WARNING: GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF GRAPHIC LANGUAGE, ABUSE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, AND TRIGGERING IMAGERY. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS OR DO NOT ENJOY IT, DO NOT READ.
Chapter Five.
After making out in the truck for a while, we finally decided to head inside. Charlie sat at the kitchen table, case files littered around him. Embry and I were about to make a break for it when Charlie coughed and turned around to look at us.
"Where are you two running off so fast?"
"Just to bed, Chief." Embry uttered in a choked voice, turning towards the ground.
"Come over here, I need to talk to you both."
"I'm really tired, sir-"
"This will just take a second. Come on, the faster you get over here, the faster you can go upstairs to do god-knows-what when my backs turned." Embry and I shared a nervous glance before following orders, trudging into the kitchen.
The second Embry's face came into the light, Charlie's mouth dropped.
"Son, what happened?"
"It's nothing…" I slipped my hand into his and held it tightly. He squeezed it back with almost as much force.
"That's a load of crap. Come on, you can tell me." When Embry failed to speak again, Charlie sighed and stood up before putting a hand on his shoulder.
Embry was almost a foot taller than him, but you could tell who had the authority here.
"My mom and I got in a fight. It's nothing."
"She hit you?" He nodded to Charlie impassively, as if it didn't matter. It made my heart ache.
It did matter, it always mattered. No matter what he did, that didn't excuse what his mother had done.
She had hit him, and this didn't seem like a first occurrence.
That bitch.
"It's nothing."
"Bullshit!" Embry turned to me in surprise, furrowing his brow. "You're not going back there."
"I have no choice, Bella."
"You can stay here, right dad?" I turned to my dad expectantly, and instantly he nodded.
"Yes, you'll stay here."
"I can't ask you to do that."
"You're already here most of the time anyway, not you'll just be here all of the time."
"I don't know…"
I turned to him with pleading eyes. "Please accept our hospitality. I can't let you go back to that place."
"Baby, I don't-"
"Embry, just accept. I won't take no for an answer." Charlie said with finality, and all Embry could do was nod. "Also, I wanted to ask you about school. Have you been going?"
"I-um-" Embry coughed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Things have been kind of hectic lately."
"Understandable, but please start going regularly. Your grades shouldn't suffer because of bad circumstances."
"Understood, sir."
"Okay, you both can head on up. Leave this old dog to his tricks." He nodded to the paperwork in front of him and we quickly said goodnight before heading up the stairs.
Once safely behind my closed door, Embry trapped me against it and kissed me roughly. My brain became foggier by the second, and my belly filled with butterflies.
Was this what it would have been like with Jacob if we ended up together? Or would he have given me a few tender pecks here and there like Edward?
"Bella, baby, you're so much more than I could have dreamed about." He groaned quietly into my neck, rubbing himself against me. I shuddered at the unfamiliar feeling and wrapped my arms around his neck. "You looked so beautiful back there getting angry for me, so fiery. Ahh, oh my god."
"Embry," I whispered into the quiet darkness of my room. "Embry."
"I'm here, baby, I'm here. I'll always be here."
It's a trick, he's lying to you. In a few weeks, he'll grow tired of you and laugh about you to the pack.
I pushed him back and flipped on the lights before going to my dresser and pulling out a pair of pajamas. "You're just saying that."
"I'm not."
"You sound like them."
"How so?"
"Love, I won't leave you. I'd rather die a thousand deaths than live a single day without you. Or better yet, I can fix you, Bella. I can make you whole again with my sunshine smile and great charm." I spat in anger, running a hand through my hair.
"You really think I'm like them?"
"I don't know."
"Baby, what is it going to take to prove it to you that I'm in it for the long run?"
"Nothing."
"Come on, there has to be some way I can."
"Nope, there's no way." He gave me an annoyed look and I couldn't help but laugh as I picked up my pajamas and left the bathroom.
"You're no fun."
"Don't you already know that?"
"You know I would never leave you, I love you." Jacob thundered from the sky above, as tall as a tree and large as a cloud. "You're the only one for me."
"Jacob, Jacob, Jacob." A beautiful tree-tall gorgeous sang from behind me, and suddenly Jacob's eyes stuck to hers and didn't leave. He trampled over the ground and almost stepped on me, where I was caught by an icy cold body.
"My sweet little lamb, if my heart could beat, it would only be to your tune."
"Edward, Edward, Edward." The tree-goddess sang again, and I was thrown to the ground. Edward followed without another glance, and I was alone again.
The world turned into a rainy, dark forest, and it was the night Edward left. I scrambled in an unknown direction, tripping over tree limbs and rocks.
"Baby, what are you doing out here alone?" I was wrapped in the warm, woodsy scent as Embry held me tightly against him, sheltering me from the rain. "We better get you out of the cold."
"Embry." I hummed in happiness, wrapping my arms around him. Finally, someone that would stay, wouldn't break my heart. Someone in it for forever.
But then the tree-goddess reared her ugly head.
"Embry, Embry, Embry."
I was thrown to the cold, wet ground without warning as he ran to catch up with her, and everything around me started to flood with water. As the sea covered my head, I fought to stay afloat but it was no use.
Everything grew dim as I sank to the bottom of the ocean that was once dry land.
Embry's POV:
I sat up in fright when Bella screeched like a banshee, before jumping up and going to her bedside. She thrashed in her covers, and tears ran down her cheeks.
"Honey, wake up. You're having a nightmare." I winced as she screamed again, but my heart dropped to my stomach when her eyes snapped open.
"Wha-what happened? Where are they?"
"Where are who?"
"Them. They left with her."
"You're not making any sense, Bella."
"I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone." She kept repeating the phrase over and over, crying harder and harder. With a shaky breath, I sat on her bed and pulled her into my lap before rubbing her back.
Words that my mother used to sing to me started to leave my mouth like a waterfall, and I couldn't stop it. "So now I come to you, with open arms. Nothing to hide, believe what I say. So here I am with open arms, hoping you'll see what your love means to me, open arms."
Soon, Bella started to calm down and the tears turned into sniffles. A few more minutes passed, and she had fallen back asleep, and I decided to tuck her back in.
I was just about to pull away and go back to my pile of blankets on the floor when her tiny hands grabbed at my shirt with urgency.
"Stay with me."
How was I supposed to say no to such a pretty girl?
Without thinking, I slipped underneath the blanket and pulled her into my arms, reveling in her cold body. She was always so cold, almost like a vampire. The thought made me shudder and I quickly pushed it from my mind with a sniff of her strawberry scented hair.
"Embry." Bella whimpered in her sleep, nails digging into my forearms.
"I'm here, baby. I'm here."
She slept soundly for the rest of the night.
"I need to go and get my stuff today." I exclaimed to Bella as she finished washing up our plates from breakfast. In an instant she turned around, soapy hands clenched into fists and her cheeks reddening in anger.
"You're not going back there alone."
"I have to."
"What if she comes home early?"
"I'll jump out the window."
"How about I come with you?"
"Over my dead body."
"Come on, it will make me feel better."
I shook my head. "It's too dangerous, baby. I can't risk you like that."
"It isn't up for discussion. And besides, Charlie wouldn't like you leaving me home alone, remember?"
"Ugh, fine. But we have to be careful, okay? No funny business."
"Of course, we'll be super serious spies."
"You're such a dork." Bella shot me a pair of finger guns and winked.
"But I'm your dork." With a laugh, I pulled her towards me and planted a large smooch on her lips.
We stood outside the house I grew up, and all I felt like doing was running back to the Swan's and never leaving.
So many memories. So much bad shit that had gone down.
No one had any idea what she put me through, no one knew her dirty laundry like I did.
The only good thing she did for me was teach me to cook, and even that wasn't such a great experience.
"Are you ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
The front door was unlocked, mom had busted the luck in one of her rages, and we quickly made our way inside and to my small bedroom. I didn't have much; some clothes, a few personal items. It all fit into two suitcases.
The process took a half an hour, and when we were about to leave my eye caught a picture of my mom and I sitting on my dresser.
I was three-years-old, and she had still loved me. Without thinking, I pocketed the tiny picture before we left the house.
I probably wouldn't be seeing her again anytime soon, if luck was on my side.
"We still have time; do you want to go to First Beach? I haven't been there in so long." Bella asked as we put my stuff in the back of her truck before turning to me with a smile.
"Sure." I would do anything to keep that smile in place.
We both slid into the truck together and I held her hand as I drove, enjoying the feeling of her coolness on my hot skin. It didn't take long to get to the beach, and Bella shot out of the truck as soon as I parked. I quickly followed behind her, the sand crunch under my boots.
The wind blew a cool breeze through the air, and Bella's scent all but smacked me in the face.
She always smelled so good. How was that possible?
"Charlie probably let us room together anymore."
"Damn, I didn't think about that."
"Maybe we can sneak?" She teased.
"What a rebel. What happened to innocent little Bella Swan?"
"You kissed the innocence out of me."
"I guess you'll have to kiss me to get it back, then."
Passionately, her lips pressed against mine and her arms wrapped around my neck. I pulled her towards me by her waist, trapping her against my heat.
Unbeknownst to us, a figure watched from the shadows of the forest, eyes hard like stone.
Bella's POV:
It was sort of solemn. The waves crashing against the shore, and the unchanging gray sky. A lot of nostalgia and memories were held here.
I felt a pang in my heart as I eyed the fallen log that Jacob and I had christened our special place.
It seemed like so long ago since we had shared a connection. A close friendship and then a budding relationship.
What would have happened if it hadn't been snuffed out? Would I be here with him, sitting on the same log? Sharing laughs and kisses and basking in his sunshine?
I loved Jacob, I truly did. But part of me knew it wasn't enough; he would never have replaced Edward.
Not like Embry could.
I turned to look up at the quiet boy I had never given a second glance to before, who had made it his mission to save me from myself. I really looked at him for the first time.
He looked like he had aged twenty years, with a similar hard expression that Sam always wore. The quiet, tender boy who always showed others kindness and respect, was having a hard time accepting it in return, even though he desperately needed it.
He had never known what it was like to be taken care of like he was supposed to be.
A slap in the face? Nothing to him. But if it was Charlie that had hit me, I know he would have skinned him alive for it.
"What are you thinking about so hard over there?" Embry inquired with a small smirk and quirk of his eyebrow.
"You deserve happiness, Embry Call."
"You're making me want to kiss you again."
"I'm serious."
"I am too, baby."
"If it's your mission to help me, it's my mission to make you happy."
"That's not your responsibility."
"It's not yours either."
We fell into an uncomfortable silence, and bad thoughts started to surface through my head.
"Now, just hold on a minute, Bella," he said in a calm voice. "Tell me something."
I grimaced. I didn't want to do this. Not just not now, but not ever. There was nothing left in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything.
"What?" I muttered sourly.
"You like me, right?"
"You know I do."
"Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?" He gestured toward the bathroom door.
"Yes," I sighed.
"Better than any of the other guys you know?" He was calm, serene—as if my answer didn't matter, or he already knew what it was.
"Better than the girls, too," I pointed out.
"But that's all," he said, and it wasn't a question.
I did like Jacob, even loved him. But at that point, I hadn't known I did. I had still been grieving losing him, losing what we shared.
I really had loved him with all my heart.
"You know I had no control over it, you can't be angry with me!"
"But you cheated on me!"
"We were never together. For fuck's sake, you told me you didn't have feelings for me." Jacob spat before wrapping an arm around Leah. Leah, beautiful long-legged goddess. So much more than I could ever be. "How can you be angry with me for moving on when we weren't even together?"
"But we talked, you said you would wait for me."
"You couldn't have expected me to wait forever."
"No, I guess not." My heart felt like it had been ripped out. "So, this is it then?"
"I didn't say that-"
"You didn't have to."
"Bella, are you okay?"
The room was spinning out of control, and I no matter how much I shook my head my vision wouldn't clear.
Thump, thump, thump.
All I could hear was my heart pumping loudly in my ear.
A wave of nausea hit me full force and I fell to my knees on the sand.
"Bella, baby, talk to me."
"Get me out of here, please." He lifted me up bridal style and carried me back to the truck, buckling me in before getting in himself. I shut my eyes and leaned my head against the cool window, breathing in and out through my nose.
Too soon, I thought, too soon.
I should have listened to Embry. I shouldn't have come.
I wasn't ready.
We hit a speed bump and I felt even sicker.
I shouldn't have come.
Embry's POV:
A howl, then another. Four howls in total.
A pack meeting.
While Bella and Charlie were sleeping, I slipped out the door and into the dark of the night. After hiding my clothes close to the property, I phased on command and trotted towards La Push.
My thoughts were well hidden, there was no way my secret would slip out. I could only hope that Seth's was the same.
When I arrived at our meeting spot, everyone was already there. To anyone else, a group of horse-sized wolves would make them shit their pants. Not me though; no, this was my daily life.
"I call this meeting to order." Sam implored through our shared mind link, and we sat at attention. "Firstly, Paul and Jared caught the redhead's scent towards the west but were unable to track her past the beach."
"That bitch keeps hiding in the water, I just know it!" Paul roared, pawing at the ground. "Just wait till I get my hands on that tick."
"Don't you mean paws?" Quil joked, and everyone groaned. Paul barked back and made a move to tackle him.
"Watch your mouth."
"Are you going to make me?"
"Hell yeah, I am-"
"Both of you shut the fuck up now." Sam's voice rang with authority, and immediately they quieted down. "Anyway, we need to start patrolling more. We haven't been patrolling enough because she disappeared, but now that she is back we need to have a tighter schedule. Leah, Seth, you both will patrol until three, and then Jared and I will take over until ten. Paul and Jacob will go until four tomorrow evening, and then Embry and Quil will finish the cycle. After that, everyone will repeat."
"What about school? If I miss one more class my ass is grass." Jared inquired helplessly.
"Old Quil has started talking to the school about home-schooling you."
"That's fucking lame," Paul answered, and Sam groaned.
"I agree with Paul here, that is lame."
"You don't have to do it if you don't want to, it's just an idea."
"I think I'd like to do home-schooling, it might be easier," I said quietly, feeling a hint of embarrassment.
"Maybe the people that do home-schooling can do the patrol time during school hours?" Leah said. "I mean, Seth's schedule would be better at Quil and Embry's time."
"I'd be happy to switch with Seth if that's better."
"You sure, Em?"
"It's not a problem."
"Anyone else wants to switch their times?"
"Leah, can I switch with you?"
"I guess, Paul." She sighed in annoyance, but you could tell she was ecstatic at patrolling with her imprint. His throat rumbled in happiness and he rubbed his side against hers.
"Is everyone happy with their times now?" We all nodded in agreement. "Okay, then I guess the meeting is over-"
"Hold it." Quil snapped.
"What is it now?"
"I saw something interesting on the beach today that you would probably want to know about, Jake." Quil sneered and my heart started to pound.
Wait, what? It couldn't be.
"What is it?"
All at once our mind filled with Bella and me in a full out make out on the beach, arms gripping each other like lifelines.
"What the fuck?" Paul yelled.
"Shit," Seth exclaimed.
"Embry, why are you kissing Bella?"
"Why do you care? You have Leah now, right?"
"Yeah, but-"
"Then it shouldn't matter. It's none of your business."
"She's my best friend!"
"If she is your best friend, then why am I with her every day? Have you even called to talk to her since she caught you with Leah?"
"Don't bring her into this."
"You have no idea how much you fucked up."
"Are you sure she even likes you? That she's not just using you to get back at me?"
"Fuck off, Jake."
"Wait, Embry-"
But I didn't catch the rest of what he said as I phased out and ran away from the group.
I saw so angry and the pain in my chest ached.
Using me to get back at him? After what he did to her?
Fuck, what if she was?
No, Bella wouldn't do that.
Or would she?
In all honesty, I didn't know her that well. I was thrown into this situation full force and still hadn't come up to resurface on dry land. Every day I made it my job to keep Bella in high spirits and give her the attention and love she deserved. But I didn't know her hobbies, or her favorite color and food. I didn't know what her favorite subject in school was, or who her favorite movie director was.
Everything in my heart told me to stay with her, but my head was finding faults in my plan. What if Bella and I ended up being incompatible? Sure, we had great chemistry, but there had to be more to a relationship than that. And besides, we were only friends. Friends that kissed quite a lot, but only friends.
My thoughts broke as I made it to my pile of clothes, and I slipped them on before sneaking back into the Swan home. All was quiet, and Bella and Charlie's hearts beat in a steady tempo.
I lay down on the couch, my new bed for who knows how long, and slipped into a fitful sleep. My dreams were empty and comfortable.