WARNING: GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, VIOLENCE, CHILD NEGLECT, GRAPHIC LANGUAGE, MANIPULATIONS, AND TRIGGERING IMAGERY. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS OR DO NOT ENJOY IT, DO NOT READ.
Chapter Fifteen.
Embry's POV:
The heart monitor beeped like a gunshot going through the room. Every time it stuttered, I tensed up as I waited for the next beep. I felt like a starving animal locked in a cage. Anything could set me off.
I hadn't slept in two days, choosing to skip patrol to stay by Bella's bedside in case she woke up. I may have let her down before, but no more. I'd be there for her if it was the last thing I could do.
Friends and family came and went; Angela, Mike, and Eric had been frequent visitors during the short time she was here, along with Seth and Paul. Jacob came once, but after I gave him a black eye he decided to keep his distance. My chest rumbled at the thought of his deviousness.
Best friends were supposed to support each other, but what he did was disgusting. Bella had finally been on the road to recovery, but he had to mess it all up. I knew deep inside that it wasn't truly his fault, that Bella was the one to make the decision, but I still felt a burning rage whenever he was near.
Charlie slept in his chair, snoring lowly. It was one in the morning, but I couldn't sleep. My mind was a livewire.
I could have lost her, a small voice whispered in my head. I could have lost her all because of a heart attack, lunch ditching, and a bad friend.
Thankfully, she was okay. But her scars were worse now. I didn't care about that, she was still beautiful to me. But I knew she'd feel guilt and embarrassment whenever she stared at them.
I'll just kiss them and make sure she knows they're her battle scars, and that she's the strongest warrior woman I know, I thought to myself.
There was a knock at the door and I looked up to see a tall figure in the doorway with short black hair. Leah Clearwater held a bouquet of flowers and a card.
"Mind if I come in?" I shook my head. She wasn't the person I had a problem with.
"Those from Jake?" She shook her head and stepped inside the room, casting a sad glance at the bed where Bella resided.
"Nope, from the Clearwater clan."
"What are you doing here, Lee?"
"If I had been keeping a closer eye on him none of this would have happened. He told me he was going to check on his dad. I would have never thought he would confront Bella." Leah laid the bouquet on the hospital dresser by the closet. "He's such a damn fool."
"Mhm."
"How are you holding up, Em?" I shrugged.
"How's Harry?"
"They're going to release him tomorrow if everything goes well."
"Good, I'm glad he's okay."
"I'm glad she's okay." She walked around the and enveloped me in a tight hug before starting for the door again. "Tell Bella I'm sorry when she wakes up, okay?"
"Can do." Leah waved goodbye and left the room again.
I cast Bella another long glance before deciding it was better to get some rest then possibly pass out when she wakes up. I settled into my spot and shut my eyes before falling immediately asleep from exhaustion.
Bella woke up the next morning bright and early. Charlie shook me awake and I jumped up in my seat. Bella's face was scrunched in concentration as she started to wake up.
When her eyes finally did open, I was by her side in a flash, kissing her cheeks furiously. It had been so long since I had seen those chocolate eyes of hers. Too, too long.
"Bella, baby, don't do that to me again. Fuck, I thought I lost you." I felt sick to my stomach as she gave me a guilty stare. I was the cause of this. I was the reason.
"Embry." Her voice was so weak that I thought my heart might break.
"I'm here, I'm here. Fuck, fuck." She was groggy and had no idea what was going on, but she was happy that I was there. Tears streaked down my cheeks and I sobbed. All my emotions I had swallowed the past few days were all coming up again. It was like someone turned on a facet and all my emotional water was pouring out into the world. "I almost lost you."
"I'm here, Embry."
"Don't fucking do that to me again, you hear me?" My voice cracked, and I swear I saw Charlie out of the corner of my eye wiping tears away. I felt so angry and upset and I couldn't even tell her. How could she do it again? What was I supposed to do without her? "I never want to lose you."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I should be sorry. I should have been there at lunch."
"S'okay."
"I love you, Bella." Both of our eyes widened to the size of the moon when we realized what left my mouth. But I kept going. Damn waiting and damn hesitating. Life didn't stop for anyone, so why should I? "I love you. I don't think I'll ever stop."
"Imprint…"
"Not me, never me." I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'll explain to you when we go home."
"Home?"
"Yes, home." I couldn't help but smile as I stared down at the pale girl in the hospital bed with wide brown eyes and plump lips. "Anyways, I love you. I really really do. Even if you don't feel the same way, I'll always stay by your side, Bella. I promise you that."
"I do."
"You do what?"
"I feel the same way." She paused and stared up at me with tired eyes. "I love you too, Embry." I started to cry at her words, my mouth stretching into a warm grin that probably rivaled the sun.
"I'm so happy." Bella smiled back, tears started to fall out of her own eyes.
"I am too. I love you."
"I love you too. So much."
After what felt like a million check-ups with the doctor and nurses, they concluded that Bella was okay enough to go home that night. As we packed up our minimal items, the subject of her mother was brought up.
The one who hadn't even thought to come visit. Who didn't think it was a good reason to miss her husband's baseball game.
"Where's mom?" Bella questioned, and Charlie's face became pensive. My blood started to boil. With a lot of self-control, I held in the urge to go full wolf and tried to keep a calm head. Tried was the keyword.
"She couldn't come. Phil had a baseball game." Charlie didn't even dance around the truth. I guess he was done with his ex-wife's bullshit too.
"Does she know what happened?" H nodded, and Bella's face dropped. "Oh." My chest rumbled, but I coughed to hide it.
"She sends her love."
That witch, I thought to myself before jumping into action.
"I bet she does." She exclaimed with a sigh before grabbing her clothes and going into the bathroom with a nurse to change. When the door was locked, I turned my sights on Charlie.
"What's her number, Charlie?" I inquired calmly.
He raised an eyebrow at me before asking, "Why?" I sighed.
"Just tell me, please." Without another word, he handed me his small, black flip phone and gave me a pointed look.
"Here, it's in my phone. Have at it."
"Hello? Charlie, how's Bella?" Renee Dwyer's voice came over the phone a few minutes later, the sound of a game in the background. A baseball game.
I sucked in a deep breath to keep my temper in check before answering, "This is Embry, Bella's boyfriend. I was calling to ask why you aren't here."
"Well, my husband, Phil, has a baseball game and he says I'm his good luck charm!" She giggled. "You know how it is."
The spirits are testing me, I thought to myself. How clueless is this woman?
"You know why Bella's in here right?" There was a short silence.
"Yes, I know."
"Then why aren't you here?"
"I already told you-"
I cut her off angrily. "That's fucked up. Your own daughter tried to kill herself and you're not coming because you're your husband's good luck charm or some stupid shit?"
"Excuse me?"
"Bella deserves better than that. She deserves love and support and to be taken care of for a change."
"I do support her!"
"Then why aren't you here? Why is everyone here except you?" She didn't answer. "That's what I thought. Nice talking to you, goodbye."
I returned to the room again and saw that Bella was back from the bathroom fully clothed and looking downtrodden. Charlie sat in a chair reading a fishing magazine. With a deep breath, I walked over to her and pulled her into a tight embrace, nuzzling my face into her neck.
"I love you, Bella."
"I love you too…" She pulled away from me and looked up at me with those chocolate eyes of hers and I felt my knees become weak. "What are we?"
"Honestly, I don't know. What do you want to be?"
"Maybe we can go on a date and move on from there?" Bella smiled, and a weight lifted off my shoulders.
"Y-yeah, yeah. Sounds good to me."
"I don't mean to ruin the moment, but when we get home I need to talk to you privately, Bella. You think Paul can put up with you for a bit?" Charlie teased me, but I knew he needed to bring up some serious stuff with Bella. More therapy, possibly medication. And I wanted to be there for Bella, of course, but she needed to make decisions about this herself.
"I don't see why not."
"You're leaving?"
"Just for a few hours. Then I'll be back." I pressed a quick kiss to her lips that caused the blush to rise in her cheeks. "You're mine, okay? Not officially, but you know what I mean."
"And you're mine." She gave me a smile that I hoped was only reserved for me and soon after left the hospital. Paul sat in his truck waiting for me and after a few hundred kisses I slid into the truck and watched as Bella and Charlie disappeared.
Paul and I sat in silence the whole ride to La Push. When we parked in front of his house he turned to me with worried eyes.
"You look like shit. Call." I snorted.
"I'll be fine."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"What is there to say?"
"Your girlfriend attempted suicide. I'd understand if your head was a bit fucked right now." The way he said it made my heart race and stomach nauseous. But I couldn't be upset about this, could I? I needed to be the supportive significant other and help her love herself.
But it was so damn hard watching the one you love continue to fall deeper into a hole that you only had a hammer to dig them out of.
I guess that was the reason why I'm crying now.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped my eyes, which didn't help at all since they continued to leak.
"It is what it is."
"Damn it, come here. Let Paul make you feel better." Paul didn't wait for an answer as he pulled me into a tight embrace, rubbing my back with his large hand. It felt a bit awkward, but it felt good to have someone care. To have someone just be there at all.
I cried for who knows how long until suddenly the tears dried up and I felt exhausted and weirdly calmer. We pulled away from each other and I followed him into the house. The rest of the night was spent watching trash television until he dropped me back at home.
It was nice to have someone like Paul, I thought to myself during the ride home. He sang to the radio in an off-key tune and I couldn't help but laugh. Yeah, I guess I was pretty lucky.
Bella's POV:
"More therapy? Seriously? Why don't you just admit me and save yourself the trouble?" I snarked as he stared at me with hard eyes, my heart beating rapidly. I wished I could run and never look back, find a quiet place in the forest and finish the job I started. Why couldn't everyone just leave me alone? Why did they keep shoving themselves into my life?
Didn't they see I was a lost cause? Edward had, Jacob had. It was only a matter of time before Embry did.
"You don't mean that."
"How do you know? Can you read minds or something?"
"I thought you liked your therapist, Bells."
"I-I do."
"Then what's the problem?" What was the problem?
"Sometimes I don't understand what is wrong with me. Why can't I move forward? It seems like I take a step forward and two steps back."
"I understand, kid. I really do." I lay my head down and looked up at him, really looked at him for the first time. He looked good for his age; still had his hair and had a nice smile. Why hadn't he moved on from mom?
"How did you cope when mom left?" Charlie paused for a second, he cheeks flushing red. When he opened his mouth to speak again, I listened intently.
"I was depressed for a long time, but life moves on whether you like it. You have to make the choice to try and live your life again."
"But it's so hard sometimes…" Especially when people continue to ridicule me. Tears dripped down my cheeks and I cried. "I just want to be happy."
"You will be. You just need some time to heal." With a small smile, he put his hand over mine and held it gently. "And we're all going to be there to help you through it."
"I love you, dad."
"I love you, Bells."
I lay in Embry's makeshift bed on the couch hours later, stomach full of homemade chicken and noodles that Joy Ateara had sent over and feeling exhausted. Embry would be home any second, and we still needed to talk.
I missed him so much it ached.
He's going to imprint, you idiot.
With a sigh I rolled over on to my side and hid my face into the blanket, breathing in his scent. He smelt so comforting.
Like home.
"Baby, what are you doing?" I jumped in surprise before my eyes locked with Embry's. He chuckled, and I felt my face grow hot.
"When did you get home?"
"Just now." He glanced down at me mischievously and I felt self-conscious in my holey t-shirt and sweatpants. "Were you waiting for me?"
"And what if I was?"
"So cheesy of you." His hands cupped my cheeks and he kissed me softly. Embry tasted sweet and I couldn't help but lose myself in his hot mouth.
But then he pulled away and donned a serious look.
"I want to talk about imprinting."
"Okay, let's sit down." I scooted over and let him sit next to me, grabbing his hand in mine. He ran a hand through his hair, it had started to grow out and stopped at his shoulders now. "Old Quil found some records a few months ago, right after Sam imprinted on Emily."
"Records?"
"Yeah. It talked about pack hierarchy and some other stuff that doesn't really matter." He squeezed my hand. "But it talked about imprinting."
"What did it say?" I was scared of the answer."
"The alpha, beta, and the like will imprint. Sam, Jared-"
"What about Jacob and Leah?"
"Jacob is the rightful alpha and Leah would be his beta since she's the only female…" He paused and licked his lips. "And Paul imprinted on Rachel."
"Jacob's sister? Cheese and crackers, this is insane."
"Well, if she ended up phasing she would be the alpha. She's the oldest. And Becca will most likely phase too and imprint. It's mostly the direct line from Ephraim."
"Well, that's comforting."
"Yeah." A silence set in as I went over my thoughts.
He's not going to imprint. He's not going to leave.
"Bella, what's wrong?" His eyes were wide and worried as he cupped my face in his hands. I sobbed uncontrollably and suddenly I understood why he was so worried. I was bawling my eyes out for no reason. I squeezed my eyes shut and cried again. "Baby talk to me."
"You're not leaving." Then I was being pulled into his chest, tears soaking the t-shirt he wore. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and took in a shaky breath. "I love you, Embry."
"I love you too, Bella." We held each other in the darkness of my living room, the air warm and our feelings alive. It felt good to be loved.
Dr. Garrity's office was hot and uncomfortable as I sat in my usual chair on Sunday morning, my stomach feeling sick. I felt emotionally exhausted from last night's events and wasn't looking forward to opening up. I'd barely scratched the surface of Jacob and now I was back to square one again. It was embarrassing.
But she just smiled and nodded as word vomit spewed from my mouth. All the pent-up frustration about Edward and Jacob and even my parents exploded out of me.
"Is it a problem to want someone to stay? Is it a problem to need someone to take care of me for a change?" Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but my mouth moved a mile a minute. "I've taken care of my mom, then my dad. When do I get to be selfish for a change? I thought Edward would be that person for me, that we could take care of each other. But that was a false hope. Then Jacob came along and got my hopes up again." I wiped my eyes and sighed long and heavy. "But Embry feels different. We aren't even together, and he still takes care of me. Sings to me when I'm having anxiety, cooks meals for me doesn't judge me. He's even saved my life three times!"
As my words finally grew silent, I sat there panting and staring at Dr. Garrity with worried eyes.
She smiled again and exclaimed, "Bella, it isn't a problem to want to be taken care of. It isn't a problem at all, but I feel that because of this want to be taken care of that you are too trusting of someone that can give that to you. From what you've previously said about Edward, he was very controlling and overbearing. More so like a father figure. Jacob also wanted to control you; he wanted to be the person you loved and wanted a relationship with, and he pushed you even when you rejected him." She looked over her notepad and bit at the end of her pen before continuing. "Does Embry control you?" I shook my head.
"Only if you count stopping my attempts."
"You learn from life's experiences and you grow from them. I think you have done just that in a short amount of time, Bella."
"Thank you, Dr. Garrity."
"Okay, that is all we have time for today. I'll see you on Tuesday at five, correct?"
"Yes." I stood and started towards the door.
"And Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"We all fall down sometimes, but it is important to remember that it gets better." I smiled and nodded and left the room.
When I left the building, Embry was waiting for me outside with a grim expression.
"What's with the long face, bud?"
"Did you just call me bud?"
"Heh, yeah."
"You're such a dork." He wrapped his arms around me and leaned down to kiss me. When he pulled away a small smile lay on his lips. "And to answer your question, I'm fine. Just thinking over things."
"Like what?"
"Where I'm going to take you on our first date." I blushed and couldn't help the wide grin that took over my face.
"We should go out of town. Eat our weight in Denny's food."
"Whatever you want, I'll make it happen." He kissed me again and for the first time since my backslide I started to feel hopeful again.
Yes, I went two steps backward, but that didn't mean I'd be in this bad place forever. I had friends, I had family, I had Embry. With their support, I could do anything I set my mind.
Embry and I pulled away from each other and slipped into my truck. As he drove us home, I couldn't help but look over at him and fall more in love.
Wow, love. What a weird concept. When had it started? Was it that day on the cliff or our first kiss?
I had no idea, but I did know one thing. I never wanted to stop.
We pulled into the driveway and he slipped his hand into mine before pulling it to his lips and leaving a kiss on it.
Yeah, I never ever wanted to stop.