Chapter 4
Finnick announces he's getting married to Annie at breakfast the next morning. I'm happy for him. Of course I am. He's my friend and as happy as I've ever seen him. Prim got excited too, asking about how they're going to have it and everything surrounding the wedding. But, my mind is elsewhere.
"Katniss?"
I look up to see Prim looking at me, like everyone else is.
"Are you okay?" She asks, grabbing my hand under the table.
I smile at her, gripping her hand to assure her I'm fine.
"Yeah." I answer simply before arising from the table and walking away from them, breakfast half eaten.
It's eleven o'clock at night when I walk into the hospital. I'm wearing leggings, no shoes and one of Gale's shirts. It's not big enough, my stomach straining against the middle of it. He gave it to me from a new lot of clothes which he got given, because he's all muscle now. We're still friends. He knows I love Peeta. He knows I'm not going to change my mind. It's always been Peeta. Gale respects this and now we are just as we were before, without Gale's sexual tension making it uncomfortable. Now, it feels right between us. And he's helped me when I'm crying for Peeta. He's helped me so much. And I cannot repay him for his duties as a best friend.
It's quiet in the hospital. The most quiet it's been when I've come in here. I walk straight to Peeta's observation room, seeing him lying in bed, sleeping.
"We didn't think you were coming back today." I hear.
I turn and see the nice guard coming from Peeta's door. I smile at him and then look back at Peeta.
"I wasn't." I tell him truthfully.
We stay silent. I know something is going to come from his lips again. But, he doesn't for a while, I push him along.
"What?"
I look up at him and finally notice his features. Medium brown hair cut short and uniform, brown eyes looking everywhere and making sure everything stays the same, a soft face compared to the other guard who is absent.
"He had an episode because you didn't come." He informs me.
I gasp, looking back over to Peeta in the bed. In the dim light of the room, I notice his arms strapped back down and his face more strained than it has been. Now I feel horrible. Everything we built is gone, thanks to me. At this moment, I couldn't hate myself anymore.
"Can I still go and see him?" I ask him softly, looking up to him.
He's roughly the same build and height as Gale, but unlike Gale's fire, I don't think he could be capable of having it. Just from how kind he's been to me. He looks down at me and nods.
"I'll be right here if you need anything." He tells me.
I feel happy for a second, then hate myself again. As I walk around the corner to Peeta's door, I spin back around on my feet.
"What's your name?"
He looks back to me and smiles.
"Drake Haughter."
"Thank you, Drake." I whisper.
He nods and looks back to the button which buzzes open the door from that side.
When I'm inside, I see Peeta stirring. His eyes flutter open and I keep myself against the door. His eyes move to me and his arms pull against the restraints, more in a way to see if he's in control.
"I have to be dreaming." He mumbles.
I shake my head and walk towards him slowly.
"You didn't come by."
"I'm here now."
"You promised you would." He says almost angrily, definitely defensively.
"I'm holding up that promise." I whisper, sitting next to his bed.
He looks at me, scared and sad.
"I had an episode." He tells me.
"I know." I whisper.
I lean over and grab his hand in both of mine. He stiffens then relaxes to my touch.
"I went crazy. I broke some machinery, broke the nose of one of the guards…"
"I just… I lost control. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I couldn't see the picture which I held in my hand. It was blurry. I said horrible things. I didn't mean too, it's just—"
"I know." I say simply.
"They took the picture of her. They said they'd give it back when I was calmer. But, they all left before that happened."
I feel horribly for Peeta. If those idiot doctors knew anything, they'd know she's helping him get back to normal. She's what he is getting better for. She has been helping him this whole time. He has to live for her. Why haven't they realised that? I'm angry at them and want to shoot an arrow through all of their heads.
"Why didn't you come earlier?" He asks, ditching the last topic.
I shrug my shoulder and it affects him.
"Don't give me that shit, Katniss. Why?"
I'm first shocked at his bluntness, then realise I deserved it. I think of telling him a lie, but that would just be cruel on him. He doesn't deserve it. I do.
"I got scared." I whisper, wishing it wasn't true.
"Of me?" He asks harshly, pulling at the straps and gripping my hand tight.
"No. Of her life."
He looks at me so confused, wondering, worried almost.
"Why?"
I close my eyes and shake my head, wishing I wasn't so weak. Even more when tears drop onto my shirt. I cross my arms over my stomach the best I can, wishing she could just stay inside me until all of this was over.
"I got scared for her life. If we don't win this rebellion… Her life would be instantly at risk. She'd be dead instantly because of Snow—"
"I'd never let that happen." Peeta tells me sternly.
"It scared me so bad, Peeta. So, I didn't come. I thought it'd distance me from the reality of her coming into his cruel world…"
He's silent, I'm silent, my tears are silent, our baby is silent for the first time today.
"If you're so scared, why are you here now?" He questions softly.
I smile and hold my stomach on both sides.
"She's been hurting me all day. She's finally settled again. Like she can sense you. And even a crazier theory, she was hurting me from not seeing you."
"I'm just going to stand up, okay? I'm not leaving." I tell him, bracing my hands on the bed.
I lift myself up and stand next to his bed, untangling his fingers from mine. I grab the side of the bed and pull myself up onto it. I feel him stiffen and his hand tightening into a fist by his side. But, he doesn't refuse me coming up. I lean down and press my head against his shoulder, placing my hand on his chest. Now, I hear his heartbeat again and I know where she gets it from. His heart is racing, but as I run a hand across his chest over and over again, I feel it slowing down. My stomach pressing him in the side, making it difficult to lay the way that I used to against him. I stay for a few minutes and then I crave the one thing that is missing. I lift my head back up, ungraciously moving from one side to the other. I then pull at the straps on his arms.
"No Katniss!" He hisses, jerking my hands away with a flick of his wrist.
"I trust you." I whisper.
"I don't trust me." He throws back.
I look at him for a second and then I lean over, pressing a small kiss which burns my lips against his cheek.
"I trust you." I say again, more confidently.
When my hands come back to the straps, he doesn't flick me off. When it's unstrapped, I lean over him and start trying to pull his arm from the other one. I gasp when I feel Peeta's hand against my bare skin. I look back to see his hand under my shirt and resting on the side of my stomach. I look up at him and he rips his hand back.
"Sorry. Your shirt lifted. I couldn't help myself." He mumbles.
I reach over and grab his hand again, placing it back against my bare stomach.
"Don't be." I tell him.
And I go back to unstrapping him.
When he's free, I lay back on his chest and his arms wrap around me instantly, feeling safe and relieved finally. I take in the feeling of his arms around me, holding me against him and how I already feel like I can sleep without nightmares interrupting my sleep.
"I started to draw again this morning." He says after a few minutes of comfortable silence.
I move around on his chest, letting my face look up into his face.
"Really?"
"Yeah… I'd been asking for days for a notepad and a pencil or pen or anything to draw with."
"That's so good, Peeta! Can you show me?"
He shakes his head, closing his eyes.
"They took it from me after my flashback. They wanted to see what I'd drawn."
"Because you always drew what was on your mind." I remember.
He looks back down at me and smiles, "Yeah."
"What did you draw?" I ask, hoping it doesn't spark anything bad.
He hesitates, letting out a deep breath and shaking his head.
"I don't want to say." He whispers.
I don't push the topic further. I just stop the conversation with, "Okay."
Minutes pass and then I feel his fingertips, like a ghost's, trailing over my collar bone, down my shoulder and over the side of my breast. I gasp as I feel it go straight down into my core, my body shivering and covered in goosebumps. My breasts becoming erect from the contact.
"Were they always like this?" He asks, referring to my breasts.
I shake my head no.
"It's a pregnancy thing." I inform him.
I watch his head nod and then I turn my head back into his chest. After a few more minutes, I feel myself starting to slip away into a dreamless sleep. In the darkness I hear,
"Stay with me?"
I smile at him remembering me saying that back before the Quell.
"Always." I whisper back.
Then sleep takes me by the hand, gently for the first time.
I'm roused awake and I hate the person who does. I blink awake, turning over slowly. I see Haymitch and groan.
"What?"
"It's ten AM."
"So?" I groan again, missing the issue.
"So… You need to get up."
"Why? Haymitch, piss off!" I exclaim.
I hear chuckling and turn around to see Peeta getting up and looking at me amused. Then I realise why I slept so well, I remember. I slept with Peeta and no nightmares. And actually slept! I feel like celebrating.
"He just woke me up too." He tells me, running a hand down my hair.
"And waking him up was better than waking you up, sweetheart. Let me tell you that. No abuse from him."
Peeta laughs and gets off the bed, heading to the bathroom to the opposite side of the room as the door of entry is.
I push myself up and rub my eyes.
"Why are you actually waking me up? I was finally getting sleep." I ask him, scratching my stomach.
"You're wanted in Command."
"Fuck Command!" I exclaim.
I can even hear Peeta chuckling from here. I can't help but smile before I realise Haymitch's face is really serious.
"What?" I ask, getting paranoid about what it could be about.
Haymitch opens his mouth to say it, but stops as soon as the bathroom door opens.
"I'll give you a minute. Then I'm coming back in to drag you out." Haymitch says, not so serious.
"Don't count my peeing time in that. This baby makes me like a horse!" I exclaim.
Haymitch mumbles something before he walks out, Peeta laughing from behind me.
I excuse myself, do my business and come back out.
"Start the minute!" I exclaim.
Peeta laughs and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me.
"No murderous thoughts?" I say, I probably shouldn't, but it's a genuine wonder.
"No." He says.
"Did you have any nightmares?" I ask.
Another "No.".
"Me either."
He pulls back and looks down at me, that same desire in his eyes as the other day.
"Don't think this time now excuses you from coming later." He tells me softly.
"Okay." I whisper.
He leans down and I hold my breath and my heart beating like a hummingbirds wings. His lips come down to my ear and he whispers,
"Even if you get scared, come here. For some reason, I want to help you."
I think that's something rude and what the old Peeta wouldn't ever say. Then he says, like the Peeta who made love to me many times and acted like an animal.
"I want to get out of here sooner, showing them I'm fine around you. And then make love to you like we did before."
He remembers!
I gasp when he says this, blush rushing over my whole body. I sigh when he presses a kiss to my neck.
Step by step, I think.
"I had a very vivid dirty dream about that night. It's got me all horny." He whispers into my ear.
Oh, Peeta. Me too!
I sigh and let him kiss my neck again. I pull away before we can get too carried away. I walk away from his desire filled eyes and out of the room. I look to the doctors and point a finger.
"If you paid attention, you'd realise he needed that picture of our baby! If he had that, he would have gotten better quicker! Use your hearts as well as your brains!" I exclaim, walking away from them.
"And give him back the picture and his notebook! Pay attention to what he needs to get better!" I yell as I continue to walk out of there.
Haymitch gets to me and he throws a temporary arm around my shoulder before removing it.
"You tell them, girlfriend!" I hear.
I look up and see Johanna walking in virtually nothing down the hall. I smile as we walk away from her and make a mental note to see her soon.
:-:
I refused. I didn't want to go. I yelled at her. But, she just threw everything back into my face. Now I have to tell Peeta I have to go. I don't know how I'm going to do that. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to put our baby in danger. But Coin doesn't care if I die, even if it claims a child's life too. I'm going to Two. I'm probably going to get hurt, but Coin says nothing like that could ever happen. But, I can feel that it is. I don't want to leave Peeta. I don't want to put him through hell while he doesn't even know if we are okay. I don't know how I'm going to tell him. But I have to soon. We leave tomorrow morning at five…
"You came!" Peeta exclaims, pushing his notebook aside.
"You told me too. And I said I would." I say, walking to his bed.
He's not tied down again. I thank them inside my head.
"I was hoping you would come."
Guilt rushes through me and I bite my lip as I stop in front of him. I almost burst it out, but I hold it in.
"Hey! Lay down on the bed." Peeta says, stepping off and walking to the side.
I look at him confused and then I walk to the edge of it. I turn around and before I can climb onto it, Peeta lifts me up and it shocks me.
"Peeta! If you keep lifting me up, you'll hurt your back."
He swats the air and brushes me off. I lay back onto the bed and begin to wonder why he's so happy and cheery today. Maybe it's because we got almost eleven hours of uninterrupted sleep? I don't know. Maybe because he got his notebook back? His picture? I have no idea.
He climbs onto the end of the bed and look at him confused.
"Peeta, come up here." I say, beaconing him with my hand.
"No."
Peeta lets his prosthetic hang over the top of the bed and crosses the other. He takes my feet and puts them into his lap, starting to work on the laces of the boots.
"What are you doing?" I ask, confused beyond belief.
"Well…" Peeta starts, pausing as pulls off my boot and dropping it onto the floor.
"I remember you saying you had swollen and sore feet from the baby. And that they were like cinnamon buns."
I smile at his good memory, considering that was weeks ago and he still remember. What is the good thing to me is that, that was a bad time for Peeta. He was still thinking about me when he wasn't even himself. Even when he was thinking everything I said was a lie, thanks to Snow. It makes me so happy to know he remembered.
"So you wanted to compare them to other bread products now they're getting worse?" I ask, him pulling the sock from my foot and letting it fall from his fingers.
"No."
He gets to work on the other one and when he pull it off, dropping the boot and then the sock. He looks back up at me and smiles.
"I want to give you a foot massage."
I hear the buzzer and it confuses me even more.
"You didn't ask for a whole oil and herbal kit from my mother or something did you?" I ask, joking.
He laughs softly, shaking his head.
"No." He says, eyes trained on the door.
A doctor walks in with white puffy hair, wrinkles and black glasses, walking straight to Peeta.
"You can't." He says.
"Why?" Peeta asks confused. "I just want to relieve her from her pain."
I smile, placing my hands over my stomach as I watch that unfold.
"You can't massage certain parts of the feet on a pregnant woman because it can put her into labour."
"What?!" I exclaim, pushing myself up on my fore arms startled.
Peeta on the other hand starts shaking his head.
"I didn't touch them! I didn't do anything!" He panics.
"I know, Peeta. Calm down. I'm just going to show you where those places are and we'll leave you be again."
Then he points at my feet and I feel fingers grazing over different parts of my skin and then the doctor turns and leaves.
"Who woulda guessed?" I laugh.
"I just got so worried instantly. I had no idea. I just wanted you to feel better."
"You know now, so don't worry about it."
Peeta nods and I feel his fingers start to work magic. I sigh at the relief and I see Peeta's face smile. Then I let my head lay back against his pillow. As I feel his baker hands doing incredible things to them, I turn my head into Peeta's pillow and breathe in his scent. I feel relief all around me. I open my eyes to see Peeta's eyes are trained on my feet, making sure he doesn't hit those spots which the doctor told him about. I see his notebook lying next to me and I clear my throat. Peeta looks up at me, eyes wanting to hear my question.
"Can I look at it?" I ask, pointing to the book beside me.
He hesitates, stopping his movements temporarily. Then he begins again, nodding.
"Just… I draw what I think. Don't be alarmed at anything. Anything." He warns me.
I nod and pick it up and rest it against my stomach.
"This thing I good for one thing, holding things up." I say, pointing to my stomach and look up to Peeta from above my stomach.
"Look! No hands!" I cheer, holding my hands out.
He laughs and then gets back to the task he started.
When I turn the pages, the first are horrors. My face with horrible additions like sharp teeth, wild huge eyes and claws on my hands. Two pictures are like that, neither is complete, they just suddenly stop. Even the horrible pictures of me are incredibly drawn, as Peeta has never stopped. I flick to the third page and I'm mesmerised and shocked. I know this moment and it makes me flushed when I see it from his view.
-Flashback-
Peeta's thrusting into me from beneath me. I'm panting, head throwing back and forth, hair getting stuck in my mouth. My hands are behind me, holding onto Peeta's thighs, my chest arched out. Peeta's hands are grabbing hold of my hips tightly. Our bodies are slick so it makes holding onto him so much harder, but I just keep adjusting it. All I know is that I'm crying out and moaning, never wanting it to stop.
-End of Flashback-
He's drawn that moment. My head off to the side, hair in tangles down my back and front, some caught in my open lips. My closed eyes and open mouth show the pleasure which was running through my body. My back arched with my breasts sticking out, skin glistening from sweat. Peeta's hands on my lips, gripped tight. I'm breathtaking. I gasp when Peeta rubs a certain part in my foot, but it's louder than it should be, thanks to my current horny state. I see Peeta's head look up at me, but I don't glance over. I can see his smile from here. I flip the page and then I am again shocked and mesmerised.
-Flashback-
Peeta's talented fingers toy with my nipple and it pebbles instantly from his touch, going straight into my core. I moan and let one of my hands find Peeta's arm which rests next to my head. I grip onto it for dear life, biting my lip as he continues to gently and deeply thrust into me. When his hand covers my breast, he squeezes it and I open my eyes, looking up into his which are lost in waves of euphoria. I wonder if mine look the same, because they are looking dopily up into his. I'm falling.
-End of Flashback-
And that's how I'm portrayed here from his angle. Again, I look incredible and nothing like the person who sits looking at these photos thinking I look like that now. I feel fat, not in my own skin, bloated, in constant pain somewhere in my body, I'm not me and definitely not the girl in the drawing before me. I flip over the page, not wanting to see another one of me like that. But, I don't. It's everything which I've just thought I looked like and felt like.
My hands on my stomach, looking lovingly down at it. Face peaceful and pudgy in a good way. I've got my white long sleeved shirt on and my stomach so obvious it's not funny. My braid tied to my right, stray hairs against my face. I look glowing. Nothing like I feel and how I see myself in the mirror. I look beautiful. And like I was meant to be a mother this whole time. I look up to Peeta, turning the notebook around and showing it to him.
"Is this how I look to you?" I ask more harshly than I intended.
He looks up abruptly and stops his movements, like he's been caught out. When his eyes register which drawing I actually mean, he looks back into my face.
"Yes. That's exactly how I saw you."
"Saw?" I question.
"Yeah." He says confidently.
"How do you see me now?"
He looks at me, taking in my appearance. He's silent for a minute, eyes gliding over every inch of my body visible to the eye. Then he's looking at me with those desire filled eyes again and I wish he didn't.
"You look even more beautiful than you did before." He says without hesitation, without thought, without thinking over it.
I'm breathless again, thankfully not like when he choked me until I was unconscious. I keep my eyes on his, the air around us silent, our gazes doing all the talking. He's looking at me with something deeper than desire. He's looking at me the way he did on the beach. His moves are slow and painful from my view. He swings off the side of the bed, not breaking contact with my eyes. He walks over to me, and soon he's right above me. His eyes flick only for a moment to my lips before his eyes are staring right into my soul. We don't say anything. He's going to kiss me. One of things I've been waiting for since his return, since our last kiss at the lightning tree. I'm waiting, not wanting to push him into it. His face is inches from mine and our breath is mingled together, creating our air. My eyes fall closed, breaking our bond and the only thing keeping us bonded is our air between us. I can feel the heat from his lips and then the buzzer sounds.
Peeta jumps back, almost hitting the wall. We both look to see a lady coming in with a tray of food.
"Mr Mellark, you've got a treat—"
She looks up and is cut off from our breathless, blushed and embarrassed faces.
"Sorry to interrupt." She says.
"It's okay." He says, walking over to her and taking the tray from her.
She leaves without another word.
Peeta walks to the chair, sitting down on it and balancing it on his knees.
"I'm starving. I didn't have breakfast because we slept in." He tells me, starting to take off all of the lids to his food.
My stomach rumbles at the thought of it. I haven't eaten either and I'm supposed to be feeding two. Peeta looks up at me.
"Have you eaten?"
"I'm not hungry." I lie.
"That's not what I asked. Have you eaten?"
I think about lying to him and letting him eat his food, but I know he'll just offer me some too anyways.
"No, but—"
"Doctor Ellis…" Peeta calls as he rises from his chair, placing the food back onto the chair where he was, walking to the mirror.
"Get Katniss what I've got. And a bigger serve. She's feeding two." He demands to the mirror.
I hear a little tap and I know that they've heard and are on it. Peeta nods at the mirror and then walks back, sitting on the edge of the bed, abandoning his food. I look at Peeta like he's crazy... not literally, but in a way it's silly of him to abandon food.
"Peeta, eat!" I tell him.
"No. I'm not eating until you are."
"This isn't the Hunger Games, Peeta. This isn't for our survival. I can last a few minutes without wanting to rip the food out of your hand." I say.
"No, Katniss." His voice raised and stern.
"You both eat first."
I don't bother to argue anymore, he's as stubborn as me.
Soon, my meal arrives and we eat on the bed together. Then they collect our trays and the nagging inside about tomorrow hits me and I know I have to tell him now.
"Peeta?" I say, voice small.
He looks up and nods his head, "Yeah?"
"I have something I need to tell you. And you're not going to be happy. And I'm worried about you flipping out."
His eyes go like stone, looking into mine waiting for the response, to tell him the thing which I desperately didn't to do so soon.
"I'll try my hardest not too." He promises me, back straight and eyes almost unblinking, like he doesn't want to miss anything.
I take a deep breath and ramble,
"I tried everything I could! I didn't want to go in the first place, but Coin made me. She threw saving your life into my face—"
"Katniss? What is going on?" He asks.
"They're sending me along to get Two to side with us."
Peeta jumps up from the bed, starting to pace, hands ruffling in his hair as he starts groaning painfully. He starts muttering to himself, letting out something close to a scream, walking over to the wall and punching it hard, making his muscles flex. I hear the buzz and I jump up from the bed, running and putting my back against it.
"Don't you dare come in here! No more sedating him!" I yell with my eyes closed.
"Katniss, step away from the door." Haymitch tells me.
"No!"
I pick the earpiece from my ear and throw it onto the ground against the wall. I look at Peeta and he is now clenching and unclenching his fists at his side as he walks, blood over the one he punched the wall with.
"How could they?! Two is dangerous! Do they realise how vulnerable you are? How far along you are? She's basically giving you a death sentence and killing our baby along with you!" He screams, pushing himself against the opposite wall.
He sputters, teeth gritted and then he doubles over, knotting his hair between his fingers again.
"When do you leave?" He asks, a little calmer.
"At five in the morning tomorrow." I tell him, waiting for more.
"Are you kidding?!" He yells, looking but up at me.
Before I can even answer, he's yelling again.
"How am I supposed to say goodbye? I feel like I've just started to come back to you and now you have to go! Why are these people always ruining everything? They'll kill you, Katniss! Because you killed Cato. And I killed Brutus. No. You can't go. No!"
Peeta slides down the wall and buries his head between his knees, sobbing with his whole body shaking. I step away from the wall, walking slowly over to Peeta's frail body. I grab hold of my stomach, easing myself down onto the ground beside him. I graze my fingertips over his arm and his head shoots up fast. He's scared, eyes wild and lip quivering. I lean over, wrapping my arms around his chest and back. He starts sobbing again, leaning into my body.
"I have to go." I whisper into his hair.
"If I don't, Coin will put you back on Snow's doorstep. I can't let that happen." I mutter.
He starts crying harder. All I can do his hold him, wishing that this didn't have to happen.
:-:
I didn't leave again that night. I knew that if I left, I'd just crave his arms when I attempted sleep. I had dinner with him, stayed in his arms for as long as I could, let him draw me. It took him an hour to calm down enough he could talk and speak to me about it civilly. I hurt me to see him like that, it was like seeing him hijacked for the first time again. Himself hurting and me not being able to do anything about it to stop that hurting. I was going to Two. My life was going to be in danger. Our baby's life would be in danger. But, I had to put as much faith as I could in my team. Gale, Boggs… everyone. I know Gale won't let anything happen to me or the baby. He cares about us, just as I care for him. That romance, vanished. But the friendship and care we had prior, still alive.
Peeta and I now are lying in bed, lights dimmed, only Drake behind the mirror. Peeta's got one hand under my neck and the other rubbing my stomach. My eyes are droopy, but I cannot let them shut. Because, when I wake, I don't think I'll have enough time to say goodbye. Peeta's staring into my eyes and I'm staring at where my hands are clenched into his shirt.
"Katniss?"
I hum in response.
"Can I try something else?" He asks.
My heart starts thrumming, thinking he's going to do something incredible, different, something crazy like kiss me. I accept his offer instantly.
Peeta moves down from beside me, going until he's in line with my stomach. He balances himself on his fore arms, looking up at me as his fingers grab the hem of my shirt. I nod at him, giving him permission and he slips it up to rest it between my bump and breasts. His hands come up and rest upon the sides of my stomach, taking in what he seems to think is beauty. I let my hand drop, knotting it into his blonde curls. I see his eyes flicker up to mine for a second and then he pushes his head forward, pressing a hot, wet kiss against my exposed stomach. I sigh and shiver at the contact. He pulls away, then leaving a trail all over my stomach. I let him to it, revelling in the contact of his lips on my skin. Then, I hear him murmuring, it brings tears to my eyes.
"Hi baby girl. It's your Daddy. Daddy… Huh… Still even sounds weird to me. I've only ever imagined this, since I was a kid myself, yet it still seems surreal." He chuckles, letting his head bow down before looking back up to it.
"Since your Mommy told me about you, I've imagined what you'll look like. Whether you'll have my curls or your mother's straight hair, her Seam eyes or my Merchant ones, her terrible way of communication…" I burst out laughing as some more tears roll down my eyes.
"Or my apparent golden tongue. But, what I do know already is that I love you more than I love myself. I know everyone around us is going to be besotted by you because you are a light at the end of this revolution. Something for everyone to fight for. And I know, I'm going to try and be the best father that I can for you. Because I'm coming back for you, baby girl. I'm coming."
He presses one last huge kiss on my stomach before he comes back up.
I'm weeping. I can't control it. The old Peeta just revealed himself, in a raw and very intimate way which made me cry like I haven't over a person before, aside from my father's passing. Peeta's face narrows a little bit, his hand comes up and caresses my cheek. He leans over, kissing my cheeks to rid of my tears, letting the sparks inside to go off like nothing else. All of a sudden, my inside are worried about tomorrow.
"What are you thinking about?" Peeta asks, softer than his breaths.
I sigh.
"Honestly?"
"Always."
I feel a little buzz go through my body as I hear him say it again, but I try to ignore it.
"I don't want to have to say goodbye." I reveal.
He leans in closer, burying his head against mine, allowing my eyes to fall close.
"Don't then." He murmurs, the tension between us growing stronger.
"Peeta…"
"Katniss, no. Don't ever say goodbye to me."
I choke out another sob, this one making me wrap my arms around him, needing that comfort. He sighs, kissing my neck softly and then breathing into my hair. He holds me as I cry and I hold onto him like my life depends on it. Within minutes, I stop crying and my head is on Peeta's chest, his arms wrapped around me tight.
"I don't want you to go." He murmurs into my hair.
"I don't want to go."
"I don't want to lose you both."
I lean over to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. I settle myself back onto his chest and say,
"You won't be able to get rid of me that easy."
But even as I say it, I don't think I can even keep that. But, there's a huge hope inside where I am going to be here with Peeta as I deliver our baby.