Chapter 5

"Sweetheart. Time to go." Haymitch ushers me awake from my dreamless slumber.

I wake up, sitting up on the bed. I look at Haymitch and he as his beanie on and his grey tracksuit.

"You have about five minutes before I need to pull you away and get you into your uniform and get into a hovercraft." Haymitch informs me.

I nod, running a hand through my lose locks and I watch him walk back out of the room. I get up and walk to the bathroom, doing my business and coming back out, I see Peeta sitting on the edge of the bed. I wobble in between his legs, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. We stay like that for a few minutes, then I pull away and smile.

"Come back to me?" He whispers.

"We will." I say stroking my stomach.

I let out a sigh and then walk away from him towards the door. I grab the handle, waiting for the buzz. Then I look back to see Peeta walking towards me. He stops a few steps from me and I act from my heart, not my mind. I stride towards him, cupping his cheeks in mine and pressing my lips against his. He's startled and he stumbles back surprised, taking me with him. I feel every cell in my body racing around and sparks exploding inside me. I haven't felt Peeta's lips on mine since the Arena and it's been too long. When we parted at the tree at midnight, I didn't think that would be our last kiss. Our last kiss before they changed Peeta from the boy I knew all too well. I break our connection and instantly miss his touch, starting towards the door which has now buzzed. I turn around for one last look to see Peeta rushing towards me, for a moment, I'm scared about what he is doing and if I've set him off, then I'm silenced by his lips back on mine.

I relax indistinctively into the warm and closeness of his touch. My fingers come up to his hair and tangle in the mess of curls and I can't help when I sigh against his lips, thankful to have his lips on mine again where they belong. Even though this is the best thing that's happened since being here in this dungeon, I can't let this go any further because then I won't get onto that hovercraft. I can't risk losing Peeta, especially after this. I break away and let my head fall down to look at the floor. Breathing heavily, I say without even thinking,

"I love you."

Then I duck out of the door. All I can think is, I need to get back from Two. Even if I didn't, I'd die happy that he kissed me back.

:-:

I got shot. Peeta and I both knew something like this was going to happen. The bullet hit me in the ribs so close to the baby and I was rushed into surgery. The man shot me in my side, I was lucky that the doctors here in Thirteen are incredible. They saved my baby. Only just. I've been in critical condition for almost a week. I haven't seen Peeta. Haven't even heard anything about him. I kept asking Haymitch, but he wouldn't give me any information on him. I screamed at him begging for an update, and even then nothing. It makes me so scared about what could have happened to him. Never mind me almost losing our baby, I just wanted to know he was okay. Today, I was visited by Johanna. She gave me a sympathetic smile after she spoke to me the way she speaks to everyone else does. After Johanna came, so did Haymitch. He finally gave me answers about Peeta. And I burst into tears.

:-:

I stand looking in over Peeta's room. Tied down, black eyes from lack of sleep, grazes and cuts over his arms and face. I gasp and bring a hand to my mouth, letting it soften the sob which escapes, Haymitch stands beside me for support running a calming hand down my arm. After I left, Peeta broke down. He was able to be calmed down by the picture of our baby. When he heard I was shot, he flipped his whole bed over, which led to him being strapped down. When he was told that the baby was at risk of dying, he had the biggest episode since coming back here. He hurt three doctors, broke the other guard's nose, ripped out of the straps, smashed the mirror and got sedated to calm him back down. He tried to escape and get to me, Haymitch tells me. It doesn't surprise me, that's what the old Peeta would have done. But, now we don't even know which Peeta is strapped to that bed. It could be the old Peeta who loves me and our baby or the Mutt who tried to kill me. He learnt the baby was fine and so was I, but he's back to base one. I don't know whether he hates me, whether he loves me, I have no idea.

Haymitch lays a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it as I begin to walk slowly towards the door. He and a guard will be watching. My doctors wouldn't allow me to leave the hospital, but I told Haymitch to come with me or I will go alone. He decided instantly he was going to be there with me. Haymitch is like my second father. And Peeta's too. He cares for me and looks out for me like I am his own, the same with Peeta. I know he has helped more than he cares to admit or he wants too. I don't know what he's been telling Peeta and what's he's helping with, but I know that he has been helping almost as much as I have been. I know he's almost helped Peeta as much with his hijacking as he has with my pregnancy. Because that's what we all do, protect each other. And if Effie was here too, she'd be helping too. But, we don't know where she is, if she's still alive. I push the thought aside.

I hear the buzz and I push open the heavy door open. As I step inside, I see his eyes already trained on mine, like he's been awake this whole time. As I lean against the door, my hands behind my back, I ask,

"Which Peeta am I going to be talking too?"

He stiffens a little and I think it's the other Peeta and I want to crawl into the corner and let the hate be absorbed into my pores. But, his eyes narrow like he's going to cry and I know which Peeta is here with me.

"Your Peeta."

I whisper his name and walk over to him slowly, trying not to make any strenuous movements. My side is stinging and strained from my movements and it's even more painful as I try and lower myself into the seat next to his bed. His eyes are trained on me, not moving at all. He watches my movements, my eyes, my breathing. I wince as I sit down and I try and straighten out the wound the best I can, to stop the sting and burning sensation as it stretches my side wrong. I sigh when I'm as comfortable as I can be.

"Are you okay?" He whispers.

I'm shocked. He's the one who's gone back to almost base one and I'm the one he's worried about. Typical Peeta.

"Am I okay? Are you okay?"

He sighs for a moment, like he's irritated at me for putting the spotlight back onto him, but he says, "I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"I'm alive." I say with a small, reassuring smile.

Reassuring in my opinion, not for Peeta.

"Alive doesn't tell me how you are. Please, Katniss. I've wanted to know for over a week. All they said was that you both got out fine. I need more than that."

He's hurting. That's obvious. I've put him into a horrible place, but it wasn't me. It was Coin who sent me and that man who shot me, risking our baby's life. He's flashbacked to ground zero and his main concern is me and the baby. The baby more than me, but that's expected considering. He's been through hell and back from his hijacking experience. And now he's had to live through hours, days even, of not knowing whether his child was going to live or not. He's hurting beyond belief.

"I'm okay now. Just sore from the impact and the damage it left. But, it scared me so much thinking that we were going to lose her." I choke on the last word.

I lean over, grabbing his hand into mine. He goes like a wooden plank for a moment before he loosens up and rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.

"I'd never been so scared for you both." He whispers, looking deep into my eyes.

I give him a smile and say,

"We're okay now. And I don't plan to leave again until your better and she's born."

He goes tense again, eyes closing and taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down. It doesn't work and his eyes open, filled with anger and more hurting. His eyebrows frown together and he stares at me like I've done something despicable.

"Then you'll drop the baby with Prim because I'm too unstable to be alone with her and you'll venture off to the Capitol to kill Snow. Leaving me here to be in the same pain I was weeks ago. Not knowing how you are and me not being able to see my child!"

I'm stunned and it makes me jump up from my seat, dropping his hand. I brace my hands under my stomach and I rub it. I feel like crying. How could he say something like that? Yes, when the baby is here and settled, first chance I'll want to be in the Capitol, killing the man who caused all of my pain. And Coin will want me there too, to up hold my end of the bargain for being the Mockingjay. But, to think that I am going to refuse him looking after our baby. That's stupid of him to think. The lengths he's going to in order to get better to be the father that she is going to need. I know that he may have sometimes when he doesn't know what to believe, little outbursts of rage, but our baby soothes him more than anything else. So, just seeing her, touching her, hearing her will bring him out from any kind of thing which could scare me. And Haymitch will be around, I bet. I doubt he'll let anything happen to our child.

"Peeta! You're lying to even yourself if you think I'm going to do that! She needs you! You need her!" I yell.

I start to pace, feeling a pain stab through me in my abdomen, I ignore it. I rub the spot it happens in, but I can't let a little pain stop me. He needs to know how much he means to me and how he needs her to survive.

"Yes! I am going to go to the Capitol to kill that asshole Snow for all of the horrible things he's done to you, to me and the people who I love. Don't think that you are going to be put out of this family. You are part of my family, Peeta. When I'm gone, you'll need to be with her to let her know how much I love her and I'm not there because I'm getting a life for us. All this is going to mean her future happiness, her future freedom, the hope we never had! This is all for her and us, Peeta! Don't ever think I'm going to shut you out. I am never going to do that again. I need you! We both need you!"

He's stunned now, staring up at me. Before he can say anything and before I can calm down from my angry rant about how much I need him, I'm worrying. That pain becomes worse and it starts radiating painfully through me and I gasp, letting the obvious pain cross my face.

"Katniss?!"

I groan, feeling the pain worsen. I start worrying badly and gripping my stomach tightly. I hear the buzz and reach to grab the edge of Peeta's bed, needing to hold myself up. I feel the bed moving and I look up to see Peeta tugging on the straps trying to get out. The door opens and I feel hands on my back.

"Sweetheart…"

"I think the baby's coming." I say with clenched teeth, gasping as I feel another wave hit.

"You're too early! She's only twenty-eight weeks! She's too early!" Peeta exclaims from the bed.

"I need my mother." I whimper.

"Where is she?" Haymitch asks.

"Here. She was doing the night shift."

He rubs my back and I groan. I need Peeta's arms, his calmness. I need him not Haymitch.

I feel his hands leave my back and then I hear his steps thumping out. I look up at Peeta who is still struggling and I slowly make my way over. I undo the first one and then cry out, grabbing my stomach. He must unstrap himself because his arms are on my shoulders, pressing a kiss into my hair. I feel tears of pain slip down my cheeks, dripping onto the floor. I move onto the bed, needing to sit down and I lowering myself down wincing. Peeta's instantly beside me with one arm wrapping around my shoulder and his other hand lacing with mine.

"Peeta…" I whisper, feeling myself gripping tightly onto his hand.

"Katniss, you'll be okay. I promise. Even if the baby's coming early, I'll make sure that you'll get through this. You have too. I'm sorry if I caused this. I just… You've seen how erratic I am…"

I shush him softly before I let out another cry, baring forward.

"Katniss?" I hear.

I flick my head up to see my mother rushing to my side, Haymitch trailing behind her. She gets in front of me looks me over, eyes staring a little longer over Peeta's presence beside me.

"How much pain are you in?" She asks.

I scoff.

"A lot!"

"Okay. Have your waters broken yet?"

I shake my head and grit my teeth. She says something to me, or maybe it's Haymitch. Even Peeta, but I can't hear her.

I hear my name being called a few times, but I don't respond. Then,

"Katniss!"

I open my eyes and look to my mother.

"I'm going to check to see if you are dilated or not. To see whether you're in labour or if you've just got Braxton Hicks."

I don't bother to respond, I just put my legs up and look up to Peeta who stands next to me.

"You'll be alright." He whispers. "You're going to be alright." He's brushing my hair out of my face.

I realise it's himself he's saying to it too, not really me. I grab hold of his arm and I tightly grip it. My slam my eyes shut when I feel my pants come off. Peeta continues to touch my face and murmur things to both he and I. I feel her rummaging around and I groan thinking about how uncomfortable it is.

"Katniss, you're not in labour." I hear her say.

Everyone sighs. I do too, but then I'm back to being in pain.

"Can't you do anything to help the pain?!" I exclaim, fidgeting in my place on the bed.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, no. You just have to ride it out. It shouldn't happen again after this."

I groan and snap my eyes back closed again. I nuzzle my head into the pillow and groan into it, Peeta continuing to run his hands over my face and through my hair and mumbling.

Within a few more minutes I feel immense relief and feel that the pains are starting to subside. Peeta's worry also disappears slightly, now Mom and Haymitch can leave, Mom tries to get me to go with her.

"No!" I exclaim, looking at her like she's crazy.

She looks at Peeta and he sits down in the seat next to me, hand coming to hold mine. She looks between the two of us and then she whispers,

"He's dangerous, Katniss."

"He's not! She helps him. I help him." I inform her.

"Katniss…"

"No, Mom. I'm staying here. You can't stop me from leaving. And I don't want to go back to the horrible small, lonely room I am in on the other side of the hospital. I'm fine here. My wounds are healing. I don't even need to be in here anymore."

"Katniss…" She begins again, and again, I cut her off.

"No! I'm staying here."

She shakes her head and turns away walking out, Haymitch following behind.

"I'm going to be behind that mirror." Haymitch says.

I nod my head in grateful understanding and then they are gone.

I get Peeta to climb back into the bed with me and the lights are dimmed again. I thank Haymitch in my mind and then snuggle into Peeta's side. I let my wounded side stay up in the air and I curve into Peeta's side. He holds me and I finally allow myself to relax after two weeks of horrors. Inside Peeta's embrace, I feel our baby start to move. I just hope it stops before I grow too tired. She's always had a habit of kicking me when I'm growing tired. It's very irritating. As the baby settles down, Peeta's voice calling my name interrupts my thoughts and my tired haziness.

"Mm."

"I'm so glad I didn't lose you both. If I did, I…"

I shush him. He's already so sad, if he brings it up, it'll just get worse. Clearly my shushing doesn't work when he speaks again.

"The thought of losing you… Thinking I was going to lose either of you or both of you… I never want to feel like that again." He shutters, blowing shaky breath into my ear.

"You're not going to get rid of me that easily. Or her either. She's already proven to be a fighter."

With that he's silent. After he breathes a couple of time and calms himself down with the running of his hands down my arm. Soon, he's calm and I'm soothed. And then we're both drifting into dreamless slumbers.

:-:

After that, a routine begins. Well, not a routine, I just refuse to leave Peeta's side. I wake up in his arms, eat breakfast with him, let him draw and do his physical therapy while I go and see either Prim, my mother, Gale, Finnick and Annie, or Johanna. We eat lunch together. I potter around whilst Peeta does more physical therapy. We eat dinner together, he draws me, talks to the baby, then we fall asleep in each other's embrace. Then repeat. Soon, Finnick and Annie's wedding rolls around. And I go back to Twelve with Annie, Finnick and Gale in order to get clothes for the wedding. I remember having a bluey-green dress for when I was in Four and I think it may be perfect for Annie as a wedding dress.

I walk into my house, feeling the silence and stillness of the place which I called home for only a year and now think of as my home as our home from the Seam is just a pile of ashes. Annie trails behind me, softly speaking to herself. I know she's in her own mind at the moment, trying to keep sane. I understand that. I used to do the same thing back when Peeta was captured and I was freaked out over the fact I was going to be a mother. So, I don't think of her as 'weird' like other people may. I walk into my bedroom. I notice something lying on the bed and I find it curious. I dismiss it for now, walking into my huge closet. I move through the clothes, feeling sad at seeing Cinna's beautiful works. I let the beautiful textures and materials remind me of the master designer, who gave me my famous nicknames. Girl on Fire… Mockingjay… All him. I push the thought aside when I see the dress. I pull it out and walk out to Annie who sits on my bed, her eyes trained at her hands. I grab her attention and she looks up at me innocently, like a child.

"It looks like Four…" She whispers, feeling the fabric as I hold it out to her.

"Go and try it on. I think it will fit you." I tell her, pointing to the bathroom.

She takes it and walks slowly into the bathroom. Now, I turn my attention to the thing lying on my bed. I get closer and then realise it's a note. Maybe from my mother… Maybe Prim… I don't know. When I see the handwriting, I gasp, putting a hand over my mouth to stop myself from crying out. Peeta… I reach out and take it into my hands, feeling the good quality of the paper. No doubt something from one of his high quality notebooks from the Capitol. I flip it open and I gasp as I see the whole page covered in words. I bite my lip and start to read.

'Katniss,

I wish this never happened to us. I never wish this happened to you. You deserve to live in peace, with happiness, and away from the cameras and Snow. Your life is all I've ever tried to save. When I threw that bread, I should have just walked out into the rain and given it to you. Maybe professed my love there. But, I was too much of a coward to do that.

I love you Katniss. I have since I was five. And I don't think there's anything in the world that could change my mind of that. Because my love for you is stronger than anything that they could try to break me with.

If you're reading this, I'm dead. I sacrificed my life because of how much I love you. I want you to have a life, even if that meant sparing myself. I've only ever wanted you to be happy. Whether that was going to be with me, what I would prefer, or with Gale. Either way, I wanted you to have a life which you have deserved to live.

Never forget that I love you. And if I didn't get a chance to say it before, I am now.

Love Peeta.

And also, I've never forgotten that night. Nor will I ever.'

I'm crying at the end of this. He left this for me, so when he died and I came back home after the Quell, I had one last thing I remember him by. Why does he have to be such an amazing person? I don't deserve him at all. I sit on the bed, holding onto my large stomach as I think back to that night again. For a brief moment, my mind is thinking of Peeta's naked body. I squeeze my legs together to stop the heat from escaping. Then I'm sad again. I hold the note against my chest, letting some of the tears fall onto it. I hear the bathroom door open and then I look up with tears streaming down my face to Annie. My dress fits her and looks incredible, better than it did on me. She holds her arms out and looks at me.

"Do you think it's alright?"

I smile, letting another tear fall down.

"It's perfect, Annie."

When we are finished in my house, I head over to Peeta's to look through his closet for something for Finnick. Standing inside Peeta's bedroom for the first time since that unforgettable night, it feels strange. The love and passion which was shared that night slightly lingers in the air and it makes me sad to think that Peeta and I didn't get to share more time before he was hijacked. I blame myself for this. After some rummaging through his clothes and an overload of feeling comfort inside from seeing what he used to wear and the smell of him on the fabrics, I hand Finnick the suit which Peeta wore in Four also. It's white with an ocean coloured vest underneath. He thanks me and we walk back out and back onto the hovercraft. Within less than an hour, we're back in Thirteen. I still clutch the note in my hand as I walk through Thirteen, into elevators, around marching people, into the hospital, into Peeta's room.

When I walk in with the buzz, I see Peeta sketching hard at work, the buzz not even breaking his concentration.

"Peeta?" I call out, hoping to break him from his drawing trance.

"How was Twelve?" He asks, not looking up at me, not stopping the sweeping of his hand across the paper.

"The same. Burnt, dusty, collapsed." I say cautiously, hoping not to trigger anything.

He nods his head, not offering anything else.

"Happy couple settled?" He says, voice monotone and not showing any kind of emotion or excitement like he was before I left.

I take a step towards him, looking over him to see if there's any visible damage or an explanation for his current attitude. When my eyes find nothing, I say his name again, hoping he'll look up to me.

"What?" He snaps harshly.

"Look at me." I beg, my voice now doing what Peeta's is, monotone.

His eyes snap back up to mine, throwing his notebook to the end of the bed.

"What?" He exclaims, harsher than before.

"What's wrong?" I ask softly.

He scoffs, like he wants to laugh, but he's too sarcastic to even think about doing a proper laugh. He looks at me with almost deadly eyes.

"Why does anything have to be wrong?" His voice is sneered and almost aggressive.

I look at him completely worried and concerned about his knew attitude towards me. His body structure of tense and like he's got a border around himself towards me, I don't like it. And I need to get to the bottom of it. I turn on my heels and grab onto the door, waiting for the buzz. When it sounds, I hear Peeta start yelling back at me, but I ignore it and walk away from the door, leaving his yelling words to the walls surrounding him. I march into the main observation room and see the doctors and Haymitch.

"What has happened since I left?" I exclaim, pointing to Peeta on the other side of the glass wall.

The doctor sighs and I see his eyes flicker to Haymitch for a split second, looking down at some notes on the table. My eyes gaze to Haymitch, knowing that this has to be his doing. My gaze to him is deadly, angry, annoyed. I'm still clutching Peeta's note, now it almost in a ball inside my fist.

"What the hell happened, Haymitch?" I spit, not letting my eyes look anywhere but his face.

He looks at me sadly, taking a deep breath and looking slightly over my shoulder, to where Peeta is visible, my eyes never move.

"What did you tell him, Haymitch?" I yell, almost pouncing on him and wanting to punch in his face.

These damn hormones…

"I didn't think he'd react to it." He starts, avoiding the question and making me even more irritated.

"Haymitch!"

"I told him that Gale was going with you to Twelve."

I sigh and look down, trying to spy my feet, unable because of my large stomach which is in the way. I can't believe that Peeta is still reacting to thoughts of Gale and I. It's never going to happen, Gale is happy for me because I'm finally happy. We are finally in a place where we are friends even when I'm pregnant with Peeta's child. I'm happy with the place that Gale and I are in at the moment, but Peeta must have had a little episode from thinking about Gale and I alone together. But, we weren't alone in Twelve, we had Annie and Finnick. I need to fix this and make Peeta understand. I turn again, heading back towards the door and heading straight in.

When I'm back inside the room, I'm glared at by Peeta and I roll my eyes and walk straight up to the bed.

"Give me your hand." I demand, holding my hand out as I am right next to the bed.

I know I should be more subtle with him, but at the moment, I just want him to understand that Gale is never going to be for me. Only him, only Peeta. Peeta looks at me confused, keeping his hands to himself and his body still tense with myself being in the same room. I lose my patience easily and I reach out and grab his hand from the bed, tugging it towards my stomach. He refuses for a second, before giving up and my hand pressing his hand against my stomach. Our girl inside starts instantly moving at his touch and his face softens just a touch before I look at him dead in the eyes and say,

"She is yours. Never him. Never anyone else. Only you. I only want you. Never anyone else aside from you. She is yours, not his. Never will she be his, only yours. Only ours."

I almost see the flicker of his hijack switch turn off, himself turning back into my Peeta. His body stance slacks, his eyes soften and his lips fall open. His whole body moves quickly after that realisation, his hand pulls from mine against my stomach, jumping up from the bed and pulling me into his arms. I'm shocked at first, himself being so forward after such a selfish border being around him, but I instantly relax into his embrace and holding him to me as close as I can. His nose is in my hair, arms tightly wrapped around my back whilst mine are holding his shoulders and my head pressed against his chest and taking in the normal Peeta smell. I'm in a place which I call heaven, where no one can interrupt us. Except our baby whole pounds against my stomach and against Peeta's. He chuckles so softly before whispering,

"I can feel her."

I smile into his chest.

"She knows her Daddy's touch."

His voice is silent, but his arms hold me tighter, and I know I've hit that soft spot inside him which was created by our daughter.