Hello guys! Yayyy, quick update! Just warning you, this'll probably be a very, very short chapter. Like probably only 1,000 or 2,000 words, and I usually do around 4,000 or 5,000. This is because I'm leaving for Tennessee on Sunday and staying for a week or until Saturday. I start eighth grade that Tuesday, and I'm soooo not ready. I havnt been supply shopping yet, I haven't been shopping for clothes yet and I really need new ones, and I still want an opportunity to hang out with my friends before we start school. And I won't have a lot of time to update, so I at least wanted to post this. So just letting you know, there probably won't be any wifi on vacation so it'll probably be a week before I update. Well I could ramble on more but I'll save the rest of what I have to say till the note at the bottom. Enjoy!

At The End Of The Road, Chapter 11: Subconscious Sleep

PONY'S POV

I was walking, alone, on the way back from the movies. It was a warm spring day, pure green sunshine reflecting rays on the green, healthy leaves. I felt good, better than I had in a long time. The feeling didn't last long, though. A huge jolt of panic sent my heart racing when I saw the fancy red Corvette slowly following me, going fast enough to make me uneasy, but not run away. I put on an unconcerned look on my face, but white-hot fear was flaming inside me. Why did I walk alone? Why didn't I bring a blade? Why aren't I running? When the car stopped, I tried to run. But pain built up inside my chest, causing me to cough and gasp in agony. Why couldn't I run?

They piled out one by one, in their pressed khakis and wool sweaters. I knew then that I was in for it. I couldn't move, I felt too weak. I just closed my eyes and waited for the pain to begin. And it did. It attacked my skin. It swelled throught my bones and muscles and my whole body. I don't know how long it went on. All I could do was scream. Scream for my brothers and my friends and my parents. I knew they'd come. I knew I could count on them. But no one came. I just wanted to die, or at least pass out, so I wouldn't have to feel anymore. But eventually they dropped me onto the sidewalk.

"Why you screaming, greaser?" One snarled at me. I could only see the misty, blurred outline of him.

"No ones gonna come for ya, for someone like you. They may come for a greaser. But nobody cares about a sick greaser."

A sick greaser? What are they talking about. I felt a wind blow through my hair. But I had no hair. I looked down at my body. Bruises stood out against my pale skin. But they didn't look fresh, and something told me that they were there before the beating. I put a hand on my chest. Not the usual firmness of muscle. It was bony, weak. Oh, my God.

A soc kicked me in the ribs, and I yelped in spite of myself. "You can't do nothing about this, kid. You can't do nothing about anything. You can just lay around and wait to die." He kicked me once more for good measure, and they left me, bloody and broken, on the sidewalk.

I cried. I sobbed, salty tears coursing down my cheeks and forming streaks in the blood. I wanted to stop crying, but I couldn't, and it only made me cry harder. Footsteps came, several pairs of them. They didn't come running, though. They came slowly, as if taking in the scene, dwadling.

I cracked open a swollen eye and saw my brothers and the gang standing over me. Relief coursed through my veins. "Soda. Soda, Darry, help me."

Soda gave me a sad smile. "You know I love you, Pony. But this is for the better. You can't do anything anymore. You just lie there. And you worry us,and it hurts us. It's easier if you just go now, it'll save us a lot of trouble in the long run.

It hurt worse than a knife wound. Was this all that they thought of me now? I turned to Darry helplessly, my eyes pleading. He looked away. "I cared about you, kiddo. But you were always hard to handle. But now all I do is work and worry and try to pay the bills. I work my a** off all day and when I come to see you all I get is a smile. And then you just sleep. I used to have plans for you. Now we know that's not gonna happen. You can't run or do schoolwork or do much of anything. What's the point of trying to save you and go on like this?"

I was dumbfounded. I turned to the gang, desperate. They didn't say much.

Two-Bit would. Two-Bit always made things better, we were buddies. "Heck, I'm sorry kid. We had good times together. We used to joke around, you used to laugh. You were a good kid. Then you got sick and, well it changed. We can't do stuff anymore, you can't. It needs to end, you can't hang in when you got nothing to live for."

Steve didn't like me, but he wouldn't leave me to die. "I never liked you, kid. You were tag-along, a pain. You didn't really do anything in my life but annoy me. Why should I try to save someone who I'll be glad to get rid of?"

Dallas. Dallas Winston may be cold and hard, but I know he ain't helpless. "Dallas." I whispered. He just shook his head at me. "You were always a handful. Weak, vulnerable, an easy target. We always had to help you, had to come running to your aid. It put us all in danger. Running to an empty-headed kid who has nothing to offer. It ain't worth it."

I mustered the last of my strength and turned my head to Johnny. Tears flowed down my cheeks, wetting my dry, cracked lips. My body racked and heaved with sobs. Johnny. The dependable one. The one who was there for me. My best friend.

"Johnny." I sobbed. "Johnny, please don't let them leave me. Tell them that I'm not weak, that I have something to live for!"

"I'm sorry, Ponyboy." He said, almost kindly. "I wouldn't leave you here. But you gave up. You let them attack you. The only word that comes to mind is cowardly. You don't have a strong will to live. I really am sorry. But someone like that doesn't deserve to live when they won't even fight."

I lost it. Cant they see that I can't fight? The cancer is taking control of my body. I can't fight to save my life, literally. The gang turned and started to walk away. Not one of them looked back once. I lay my head back down on the sidewalk and waited for death to claim me. Without my brothers and friends, I am nothing. I am weak. I'm useless. Why didnt I see it before? My body throbbed. The world was fading out of focus...

When I usually wake up from a nightmare, it's very sudden. My eyes will snap open, and I'll be screaming or crying or something. Not this time. I think it's because, for several moments, I wasn't sure that it was a nightmare, I thought it was real life.

I was lying on a soft but firm surface. My bones ached. I felt weak and dizzy and sick to my stomach. My eyes were closed, but I could sense darkness beneath my eyelids. Was this heaven? Or was I still on that Godforsaken sidewalk? With enormous effort, I opened my eyes. All the events of the night came washing over me like a wave. Ir was just a dream, a stupid dream. But was it only just a dream? Thoughts like that don't just get inside your head.

I moved my head over on the pillow a little. I was in another hospital room, but an unfamiliar one. I had four I.V.s, two on my index finger and two in my hand. Oxygen tubes snaked under my nose. A tube leading to my heart moniter was stuck to my chest.

Darry was asleep to the left of me, loosely holding my hand. Soda was on the other side, curled up in a chair, his head resting on the metal side of my bed. They scared me. I was scared of my own brothers, and all because of a dream. It sounded ridiculous, I knew it would if I told anyone, but in my head it sounded perfectly normal. And after that dream, I think I have every right to be scared of them.

I knew they wouldn't leave me. That part of the dream was completly unrealistic. It was the other parts that got me worried. Because these wern't just made-up ideas, these were the things I was afraid of. I wouldn't admit it to myself. When I started to think about that, I would try to get my brain to switch to a new topic. But that's not an easy thing to do. I remember think about it before I fell asleep tonight, the night I got the infection. I was thinking maybe I am weak, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. What if I'm just becoming a burden to them? I mean, face it, who wants to spend all their time in a hospital watching a kid sleep? I know it's gotta be hard. But they havn't given up on me, have they?

Soda groaned, and stirred in his sleep. I hoped he wouldn't wake up. Fir the first time in my life, I didn't want to talk him. He started to wake up anyway, yawning and stretching in his chair. He opened his eyes and turned to me. His eyes widened slightly, but I could tell he was trying to play it off. I must look pretty bad.

"Hey, kid." He whispered, gently brushing back a piece of hair from my sweaty forehead. "How you doing?" I didn't look him in the eye. I didn't know why, I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I let my eyelids droop so he wouldn't notice.

"I'm tired." I said. It was hard to talk, my throat was dry. "Can I have some water?"

"You can try some. Think you can keep it down?"

"I don't know. I'm so thirsty, Soda. Please?"

"Okay, you can try a little." As he reached over for the water glass, I saw his eyes. Something lurched inside of me, and I felt tears threaten to spill over. I shut them tightly, forcing them back. His eyes were so concerned, so... so sad that it hurt me. I shouldn't be making him sad, but I am.

Soda put an arm under my shoulders and helped me sit up. Ah, thank God. Water. I tried to drink more, but Soda pulled the glass away.

"Sorry, Pone, but I don't want you getting sick." I just nodded and leaned back, closing my eyes. I wished I could fall asleep. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I was scared of dreaming. I tried to fight sleep, I really did, but before I knew it I was fading away.

Author's Note: Ehhh, not my best. Sorry, I kinda rushed, I really wanted to get out another chapter before vacation. Please give my your advice, feedback, or anything in a review! I got a ton of new reviewers, which made me happy, but I'm missing a lot of old reviewers. Please review, I love long ones, but it doesn't have to be long at all. Just a quick thought on the chapter. I'll PM everyone as soon as I can, sorry, my internets having some problems :) And I'll respond the the guest reviews next chapter! Oh, let me explain something about this chapter. PLEASE READ! Okay, this was kind of an experiment chapter. Ponyboy doesn't like to reflect on all this stuff, but he dreams about it. I meant for this to be like his honest reflection of thoughts, because when he's awake he isn't always honest with himself. Please let me know how I did with it! Kay, thanks! Have a nice weekend, Stay Gold!

-Emily ;)