JMJ

Chapter Two

Matter Undermined

"The doctor will see you now," said one of the nurses.

He happened to be the only male nurse there as well as more humanoid than most except that his head somewhat resembled the old fashioned nurse's hat on top of his head. He wore also soft sneakers, pink and orange scrub, and long blackish-blue hair. Somehow he was reminiscent of Casey Jones losing a bet on Halloween. The way he marched out added to the affect as he came out from behind the station through the half-door and opened one of the doors in the empty pool for them.

In the trio were ushered. They dared not decline. Matthias first, then Esther, and then the Hatter.

"Take off your shoes, please," said the Nurse pointing to Matthias.

"I'm not the patient," said Matthias bluntly.

"You mean you're 'impatient'," retorted the Nurse. "Come on, take off your shoes and we'll weigh you."

"Better do as he says, Mattie," said the Hatter sagely.

"But he's the patient," said Esther pointing to the Hatter.

"Yes, he seems to be surprisingly patient," said the Nurse, "and you're somewhere in between."

"Actually, we'd just like to get out of here," said Matthias. "No one's the patient anymore. This is all a misunderstanding."

"We won't get anywhere if you don't take off your shoes and let us get started," said the Nurse. "The faster you comply, the faster you'll get out of here, and the faster you'll come back for the follow-up."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," snorted Matthias. "Now where's the exit?"

"You'll be shown the exit just as soon as we get through the appointment," said the Nurse.

"Maybe you should just…" Esther began timidly, then stopped.

Matthias let out a growl and angrily took off his shoes to let the Nurse weigh and measure him on a very normal-looking clinical apparatus of that type.

"Very good," said the Nurse. "You're head isn't in the clouds, so we don't have to worry about that, but you are a bit heavy in the brow even if not anywhere else. That's the worst place to be heavy, you know."

"What about the heart?" asked Esther tersely.

"A light heart never produces a heavy brow," retorted the Nurse; his haughty brow seemed to prove some ailment of his own.

Quickly getting off the scale again with a huff, Matthias suddenly realized that he had not even been made to take off his hat, but he mentioned nothing of that as he pulled his shoes back on in further haste. He was not going to be made the patient any further. Not in a Wonderland clinic! Or would that be a Looking Glass clinic?

Whether there was difference between the worlds of the two books or not, despite what some devotees claimed, Matthias was sure that going through the Looking-Glass was just Wonderland on a different day as Wonderland could hardly be stable enough for distinct lore.

If anything we might be through the Looking Glass, he thought now despite himself, not because of the location, but because that books' the snarkier of the two.

The Nurse brought them to the door of a certain Dr. Matter. Although there was not a common medical joke to go with it, the amount of disparaging puns Matthias could make with the name bothered him more than a "Dr. Suregraves" or even a Dr. "Needlenose" might. It was the uncertainty about the name that really bothered him, and as there was not even so much as a window to crash though for the moment, he felt that there was no other choice but to go in through that door unless he wanted to fight the Nurse about it. Though, that was likely to end up in nothing but having to go to a hospital as the Nurse was twice his berth and a few heads taller.

So closing his eyes he only managed to keep some sense of pride as he allowed the Nurse to open the door for the trio to go inside. Maybe some Wonderland nonsense could get them out of this as simply as telling the doctor that nothing was the matter so that Matter disappeared allowing the trio to slip away somewhere dressed as doctors like A Three Stooges skit.

He doubted it, but he wasn't willing to let the idea go just yet. If anything a first name might have given him a further clue, but no name but "Matter" was given, not even by Dr. Matter himself, unless his name was 'Doctor'.

He came in, a frazzled old mule with a bright enough smile to blind one and dull enough eyes to bore one out of one's skull. He wore a long doctor's coat and two ear tags with numbers on them, but the numbers changed on a flat yellow digital surface. As far as Matthias could tell there was no rhyme much less reason to the flipping numbers unless it was counting exchange of a flea market in the speed of a flea's lifespan— a little stretching it perhaps, but Matthias had to admit that he had quite had enough of mysteries. He had quite had enough of wondering aimlessly.

Now that he had Esther, he would have liked nothing better than to get out of here for the real world and let some real investigators deal with the scientists. And how about real rescuers to rescue the prisoners in the ball?

Unless… there was no reasonable way to get them out without the help of Wonderland.

He really only had time to ponder this at all as the doctor was reviewing medical history. Though, it could not rightly be Matthias' as the only thing recorded about him was his height and weight. He did not even have a name associated with him. Maybe he was just looking at sport's statistics on duty.

Matthias shrugged.

Once Dr. Matter put down his pad, he looked at Matthias with squinting eyes as though he needed a pair of glasses and was too obstinate to wear them.

"So, please sit down," said Matter.

"I'm already sitting," said Matthias seated quite cockily right on the edge of the small desk near at hand.

"I mean on the bed here and we'll begin," said Matter in the same patient, though somewhat hazy tone as before.

"I'm fine right here," said Matthias.

Esther bit her lip.

Matter blinked, swished his tail, and decided not to be as stubborn as a mule, anyway, except that someone had to sit on the bed, apparently. After a moment, he did so himself as though it was an act of admirable charity.

"So," he said, "what seems to be the trouble?"

"I'm not sick," said Matthias simply.

"And that's a trouble to you?" said Matter quite confused. "Well, yes, I suppose that would be a troubling thing to be in a clinic without something to be clinical about. Well, y'know. It's simply just a trick of mind over matter."

Matthias nodded not withholding his sass in the least, and Matter did not seem to notice.

"If you believed you had a toothache long enough you would have a toothache to complain about," said Matter, "and if I gave you medicine for it, you would feel better because it was all in your mind to begin with, but you believed it would cure you. Then it would."

"Except for the side effects," remarked Matthias.

"Oh, I don't know about that," said Matter. "If you believed your pinky was a problem then you would eventually have no choice but to cut it off, and you would feel much better about nine as though it was more than ten."

Without meaning to Matthias curled his fingers into fists. Although he did not look, he was sure Esther and even the Hatter suddenly did the same.

"You don't say," chirped Matthias.

Matter champed then at seemingly nothing in his mouth as though he was chewing the cud from a cow rather than a mule. His brow wrinkled from the strain of some ponderous thought. It looked so painful that Matthias almost felt it himself.

"Is anything the matter?" suggested Esther thinking something of a similar nature to Matthias about how to escape the old mule.

"There is only one in this room," said Matter. "It's just me."

"So it is," muttered Matthias idly.

"But I think if we examine you," Matter went on, "we may find something wrong. According to the Nurse's record you have a heavy brow. It might be from something pressing in your sinuses, y'know what mean?"

"Not really," said Matthias. "But I think if the only matter is you, you might just want to let us go so you can have some 'me-time' to yourself until you work that all out. Right?"

Matter paused, but he soon shook his head and with a lot less pain involved. "No, no, I'll be fine. Just lay your head… or is it 'lie'? I always get that mixed up. Well, lie down, and I'll get the X-ray so we can look inside your head. Then we'll see what's making your brow so heavy."

Matthias breathed in. "Look, my sinuses are fine. Clear passage all the way through."

"Well, an empty head usually doesn't weigh on one right away," said Dr. Matter, "but it may affect you more later on. If you need a brain transplant, we'll have to make an appointment at the hospital for a later date. One with more in it, and preferably lighter things like some balloons."

Esther bit her lip horrified, but before she could speak, Matthias held up his hand to tell her to allow him to get them through this.

"Do you have a vexination record we could locate?" Matter went on. "Being under-vexinated is a heavy thing keeping one down instead of over-vexinating that keeps you on top of everything."

"Well, if you follow the idea of mind over matter, doctor," said Matthias, "I had enough vexing to last me a lifetime."

"Ah! Then that's not the problem, is it?" mused the mule scratching his hairy chin.

He took the stethoscope from around his neck and put it to his ears. Matthias half-expected him to somehow do it backwards, but everything was quite right until after breathing on the end piece, he placed it between Matthias' eyes. Matthias frowned.

"How is my poor son?" sighed the Hatter suddenly. "You're making me terribly worried about him."

Matthias rolled his eyes.

"Well, congratulations, he's not empty," said Matter. "That's a good thing too. Something is definitely in his head, so we're back to something being in there that shouldn't be rather than the other way around."

"You mean there's a head in something that it should be in?" asked Matthias.

Before Matter could sort that one out however the Hatter took liberty to speak: "Oh, the only thing that's inside his head that shouldn't be is what the mercury poisoning left behind, and it's going to catch up with him sooner or later if it's not soon outside the head where it should be."

The mule nodded slowly as though with mutual understanding, though he did not seem at all concerned.

"Then we'll have to get someone to remove it. I'll just get the X-ray."

Matthias gave the Hatter the ugliest glare he possibly could. Hatter or no Hatter he would strangle his skinny little neck after this.

"Oh, that's no problem!" said the Hatter only grinning at Matthias and tapping his nose.

Matthias sneered.

"Of course, the easier way," said the old mule opening a cupboard and rummaging about, "the best way to clear away a murky cure is… to clear the head and start over so no one knew he gave a cute that wasn't what it seemed, but first we'll try to locate it." He rummaged some more with great consternation and much concentration.

Matthias wondered if they could just leave the room now while he was busy. All he would have to do would be to sneak up behind him, shove him into the cupboard like the witch in "Hansel and Gretel", and make up a prescription to give to the nurses in the pool. Yet just as he was slipping off the doctor's desk, Matter revealed the X-ray with a great "Ah ha!"

"But I didn't think an X-ray was good for seeing inside a skull," Esther suddenly said.

"Ah, but without the X-ray," muttered Matter holding up what looked more like a science fiction weapon than any traditional X-ray, except in a vintage comic.

Strangely enough, it actually looked like something Matthias had made before for a client, except a little less steampunk and a little more sixties-retro. Had he made it in Heartland or at his real store in real life? Both? First in real life then repeated in this dream world?

"You're going to shoot him with that thing?" demanded Esther.

If action called for it, Matthias would move, but not until he knew for sure. The timing would have to be right. Matter carried himself like an old doddering idiot, but Matthias doubted he was as weak as all that. His legs looked especially capable of dangerous kicks, and someone in the room might be more knocked out than the Mad Hatter had previously been. He glanced at poor Esther especially.

"Don't be ridiculous!" said Matter. "This is just the therapy pet. For folly pride, reclusive pride, knifing in… and I need all the confidence I can get. And a little depth perception never hurt anyone."

He set the ray gun aside, and Matthias crossed his arms quite impatiently now. This time Matter pulled out from his pocket what looked like an ordinary magnet.

"This is for the moment," explained Matter, "and with a little momentum…" Here he released a very dull chuckle, "I have this magnetic resonance. It is perfect for this sort of thing. If mercury is in the brain then we'll know something more by this."

"Mercury isn't magnetic," said Esther, "and besides, I don't think the Hatter meant literal mercury but figurative."

"If figurative, then we should be able to figure it out all the better," replied Matter haughtily. "Literal things are almost impossible to explain without some inaccuracies, especially for a true genius but the figurative is always easier to explain even by the simplest person. You obviously don't know about what happens to mercury when it's liquid, and the brain is quite liquidy both literally and figuratively. That's the best kind of thing to explain. It begins to spin under a magnetic field, so if the patient begins to feel dizzy from his head spinning then we'll know if the mercury is there. If it is it will become a cup-shape."

"His head?" demanded Esther.

"The spin," said Matter. "Just like a hollow top!"

"Well, Mattie is my son," said the Hatter, "and a cup of tea is always expected from the Hatter family."

"But it's probably more a cup of mercury," said Matter blinking strangely.

"For a Hatter there isn't much of a difference, is there?" demanded Matthias.

"Oh!" gasped Matter. "And there's the heavy brow. Here, let's get the magnet."

Here he set it to Matthias' head much the same way as he had with the stethoscope. To be fair, Matthias had not been expecting anything to happen at all, but he should have known better. As soon as the magnet came into contact with his winkled brow, he felt a sweeping sensation as though his very brain gave a sort of leap like a stomach churns from a disturbing thought.

Nausea was almost instantaneous whether from figurative thought or literal spinning as the room began to blur in circular motion. He tried to push the magnet away, but he suddenly felt very faint.

He couldn't possibly have mer… murky… mercantile… murakami… He tried to formulate the word he wanted, but other words echoed in its place as of their own accord as though to purposely trip him up. It was as though he was trying to fish for the right fish in a sea of wrong ones that leapt in front of it each time he almost had it. He had not learned to draw the M's of all wells, and he was not well at all. He could almost see glittering rainbow studs swirling as blindingly as they were dizzying until he fell down that well.

Right off the desk.

"Matthias!" Esther shrieked.

At least that didn't echo woozily even if it was piercing enough to throb his aching head. The warm arms grabbing his shoulders from behind made up for it a little. He blinked away the haze and looked wearily at Esther whose face did look a little angelic as she wiped a strand of hair too short to quite be in his eyes even if out of place. She tucked it into its shaggy place amidst the salty sweat with her small white dry hand.

Maybe he was still woozy.

… a little.

He shook his head nonetheless and picked his hat up off the ground as he pulled himself to his feet. Esther was there as a safeguard. He attempted to motion to her that he was good without her, yet he suddenly felt an oncoming aftershock of his experience. Minimal as it was, it made him lose his balance enough to need both his hands to stable himself against the desk.

"Matthias, are you okay?" Esther asked.

"Yeah!" Matthias croaked with a toothy grin and nodded repeatedly as he reached out one hand to pat her arm for reassurance.

Esther was not all reassured however as she threw a deadly look at the doctor enough to lash out in protection.

Like a French angel fish who mates for life, he found himself thinking, though immediately afterwards he laughed at himself even a little out loud. Ouff! You are a little sick there, Hatter Junior.

"What's so funny?" Esther demanded.

"Well, he is a little mad," said the Hatter.

"He is not!" Esther declared.

"Not anymore than the next person normally," Matthias meandered out loud; though his focus grew more and more concentrated and with anything but humor or lightness as he turned to Dr. Matter, "but…"

"Well," muttered Dr. Matter. "That settles it. We'll have to use the X-ray."

"Why?" Esther snapped. "For your ego, because you don't know how to cure anybody?"

Although he already had the weapon in his hands, Matter paused a moment thoughtfully— very stupidly as though he was only pretending to think. His brow was far heavier than Matthias', Matthias felt for sure.

There was a small mirror that Matthias suddenly turned to one side to see into despite himself. There was a myriad of wrinkles sprinkled about his understandably concerned forehead, but he saw nothing heavy about it so much as a little spacey. And a little pale. And a little bit of a natural gothic eye bruise from the faint, or maybe left over from time in the ball. Ball and chain-reaction? He couldn't recall the detail of his reflection in the library, nor did he have time to conjure it up if he could have.

A little mad. Just a little.

"What's the matter?" he muttered almost as dully as Matter himself.

"I am," said Matter cheerfully.

"Well, it's simply mind over matter," said Matthias with a shrug. "Or matter under mind."

"Undermined?" asked Matter quite confused. "You mean that I've been undermined?"

"Well, there wouldn't be much that you could have in-mined, I wouldn't think," shrugged the Hatter.

"Ah! Vale, Papi!" said Matthias.

Matter's jaw dropped with slow befuddlement.

"So… why don't you just put down the ray and start to think about your paranoia," added the Hatter.

"My paranoia? You mean I have never been, uh, mined?" asked Matter. "Or never minded?"

"Never mind about that!" said Matthias.

"About what?" asked Matter.

"About us!" snapped Esther.

"Well, I'm a doctor not a miner!" snapped Matter. "And I'm certainly not a minor! I have a medical license for this thing."

And with that he took the ray gun up and shot forward in pure frustration.