Author's Note: A different, introspective look at being a career victor in the next district to get their first survivor in the new era.

….

The Seventy-Ninth Annual Hunger Games: Theodore (Theo) Goldsmith, District One (18)

District One was bright. Theodore returned home in the summer, the weather still warm, the sunlight reflecting on the glass cityscape, blinding him as he toured their home on his victory parade. Augustus, his mentor was bright too. Alive with the buzz of victory, of his success at mentoring, his smile beaming at everyone they met, his skin glowing as he shook hands with everyone who wanted to get close to them. Luxor said that Gus was reinvigorated. Theodore had brought a new lease of life into him and inspired him to greater success at their Academy.

Theodore was a little more realistic. Augustus loved the attention, and he was getting exactly what he wanted. He wanted nothing more than Luxor's continued approval and he was getting that too. Augustus had done the district proud, done his duty twice over, as a tribute and a victor and was elevated into one of the district's stars in the Snow era. Together, Theodore and Luxor had reasserted District One's place as a winner in the new days of the Hunger Games, beyond the instability that set the tone for the Quarter Quell. District One was back. District One was loyal, and they had been rewarded.

District One was happy and bright. They were enjoying renewed success in their industry, and everyone was talking about them and spending their money on them again.

District One was everything the arena was not. Theodore's arena was dark and cold, a perpetual night covering the endless forest. He had been scared beyond measure and allowed the District Two girl to lead their alliance. He would never admit that, certainly not to Augustus. It was not the act he played. He pretended to enjoy himself, so well it seems that his mentor appeared to believe him. It was believable enough that when Two's girl made a mistake and led them into a trap, Theodore pounced and turned the tables. He killed both Twos before setting out on his own.

Augustus had betrayed the alliance from the first night, and it was a move he favoured, so much so, that he tried to take credit for his tribute's actions repeatedly. But it was Theodore's own doing and set him on his path to getting out of the arena as quickly as possible.

But not everyone believed the act. He knew that Gem did not. But she was the oldest and wisest and saw through all of One's victors. Cashmere was busy worrying about Aria who constantly looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but he knew she saw it too. Her brother certainly did, and Theo knew they held no secrets between them.

Theodore started to seek out Gloss' company. Gloss was his mentor's own mentor, but he knew their connection was short-lived. Gus favoured Luxor and was always trying to push that relationship with Theo, claiming that he was a good influence. But Theodore wanted to decide for himself who he was closest to, and he found Gloss easier to be around.

Gloss was honest with him, about what was to come and about how it was okay to feel confused and conflicted about everything. The Academy had painted a picture of the arena and the experience of the Hunger Games, and it was different in reality.

The Capitol took care of them at first. But that was only because they needed all twenty-four tributes to arrive at the arena alive for their television spectacle. Theo was realistic about that too. The Academy had prepared them well for that element, even if other elements had been less than honest. One's tributes knew their role, they knew they had to be at the heart of the spectacle, to grab the audience's attention and to participate in the arena with glee.

So, Theodore had become an actor. It was a talent he developed naturally. He wanted to win the Games but could never show his fear. He tried to continue this in the Victors' Village too when it was just the victors together. But that had fallen apart the moment night fell after Theodore returned home.

He was now terrified of the dark. It was a fear he could not hide. At first, Augustus thought it was a phase, his victor adjusting to life outside of the arena and as a victor. He was understanding at first. He knew it was not all smooth sailing from the moment a victor came home. But once he realised that this was not a passing phase and that his victor was genuinely terrified every time night came, he started to lose patience.

Theodore would lie awake with all the lights on frozen in panic. As winter came closer and the nights drew longer, it became more difficult to manage. At first, he could enjoy the day, sleep in the evening and again in the early hours as the sun started to rise. But that was no longer possible as the Victory Tour approached and the shorter days of winter set in.

He knew he could not be like this during the Tour and Augustus kept reminding him of his new duties and the expectations upon them. Everything had to go perfectly, they were District One after all. They would not if Theodore spent half the time in a blind panic and was too frazzled to perform during the day.

Many of the other victors were more helpful. Gloss stayed with Theo during some of the nights, taking it in turns with Cashmere, Gem and sometimes Topaz, when she was not spending her nights with Luxor. They would try to distract Theo, keep him talking, occupied and relaxed until he was able to fall asleep.

But on many nights, the nightmares came too. Augustus pretended he never had them, although Gloss quickly confirmed that was a lie. Gem was keen to tell Theo that she had seen every single one of their district's victors have nightmares, even if it was only for a brief spell. It was an almost universal affliction among the victors and Theo should not feel embarrassed that he was experiencing them too.

Victory, Theodore realised, was a complex picture. It was not the lifetime of glory and glamour the Academy had told him to expect. There were elements of that of course and Theo could not deny that he loved many aspects of his victor status. He loved his new home, the fact that he would never want for anything else and that the students at the Academy loved him and were inspired by him.

He also believed he had done something genuinely positive for the district. His family were heralded heroes for producing their newest victor, the Academy was being lauded for its renewed success and he would be able to promote the great and good of District One in front of Panem.

He loved his district, and he loved the Academy too. He recognised that they were not entirely honest about all aspects of the Hunger Games and life as a victor, but he could see why, and he believed they were doing the right thing. Victory was complicated after all. It was not all as simple as Augustus and Luxor tried to make out.

They needed a continual string of willing volunteers to keep their status and build on their success. Their volunteers saved the lives of other children too. He was determined to see that District One would never send a terrified twelve-year-old into an arena. His home had the status and privilege of saving more of their children and he was going to work with the other victors to keep that alive.

He thought back on his years at the Academy with fondness. It had been a harsh environment at first. Competitive, with each candidate doing all they could to outfight, outsmart and outmanoeuvre each other. But it had raised him to be physically and mentally strong. The Academy taught him to fight, how to interact with other people and get the best from them and how to perform in front of an audience, a skill he had realised was vital in a successful victor.

As a District One victor, he was not going to be allowed to fade into the background. He had to maintain appearances. He was going to become a leader at the Academy and work with the volunteer candidates as they prepared for the selection tests. He knew they all admired him and looked up to him and a huge part of Theodore enjoyed that. He had done something great. But he also resented them slightly for their naivety. He knew he had been in their shoes but now he knew what they did not and how much all but two of them would remain ignorant of.

He had decided to make acting his talent too. It had all come naturally to him in the arena, and he was having to act his way through the ups and downs of victory. So, he figured he may as well use it to his advantage and comply with another of the Capitol's requirements.

It had been Gloss who suggested it. It was something new to Theodore, acting outside of the context of the arena and something he did not already have an emotional attachment to. They had both seen Aria singing at the behest of the Capitol and Gloss had commented on how the enjoyment in her eyes had faded the longer she was forced to perform. The Capitol had taken from her something she had previously enjoyed. Theo was determined for them not to do the same to him.

He knew the Capitol was powerful and now he saw how much control they could have over a victor's life. He remembered talks in the Academy about how to perform for the Capitol and how one of their roles as tribute was entertainer and vessel for the Capitol's enjoyment. It was clear now that those expectations endured beyond the arena.

Victory was a mixture of taking the good with the bad and Theo was trying to ensure that the positives came out on top. He was determined to get a hold of his fears and stop them from taking over his life. He could see that some of his peers were unhappy and that the negatives had taken over their lives. Now Gloss and Cashmere were being forced into settling down and he could see how that was affecting the siblings too.

Thankfully, Theodore knew he had time yet before expectations like that were made for him. He had not abandoned the idea of a relationship with someone removed from the victors' circle or the Academy entirely. He wanted to make sure he kept hold of his life.

He could see in his mentor and Luxor the total opposite. They were people who had made pleasing the Capitol and meeting their expectations their entire life and reason for being. It made Theodore uncomfortable and even more determined to find the right balance.

In his mind, his loyalty was to the district and continuing to do the right thing by his home. So, when he made his triumphant return to the Academy, he was sure he was doing the right thing and was where he needed to be.

He delivered the talk about surviving the arena and life as a victor in the manner expected of him as a victor and Academy leader. It was the polished version that Theo knew to be economical with the truth in some areas, but he believed it was for the best in maintaining ready volunteers who would do their best for the district.

He spoke of his pride in his moment of victory and the joy of returning home and being presented as their newest victor. He reinforced the ideals in what they were doing in contributing to the endurance of Panem and ensuring that only the best and the readiest offered themselves to the Capitol.

Then it was time to join the candidates for sparring sessions. The eighteen-year-olds were eager and falling over themselves to spend time with him and get a real insight into the Games. So, Theo told them what he could all whilst putting them through their paces, making sure he gave them his best. They could be under no false impressions of the standard the Academy required of them to volunteer.

It made Theodore feel valuable and allowed him to grow in confidence as a victor. He was the most junior in the Village and would defer to the others easily, but here he was in his element. He felt the most at home at the Academy and was delighted to return. This was the part of being a victor he could do. He was a role model by just being. His presence was what they needed, and he was doing a worthwhile job of instilling confidence and challenging his potential successors.

Theo was relieved to have not suffered an injury requiring lengthy rehabilitation. The Academy and being able to continue training had become his anchor. He knew it was going to take time to navigate the rest of what his status as a victor entailed but he had something he was good at, that he genuinely believed in to get him through.

This was something where no acting was required. He enjoyed and believed in what he was doing. There were no fears to hide, no hidden challenges to navigate. It was him, the students and a sword. This was something he could do with ease.

It was something the other victors loved to see too. No matter their connection, whether it be Gloss, Augustus or Gem, they could all see that Theodore thrived by being back at the Institute. Nobody had challenged the timing of his return once they had seen him in his element and the students taking in every second of his presence. He was somebody they knew would remain with the Academy and help ensure its endurance through whatever came next.

When the time came for the Victory Tour, Theo felt in a better place than upon his return home. He was still struggling at night, but he was gradually getting more sleep, aided by an increase in physical activity at the Academy. He had asked Augustus to spar with him on the Tour when they had the chance and luckily his mentor agreed and let him know that he would also have willing sparring partners in any of the victors in Two and Noah and Finnick in Four. Gus was already excited at the photo opportunities that would provide them and the attention he and his victor would get as if the very nature of the Victory Tour was not enough.

Theo knew that this would also be a defining moment in their relationship. He would find out just how different they were in their attitudes. He could already see Gus' unease at his growing closeness with Gloss and he knew that Augustus would use the Tour as an opportunity to try to persuade him of the benefits of his worldview and attitude towards their roles and responsibilities.

But Theo's time in the Academy under only light supervision had allowed him the time and space to think. He could be his own person. He was mature enough to make up his mind about being a victor and how to perform the role. He could decide who he felt the closest to. He had found the time spent with Gloss easy and comforting and this was not something he always found with his mentor.

Theodore had also figured out what was happening in the background. He knew that Luxor had taken Augustus from under Gloss' wing and that Gloss would happily do the same with Augustus and his victor, because they were District One and outsmarting and outplaying each other was how people so often reached the top. It had played a huge part of life in the Academy and there was no surprise that it would continue in those who survived the Games.

But Theodore was not going to be a pawn in their games and rivalry. He would seek out the connections he wanted and needed. He also felt that Gloss was genuine in their interactions. He wanted to help and did not want to see Theo struggle with his fears or fade under the pressure of becoming a victor. Gloss was watching his sister struggle with Aria's growing troubles, and he did not want that to happen to another of their victors. So, behind the internal rivalries, there was a genuine affection and Theodore was going to continue building it.

He was also going to use the Tour to find out more about the other victors and take the whole experience with an open mind. He knew what would happen once they reached the Capitol and unlike Augustus, he knew he was not going to be able to make himself enjoy it or see it as another necessary service to the Capitol. But he had built up the strength and space in his mind to deal with it as it arose.

Being a victor was complex and difficult. It was not going to become easier immediately either. There was his first Hunger Games as a victor to adapt to before he could make any further judgements. But Theodore was trying his best to find a balance. To make this new life work for him. He knew there were ways in which it would, both in the Academy and in sharing his love for all things District One. But he had his battles to win too. He needed to make the life and light of District One completely overpower the darkness of the arena and the nights he found so difficult and he was not there yet. It was going to take time and Theo had found out that if there was one thing all victors did have in spades, it was time, and he was going to use it to his advantage. His survival had made him a victor and he needed to make being a victor work for him.