Hello everyone! Thank you for your concern and your patience. I'm so sorry it took so long, I was taking a break to work out some plot things and, well, other stuff happened in my personal life and here we are. My sincerest apologies and I am going to make it up to you by posting more than one chapter this week. Here is the first one, the second one will follow in the next two to three days. Please forgive the un-polishedness of these next couple of chapters. At some point, I will probably come back and do some more editing, but right now I'm too tired to do anything more than basic editing. I will leave a more detailed note at the end of the next chapter that I post complete with mailbox responses. In the meantime know that I have not forgotten you, have not given up on the story, and am still here.
Please, enjoy!
Raven squinted, trying to clear up her vision.
The girl that sat before her was blurry. She looked familiar like Raven knew her or had seen her before, but her features were fuzzy, like she couldn't quite focus on them. And it was just the girl's face that seemed to be affected, like Raven was looking through a camera lens and her face was just out of focus.
The rest of the girl was crystal clear. She was short, with an hourglass figure and toned muscles. She had tan skin, and sandy blonde hair that had purple ends and highlights in it. She had purple eyes, pointed ears, and a lopsided smile. She wore a black leotard with short sleeves and a crew neck, and a pair of black shorts that most fathers would consider far too short. Her hair was tied back in a perfect French braid that would have made Starfire green with envy, and she was barefoot. On the whole, the girl looked to be about 16 years old, though who she was or what she was doing there, Raven had no idea.
Raven didn't even know where "there" was.
They were sitting in a meadow that appeared to have no beginning and no end. The grass was gold-like wheat with pink and purple flowers dotting its surface. The sky was a clearer blue than Earth's and was cloudless. To one side, far across the expanse, there was a bright light shining, seemingly beckoning Raven closer. To the other side, there was a darkness that seemed foreboding. Both seemed to rise like walls on either side of the meadow like bookends. In between the two, in the middle of the meadow, was a single tree with rich brown bark, emerald green leaves, and bright red apples. In the branches of the tree, little birds sat chirping happily.
The whole place reminded Raven of Happy's domain in Nevermore, but some part of her knew that this place was different.
"So...where are we?" Raven asked.
The girl tilted her head and looked at Raven with mild interest.
"We are Nowhere."
"We're nowhere?"
"Yes, we are Nowhere."
"So this place doesn't have a name?" Raven asked confused.
"This place is Nowhere," the girl replied blandly.
"Okay wait," Raven closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. This was quickly turning into the world's worst version of "Who's On First".
"The place, the physical area we are currently occupying, is called...?"
"Nowhere."
"So it's called Nowhere?"
"Yes."
"Okay...and where exactly is Nowhere?" Raven asked somewhat relieved. Hope that she wasn't completely lost began to rise now that they were making progress.
The girl shrugged indifferently.
"Nowhere."
Raven hung her head and huffed in frustration. What little hope that had begun to build within her a moment ago now drained completely away. She fell back onto her back staring hopelessly up at the sky. She was never going to get out of there.
"Nowhere is nowhere, everywhere and in-between." The girl explained factually.
Raven propped herself up on her elbows.
"So it's the afterlife?" She said skeptically.
"No, it is not the afterlife, but you already knew that."
"Well it's not Hell, and there's no way I would end up in Heaven so yeah, kind of figured."
The girl gave Raven an amused look, but remained silent.
"So if we aren't in Heaven or Hell then where-"
"We are Nowhere."
Raven growled.
"Yes, I know that but where is Nowhere? Is it somewhere in Nevermore? Like some new level that I hadn't unlocked until now?"
The girl cocked an eyebrow while Raven silently fumed, her cheeks burning.
'Azar, did I just make a video game comparison?! For the love of all that is holy I have GOT to stop hanging out with Beast Boy!'
"We are not in Nevermore, we are Nowhere."
Raven buried her face in her hands and screamed in frustration.
"OH. MY. GOD!"
She got to her feet huffing and paced away before she remembered that she had nowhere to go. Growling, she whirled around and stormed back to the girl, fists clenched at her side.
The girl remained in a floating lotus position the whole time, a lopsided smirk painted on her face. The smirk was almost familiar to Raven, like she saw it often, but in a different context. But at the moment figuring out the mystery of the girl was the least of her problems.
"Okay, I'm going to ask you this once and you're going to tell me the truth. For the last time, where are we?"
"We are Nowhere."
Raven opened her mouth to let the girl have it over cryptic answers, but the girl just held up her hand.
"We are not in the afterlife, we are not on Earth, we are not in Nevermore. We are not in any dimension, on any planet, or in any time or universe. We are Nowhere, in-between."
"In-between what?" Raven asked suspiciously.
"Life and death."
Raven blinked rapidly.
"Life...an-and..." Raven choked.
"Death." The girl replied calmly.
Raven half-fell, half-sat on the ground. She stared off into the distance, not looking at anything as she scrambled for words.
"Wha-how...why...?" She looked at the girl, fear and something close to desperation in her eyes. "What happened?"
The girl looked at Raven sympathetically, the smirk no longer dominating her blurry features.
"You died. The League of Assassins took too much from you. Drained too much of your core power. Combined with the tainted magic they used to do it and the restraining spells they used to keep you weak, it was more than your body could handle. But your friends," She smirked again, this time pride accompanying her amusement. "Your friends' man, apparently they have wills stronger than Death. Especially that green one." Something crossed her face, an emotion so fleeting that Raven couldn't place it.
"They refused to let you go, the green man most of all. They managed to get you back, but only partially. They managed to pull you back from the edge of the afterlife, but they didn't have enough pull to bring you back to full consciousness. But they still tried and in the process your spirit, your soul really, got stuck here. Too weak to re-merge with your body but too strong to enter the afterlife."
"And now?" Raven asked, concern clear in her demeanor.
"Now, you have a choice to make. Your friends can want you back all day long, but in the end, it's your decision. There's enough strength left in your soul to go back, but it's going to be hard. You are going to have to fight for it, which means you have to want it."
"And if I don't?" Raven whispered. Unbidden a single tear escaped from the corner of her eye and ran down her cheek. Distant thunder sounded as dark storm clouds suddenly formed on the horizon. A strong wind blew Raven's hair around her shoulders as it brought the storm clouds with it.
The girl, unphased by the coming weather, motioned toward the beckoning light.
"Then relax and let go. Walk into the light and leave all of it behind."
Raven looked at the shining light on one end of the meadow. More thunder drew her attention to the coming storm.
"Either way, you need to make a choice and soon. The Storm of Indecision is coming and once it starts raining this place will be destroyed and the choice will be taken from you. Your soul will remain here, trapped in a dark void, floating in nothing for eternity, neither dead nor alive."
Raven turned and glared at the girl.
"You're a real ray of sunshine, you know that?"
The girl shrugged nonchalantly.
"Who are you anyway? What are you doing here?" Raven demanded, glad to focus her energy on something other than the coming choice she had to make.
For the first time, the girl appeared serious. She lowered her legs from the lotus position to stand, but she continued to float, her feet hovering just above the ground. She stepped closer to Raven, studying her with serious purple eyes. Her features blurred more the closer she got to Raven.
"I'm here to help you make an informed decision."
"An informed decision?"
"Yes. There are many factors to consider when choosing whether to live or die and I am here to make sure that you consider them all before making your final decision."
"Factors like...?"
"The people you will leave behind if you die. The physical consequences and realities you will face if you don't."
Raven frowned.
"What do you mean by consequences?"
"Your body is injured. You suffered traumatic events. Your core energy was exponentially drained. You died. If you choose to live there will be physical consequences from your body's limitations being broken." The girl's serious gaze never wavered from Raven as she spoke.
"Okay, but what kind of consequences? Will I be crippled? Will my powers be gone? Will I have brain damage? What? And what about the people you mentioned? People I would be leaving behind. Who are they? Will they be okay without me?" Raven paced as she spoke, her hands on her hips.
She couldn't sit still while they discussed this, it was too stressful. She needed to move, to be active. She ran a hand through her hair and huffed. No, she didn't need to move. She needed answers. She needed to know what exactly would happen if she made either choice. She needed to know all of her options before she decided anything. Then she could move forward with a game plan.
"All of those are possibilities, yes, but there is no way of knowing if they will actually happen. As for the people- what are you doing?"
Raven had stopped mid-stride and sat down in her lotus position. Eyes closed and hands poised she steadied her breathing.
"I need answers. I need to know everything that could possibly happen and then make a plan. I'm going to Nevermore." Raven straightened her spine and relaxed her shoulders. "Azarath, Meterion, Zinthos..."
Raven breathed in deep, feeling the fresh clean air sweep through her nostrils and into her lungs. The sweet scent of apples and flowers lightly decorated the air. The rustle of the grass around them provided a calming background, and even the thunder provided a steady rhythm to nature's music. The feel of the wind brushing softly against her cheeks and weaving its fingers through her hair made Raven feel alive and refreshed.
It was a perfect place to meditate.
"That won't work." The girl's voice shattered the peaceful atmosphere. Raven turned and glared at her, but she shrugged. "You can't access Nevermore from here. If you choose to live you will see why, but for now, you will have to make do with just me."
"Okay fine," Raven got up and stomped up to the girl a finger pointed in accusation. "Then you tell me, what happens if I choose to die? Will my teammates be okay? Will they move on and get over it? Or will they fall apart? If I choose to live, will it be worth it? Will I be able to fight and keep putting criminals behind bars? Or will I be forced to resign due to my injuries, if I wake up at all? Or will I be a vegetable for the rest of my life? What. Will. Happen?"
"I don't know." She replied calmly.
"Why not?!" Raven screamed throwing her hands in the air. "You're here to help me make an informed decision! So, inform me! Do I live? Do I die? Do my friends? What happens to the League of Assassins? What happens to the team? Do they split up or stay together? Do Kori and Dick get married? Do they leave? Does their baby survive?" Raven choked on a sob. Hot tears stung her eyes and ran freely down her cheeks. She waited for something to explode, for dark energy to come flying out of her hands and attack the poor girl across from her. She waited for the tree to implode into splinters, for the birds to be encased in balls of black magic.
But nothing happened.
She realized with another hiccupping sob that she had no powers here. She could feel all the emotion she wanted to and there would be no danger to anyone or anything. She didn't have to worry about hurting someone else or destroying a whole building. For the first time in her life, she could finally express herself without any consequences. She could finally feel.
She was finally free.
She let it all out.
"Will Vic ever get to live a normal life? Will Gar fall in love? Will I be missed? Will I die anyway? Will I even be missed?" She fell to her knees, one hand clutched to her chest. She couldn't control the sobs. They rolled through her body causing her to shake and all she could do was cry and let it all out.
Every name she had ever been called. Every hit she had ever taken. Every cruel joke or prank that had been played on her. Every laugh that had been enjoyed at her expense. Every person who was close to her, everyone who she ever loved that was lost because of her. Every mistake she had made, every broken heart she had been forced to hide. Every buried emotion, every hate-filled thought, every raging tirade, every joy-filled smile, every pain-filled memory clawed out of her in sobs, forcing their way out through gut-wrenching sobs.
'Arms...I just want someone's arms...to hold me...to feel safe...and loved.'
She tried to contain it, tried to get her breathing and her tears under control. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop it. Her lips trembled uncontrollably, tears poured from her eyes soaking her cheeks. Her cheeks stung, her nose burned and her ears tingled. Through her gasps for air, she released wordless, heart-wrenching cries, letting it all out.
She felt jagged, raw. She felt as though her heart was exposed and vulnerable.
She felt weak.
Finally, the sobs subsided to weak whimpers. The tears began to slowly dry up and her breathing began to slow. She sat up, dazed, her eyes distant and empty, numb.
"If I go back will I ever be loved?" She whispered. Her voice was horse from her crying, but she continued, numbly looking at nothing.
"Or will I be forced to endure life where no one but creeps notice me? Will I always be feared?" Slowly her eyes began to refocus on the girl before her. With every word her voice rose with her body and she drew closer to the steady young girl.
"Will I always be hated for my heritage? A heritage that I can't control and never asked for? Will I always be shunned? Will anyone ever love me for me? Why can't you ANSWER ME?!" She screamed.
"Because I'm you." The girl said softly.
"What?" Raven took a step back, surprise and disbelief ruling her features.
"I'm you." The girl replied gently. There was pain in the girl's eyes but there was also compassion. "That's why I can't answer you because my knowledge is limited. I only know what you know. I'm only here to bring to light subconscious thoughts that you would never think of or remember on your own and to help you think some things through. I can't answer you because you don't know what will happen, so neither do I."
"You're my consciousness?" Raven looked her over again, disbelief ringing in her ears. The girl didn't look anything like what she pictured her consciousness' physical form to be.
The girl shook her head.
"No, you are your consciousness. I'm something else, another part of you." She paused, letting her words sink in.
"What part?" Raven asked suspiciously. She was not entirely sure that she wanted to know.
"Potential." The girl said distinctly.
Raven looked at her, confused as she sniffled and wiped away her tears.
"Hopes...dreams. Wants, maybes, "what ifs". That is what I am. A future of possibilities and potential. I represent the future and all of the things that you want or could have. I am made of your desires and the potential there is to have them. I am you in the form of what you want."
The girl stood with her arms held out, as though she were waiting for judgment to be passed. Raven studied her critically, unsure of how much to believe. There couldn't possibly be that many things that she wanted. So long as she had a good book, good tea, and a quiet place to meditate she was happy. She couldn't possibly want so many things that an entire persona emerged from her consciousness. Could she?
Raven gasped as it suddenly hit her.
The lopsided smile. The one that was so familiar. The blonde hair, the tan skin. The pointed ears.
The girl gave her a small smile as Raven covered her mouth with her hand.
"Children...?" Raven whispered shakily, her eyes wide.
"I guess so." The girl shrugged. "It is natural."
"I never thought...I didn't think...I never dreamed..." Raven stammered. She couldn't take her eyes off of the girl. Suddenly the young teenager was the most precious thing in the world. She studied her eyes, her hair, her ears, every little thing about her. She tried desperately to get the girl's features to come into focus but no matter how hard she tried, her face only became more distorted.
The girl cocked an eyebrow.
"Apparently you did." She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Raven reached up and gently brushed a loose strand of hair behind the girl's ear, fascinated by the strange combination of yellow-gold and deep purple.
"But not-"
"I became a possibility right after you admitted to yourself that you had feelings for him." She took Raven's hand and lowered it, bringing Raven's attention back to the girl's face. "Yes, you never consciously considered the possibility. You never even subconsciously wanted it with anyone else. Which is why I'm here. You need to fully understand everything that you would be giving up if you died."
Raven nodded in understanding, her focus still on memorizing every detail she could of the teenager.
"Come on," the girl began to tug Raven back toward the tree. "Like I said, there's a lot to cover before you're dead."
"What's your name?" Raven asked not caring about the stupid tree.
The girl paused and studied Raven for a moment before answering.
"I do not have one." She shrugged. "You can call me what you like, I am part of you after all."
Raven studied her and considered for a moment. She wanted to choose something meaningful and beautiful. Something that would be a perfect fit for the girl standing before her.
'Well, not standing...'
Raven looked up, an idea popping into her head.
"Do you always float?"
The girl looked down at her feet which hovered a few inches over the golden grass.
She shrugged. "I guess so. Why?"
Raven grinned. A real, ear-splitting, happy grin.
"Aliyah. I think I'll call you Aliyah."
Aliyah smiled back.
"I think I'd like that."