Chapter 13 : Identity loss

Akira had discovered during the last full moon that she wasn't a werewolf after all, even though she had thought during a moment that she had been bitten. Although it was a real relief for her – and even more for Arcturus who was celebrating this fact every day instead of working for the end-of-year exams like the other students – it made her realize that she no longer knew very well who she was.

She wasn't a werewolf for sure. However, could she still call herself a hero like she did for many years after regularly pouring out her anger on random people for Tatsuno and Matsuo's loss ? She no longer wanted to be a student at Hogwarts but at the same time, she had to stay there to gather information for Voldemort who promised to bring the twins back to life. She also wished to give up her ninja life which brought her lot of suffering but she still used her skills in that field to spy on Dumbledore and his followers.

So what was she ? A witch or a ninja, both of them or none of them ? Hard to say since she had lost her goal in life. It was quite depressing, especially when she got up in the morning only to realize that she didn't want anything, just for the day to pass to be able to go back to bed before starting an other one. She had no dream for the futur. With this state of mind, time flew by at full speed resulting in the approach of the end-of-year exams - that the Professors were now constantly reminding them about - as well as the last trip to Hogsmeade.

During the previous one, Akira hadn't met Rookwood as planned because she was too concerned about becoming a werewolf the same night as the trip. Not to mention that this eventuality made her stop sending clones in Dumbledore's office, which meant that she had no new information to give him. After this kind of betrayal, she was wondering what would be her punishment as Voldemort had advised her to never miss such meetings. She was in trouble, probably in very big ones because you don't disobey Voldemort without consequences. And indeed, she was scolded but not the way she thought.

It was during breakfast, few days after missing her meeting with Rookwood at Hogsmeade. And it was under the form of a piece of parchment brought by an owl during the morning mail. The letter was folded in half and just said "If you want to see both of them again, just do as you were said". These few words scribbled hastily and without signature didn't have much meaning, except for Akira who immediately got the allusion made about Matsuo and Tatsuno. And "do as you were said" was a reminder that she had to continue spying on Dumbledore.

"What's that ?" Arcturus asked her with interest as he was trying to retrieve a Filibuster firework that he had accidentally dropped into his pumpkin juice.

After learning that Akira wasn't infected with lycanthropy, he got in a festive mood resulting in him having his pockets full of these fireworks found at the bottom of his suitcase. And he was now playing with them all the time, even during meals. With his clumsiness, dropping one on the table was a thing that could happen, but having it land in his juice was pure bad luck.

"Nothing." Akira hurriedly replied before quickly setting fire to the parchment that she was holding between two fingers with a ninja technique.

Realizing her mistake, she immediately put an end to it but the letter still had a burnt corner and was smoking. This stunned Arcturus, making him stop looking for his firework in his glass to instead fix her hand in shock.

"How did you do that ?" He asked her while blinking as he couldn't believe his eyes.

Not wanting to find an answer to give him, Akira simply took out her wand and discreetly pulled it from under the table to point it at his pumpkin juice. From there, she managed to set off the firework with an Incendio. It emitted some sparks which puzzled Arcturus who took a closer look at it right before it exploded. It burst in his juice, spilling its contents everywhere and also sending some straight into his face.

"Raah, I have some in my eye." Arcturus complained while rubbing the one that got hurt.

"Then, stop spreading these fireworks everywhere around you. It's dangerous." Akira advised him.

"But it's fun. After your... misadventure at the full moon, I'm in the mood to celebrate whenever I can because we don't know when another disaster will strike."

"Like your glass spilled all over the table ?"

"Sort of. I'll take care of it." Arcturus replied before casting a cleaning spell on the table.

He then pointed his wand directly at his face to get rid of the juice that splashed him. Afraid that he might hurt himself with this spell which was more suitable to clean surfaces, Akira promptly threw herself on the table between them to catch his arm and draw it away right when the spell was about to hit him.

"Stop fooling around and take this." She told him while throwing him a napkin.

She was a bit jealous that Arcturus' mind was only occupied with having fun. Hers was rather filled with anxieties and uncertainties, and her future was far from being bright. It even took a darker turn one day, at the beginning of May when her clone - that she was sending again in Dumbledore's office after the short letter she received - sent a worrying information in her head.

At that time, Akira was putting away her potions material at the end of the class. She was almost done when she suddenly learnt that Moody had advised Dumbledore that their secret organisation known as the Order of the Phoenix wasn't a secret anymore for their enemies. He was suspecting someone from their group to not having been able to hold his tongue, or a spy working for Voldemort to be in their rank.

Suffice to say that Akira froze in place with horror upon hearing this news which risked to compromise her mission. But what else could she do than pursuing it if she wanted to see Matsuo and Tatsuno again ? She had to take that risk.

"Hey, Akira." Arcturus said to her while passing a hand in front of her eyes.

The latter blinked several times before realizing that everyone had already deserted the Potions classroom except her, Arcturus and Professor Slughorn who was collecting the potion vials that the students had left on his desk.

"Are you okay ? You've been looking in the void as if you had seen a ghost, even if there's none in the room." Arcturus added with concern while looking around.

"I'm fine." She replied more dryly than usual while finishing to put her potions material into her bag. "Why are you asking ?"

"It was just to be sure." The latter said defensively before starting to display a beaming smile. "Now that the classes are finally over for the day, can we go outside and enjoy the sun ? We've been cooped up in this gloomy castle for too long with this never-ending winter. I really need to go see the Grounds now that the beautiful days are here."

"Excellent initiative." Slughorn agreed as he seemed to be staying behind just to hear their private conversation. "In my case, I wouldn't mind leaving these Dungeons to get some fresh air. It also makes me think that I shouldn't forget to ask Dumbledore for an other office which is better located and lit by the sun rather than by candles with their weak flames. Being a Professor with many years of good and loyal services, I deserve to get better living conditions."

"Go outside if you want. I'll stay in the gloomy place to revise my lessons." Akira advised Arcturus while ignoring Slughorn which upset him.

"But, we've one complete month before the exams. If we don't relax now, I don't know when we will." Arcturus complained with his arms hanging as he was following her out of the classroom while Slughorn was muttering that he also had a lot to do.

"What about after the exams ? It's not as if we'll have anything else to do." She pointed out to him without the slightest joy at the idea of being in summer holidays after the traumatic one that she lived last year.

"It's in too long. If your full moon incident taught me anything, that's to have fun without postponing it !" Arcturus replied.

Akira was about to tell him to stop talking about her "full moon incident" as an excuse for everything when a figure came out from a dark hallway located in the Dungeons to rush towards them.

"You took your time ! I already saw everyone from your class leaving five minutes ago." Ana complained in a reproachful tone.

Normally, the latter shouldn't have been here. Not because she didn't have any course in that place at that time, but because she should have finished school last year, like Liz. But giving far too much importance to Quidditch compared to the rest, Ana had to repeat her Seventh year.

It would have been logical for her to lose her position as Captain of the Gryffindor team to concentrate on her studies and pass her year on the second try. But she had begged so much her parents, McGonagall and even Dumbledore – who had supported her choice against the advice of the others – that they had ended up letting her keep that position. And since Gryffindor hadn't won the Quidditch Cup last year, she really wanted to have it this time to not repeat her year for nothing. Even if that meant waiting in the cold Dungeons for two students that weren't even in the team.

"It's Akira's fault. She was daydreaming and..." Arcturus explained to her before interrupting himself when Ana unceremoniously shoved him aside.

The latter then stopped right in front of Akira who was wondering what she wanted from her. Indeed, the two hadn't really spoken this year because Akira had been too consumed by her problems to be interested in Quidditch. It was a shame because she was a really talented player, but Ana never asked her why she missed the selections as she had found someone else to replace her. It was therefore really astonishing to see her there, but not that much once she told Akira about the request that she had.

"You have to play the last match of our team." Ana ordered her out of the blue. "One of our Chasers got detention after accidentally transforming McGonagall's hat into a goldfish right on her head during Transfiguration. And his replacement got injured after trying to show off by catching a berserk Bludger with his bare hands in mid-flight. The fall was enough to make him never do that again."

"It's nice to be your third choice. Especially after having been in the team for two years." Akira commented while crossing her arms as her answer was already no.

"You would have been the first one if you hadn't missed the selections to beat all your opponents for that Chaser position. You left me with the difficult task of finding someone not too bad to replace you and it took me a lot of time on my studies. So you owe me that." Ana replied angrily.

"I don't owe you anything at all. You already have James on the team and you know very well that I hate him. Besides, he has such a big head that he already takes the place of three Chasers. So I don't see why you need me." Akira told her in the same tone.

"I didn't ask you a question. You come or you come to play this last match. And you'll go through some special training to get an acceptable level."

"Come on Akira." Arcturus intervened to relax the atmosphere which had become electric. "You always loved Quidditch and you were very good at it. It would be nice if you..."

"Don't you see that we're in the middle of a discussion ? So don't interrupt." Ana rebuffed him bluntly.

"But, I'm trying to defend your point. It would be great if Akira is again in the team." He clarified to the latter.

"Except that I don't want to. And no need to try to make me change my mind. It's already full with a lot of other concerns." Akira advised them as she didn't want to spend time training for one game because no one else was available. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put my bag in my dormitory."

She left without waiting but Ana wasn't the type of person to give up so easily, especially when the Quidditch Cup was involved. From now on, she would spend her free time using all kind of blackmail or threats to get Akira in her team. But the latter was stubborn and no matter what Ana was telling her, she just had to think that her mission for Voldemort was more crucial than anything else to decline her offer with no remorse. It was manageable but with Arcturus being more enthusiastic than ever with the nice weather, Akira really had to take it upon herself to stay calm with these two oddballs.

"Do you know how to re-inflate a ball ?" Arcturus suddenly asked her one Sunday morning when he arrived in the Common Room after having overslept.

Akira was there since a long time, sitting at a table while studying her History of Magic course for the exam. But without really seeing her notes as she was instead wondering if the clone that she had sent in Dumbledore's office would bring her the news that Moody finally knew who was the spy working for Voldemort, namely her. She noticed Arcturus' presence when the latter threw the flat ball on the parchment that she had been "studying" for the past half hour.

"Since it's sunny outside, I'm going to take advantage of having nothing to do to go play." He explained to her while pointing at the radiant sun which was illuminating the room with all its rays. "But in this state, my football won't go far away."

"If there's no hole in it, you can use a pump. Your Muggle Studies Professor probably has one." Akira replied mechanically.

"I was thinking about a spell since I broke the pump that I had, but it's a good idea to go ask him." Arcturus commented while starting to smile at the idea of soon having a ball like new. "Want to help me in this quest ? It will be really appreciated."

"Go see for yourself. I'm busy here." Akira replied as she was on edge.

In fact, she didn't want to move from her chair, not even for breakfast. Arcturus realized that he was bothering her so in order to not upset her even more, he decided to find what he needed on its own.

"Finally alone." She thought with relief as it rarely happened.

Akira immediately fell back into her thoughts as the Gryffindor Tower had completely emptied itself on this beautiful day. For her, it was a day like the others but it ended up taking an unexpected turn when one of the windows in the Common Room flew open, startling Akira in the process.

"Training with the team is over." Ana said out loud while coming into the room from her broom which was flying steadily at the window level. "Now, it's time to start the tough part with your training."

"What do you mean, "your training" ?" Akira asked her incredulously.

"Don't look so surprised. You haven't flown during the whole year and I can't decently let you take part in the match with a pitiful level." Ana told her while striding towards her.

"Except that I told you that I will NOT participate in the match." Akira corrected her dryly while emphasizing the negative that Ana seemed to have forgotten.

"Really ? That's not what I heard." The latter lied since "no" wasn't an answer she would accept when the Quidditch Cup was in play.

Then, Ana did as if Akira hadn't said a word and grabbed the latter by the arm. She forced Akira to get up and follow her even though the latter was in the middle of some revisions. At the time when she was still part of the Gryffindor team, Akira would have obeyed her Captain's order without a fuss in order to keep her position as a Chaser. But now that Quidditch was very secondary in her life, she no longer cared about making Ana upset.

"Find yourself another simpleton to yell at while James prances around with his dubious skills. I've enough of it." Akira replied while pulling her arm out of her grip.

"You forget that it was me who let you join the team when you really wanted to. I gave you your chance and now you owe me." Ana pointed out as she didn't like the tone that Akira was using with her.

"Owe you nothing at all since I was a decent player who did her part of the job the last two years. Now leave me alone." The latter added angrily while striding towards the Fat Lady painting.

"If I have to use force to make you train, I will." Ana threatened while taking her magic wand.

Akira had her back turned but her ninja sixth sense warned her of imminent danger. When Ana cast a restraining spell on her, she moved to the side to avoid it before disappearing at lightning speed to reappear behind Ana. The latter was looking around for her and Akira took the opportunity to deliver a blow to her neck which immediately made Ana fall inert on the ground.

"And if I have to use force to make you understand that I don't want to join the team, I will." Akira commented even though Ana couldn't hear anything in her state. "Now, let's hope you'll be fine for the match otherwise you'll need to find another Beater as well to take your place."

Akira wasn't feeling bad for what she did. But before anyone showed up to ask what happened, she slipped away, being more angry than ever at the others who were annoying her all the time. But also at herself for pushing them away until being all alone.

Hello dear readers,

It's almost the end of the school year. But in Akira's head, it's not about exams, nice weather and summer holidays. It's more like going through a gloomy November day, where everything is grey and not really enjoyable. It's understandable with the sensitive mission that she had to do for Voldemort which Dumbledore and his team might soon find out about. It's hard when people you've been close to discover a dark secret about yourself. After that, they don't look at you the same.

But Akira's betrayal hasn't been found out yet. She's having some respite, at least until the next chapter that I'll publish in the middle of the month to not make you wait too long. And I would like to thank you for reading and supporting my story. I don't say it often enough but I'm really grateful for the interest that you have for it. It helps a lot, as writing is made of up and downs like lot of things in life.