Star Trek: Strange New Worlds… "Spiff's Rift…"
Summary: Spaceman Spiff takes on the crew of the Enterprise…
Note: After a recent Calvin and Hobbes meme, I just had to…
Part I…
Earth…2000s…USA…
"Class…I am your new teacher. Ms. Singh." The stern-looking young woman in red and black dress with sensible flats writes "Ms. Singh" across chalkboard.
"Your last teacher, Ms. Wormwood, 'retired' at the end of the term." Slight eyeing of the various class members as she turns to face them.
"Yes…?" to raised hand, that of a young blonde-haired boy in striped T-shirt and jeans.
"Is Ms. Wormwood in that jar on your desk? Or did she get sent to the funny farm/rehab center/nursing home?" Investigative reporter Calvin Calvin grilling the source, a slender, slight young brunette dame who seemed to know more than she looked.
"You must be Calvin." Ms. Singh, grimly.
I could see the source was clamming up…Someone had got to her. I needed to get a little help, good with getting dames to spill, so I called in my old pal, Tracer…Tracer Bullet, PI.
…
Tracer Bullet's the name, detection is my game. Associates call me Bullet, friends and enemies call me Tracer, people I care about don't call me anything unless they have a job for me. My old pal Calvin Calvin famed reporter needed some dope on the 'disappearance' of one Ms. Erna Wormwood, schoolteacher by day…Alien commander of an invasion force by night. My guess? The dame who'd taken over from the old bag was the second wave, younger, more dangerous. But danger is my business and I had a job to do.
The dame struck first, right between the eyes, with a question…The sort of question I prefer not to answer without my ole friend, the one I keep in a holster.
"Calvin, can you tell me? Who was the first man to walk on the moon and when?" Ms. Singh, expectantly, standing in front of chalkboard with a series of history of space exploration events written on it.
She was trying to pump me on our space program. Clearly my first hunch was right. But I had to play along, for now. Ordinary measures…Put a few holes in her…Might not work here. I needed time to allow my help to arrive.
"Calvin? Do you know?"
"I know, Ms. Singh!" Susie Derkins,short brunette, in sweater and skirt, two desks down from Calvin waved frantic hand.
Derkins…It figured that one would spill. She was leakier with vital information than a sieve.
"Just a minute, Susan. Calvin? Do you have the answer?" Ms. Singh repeated.
Clearly the alien dame was into me…She wanted more than just info…She wanted…
"Calvin? I'm asking you a question."
"Sorry, ma'am. That's classified." Calvin noted calmly.
Uh-boy. Ms Singh sighed inwardly. Well, Erna warned me he'd start on the first day.
"Neil Armstrong, 1969!" Susie cried.
"Very good, Susie. Calvin? Next time you don't know an answer, say so, please?" Ms. Singh offered brief smile.
You may be able to butter up Derkins with a word, girlie…But Tracer Bullet is made of sterner stuff. Still, it paid to stay on her good side, for now, so I nodded. Curtly.
My ally would be here soon.
An ally who knew how to deal with alien commanders of invasion forces.
"You're such a goof, Calvin." Susie hissed from her desk.
"Susan? No talking in class." Ms. Singh, sternly.
"Yes, ma'am. Sorry." Susie, sheepishly. Dirty look toward Calvin.
Clearly the dame had no time for stool pigeons like Derkins.
…
A short time later as Derkins and co left, all oblivious as usual to the danger, the dame suggested we spend a little time together for a tete-a-tete. I agreed, though I'd've preferred a little conversation with a Scotch at my favorite bar and my revolver on the bar to keep the conversation friendly.
"Have a seat. Lets come to terms, Bullet." The dame eyed me. Clearly a commander who likes it short and sweet, like her on an evening off…
"Calvin, I'd like us to start off on the right foot. Ms. Wormwood's told me… Calvin?...Could you pay attention, please?" Ms. Singh sighed.
"Sure, I'm all about attention." I nodded.
"Right…Well, Ms. Wormwood told me you were a bright boy but very unfocused. I'd like to help you do better in class, Calvin."
So…Her predecessor Wormwood had given her the dope on me? A "bright boy", eh? What next? An offer to sell out my country? Humanity? Time to let her know Bullet was no Derkins.
But one has to be cautious at times. Especially with a new foe, when you aren't sure what they've got. I had to get away and make sure my ally was on the way. I came up with my usual brilliant ploy…
"May I go to the restroom, please?"
…