Aaron marched into the hospital with his patented Hotch Glare locked and loaded. He had to see Emily. He couldn't believe he took out her issues with him on their daughter. From what Lia had said, she'd never done that before. As he got closer to her room, he began to lose his nerve. He could hear J.J. talking in the room, but he couldn't make out what she was saying. As he entered the room, he made direct eye contact with Emily. Even though she hadn't eaten more than necessary to stay alive in a week, and she had bad bruises all over her body, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He hadn't seen her in almost twenty years. He realized in the past few days that that had been far too long. For a moment, he forgot why he had come back to the hospital in the first place. For a moment, he forgot why he left at all.
The team members tried to welcome Hotch and fill the awkward silence, but Hotch and Emily wouldn't break their intense eye contact. J.J. signals for the rest of the team to sneak out of the room with her. They want to give them some privacy.
"Hey, Emily. I'm glad to see that you're doing well." He wants to say something, anything, to break the awkward silence. She nods, still visibly in shock at his presence. Her eyes gloss over with tears as she gathers herself to reply.
"Hi. Lia told me you were a big help this week. Thank you. I'm glad you guys found me." It didn't take a profiler to know that she was trying to mask any feelings she had about the events that took place during the week.
"It's no problem. Do you mind if I sit?" At her shaking her head, he sits in the chair Lia had sat in an hour before. "I just need to say a few things. And don't worry, I'm not going to address the big things. It's been a long enough day without thinking about those things. I just want to make sure you're okay."
"Okay, that's fine." She braces herself for a lot of things she doesn't want to hear, even if she has the best of intentions.
"I just, Em I have to say I'm sorry. We don't have to get into the specifics tonight, but when I thought you were dead, or that you could be, I don't think I've ever been that scared. Well, maybe when my receptionist told me an Emilia Prentiss needed to speak with me and that it was urgent. But I do have to know, why did you hide your past from us? We didn't even know you were ever undercover. It took almost a week just to connect those dots." He can't seem to focus his thoughts on one line of questioning.
"When I got home from that mission, I vowed to myself to protect Declan at all costs. In retrospect, it was wasted effort, but I thought that talking about him would put him in danger somehow. Plus, I hate talking about that time in my life. I was deep undercover for years. An international security threat fell in love with me in the way that only international security threats can. He wanted me to carry his children. It was unpleasant." Relaxing into the conversation with Hotch, Emily stops staring at him like he'll disappear if she blinks.
"Do you think Doyle's dead?" He couldn't help but doubt.
"I don't think anything else could be a trigger for Declan. Nothing else could push him to hurt me like that."
"Prentiss, what did he do?" He's scared for the answer, but he needs to know for his own peace of mind.
"I don't think you need to know, Hotch. He kicked me around pretty good, but it's nothing I can't handle." She forces a smile and covers his hand with hers.
"Emily, I know we haven't seen each other in nearly twenty years, but I still know you. You don't have to lie, and you don't have to hide behind walls. You're strong. You've proved that an unreasonable amount of times over the years. You don't have to be strong right now." He knows her far too well, and it frustrates Emily. She was mad at him for something, right? Oh, yeah. He abandoned her. She had to change the subject.
"How's Haley?" He bristles at the mention of his ex wife, but that's to be expected. It's why she said it. It's a defense mechanism.
"I assume she's fine. We haven't spoken much since Jack went off to college in New York. We haven't had much reason to." He speaks with a slight edge to his voice. He knows exactly what she's trying to do. He doesn't understand where she got the notion he was still with Haley.
Confused, Emily brushes off the misunderstanding. She knew what she had seen almost ten years prior, but she knew a lot could change in that amount of time. She had avoided talking to any of her teammates about Hotch or his family. "Oh, I just assumed you were still together."
Caught off guard at her assumption, he decides to just accept that she knows about his brief reconciliation with his ex wife. "No, we tried, but I didn't want to make it work. I didn't want to settle." The unspoken implications of his confession brought tears to her eyes. She shyly broke eye contact and found sudden interest in the bed sheets.
Gathering his thoughts, Aaron remembers why he's there at all. "Why did you get mad at Lia for finding me? Did you want to keep her from me that bad? So badly that you would rather she let you die than come ask for my help?"
At that, Emily looks up. Years of resentment and anger radiated within her. "You think I wanted to keep you two apart? That I hoped that you'd break every promise you ever made me? You think I thought to myself that it would be easier to raise our daughter by myself? No, Hotch. I waited for you to come home. I spent every damn day hunting down Foyet. I found him, and I killed him. For the first six years of Lia's life, I brought you up every chance I got. I wanted her to know you when you came back to us. But that was all for nothing. I took time away from her to come tell you that Foyet was dead, but I saw that you had moved on. How could I ask you to abandon the family you reconciled with? You hadn't seen me in six years. During that time, you raised your son with your wife whom you loved. I couldn't ask you to leave them for my own selfish reasons." Saying all the words she'd wanted to say for a long time, Emily's reserve started to crumble. "You should go. I need to rest. It's been a long few days." She wanted nothing more than for him to walk out the door. For a moment, she let herself think they could actually make it work. Maybe twenty years didn't mean much. Then, he spoke, and she felt like a fool.
He wanted to say more, but he knew it wouldn't help. He stood to leave, but when he got to the door, he had to say one more thing. "Thank you, Prentiss. Lia's amazing. You did an amazing job raising her. I'm, um.. I'm sorry I wasn't there. For you. And for her." With one last painful glance at Emily, Hotch walked out of the hospital room, leaving Emily alone with her nightmares, regrets, and fears. He didn't know what to do. He didn't even know how he felt about Emily right now. He had moved on with Haley, so the romantic aspect wasn't much of a concern. He was over her. He had to be, especially now. She kept Lia from him for the first sixteen years of her life. She was practically an adult. Hotch had missed out on everything. He didn't know if he could forgive her for that. He knew one day they would have a discussion about what she saw the day she alluded to. She knew about his relationship with Haley, but why did she think that would keep him from running back to her? Because it did, Hotch thought with a scowl. He regretted throwing away his potential relationship with Emily, but at the time, he thought he could make it work with Haley. When that was over, he knew it was too late to go to Emily. She couldn't be his second choice. She never was, and he didn't want to make her feel like she was.
On the drive to his house, Hotch was lost in thought. He couldn't help but wonder about what could have been. The what-ifs were overwhelming. At some point, he had started crying for what he had thrown away. He never should've gone back to Haley. He knew it wasn't right because he was in love with Emily. If he had kept his promise, he could've been there for them.
Lia couldn't seem to think straight. In the past week, she had drank more coffee than she had in her entire life combined. She was exhausted, but she didn't think sleep would come anytime soon. She knew she shouldn't have gone to Hotch, but she didn't know where else to go. He was the only person that could help. She didn't care if her mother was mad. At least she was alive. Lia had to keep reminding herself of this as she made the drive back home to get some clothes. Morgan said she could take his SUV and he could pick it up from Hotch's house later. She packed enough clothes and supplies to stay with her father for three days, just in case. As she neared his house, she grew nervous. Yes, they had made a lot of progress, but she still wasn't very comfortable with him. Plus, she needed to understand why he didn't come home all those years before. She knew this was going to be a long night as she walked up to the door and knocked.