Content warning: references to PTSD, smut (including some voyeurism and choking). If I ever miss a warning, please let me know.

Avery couldn't stop herself from doing it. Every time she saw her brother Nash, she had a checklist her mind scanned through. Even if he had returned from his last tour unscathed, she needed to make sure he was okay. And even if she had seen him for a few days over the holidays, she just had to analyze him as they sat down for dinner at a diner near the base.

Every limb was present and accounted for, thankfully. He didn't look especially tired nor did he seem to be hiding behind his smile. Actually, for the first time in a while, there was something different about her brother.

"You look happy," Avery commented with a smirk, finally tearing her eyes from him to glance down at the menu.

Nash, who was sporting a fresh haircut and civilian clothes for once, barked out a laugh. "You say that like it's the most surprising thing in the world."

"Well, forgive me for feeling confused by your bright eyes and soft demeanour," she said, raising a shoulder to shrug. "Is your secret girlfriend the one I should thank for this new Nash?"

This time Nash scoffed, though Avery couldn't deny seeing her brother's cheeks flush pink. Despite his default stoic, tough guy, 'I'm an Army Seargent' attitude, she could tell when her brother was having a softer moment.

"She's not a secret," he defended, smiling as a waitress came by to take their order. With fresh cups of coffee and meals on the way, Avery continued to prod.

"You won't bring her to any events or even tell us her name. That seems like a secret to me."

"Name one of my girlfriends I've ever let you meet, Avery Ray."

Avery pouted. He had a point. While she had known her brother had a bit of a playboy streak in high school, any girl he took seriously he often kept at bay from the other parts of his life. Maybe he was worried about it being too real. Maybe he knew Avery and her sister would ask way too many questions. Maybe he knew how delicate it was to balance a relationship when you were a soldier who put his life on the line without question.

The thing was, Avery wasn't joking when she said Nash looked happy. It had been a very long time since she had seen him effortlessly, genuinely positive about something like this. When she thought back to how broken hearted she was when they lost Jeremy, she couldn't even fathom how that loss affected Nash. Losing his twin brother must have felt like losing a limb. Then there was the snap and Avery disappeared and then their mother died and, well, life had a way of trying to balance the scales, she supposed. It was about time Nash had a silver lining. Something to live for outside of his Army life.

"You could have invited the boys," Nash continued on, taking a sip from his coffee mug. "Oh, this is for you. Secret Girlfriend helped me pick out the card." He pulled a pink envelope from his coat pocket.

Avery smirked, happily taking the gift from his hands. "Steve is at the VA tonight and Bucky's schedule has been crazy prepping for some upcoming stuff. Something about a training program? They aren't allowed to tell me the details. But they both say hi."

Nash humoured her and let her ramble about her thesis project and classes. Despite her rambling and his attentive listening, it was clear he was biting back something else. When their food arrived and Avery finally took a breath, she chewed on her lip and watched him closely.

"What?" Nash didn't seem to care about his mouthful of fries as he looked at his sister.

Avery leaned back into the booth, tapping her finger against the plate ahead of her. "I feel like you're holding something back. Your eye is doing that thing."

Nash scoffed, tilting his head as a smirk grew on his face. "What thing?"

"It like.." Avery paused and blinked her left eye a few times. "..goes off course when you're lying or withholding."

"I'm not withholding or lying." Nash sighed. "Fine. I talked to Lora the other day and -

"Nope. Forget I said anything." Avery shook her head, taking a very determined bite of her sandwich as she did. Was there such a thing as angry chewing? She wasn't sure but she was heading in that direction. "You know the rules, Nash."

"The rules? C'mon, Avery. We're not kids anymore."

"You're not supposed to take sides! If me and Lora want to fight about something, we're allowed."

"Avery. This isn't about her stealing your ugly shirts or -

"Nash." Avery let out a groan and raised her hand, trying to stop him. "Did she even tell you we're fighting about?" She recognized her brother's annoyed face and that made her even more frustrated. He started this mess - there was no way he really wanted to open this can of worms.

After another sigh and silence from Nash, Avery continued. "What's going on, Nash?"

There was a brief moment where something flashed through her brother's eyes, gone in a blink, and it made something lurch in Avery's chest. She couldn't quite pinpoint what it was - anguish or doubt or something. But it was unfamiliar and despite the façade her brother displayed most of the time, seeing him like this was jarring.

With his eyes focused down on his plate, Nash chewed on his lower lip for an extra moment before his mouth opened to reply. "I've just been thinking about Jeremy a lot lately. And you and Lo.. And I think it's important for us to stick together, you know?"

Avery stayed quiet, staring straight ahead while Nash avoided her gaze. While there was still a simmering anger within her when she thought about her last interaction with her sister, hearing her brother admit to these thoughts and feelings seemed to dial down the heat. In fact, the entire fire was doused and instead she could feel tears welling in her eyes.

It had been a long time since Avery had talked about Jeremy with anyone, let alone with Nash. In fact, most of the time, the topic of their late brother was something they all avoided. When someone said his name, it felt far away. But, now, hearing Nash bring him up, it was like it had just happened yesterday. Why was there a sudden raw emptiness in her chest?

Avery took a deep breath and reached her hand across the table, knocking her knuckles against her brother's to grab his attention. "Do you remember that weekend when mom and dad left you and Jer in charge? I think they were going to some event in Arlington. Not sure why they thought two 17 year olds should be responsible for their little sisters? Seven year old Lora was a handful enough."

Nash laughed quietly, still staring at his plate. "Yeah, like little angsty preteen Avery was any better."

"Come on, I was on a journey of self discovery -

"You mean a journey of black nailpolish and skinny jeans and -

"Okay, okay. Whatever. Do you know what I remember about that weekend? That even though me and Lora probably fought over something or everything and you and Jeremy definitely didn't want to be saddled home with us all weekend - we still ended the night watching a movie together. And when Lora cried because she missed mom, we crowded into her bed to read her another chapter of Harry Potter together."

Nash looked up finally. There was a smile on his face, at least. "Jeremy really mastered his British accent during that era."

"His Snape voice was definitely memorable." Avery sighed. "Nash, I don't want you to think you have to fix what's going on between me and Lora. It's been a long time coming and maybe we'll get back to normal someday but you can't do anything to help, trust me."

"Okay. I'll try to stay out of it."

"But I do appreciate you doing the big brother thing." Avery smirked playfully, reaching to steal a french fry from his plate. "I'm telling you, I think we owe a lot to your girlfriend for this new Nash. What's her name again?"

Nash rolled his eyes, slapping her hand away. "Nice try."

Well, Dr. Raynor had been just as unpleasant as Bucky remembered. Okay, well, maybe unpleasant wasn't the most appropriate or fair way to describe her. She was definitely still very committed to pressing buttons. Even after just one session, which she insisted was just an opportunity to get reacquainted, he was feeling a bit emotionally burnt out.

But, at the same time, he was feeling determined, too. Maybe that's why he disliked Raynor so much - she was just very good at reading him.

Thanks to the early afternoon appointment, he got home to Brooklyn much earlier than he normally would. Sam told him he didn't need to return to the compound just to hit rush hour traffic after work and Bucky was happy to comply. The cool January air nipped at him as he climbed the steps to the front door. He couldn't remember what they had planned for dinner and wondered when Steve would be home and couldn't remember if Avery had her lab hours late. All those thoughts drifted away when he saw Avery's coat hanging up and her boots discarded at the door.

Something felt off though. Usually Rocky's excited feet greeted him but the pup was absent. Bucky shrugged off his own coat and closed his eyes, trying to focus on whatever he could hear.

A very faint whimpering was coming from upstairs.

Bucky called out as he climbed the stairs. "Avery?" It wouldn't be out of the ordinary to find her napping after a long day. In fact, the idea of finding her wrapped up in a blanket felt like a balm to Bucky's leftover irritated therapy feelings. Maybe he could join her in bed, or even just sit beside her and hold her and -

He didn't find Avery in bed though. What he did find upstairs was Rocky laying on the floor outside of the closed closet door. He perked his head up when Bucky approached then dropped it back down again as he pawed at the door.

Bucky's eyebrows drew into a concerned frown as he knelt to scratch Rocky behind the ears. Then he knocked at the door. "Ave?"

The walk-in closet was fairly substantial - it could easily fit clothes belonging to all three of them plus a bit of room to spare. Bucky and Steve even both kept extra tactical gear hidden away in the closet, just in case. It's door was at the edge of the bedroom and while it was never a place Bucky would voluntarily spend time unless he was discarding clothes or changing, he could quickly piece together why Avery was in there.

With the light switched off, it was very dark and very quiet. Her seeking out that sort of hideaway did make Bucky concerned, though. He pushed the door open and as predicted, he found her sitting against the cabinet in the corner. In the sliver of light, he could see that she was hugging her knees to her chest. She was taking slow, long breaths.

"Avery, baby, what's wrong? What happened?" Bucky approached slowly, dropping to his knees after he sealed the door shot. "Hey, hey. Talk to me." He tentatively reached his hand out to find hers as she clutched her knees. Her hand instinctively grasped his, squeezing tightly. "Avery, please say something." His voice, though soft, had a level, stern tone. "Are you hurt?"

He assumed she wasn't, at least not physically. But he had to be sure.

"No, no. I'm.." It sounded like she was choosing her words carefully. "I'm not hurt."

"Okay." Bucky, still holding onto her hand, shifted to match her position. "What's going on?"

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. A sniffle followed. "It's so stupid, I just.." A quiet groan left her as she tried to bury her head down into her chest. "I've been doing really well with keeping my anxiety at bay then today.. I saw.." Another pause to shake her head. "I tried to call Steve but voicemail.. class today.. So, when I got home the closet seemed like the best hideout. Dark, quiet."

Bucky hummed along. There were definitely some holes in this story but he knew to be patient. It had been a long, long time since he had seen Avery so shaken. Panic attacks were a lot less common for her but not out of the question. And well, he wasn't even sure it was a fair position for him to analyze. Maybe during his time away, things had gotten worse. Or because of his time away, things were worse? It certainly didn't help but.. Focus, Barnes. Avery. Focus. Stay on task.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and squeezed her hand. "You said you saw someone? Who?"

She pulled her hand free from his and pressed her palms against her closed eyes. "Harry Osborn."

It took more than a few seconds for Bucky to realize he was suddenly holding his breath, stiff with residual anger at just the mention of Harry Osborn. A slimy snake of a person who had caused more than enough distress in their relationship. Distress was not grave enough - he had endangered Avery's life and caused a ricochet of after effects that had clearly not gone away, given how she was holed up in the dark.

It was only when Avery continued that he felt his lungs start to work again.

"I was leaving the lab on campus and I turned a corner and there he was, walking out of a classroom and shaking hands with some woman. I tried to turn and get the fuck out of there but I ended up crashing into another student and all our stuff was thrown across the hall and that woman and Osborn hurried to help us pick everything up." She stopped to take a breath. "Then he looked at me, like right at me. With his stupid crooked smirk and - and -

"Hey, hey, Avery. It's okay. You're okay. You're safe. I'm right here."

"He put his hand on my shoulder and, honestly, I don't even know what he said because I immediately yelled for him to get away from me and then I just ran." She let out a long breath. "Which, in retrospect, is actually very rude and-

"No. That piece of shit even looking at you is not okay and you had every right to remove yourself from the situation. Christ, they lessened his goddamn sentence and not even a year later the guy is crawling his way back into society."

Harry Osborn's original sentencing had been a joke but now, knowing that he was back to living his comfortable life in Manhattan, Bucky was livid he didn't kill the guy when he had the chance. Picturing him even smiling at Avery, let alone touching her, stoked the angry fire inside.

"I'm sorry, Avery." Truthfully, he couldn't pinpoint exactly what he was apologizing for. Bucky still struggled with leftover guilt from how that entire investigation went down. If those flashes of Avery strapped to a chair could rattle him so easily, it clearly left even more of an aftershock for her.

Bucky extended his arm over her, gently rubbing her back as she returned to doing some focused breathing. "You're allowed to react this way. I know you're beating yourself up about it but you're only human." Avery didn't reply but Bucky did notice that her breathing had calmed down. "You said you tried to call Steve but.." Bucky took a deep breath. "You could have called me too, Ave."

Avery stilled under his arm. "I know. I just.." She turned her head as if to look at him, though there wasn't much to see in the darkness. "I don't know, Bucky. Something stopped me and I guess, if I had to narrow in on what that something is.. We're both already trying to work through this and the last thing I want to do is make you feel worse because I'm upset about something. And you're wrestling with all this guilt about what happened a few months ago and then the thought of mentioning stupid Harry Osborn and reminding you about that mess, which I know you and Steve both still feel guilty about - it's like layers and layers and layers of.."

"Ave, that's -

"Ridiculous? I know. Just saying it out loud right now.." She groaned. "I'm sorry."

"No, you don't have to apologize. That's not.. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know." Bucky sighed.

"I'm going to say this echoing thought too, since we're in the middle of our closet confessional." She paused to breathe once more, then hugged her knees even closer to her chest. "Here is my absolute crazy worst case scenario and please don't be mad. My brain went 'if you call him, he might get upset and leave again' - and I know that wouldn't happen yet.."

Bucky's hand stilled on her back. His chest tightened then seemed to collapse into itself as he absorbed her words. Maybe he had been unintentionally ignorant in thinking they were past the worst of it, but Avery's severed trust in him was suddenly staring at him in the dark.

He had told himself that the reason why she was relying on Steve so heavily was because, well, Steve was the only one there after The Incident - so it was familiar, it's what they were used to. But, when he flipped that thought, reality hit him. It's because Steve was the only one there.

Steve didn't leave her. Bucky did.

Steve didn't hurt her. Bucky did.

Bucky tried to contain himself but as he swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes became glossy and he choked back the urge to cry.

Avery's voice was so small, he barely heard her speak again. "I'm sorry. I understand if you're mad -

"Avery baby, I'm not mad." He spoke quickly, pushing himself to stand up and take a breath. "Not at you, at least. Just at myself."

"Buck.."

He started pacing in the dark, muttering to himself. God, he was just so lucky his two life partners had welcomed him back into their lives after he caused so much hurt. But the fact that Avery was still so quietly suffering, and not telling him about it to spare his feelings, was like a punch in the gut.

Avery couldn't see where he was going but his pacing was evident. "Don't forget the chair is in the corner now and -

"Fuck."

Avery couldn't help but laugh. "Steve stubbed his toe there the other morning, too."

Bucky let out a few more expletives, only to cut himself off when he felt Avery wrapping her arms around him. He shifted and enveloped her into a tight embrace.

"You can always call me, okay? And I know my words only mean so much but I promise I'm not going to leave again." He understood where Avery's fears were coming from but goddamnit he needed to try harder.

"I'm sorry for -

"No, Ave. Please. No more apologizing for having feelings." It crushed him to see her like this considering how far they had come over the course of their relationship. He thought they were beyond this closed off wall she built. The only silver lining was that they weren't too far gone. Or so he hoped.

"Bucky, I'm apologizing because I know I hurt you - immediately calling Steve, but not reaching out to you. I'm relying so heavily on him because I'm scared. I can still feel remorse for hurting you.."

He pressed a kiss onto the crown of her head. "Ave, we're a bit of a wreck right now."

She huffed a laugh, showing her agreement but nuzzling her head against his chest. "But at least we're talking about it?"

Bucky hummed, tightening his hold on her. "Just.. call me anytime you need me."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay." Avery sighed and pulled back slightly. She tipped her head up to look towards him, though it was hard to see anything in the dark. "I love you, Buck. That never changed or faltered or.. I love you."

"I love you too, Ave."

They stayed there, embraced in the dark for a few more minutes. It was safe. Even though outside the door, they had the rest of their happy life and home, it was also a direct link to the real world. Where things that affected their relationship lived and existed without anyone's control. In the darkness, Avery's ear pressed to Bucky's chest as she counted his heartbeats, there was a sense of security. A safety net. Warmth. Home.

But the real world wasn't going to wait.

Avery's phone started to buzz and she scrambled to grab it from her pocket. Steve 'Loves America' Rogers on the line.

"Hey Steve," Avery answered and put the call on speaker, holding it in one hand while the other stayed snaked around Bucky's waist.

"Hey I saw your missed call and no follow up text, are you alright?"

She sighed. "I am, yes. Had a bit of a panic attack but Bucky's here with me now. We're just crying together in the closet."

There was a pause before Steve answered. "Closet?"

A low laugh escaped Bucky. "It's the best place to cry in the house, didn'tya know."

"Are you sure you're both okay?" They could hear a lot of shuffling in the background and the fading sound of doors closing.

Avery just laughed along with Bucky, picturing a very confused Steve pulling on his jacket and trying to hurry home. "Yes, we're okay."

"Good. Now, what were we going to do for dinner?"

Avery let out a long breath and shrugged. "I think it was that pasta dish with the sundried tomatoes and -

"Right. So, I'm going to just stop and grab our regular from Thai Kitchen instead. Feels like maybe we don't have the energy to cook tonight."

Bucky grinned and squeezed Avery close to him again. "Perfect. You can deliver it right to me and Ave - we'll be curled up on the couch by the time you get home. Thanks Stevie."

Bucky was trying. He really was. Some nights, he followed them upstairs to the bedroom and, though he had some apprehension, he would crawl into bed with them. The first night, he stayed close to the side of the bed close to the door. Once he heard Avery and Steve sleeping, he carefully crawled out from the blankets and overlapping limbs and headed back down to the spare bedroom.

This happened a few times.

He had a hard time letting himself fall asleep in that room.

Avery was trying, too. She was grateful every time Bucky stayed once the lights were out and though she missed him in the morning, she was understanding. The morning of her birthday wasn't even an exception, unfortunately.

Though she was always happy to wake up in Steve's arms.

She had stayed up way later than she meant to the night before, neck deep in thesis inspiration. Most of her evening had been spent crouched over her laptop in the office, picking at a bowl of pretzels and M & Ms as she typed. Both Bucky and Steve had tried to peel her away from the screen but with no success. They settled on watching a movie without her while she worked away. When the movie was done, well past midnight, they found her asleep at her keyboard.

So, that Saturday morning of her birthday was going to be a slow start. She had no requests for the day really, aside from going out for dinner with her boys. Bucky had suggested venturing up to Williamsburg to check out some vintage shops and little boutiques he knew Avery liked. That didn't sound like a bad idea at all.

Waking up to Steve pressing kisses along her shoulder was not bad at all either.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart." His morning voice was raspy and sensual and Avery felt like she was melting. He captured her lips as she turned her head towards him. With one hand he propped his head up, leaning on one elbow as he looked over at her. "Buck's on breakfast duty."

"Mmmm." She smiled as Steve trailed his lips along her jaw, holding back any giggles as his beard tickled her exposed skin. "I guess we should go downstairs then."

"No rush," he murmured out, pushing away the blanket that covered them. Avery sighed happily as his hand moved underneath the shirt she was wearing. "We have plenty of time."

They made it downstairs soon enough, after Steve made sure Avery was very awake and very, very satisfied by ways of his hands. When Avery rounded the bottom staircase and headed towards the kitchen, she could see Bucky on his knees in front of the stove. Rocky was sitting patiently ahead of him, nudging his head around as Bucky tried to fix a paper birthday hat on the dog's head.

"C'mon buddy, you're ruining the whole theme," Bucky grumbled out, though he had a grin on his face. Avery felt like she was melting all over again. When Bucky heard their footsteps nearing, he turned his head and God, the smile he displayed was enough to make her heart skip a beat. "Too late, I guess." He grabbed the little hat before Rocky chewed it out of his hands, standing and opening his arms to welcome Avery into a hug. "Happy birthday, doll."

The kitchen was one of Avery's favourite places in the house. It was bright, white and open - with bottom oak cabinets, big marble counters and windows streaming in sunlight from the backyard. Across the far cabinets, a re-used store bought birthday banner was haphazardly hung on display. The stovetop was full of a big breakfast spread - eggs, hash browns, bacon, pancakes and more.

She took a seat at the table, where there was a scattering of coloured confetti underneath a large bouquet of fresh white hydrangeas and red roses. A cup of coffee appeared in front of her before Bucky moved all the prepared food over to the table. It was just so nice to spend time together, no screens or work or school assignments in the way.

When their plates were finally empty, Bucky slid a small gift box across the table towards her. Avery clapped her hands excitedly, grinning at them both as they watched her. "I hate people watching me open gifts but.. I love gifts, sooo." She tore open the packaging, revealing a small black box. When she lifted the hinged lid, inside sitting on a plush pillow was a beautiful obsidian black cuff bracelet.

Avery lifted it out and turned it over in her hand. Inside the narrow band was a webbing of golden details, slightly reminiscent of the designs that lined Bucky's arm. "This is beautiful."

"If you press your hand along that small square inside," Bucky said as he leaned across the table. She followed his instructions and the cuff opened slightly, enough to let her secure it onto her wrist. "This is a special piece I had Shuri design for you. It's one part, uh, accessory, I guess. But it also has all those cool fitness features and will track your biometrics, if you want."

"So, is this another special tracking device then?" Avery snickered, running her fingers along the bracelet as it rested on her wrist.

"No, no, I promise. Well, it is made of vibranium and technically Bruce knows how to track that but.." Bucky shook his head and let out a breath as he caught Avery's laugh. "It's also one part.. something else."

Avery raised an eyebrow, glancing from Bucky to Steve then to her wrist. "Okay.."

Bucky was smirking again and he asked her to stand up. "First things first, maybe stretch your fingers out a bit." Avery followed his lead and did just that, extending her fingers out a few times like he was doing. "Now, I want you to knock your wrists together, like this. Twice." He stretched his arms out ahead of himself and crossed one wrist over the other.

Avery did as he said and when she tapped them twice, the metal cuff seemed to take on a life of its own. It whirred quietly, expanding at a small joined seam on the outside and expanding as the material came to life. She'd heard of this before, thoroughly, from Bruce. Or something very similar to it that Stark Technologies had patented - nanotechnology. What was once one heavy cuff on her left wrist was suddenly duplicated on her other wrist.

"Okay, so two beautiful bracelets?" Avery was stunned as she looked up at Bucky. Steve was watching with a curious look painted on his face.

"Do it one more time." Bucky mimed knocking his wrists together.

This time, when the metal clinked together on her wrists, each piece seemed to grow. The vibranium crawled from her wrists and quickly covered her hands in what looked like a set of sleek gloves. With wide eyes she turned her hands over and stared at the metal fixed to her.

"Woah." Avery flexed her hands into fists, watching the gold accents glimmer in the late morning sunlight that streamed into the space. "This is so cool." She was certainly grateful for the one of a kind gift, especially considering it was very advanced Wakandan technology that Bucky had designed for her. Although, she didn't really understand the purpose. She looked towards him to help fill in the blanks.

"Those are reinforced - there is a special shock absorbing system weaved into it that can help if you ever need to… really fight someone off." Bucky nodded, crossing his arms. "Having increased strength is one thing but if you break your hand in the middle of a fight, you'll be outta luck."

Avery chewed on her lip for a second as she looked at Bucky. Part of her wondered if this was about her inability to fight him back the night of The Incident. They never really talked about it and maybe they didn't need to yet, maybe they never would. But she also knew that wasn't the first time she had been in danger before and given the type of people that had a history with Bucky and Steve, there was no guarantee she'd be free from harm in the future, either. She liked the idea of having some extra protection, a built in safeguard she could keep on her person.

Steve, who had been quietly sitting and watching her throw a few shadow punches with the gloves on, shifted in his chair and finally spoke. "You know, when you said you brought something back from Wakanda for Avery, I thought maybe it was another piece of jewelry, no ulterior motive."

"I mean, technically, it is sleek enough to work as a beautiful, uh, cuff bracelet," Bucky replied with a shrug.

Avery paused and looked between them both. She wasn't really sure if Steve was unimpressed or worried or what. "I love it, Buck." She crossed her wrists and knocked them together a few more times, watching with a wide grin as the vibranium recoiled back into the single bracelet on her wrist. "Now I don't need to invest in a new Apple Watch and I can take down bad guys if necessary. It's a win win."

Steve couldn't hold back his frown that time. "That should be a precautionary thing only."

"Right, it's not like I'm going to start looking to start fights with bullies or anything." She walked towards the end of the table and wrapped her arms around Steve's shoulders. "That is reserved for Steve Rogers only."

"Ha ha," Steve said dryly, shifting in his seat to pull her onto his lap. "I'm all for you being able to defend yourself, don't get me wrong. I like that you'll be well equipped. I'd just rather there not be any risk of danger at all."

"I think that's what we'd all prefer," Bucky agreed as he sat in the seat closest to them, placing his hand on Avery's knee. His thumb moved gently across her skin. "But I'll take any precaution in the meantime."

Avery smiled, grabbing for Bucky's hand. "Thanks Buck. Really, even as a fitness tracker thing, I appreciate the gift. The cool gloves are just an added bonus - to be used only in a crisis." She added that last part mostly for Steve's peace of mind. "Although, I could probably help punch through some of the drywall at the apartment complex now, if you want assistance."

Steve just rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Another gift bag revealed a beautiful leather bound notebook from Steve, monogrammed with her initials. Her current plant journal was falling apart and he thought she could use a nice upgrade. The bag was also chalk full of her favourite treats from Dylan's Candy Bar. Hey, Avery was a simple gal. All she really needed to feel happy was quality time with the two people she loved but the candy was definitely a nice added bonus.

Their afternoon was perfectly light and lovely. They bundled up and ventured out to Williamsburg, traipsing through a series of vintage shops. Avery juggled a tray of coffees, a few paper shopping bags and her phone - taking photos and laughing wildly as Steve and Bucky tried to fit a new armchair into the back of the Jeep in the middle of a terribly busy street.

When they got home, Avery took a long afternoon soak in the tub while the boys worked on rearranging the furniture and doing something in the apartment downstairs. Then they all primped for date night out. Avery slipped into a dress she had picked up earlier (Steve insisted on paying for it) - it was a dark green slip dress and admittedly, probably not weather appropriate. But with a pair of heeled boots and a leather blazer, she decided to wear it anyway.

Because it was her birthday and she was going to really enjoy her evening.

Avery wasn't sure if it was the single glass of champagne or Bucky's tight fitting suit jacket or Steve's recent haircut that had her feeling so good but by the time they got home from her birthday dinner date, she only had one thing on her mind.

As she climbed upstairs, she paused to look back at the front door as Steve and Bucky took off their coats. "Someone needs to help me out of these clothes." Her tongue slicked over her lips before she bent forward slightly, reaching up under her skirt to tug down her underwear and step out of them, letting the black lace dangle off her fingers as she stood again. "Look, I'm already getting started."

Bucky swallowed hard then sucked in a hard breath, breaking his stare with Avery to look at Steve. It always felt like Avery had some sort of superpower when she could strike both Steve and Bucky still and speechless for even a moment or two.

She knew she was testing her luck. Bucky had come so far since New Years and showing affection but it had still only been a few weeks. He still might not be ready for this but that wasn't going to stop her from teasing. Instead of waiting for a response from either of them, she continued making her way up stairs, kicking off her heels on the second floor landing. By the time she was outside the bedroom, she finally heard footsteps coming up the stairs behind her.

Two sets of footsteps.

Avery spun on the spot, finding them both crossing into the bedroom. Bucky leaned over, ducking his head near Steve's and whispering something against his neck. A throaty laugh came from Steve as he blushed, pressing a quick kiss to Bucky's cheek as he pulled away. Bucky gave Avery a playful smirk as he crossed in front of her before dropping onto the armchair in the corner, leaning back to prop his hands behind his head.

Steve, on the other hand, stalked towards Avery. "Sweetheart." She snapped her head and met his eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat. How Steve could capture so much emotion in one whisper of a pet name was unbelievable but suddenly all of Avery's excitement seemed to flood through her once more, building up like a fire in the pit of her stomach.

There was always a balance in the bedroom when all three of them were involved. It wasn't uncommon for one person to take the lead - in fact, Avery preferred it that way. She liked the instruction and especially enjoyed the praise that usually came along with it. The energy ebbed and flowed between Bucky and Steve, depending on who initiated or if someone needed to feel like the one in control.

There was something inherently natural when Steve was in command though - his voice firm and certain. He was less animalistic than Bucky but that didn't mean he lacked ferocity. Although, they were both especially good at taking cues. Avery supposed that came from their inane ability for reading people over the years. There were times when the intention was much milder, closer, quiet. And other times, it was wild and raw.

Avery's heart pounded as Steve slowly, cautiously ran his fingertips across her exposed shoulders. "Buck wants to watch. Is that okay?"

Avery chewed on her lip, swallowing back a giddy grin. "Mm hmm."

"So, birthday girl. What do you want? Fast or slow? Soft or-" Steve circled her and pressed his lips against her shoulder blades, shifting to position them in Bucky's eyeline. "-hard?"

Avery closed her eyes and leaned back into Steve, shuddering as his hands trailed down her arms. "Slow, hard. Please."

"Mmm. You get to have anything you want, sweetheart."

With steady hands, Steve unzipped the back of Avery's dress. It fell to the floor, pooling near her feet. She was left in just a lace black bra, a matching set to her discarded underwear. Although Steve was not going to ignore her requested pace, he wasted little time. His lips locked to her neck while his hands roamed - gently along the side of her chest and stomach, fingers barely grazing down to her thighs.

Her breath hitched when his hands came back up, pawing at her breasts, still trapped in lace.

"Steve." Avery whined, leaning back into him. "Touch me."

"You said slow -

"Steeeeve."

A low chuckle left his lips and he complied, making quick work of removing her bra and tossing it to the side. His hands skated across every inch of her skin - a beautiful contrast of strong and calloused fingers against soft, soft, soft.

Across from them, Bucky got comfortable in his seat. There was an unexplained thrill that came alongside what was occurring ahead of him. Like it was almost edging on being something against the rules: watching the unraveling intimacy of his partners. But listening to Avery's growing reactions and Steve's heady voice, making eye contact with each of them made every concerned thought disappear. Of course this wasn't the first time he opted to watch but it had been a long time since anything like this had happened.

He wanted to pace himself. But when he watched Steve's hands trail down slowly, slowly, slowly towards the space between Avery's legs, Bucky couldn't help but reach to remove his belt and shuffle out of his jeans.

Raised up on the balls of her feet, Avery pressed her back onto Steve's chest. She clutched his wrist as he moved against that sweet spot, torturously slow.

"C'mon, sweetheart." Steve's voice was raspy against her neck. "What did we do last year on your birthday? Four? We can match that."

"Yes.. yes!" Avery writhed against him, legs buckling as the pace of his fingers picked up. As his right hand worked diligently, his left arm wrapped around her shoulders and chest, using his bicep to hold her in place and apply just enough pressure to choke her.

"Fuck."

Bucky swallowed hard again and again, trying to contain himself as he watched Avery come at Steve's touch. Bucky chewed on his lip, breath heavy. It didn't take long for Steve to shed most of his clothes and position himself on the bed.

Laid flat on his back, head pointing towards Bucky, Steve encouraged Avery to join him. But when she reached to pull down his boxers, maybe looking to work on Steve's own release, he stopped her and in enough words, requested she position herself elsewhere.

"Sit on my face, sweetheart."

That's when Bucky finally committed to his own experience.

Seeing Avery perched above Steve's face, thighs resting on either side of Steve's head, hands clutching his hair as she moved her hips against his tongue, Bucky nearly sent himself over the edge. When he let out a series of expletives, he could have sworn he could hear Steve laughing.

"Avery baby, Stevie's taking good care of you?"

Avery opened her eyes, holding onto the back of Steve's head for dear life as she looked over at Bucky. His eyes were just as glossy as her own, blown up with anticipation and lust and need. She chewed on her lip and nodded as she watched Bucky gripping his length.

She didn't even get a chance to respond to him, nodding aggressively. "Oh my god, Steve. Fuck." Avery was shaking already but Steve was not going to let up, apparently. As another orgasm hit her, he grabbed her thighs and kept her just where he wanted her.

If Avery had to rank her favourite things to do in bed, she'd be hard pressed to actually place one of her partners above the other. But she would certainly not shy away from admitting that a very determined Steve would have her sit on his face for hours, if she'd let him. Though there was the time that statement really annoyed Bucky so he had to prove his worth and, well, Avery slept really well that night.

"You showin' off, punk?" Bucky questioned from his perch across the room, earning a quick upside down glance from Steve as Avery rolled off him to catch her breath.

Steve smirked, grabbing the waistband of his boxer briefs and peeling them down. Beside him, Avery was still catching her breath. Her hands were running against the skin of her chest, lightly pinching a nipple or sweeping against her thighs.

"What's next?" Steve directed the question at Bucky. It was either an invite for him to join or perhaps an invite for instruction. Whatever he wanted, however he felt he wanted to participate. This back and forth was easy. Comfortable. Safe.

Bucky didn't need to think twice. Though he wasn't ready to join them yet, he could indulge. "I mean, birthday girl's choice. But fuck if I don't want to see you riding Stevie, doll."

And that was enough.

It's not that Avery liked to show off or even that she liked being watched. But there was something so instinctual, so sensual about their shared pleasure. Even if it wasn't direct skin on skin, the feral look in Bucky's eyes as Avery climbed on top of Steve was nearly enough to push her to another climax.

Steve acted as the anchor. Her hands stayed steady flat against his chest as she moved her hips, in slow circles first. It always took a few moments to get used to it - the full stretch. Steve guided her, a little bit quicker. As their pace increased, so did the filth that came from Steve's mouth. Sure, on the outside it might seem like Bucky is the one who leaned towards dominance more in the bedroom but it was more often Steve Rogers whose quiet intensity came to life in the throes of passion.

"You watching Buck, sweetheart? You see how hard he is? 'Cause of us.."

"Fuck, Avery."

"You're so good, Ave. You'feel so good, fuck."

Avery couldn't even find it in her to respond. Steve pulled her down, flat against his chest. He nipped at her neck, holding her tight as his hips snapped upwards. He slowed down, though. As if he wanted her to feel every inch of him again and again.

"Give us another one, baby. C'mon."

Avery pushed herself up again, leaning back and resting her hands on Steve's knees. She controlled the pace this time but that didn't stop him. Steve was relentless - his one goal was Avery's pleasure and she certainly couldn't be mad about it. One hand reached up to scratch along her chest, grabbing and twisting and kneading against her flesh. His other hand moved from her waist to between her legs once more, using his thumb to stimulate her to the edge.

"Tell us, Ave. C'mon. Give it to me. Come, baby. Come for us."

"Fuck. Steve!"

She was shaking again and praying to anyone who would listen that she had so much gratitude for the stamina of her partners. But, now it was her turn to call the shots.

"Now, let's do it together. All of us."

Steve was quick to get her onto her back and as he lined himself up. Avery, who was almost tipping her head off the bed, called for Bucky.

"Buck, I need you. Please."

Steve's hands gripped her hips, hard enough that he was likely going to leave bruises where his thumbs pressed.

Bucky moved as quickly as he could, sitting on his knees at the side of the bed. He kept one hand on himself and he used the other to brush sweaty hair from Avery's forehead, leaning down to lay kisses across her face.

"M'sweaty," she whined, closing her eyes as she reached her hands above to just touch Bucky.

"That's okay, I don't mind. Stevie gets me all worked up too," Bucky answered softly, grinning as he looked up and watched Steve smiling proudly. "I mean, look at him."

Avery's laugh turned into a whimper as Steve sped up. Although it felt like everything else was slowing down at the same time. Bucky's free hand moved across her skin, his mouth nibbled against her neck, he soothed her with words of praise. "We love you, baby. You're doing so good. So good for us. You're all ours, huh."

"I'm close.." Steve choked out, chewing on his lip.

"Me too," Avery echoed, keeping one hand stretched out to grip Bucky's hair and the other between her legs. Now, everything seemed to slow down. She felt Steve's thrusts slow once more, a guttural growl escaping his lips as he came. A similar groan sounded from Bucky as he spilled into his hand and against his chest. Another climax waved through Avery between them.

Together.

Avery would not be the first person to talk about the ridiculous term making love. Because she truly felt love every time she had sex with either of her partners, even the rough, hard, slow stuff. And when it was all three of them involved? It was even more special. Like there was an actual, touchable thing called love glowing in their bedroom.

This time, she was left in a headspace she couldn't quite describe. As she closed her eyes and caught her breath, hearing Bucky and Steve's voices mix together above her, she was content. Before she could really ground herself again (or maybe even pass out), someone was picking her up.

The arm cradling her back was cool. "Happy birthday, Avery baby." Bucky kissed her again and again and again as they followed Steve's long strides towards the bathroom.

Steve let out a short yelp as he turned on the shower, taking the blast of cold water and waving them in when the warm steam filled the space. Bucky placed Avery's feet on the ground and suddenly the intensity of what just happened in the bedroom melted away into comfort. Wet kisses and warm touches, gentle swipes of a washcloth and the heavy scent of her favourite lavender soap.

They laughed when arms awkwardly bumped into each other and quickly the romantic post-sex shower became overlapping limbs and pinching and swapping shampoo and laughing. Steve wrapped Avery in a big towel once they were out and muttered something about letting Rocky out before they slept. Bucky disappeared into the closet to find something to wear.

After combing her hair and brushing her teeth, Avery turned from the sink, feeling overwhelmingly content and ready to fall asleep in someone's arms. As she headed back towards the bedroom still clad in a towel, she stopped just before the doorway. In front of her on the doorknob was a hanger displaying a yellow satin pajama set, with a button up shirt and matching shorts. She ran her fingers across the fabric and grabbed the hanger, walking in to find Bucky and Steve in the middle of discussion. Steve was in just a pair of flannel pajama pants while Bucky still only had his towel on his hips.

"So, how long did it take to decide on yellow?" Avery interrupted them and nearly blushed when they both looked at her with soft smiles. "Thank you." She had been eyeing the pajamas in one of the boutiques earlier that day but decided against them. Clearly someone else had snuck back to buy them without her realizing.

"Thought you wouldn't mind one last gift, doll," Bucky answered her. He wanted to confess how she reminded him of sunshine and happiness and goodness so he loved when she wore yellow. But he swallowed that thought down and opted to press a kiss to her forehead instead.

"Just to be clear, I will accept any gift at any time for any reason." She quickly changed into the pajamas, very loudly announcing how soft and perfect they were as she flopped onto the bed. Tired. She yawned and quickly looked between them once more.

Bucky pulled on a pair of boxers and turned to Steve, who was eyeing the far wall across the room. "I think it'll fit."

Steve tipped his head to the side with a shrug. "We might just have to sacrifice one of the side tables."

"Well, you wanted to install floating shelves anyway so -

"Wait." Avery, who had been slowly nestling herself into the bed and had welcomed Alpine to join her. "What is happening?"

"I want to move the bed," Bucky said quietly, as if it was difficult for him to muster. Avery propped herself up onto her elbows, careful not to disturb Alpine who was already napping against her hips. She blinked a few times and looked from Bucky to Steve once more.

Bucky didn't need to explain himself, of course. He hadn't said it out loud but Avery could read between the lines. Part of the reason he was struggling to stay in their room overnight was the constant familiarity, the flashback of that night. If something as easy as rearranging their furniture would give him some peace, they had to at least try.

"Okay." Avery nodded. "Do you need my help? I'm very strong, you know." She started to push back the blankets but Steve shook his head.

"Stay put." He stretched out his arms for a brief moment then he and Bucky got to work. With little effort they moved the side tables from the wall, cleared out some of the storage boxes hidden under the bed then effortlessly lifted the king size frame. With the mattress, bedding, Avery and Alpine still on top.

Then, the bed was moved and things were shuffled into place. The bed faced the window now, which was nice. Although at this angle it closed the room off a bit, the change was welcome. And when everything had settled, Bucky stood beside the bed, scanning the space.

Avery, who was definitely ready to sleep, turned onto her side to look at him. "What do you think?" Steve slotted in behind her, dropping his arm over her waist as pressed against her back.

Bucky took a deep breath, nodding his head a few times and pulling back the blankets to join them in bed. He didn't need to reply out loud. His breath was steady and slow as he faced Avery. She met his lips, laying a hand flat against his chest. Steve moved his arm and squeezed Bucky's hip.

Sleep found them all quickly. And in the morning, Avery woke up in a sweat - because she was somehow still sandwiched between Bucky and Steve, limbs twisted and overlapping. Alpine was curled up somewhere in the blankets near their feet and Rocky was sleeping near the doorway.

Avery turned her head from one side to the other. Steve was snoring quietly to her left. Bucky was sleeping peacefully to her right. If this is what trying looked like, then maybe they were on the right path after all.

A/N: Phewwwwwwwww. This chapter certainly took a turn I didn't really anticipate but I'm happy with how we got here. I could provide an entire essay worth of thoughts about the intimacy between these three but I guess I just want to summarize that it's very important to their relationship and building up that trust between them again is logically taking some time. And it's not just trust in each other, this is about Bucky trusting himself not to hurt either of his partners again - emotionally or physically. So bringing down that wall again has certainly still been an uphill battle for them. And yes, we did set Avery up with some defensive tools by ways of some made up Wakandan technology *curious eyes emoji*

Thank you to everyone who reads, favourites and follows! SO happy to have you here. Thank you to Katie McAlpine, riahsparks, AndAllTheSaintsAreMadeOfGold, qmione, WinchesterGurl4Life and EirlysLavellan for the reviews :) I so appreciate your thoughts everytime! It makes all the difference so I can't express my gratitude enough.

WinterQueen: sorry I can't respond to you directly! Thank you so much for your review and for reading. First and foremost, you never need to apologize for sharing your thoughts! I am happy to have a discussion and talk about this story. I certainly appreciate your POV on the topic and I hope this chapter gave more background on their sexual relationship. Bucky is definitely working through a lot of things right now, especially when it comes to being physically close with Avery especially. But that being said, due to the nature of their relationship, I think there will always be times where it might just be Steve and Avery or Bucky and Avery or even Steve and Bucky paired off in bed - just because that's how I interpret a polyamorous relationship working. Even in Bucky's absence, they had their own needs that they wanted to meet and had sex without him. I don't want it to come across that they are ignorant to *his* feelings by indulging in their own. They have been very patient with him and will continue to be and I think he's grateful for that, but still beating himself up over everything so it's hard not to take it to heart. I think one of the most important things in any relationship is having those tough discussions and in the next few chapters, that will be explored a bit more as Bucky works through more of his guilt and as Avery works through her trauma, too. Feel free to send me a message or follow up review if you have any questions. Thank you :)

Coming up next: boxing classes, office mates, therapy, strategy and more.

Also! I'm here to drop a plug for my friend EirlysLavellan's story 'As The Sky May Fall' - we've met her OC Alice in my story a few times now and I can't stress enough how much i love that character and the way she's been built into the MCU through that story. I can't recommend it enough, folks!