Content warning: some smut in this chapter. oh and, as per usual, feelings.
For a long time, Steve kept himself busy on purpose. It served as a distraction when the world was causing him so much pain. He joined SHIELD after his time on ice because that made the most sense - it was as close as he could get to being a soldier again without leading a troop in the army. It kept his mind and body busy.
His time with The Avengers served as another way to stay distracted and active. But they had been fighting for the greater good, right? Despite the emotional warfare that surrounded The Sokovia Accords and saving Bucky and the team falling apart, he still tried to find a purpose.
Then there was Thanos and the destruction and the aftermath. There were the days he barely scraped by during the five year timespan in between. Of course he kept as busy as he could. He ran support groups until they dwindled off. He supported Nat in her ongoing quest to keep going and keep fighting. Then, when they finally won and the world settled once more, things shifted again. Helping Bucky heal was always on his to-do list.
Now, in his self proclaimed retirement from The Avengers and his role as Captain America, Steve was just as busy and distracted as ever. If he let himself stop and breathe for more than a moment, he was worried about where his mind may go. The last few months hadn't been easy.
Though he had tried his best to quiet the echo in his mind, there had been a point when Steve was standing face to face with frightening uncertainty. He had watched his oldest friend - deepest love - become someone else and rip through their bedroom with a force of destruction Steve hadn't encountered in years.
Steve's inability to stop Bucky from hurting Avery… it stayed with him.
One night, during those long weeks, Steve laid awake in bed wrestling with his consciousness. Curled up on his right side under his arm, Avery was fast asleep. Peacefully, so far. He took it one day at a time with her but things had been progressing slowly. With his left hand he reached to the side table for his phone, checking again for another message from Bucky. For anything. Any kind of affirmation that he was okay or that he had a plan to come home.
He had to come home. Avery needed him. Steve needed him to come home.
Steve knew Bucky was in Wakanda. For a moment, in the darkness of their bedroom, Steve considered how quickly he could arrange transport there to bring Bucky home himself. But, in that same moment, a bigger issue surfaced for Steve. Something he hadn't thought to face yet because it was the most foolish thing he could dream of. Could he leave Avery to go get Bucky? It was a painful internal battle. The power of choice haunted him.
Then, a barely audible whimper had escaped Avery and she shifted in even closer towards him. Every doubt and argument about whatever his choices were disappeared instantly.
Steve was exactly where he was supposed to be. Avery needed him.
Steve's buzzing phone broke him away from his memories. In the present day, he was leaning against the counter in one of the nearly finishing apartment units in their building. He was patiently waiting for an electrician to show up to complete some work. Steve was surprised to see Sam's name on his caller ID in the middle of the week.
"Hey Sam," Steve answered as he pushed off the counter, brushing his free hand on his thigh as discarded drywall dust littered his jeans.
"Hey. I just got an expedited parcel from Torres -
"The file?" Steve's breath caught in his throat for a second, reaching for his coat.
"Yeah. We doin' this right now? I'm just turning off Marcy."
"I'm in unit 201." He left his coat hung up behind the door and resumed his pacing. Try as he had to avoid the inevitable next steps of their Project Cendres investigation, Steve knew this point in time would come. He had been putting off getting Bucky involved but he had a feeling his time had run out.
Steve tried not to get ahead of himself, letting out a long breath as he went to open the door for Sam. They exchanged a brief nod as Sam shook off his coat, plunking a cardboard FedEx mailer onto the counter.
"He said he copied everything he could find. No originals and nothing digital. But hopefully this sheds some light on what happened."
Steve nodded along, leaning forward on the counter as Sam pulled out the folder, laying it flat ahead of them both. Then, they dove in.
On top was a chalky photocopy of Jeremy Felix's Air Force recruitment file, including a photo of a young, promising pilot. It took Steve a second to take it all in. Over the last few years, he had developed a comfortable relationship with members of Avery's family. But it was nearly haunting to see the photo of her other brother, like a shadow of his twin Nash.
"Identical?" Sam mused curiously, flicking his gaze to the picture. "He's a bit more stoic than Nash."
"Avery always said Nash would move on from service life but Jeremy was in it for the long haul," Steve commented as he read through the file. "Captain status at 25 is a great achievement."
"Okay, here we go." Sam flipped through another pile of documents - medical records, performance evaluations and the like - and finally found what they were really looking for. As far as the general public and Felix family knew, Jeremy Felix's plane was shot down in regulated airspace. His plane was destroyed and records show his cause of death being impact from the crash.
"So that was it," Sam muttered, squinting for a moment as he read over the details. "Look." His index finger drew Steve's attention to a line at the bottom of the document. "I'm rusty when it comes to how they calculate the Death Gratuity - but that is a big number."
Steve narrowed his eyes on the bottom compensation line, outlining a very generous sum of money that would have gone to the Felix family after Jeremy's sudden death. "Huh. Well, clearly something else was going on here. Correct me if I'm wrong though, he wouldn't have been out there alone, right?"
"It's definitely more common to have at least a pair of birds together," Sam answered as he flipped through the paperwork. He pulled out another document and handed it to Steve. "Well, there we go. This was definitely not in that redacted file. He wasn't alone."
Steve dropped the rest of the papers and focused on the profile of Jeremy's flight partner that day. Another serviceman from his squadron named Watkins - a cheeky, bright eyed recruit who had climbed the ranks similar to his wingman. The report clipped to his records indicated his flight path was aligned with Jeremy's until just before the crash. That was where the information ended.
"Why would they only shoot down one plane?" Sam asked out loud, shaking his head and moving to lean against the counter. He turned to watch Steve as his eyes crawled over the paperwork, as if trying to figure out the missing details.
"This says Watkins left the Airforce in the middle of his tour that year." Steve shifted his jaw back and forth. "Do you think you could try and track him down? I wonder if he can fill in some of these blanks for us."
Sam nodded, crossing his arms as Steve collected everything back into the file. "Now. Can we address the fact that your brooding boyfriend and I are going to be overseas for a few weeks? If we can tack on a few days after our last training session, we may be able to track some intel while we're over there."
Steve sighed. "Sam."
"You've gotta tell him, Steve. This whole thing is unravelling quickly and his Hydra knowledge could be a huge asset."
"I know, I know." Steve let out a long breath, closing his eyes. "He'll insist on telling Avery."
Sam nodded. "Okay. And would that really be so bad?"
"Until we know what we're dealing with, yes." Steve shook his head. "The only visual we're going off of is one sighting months ago now. There's no way to even know that was Jeremy, even if all of this -" He motioned towards the file and paperwork. "-is giving us a lead. I can't give her false hope, Sam. That's not fair."
"Is it really false hope? Is that what it was when you and I were running around the globe tracking down Bucky?"
Steve contemplated that question. He was always grateful to have Sam's perspective on things, even if he was playing Devil's Advocate. But Steve knew that situation was different - he had seen Bucky, heard him, fought him. Deep down, in his heart of heart's, he recognized his oldest friend, his first love, in his eyes. He knew that Bucky was still in there.
With Jeremy Felix, they were going in blind. Steve didn't know anything about him and they were still pretty clueless about this Hydra program he may have been involved with. But the one thing Sam was right about - Bucky needed to be looped in. There was no point in waiting any longer. And Steve knew that conversation might not go smoothly but they had to start somewhere.
"Okay. I'll talk to him and get him up to speed before you two jump across the ocean. But I'm not bringing Avery in yet."
Sam clapped his hand on Steve's shoulder. "We're all on the same team here, Steve. And for what it's worth, I think you need to give Avery more credit. She's been through a lot and I'm sure she can handle this, too."
Steve nodded once more. Whether or not Sam was right didn't matter, though. Steve knew some uncomfortable conversations were in his future but the quicker everyone was on the same page, the better.
Since Sam had disappeared in the middle of their afternoon planning session, Bucky decided he was done for the day, too. Really, they were more than ready for their first training course and had put in plenty of overtime in the last few days anyway. So, the extra few hours of time were welcome.
The bitter cold of January was still going strong. When Bucky finally turned onto their street, all he could think about was stoking the fire and maybe cuddling up with Rocky on the couch for the rest of the afternoon. His feet dragged through the snow and he was surprised to see the lights on inside as he climbed the steps of their townhouse. If he remembered correctly, Steve said he was spending the day at the apartment building. And Avery had class or a lab that afternoon. Though, it would certainly be a pleasant surprise if she was home.
They were both trying. That was the bare minimum lately. And it was working, slowly but surely. It would be an added bonus if they could have some time together now, especially if Bucky was going to be away for a few weeks coming up.
When he pushed the door open, he smiled when he saw Avery outside of the front closet. Then he saw the mess in the hallway between the stairs and the living room. It was as if the entirety of that coat closet had exploded.
"Hey! You're home early," Avery said with a smile, taking large steps over shoes and jackets to greet Bucky at the door. She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips as he tugged off his coat.
"What happened here?" He asked with a smirk, watching as she retraced her steps to the closet again. She was already dressed in a pair of leggings and an old t-shirt so Bucky guessed she had been home for a little while already.
Avery had crouched down and was pulling even more things out of the closet. "Mr. Rockefeller chewed up my resistance band. And I thought I had another one but I can't find it anywhere." She sat back on her heels and looked up towards Bucky, who was leaning against the wall behind her. She swallowed hard then sighed. "My, uh, elbow is just in pain today. I've been slacking on my physio exercises and.."
Avery trailed off but raised her left shoulder to shrug. This is what trying looked like. She had been avoiding talking about her recovery with Bucky. Mostly because the idea of causing him more grief and guilt made her heart sink. But she knew this was a part of her process and being honest was valuable to both of them.
Bucky nodded, just slightly and brushed his tongue across his lips. "Okay. Can you, uh - without the resistance band, is there -
Avery pulled herself up to stand and turned to face him. "Steve used to.." She took a deep breath. "There's a few stretches you could help me with, if you want.." She offered him a smile, brushing past him into the living room for more space.
Bucky supposed they were just going to ignore the mess for the time being.
Avery stood in the middle of the room, between the dining area and the coffee table. "C'mere." She tilted her head and motioned for Bucky to come a bit closer. "Honestly, I can do most of these on my own but it's nice to have a cheerleader." She smirked and Bucky couldn't help but smile, too. "So."
She talked through a series of stretches, extending her right arm out slowly and rotating her wrist. She rambled on and on about the muscles in her forearm and how they affect her elbow.
Bucky watched her closely. How she managed to speak so casually about her injury when the person who caused it was standing right there in front of her - it was beyond him. He focused his stare when she closed her eyes briefly, wincing from a fraction of pain as she rotated her arm.
"Buck, you're staring." Avery opened one eye and gave him a small smile.
Bucky swallowed hard, pulling his tongue across his lips and over his teeth. "Feels like a crime to look away from you, doll."
"Oh, stop." Avery rolled her eyes. Bucky was not helping this stretching exercise at all. She reached down to the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, then quickly rolled it up and held it between her two hands as they extended ahead of her.
Bucky continued to watch her, now standing in just a thin bra and her leggings. That's when he finally saw the scar on the underside of her elbow. It wasn't very big, the surgery had likely been laparoscopic, but he could see the leftover marks. Very slowly, he stretched his right hand out and gently ran his fingers against her skin.
"Avery.." He choked out her name. "I.. you should.. how can you even stand to be around me? When this was all my fault?" His hand moved once more, coming up to cradle her jaw.
She stilled and closed her eyes as he carefully brushed his thumb down the frame of her nose.
"I'm sorry that I -
"Hey!" Avery dropped the t-shirt and brought her hands together to grab his wrist, pulling his hand down from her face. "I thought we weren't doing apologies anymore."
"I hurt you. I'm.." Bucky choked on his words again, shaking his head quickly.
"Bucky." Avery's words were barely audible. "I'm not scared of you. I've never been scared of you. I'm not sure how to convince you of that otherwise." She smiled at him again, moving her left hand to his cheek. "Okay, I was scared of you once."
Bucky's face dropped.
"Remember that time we were playing monopoly and you were absolutely convinced Sam cheated? I honestly thought you might try to lodge that metal thimble into his forehead. Scary."
A quiet laugh escaped him and just like that, one snarky comment from Avery and he found himself grounded once more. Rooted in place right in front of her. His eyes flicked down, wondering if that overwhelming glow in his heart was spilling out for her to see.
Then, something shifted in him. His eyes moved to her chest - half exposed skin peeking out from the top of her bra, begging to be touched. Gently, his left hand moved to grab her right wrist.
Avery's hand fell from his cheek and she gasped as Bucky leaned in, turning his head to brush his lips against the inside of her forearm. Like a man with a mission, his mouth continued on. Each kiss was pressed so carefully. When he reached her collarbone, his right hand snaked around her waist and pulled her tight against him.
"Bucky.." she rasped out, breath picking up quickly as his mouth sucked against her neck. Her left hand reached for his head, tugging on his hair as he continued working magic across her skin.
It was a flurry of mouths and hands and whimpering. Suddenly, Bucky was salivating and starving all at once. He crossed his own mental threshold and that voice inside of him called only one name: Avery, Avery, Avery.
Pulling his mouth away from her pulse point, he settled his face parallel to hers. In that moment, it felt as if time somehow stopped. Avery's chest heaved against his as she caught her breath - up and down, lungs filling and deflating in a steady pattern. Bucky's right hand moved from her waist up to her cheek, tracing his thumb gently down her nose once more. Then across her cheek bone, grazing her soft lips.
She swallowed hard, lips twitching into a coy smile as Bucky pushed his tongue across his lips. Then, his hand moved further along her jaw and gently gripped her neck under her ear.
And time sped up once more.
"Need you," he groaned out quickly when their lips finally collided. His touch had intention - slow and searing, as if Bucky wanted to remember the taste for the rest of his days. He couldn't quite pinpoint why it all felt so new but his tongue danced against hers, like it was the first time all over again. Avery's hands mirrored his, cradling his face as they traded breaths back and forth.
"Take me," was Avery's breathy reply, reaching her hands down to his waistline. "Please."
He sucked at that one spot on her neck, a secret sensitive patch of skin that sent shivers through her. Avery wasn't sure how or why her knees felt like they were going to collapse but when she buckled from the sensations pulsing through her, Bucky didn't miss a beat. Sure, they could probably just as quickly move to the couch or even hurry upstairs to a bed, but this couldn't wait.
Avery, Avery, Avery.
Bucky cradled Avery's back as they fell to the floor. She was nearly panting again, gasping for air but more importantly, desperate for Bucky. Her hands reached out and pulled at the bottom hem of his shirt, willing it up, up and away from his chest. It landed somewhere across the room and his dog tags clinked together as they hit his chest. Next Bucky was yanking her leggings and underwear away, too. He paused then, sitting on his knees between her legs.
Catching his breath again, he took in every inch of her body.
An embarrassed giggle escaped her, reaching her hands up to grab for him again. "Stop staring.." He caught her hands and held them, slowly bringing his mouth to each and pressing a kiss against her knuckles.
"I'm savouring, okay?" He replied listlessly, letting go of her hands. He let out a low growl, a guttural moan, when she circled her fingers between her legs. "Avery, baby. Fuck."
Avery chewed on her lip, eyes closed as she explored herself. Bucky interrupted her though, grabbing her active wrist and bringing her hand up to his mouth again. Then he captured her fingers in his mouth and this time, Avery was the one growling as he sucked on her digits. "Bucky, I can't wait. Please, I need you. Please."
Bucky shuffled with his belt and used his other hand to cradle her cheek as he leaned down against her. He barely had his pants and underwear shoved down his legs before he was lining himself up with her, easing himself in as she met him with her hips.
Time didn't matter now - if it stopped forever or sped up, it didn't matter. All that matter was soft lips and warm skin and the beating, beating, beating rhythm of Avery's heart. Words disappeared into the air as Bucky's hips moved, steady and purposeful. He was enraptured with each pull and push, feeling Avery adjust to him just like before. It was a different kind of coming home - it was more than familiar and satiating, it was comfort and bliss and exactly where they were supposed to be.
With one hand, Avery cradled his cheek and ran her hands through his hair. With her other, she held Bucky as close to her as she possibly could - hand gripping his lower back. If she didn't, what if it all vanished? This was real, this was happening and the last thing she wanted was to lose it again.
"Krasotka," Bucky whimpered against her mouth, smiling wide as she closed her eyes. "My krasotka."
Avery hooked her legs around him as best as she could, shifting the angle of her hips and crying out as Bucky's pace increased. "Yes, yes, Bucky - I'm going to.. Don't stop, please. Fuck, fuck, yes." His lips locked with hers as her climax rushed through her, legs vibrating and clamping around him.
Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.
Bucky buried his face into her shoulder as he came just moments after her, growling as Avery's hand gripped around his bicep. His hips rutted a few more times and he nipped against her neck again, brushing his tongue against her skin and finally meeting her lips.
Avery, Avery, Avery.
Eventually, Bucky shuffled and slid halfway beside her. They became an awkward tangle of limbs, his legs still halfway trapped in his jeans. His head rested gently against her extended right arm, staring at her as she watched him. He brought his hand up and brushed the sweaty mess of hair away from her forehead. She held his hand against her cheek and closed her eyes.
"I love you so much, Ave," he said quietly, tipping his head and pressing a kiss to the crook of her elbow.
She smiled and shuffled slightly, hooking her leg over his thigh and pulling herself against his chest. "I like your hair this length. Have I mentioned that? It's very fluffy." She nuzzled against his chest and neck, running one hand through his hair.
"Guess I'm not cutting it then," he muttered as he kissed the top of her head. "Wait. Is your elbow okay?" He pushed himself up a bit to relieve any pressure of his body on hers.
"Yes, I'm fine." She laughed and kissed his lips as she propped herself up the same. "I just need to be a bit more careful. Stretching in a very hot shower should help."
Bucky smirked. "Should we clean up before or after that?" His eyes darted around, seeing as the mess from the closet was still spilled across the room. "If Stevie sees this when he gets home, he'll think we were robbed."
Avery laughed in agreement, though she let her fingers graze down Bucky's chest. "I can already picture the lecture. Okay, quick clean up first?" Her hand lingered at his waist, hesitating before gripping his length, eliciting a sharp inhale from Bucky. "Because I think we're going to need a long shower."
Bucky's hand reached out and cradled her cheek once more, pulling her towards his lips. "Mmm. Agreed."
It took Avery four visits to the boxing gym to finally speak up and ask about sparing. Though she had felt she was getting a thorough workout in the classes, there was something that left her feeling unsatisfied. She wasn't sure if she wanted to actually fight - that seemed beyond her skill level anyway. But she was up for something more challenging.
Avery was strong. She knew that. But that strength only got her so far. If there was one thing she learned over the course of her relationship with Bucky and Steve, being in action was more than brute strength. She wanted to increase her stamina, her agility, her aim and on-the-fly strategy development. And she hoped maybe that could all come with boxing.
Not that she was a superhero in any regards. There was just something to be said about being able to hold her own, to defend herself if she was ever faced with a bad situation again. Truthfully, her minor interaction with Harry Osborn had been weighing on her and the series of events that played out during that mess left a mark still.
She could definitely be better prepared.
It had taken all of her might and ten seconds of bold courage to approach Raya, the woman who owned the gym, to ask about learning to spar. Learning to box - for real. Even though her heart was beating out of her chest and her anxious mind was convincing her how terrible that idea was, the warm smile on Raya's face as she happily agreed squashed her concern.
Raya was somewhere in her forties but was built strong and mighty. She was an ex-marine and retired fighter who had witnessed an alarming number of women recover from physical assault with no plan for defense or ability to defend themselves. She had partnered with a nearby women's shelter to provide lessons and assist in recovery. But, she also trained both amateur and professional boxers.
Avery was comforted by the woman's kind smile but couldn't hide how intimidated she felt. When Avery met her in the practice area for her first unofficial lesson, most of her fears were manageable. It was a vast open room, surrounded by plenty of extra space that was filled with people using heavy bags or doing cardio. The boxing ring was sunken down by a flight of stairs and felt secluded enough to make Avery feel a bit less nervous, at least.
Raya, who was dressed in plain workout clothes and had tucked her waves of black hair into tight braids, greeted Avery with a tight smile and went through the basics first. Avery was already well versed in most of the beginner techniques thanks to Bucky. With her hands wrapped tightly under a pair of boxing mitts, she breezed through the instructions with ease and excitement. Her swing was steady and thorough as she moved her arms, with each hit echoing into the dusty light behind them.
Raya smirked, narrowing her gaze as she watched Avery jump around as they took a break. "Well, Travis was right. You are surprisingly strong. You certainly don't look it."
Avery frowned, hoping and praying that she hadn't come across too strong. Steve had advised her about best practices when it came to reducing her strength, pulling her punches safely and believably. "Yeah, it's kind of a hidden talent, I guess."
"Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing. But I don't want you to hold back." Raya, who had been wearing a pair of practice mitts, was exchanging them for her own pair of gloves. "Let's try something out."
This time she walked Avery through a more complicated combination, testing her reactions for blocking and defensive posture. That was definitely where Avery needed to improve. And that was very evident when she was twisted around in her footing and she lost her balance, falling backwards and landing on the springy floor beneath them.
"There we go. Okay, well, we have lots of room for improvement." Raya crouched down beside her, nodding her head with a smile. "I think Travis was right though - you've got a lot of potential, chica. If you're willing to put in some time, I can help you. Maybe we can even help each other."
Truthfully, knowing she wasn't entirely a failure at the sport so far was peace of mind to Avery. She made sure to cool down and stretch when she was finished with Raya, setting up another lesson the following week. She showered, changed and pulled on her coat, heading to the front of the gym to figure out which subway line was able to get her uptown to Bruce's lab.
When she pushed through the doors and made it onto the sidewalk, she found Travis. They had talked a few times since their initial meeting at the campus gym and Avery supposed they could be considered friends. He always said hello if he saw her at school or at the gym and she had a strange sense of gratitude for him connecting her with this boxing experience.
"Avery, hey! How'd it go with Raya?" Travis asked her with a smile, tucking his phone into his pocket. "You heading to campus?"
She shook her head, indicating her direction to the subway stop across the street. "I work at a lab in Midtown. But the lesson went well, I think. Kind of kicked my ass a bit, honestly." That was true but she was happy about it, her muscles were pleasantly sore and rested. "Hey. Can I ask you something?"
Travis nodded, giving her a small smile. He was dressed in a peacoat and scarf, much more put together than his usual gym clothes. The late January air was cold but he didn't seem to mind the conversation. "Sure."
"Raya is great, really. She's got a lot of experience but how well do you know her?"
"I met her through my sister years ago. She's a bit rough around the edges but she knows her shit."
"She seems to think I have some hidden talents for this stuff. I like the challenge. But she said something odd to me about how 'we can help each other out' - does that mean anything in particular?" Avery hated having questionable thoughts but she supposed it was better to have her guard up.
Travis just smiled, shaking his head. "Honestly, I think she's always looking to recruit. Maybe she thinks you could really fight. I caught the end of your session there and I think you could participate in an amateur match one day."
"Oh, I doubt that. I'm really new to all of this. Plus, I just want to learn."
"I don't know." His smile grew for a minute as he looked at her. "If Raya is giving you her time, it's a good sign. Try to enjoy the ride, at least. See what happens." A car honked across the street and he turned his head and waved. "That's me. I'll see you around, Avery!"
Avery waved as he hurried away then turned to head towards the subway stop. Squeezing this boxing training into her schedule hadn't really been in the cards but she sort of really liked it. For the first time in a while, it felt like something just for her. Whether or not she continued it for a long time or did something as bold as participate in a real boxing match didn't matter. But, as she rode the train uptown and thought of her day ahead in the lab with Bruce, she pushed all the thoughts into the back of her mind and shifted her focus back to schoolwork instead.
Saturday mornings were a favourite in their house. It usually meant a slow start and breakfast together, making plans for the rest of their day and just enjoying the company of one another. Bucky was planning on a very slow nothing day, considering he and Sam were due to travel to Washington the following week.
But Steve had other plans and apparently really needed his help at the apartment. Avery, meanwhile, had promised some time to Sudi to help her friend go over her thesis presentation.
But they were all still starting their day together, at least.
Avery took a long sip of her coffee and returned it to the table, tapping her fingers against the mug. "Anyway. All I'm saying is Trav thinks I could probably qualify for a real match in the future." She had been filling them in on her last session at the boxing gym. She already knew how they would react to her actually fighting but she figured it was fair to be transparent about what she was doing.
Steve raised an eyebrow, watching her from across the table. "Do you want to do that? I mean, ethically I don't think you should fight at all - considering you have an undisclosed advantage."
Avery shrugged. "I mean, boxing isn't about who's the strongest. It's about technique and strategy. I don't know if I want to but it's nice to know I'm sort of good at something."
Bucky, who had a mouthful of cereal, turned his head to look at her. "Who the fuck is Trav?"
Avery rolled her eyes. "Travis. He's the guy who told me about the gym in the first place."
"Right. The guy who was hitting on you when you were trying to work out." Bucky dropped his spoon into his empty bowl, offering a smirk to her then glancing at Steve. "Trav."
"Oh my god," Avery sighed and rolled her eyes again. "He was not hitting on me."
"What's his last name?" Bucky continued, reaching for his phone.
"No, nope." Avery grabbed his hand before he could pick it up. "No look ups or background checks. That's not fair."
"I think it's fair," Bucky countered, shifting in his chair to face her. "It's precautionary. Right, Stevie?"
Steve, who was quietly watching them banter back and forth, raised his hands to indicate he did not want to get involved.
"Did you do a background check on Steve's fangirl TA? I would be more concerned about Mrs. Captain America than Travis. She probably has some secret blog filled with very detailed theories and fantasies about Steve."
Steve was beginning to wish he hadn't told Avery and Bucky about Cassidy. She was a nice girl and he was not really concerned, even if she was very passionate about his past and time as Captain America.
"Anyway! This isn't about Trav-" Avery emphasized his name on purpose, earning an eye roll from Bucky. "It's about your super incredible girlfriend and how much talent she exudes getting out her pent up strength."
"Doll, I think you're great at everything you do so I'm not surprised. But I also think you should be cautious about who you get to know."
"We've been misled by people with good intentions before," Steve finally added in, agreeing with Bucky.
She chewed on her lip and smiled reluctantly. "I know, I get it. And I appreciate you both looking out for me."
After breakfast, Avery was quick to leave the house and head towards campus to meet up with Sudi. She and the boys made plans to reunite for dinner later. Meanwhile, Bucky and Steve got dressed and headed to the apartment building.
Well, that's what Bucky was under the impression of, at least. When they were travelling over the Brooklyn Bridge instead of heading towards Queens, Bucky shifted in the passenger seat and raised an eyebrow at Steve. "We takin' the scenic route?"
Steve just sighed, keeping his eyes forward as he guided the Jeep through the Saturday morning traffic. "I've gotta tell you something. Well, show you something."
Bucky did not like the uncertain tone of his boyfriend's voice. He kept his nervous thoughts to himself though because it was clear enough to him that whatever he was about to find out was clearly wearing on Steve.
When Steve pulled the vehicle into a small lot in the village, near his old apartment, Bucky grew more confused. They had talked a while ago about finally selling Steve's old apartment but he had a feeling this wasn't a discussion about Manhattan real estate. Bucky followed along as Steve directed them to the building and upstairs to the apartment.
Finally, when they were outside the door, Steve hesitated before putting his key in the lock. "Buck, I'm not really sure where to start with this one. But I need you to have an open mind while we figure this out."
Bucky frowned, gently reaching out to put his hand on Steve's forearm. "Stevie, what is going on?" It was out of character to see Steve so on edge.
"Just let me explain, okay?" Steve pushed the door open and motioned for Bucky to head inside. He had no idea what he was about to find. Inside, he walked in to see piles of file folders on the coffee table and kitchen counter. His eyes travelled further and stopped on a big screen that powered up as he walked in front of it, displaying a collage of photos and scanned files in a variety of languages.
Project Cendres. Paris, Lyon, Metz. 2013, 2015, 2015. Militaire. Jeremy Felix.
Jeremy Felix?
"Jeremy Felix?" Bucky murmured, shaking his head a few times as if he wasn't understanding properly. "Avery's brother?" He turned and saw that Steve had dropped onto the couch, leaning forward, elbows on his knees as he watched Bucky.
"Let me start at the beginning" Steve jumped right in, starting at the first contact with Nash's friend Luke and that snake Charlie. He reiterated their whole story - specifically how they were in the middle of Paris and ran into the ghost of their deceased friend.
"There was this old Hydra file called 'Project Cendres' - it's not entirely clear what their goal was but there are reports of over a dozen servicemen from various army states that were presumed dead. We think there's a connection."
Bucky didn't react as Steve was speaking. In fact, it was the complete absence of emotions that was more concerning to Steve.
Bucky turned back to the screen, swiping his hand over a few documents and reading a few others. "Who else knows about this?"
"Sam, Clint, and Alice." When Bucky didn't react, Steve continued. "I've been meaning to get you involved but, well, things have been delicate. Buck, we need your help. There's a huge gap of information here when it comes to Hydra's participation. If you and Sam are going to be in Europe soon, we are hoping there's an opportunity to do some investigating."
Bucky sank into the nearest chair, bringing his hand up to drag across his jaw. Truthfully, it had been a long time since he had given his brain power to Hydra. That organization was inescapable in the recesses of his mind - the monsters responsible for years of torture, pain and unresolved memories he could never shake.
Of course he knew The Winter Soldier program wasn't the only project that had involved human experimentation. But to think they had still been operating and successfully capturing innocent people within the last few decades was crushing. Suddenly, his mind was stirring with a storm of regrets. Should he have done more since healing his mind? Could he have helped prevent more pain and suffering for others?
Not only that, Hydra had been composed of a militia of evil. Scientists, biologists, doctors with bad intentions and rotten souls - people who Bucky could only describe as subhuman, lacking any resolve or bone of empathy, morality, ethics. If they had an order, a plan that was to be seen through, it didn't matter who the subject was. And this time, the subject might have been Avery's brother. On the one hand, the fact that he was still potentially alive - that could be promising. But given the advancement of technology over the last century, who knows what they could have done to him?
Avery's brother. Avery's brother.
Avery.
Bucky's eyes grew wide. "Does Avery know?"
Steve shook his head. "No, god no. Of course not. I wasn't going to -
"We have to tell her." It was as if Bucky spoke without thinking.
This is what Steve was afraid of. He knew that was going to be Bucky's first reaction. And Steve was understanding - of course he was understanding. But opening up that wound for Avery was not a risk he was willing to take yet, not when they didn't have any concrete answers to lay as their foundation.
"Buck, we are running on speculation and theories right now. No visuals, no sightings outside of one possibility in a crowded Paris street. This might all be for none and -
"Steve."
"I can't get her hopes up, okay? That's not fair. We can't do that to her. I don't want to hurt her." Steve's tone felt heavy, laced with something deep and uncertain.
"You realize that's inevitable, right?" Bucky leaned back in the chair, eyes narrowed. He watched Steve's entire body sigh. It wasn't lost on Bucky that the weight of this was sitting on Steve's shoulders and had been for months now.
Bucky was conflicted. His fingers curled up against his thighs, tightly wound into fists. His frustration stemmed from his own history but grew more when he thought about his months gone, how removed he felt from his own relationship, and how Steve had been carrying this without telling him.
Truthfully, Bucky was angry and he didn't know what to do with the boiling emotions. "The longer we keep this from Avery, the worse it will be for all of us, Steve." He took in a sharp breath as his lips formed a tight line.
As if Steve didn't already understand that. "Trust me, I have thought about this from every angle so far. The moment we tell her, that opens even more complications." He truly had thought through this a lot. Avery valued her relationships with her family, especially her dad. And Steve knew well enough that once she was faced with this information about her brother, she'd be put in a terrible position about who to share that information with too.
Bucky shook his head. "I get that but I don't think keeping secrets from each other is going to help us right now."
Steve sucked in a breath, dragging his lip across his teeth. He didn't anticipate this - a wave of feeling, a shroud of resentment wrapping around him as he watched Bucky's mind work on the other side of the room. Steve had done his best, right? Given the circumstances, he did the right thing. He considered Avery's feelings first. That was more important than anything else. He pushed aside his own morals, his own conflicted feelings about their relationship and best practices and what to do with the information at hand. Because at the end of the day, his job was to take care of the people he loved.
Bucky grabbed a file from the table and flipped through it. He sighed again. "You should have told her right away."
Steve considered himself to be a very patient person. Especially when it came to Avery and Bucky. Their relationship was a continuous symphony of compromise and letting things go, changing their minds when required and hearing the other two out when presented with new information. That was usually how a team worked. For the three of them, one person wasn't the leader with two partners. It was an equally opportunity relationship.
But, despite all of that sound logic pulsing in the back of Steve's mind, it all seemed to disappear after Bucky's last comment. It had been a long time since he had argued with Bucky about anything. Hell, they were usually on the same page about most things when it came to their personal life.
But Bucky's stiff gaze and the certainty in his tone just compounded against everything else Steve was holding back.
"You should have told her right away."
"Yeah. Well. You weren't here to help me make that decision, were you?" Steve snapped, pushing himself to stand. In his eyes, it wasn't red he was seeing. It was something darker, deeper. Purple hues of regret and hurt. Doubt and resentment. "You didn't have to take in all of this information then swallow it all down - because at home Avery was struggling to use her arm and sleep in our bed. No, I was the one who held her while she cried for weeks, I was the one placating her when you didn't communicate with us. So maybe cut me some slack because I chose to spare her goddamn feelings over whether we should tell her if her dead brother might be alive!"
In the history of his relationship with Steve - before and after the war and ice, before and after they were really together - Bucky could count on his hands the amount of times Steve had raised his voice at him. There had definitely been times where Steve was mad, passionately angry about something or other, and he yelled and growled and released whatever feelings had been pent up within his soul.
But it was rarely directed at Bucky.
And now, as Steve's words echoed through the small apartment, Bucky was momentarily frozen as he watched Steve stomp away towards the kitchen a few feet away.
Had he… had Bucky really been so focused on Avery over the last few weeks that he had been this ignorant to what might be going on with Steve? Why hadn't he said anything?
"Hey." Bucky pushed himself up from the chair and followed the same path to the kitchen, pausing at the doorway as Steve stood leaned against the counter. His arms were crossed, head tipped down as his gaze traced the floor. "You mad at me?"
Steve scoffed, shaking his head. "I'm not mad."
"It sure feels like it. What happened to talking things out?"
"What do you expect me to say here, Buck?"
Bucky didn't respond. He was still somewhere between mad about this entire situation and disappointed in himself for ignoring Steve's feelings for so long. There was no point in anymore yelling or anger because that just wouldn't help. He took a step towards Steve and mirrored his position, leaning against the counter beside him.
Steve sighed, finally tipping his head upwards again but he stared straight toward the cupboards across from them instead of looking at his partner. "I'm not mad. I'm just.." A heavy pause hung between them as Steve collected his thoughts. "I can rationalize why you left though I wasn't happy about it. But life carried on without you here and I did what I could to keep things running. And this -" Steve motioned his hands around. "This investigation has taken a lot of time. I was expecting some reaction, sure, but not criticism about how I chose to do things. I did what I thought was the right thing."
The truth was Steve had been trying his best. He wasn't asking to be celebrated but some understanding from Bucky would have made him feel like he was on the right track, at least.
"Stevie." Bucky was quiet as he snuck his right arm down beside Steve, reaching for his hand. "Me an' Avery are finally back in a good place and -
"I realize that," Steve sighed and pulled his hand away. "And I'm happy relie -
"Hey, let me finish." Bucky powered through, quickly shuffling his feet to stand in front of Steve instead. He grabbed both Steve's hands again and held them in the space between their chests. "My fixing things with Avery doesn't take priority over any of your feelings, you know that, right?"
Steve finally met Bucky's gaze though he didn't mutter out a response.
Bucky squeezed Steve's hands, brushing his thumb across his calloused knuckles. Steve had a tendency to go headfirst, mind set on a plan with the desire to execute a successful mission. Whether that was saving the world or adopting a dog or updating the crown molding in their living room. He worked hard with his hands and his heart. That was the sweetest summary anyone could give for Steve Rogers. Of course, it made him a dream partner in any relationship - romantic or personal. Steve was dedicated, resourceful, passionate and always there when someone he cared about needed him.
That was one of many things Bucky loved about him.
"I realized recently what the biggest vulnerability is in our relationship: selflessness." Bucky let a small grin grow on his face as Steve furrowed his brows curiously. "There's something to be said about three people willing to make an emotional sacrifice for the sake of their partners. I did it by running away, Ave let it erupt when she thought we were gonna break up and you? You keep everything at bay to protect us."
Steve huffed in agreement. "You're not wrong."
"Listen, I'm sorry. This-" Bucky nudged his head towards the living room where all the files were scattered around. "-is big. And I had no right to come in and make you think how you handled it was wrong. That wasn't fair. I really let my big mouth spout out all those thoughts without thinkin' about this from your perspective."
"I know you're worried about Avery in all of this, Buck. But you've got to understand she's the first thing I considered with every decision I have made so far. When I found out you were still alive, it changed everything. But it wasn't even about you - it rippled through the foundation of every part of my life, about what was true and what kind of other evils existed beyond what I knew and understood." He pulled his hands away from Bucky's after another squeeze, pushing off the counter to take a few pacing steps. "What if Jeremy is alive and he's not himself anymore? What if that wasn't really him and this is all for nothing? Maybe it's selfish but there are too many variables right now to think about telling her."
"Hey." Bucky followed behind his short steps and reached his hands to grab Steve's shoulders, steadying him. "Okay. I'm on the same page as you here, I swear. We won't tell her yet - not until we have some concrete evidence." Bucky nodded a few times until Steve took a deep breath and did the same. "Anything else you need to get off your chest?"
"I don't think so. But I'll be sure to tell you if something comes up."
Bucky smiled. "Punk. Maybe you need to yell at me more often."
Slowly, a grin grew on Steve's face. He wrapped his arms around Bucky's back, curling his hands up to run through his hair. "Just one more thing. I love this fluffy hair look you have going." His fingers scratched along the base of Bucky's neck.
Bucky smirked, tipping his head back as he laughed. "Well, that's two votes for no haircut, I guess." He squeezed Steve in his arms, cradling his head against his shoulder. "I love you, Stevie."
Steve nuzzled his murmured agreeable response into Bucky's neck. "Love you too, Buck."
They lingered in their embrace just a little bit longer. Bucky wanted to really make sure Steve was okay and having him in his arms did that. His hands rubbed circles against his back and eventually, Steve let out a long breath and pushed away from Bucky's chest. "Okay. Are you ready to get into this?"
Bucky nodded as a long exhale cleared his lungs and his mind. "Yeah. Let's see what kind of mess we're working with."
A/N: hey! this is coming out a bit later than I wanted it too - mainly because I rewrote the last scene about a dozen times. We know these boys care about Avery but they certainly show it in different ways and I wanted to incorporate that. Of course they always have their partners' best interest at heart but that doesn't mean their plans will align every time. but relationships are about compromise and communication and it's not always easy. all that to say, secrets aren't easy either.
And yes! Bucky called her 'krasotka' - my heart melted a little bit too. that was a callback to SMDTM and as a reminder, it means 'beautiful girl' in English.
thank you, as usual, to each and every person out there reading along! it's nice to have an audience with me as I tell this story. I appreciate every follow, favourite, view and review! special thanks to my recent loyal reviewers: Winchestergurl4life, AndTheSaintsAreAllMadeOfGold, Katie MacAlpine and KEZZ 1. Your thoughts and reactions are so appreciated! I always look forward to hearing what you think.
And of course, a special call to my good friend EirlysLavellan for being such a wonderful supporter throughout my writing journey. Broken record alert but have you checked out her story As The Sky May Fall yet?! You've gotta go fall in love with Alice.
next up: Professor Steve on campus. Bucky and Sam are ready to dive into whatever mess Hydra has left behind. Avery struggles to find her balance.