Content warning: There is a brief reference to suicide in this chapter.
"So, Bucky has been gone for how long? Just over two weeks now?"
Avery had been thisclose to cancelling her regularly scheduled therapy session with Evelyn. But she knew better. So despite her stack of reports she had to complete for Bruce by the end of the week that were piling up in her inbox, she kept her appointment and went through the paces.
"That's about right," Avery replied with a small smile, as if she hadn't been keeping a close watch on her calendar as she counted down until Bucky returned. "But it hasn't been as hard as I thought." That was… a half truth.
Avery had immediately confessed her swell of anxiety to Steve the first night without Bucky. It was a combination of a sudden change in her life and revisiting all those leftover feelings from when he was just gone.
Steve had admitted his same concerns right back to her. What helped them both, though, was actively making an effort to not only be honest about those things but also working around Bucky's schedule too. It was silly and just made Sam hyper aware of how co-dependent the three of them were, but it felt both necessary and helpful.
Was it overkill to sneak in a video call between Bucky's breaks during training and Avery's classes? Maybe. Was it too much to insist Bucky text them every night before he headed to bed? Sure. Did Steve still send photos of Rocky from their morning walks even if Bucky wasn't going to get them until hours later? Yes.
It was important. And in the future, as Bucky travelled and went on actual missions that were classified and off the grid, they'd have to adjust again. For the time being, the constant communication was a saving grace to their collective sanity.
"I think that's really great. It takes all sides of a relationship to ensure it works and it feels like all three of you are putting in the effort while you navigate this distance." Evelyn smiled at Avery from her side of the desk, pausing to push a strand of her pinstraight black hair behind her ear.
"It finally feels like we're back in a good place," Avery concluded with a nod, untwisting her hands from their position in her lap.
"Putting in the work usually pays off," Evelyn replied, placing her pen down carefully on the desk. "Speaking of - did you think about doing that exercise I suggested? Regarding your sister?"
Avery tried really hard not to roll her eyes. She just knew the minute they hung up the relationship topic Evelyn was going to hop along to the Lora topic instead. Truthfully, Avery regretted ever mentioning it.
"I have thought about it. I'm just not sure I see the point."
"It's a bit silly, I know. But it can be incredibly valuable to just write down those honest thoughts."
Avery chewed on her lip. Weeks ago, following her fight with Lora over the holidays, Avery had spilled about how it was affecting her and Evelyn hadn't forgotten. Of course not. But did Avery really want to write down all her feelings into a silly letter addressed to her sister?
"You don't have to send it, of course. The first step is digging into those issues and sometimes the easiest way to address it is to see it all laid out in front of you."
Avery swallowed hard then shrugged. She waved her hand in a show of indifference. "Fine. Here's how it'll go: Dear Lora - sorry you can't bulldoze my feelings this time. I know you're waiting for an apology but so am I. Remember how you told me my major in college was 'going to be difficult for me'? I let that go. Have you considered actually apologizing to me for trying to force a resolution between me and Crystal? That was yet another thing I just dismissed. But now, could you try to think before you speak - especially when you imply my boyfriends are going to get sick of me and toss me away for being an emotional mess!? Or do you really think I'm destined to be alone? Was that an instance of honesty or jealousy?" Avery opened her eyes - when had she even squeezed them closed!? - and let out a long breath before looking back at Evelyn. "Is that what you have in mind?"
"Don't you feel better already?" Evelyn rested her hands in her lap. "It's entirely up to you if you want to retain a relationship with your sister. I'm just here to help you make healthy decisions to get through it."
As Avery headed towards her subway stop following her session with Evelyn, her mind was swirling with doubt. She usually left feeling a renewed sense of clarity but this time everything felt really heavy. Despite the fact that Avery, Steve and Bucky had finally gotten back on track, she knew that didn't mean things were perfect. They were never perfect and that's what made everything feel so real.
The other real issue she was facing was that she missed her sister. They had recently exchanged a few stilted text messages as Lora provided a few resources and suggestions for Beatrice and her rehabilitation plan. Avery had been appreciative that they could put their dramatics on hold for the sake of reason. Of course their entire interaction could have been handled in one phone call but clearly neither sister was confident enough to make that effort yet.
With a deep breath of cool air filling her lungs, Avery made the decision to dismiss the heavy feeling. She could pack away whatever it meant for a later time. Instead of focusing on the leftover fight with her sister that was suddenly staring her in the face, she chose a warm latte on the walk towards campus and perhaps stopping at that cute little plant store in DUMBO on her way home.
While three weeks of running training programs had been a thorough distraction, the fact that Bucky and Sam were finally executing the next steps of this mission was almost kind of exciting. Admittedly, the thrill of some action had been severely lacking over the last few months and throwing his mind into these plans had been something Bucky was kind of enjoying.
He couldn't fully commit to describing it as a positive, though. Considering they were on the cusp of breaking into old HYDRA hangouts and had no idea what they were going to come across. Feeling just a tiny bit on edge was part of the process.
Given the short amount of time they had to explore HYDRA sites in Europe, Bucky and Sam were trying to work as quickly and effectively as possible. They started right away as they left Geneva - happily accepting ground transportation from one of Sam's old military contacts.
It was Sharon, though, who had helped them the most. When they decided to fill her in on their side investigation, her interest had peaked. In turn she loaned them comms and concealable weapons and even offered to be a third set of hands if they needed it. Of course, they knew to tread gently. Sharon could keep a secret but it was clear enough this whole thing could unravel into an even bigger problem if it proved to be true and more powerful people got word of it.
Fallen soldiers being snatched from disaster zones for years? Being swept under the rug? There was certainly something unethical happening behind the scenes with some military powers. Regardless, Bucky was grateful for Sharon's assistance.
The one glimmer of whatever that implied they were on the right track was a new possible sighting of Jeremy. Or someone who bore a vague resemblance to the twin Felix brothers, at least. Alice had been running an algorithm throughout some locations in Paris, mostly that original area he had first been spotted, but some other places along the way, too. There had been a small news report a few weeks back about a hooded vigilante helping someone out of a crashed car after sliding down an icy alleyway. Cross referencing some nearby security cameras produced one grainy, side profile black and white image. It wasn't much but it was something. At least it seemed like the might be on the path to some kind of answers.
The first stop on their journey was a HYDRA checkpoint buried in a small eastern France mountainside. Once they made their way through the rubble and broken infrastructure of the hideout, they didn't find very much. It looked to have been abandoned long before The Snap. The emergency communication system was far from functional and any paperwork left behind was irrelevant to what they were searching for. It wasn't discouraging though - it was expected.
Their second stop was in a tiny little town near Lyon. Bucky had only a vague recollection of these sites but as they had gotten further into their research, flash memories seemed to be coming back to him. If he was to be completely honest with himself, he didn't like it. If he could decide to wipe all of those memories from his brain forever, he would. He supposed they could be helpful to this mission - that was a silver lining. But that didn't stop the wandering darkness in the recesses of his mind.
"You alright?" Sam was constantly checking in.
Bucky rolled his eyes as they climbed out of the car, looking down at his phone to double check their coordinates. "I'm fine, Sam."
And that was true. He was fine. But he knew he was teetering on that edge, too. It was cold in Europe and it had started to seep into his bones. Bucky kept on, though. They had to see this through and for some reason, he felt like they were close to something. Any sort of clue would make this whole thing worth it, at least.
They were parked near the remains of an old church site. It was inconspicuous on the edge of town and when Bucky went towards the back of the property, a wealth of memories seemed to flood his mind at once.
He had been here before. The Winter Soldier had been there, at least. Bucky wondered if it was worth revealing that to Sam.
Near a small maintenance shed, Bucky crouched down and found a hatch door that had been grown over and covered over the seasons. He brushed away the snow of the handle and pulled hard, breaking through the remaining locking system.
"Wow. They really had you hiding out in plain sight, huh." Sam crouched down beside him, letting Red Wing into the narrow tunnel before they went any further. His finger swiped across the screen on his wrist, following the drone's patterns. "No heat signatures detected at least. Shall we?"
Bucky grumbled some sort of agreement and climbed down the ladder. Now, he remembered quite distinctly that HYDRA never invested in their real estate. Their finances and resources were saved for the other side of the business - weaponry, experimentation, generally any project that could gain them more power or be sold to the highest bidder. They specialized in quiet, off-the-beaten-path locations for their agents to escape to or crash overnight.
This particular hideout was on the less glamorous side.
Bucky and Sam followed the narrow tunnel downwards and followed a light from Red Wing that took them to the main space of the bunker. The room had a distinct damp, military feel - there was a set of bunk beds falling apart on the far wall and a small computer station set up opposite it. Sam pulled the cord on the overhead light - which somehow still worked.
Once the space was illuminated, they scanned the room.
"Someone was here," Bucky said quietly as he inspected. There were discarded emergency ration cans near the filthy sink in the corner. The expiration dates were within the last year. "In the last twelve months, at least."
"How many people on the outside would know about a place like this?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow. He pushed up his goggles and turned to look at Bucky. "Or how many who might have intel from the inside?"
Bucky let out the air from his lungs. He didn't have a response because he really didn't know. Despite his tenure with the villain organization, Bucky only had his feet on the ground for HYDRA on specific occasions. Extractions, assassinations - missions that were specialized, classified and intended to be very secret. But even with the advanced security of his role, he recalled The Winter Soldier being granted a certain freedom when he was on a mission.
The Winter Soldier followed the rules and got the job done by any means necessary. He had check in protocols he abided by but they otherwise always trusted he would do what he was supposed to. Then, he would return. Over the years, as he worked more and more efficiently, the jobs became more complicated and delicate. His windows of time stretched out, his authorizations evolved, his team dwindled down to one or two extra agents accompanying him to acting entirely on his own.
Bucky's mind was still foggy, though. His recollections of HYDRA often mixed in with the nightmares and he didn't always remember what was real and what was just made up in the hellscape of his mind.
"This place was rarely used. I think he.. I think I crashed here once." Bucky's words hung in the air. "I remember.. Washing my hands clean in that sink." He shook his head and looked away from Sam, praying he wouldn't ask any follow up questions.
Their feet shuffled around in silence for a few more minutes. Sam turned over some books left abandoned on the table while Bucky pulled open a discarded metal filing cabinet. He worked on keeping his breathing and mind steady.
"You think that still works?" Sam motioned his head towards the computer station as he circled the room.
Bucky shrugged. "May as well try it out." He watched as Sam sat and hovered his hands over the keyboard. "I mean, in the worst case scenario it triggers a failsafe where the hard drive corrupts, sizzles into flames and then sets off the internal alarm system in this place."
Sam turned around with wide eyes. "Are you serious, man?"
Bucky smirked and walked over, reaching over Sam and hitting the spacebar on the keyboard. "No. We're in a remote hideout and off their main grid. But if we can get through the system, we might be able to get some old files that were archived here. They didn't like to keep data in one place."
The screens on the computer weren't as archaic as they imagined but the processing power was definitely lacking. There was no password to bypass, luckily. But the entire interface was in French.
"I only took one year of Spanish in high school," Sam muttered out, scanning his eyes quickly as he clicked through some digital folders. "What am I looking for?"
Bucky bent down a bit more, leaning towards the screen to try and interpret some of the filenames. French was one of the languages HYDRA had seared into his brain over the years but it wasn't something he had flexed recently. He pointed to one of the folders. "There. That should be an encrypted location ledger, at least. If we can get it to Alice tonight, she might be able to help us with the coordinates for their cell near Paris."
Bucky grabbed a flash drive that was tucked away in his jacket and plugged it into an updated port outside the main computer tower. "Now, let's see what else is in here."
Steve liked to think he was perfectly capable of staying calm and collected. As he looked in the mirror, adjusting his tie, he had to remind himself to stay focused on his evening ahead with Avery and not obsessively think about what Bucky and Sam were doing on the other side of the world.
Even if they were breaking into an abandoned HYDRA cell outside of Paris in just a few hours.
No, Steve's current role was playing doting boyfriend to Avery at this fundraising event for her department at NYU. He wasn't supposed to worry about Bucky potentially facing a plethora of old memories or Sam choosing to make it a nighttime mission instead of using daylight to their advantage. Steve was constantly reminding himself that he wasn't in charge of this one and that he trusted both Bucky and Sam to make the best decisions as they worked together.
On top of that, he was still reeling from a frustrating phone call earlier, too.
Luckily Avery was proving to be enough of a distraction on her own. She pulled on her heels, clicking her way into the bathroom and leaning on the side of the door frame.
"Can you help me zip this up?" She caught Steve's grin in the mirror, smiling just as wide as he turned and walked towards her. She had spent the afternoon with her cousin - mostly going through Kasey's closet to find something nice to wear for the gala.
Steve's fingertips grazed Avery's shoulders before securing the zipper of the silky maroon fabric. He paused afterwards, indulging in an extra moment or two to admire her backside. "I like this dress."
Avery rolled her eyes though couldn't help but blush as he gazed over her. "It wasn't my first choice but Kase insisted it looked great." Truthfully, Avery was feeling nervous about the entire evening ahead. It didn't matter what she wore - the idea of spending the night talking about her research with all the people with big bank accounts, funding said research, was frightening. She supposed confidence in her work and in herself was half the battle though, so the cocktail dress helped a little bit, at least.
"She's right - you look great. So great, I wish we could just take it off right now and stay home instead." Steve's hands roamed down her back and gripped her hips, pulling her back flush against his chest. She giggled when his hot breath hit her neck and suddenly his lips were exploring and -
"Steeeeve. Don't tempt me into staying. I think my attendance is mandatory." Avery pouted dramatically, though her eyes fluttered shut at his touch. "Sounds like we have something to look forward to when we get home, instead? Maybe we can send something for Buck to wake up to?" Steve nodded to agree, slowly pulling away as Avery turned in front of him. She reached up and brushed off his shoulders, giving him a once over before delivering a sly smile. "God, you're handsome."
Steve could feel his cheeks turning pink as she gazed at him. When Avery stood in front of him like this he was reminded why they were doing this - the investigation, Bucky's secret mission overseas, keeping Avery's participation and knowledge of it at bay. The idea of hurting her with the truth made his heart tighten but at the end of the day, her well being was the most important thing in the world. He hoped that Bucky and Sam would turn up some new information, something really helpful and solid, to help solidify the reason why they were searching. Then, it would be time for a tough conversation.
"You ready?" Avery's voice brought him back to Earth. He followed as she secured her lipstick into her purse and adjusted her heels once more.
Steve nodded, flicking off the light as they headed towards the staircase. His phone buzzed and he fought the urge to check it immediately. It was likely just an update from Bucky about their timeline and Steve figured he'd take a moment to check in when they got to the event. Until then, his focus was on being a perfectly supportive plus one for his girlfriend.
Alice only gave them a tiny bit of difficulty and playful defiance when she got their request to help analyze the data overnight. And when she finally got back to them as they headed into Paris the next day, she had only good news. Well, the jury was still out if they could consider any new information about this entire mess 'good news'. Not only did she have the exact coordinates for the HYDRA cell that was hidden away between Charles De Gaulle airport and Aulnay-Sous-Bois, but she discovered a rough map of an underground pathway from the nearest Paris metro station.
"They terminated the construction for this in the late 80s but it had been fully dug out. It would be a perfect entry point for this cell - you've just got to get yourselves down there and you'll have a back entrance. And frankly, if someone was looking to get in and out of hiding quickly, this would be a good escape route."
It was easy to speculate that if it really had been Jeremy Felix spotted in a busy part of Paris and he was hiding from anyone and everyone then maybe this could all make sense. It could be a quick way to disappear. But it really left more questions to be asked than it did answer any they had.
Bucky hadn't anticipated getting to this point on this leg of their investigation. He figured maybe they'd get some data to take home for some additional strategy with Steve. He didn't think he'd be stalking his way down an abandoned metro tunnel underneath Paris. Once more, Red Wing flew in front of them and illuminated the path ahead.
"So. Feelings check, Buck." Sam tilted his head to the side as they walked, narrowing his gaze at Bucky who, of course, remained stone faced.
"No more checking my feelings, alright? I'm fine." That was mostly true. Really. It was nearly midnight and on the other side of the globe, Avery and Steve were dressed up for that NYU gala event. Steve had just sent a picture and although Bucky had been overjoyed to see their smiling faces, it left him feeling something. Guilty, mostly.
Avery was under the impression Bucky and Sam had just got asked on a short, classified mission following their training schedule. That, and only that, was the reason why their trip had been extended. Meanwhile, they were investigating something that was going to leave an emotional mark on Avery. Bucky understood the circumstances but the guilt remained.
Sam begrudgingly complied and didn't press about Bucky's emotions as their feet slowed down. "I think this is the spot." They turned towards a nearby metal door as Red Wing hovered in front of Sam. "And-" He moved his arm screen to show Bucky. "Would you look at that? We've got a heat signature nearby."
Avery tried her best to go into this whole gala event with an open mind. Of course she was grateful for the swath of heavy pocketed donors who contributed to her department at NYU. In fact, she knew very well her thesis research would have been severely underfunded if it hadn't been for some of these checkbooks. But that didn't stop her social anxiety from doing a slow creep up in the back of her mind. It just seemed that all at once, her ability to defend her research was the most difficult thing in the world.
One silver lining, aside from knowing Steve was nearby to support her in between conversations, was running into Darcy Lewis at the event. Actually, Avery quickly realized Darcy was there as Bruce's date - which was a pleasantly distracting turn of events.
"Bruce didn't tell me he was bringing you. And I sat and complained in the lab to him for hours yesterday!" Avery shared excitedly, though her inability to contain her joy about the possible romantic ties between Bruce and Darcy was failing.
"He's a quiet giant, that one," Darcy replied with a small smirk, taking a sip out of her glass of wine as she shared a laugh with Avery. "I was actually hiding out at his place all day yesterday."
"Stop." Avery's eyes flew open which only caused Darcy to laugh even more. "Maybe I spend too much time complaining to Bruce and not enough time listening." Avery had found a very real mentor in Bruce - he was firm and professional as he supported her through her research and was always especially patient with her, which had been helpful given how tumultuous her last semester was.
"He did tell me your research is pretty great, though."
"Don't tell me your pillow talk involves my cell biology experiments."
Darcy smirked. "Do you really want to know about our pillow talk?"
Across the room, Steve was in the throes of catching up with Bruce himself. Although Steve would have been perfectly happy joining Avery at this event regardless of the guest list, getting a reason to hang out with his old friend was an added bonus. They were tucked away to the side of the room, leaning against a tall cruiser table as they caught up and avoided the rest of the crowds.
"The one downside to being a mentor with these grad students," Bruce lamented with a laugh, using one of his large green hands to adjust the tie around his neck. "This whole asking for more money from the rich folks thing never gets easier."
"Hey, you look great in a suit, big guy," Steve chided, patting his friend on the shoulder. "I see you brought your own date tonight, too." He raised an eyebrow when he looked towards Bruce directly. Was that a flush of red on his friend's cheeks?
"Me and Darce, yeah. That sort of just happened. Not sure what we're doing really but it's nice, whatever it is." Bruce smiled as he looked at Avery and Darcy across the room, in the thick of a conversation he certainly didn't want to know about. "She's doing okay? Avery?"
Steve leaned onto one elbow, using his free hand to scratch his beard. "Yeah. For the time being. I uh.." He paused. "We've worked hard to get to this place again. Me and her and Buck. Feels like we're on the cusp of something else again though. I don't want to weather another storm but.."
Bruce put down his beer bottle and moved his eyes around the room quickly before meeting Steve's. "What? I know that's your 'concerned' face, Steve."
Steve couldn't help but smile for a moment. "Yeah, it is. I got a call from my teaching advisor today, the guy who got me this gig? Someone submitted an anonymous complaint about me dating a student."
It was Bruce raising an eyebrow this time. "But Avery isn't your student. She's in a completely different department and, actually, as a graduate student -
"I know, I know. I cleared all that up. I'm just worried it'll come back to her.. Affect her schooling, somehow. I haven't told her yet but I know she'll be upset. To be fair, I don't need this job. And when he called me, he wanted to ensure he knew how grateful they were for my taking the contract and teaching the class but, well." Steve shrugged one of his shoulders, flagging a nearby waiter to order a drink. "It has the potential to be a bit of a mess."
"You know, we could be walking into a real mess here," Bucky murmured out as he wrenched the metal door open. One heat signature being picked up by Red Wing could be anyone. They had no clue who might be hiding out in this place and truthfully, Bucky didn't always trust that goddamn drone, either. This was clearly a well built and well concealed HYDRA base and they truly had no way of knowing what they were getting themselves into.
"What's the best case scenario?" Sam replied to him, glancing over his shoulder as he climbed the damp stone steps upwards. "We find a displaced, homeless person hiding out."
Bucky didn't reply. That's not what he anticipated they were going to find.
Sam slowed down his footsteps. "Think you've been here before?"
Although he remembered visiting that small hideout they had visited a few days prior, this bigger location in Paris was foreign to Bucky. He shook his head. "The Soldier wasn't exactly a people person. I didn't go anywhere without a purpose."
They navigated down the darkened hallways, listening closely for any additional movements as they moved. Red Wing's mapping evolved the more they explored and only the one heat signature stayed steady. The building they were in was definitely run down - there were signs of what used to be a well run operation, though: office doors, bunks, holding cells, weapon rooms, communication stations.
Sam and Bucky rounded their next corner slowly. As per Red Wing's scan, the room ahead of them was a large, open space. There was enough light to spill out a shadow into the hallway. Sam sucked in a hard breath and waited at the doorway. "Whoever it is, they're just through here."
Bucky nodded, tucking his chin down just slightly and keeping his right hand hovering over the gun concealed on his hip. He took the lead in front of Sam, holding his other arm back to keep a space between them as he walked in.
He took just two slow steps into the room when the end of a gun was staring him in the face. A click sounded out as Bucky turned his head, standing face to face with the owner of that heat signature. Bucky's eyes grew wide as he scanned over the stranger's face.
His hand shook as he held the gun, inching it closer to Bucky's forehead. With a distant French accent, he finally spoke. "You have five seconds to explain why you are here."
"I swear, if I had to spend five more seconds with that man.." Avery groaned as quietly as possible, burying her face into Steve's chest as he just laughed. His thumb brushed against her shoulder as he pressed a kiss onto the crown of her head. He had watched her get stuck into a terribly talkative man across the room nearly half an hour ago and she had only just escaped by excusing herself to the washroom.
"He did seem a tiny bit interested in what my research has been proving, at least," she continued, pulling away from Steve's chest and trying to gain her composure back. "Sorry I've had to leave you alone all night."
"It's okay," Steve replied with a small smile, dragging his fingers down her arm until squeezing her hand and letting go. "I've had plenty of time to chat with Bruce, which felt long overdue. Plus, Victoria stopped by and said hello, too. Besides, I'm just here to support you, sweetheart." He wanted to exclaim how proud he was of her but given the ebbs and flows of her anxious mind so far, he figured maybe he could save the praise for a private moment alone later instead.
Sometimes Avery wondered just where her trust issues stemmed from. They had nothing to do with her relationship, thankfully. But even hearing that Steve's smart, beautiful officemate was at the event made something strange stir in her chest. Avery knew, without a doubt, that Steve loved her and Bucky. That didn't stop her racing mind thinking about this other woman giving any kind of attention to Steve. That was irrational though. So she tried to let those feelings sit for a moment, giving them a tiny moment of her time, then she pushed them far, far away.
Avery squeezed Steve's hand. "Thank you for being here. I do actually have to run to the washroom though, then I think I can make one more set of rounds and sneak out."
Steve smiled. "And how do you feel about a late night snack at Norma's?"
Avery grinned back at him, raising her eyebrows up and down. "You know you can always entice me with pie, Stevie."
Avery gave him one last smile over her shoulder as she hurried to find the nearest washroom. It had really been a long night - although it was a welcome distraction to keep her from thinking about whatever Bucky might be doing on the other side of the ocean. Bucky had been very vague about what this last minute mission involved and if Steve knew the details, he was keeping it close to his chest too. She supposed that was for a good reason, because she hated thinking that Bucky might be in danger.
The washroom was a welcome reprieve from the crowds and after washing her hands and reapplying her lipstick, Avery gave herself a quick mental pep talk, and headed back towards the event. Before making it to the door, she ran into Victoria herself.
Literally ran into her.
Avery gasped when the woman's wine spilled down the front of her dress and they both found themselves in an overlap of apologies.
Victoria sighed, shaking her head as she offered Avery a napkin. "I'm sorry, really. I should have watched where I was walking."
Avery offered her a small smile as she dabbed at the wet spot on her chest. Luckily she had picked a dark dress and Victoria had been sipping white wine. "It's okay. No harm done. I think my night is coming to a close anyway."
Victoria smiled right back - but for some reason, it made Avery's stomach twist. For the first time since meeting this woman, there was a strange air of unease about her. She adjusted her short black dress and ran a hand through her wavy blonde hair, shaking her head just slightly. "I saw you were having a great chat with William Powell. He's a bit of a talker but has a big wallet, apparently."
Avery nodded. She had no intention to continue this conversation but from over Victoria's shoulder, she could see Steve caught up in a conversation with someone else, too. So, Avery pressed on. "He had a lot of great points to make about gene research on a cellular level."
"He spits a bit when he talks though - did you notice that?" Victoria gave her a gentle smirk and Avery relaxed just a touch.
"Yes! That part I did not enjoy." Their conversation carried on as Victoria mentioned a few other people in the room who Avery could chat with. Avery made a mental note of the names but really didn't think she had the energy to keep up with any more pitches to these donors.
"Steve and I were hoping to duck out soon, if I'm being honest," Avery admitted with a shrug, waving at him across the room. He made some gesture and pointed out Bruce and Darcy, presumably to say goodnight.
Victoria nodded, waving her hand to gesture her departure. "Oh, before I go. Are you doing okay with that whole professor/student dating thing? Steve was saying it's a non-issue, given his status and you being in a completely different school and -
"Wait - what?" Avery shook her head a few times as she took in what Victoria was droning on about. "What dating thing?"
Bucky sucked in a breath then exhaled slowly. "Can't say much in five seconds.."
Before the person holding a gun in front of his face had the time to reply or react, Sam was hurrying in behind Bucky. In a flash he put himself between Bucky and the assailant, easily disarming him and kicking the gun across the room.
The third man took a step back, holding up his shaking hands in front of his face. The room was quite dark, illuminated only by a small set of lamps bookending a very old broken couch that seemed to be doubling as a bed.
Bucky held his hand out to keep Sam in place while they looked over at the other man. Bucky drew in a breath as he scanned over him. He was dressed in mismatched layers of tactical gear, looking more like remnants of old military inventory than anything intentionally built for his body. The pants were littered with repaired holes and newly added pockets, buckles and snaps, as if they had evolved over time. His jacket on top had a similar wear and tear evident, with worn elbow patches and -
"I know you," the stranger spoke quietly.
Bucky's gaze finally made it to his face and all he could do was swallow hard, pupils blown wide as he made eye contact with one very normal looking side of a face and another that had certainly seen better days. Red, dark scars spilled out from above his left eyebrow towards his hairline - nothing too fresh but Bucky could only imagine those weren't acquired in any positive way. And his left eye - it circled around on it's own accord, having been replaced by what looked like an artificial implant. Bucky ignored the smattering of questions that were coming to his mind and tried to focus.
"They called you the Asset."
While Bucky could hear it vaguely in his voice, it was his face that truly gave him away. Hidden behind grime and a thick shadow of a beard and those broken eyes, he was nearly certain this man was Jeremy Felix.
"That's not who I am anymore," Bucky replied calmly, staying firmly planted in his position while Sam fell back to look around the room. "But I know you. Or I think I might know your... brother. What's your name?"
The man waved his hands again, taking a step back and starting to turn. He paused when he heard Bucky's hand move towards his own gun. "I.. I don't have any other guns, I swear. I just.." He fished a hand into the pocket of his jacket then turned away.
Sam tilted his head curiously as he looked from the man towards Bucky. When the man turned again, a strange piece of technology was affixed over his damaged eye. A metal piece wrapped around his eyebrow and down towards his cheekbone, with a brace extending back to tuck around his ear. He walked towards the wall and hit the switch, turning on the overhead lights and wincing slightly as he adjusted to the increased brightness of the space. As his eyes leveled out, they steadied. The right eye closed a few times while the left remained still, whirring very quietly as it scanned over Bucky and Sam.
There was a table in the middle of the room that overflowed with boxes and boxes of paperwork mixed in with old technology that had been torn apart and pieced back together. Sam stepped forward and leaned down to look over the documents - a mixture of French, Russian and English files piled on top of each other.
Bucky looked from the man, to the paperwork and around the rest of the room. "Can you tell us who you are? What did they do to you? HYDRA?"
"We just want to help." Sam added in softly, letting out a long breath. "Maybe get you back home."
The man shook his head aggressively, waving his hands in front of his body then towards the paperwork. "I.. don't know. I don't know who I am."
"There you are." Steve smiled as Avery approached, though it quickly turned to a frown as he looked over her stiff features. "What's wrong?"
Avery, who was regrettably holding back tears, shook her head and plastered a smile on her face as she said goodnight to Bruce and Darcy. It was clear she wasn't hiding her mood very well as their friends were very quick to give them space as Avery gripped Steve's hands.
"Avery?" Steve followed along as they made their way towards the coat check. She remained silent as she motioned for him to trade in his little paper ticket. It wasn't until they were bundled in their coats and making their way to the nearby parking garage that she finally spoke up.
"Hey - what is going on?" Steve stopped in front of her when they got to the Jeep. "Talk to me, Ave."
She looked up to him with wide eyes, scrunching up her face in frustration. "Victoria - she said something to me in the hall, about someone reporting you for dating a student?"
Steve just sighed, dragging a hand down his face. "C'mon, get in."
Avery huffed but complied as he opened the door for her. When he climbed in on the other side, he started up the engine and shifted to face her.
"Roby called me earlier this afternoon - when you were in the shower and getting ready. I was going to tell you after tonight. I didn't think it would be a great topic to discuss before this whole event, considering it might have sent you on a -
"A spiral, yeah. That.. that isn't inaccurate." She dropped her face into her hands, letting out a muffled groan. "Sorry for being so aggressive about it, I just.. What does it mean?"
"It doesn't mean anything." Steve sighed again, his head shaking back and forth quickly. "I clarified that yes, I am dating a student. A grad student in a completely different department who I met well before even signing on a contract to teach. It's just.. that's it. There's no official record required to validate our relationship and I made sure it would not come back to you." A small laugh escaped his lips. "In fact, I just threatened to quit and Roby said they'd drop the whole thing."
Avery let out a long breath. She was grateful to have the entire story but it sort of just seemed to open up a thousand more questions. "Why did Victoria know about it?"
"Truthfully, I told her about it earlier tonight. I just needed some advice." Steve reached over and squeezed Avery's knee then put the vehicle in reverse as they headed out of the parking garage. "She thinks it was Cassidy who made the complaint."
"Oh, it definitely was. She has the biggest heart eyes for you."
"The complaint was anonymous. Roby mentioned they have to follow up with every report but sometimes if there is no name attached to the correspondence, it's hard to take it seriously."
"Steve. She's been more hands on than any TA I've seen before - I think you need to file a complaint right back about her."
"I emailed Roby earlier about getting a replacement already. Whether or not it was her doesn't matter at this point. Grandpa just needs someone to help with grading, otherwise I have things figured out."
"You know, it's not fun for me when you make fun of your age."
Steve chuckled at her commentary, feeling a bit more at ease about the entire situation now that Avery knew about it. "Are you okay with all of this? You can tell me how you really feel, you know."
She smiled and leaned back in her chair, extending her hand out to fiddle with the heat settings on the vents. "I'm okay. Selfishly, I'm just glad you didn't have to really involve me in the whole thing. As concerned as I am about your teaching job, I was immediately more worried about something jeopardizing my thesis research."
Steve smiled, too. "Roby assured me multiple times that he didn't even need to know your name. He ended the entire conversation by trying to convince me to do a guest lecture at Northeastern come the spring."
"Well, a road trip up to Boston wouldn't be a terrible idea." She closed her eyes for a second and felt a bit more relaxed. At least the event was over and this little blip on their evening was easily explained. Her racing heart and mind were slowing down, too. She turned her head to gaze over at him. "We're still going for pie, right?"
Steve couldn't help but chuckle. "Of course we are."
Bucky and Sam remained standing as (who they could still only assume was) Jeremy Felix pulled out a chair at the table in the middle of the room. He started to dig through the files, mumbling to himself about looking for something.
Sam exchanged a hard look with Bucky, whose wide eyes communicated his uncertainty. They motioned to each other silently for a few more seconds until Bucky finally walked towards the table, too.
"You said you know who I am. Or who The Asset was. How?" Bucky started slowly. "What did they do to you? We can help you if you let us."
It was clear they needed to pace themselves. Bucky wasn't a stranger to a potentially volatile person - while Jeremy seemed stable enough, his shaking hands and tentative approach indicated there was a chance he could be set off any time. This visit might seem more like an ambush. Maybe he was just killing time as he thought of a plan or -
"You were… always the working example. Of what they wanted to do with us." Jeremy's voice shook as he spoke. "What they could do. They mentioned things they could do differently with us though.. But.." He stopped himself, closing his eyes tight as if there was pain or discomfort. His left hand pressed against the side of his implant for a second. "These doctors were ex-exp-"
"Experimenting." Bucky finished off his sentence, leaning down onto the back of a chair and looking across the table. "They did that to you?"
"They.." Jeremy hesitated, gripping a folder from the bottom of the pile. He looked down at his arm then used his free hand to hug against his torso. "They told me they saved me. I remember a fire and.." He stopped again, pulling the file close to his chest and peering his eyes upward. They darted back and forth between Sam and Bucky.
Bucky knew that look too. He was very familiar with the overwhelming paranoia that crept in with fake freedom. Bucky had watched over his shoulder for a long time. Since the moment he left Steve on that riverbank, even though he didn't know who he was or what he was doing or where he was going - they overarching fear that HYDRA would find him again could be suffocating some days. "I promise you we just want to help. I got away from them, I escaped - you can see that. You can, too. We know who you are. We can take you home and -
Jeremy pushed his chair back and stood up. "Home?" His hands held the file like a vice, narrowing his gaze at Bucky.
Sam stepped in this time. "Yes. Home. I know this is a lot but we want you to trust us. How can we convince you? What do you want to know?"
"M-my name. Tell me. Tell me my name."
Bucky sucked in a breath and nodded. "Your name is Jeremy Felix." When he didn't get a response, Bucky continued. "You grew up in Boston. You.. you have a twin brother and two sisters. You were a pilot for the US Airforce and your plane crashed and -
"No, no. That.. that doesn't make sense. I.." Jeremy shook his head again and again. "There was a fire and.." He stilled once more, closing his eyes again and pressing his palm against his left eye. "You work for them, don't you? You should just tell me. Just tell me the truth!" He dropped the file onto his chair and he started to pace around the space. "I knew it was going to happen - that you'd find me. I shouldn't have hid here - this was.. This was.."
Sam cut off his path, holding a hand out to stop him from moving. "We just want to help you, man. I promise. We have friends who can help you with your memory and that-" He pointed to the metal device on his face. "If you're in pain, let us help."
"I am always in pain. They did that on purpose! You did this on purpose." Jeremy spat his words at Bucky directly.
"Hey." Bucky stood behind Jeremy, dropping a heavy hand on his shoulder. "You have every reason to be angry - at the right people. We want to get you home safely and -
"I don't have a home," Jeremy replied, pulling away from his hand and shuffling sideways. "After everything they did to me - everything I did, where could I go? I didn't want to - they fucked everything up, everything up here." He stomped away, pointing to the front of his forehead.
"There are good people who can help you with all of that," Sam continued, his voice level and calm. He kept his eyes only on Jeremy. "They messed with your mind, man. Who are you is still in there and we can get it back. You don't want to live like this, do you?"
Jeremy stood with his back to them on the other side of the room. His body moved just slightly, up and down with heaving breaths. "I just want to live.. I was trapped in a cold concrete room for so long then one day, I just wished for death. I wanted it all to end. I remember my body disappearing into thin air and all I felt was relief. When I came back, everyone else was gone and - and - and.. I've been trying, damnit. To figure out who I am, who I was." He turned very slowly, eyes still squeezed shut. "Jeremy Felix.."
Bucky could sense his uncertainty from a while away. The way his hands twitched, how his chest held still for long moments. Bucky was familiar because he had been in this position before. It was slowly and carefully creeping towards planning for escape. Fight or flight.
Jeremy shifted his feet, slowly opening his eyes and looking past Sam and Bucky to the door.
Flight.
"Wait!"
Bucky and Sam had both speculated that this facial augmentation on Jeremy's face wasn't the only thing HYDRA had done to him. If they had been using Bucky as an example, was this another instance of failed super soldier serum at work? Or a new successful trial? Were they going to fight him or would it make more sense to just let him go?
Jeremy moved quickly, ducking under Sam's attempt to reach for him and leaping over the side of the couch. He retrieved a packed go-bag from hiding there and quickly strapped it to his back.
"Just let us help you get somewhere safe!" Bucky hurried after him. Jeremy was clearly beyond listening to reason, now. He reached behind his back for what was clearly another concealed weapon, pointing a small pistol in Bucky's direction. "Please. I promise we're on your side."
"No, no. No!" Jeremy's head shook back and forth once more, that familiar painful feeling crossing his face. His hand faltered in position and a growl came from him as he bared his teeth. "Just let me go."
Bucky felt like he had been punched in the gut. Hearing the tremor and pain in Jeremy's voice reminded him of his past self - the one who couldn't trust himself, the one who lived and breathed guilt for so many years. It was like looking through some old mirror. He knew that fear well. He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, focusing on the present instead of pulling himself into that head space. He had to focus.
"I can't.. I can't do that." Bucky responded calmly. "There are people - your family, who would love to see you, to know you're alive."
"I don't know who I am, how can you expect me to be welcomed back into a family of strangers?" He pointed his gun towards Bucky but quickly shifted his hand to where Sam was approaching on his other side. "If.. if you found me, they are going to find me again, too. I stayed here too long - I never should have.." He inched forward and Sam mirrored his position, cutting off his path.
Sam pursed his lips, making a quick sideways glance to Bucky. "Jeremy - who is going to find you? Let us he-
"I don't want your help! Please, just let - me - go!"
Back in Brooklyn, Steve was laying restlessly in bed. It had been a long, distracting night. But when their house grew quiet and Avery was peacefully sleeping beside him, with Alpine curled up against her chest, all he could think about was the lack of updates he had gotten from Bucky and Sam.
Steve had been away from the game for too long - it was normal, before, to go hours or even days without communication from Bucky and Sam while they were on a mission. But this one had been different and he was waiting for something. Anything.
Steve was staring up at the ceiling, into the darkness, fighting off his heavy eyelids when his phone finally buzzed. When he saw a message from Bucky on the screen, he slipped out of bed and hurried to the hallway. By the time he was down the stairs and flicking on the light in the office, his phone was cradled against his ear as he waited for Bucky on the other side.
"Hey, finally. Are you two okay?"
"We found him, Steve."
Steve sucked in a breath. "What happened?" A deep sigh came from Bucky and in the background, Sam was mumbling something, too.
"Well, he shot Sam."
"What? Is he okay?"
Bucky huffed out a long sigh. "Yes, it just grazed his left bicep. Jeremy..he didn't want to hurt us but.. I don't know, Stevie. He has no idea who he is and it sure didn't seem like he wanted our help. He thinks I'm still tied to HYDRA. We're bringing home some files that'll hopefully give us some answers but I have no idea where he's heading to now."
"Hey, this was more than enough to keep going."
"It's more than we expected, even. But how was the gala?"
Steve smiled as he sat on the edge of the couch. He could hear the tired heavy tone of Bucky's voice but he appreciated him checking in about their evening, too. It was a far cry of difference than what Bucky had just ventured through but it was nice he still tried to stay connected.
"It was… a gala. We survived and rewarded ourselves with pie."
"Norma's without me? Wow." Bucky laughed through his yawn. "How's Ave?"
"She's good. We miss you, though." Steve paused, tapping his fingers against the edge of his jaw. "When you get home, we've got to tell her everything."
A/N: ahhh here we are, folks! This took me a while to map out but I can't wait to get into the next few chapters. I am hoping the next one comes out quicker than this - I'm already part way through it. Life has been a bit stressful this summer but this story is a great escape for me, so I'm glad to have you here.
As far as the story goes, the plot is unravelling ahead of us. Coming up, there's a chapter I've been waiting to write since the ending of SMDTM. I know there are a lot of people in play here and maybe we don't know just who to trust and maybe that's okay.
thank you all so much for your patience and for reading! Every view, visit, follow and favorite means the world to me. And your reivews! I love to hear your thoughts and speculations along the way. Thank you to those of you who left reviews on the last chapter: qmione, Katie MacAlpine, babytigerclub15, AndTheSaintsAreAllMadeOfGold, Winchestergurl4life, MissCaitlinSophiee and of course EirlysLavellan.
And of course, a special thank you to my friend EirlysLavellan for letting my borrow and feature her original character Alice in my version of this universe. She's from her story 'As The Sky May Fall' and I can't recommend it enough. I know, I know, I'm a broken record here!
Next up: Avery gets in the ring and, of course, the truth finally comes out.