When Steve finally got home, he found Bucky lounging on the couch in the living room, with Alpine sitting above him on the pillows and Rocky splayed out on the floor. All that was missing from this picture was Avery and that realization dawned on Steve the minute Bucky's face twisted at his arrival.
"Sorry, 'course I'm happy to see you, Stevie," Bucky mumbled out as Steve stripped off his coat then joined him on the couch. "Just thought maybe Ave had come home."
Steve found a warm position against Bucky's chest, resting the weight of his body and soul against the beating of his boyfriend's heart. "I know, Buck."
"You haven't heard from her?" Of course the three of them favoured one text conversation but it was worth asking anyway. Maybe she had reached out to one of them instead of the other, although it was clear her feelings were being directed towards both of them.
"Radio silence," Steve answered, doing a much less convincing job hiding his disappointment.
Bucky hummed. "Well, I guess we just keep waiting then. Kasey said she checked in with her, at least." He ran his hand through Steve's hair, scratching at the base of his neck. "Get all your grading done?"
"Mostly. I ended up going for a drink with Victoria." Over time, Steve had become an expert at reading Bucky's body language. So when he felt Bucky stiffen, even just slightly, Steve pushed himself up to meet Bucky's gaze. "Hey."
Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat, continuing to weave his fingers across Steve's hair. "Yeah?"
"Tell me what's on your mind, Buck."
"How would you feel if Ave so casually dropped on us she had gone for dinner with an attractive colleague after class?" Bucky smirked, though it certainly felt forced. "Can't blame me for feeling defensive and -
"Protective?" Steve squeezed Bucky's sides before dropping his head down again.
"I would never question your loyalty to us, Stevie. Or Avery's. And I hope you two would feel the same about me. But you've gotta understand why I hesitate when it comes to outside forces preying in on my people." Bucky's hands moved to stroke up and down Steve's back now, drawing slow circles against the soft fabric of his sweater.
"Preying is a choice word," Steve laughed. "It's harmless."
"Keep in mind the only reason I didn't do a background check on her is because I didn't do it for that Travis guy either," Bucky locked his hands behind Steve's back and leaned down to plant a kiss on his head. "But it's not off the table."
There had been questionable people in their life before. Both Bucky and Steve would love to think that the world was a safe, protected place now that the worst of things was beyond them. But to think that was the truth would just be ignorant. The balance between the questionable things in their life was delicate - it was senseless to walk around assuming the best in people always but sometimes that was easier, lighter.
Steve would not be the type to spill his heart out to a stranger or an officemate. Of course not. But what was the harm in developing a friendship with his colleague?
"I trust your instincts, Stevie." Bucky continued on and broke Steve from his thoughts. "Of course I do. But given what is going on with Avery, I guess I'm just extra nervous about us - all of us."
Steve shuffled upwards slightly, burying his face into the crook of Bucky's neck. His mouth explored there for a few moments then he rested, taking in the sandalwood musk that radiated off his boyfriend. "Not gonna argue about your feelings. But I love you and Avery. And I am right here, right now - exactly where I need to be. So maybe we should just order a pizza and catch up on the next episode of that documentary series you've been watching?"
The pizza and Netflix served to be a perfect distraction. If both Bucky and Steve focused too hard, they might be reminded that Avery was somewhere else and choosing not to communicate with them. But instead, they could simply pretend perhaps she was upstairs studying or stuck at the lab with Bruce instead.
Eventually, they drew away from each other - Bucky went down to their home gym to let out some of his residual frustrations while Steve continued working in the office. It was enough to keep their hands and minds busy for the rest of the night.
Though when they were heading to bed much later, the quiet absence of their third partner grew louder and louder. One night without Avery in their bed had been hard enough but neither of them could even will themselves to change into pajamas without admitting defeat for another night without her.
Bucky nearly choked on his toothbrush when he heard Steve's phone ringing down the hall, followed by a rush of footsteps greeting him in the bathroom. An unfamiliar voice sounded out over the speaker when Steve answered.
"Avery?"
"Uhm, hi. This is Crystal on Avery's phone. Not sure you guys 'member me but.. Oh my god, stop. One sec - - - yes, that's her sandwich. Avery, sit down and -
"Crystal? Where are you?" Steve mustered all his strength to keep from escalating his volume as he tried to pull her focus back. "Is Avery okay?"
"Oh, she's fine I think. Her hand is bleeding but .. Avery Ray, sit. God. I think.."
Crystal's voice grew further away from the phone, muffled by some movement and some extra background noise.
"Sorry. K, We're at The Hideaway, like right nearby.. Sorta got kicked out - s'much as she might wanna sleep on my couch again, I think she'd be better off home with you'two."
Bucky dropped his toothbrush and moved closer to the phone. "Just stay where you are - we're on our way now."
"Yeah, sounds'good. Did either of you wannasanwich? This sign says best meatball subs in New York which isa bold claim.."
Crystal hadn't even started to get ready for their evening ahead but she was quick to crack open the bottle of wine when Avery returned to her apartment. They were camped out in her bedroom going through outfits from her closet - deep in the closet. Crystal admitted she hadn't been out in a long time and figured it was a safe opportunity for her and Avery to revisit their past life.
Avery sat cross legged against the headboard, swirling the glass of wine in her hand. A swath of fabric landed ahead of her and she cast her gaze up towards Crystal.
"Are you sure you're okay? You know, we can just stay in," Crystal asked with a soft smile, leaning against the doorway of her closet. "I know we aren't close anymore but I am a good listener, if you recall."
Avery smiled back. "I know. I'm just… there's a lot going on in my head."
"You haven't mentioned them at all to me so I can only guess whatever lead you here involves Bucky and Steve," Crystal continued. "And I'm not asking you to tell me but I just want to, I don't know, ask one thing. Whatever it is that happened: it's big?"
Avery hesitated. "Uhm, well, the Big Thing - it's not their fault. I'm just unhappy with the delivery of the news about the Big Thing. Which sounds a bit absurd to say out loud."
"Nope, it doesn't. You're allowed to have feelings, Ave." Crystal moved from her closet and dropped down on the bed. "But this Big Thing, whatever it is, is it a deal breaker?"
Avery didn't even have to think about that one. "God no. Of course not. Everything else… I can't imagine my life without them now. They'd never.."
Bucky and Steve would never hurt her. She knew that and felt it with every fiber of her being. Her feelings were not to be dismissed of course - the information they had delivered to her was far from inconsequential and the fact that they had kept it from her for so long really hurt. But it was up to her to decide if her anger would last for a long time or not. Given all they had gone through up until now, was this instance of secrecy worth derailing their relationship?
No.
Avery laughed to herself. The weight of it all seemed to lift and she took a big sip of her wine. "Okay, I promise I'll focus on this and the here and now. Outside of this Big Thing, there is one annoying thing in our relationship I could use your unbiased opinion on. Steve has been teaching at NYU and he had this nosey teaching assistant, who, well, she's been removed from his life now. But he also has this woman who shares his office…"
Avery couldn't quite remember the last time she really had a night out. Definitely in the Before Snap timeline of her life. Squeezing into a skintight black dress from Crystal's closet helped her find the right headspace at least. Well, that and the bottle of wine she had consumed while they got ready.
Dancing around each other in Crystal's bathroom, playing an embarrassing early 2010s playlist and trading advice about makeup and hairstyle choices - that truly sent both Avery and her old friend into a time machine. By the time Avery found herself strapping on a pair of heels, if she closed her eyes, she could transport herself back to college, to the old days, to a time when she had a fake ID that got her into any establishment in the Lower East Side and enough extra cash from tutoring to pay for the cab ride home at 3AM.
"Do you remember that night we got kicked out of Essex?" Crystal called back towards Avery as she dragged her down the steps into their first stop on the reunion tour. "When I was dating that MLB player?"
"Oh come on. He was not in the MLB!" Avery laughed in return, shuffling up beside Crystal as they headed towards the bar. On the far side of the seedy venue a DJ was rotating through house music as the crowd filled in the space. Suddenly, Avery really regretted skipping a day of her medication - her heart rate was rising and the music was already way too loud. Focus.
"He told me he was going to play for The Mets," Crystal replied with a shrug, pushing herself halfway onto the bar to order drinks for them. She shouted across the countertop and moved her hands quickly as she motioned to the bartender. Avery just watched with wide eyes.
"He was a liar!" Avery's eyes flew open when Crystal presented her purchases - two cocktail glasses accompanied by a double line up of shots for both of them. "You're really committing, huh?"
"This is a one in a million opportunity, Avery Ray," Crystal shoved one of the shot glasses into Avery's hand, pausing to hold her steady. "Claire's mother does not get to drink, like, ever."
"To Clarie's mother!" Avery raised her glass with a grin, praying to whomever was listening that she seemed sincere and motivated to get through the rest of the night. If she didn't, Crystal didn't call her on it, at least. Once the shots were consumed, they moved into the crowd of dancers and let go.
Well, they tried to, at least. Crystal seemed to loosen up quickly and Avery did her best to catch up. By the time the shots and her cocktail caught up to her, the spinning room and loud music was a tiny bit more tolerable. It was hit and miss when she used to go out - would her anxiety spike and send her into a spiral or would the alcohol keep her demons at bay? So far, they seemed to keep their distance.
The one thing that failed to stay at a distance though was the surplus of eager people on the dancefloor. Avery used to love a good old fashioned girls night - to dance and sing and drink and giggle with her friends. She definitely didn't miss the all too eager males trying to press up against her to the beat of the music.
She suddenly really missed her boys. The only people who should be putting any hands on her were at home in Brooklyn and it hit her all at once. Luckily, Crystal could read her cues well enough still and the next thing Avery knew they were leaving and heading outside to grab a cab. Avery sort of wanted to just call it a night but she could see how much Crystal was enjoying herself, so she was hard pressed to end it at that moment.
Avery tipped her head onto Crystal's shoulder as the car guided them to their next location. Avery felt her eyes struggling to focus more and more, even as she squinted at Crystal's cellphone over her friend's shoulder.
"Who are you texting? Your boooooyfriend?" Avery's singsong tone was enough to startle Crystal, who quickly turned off her phone screen. "Oh, come on, Crys. You can't even tell me his name?"
"Nope," Crystal turned and giggled, lifting a finger to gently tap Avery's nose.
"Booooo. I guess everyone likes to keep secrets," Avery scoffed. "Nash also wouldn't tell me who his new girlfriend was, which, like, rude. I just wanted to creep her on Insta, that's not a big deal. Is your guy on social media? I should vet him. "
Crystal sucked in a breath. "Well, some people like to keep things private. You don't know anything about, uh, Nash's mystery girl?"
"He's been out of state for a while so I try not to bring it up," Avery shrugged, yanking on the door handle as they arrived at the next bar. "But he seems happy. It's gross."
Crystal looped her arm with Avery's once they were outside, trying not to stumble along as they got in line for The Hideaway. "Let him be happy, silly. It's good for him."
"Yeah, yeah. You guy seems good for you too, silly." Avery shook her head, gazing down at the line ahead of them. She forced herself to try and run in place for a few seconds to try and regain some feeling in her legs again. "Okay, I thought I was drunk enough but maybe not. Let's.. tequila when we get inside, okay?"
Although the drive to the Lower East Side didn't take them long, finding somewhere to park the Jeep proved a lot more frustrating than Steve anticipated. He let out a grateful series of curse words when they finally came across an available spot about half a block away from the bar Crystal had called them from.
Bucky stopped himself from damn near running once they were on the sidewalk. A gentle hand on his shoulder from Steve kept his mind firmly planted in the present. A follow up message from Avery's phone, likely sent by Crystal, indicated they were huddling inside a late night sandwich shop across from the club.
"Here," Bucky muttered as his feet slowed down, glancing through the front window of the shop. Inside he could see Avery slouched down in a chair, back leaning against the wall as her head lolled to the side. Crystal was crouched in front of her, rubbing a hand across Avery's knee and talking to her.
Steve sighed and pulled open the door, following Bucky in and rushing over to the girls. When they got closer, they could see Avery clutching a large pile of paper towels in her left hand, a red splotch of blood soaking through. Her right hand had a loose grip on what looked like a paper wrapped sandwich.
"Hey," Crystal greeted them both with an awkward wave, pushing herself to stand up. She immediately steadied herself with another chair. Bucky gave her a once over to make sure she was okay but he quickly realized this was a case of one drunk friend taking care of the more intoxicated friend. The blind leading the blind…
"Avery, sweetheart," Steve said calmly, replacing Crystal in the position in front of her. He reached a hand up to very gently grab her chin, claiming her focus. "Can you open your eyes?"
Avery did as he requested, though she dropped the sandwich and raised her non-bleeding hand to hold onto his wrist in front of her face. "Mad a'you but wanna go home..."
That's all Steve wanted to hear. He let go of her chin and moved to squeeze her hand before he stood again. "Okay but first, how bad is that cut?" She raised her hand slowly and let Steve pull away the paper towel. "At least the bleeding stopped." He let out a long breath - it could wait until they got home to be cleaned.
"No jackets?" Bucky looked from Avery to Crystal, realizing they were both wearing short black dresses.
Crystal offered a sheepish smile. "Didn't wanna worry about coat check."
Bucky resisted rolling his eyes as he shrugged out of his own jacket and draped it over Crystal's shoulders. Steve did the same before extending his hand to help Avery stand. Her legs wobbled before she nearly fell backwards again.
Bucky shifted forward and scooped Avery into his arms before Steve could hesitate or she could argue. Steve did his best to wrap his jacket around her before they headed out. Avery mumbled about her abandoned sandwich as she leaned her head against Bucky's chest.
Crystal mumbled about hailing a cab but Steve didn't let her even try to argue that as they walked back to the Jeep. Once they got into the vehicle, Bucky tucked Avery into the backseat and slid in beside her while Crystal climbed into the front.
As they moved into traffic, Crystal told the entire story about why they had gotten kicked out. "I couldn't believe it - she practically threw the dude across the bar."
"He was harassin' tha'girl," Avery defended herself, immediately leaning into Bucky as she tugged Steve's jacket against her frame. "She said no a buncha times so.." Her hand waved around with a limp wrist. "Whatever. He'd be dumb ta'press charges."
Bucky was resisting laughing from his position. He caught Steve's sideways glance in the rearview mirror, whose reaction echoed his own.
Avery groaned and closed her eyes. "If I didn't smash that glass in myhand they mighta let us stay inside.."
"Whatever, that bouncer was a dick," Crystal added as she turned to look at Steve. "I tried to pace her though, I swear. Went a little fast on the tequila and now -
Avery scoffed. "Funny - comin' from the girl who ordered tha' last few shots an' -
"You didn't turn them down, Avery Ray," Crystal laughed, shifting in her chair to look back at her friend. "And when I suggested pizza -
"Oh my god, I would love pizza now - Stevie, can we please stop at Homeslice.. wait, what happened to mysandwich.." Avery trailed off, taking a breath and letting it out just as slowly.
"Not sure your stomach can handle pizza, doll," Bucky said as she shifted against his side. "Please don't puke in the Jeep. Stevie just had it cleaned."
"Not gonna puke," she defended herself. "Empty stomach, lost my sandwich.." The girls continued to chat about nothing as Steve navigated to the Upper West Side. When they approached Crystal's building, Avery thrust herself forward to try and hug her friend goodbye between the seats. Steve hurried out of the Jeep to walk Crystal to the door, where she handed back Bucky's coat and for some reason pulled Steve into a hug to say thank you.
When Steve returned to the driver's seat, he looked over his shoulder to see Avery practically horizontal across Bucky in the back. Steve watched as Bucky ran his fingers through her hair, his gaze moving slowly from looking down at her to looking back up at Steve.
They both sat in the moment. Though the past 24 hours had been uncomfortable, they both felt better knowing Avery was right there. Of course, their minds were racing to fill in the gaps of her last few days, to try and understand just how it had led to the drunkest version of Avery they had seen in years.
Steve supposed there was something to be said about a controlled form of self-destruction. Like how Bucky had spent his evening tearing down the punching bag out of frustration or how to delay going to bed, Steve himself had jumped head first into writing a new lecture for his class. It appeared they had all decided to distract themselves before facing their next conversation. And now, given the inebriated state of their girlfriend, they had at least another twelve hours to wait before they could address everything.
"You're doin' that thing, aren'tyou," Avery muttered out, moving her head to open up one eye to look towards Steve. "You two love ta'talk without words."
Bucky's hand swept across her forehead. "Let's go home, Stevie." For the rest of the drive, Avery mostly mumbled about her night out with Crystal and the places they visited and the people they had run into. It was mostly nonsensical and by the time they made it back to their neighbourhood, she was practically asleep in Bucky's lap. When he urged her to sit up, she just whined about wanting to sleep. The next thing she knew, Bucky had very gently dragged her out of the backseat and was helping her up the front steps and into the house.
Getting Avery all the way upstairs presented an entirely different challenge. Her exhaustion had caught up to her, practically collapsing onto the floor as she greeted Rocky.
"Rocky, my big boyyyy," she sang to him with slurred words, capturing him in a hug. "Let's go ta'bed."
"Sweetheart, I've gotta clean out that cut first," Bucky said as he reached down to help her out. When she resisted and whined, Bucky simply threw her over his shoulder and made his way to the stairs.
Avery's arms hung down behind him. "Mean."
Bucky climbed to their big bathroom on the top floor and sat her down on the closed toilet seat. As he looked through their medicine cabinet for supplies, Steve walked through the door with a glass of ginger ale in one hand and a plate displaying a piece of toast in the other. He left them beside her on the bathroom counter then stepped back, leaning against the edge of the bathtub.
"So," Avery winced as Bucky wiped her hand, trying to be as gentle as possible. Once the dried blood was cleaned away, he got a better look at the gash. "Wanna hear 'bout mynight?"
Steve raised his eyebrows, folding his arms over his chest as he watched his partners across the room. "How about your last 24 hours?"
"Well," she closed her eyes. "Fuck." Though she tried to pull her hand away, Bucky continued on. He was past the antiseptic wash at least. "Well," Avery started again. "Last night my boyfriends ambushed me with something so absolutely crazy that I just.." She tipped her head up and looked from Bucky, who was staring intently at her hand, towards Steve.
Steve watched her closely as he listened. The pain she tried to hide slipped past her walls now - her eyes gave her away. Try as he might to remain stoic, he just couldn't ignore the hurt in her voice.
"So I ran an' hid." She closed her eyes now, tucking her head down. "Re-met my old friend Crystal and her daughter - who got her dad's beautiful cheekbones." She rambled on a bit more still, even after Bucky had sutured her cut with some temporary stitches and put the glass of ginger ale in her hand. He remained sitting in front of her on his knees, watching as she talked.
Eventually she trailed off and the three of them were just sitting there in silence. Avery did pick at the plain buttered toast Steve had provided.
"Avery," Bucky started slowly. "You know we're —
"I wanna go to bed," she quickly cut him off, mouth full of toast. "Alone. But not without both of you." She pushed herself to stand, avoiding looking at either of them.
"How does that work?" Bucky called after her, watching as she headed towards the bedroom. When they caught up, her dress was discarded on the floor. Inside the closet, she was pulling out clothes from cabinet drawers as she searched for something to wear.
The boys shuffled out of the way when she emerged, dressed in only a big oversized sweatshirt and underwear. She crawled up onto the bed and claimed the spot in the middle, sinking her face into the pile of pillows.
"Ave, we can sleep downstairs if you'd like," Steve inched his way towards her.
"I would not like," she mumbled back.
Bucky raised an eyebrow and glanced at Steve before replying. "But you want to be alone?"
"Uh huh."
"So we should -
Her voice grew quieter and quieter. "Just come ta'bed with me, please."
Steve let out a breath and shrugged. "Okay." Bucky took the spot on Avery's left while Steve took the other, flicking off the lamp and pulling the blankets up across them all. They laid there for a while, as the house quietly creaked. Across the room, Rocky walked in and flopped down into his bed near the window.
Bucky assumed Avery had already fallen asleep - but when he heard her breath hitch, he didn't even have time to think before she shifted on the bed and latched herself to his torso. She was sobbing.
As she buried her head against Bucky, her hand reached over to find Steve, too. With a fist full of his shirt in her grasp, Steve shuffled over to wrap his arm around both her and Bucky.
"Ave, it's okay," Bucky whispered against the crown of her head. "You're okay."
"I just.." She was hiccuping now, desperately trying and failing to form a complete sentence. What was she even trying to say? An apology? An explanation? Begging for an answer or to ask more questions? It felt like an eruption of everything that had coursed through her mind over the last two days. Still now, not a lot made sense. But this did, at least. Being sandwiched between Bucky and Steve on their bed, touching, feeling - all of it. It made sense. At least she had that.
Steve's hand splayed out against her back, pressing soothing circles in an attempt to calm her down. "We're right here, sweetheart."
When she cracked her eyes open the next morning, Avery immediately closed them again. The bright light streaming in from the far windows was a nice reminder that, yes, she lived through her night out and everything that followed. But god, she felt like death. On the one hand, she had been granted one of those good drunk sleeps where she woke up in the exact same position she had passed out in.
On the other hand, her head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds.
And her hand, fuck. Very slowly she rolled onto her back and closed the fist of her left hand. When she peaked one eye open, she realized the throbbing feeling originated in a gash on the heel of her palm.
Right. She had smashed that glass after throwing that guy and.. had she cried to Crystal? She didn't remember calling Bucky or Steve but clearly Crystal must have and…
Bucky and Steve. Crying herself to sleep between them…
Bucky and Steve.
Avery opened both her eyes now and dropped her hand onto the bed beside her - empty. Well, not entirely. As her fingers brushed against the sheets, Alpine made her presence known. Two tiny paws battled against Avery's hand.
When Avery closed her eyes again, she could hear the tail end of someone finishing up their shower - water stopping, the door opening, feet hitting the tile floor. Then as if they were somehow synced up, the other missing person's footsteps were climbing the stairs to the top floor.
Avery's eyes moved to the door when she heard Steve walk in and she did her best to smile when she saw him balancing three coffee mugs in his hands. He looked so comfortable like this - his Saturday morning casual look, in plain grey sweats, a white t-shirt and a cable knit cardigan. She suddenly had a very real desire to cuddle up against him.
"Morning," Steve said with a tight smile, walking to the opposite side of the bed to place the coffees on the small table. "How're you feeling?"
Like a strange sense of deja vu, Steve pulled out a bottle of Avery's daily medication from his pocket alongside a protein bar. A soft smile crossed Avery's lips as she took them from him.
"I feel terrible," she muttered out in response, shifting slightly to look at Steve as he sat up against the headboard. "I used to be good at hangovers."
Bucky made his way back to the bedroom just in time to hear that comment. "Hah. Must have been in the BS era." He took his towel clad self into the closet and came out a few moments later in just a pair of black joggers, towel draped over his shoulders. He grabbed his mug from the table then moved to sit in the corner armchair.
Avery groaned once more and pulled the blankets up over her head. How were they going to start this conversation?
"So," Bucky started, meeting eyes with Steve. "You really threw some guy across the bar?"
Avery pulled down the blankets just enough to look at him. That handsome devil, he was looking at her with pride. "I know I should restrain myself from outrageous feats of strength but he had his hands all over this girl who was clearly trapped in a really bad situation. I didn't really think it through."
Bucky just smiled and waved his hand. "It's very Steve Rogers of you."
Steve pointed a finger in Bucky's direction. "Right. And you would have just knocked the guy out. That's not very different."
"I might have done that too if the bouncer didn't intervene and stop me from charging at the guy," Avery added with a shrug, finally shifting to sit up against the head frame beside Steve. He extended the last mug of coffee to her. "So." She scrunched up her face, filling her lungs and letting out a slow exhale in an attempt to focus her thoughts. "I guess we need to just get into it then. Uh. So, uhm - my brother is alive, huh? Jeremy. Jeremy is alive. That's, uhm, a sentence I never thought I would say out loud ever again." She closed her eyes for another beat then sighed. "Can you start at the beginning, please?"
Steve let Avery guide the entire conversation. But he did just as she requested - he started from that first meeting he and Sam had in the fall. And when she got frustrated again about the whole thing, Bucky suggested moving the conversation downstairs so he could make her a breakfast sandwich to cure her hangover. And maybe give her a minute to breathe.
Once Avery was seated on one of the stools, Steve presented his case from the other side of the island.
"Ave, I never wanted to hide this from you to hurt you or keep you in the dark. I just couldn't.. I couldn't stomach telling you some empty truth. Bucky was gone, you were struggling - well, we both were. The last thing I wanted to do was throw all of this about Jeremy at you."
"I could have handled it," Avery replied quickly. Though, it was clear she might not trust that to be true. "Maybe. I don't know." After her elbow surgery, Avery struggled a lot. Between school and physical therapy and Bucky's absence, there were days when she just stayed in bed all day when everything else got to be too much.
Would she have been able to accept this Jeremy thing then?
Steve uncrossed his arms and leaned on the island, making himself small enough to meet her eye line. "I didn't think it would have been fair to unload all of this on you until we had concrete proof - something real and tangible that proved it could be true. I couldn't, in good conscience, tell you something that might not end up being true. I know that might be hard to understand and maybe, looking back, I could have done something differently, but I stand by those choices."
"I really, really don't like the idea of you both hiding any of this from me. Even for good reason. And I see your point of view here, Steve, I do. Really. I just.." Avery pressed her face into her hands, stretching out her cheeks and shaking her head. "You know, this is hard work. Three people. We never mean for it to happen but sometimes things end up being two on one, you know?"
To describe it as being left out felt so trivial. But in all fairness, that wasn't incorrect. Avery knew this didn't just happen to her, either.
Bucky felt like an outsider when he came back from Wakanda. It had taken a long time for them to figure things out again. And though Steve hadn't brought it up in a long time, in the beginning of their relationship, he often felt like he lifted out of their triad.
They worked hard at focusing on communication and knowing each other for this exact reason. They were better in this thing together - all three of them. Avery knew this was her decision though - if she was mad enough for this to really, truly matter. If this lack of transparency would turn into a foundational crack. And deep down, she didn't want that. Five hours from that moment, she might still be mad. In five days, the anger wouldn't feel as raw. In five weeks, maybe her brother could be back in her life and in five months this would all be part of the past.
"Ave," Bucky spoke up as he turned away from the stove. "The last thing we're gonna do is tell you that you shouldn't be mad or upset about this. But we never, ever want you to feel like you're on the outside. This was.. a circumstance we weren't really ready for."
Steve sighed and reluctantly slid into the stool beside Avery. "And, for what it's worth, I only looped Bucky in a few weeks ago, right before his training trip overseas."
Avery sighed, too. She wasn't sure if that should be worth anything at all. She could only guess that things might have been handled differently if Bucky had been present in their lives during those fall months. But Steve pushing the blame onto himself, trying to lessen some of her feelings towards Bucky - that wasn't surprising at all.
"I just need to say this out loud for everyone's sake but I know neither of you meant to hurt me, I know that. But it still feels.. I don't know how to explain it or even if I can.." She trailed off, focusing her eyes on the plate Bucky was bringing towards her now. A hot, greasy bacon and egg sandwich perfect to cure a hangover and make her feel a tiny bit better, hopefully. Silence filled the air again as she took a bite then swallowed, turning to look at Steve. "Can you just keep going?"
Bucky worked to make a few more sandwiches while Steve carried on. He covered everything - about the research he and Sam started with Alice and Clint, the file Sam acquired from his contact in the US Airforce, sharing everything with Bucky, planning the investigation through Europe.
When it came down to their adventure in Paris, Bucky took over. He planted his feet and leaned against the island, giving Avery an honest smile as she listened. She hadn't said much else as they both spoke. It was as if she was just trying to keep up and make mental notes, to take in all the information they were telling her like it was the most valuable currency on earth.
"Wait." Avery finally spoke up when Bucky started explaining more about how their interaction with Jeremy had ended at the Paris HYDRA cell. "Why would he run? If you just wanted to help him."
Bucky's eyes flicked from Steve back to Avery, raising his left shoulder in a shrug. "We don't know, really. We can speculate but I can only guess it comes down to mistrust in, well, anyone. He doesn't know who he is - how is he supposed to know that we only want to help?"
Steve nodded, thinking back to the footage from their altercation. "He was pretty disoriented by the end of it, confused."
Avery snapped her head to look at Steve again. "Can you show me the video?"
"Of course." Steve moved from his seat and retrieved his laptop from the dining table, loading up the video file. Red Wing had hovered through their whole exploration of the space, including the recording the fight Sam and Bucky had with Jeremy.
"Ave," Bucky held up his hand before Steve pressed play. "You need to understand this version of your brother might not be what you remember."
"I know," she whispered, letting out a long breath before nodding her head. "Just show me."
Seeing a still capture from the video had been jarring enough but now, as Avery heard her brother arguing and shouting with Sam and Bucky, it felt like emotional whiplash. She couldn't remember the last time she heard his voice. Jeremy had called her before Thanksgiving break the year he died - she had only talked to him for a few minutes because she was running late. His tour was nearly over and she knew they would have had plenty of time to catch up over Christmas break instead.
Up until this moment, this very clear capture of Jeremy that she was watching with her own eyes - a tiny part of her thought this whole thing might have all been a severe misunderstanding. Even if all the facts aligned, she still held a shred of doubt about if this could be real. But when she heard her brother's voice, she couldn't stop the tight feeling in her chest.
It was real.
The perspective of the camera showed a wide angle of the entire room - her eyes followed his pacing, how he moved erratically. The tensity in his body grew more and more as their confrontation continued on. By the time he was begging to leave, Avery's lip couldn't stop quivering. And when he fired the gun at them, clipping Sam's arm in the process before running from the room, she closed her eyes.
What had become of her brother?
She watched the entire clip once more before any of them spoke again. When she went to restart the video for a third time, Bucky closed the laptop.
"Sweetheart," Steve's voice sounded softly beside her, extending his arm over her shoulders so she could fall against his side. Her entire body was shaking. "Please talk to us."
"What happened to him? Why did they do this? Why him" She shook her head. "And where did he go?"
Bucky surged forward and grabbed her closest hand, cradling it in his. "Those are good questions. We don't have a lot of answers for all of it yet."
"He said he's in pain - is it because of that thing on his face? And what happened to everyone else? How are we going to find him? Doesn't he.. Why doesn't he want to come home?" As if a realization finally hit her, she gasped. "How do I tell Nash? Or my dad and Lora? What are we supposed to do?" Like a freight train without breaks, her thoughts powered ahead full speed. "Where do you think he went? Is he safe? It's the middle of winter and I can't imagine Europe is any warmer than here. Did he have a good jacket with him? Oh my god, Nash is going to lose it. What if he doesn't believe me? Maybe I should.."
She didn't even realize how her breathing had picked up, how each thought seemed to be taking up more and more energy to pour out of her. Her free hand reached up towards her chest to grab her pendant and -
"Oh my god, my necklace. I left it at the apartment the other night! What if -
"Avery, hey. Slow down. Take a deep breath, okay? Look at me." Steve stood up, pushing back her stool just enough to slot himself in between her legs. His hands moved up and down her arms, slow and warm in an attempt to soothe her. "We've got a lot of next steps to figure out and it won't happen all at once. Just breathe." His hands stopped moving at the top of her shoulders, pressing down just enough to apply pressure and ground her. "You're okay."
With her eyes shut tight, Avery listened to Steve's instructions and regulated her own breathing. A few moments later, she felt Bucky's hands moving near the back of her neck. He brushed her hair aside and returned her necklace, dropping the pendant against her chest. Before he moved away, his lips pressed against the side of her neck, too.
"We have a few ideas about what to do now but we don't need you stressin' over all of that," Bucky spoke quietly, kissing the top of her head. "We're making a plan to narrow down where he might have headed, who he might be looking for or hiding from. It's not as easy as jumpin' across the ocean and knocking on doors."
"Okay, yeah.. Okay. Right. That makes sense. I guess I'm getting ahead of myself here," Avery replied with a nod, closing her eyes and taking another deep breath. "I just want to know everything from now on. I think that is a fair request."
"Of course," Steve nodded too. "A new set of eyes will probably help us, too."
Bucky agreed with a hum. "Now. I think after all of this, we should be capitalizing on this warm day."
A faint smile grew on Avery's face as she turned to look at Bucky. "Warm? It's like 20 degrees, Buck."
"It's a relative term, doll. What say we take Rocky to the park?"
The fresh air, as it turned out, seemed to be exactly what they all needed, Rocky included. Bundled up in their best winter gear, all three of them headed out with Rocky in the lead, breathing in the scent of winter and snowfall. The crisp feeling in the air and the warm sun counter acted the underlying chill and once they got beyond the fence at the schoolyard up the block, Rocky took off running and all three of his humans joined in on the fun too.
Avery tried her best to focus on the present. Because everything else was still overwhelming. If she thought about it too much, an unwavering panic was bound to unravel within her. Deep in her bones where the chill settled in, an uncertainty lingered and swarmed around her heart. She swatted away the worst of the thoughts - the worst case scenarios, the what ifs that might just lead to more pain for her dad and siblings.
No, she had to focus on the present. On the barking from Rocky and the boisterous laughter that came from her boys as they kicked up snow at one another. It was the present anchoring her to the possibility of something good coming soon, something impossible becoming possible. Second chances, a new opportunity in this lifetime for her brother, creating a happy ending to replace the clouds of sorrow in her family.
If she didn't have that hope and that sliver of possibility, she was going to lose herself again. And given what she had found in the last few years - Bucky and Steve and their whole life together - she knew losing any part of herself wasn't an option. They were going to solve this, they were going to find her brother. And they were going to do it together.
After their visit to the park, Avery had another big mug of coffee as she forced herself to complete some lab reporting. She wanted to go uptown to Steve's old apartment, to see all the files again, to jump into everything related to Jeremy.
That seemed like the most logical thing to her. And when she stressed that to Bucky and Steve, they countered with reason: that there wasn't very much they could do until they discovered their next lead on his location. Alice had an algorithm working on face detection in CCTV cameras across Europe. They needed to present the entire case to more powerful people next - Steve had arranged a special meeting with Rhodey next week.
Avery knew, realistically, she couldn't just jump on a plane to Europe and track down someone who had become an expert at hiding over the years. It just felt useless to sit and not do anything. So, she tried to put her energy into her schoolwork and ignored her frustrations.
The boys puttered around the house although she was consciously aware they were staying in her orbit. For a while Bucky planted himself on the couch in the office to read quietly behind her and Steve sat at his own desk beside her.
They came and went, always seeing if there was anything else she needed.
Later that afternoon, after she had exhausted herself of reporting and editing her thesis, Bucky crouched down beside her.
"You done here?" His eyes bounced from her to the computer screen and she reluctantly nodded. "C'mon." He tugged on her hand, encouraging her onto her feet before leading out of the room and upstairs.
"Buckyyyy," Avery whined out as she dragged her feet behind him. He didn't even bother replying as the noise of the bathtub ahead of them drowned her out. They found Steve balancing over their claw foot tub, trying to carefully arrange some mismatched candles against the windowsill.
She couldn't help but gasp when she finally clued in. "You drew me a bath?" The tub ahead of her overflowed with bubbles and she could smell something floral and soothing, maybe some combination of bath salts and fancy oils leftover from a Christmas gift. Suddenly a warm, all encompassing bath did seem like the greatest idea.
Bucky pulled her back towards his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "We figured you need to relax a little bit, given the last few days."
Avery imagined every tactic she could think of to keep herself from crying now but it was all for none. Admittedly, she wasn't sure how she even had tears left in her system yet they still started to fall. "Thank you," she whispered out between sobs, rotating to sink further into Bucky's embrace. "This is so nice." She took a deep breath. "My god, I'm a mess."
"Free pass to be a mess today," Bucky responded quickly, drawing his hands up and down her back. Cradling her head before another delivering another kiss, he continued. "C'mon, Stevie worked really hard to ensure proper bubble ratios here."
With assistance from four very eager hands, Avery stripped down and stepped into the tub. The boys disappeared from the room and kept their fur children at bay while she relaxed and lost herself in the warm bath. Though it took some mental exercises and a few patterns of steady breathing, eventually everything managed to melt away.
Though uncertain about how long she had been in there, Avery did feel some relief when Steve came back a while later. Being left alone with her thoughts for so long was proving reckless.
Steve was holding a pile of fluffy towels, which he placed gingerly on the counter before kneeling down beside the large porcelain tub. As he rested his arms on the edge of it, balancing his chin over the back of his hand, she reached over and carefully placed some leftover bubbles on his nose.
"You know I'm not mad at you, right?" Her voice came out much quieter than she intended, locking eyes with Steve as he searched her face for something.
"I think you should be," he countered, eyes tightly shut.
"Steve," Avery lifted her hand and cradled his cheek, ignoring the dripping water that traveled down towards his shirt. "You're still carrying the weight of the world when you don't have to." His lips flicked upwards into a little momentary smirk.
Steve's face fell again quickly. "All those years ago, when I first saw Bucky again and realized who he was - I didn't have time to stop and think about what it meant, how it was possible. Everything I knew about trust, about the people who I thought I knew, it all changed in an instant."
Avery swallowed the lump forming in her throat. This particular topic - the series of events that lead up to Bucky escaping HYDRA, the chaotic, infamous fall of SHIELD in DC, the foundational cracks in Steve's relationships - it wasn't something they broached often. In fact, over the few years of their relationship, she could recall Steve only talking about it in detail once.
"And when I finally had the chance to sit with all of that stuff-" He lifted himself up for a moment to gesture to his heart. "It consumed me for a long time. And not always in a good way - especially when I was searching the globe for him. At times it felt like turmoil." He sucked in a breath and returned to his first position, gently balancing his hands on the side of the tub. "I guess I just wanted to shield you from that feeling for as long as possible."
"But after all that turmoil, there was… what would the opposite of that be? Joy?"
Steve exhaled - as if he was emptying himself of those feelings once more. "Relief. Uh, peace, even."
"Peace. Okay, let's focus on getting to that then, okay?" Avery moved once more, reaching both her hands up to cradle his face. Her sopping palms rubbed against his beard and she tugged him closer, her lips finding home attached to his.
"The next steps won't be easy, Ave. They might be really painful at times. Painful and frustrating and fruitless."
She nodded. "I know. I can do it. I've got you and Buck. We can do it." Letting out a sigh, her head fell into a tilt as a smile grew on her face. "I love you, Stevie." Water splashed out of the tub as she quickly sat up on her knees. Her hands travelled down his arms and she pulled enough to encourage him to stand. "The water is still warm, if you're interested."
"That is a one person vessel," Steve replied with a laugh, brushing his hands over his knees.
"Pleeease." She was pouting playfully now. When her hand clamped onto his closest wrist, she tugged just hard enough to bring him closer. "Just get in. C'mon."
His heavy sigh was enough of an acceptance but he didn't even bother taking off his clothes. Once his leg was inside the tub, very quickly soaking his sweatpants, Avery pulled him down. The force of Steve's body engulfing hers sent waves of water over the edge of the tub, eliciting a shriek from Avery followed by uncontrollable giggles as Steve kissed against her neck.
"You asked for this, sweetheart." Steve turned his head to holler. "Buck! The bathtub is flooding again!"
They could hear Bucky's grumbling grow louder and louder as he hurried up the stairs, going on and on about bad plumbing, only to roll his eyes dramatically when he got to the doorway. He leaned against the frame and crossed his arms. "Do you two need a refresher on what displacement is?"
"Hey, I'm a scientist," Avery returned, a look of fake offense on her face. "I just got lonely here."
Bucky smirked and took a few steps into the room, grabbing the towels and throwing them down on the ground to soak up the spilled water. "We could have all just piled up on the couch instead or I can think of some other three person activities that involve a tangle of bodies."
"Oh yeah?" An idea flashed across Avery's face and suddenly, before either of the men knew it, her tongue licked across her lower lip and she pushed herself towards Steve, causing him to sit up so she could sit in his lap. Even more water splashed out of the bathtub but she really didn't care.
Steve's arms wrapped around her waist tightly, pulling her close so that they were flush against each other. A gasp escaped her lips, her hands fisted in his hair. Steve's mouth captured her lips. Their kisses deepened, their tongues dancing together until both men groaned loudly.
Bucky's chuckle brought their attention away from each other and back to their surroundings. "Okay, now I really do feel left out."
Steve and Avery barely broke apart and she couldn't help but yelp as Steve managed to stand while holding her in his arms. The bathtub was practically empty now after all of that action. "Buck, you take care of our girl -" She tried to protest as she was moved from one set of arms to the next. "-while I take care of this mess."
"You don't have to tell me twice," Bucky said, turning on his heel and heading towards the bedroom as Avery started to press her lips against his neck and shoulder.
It barely took Bucky any time to rid himself of his clothes and crawl up onto the bed beside Avery. And by the time Steve joined them, she was already coming apart - swimming in a haze of love and something even stronger tying her to the moment.
Every kiss from Bucky and Steve felt like a promise of honesty, each touch an apology for the pain they had endured recently. Skin on skin, heart to heart, exchanging breaths and sharing in their pleasure together - it served as a reminder for all three of them, to ensure they knew what really mattered: each other.
A/N: Although we are past this little mess, I think we all know there isn't exactly blue skies ahead just yet. We do appreciate some clear communication and honesty in these parts. But uh, it's easy to trust your partners. But all those outside forces? I'd be concerned about anyone preying on my people, too. *shifty eyes*
Thank you, as per usual, for everyone's support along the way. I wish I had the energy and time to write faster but life really gets in the way. It'll be a few weeks before the next one but I promise we're getting into some good resolutions and action soon. Every visit, view, favourite and subscription means soooo much to me. I love having you all in my corner. Thank you of course to my last reviewers: qmione, Winchestergurl4life, and Katie MacAlpine. I love hearing your thoughts and reactions! They really make my day :)
Next up: suddenly, there are a lot of things our trio needs to face - careers, family, the truth, the future.