Bucky wanted to skip his therapy session. He certainly had a thousand other things he could do to occupy his time and yet, there he was, dragging his feet across the carpet in Dr. Raynor's office and plunking himself down on the plush grey couch.
Truthfully, given the rollercoaster of emotions he had tackled in the last few weeks, he knew this session should feel like relief. And maybe it would. But every moment leading up to it felt like quicksand to him. (And even more truthfully, he didn't have it in him to face Steve's disappointed face when he found out he didn't go.)
Talking with Raynor felt like unpacking an entire suitcase of baggage every time. Her prickly attitude usually felt humbling but depending on Bucky's own mood, he always felt ready to argue with her. Even if she was usually correct in her assessment. Their most recent session really leaned towards that.
"Barnes -"
Raynor flip flopped in how she addressed him sometimes - he complained that when she used James, it felt too maternal. But other days, if she used Bucky, that felt too personal. Their middle ground was as military as her career history was - last names.
"Are you familiar with the concept of altruism?"
Bucky pushed his tongue along his upper lip and grimaced. "Like martyrdom?" He understood the value of therapy and the reason why it felt uncomfortable at times. That didn't seem to help the pressure in his mind when Raynor tried so hard to get further into these things. She liked to dig in.
Raynor smiled at that one. Her smile always seemed so tense. "No, they don't align as much as most people think. To be altruistic is more akin to philanthropy, really. To be altruistic is to be selfless."
Bucky tipped his head, eyes narrow as he watched her across the room. "Would you describe me as selfless?"
"You're telling me you wouldn't?" She countered, moving her notebook and pen to the small table beside her. "You've been searching for forgiveness for years now. Despite the good things existing in your life, there is a weight you are holding onto about the past. That's not a bad thing, to feel guilt and remorse for your actions is part of being a good human. But.." She leaned forward now. "There is a thin line between guilt and torturing yourself."
Bucky let out a long breath and leaned back further into the couch, as if putting even another inch of distance between himself and her would shield him from the truth of her words.
"For months now you've been wrestling with figuring out your purpose. Maybe I've misinterpreted but to me it seems like your road to recovery has centered around balancing the scales. Like a transaction - if you do enough good things now, taking down the bad guys or helping on a grand scale, eventually things will settle."
"Well, what's the alternative? Do nothing?" Bucky's words felt thick in his mouth. She made a lot of good points, of course. He felt like he was on an everlong quest to regain his place in this world - where all the bad things that happened at his hand might be rectified, in a way.
"You tell me," Raynor raised an eyebrow as she replied. "What do you want to do? You know there are a lot of other opportunities to help and do good that doesn't involve violence or -
"What we do isn't always violent." He couldn't help feeling defensive. The work he did with Sam, through their partnership with the CIA, wasn't always clean and easy. They were responsible for hunting down bad people and stopping them from continuing doing bad things. But they also provided training and feedback on how to do things better, to do things with less destruction. "There are people out in the world with bad intentions and sometimes stopping them isn't free of harm. I live with that."
Raynor sighed. "But have you considered an exit strategy? Next steps? Even the army has contracts that end eventually - what I'm saying is perhaps, for the sake of working on your own forgiveness, you can scale back. You told me once that you were never a fighter."
Bucky pursed his lips into a line. "They made me one."
Bucky wrestled with that every single day of his life. Even after finding so much more to live for - Steve, Avery, their life together, the family they were building - he couldn't stop those thoughts from sinking in again and again. It didn't help that there were constant reminders popping up - the night of The Incident where he nearly killed Avery, revisiting HYDRA files for their current investigation, Jeremy himself remembering who the Asset was. It seemed inescapable. His past had carved out a legacy he wanted to leave behind but seemed locked around him like a chain to a dingy cell wall.
"Well, maybe it's time to make yourself something else."
After all the news had come to light about her brother, Avery could only describe herself as distracted. Actually, being distracted felt like putting it too lightly. Her mind constantly raced - when she was supposed to be grading papers for her associate professor, when she was finishing off an experiment in the lab with Bruce, even when she was trying to eat breakfast on the way to campus. She couldn't focus on anything.
She knew skipping her therapy appointment was not the appropriate way to handle the situation. But she knew very well that she couldn't sit down with Evelyn and explain that 'oh, surprise, my dead brother is actually alive' and hope that she wouldn't ask more questions. Steve and Bucky had made it very clear that this was classified information - until they could get the right people involved, it was essential that everything stay as controlled as possible.
They assured her she would be involved with all the next steps, of course. And Avery knew in her heart that they meant that. But it didn't stop her mind from barrelling into wild theories and speculations in the meantime.
And instead of taking the subway uptown to her therapist's office, she found herself heading straight to the boxing gym instead. She had exchanged a handful of messages from Raya over the past few weeks. Avery hadn't been avoiding the place, instead prioritizing everything else going on in her life. But now, she couldn't think of anything better to distract herself.
She switched from her winter gear to leggings and a sports bra, securing her cuff on her wrist again and throwing her hair into a ponytail. With a deep breath she headed out into the gymspace and sought out Raya herself. Avery wanted anything to clear her mind of her anxious escalating thoughts and something to burn off the excess energy that coursed through her.
And more than that, given the numerous unknowns about what was going to happen next with her brother, Avery wanted to feel prepared for the worst. Bucky and Steve had been honest with her about what they might face next - those ex-HYDRA scientists might be seeking out her brother too.
So Avery wanted to be ready. She wanted to be able to really fight.
Raya hadn't been expressively honest about her own life story but Avery felt she knew enough to trust the woman knew what she was doing. And for a woman of her stature, Raya had quite the physique - sturdy thighs, rippling waves of muscle along her back, an intense stare and more agile than most people in her age bracket.
Avery stood opposite Raya, flexing her toes against the gym mats beneath her. They had sailed beyond the fundamentals of boxing and pivoted directly into what Avery could only categorize as regular old fighting. The moves varied from mixed martial arts to defensive hand to hand combat skills. And now? Raya thought it was time to test Avery's abilities.
With her hands wrapped tightly, cradled against worn-in boxing gloves, they started. To Avery's comfort, the usually crowded gym space had a thinned out crowd and no one seemed to be giving her tussle with Raya any second glances.
Avery sucked in a deep breath and did her best to get out of her head. The entire sequence of fighting, dodging, grabbing, twisting, pouncing - it all came naturally. There was an unusual tension building up in her core as their contact grew. Everything else around them seemed to fall away and the reverberating sound of glove hitting glove took over.
Then, like a glitch on a computer screen, something in her brain seemed to bend and suddenly she was laying flat on her back as Raya straddled her, fist hovering above Avery's face.
"You just lost," the woman said with a curt finality. "You lost your focus."
Avery narrowed her eyes and gently pushed Raya off. "Yeah, well, I thought this was just a preliminary thing, anyway."
Raya shook off her gloves and stood up. "It is. You didn't do anything wrong, I just feel like you're not giving it your all."
Avery sighed and laid down flat against the gym mat. Her hair splayed out beside her head as she continued to catch her breath. She hadn't given it her all. She couldn't. Despite the pulse in her muscles begging to be used, often she was giving a lot of her attention to reigning herself in. What else was she supposed to do? Go full force and crack the woman's skull open? Drive her knee up against her ribs with enough force to shatter one?
Avery, Bucky and Steve had done enough training and experimenting on their own to determine the extent of Avery's increased strength. When it came to brute force, she certainly didn't match that of her two partners. Structurally and physiologically, they were both built differently compared to Avery.
The original Erskine serum had given Steve plenty of muscles and strength along with it. Plus, agility, cell regeneration, and amplified physical and mental performance. Effectively, it granted him an enhanced and perfected physiology with superhuman physical abilities and enhanced mental processes.
Bucky's serum, on the other hand, had been much less robust and strategic. It gave him similar physical features like the original did, creating a durable super soldier. But it lacked the finesse. His abilities were instead trained into him over years of torture. The foundation of strength development requires it to be paired with neurological training, as well.
And that is where Avery differed. She could only use her muscles to be as strong as her mind allowed her to. There were instances where she could feel it - when she did an intense weight training session, when she sparred with Bucky, when she tore a heavy bag down. It wasn't a feeling she chased often but perhaps a shift in her goals was required.
"I just don't think you need to be holding back," Raya concluded finally, extending a hand out to help Avery up from her position on the mat. "I can take it."
"I don't know," Avery responded with a smirk. "I'm stronger than I look."
"Next time, show me that."
"Well, Cap, when you said you had something to discuss with me, this is not what I expected."
Steve couldn't help but laugh, though it felt a bit forced. Sitting across from him. Colonel James 'Rhodey' Rhodes dropped the file folder from his hands back onto the board room table, scrubbing a hand over his jaw before meeting Steve's eyes. It wound up mostly being luck and good timing that Rhodey was in the city for official Air Force business. Taking up a spare boardroom at the Stark offices uptown was a comforting added bonus, too. It served as a reminder to Steve of the past, the people he loved, the people he missed deeply, the people he lost. He tried to ignore that familiar aching feeling in his chest - the one that echoed loudly when he thought about Avery and her brother.
Rhodey let out an uneasy sigh. "This is complicated."
"I know," Steve replied, carefully watching as he continued to scan over the documents. "And I'm not asking you to break any rules for me - for us. But we could use a bit of help."
It was Rhodey's turn to laugh. He leaned forward on the table and raised an eyebrow. "You didn't need my help to get this classified sealed document outlining Jeremy's service record and the private details of his recorded death."
Steve smirked. "I'm not going to reveal my source."
"I know Sam has a friend, I won't snitch." Rhodey nodded as he closed the file folder. "What do you really need?"
Steve outlined his requests as reasonably as he could - contact information for Jeremy's flight partner that day, any threads Rhodey could pull about missing US soldiers in that timeframe, and, well, any advice he could offer about their search.
Slowly but surely, their conversation drifted towards general catching up instead. The years of fighting and strategizing still felt like a long time ago and swapping stories about what was going on in their lives now was almost refreshing. Steve told him about his contract at the university, Rhodey filled in the gaps about his last few months with a new training program for rookie cadets.
"And Bucky? Avery? They're good?" Rhodey raised a shoulder to shrug. "Well, aside from.."
Steve raised his eyebrows in the most neutral non-committal way he could. Truthfully, they were all doing okay - but every time they seemed to get back on track, something else derailed them. It was as if there were forces in the universe still working against him, against them. No matter how hard he tried to carve out a seamless, peaceful future where he could protect the people he loved and create a life, a family, with them - something fought back.
"Things are just always more trying than I'd like," he finally answered. "There's always another obstacle."
"That's life, Steve," Rhodey nodded along. "At least it isn't always aliens out to get you though, right?"
Steve couldn't help but laugh. "At least."
"Tony was onto something with his cabin, you know. Removed from all of this.." Rhodey moved to stand and paused, letting a grin grow on his face. "Speaking of.."
Steve tilted his head curiously, following Rhodey's pointed hand and quickly understanding the fast paced footsteps that seemed to be heading in their direction. When the small brunette skidded to a halt outside of the board room door, smiling wide with a smattering of missing teeth on display, she let out a loud yelp.
"Uncle Rhodey!" Morgan ran in and threw herself into a hug with Rhodey without taking another breath, then peeled herself away and headed towards Steve. "Uncle Steve!"
"Hey kiddo," Steve scooped her up into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before swinging her around to sit on the nearest rolling chair. "Did you grow another foot in the last few months?" The last time Steve had seen the young girl was at some holiday event Pepper was hosting before Christmas, a big year-end wrap up for the Stark Foundation. But even so, he spoke truthfully - Morgan seemed to grow leaps and bounds in any gap of time.
"I'm 44 inches tall now," Morgan replied smartly, tipping her head so the beautiful pigtails falling down her back swayed in the chair. "And three quarter inches."
"Lucky you got your height from your mother, kid," Rhodey added in with a smirk.
As if right on cue, Pepper and her own clicking footsteps appeared in the doorway next. "Hey pipsqueak, we're going to be late for gymnastics." She offered a twinkling smile to both of the men entertaining her daughter. "Why don't we ask your uncles to catch up as we head down to the car?"
Morgan was certainly agreeable to the suggestion and Pepper's gratitude to both Steve and Rhodey for playing along was evident on her face. The young girl managed to grip Steve's hand and Rhodey's at the same time - pulling them both towards the elevator and downstairs to the lobby of Stark Plaza, filling them in with tales of her first grade adventures and the multitude of activities and sports she was trying out, too.
Steve noticed that Pepper didn't stop smiling once as her daughter rambled on, and, well, that made him smile. Morgan requested another set of hugs before leaving and also requested a playdate with Steve and Rocky soon, too.
Rhodey left him next, shaking Steve's hand with a reassurance that he would do everything he could to get him some new information for their Jeremy investigation. Then, Steve stood alone. He ventured through the quiet hallways of the Stark Industries building, navigating his way upstairs again to Bruce's research floor. If his timing was correct enough, he would hopefully be catching Avery at the end of her lab time and they could head home together.
As he sailed upwards in the elevator, he couldn't help but think about Pepper and Morgan. Specifically, the way Pepper looked at her daughter - with admiration, pride, and most importantly, love. The topic of kids, it certainly wasn't a topic Steve, Bucky and Avery avoided on purpose. In fact, they had tackled that big question early on. Luckily they were all on the same page and they shared a common desire to become parents one day.
One day. It was in those moments where Steve couldn't help himself from reflecting on his arduous past and what his future was going to look like. What their future was going to look like.
It was years away still - Avery wanted to finish her education, they wanted a few more years to just date and live, too - but the idea stirred something warm inside his soul. Something hopeful, something to always look forward to. Something that made it all worth it, too.
As he stepped off the elevator and headed through the glass doorway to the lab, he found Bruce and Avery both staring very intensely at the same large screen. Neither of them were moving so he approached cautiously.
"Hey.."
Bruce looked over his shoulder, eyes growing wide behind his glasses when he realized they had another guest in the lab. "Steve, hey!" Just as quickly Bruce turned back to the screen.
"Hey you," Avery turned around and greeted him with more enthusiasm than Bruce, although after one peck on the cheek she turned back around towards the data on the screen. "Sorry, we're in the middle of analyzing my stupid data set."
Steve nodded, as if he was very understanding of whatever was on that screen, too. Before he could ask any further questions, Bruce threw up his hand.
"Ah ha! There. Your sequence failed." He pointed a green finger towards the screen, eliciting a groan from Avery as she moved closer to the screen.
"Damnit. Damnit, damnit!" She muttered and punched the keyboard on the nearby terminal. The screens showed a few numbers of different errors. After some seconds she hit another button and the error Bruce had pointed out was suddenly highlighted in red. She looked at it again before sighing deeply. "This is going to take forever to fix."
Bruce gave her a light pat on the shoulder, as if to say 'I've been there' and left her with Steve. Avery sighed again and turned back towards her boyfriend, dramatically throwing herself against him and accepting his arms around her shoulders.
"You gonna survive?" Steve joked lightly, rubbing his hands against the tough cotton of her lab coat.
"Probably. I just have to re-do another test again - which Bruce likes to assure me is the fun part of being a scientist." She let out a groan into Steve's chest. "Although I think it is an inappropriate use of the word fun!" Avery turned her head to the side to catch Bruce laughing on the other side of the room as he sat at another workstation.
"Is there anything I can help you with?"
Avery pulled away from him, a smirk growing on her face. "Actually, I could use a lab assistant while I set this up again. You need to be very steady with a pipette though - if you're up for the challenge?"
Steve raised his eyebrows, smiling softly as he looked around the lab. "I can handle it, sweetheart."
Steve loved any opportunity to see Avery work, especially when it was something she felt so passionately about. He liked to think he made an excellent temporary lab partner for her, too. Mostly though, he just sat on a stool at the nearby workbench and watched her in action. Her hands especially worked so carefully, busy evening out liquids in vials and tapping against machines to ensure proper calibration. Her movements seemed effortlessly orchestrated, a far cry for versions of her that moved anxiously and erratically. Her dedication shone through and when everything seemed to be finally set into motion for her experiment, she seemed to exude both hopefulness and a sense of accomplishment at the same time. All Steve could do was watch in awe with a goofy look on his face.
"What?" Avery nudged him with a finger, tilting her head as her hair shook out over her shoulders. "Do you think I did something wrong?"
"Ave, I would have no clue if that was the case," he replied quickly, extending a hand to grab hers. "I'm just impressed."
"Hah," she couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Running the same experiment three times is not impressive."
Steve shook his head. "But your tenacity is."
Before Avery could even try to hide the pink growing on her cheeks, Bruce was calling for them from his location in the corner. His usual spot was a large stainless steel work table surrounded by moving screens and mechanical arms, busying around as he set up his own projects. But this time, the screen ahead of him was running a news channel.
"Is this school near in your neighbourhood?" Bruce tipped his head towards the screen as Steve and Avery joined him. "Wait, did they just say -"
Steve hardened when he saw the headline. The reporter was not only describing how the school down the block from their house was engulfed in flames, but the words at the bottom of the screen nearly made his knees buckle: 'THE WINTER SOLDIER LAUDED AS HERO FOR SAVING GROUP OF SCHOOL CHILDREN'
Bucky did everything in his power to try and not be bothered by it, but of course the 24 hour news cycle had to draw in viewers somehow. He just wished they referred to him by his name instead of his former moniker. How was it still possible that not only had the government cleared his name and record but he had helped save the world from an evil alien attack, yet not even one damn local news network could lead with his real name instead of The Winter Soldier.
In the grand scheme of things, it didn't really matter. He knew that.
What mattered was the timing of the universe. How he had just stepped out the front door of their house to head to the corner store when he first heard the blaring alarms from the public elementary school down the block. When his feet acted faster than his mind and he realized he was running towards a growing fire, all he could think about was the after school program that ran in the gymnasium - both he and Steve had visited to meet with the kids last spring before they moved into the neighbourhood.
He had used his metal arm to rip through the emergency doors, guiding anyone he could through the thick smoke as he waited for all the emergency workers to show up and do the real work in stopping the fire and checking over the students for smoke inhalation.
The fire chief showed up at their doorstep a bit later to give him a personal thank you, too. Now he was splayed out on the couch, resting against Steve while Avery sat on the floor to play with Alpine. Their bed was calling, though.
"I know Alpine, I know," Avery cooed at the animal, pulling a cat toy along the ground for her to chase. "I agree that it was crazy for your dad to run into a burning building, but he made it out alive."
"Ave, c'mon," Bucky lifted his head from Steve's lap and raised his eyebrows. "What else was I supposed to do?"
Avery ignored him. "I know, baby girl." She reached a hand out to scratch under Alpine's jaw. "I know, he knows he's not fireproof and yet -"
"Avery."
"And yet," she continued, a bit louder. "We find him at home all charred up and -
"I was not charred!"
"Just because your fancy arm doesn't overheat, you can't just -
"That's it." Bucky pushed himself up from the couch and rolled onto the floor, grabbing Avery by the waist as Alpine ran away from the commotion. "I'm fine. You know I do much more dangerous things on missions with Sam, right?" She couldn't even get a response in before his hands were tickling up her sides, falling into his chest as he gently wrestled her on the hardwood floors. "That electrical fire grew very fast and I couldn't just sit and wait. I couldn't… do nothing."
Bucky turned his head to look from her back towards Steve, who was politely staying out of the tussle although his face couldn't hide his own fears very well.
Steve sighed, leaning his elbows onto his knees as he watched them slow down on the floor. "You're in full tactical gear for that stuff usually, Buck. And you have a plan and backup, too." He ran a hand through his hair nervously, meeting Bucky's intense gaze. "You can't fault us for being just a tiny bit… upset about that risk."
"A teeny, tiny bit," Avery added quietly, reaching her hand up to show off the distance between her thumb and index finger. "We're still proud of what you did, Buck. Just.. Well, I'm always scared and worried about you. Can't help it."
Bucky had spent a long time living for other people - for the wrong people. Now, as he dedicated his life to his people, he thought more and more about the risks he took. When it came to the greater good though, he didn't hesitate. It simply echoed what Raynor had been rambling about in their last session anyway. And while he didn't agree with everything his therapist droned on about when it came to being selfless, taking the chance on saving the lives of whoever was trapped in that school gym, well, it wasn't something he thought twice about.
He relaxed and rolled onto his back, ignoring how his shoulders felt against the hard floor. Avery remained at his side, though she moved onto her knees and leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead.
"Oh!" She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and took out her cellphone. "I meant to call my dad back. He left me a voicemail earlier when we were rushing home.." She tapped on the screen a few times, laying her phone directly onto Bucky's chest as if he was nothing else but a table in that exact moment.
"You have ONE new voice message and TWENTY - SEVEN unheard messages. Press -"
Steve laughed. "Do you even listen to our voicemails?"
Avery shrugged. "It's usually quicker to just call you back." She smirked as she tapped the screen once more.
"Hi sunshine - just wanted to check in! Just saw that news story about Bucky and the school rescue. He did a very stupid thing, you know - but I'm not surprised, that's the sort of bravery a soldier carries forever. Speaking of soldiers - Suzie just stopped me from calling that damn network directly but how dare all those damn news anchors not even say his damn name once? It's a damn shame. The Winter Soldier? Ridiculous. Tell him I'm proud of him. Tell James - yes, James Barnes! - I'm proud of him."
When Avery's voicemail stopped, they all sat in silence for a few extra beats. Bucky propped himself up on the heels of his hands, staring down at the phone sliding off his chest.
Avery sucked in a breath. "Well, in case you missed it, Lou Felix is damn proud of you, Buck."
Bucky forced a smile, looking off towards the empty fireplace across the room. "That's very nice of him to say."
From the couch, Steve leaned back and sighed. "It shouldn't be like that still, Bucky. And I'm sorry. Every record of The Winter Soldier was scrubbed from Government records and -
"It doesn't matter," Bucky just shrugged, but it was clear to both Avery and Steve that their playful moments and reverie had been compromised by this sullen reminder that weighed Bucky down. "I can't escape that part of my past. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter who ran into that school and saved those kids - it just matters that they were saved, right?"
Avery glanced over at Steve with a slight frown, pushing against the cuticle of one thumb with the other as she searched for something to say. "What you did counts for a lot. What James Buchanan Barnes did."
"I know." Bucky started to push himself up and hesitated on the way, kissing Avery's forehead as she remained perched on her knees. Then, he shared the same kiss with Steve as he passed by. "I'm just gonna take Rocky around the block before bed. C'mon pal."
As Bucky bundled up in his coat and clipped a leash to Rocky's collar before swiftly departing from the house, Avery moved to drop onto the couch beside Steve. They tried to tread as delicately as they could with Bucky, though perhaps at times it was too delicate or too cautious.
"This is a dumb rollercoaster for him," Avery grumbled out, curling up into Steve's side. "It's not fair."
"He's been working on that guilt for a long time," Steve's words hung heavy between them. "I wish he could see his own value more."
"It must be so hard. I'm not saying 'hero' work isn't important but I guess maybe sometimes it can't feel very different from his… previous life. Missions and deadlines and strategizing and fighting." She sighed, absently drumming her fingers against Steve's thigh. "Does he even need a job? Like money wise, I really figured you were our sugar daddy here anyway."
"What?" Steve choked out a laugh as he pulled her even closer. "I'm just waiting out for you to get your PHD, then we'll really be set for life."
Avery's eyebrows flew up. "I'm not even sure I'm going to get my Masters out of this, let alone thinking I'll ever qualify for a doctorate program." That idea of the future felt very far away for her. She desperately wanted to take those big steps - especially because her research work had potential to help the future of sustainability. But that dream felt like just a dream. How could she think of her educational future when so many other things were going on in the present?
The present was proving to be more than enough for the three of them to juggle.
"Steve," Avery let out a long breath, as if emptying her lungs gave her an extra moment of reprieve from her incoming thoughts. "When you found Bucky, when you were finally reunited - was it hard to get to know him again?" Try as she might to distract herself, her brother had constantly been on her mind lately. "Was it hard to be patient when he wasn't himself? When he struggled?"
She knew her thoughts were premature but she couldn't help but at least be a bit optimistic about finding her brother, regardless of whatever that timeline might look like. But in these moments where she witnessed how Bucky battled with guilt even years later, she worried about the version of her brother she may meet.
Under his arm, Steve squeezed her tight once more then shifted to look down at her. "Honestly, it felt really hard sometimes. I had some expectations in my mind about how things would go - how I'd get my version of Bucky back. It was difficult for me to remember that neither of us were the same person we once were. How would it be fair to push those expectations onto him? I wasn't the only person getting to know my old friend again."
Avery hummed along as he explained himself further, about his hesitancy to visit Bucky in Wakanda, his worries about not being enough of a support, of simply not being enough. She reached out and pressed her hand against his chest as he spoke.
She loved Steve's heart. Sometimes she wished she could cradle it in her hands, just to feel the warmth that overflowed from it.
"But I think getting to know each other again is what really helped us, you know? We fell in love with each other all over again, in a new way. In a way that made so much more sense. It.. well, it led us here, really."
Avery always appreciated Steve's honesty. And while his assurances didn't settle her racing mind completely, she did have a different perspective to consider. She leaned into him again, letting her hand play with the buttons of his shirt as they sat in silence. They stayed in that moment until the door opened again, until Rocky's excited footsteps filled the room, until Bucky leaned against the doorframe and met their gaze.
"Before you ask, I'm okay," Bucky started with a small smirk as he looked at his boyfriend. His eyes flicked from Steve's face to Avery's. "And before you ask, yes, I'm sure."
Avery let herself believe him. For the rest of the night, at least, she repressed her urge to push him to express all his feelings.
"It's just been a weird day now." Bucky lifted a shoulder to shrug then tipped his head slightly in the direction of the staircase. "You two comin' to bed with me?"
"Yes," Avery smiled and got up from her position, extending her hand to Steve so he would stand up, too. "Yes, James Buchanan Barnes, we are coming to bed with you."
"Okay, that's not necessary," Bucky laughed, giving her backside a gentle swat as she darted in front of him on the stairs. "Avery Ray Felix."
She paused at the top and draped her arms over Bucky's shoulders. "I just want James Buchanan Barnes to know how much I love and appreciate him."
"Do you love and appreciate him enough to rub his shoulder before he falls asleep?" Bucky snaked a hand upwards to crawl under her sweatshirt. "Please?"
"Do you know who's really good at that? Steven Grant Rogers." She peaked her head up over Bucky's shoulder and found a grinning Steve coming up behind them. "He's the best with his hands, I think."
"He is very good with his hands, I would agree," Bucky chuckled, turning slightly to catch Steve blushing on the stairs behind them. "I mean because you're an artist, Stevie. C'mon."
"Jesus! Ave - you can't turn the heat up that high." Bucky reached across the stove and tapped on the small panel of buttons, lowering the oven temperature before shooting a bewildered look at Avery.
"If it's hotter, the food will cook faster - won't it?" Avery crossed her arms and leaned against the counter to the side. The sense of normalcy she felt as they continued on their daily routines, despite the ongoing investigation about her brother weighing her down, made her feel more grounded.
Bucky, above anything else, knew how important that sense of routine was, too. One of his ongoing quests - one that he would likely be working on for the rest of his life - was attempting to instill some actual cooking skills into his girlfriend. It continued to be an uphill battle.
"You're going to cook the outside too quickly and the inside will be raw," Bucky spoke slowly, doing absolutely nothing to hide the smirk on his face. "Me and Stevie aren't immune to food poisoning."
Avery rolled her eyes and grabbed her glass of wine from the counter, raising one shoulder into a shrug. "I mean, there was logic behind my reasoning. Also, I'm hungry so the faster the food cooks.."
Bucky finished up stirring the sauce before abandoning the wooden spoon, immediately rushing over to Avery. His hands found her waist, sneaking up underneath her sweater to graze his fingers across the small of her back. "You were eating a PB & J when I got home half an hour ago."
"So? Your girl is still hungry, Buck. Help me out?" A giggle escaped her when Bucky surged forward, attaching his lips to her neck. He kissed a trail down towards her pulse point, her collarbone, any inch he could consume. Across her back, his hands dragged against the length of her spine. "Just trying to distract me, huh?"
"It's working, isn't it?"
She yelped as he held onto her waist, lifting her to sit on the counter as he planted himself in between her legs. Avery ditched her wine glass and let her hands crawl up his arms so she could run her fingers through his hair. "Your lips are very distracting." They didn't get much further than what seemed like a very high school make out session before Steve made it home.
"Hey buddy." Steve's warm greeting as Rocky ran up to him echoed through the house. When he made it to the kitchen, he found his partners attached at the lips. "Is this dinner and a show then?"
Bucky laughed as he pulled away from Avery, turning in his spot as she draped her arms lazily over his shoulders. "Hey Stevie."
Soft hands and lips found each other as Steve got his own proper greeting before dropping down on a stool at the island. Between an early meeting with a contractor at the apartment building and prepping for his last series of lectures for class, his day had been longer than anticipated. But coming home to this - a warm house and two smiling faces and the scent of dinner filling the air, everything else seemed to melt away.
"Now that everyone is home," Bucky returned the lid to the pot on the stove, turning to lean against the counter that Avery had hopped down from. Bucky smiled, watching her slide into the seat beside Steve instead. "Uh, Allie called me today."
Avery, who had turned to lean against Steve's shoulder, snapped her head back towards him. "Just to chat?" She was well aware of Bucky's friendship with her sister-in-law, it was not out of the ordinary for he and Allie to swap yoga videos or even share memes with each other. But given the distance Avery had between both her sister and her sister's wife, this felt a bit unusual.
"She's in town next weekend for an appointment so she was reaching out to see if they could stay for a few nights."
"They? Lora is coming too?" Avery pulled her lips in tight as she thought about her sister. "Can't they just get an AirBnB or a hotel? Sudi's brother works at The Hilton in Midtown and he could probably -"
Bucky sighed, turning his lips into a smirk. "C'mon, Ave." He crossed his arms. "I didn't say yes or no, but considering the great debate we had just last night when you couldn't sleep, this seems like good timing."
Avery sighed. The great debate - that was a nice way of saying she was riddled with anxiety and unable to fall asleep. The topic consuming her mind less than 24 hours ago was how she should tell her family about Jeremy. She figured a two-step approach would be the best plan. First, tell Lora and Nash. Then together, they might be able to figure out the best way to tell their dad. Given how they had all lost Avery during the snap, she hoped it wouldn't be the most unbelievable news that surprise! Jeremy is still alive.
Getting to that conclusion had been difficult though. She had gone from laying in bed, eyes wide staring into the darkness to waking both Steve and Bucky as she paced around the house.
But it was one thing to make the plan, it was another to have to… do the plan.
"Okay. Okay, so, what do we do then? Lora and Allie stay here for the weekend and I invite Nash over too? We'll serve dinner then hit them with the big news and it'll turn into a giant disaster with tears and fighting and.."
"There will be no fighting," Steve shifted on his stool to reassure her, going as far as reaching his hand out to rest on her shoulder to try and stop her from vibrating too hard. "We'll do it as a team. You can take the lead, we'll be there to fill in the rest of the information."
"Who do you think is going to cry? Lora or Nash?" Bucky asked.
"Oh, me. I'll be the one crying, I'm sure," Avery answered quickly, immediately trying to cover up her confession with a laugh. "Lora will get all closed up and weird. Nash will probably just shut down or run away or -
"Wow, you three really developed excellent coping skills, huh," Bucky laughed, holding his hand up in defense when he caught Avery's glare. "I'm kidding. Steve's an expert on trauma counseling so I think we'll be able to handle it."
"Then the truth will be out," Avery nodded. She took in a slow breath and let it out as she squeezed her eyes shut. "Right. This will be good. Just thought I might have more time to, you know-
Steve cut her off. "Think about it endlessly for weeks?"
"Dream up every single worst case scenario then talk yourself out of it?"
"Okay, okay," Avery finally smiled and shook her head. "I get it. You two know me very well, wow. Impressive. So nice." She clapped her hands together and sighed once more. "Okay. Tell Allie they can stay with us. Then we'll just.. Go from there."
Perfect. Now Avery just needed to figure out how the hell she was going to hold a conversation with her sister.
Avery wouldn't say she had been dreading the weekend. The last few days had been especially busy with assignments and lab work and cleaning their house and Bucky being called out for a short mission with Sam. Usually when she left campus on Friday afternoons she couldn't wait for a few days of rest. Now, as she climbed up the stairs from the subway station, she could feel the pit of her stomach growing bigger and bigger.
Somewhere along the way she was sure Bucky or Steve had told her a timeline for when their houseguests would be arriving. Avery had been blissfully unaware and when she turned the corner and headed towards their house, she didn't know who she'd find at home.
Hopefully everyone, to avoid any awkward encounters with her sister.
When she pushed open the front door, she was met by silence. Not even Rocky had scurried to greet her. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she tried to decide whether or not she should check her phone or call out into the house. Before she could decide, she heard footsteps down the hall. After discarding her coat, she dragged her feet and crossed into the threshold of the kitchen.
"Oh, hey."
Avery turned her head and inhaled sharply, finding Lora sitting at the kitchen island. In front of her sat a paper coffee cup and her laptop. Judging by how her bags were stacked against the wall near the table, Avery could only assume she and Allie hadn't arrived that long ago.
Lora must have figured out her thought process, filling in the blanks. "Uhm, Bucky just took Rocky with him to grab something from somewhere.. Maybe he said a nearby market?" She offered her sister a small smile. "And Allie took a cab uptown from the train station to meet up with a friend. Bucky said Steve could probably grab her on his way home later.."
Avery nodded along, taking a few more steps into the kitchen. She tried to pretend like this was her normal routine at the end of the day, awkwardly opening and closing cupboards and pouring a glass of water and grabbing a CBD candy to chew on. Eventually, she leaned against the furthest counter and looked over at her sister.
The last time she had even seen Lora was the final night of their trip home to Boston for Christmas. Aside from exchanging a few text messages about Beatrice, their communication had been incredibly lacking. But now, as she met her sister's gaze across the room, she had a hard time reminding herself how angry she was.
And on top of that, there was something off about Lora. Her perfectly put together look had been replaced by tired eyes and very casual clothing. Normally her eyes sparked with all the fervour of a flash of lightning, but Avery couldn't find any of that. In fact, none of this seemed like Lora.
Just as Avery tried to ask, Lora tried to start their conversation, too.
"Are you okay?"
"Your face is swollen."
Avery sighed, raising a hand up to caress the left side of her jaw. Great. "I took a hit when I was sparring at the gym today." That was an unfortunate truth and consequence of dialing up her intensity with Raya, though Avery had been hoping it wasn't as obvious. Although that wasn't important currently, there were more pressing things that required her focus and brain power.
Lora raised an eyebrow before closing her laptop slowly. "Sparring?"
"I've just been… learning some new things, I guess." Avery crossed her arms. She searched her sister's face once more. Although she had a million things on the tip of her tongue, from begging her sister for an apology to screaming all her angry thoughts out loud, Avery hesitated. God, where did she start? "Lo.. are you okay?"
Avery watched her sister closely, how her head shook, how she looked away. Despite her determined attempt to hold her ground and keep her distance, Avery's feet rushed her across the room to Lora's side.
Lora choked out a strange, empty laugh. "I don't know. I don't think I'm okay. But before we get into that, Ave -" She took a deep breath. "I owe you the biggest apology."
Avery reached for Lora's hand and squeezed it gently. "I'll make us some tea."
A/N: Well, I didn't expect to be updating on Christmas Eve but oooooh boy, the last few months of my life have been very tough. Writing certainly took a backseat but I am determined to get back into a routine coming up in the New Year. Thank you all for your patience as we get into the next sequence of this story! Finally, we're going to reflect on Avery and her relationship with her sister and share the news with everyone. Then, well, there is some angst and action coming, folks! Buckle up.
Thank you to everyone who reads, reviews, bookmarks and waits for notifications for this story! I can't explain enough how much I enjoy having an audience along for the ride. Thank you especially to everyone who left a review on the last chapter: Katie MacAlpine, Winchestergurl4life, babytigerclub15 and crazedinnocence! I really appreciate hearing your thoughts!
Next up: well, let's get into it, shall we? Everything is bound to go smoothly.