Warnings: mentions of pregnancy, a loose interpretation of the science behind the super soldier serum, general angst (uhm, a preemptive apology..)
Avery knew she had no right to get her hopes up. The moment she had hung up the phone with Bucky and listened to the tail end of Steve's conversation, she couldn't stop her heart from beating faster and faster and faster. What if it was possible? That Jeremy was somewhere safe and accessible? That Bucky and Sam could make contact again, and maybe encourage him to return back to the states, too.
"Sweetheart," Steve closed in the space between them as he returned his phone to the table. "Don't get ahead of yourself."
She offered him a tight smile. "I won't. I just.. It's unreasonable to expect me to remain completely neutral."
Steve understood better than anyone. Everytime there had been a potential link to Bucky on their search for him - he knew what she was feeling.
Avery tapped her index finger against her lips and nodded. "How long is their flight? What time is it in Germany even?"
"It's well past midnight by now," Steve grabbed her hand and squeezed. "Wanna go around the block with me and Rocky?"
Steve had plenty of distractions up his sleeve it turned out. A walk with Rocky turned into a movie night which rolled into making out on the couch. Then a cup of tea and a shower and eventually, he tugged her hand all the way back to the bedroom.
"It'll be hours until we hear from him. Try to sleep."
Though she tried to fight it, Avery did fall asleep. The gentle wind outside had been enough white noise to lull her into the sheets, curled up against Steve despite the oversized half empty bed they were sharing.
The sound of Steve's phone buzzing on the side table did jostle Avery awake though. She didn't know how much time had passed since she drifted off, but the sky was still dark, and the glow of his screen illuminated the room.
She sat up with a groan as Steve answered the call. Her heartbeat picked up immediately when she heard the voice on the other end. Bucky.
"Put him on speaker, please," she murmured, blinking a few times to try and adjust to the lamp Steve had flicked on.
Steve sat up straight and stiff too, tapping on his screen. "Hey Buck. What's going on?"
"Good news and bad news," Bucky's voice sounded tinny and far away.
Avery couldn't help but feel a bit deflated already. She could only assume…
"It's just me and Sam comin' home," Bucky continued, as if he knew the exact question on everyone's mind. "But the cameras were correct and it was your brother, Ave. He just moved on very quickly." Bucky gave them a short summary about what he and Sam had done and learned from their last minute venture to Berlin.
"But that guy, Jakob, he doesn't know where Jeremy is going next?" Avery tangled her hands together in her lap as she leaned toward the phone. "Okay but.. Is he… okay? Is Jeremy okay?"
"Yeah, Jakob said he looked good, all things considered. Taking care of himself, trying to figure things out." They heard Bucky take a deep breath. "Apparently Jeremy told Jakob that he needed to go home."
"Home?" Avery stumbled over the word. "But where?" She didn't even hear Bucky's reply as she leaned back onto the headboard. Home? What could that mean to her brother? Was home the last place he lived? Was it somewhere else when he had been on the run? Was his Air Force Base home? Was home in Boston, at the house they grew up in? God, did she have to tell her dad? Should she call Nash or Lora or…
Steve's voice broke her out of her thoughts, as his hand gently squeezed her shoulder. "Did you want to say goodnight before they take off?"
She nodded and grabbed the phone from Steve, holding it in front of her. "Miss you, Buck. Thanks for detouring for me. For Jeremy."
"Of course, doll. Try not to overthink all this right now." Avery couldn't help but smile. There he was, trying to comfort her from a million miles away. "I miss you both, too. Make sure you get some sleep, okay? Stevie - you too. I'll see you tomorrow." After a few more dramatic romantic platitudes were shared, the phone call was over.
Avery laid down flat and tipped her head to the side, meeting a curious gaze from Steve. "I'm okay," she said before he dared ask. "I promise. Just… I guess this didn't make me feel any more settled."
"I know, sweetheart." Steve reached his arm over and pulled her close against his side once more. "Jeremy.. maybe he just needs more time."
She supposed the entire situation should have given her peace of mind but it was getting clearer that nothing would really squash that feeling inside until she saw Jeremy again in the flesh.
Somehow in the past few months, on top of everything else that had been going on, Steve had still managed to finish nearly all of the renovations in the garden level apartment. It seemed he fit in enough time here and there to get everything up to his standards and walked away with only a few minor cuts and one set of paint covered clothing.
Avery insisted on hosting Bea and Ray for dinner and a tour of the apartment, though she waited a few days for Bucky to get his bearings again after returning home from his mission with Sam. The whole 'hurry up and wait' feeling about the Jeremy investigation seemed to be taking a toll on all of them so looking towards the future and making a timeline for Bea and Ray to move in was a welcome distraction.
The apartment ran the length of the house, with a private entrance at the front below their front steps. From that door, the living room ran straight into a small kitchen space with the bathroom and bedroom taking up the most real estate in the back. And of course, just steps away was the backyard. Where Avery couldn't stop dreaming up warm summer nights in the garden under string lights and city noise.
Steve and Ray talked through most of the details about logistics - when they could move in, their rental budget, how Bea's cat Wallace could come along too. Meanwhile, Avery had taken Bea by the hand and waltzed her through the whole space - describing where all their furniture would fit best and how they could paint or wallpaper before they moved in.
"Sweetie, please. I don't mind the white walls - I'm just happy to never do those five flights of stairs ever again," Bea spoke excitedly, waving a hand towards Avery as she took a seat at the small table Steve had moved down there already. "While I'm glad that building brought me and my Ray together, this is a big upgrade."
Avery let out a long breath and just nodded. God, she couldn't agree more with Bea's sentiment. While their old apartment building had certainly been pivotal in a lot of relationship building, it felt nice to move on to greener pastures. And Avery was just excited that Bea would be steps away again.
Bucky tugged Avery up against him, her back to his chest as they leaned against the kitchen counter. "I'm glad you two ladies get to reunite. I'm just wondering if banana muffins will be in our future again or.." Bucky smirked when he caught the older woman's eye roll from across the room.
Bea gave Bucky a cheeky little smile and promised baked goods in exchange for him cooking dinner for them sometimes, too. Avery nearly melted when they got into a bartering debate about how much one pot of pasta equals when traded in for apple blondies.
This felt like a silver lining to Avery. This entire next step for their strange little found family - her adopted grandparents were moving into their house and finding a new home. She knew it wasn't going to be perfect or easy all the time, but to maintain this relationship with Bea after so long, this felt like an easy new chapter for them.
Their whole group headed upstairs eventually, with Bucky having his rubber arm twisted into cooking Bea's favourite pasta dish. Over a warm meal, they laughed and planned for a move in date for a few months into the future.
"Bea is doing a lot better, says Ray," Steve said as he pulled Avery into his arms, tugging her from the sink of dishes while Bucky walked their future tenants outside to an awaiting cab. "He said they're considering doing next winter down in Florida though."
Avery twisted in his arms, happily drying her hands off on the back of his sweatshirt as she tipped her head up. "Is that okay? I mean, I know their rent isn't going to be very much but -"
Steve laughed and stopped her before she got carried away. "Of course that's okay. The financials are between me and Ray, anyway." His very obvious wink made Avery believe Steve was going to barely charge them to live in the apartment downstairs, if he was going to ask for a monthly payment at all. Avery certainly wasn't going to press.
"This was really nice," Avery continued on, locking her arms around the small of Steve's back as he very awkwardly dragged her towards the living room. Dishes be damned. "A nice balm on my heart while everything else is going on." She leaned back into his chest once he had found a place to sit on the couch, carefully leaving enough distance between their bodies and a sleeping Alpine.
Their front door opened and closed once more as Bucky returned, his smile growing once he turned into the living room to find them cuddling on the couch.
"Room for one more?" He asked as he climbed onto the couch with them, happily disturbing Alpine and dropping her onto his lap as their bodies all intertwined. Rocky, as if fully aware he was missing out on the action, got up from his bed near the kitchen and moved to sit at the foot of the couch, too. "Ah, perfect. Gangs all here."
Avery grinned as she shut her eyes for a moment, listening to Bucky and Steve talking about a few final touches needed for the apartment - an extra handrail in the bathroom, a digital lock for the entryway door, another light near the back exit door. Honestly, Avery knew they could work on perfecting parts of their home forever. That was the point of it all - long term maintenance to make sure their home worked as their family grew even more.
Dreaming of a future together quelled all the fears and anxieties that swam through her mind. Because right now, in that moment, everything they had was more than enough.
Avery's list of stressors had been growing beyond control. From the stalled search for her brother to trying to finish off her thesis, she felt like she could mostly handle it all. But on top of every other goddamn thing causing her stress, her period was late. She had been avoiding the gravity of what that could mean until she had her upcoming check in appointment with Mickey Cho - mostly because five days late wasn't a crisis yet. Admittedly, she didn't always track her cycle effectively but she knew that she, Bucky and Steve all played fast and loose when it came to their sex life.
They really only relied on Avery's birth control, which up until this moment in time, hadn't been much of an issue.
So, when she got to Mickey's office to do a check up regarding both her injury and how her altered strength was affecting her, she had blurted out some half assed comment about a pregnancy test, too. Mickey wasn't a general practitioner or OBGYN, but he agreed (with wide curious eyes) to adding that onto her blood test.
Avery was scrolling aimlessly on her phone while she waited for her results and to discuss them with Mickey. His waiting room was otherwise unoccupied and the silence was slowly driving her mad. God, what if she was pregnant? How was that something she could deal with now, too?
"Miss Felix?" The receptionist motioned towards the hallway. "You can head in."
Mickey's corner office had fairly standard decor when it came to cold medical offices. His walls were adorned with framed certificates and family photos. A large wooden desk sat at one corner with an abundance of papers sitting atop it, flooded with light from the wall of windows. There were a few bookshelves and a set of chairs, and although Avery figured she was supposed to feel at ease in the room, it still felt awkwardly clinical.
He stood from his chair as she entered and smiled politely, gesturing for her to take a seat.
"So, Avery." Mickey looked at her with kind eyes, adjusting the thick frames of his glasses before glancing to the tablet ahead of him. "Where do you want to start?"
"Maybe with the, uh…" She closed her eyes and waved her hand dramatically. "The whole…"
He let out a quiet laugh. "You're not pregnant. I don't know what kind of answer you were anticipating but keep in mind that stress and hormonal changes can affect your cycle."
Avery felt her entire body relax as she sunk into the chair. "Oh. Thank god. No, that's not… we want to, maybe, in the future…" She scrubbed a hand down her face and let her lungs deflate as she met his eyes again. "I think a lot of conversations need to happen before we get to that point."
"Did you want to start that conversation now?" Mickey looked back to his screen and flicked his hand against it a few times.
"Oh, I meant mostly with… Bucky and Steve," Avery slowed down. "Why? Is there something wrong?"
"No, no." He raised his hand to stop her. "Sorry, I realize that's a personal thing. I just think at some point you may need to consider some physiological risks when it comes to conception with you and either, uh, super soldier."
Avery blinked once then twice. This was not where she thought her appointment with Mickey was going to head. "What do you mean?"
"I'm not saying you shouldn't proceed with any family planning with your partners, just to be clear." He smiled sincerely again but it didn't ease Avery's sudden twisted stomach. "There is just no information known about what conceiving a child might look like for you with your muscular development. Or what it might mean for someone with genetics like Captain Rogers or Sergeant Barnes."
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Like a baby might have their, uh, enhancements?" Although she had spent many days dreaming about beautiful blond babies with Bucky's eyes, Avery had never thought as far ahead to what kind of effect their serum might have on any future children.
"Or yours," Mickey continued. "Your own muscle structure changed too, Avery. Regarding that, the side effects of the inhalant - they haven't reduced over time. In fact, it seems to have gotten more present. I know you mentioned you had been doing some physical training. And that's fine, because you are perfectly healthy otherwise. I just wanted to mention it before you make your next decisions when it comes to your family."
Avery did not care about her own strength all of a sudden. "But with Steve and Bucky. The serum - it changed their DNA?"
"Yes, exactly. Mind you, this is all based on the science behind the original Erskine formula only. My sister had done a lot of research years ago during her time with Stark Industries. Essentially, it can be looked at like a mutation on the genetic code. That doesn't mean your future children will all come out with increased agility or accelerated cellular recovery or the like. I would say it's akin to whether your kids have blue eyes or if they're right handed or if they will prefer tapdance to baseball."
"Right. Okay. That makes sense." Avery sighed. "I just.. What about.. Bucky and I? The serum he got was unregulated and the stuff I inhaled…" She shook her head. "Will that affect anything?"
"It might. Honestly, I would recommend some genetic testing before you all try to seriously conceive. Then if you do, you'd need to be monitored closely to ensure the baby's development progresses properly. It's all really new science, but given there are known cases when a recreated version of the serum causes damage to DNA sequences instead of enhancing them and…" Mickey trailed off when he caught Avery's wide eyes. "We really don't need to get ahead of ourselves here, Avery. I know this wasn't the purpose of your appointment but I would argue it's an important topic."
She could see the unsaid words behind his kind eyes: try not to worry. Good lord, that seemed like an understatement. Avery had gone from the exciting but scary unknown potential idea of being pregnant to the complete opposite side of the spectrum. Perhaps it was her own ignorance but she had never considered things like this. How the serum would affect their future children or how her own fucked up body change might cause issues, too.
All she dreamed about during her hardest moments was what they were all working towards. Their future. The future Bucky and Steve deserved after years and years of hardship. She wanted to give them beautiful healthy children and raise a family hand in hand in hand. But what if it wasn't that easy? What if the combination of their genetics was a risk instead of a benefit?
Mickey cleared his throat and nodded with another smile. "Okay, let's go through the rest of these results."
So she was fine. Not pregnant, totally fine. Muscle development increased somehow, probably because of how much she had been working at the gym. She seemed to have no residual pain in her elbow although Mickey did encourage her to continue her physical therapy for as long as she could.
But most importantly, not pregnant. That was important, right? Avery felt like she was in a daze as she headed uptown towards Bruce's lab. The fact that she had to sit down with him and discuss her thesis now seemed impossible but damnit, she needed to focus.
There was no potential super soldier baby growing inside her yet. Not yet, no. But she knew it was a possibility and now that Mickey had laid out some honest truths about all the unknowns, Avery couldn't stop thinking about it. All of it. About how her body could change, about how she may not be able to support a baby with their attributes, how they had no idea how Bucky's serum might affect his genetics or what if Steve's childhood illnesses impacted their future children and fuck.
Planning on having babies with two men was complicated enough when it came to parentage but with all this added on top? It all seemed so unrealistic. She needed to talk this through with them, together. But she knew that wouldn't be immediately possible. She took a deep breath and focused.
When her stop arrived, Avery dashed off the subway train and quickly found a quiet coffee shop to hide out in, reaching for her phone and hitting the first name on her recent call list.
Steve couldn't quite pinpoint when the sleepless nights and uncomfortable dreams had come back to him. But sometime over the last few weeks, his sleep patterns had gone completely off the rails. He had hoped Bucky coming back from his mission with Sam might have settled the underlying fears troubling his subconscious, but it hadn't made a lick of difference.
If Avery and Bucky noticed, neither of them mentioned it. Steve didn't need to sleep very much anyway - his body could easily run on less than five hours. He knew the right thing would be to mention it to his partners, because that was the point of a relationship. He was grateful to have two people in his life who would listen and talk to him about what was going on, about how those thoughts were seeping in more often than they did before. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to let it surface. Not when the situation with Avery's brother continued to escalate.
Truthfully, he had a hard time even describing what kept happening. Fragments of memories he had long parted with flashed before his eyes over and over again as he tried to sleep. Bucky falling from the train, fighting to near death with him on the helicarrier, watching Bucky fade away before Steve's own eyes, Avery strapped to that chair because of Harry Osborne, Bucky attacking her in their bedroom, carrying her limp body into the hospital, the blood staining their hardwood floors…
Every memory pierced his soul in a different way, breaking his heart into tiny fractures each night. He didn't know why they had returned to him now - although he could guess that returning to those hard feelings of Bucky's absence last fall had something to do with it.
Sam would probably tell Steve there was shit going on he hadn't dealt with in his mind, in his heart. Things that needed to be addressed and sorted through.
But when was the last time Steve had let himself breathe? When did he lose the ability to focus on himself? Had he ever been able to do that?
"You want a coffee? On me." Victoria's voice called to Steve from the other side of their small office. It was almost his last day in the space, having finished delivering the last exam for his class just a few hours before. Now, he had to complete the marking and hopefully his TA could help him figure out uploading final grades.
Steve pulled his mind away from the stack of papers in front of him. Exams that he definitely hadn't been reading, despite his intense glare. He offered Victoria a small smile. She had been struggling through the same grading situation at his side and it was almost nice to commiserate together. "Sure, that would be great." Could she see how exhausted he felt?
He tried again to focus on the exams, dragging a finger down the written text and nodding along as he read through the words. After a few minutes, he realized he had read the same paragraph nearly five times. With a sigh, he pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back on his chair.
When his phone started to buzz on the table, he quickly reached for it and relaxed a touch when he saw Avery's face filling the screen. He swiped his thumb and brought her up to his ear.
"Hey sweetheart," he started, dragging his finger against his bottom list as the phone rested against his cheek.
"Oh uh hi. Is this a bad time?" He heard her pause. Immediately something seemed off.
"Never a bad time," he replied quickly. "What's going on?"
"I just got done with Mickey and I wanted to talk about something he said.."
The office door opened behind him and Victoria came back in, turning towards him to place his coffee cup on the desk. "Here you go."
Steve offered her a silent thank you when she noticed he was on the phone, waving a hand apologetically as she returned to her chair.
"Sorry Ave - what's going on? What did Mickey say?" Her pause was heavy once more.
She sighed. "Oh uh. I just… No, it's all good news, I'm healing fine. No change in my muscle structure, except it's getting better, I guess. Like I'm gaining strength? Yeah, that was it. I just thought that was interesting."
Steve didn't want to press but he could see, well, hear right through her. Something was missing from her explanation. "As long as you're healthy, Ave. That's good news. Is that all you talked about?"
"Mmhmm."
"I guess all your practicing is helping out."
On the other side of the phone, a quiet laugh sounded out. "About that. You know I was thinking about this fight night thing.."
Steve adjusted in his chair, glancing to the side to see if Victoria was disrupted by his call. Her head tipped down in a dead stare with her laptop. WIth a deep breath, he continued. "Ave, we talked about this. I thought we decided -"
She huffed, cutting him off. "No, you decided. Bucky was on the fence and I wanted to do it."
"Can we talk about this tonight? Maybe together we can revisit the idea and-"
"No, I'd like to talk now. You said it wasn't a bad time."
Steve wanted to stop her, since this whole discussion felt bigger than whatever the intention of this phone call had been. But weighing his options quickly, he figured staying on the line with her was his best choice as she navigated through her side of the debate.
"I just don't know why this has to be a group decision. If I want to do it and know I can do it safely, I'd like you to support me, Steve."
Steve stood up, moving past the office door and into the hallway. "I just don't think I can get onboard with this strange unregulated fight club.. General recklessness aside, it's ethically questionable."
Her frustration was not hidden through the phone. "I'm not sure why that matters all of a sudden."
"It always matters. I think me and you and Buck need to sit down and -"
"I don't want to talk about it forever, I think I'm just gonna do it. I can sign up for tomorrow's fight. Do you have anything at the VA after eight on Thursdays? I want you both to be there and-"
"No. Avery, you can't. It's not right."
"Maybe it isn't. You don't get to decide what I can and can't do, you know that, right?" Her voice shook. "I didn't ask for this stupid strength, Steve. I know you volunteered for your experiment for whatever stupid reason, but I didn't. This is how I want to deal with it."
The lump in Steve's throat was getting tighter and tighter as her words bit with more intensity. "Sweetheart, where is this coming from? Did Mickey say something else?"
"No, he didn't. I just.. This is how I want to deal with it, okay?" Her frustration overflowed as she repeated herself. "I would like you to be okay with it, Steve."
"I don't want you to get hurt." I can't deal with you getting hurt again. Please.
She scoffed. "I won't."
"You won't? Are you sure about that?" Though she couldn't see him, Steve rolled his eyes. "What about your swollen jaw and those bruises on your legs? That was from regular practice, not a real fight against someone. I'm not surprised you're just jumping into this whole thing without thinking it through but it'd be nice if you listened to some reason, Avery."
The silence between them seemed to hang for a lifetime. If he couldn't hear her breathing, Steve would have assumed Avery had hung up. Eventually, she took a deep breath and continued, "I didn't call you to argue about this."
"It sounds like your mind was made up before you even called me."
"Well, I didn't expect you to be so upset."
"I wasn't before but I am now. Is that what you want to hear?" He took a deep breath."You're not invincible, Avery! You can't be so goddamn careless with your safety."
"You know what. Fuck it. I'm signing up, I don't care. I deserve a chance to try it out. I'm not going to break."
From somewhere deep in his chest, a frustrating laugh left him. "Well, don't expect me to be cheering you on from the sidelines."
Another heavy beat of silence lingered. He heard Avery's sharp inhale before she finally spoke again. "I hear you loud and clear, Steve. Goodbye."
Steve pulled his phone from his ear, letting out a series of quiet expletives as he watched the phone call end. Damnit - how did that get so off course? He scrubbed a hand across his jaw, scratching against the coarse hair of his beard. The quiet hallway ahead seemed to taunt him, as the leftover silence took over in his mind.
With closed eyes he leaned against the nearest section of the wall, taking in a long breath to try and find his center again. Arguing with Avery like this deviated from their usual level headed discussions. They had been here before - butting heads over something on the surface when deep down, burrowed inside their hearts, the battle was much more complicated.
Steve always had a fight inside him - that told him what was right, that guided himself and his moral compass. To him, the foundation of his soul and what drove him was protecting with his whole heart. And protecting his heart, too.
His heart - Bucky and Avery. If every day he didn't get up and make sure their lives were safe in some way, he would have failed himself and those he loved.
That didn't make him feel any less okay about what had just happened with Avery - raising his voice instead of explaining himself, defending with sharp words instead of soft truths. He was hurt and maybe Avery was too, and God, it had just ricocheted out of control.
Steve's phone buzzed in his hand and when he finally opened his eyes again, seeing Bucky's name flashing on his phone was the least surprising thing. That seemed like just enough time between his call with Avery for her to reach out to Bucky and like clockwork, it was Bucky's turn to play mediator.
The corners of Steve's lips turned up momentarily as he answered. "Hey Buck."
"Hey you. Wanna tell me your side of this story?"
Bucky: everyone needs to be home by 6 for dinner, okay?
Bucky: i'll pick up burritos on my way in from the compound
Bucky: then we are all sitting down and dealing with this
Bucky: this is my 'state of the union' thing or whatever
Avery: fine
Steve: okay
Bucky: i love you both damnit
Avery: remember no cilantro Stevie's burrito, Buck
Avery: and mild salsa only
Steve: grab extra chips and queso for Ave
Steve: she says she doesn't want it but we know she will later tonight
It had been a long day out at the compound for Bucky. He and Sam were still pouring through the information they had collected from Jakob, having a last minute touch base with Alice, Clint and Sharon about what they needed to do next. The general conclusion was to simply wait. To do nothing.
Clint was the most rational about the whole thing. 'To me, it sounds like he gave you a message. He's alive, he's doing his own thing, and he'll reach out again if he needs to. In the meantime, they're trusting us to do something with all this information. So let's focus on that instead of the search.'
Over the last few months they had compiled a lot more data and information, dating back to when the first soldier was reported missing. Plus, now with Jakob's work since his escape, a lot of their paper trails had an ending. Names to faces, origins, backstories - all the blanks could be filled and a final report could be produced. Not that they could understand the gravity of what it meant, at least most of the research was closed.
After all that paperwork, Sam and Bucky hit the gym for a long training session.
Bucky's chest moved up and down slowly, phone pointed upwards in front of his face as he laid out flat on the training mats. Sam had ducked out of the gym to refill their water bottles, just in time for Bucky to field a somewhat incohesive phone call from Avery about a fight she got into with Steve.
It took only a few minutes for him to talk her down, summarizing that yes, maybe her heated discussion with Steve had escalated into an avoidable argument. But it was certainly not a relationship ending thing for them. Although it did make Bucky wonder what had both his partners on edge.
No, he didn't need to wonder. The long dull ache of a cold winter paired with an ongoing missing persons investigation and complicated work schedules had really derailed the balance of their relationship in the last few months.
They were stronger than this, of course. But when things seemed unusually delicate, they all knew that looking inward and figuring out what the heck was driving this conflict was the most logical solution.
Bucky didn't mind taking the lead. This seemed to mostly be a redo of a friendly conversation all three of them had gone through together earlier in the week - with Avery casually pitching her desire to fight at the gym in a real match, all the while icing her legs in the bathtub to alleviate the sting of some new bruises.
Quite frankly, Bucky didn't mind the idea of her fighting. In a controlled environment. But something about her tenacity didn't sit right with Steve, who had brushed the entire thing off as a nonsensical idea that she couldn't be serious about participating in. And they had left it at that, with Bucky being pro self defense and Steve favouring the concept of avoiding any danger altogether.
And well, look where it had left them.
With a sudden oof, Bucky sat up as Sam returned and tossed a water bottle his way.
"All good, grandpa? You were staring at that screen pretty hard." Sam dropped onto a nearby bench and started stretching out his arms, smirking when he caught an eye roll from Bucky.
"Just my two fiery partners keeping things interesting," Bucky replied with a laugh, squinting at his screen once more before discarding it to the side. With a slow breath, he rested his hands over his propped up knees and met Sam's eyes. "Speaking of… fire."
Sam quirked an eyebrow. "Seems like a strange transition."
"I want to talk to you about something." Bucky had been putting off this conversation with Sam for long enough. "I know Ross put a lot of conditions on me during this last contract."
"I mean, for good reason. You did disappear for months in the fall."
"I know, I know. But you managed without me, Sam." Bucky closed his eyes. "I think I'm done with this." With a lazy wrist, Bucky motioned around the training space. "I've been feeling uncertain about my next steps for months but I think I figured out what I want to do. Actually, that's why I was late yesterday morning - I was interviewing with the Chief of the New York Fire Department."
Sam couldn't even hold back his grin, taking a sip of his water before nodding. "You wanna be a firefighter, huh."
Bucky smirked. "I'm a bit of a special case because I'm technically out of the age range for applicants by like 80 years. But they're gonna let me take the written exam in a few weeks and then we'll go from there. I also have to start an annoying discussion with my best friend Everett Ross about an exit plan. I haven't even talked to Steve and Ave about it yet but.. well, I thought you needed to know."
"Shit." Sam's smile was even bigger now, standing up and extending a hand down to help Bucky up from the mat. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but losing you as a partner is going to suck."
Bucky pulled Sam into a hug without hesitation. They both knew that even if they weren't going to work together in the future, they'd still be seeing a lot of each other. But that didn't make this decision any easier for Bucky to come to terms with. Sam being his good natured self about it definitely helped. "Can I get that in writing?"
To Bucky's surprise, Sam tightened the embrace. So, well, Bucky did too. Although he could only imagine the next steps weren't going to go as smoothly, Bucky felt a wash of relief after talking to Sam. Especially when he saw how genuine Sam was, with a wide smile as he clapped Bucky on the shoulder following their hug. "I'm proud of you, man. But keep in mind this means I'll be kicking your ass even harder in the gym from now until you clock out for good."
Avery made it home first. After a long but successful afternoon with Bruce, things felt a bit better for her. But she knew that sorting things out with Steve might not be quick and easy, but they'd figure it out. Her heart rate had picked up when Steve tried to call her during her subway ride home, but she hesitated to answer in such a crowded space.
It would have to wait until they were all home together. Once she could have the Big Serious Conversation with both him and Bucky, outlining all the information Mickey had supplied her earlier, her shoulders would certainly feel lighter.
She reveled in her moments alone in the house though - ditching her layers for a pair of leggings and a big oversized t-shirt from Steve's side of the closet. Then she fed their fur children and tended to her plants, giving special attention to Frank. He had been suffering through the dry winter but she assured him his future outside in the sun was coming soon enough.
Then she waited down in the living room, stretching out on the floor with the animals under the sounds of some old sitcom episodes.
The show only served as a temporary diversion from her thoughts. Over and over again she thought about what she wanted to say to Steve, how she had been so shaken up following what Mickey told her that she took it all out on Steve. How using this whole fight night thing probably wasn't going to help her feel better in the long run, but that she did like how the training process made her feel. And that felt like something she really needed to unpack, too.
The most laughable part of it happened when she texted Travis about if there was still a spot open - she choked and changed her mind. Because she knew, deep, deep down inside, that if both Bucky and Steve weren't going to be there for moral support, she wouldn't be able to commit. Why did she let herself use Steve as a sounding board for all her unspoken worries instead of trying to understand his point of view?
"You're a big dumb idiot, Avery," she murmured to herself, happily accepting a friendly nudge from Rocky as he pushed his nose against her hand. She sighed and turned her attention to the next episode of Brooklyn 99, praying for a quick resolution and warm dinner with her partners in the very near future.
Bucky came home next, not long into Avery's second episode - with his duffle slung off one shoulder and a big paper bag from their favourite burrito place in Park Slope balanced in his hands.
Avery sprung to her feet to help - grabbing the food and moving it to the side, sparing a moment to give him a proper greeting with a kiss. "Hi."
"Hi doll," Bucky replied, shrugging off his coat and following her towards the kitchen. He looked around slowly, pausing to tip his head upwards. "Did I beat Steve home?"
"Mmhmm." Avery left the food on the nearest counter then leaned against it, arms crossed over her chest as she looked at Bucky. "He's probably going over his apology speech in the car while he's stuck in traffic. Even though he deserves an apology from me, not the other way around."
Bucky rolled his eyes and offered her a small grin. "Whatever this is-" Bucky waved his hand at her then stepped forward. "- it's thrown him off, Ave. He sounded real.. sad on the phone when we talked earlier."
Avery groaned dramatically and collapsed forward, leaning her forehead against Bucky's chest. Her voice was muffled. "I'm so dumb. I'm just… this was definitely my fault, I started it and it's not fair to him."
"Do you want to talk about it or wait?"
"I just think… I don't want to have this conversation twice." Avery pulled away. She dragged her bottom lip between her teeth, staring anywhere else in the room but at Bucky.
"Okay, then we wait." Bucky didn't love her change in body language but knew better than to push. "I'm starving though - so why don't we tear into the chips and dips now? Stevie's loss for being so late."
Bucky distracted her with all the right questions - mostly about how her thesis meeting went with Bruce and what her next steps were. She seemed easily consumed by the conversation thankfully and by the time they reached the bottom of the chip bag, Bucky was even offering to let her practice her thesis defense on him when she was ready.
"It'll be pretty boring," Avery said with a shy smile. "Are you sure?"
"I'd listen to you talk about anything, doll." Bucky stood up and headed to the fridge, though he paused to press a kiss to the top of her head. He supposed a second beer wouldn't hurt while they waited for Steve.
Then it finally occurred to him - where was Steve anyway?
Bucky glanced at his watch. It was well past a logical time for Steve to have made it home and usually if he was really detoured or stuck, he sent one of them a message. Bucky looked towards Avery, who was anxiously scrolling through the messages on her phone.
"You heard from him?" She prompted, turning to look over her shoulder. The worried look on her face made Bucky's stomach twist.
"No, nothing." Bucky reached for his phone to triple check he hadn't missed any notifications then let out a long breath. "Maybe he.." God, what was Bucky trying to say? Because this was out of character for Steve. He always communicated if anything out of the ordinary created a change in his travel plans or daily schedule. His day to day routine surely wasn't predictable, but neither was Bucky's or Avery's most days, so it all felt very odd.
Bucky finally found a tiny little unlikelihood in his mind. "Maybe he stopped at the apartment building." It was certainly possible, given how they had slowed down renovating a few of the lower level apartments due to a structural concern. But Steve always called.
Steve always called…
Avery nodded at Bucky's suggestion, though he had a feeling she didn't believe it. With a quiet sigh she returned to the kitchen and transferred their food to the oven, keeping it warm enough for them to eat when Steve finally got home.
"He called me when I was on the subway home, although I didn't answer.." Avery told Bucky, showing her call log to him as he hovered above the kitchen table. "No text to me or the group chat though. Seems odd but maybe I'm just overthinking."
Right? She had to be overthinking. But Steve always checked in, always. Even following their worst fights, he always made contact of some sort.
God, this fight wasn't even that bad. It was merely an argument, even. Unless Avery had grossly misinterpreted her side of the conversation and Steve had been really upset, not just disappointed. She scrunched the bottom of her shirt with one hand, and bit at the nail on her other thumb.
"I'm gonna try him again," Bucky squeezed her shoulder then took a few steps towards the living room.
Avery, on the cusp of a strange unravelling, started doing something stupid. She pulled up both Twitter and a local New York traffic news page, searching for anything recent about accidents with Jeeps in downtown Manhattan. She felt a teeny tiny bit comforted by the lack of related news but damnit, if she didn't start thinking strange worst case scenarios.
She stood in the kitchen while Bucky paced on his phone in the other room. When he came back, his fingers moved quickly across his screen and he looked up at her with a blank face.
Avery sighed. If Bucky was hiding his feelings, she couldn't take that as a good sign.
"No answer. I sent a message to Sam and Banner." Bucky shook his head at her concerned face and did his best to plaster a reassuring smile on his own. "I'm sure Steve is just.."
The fact that Bucky couldn't even finish that sentence didn't help.
Avery nodded. "Yeah."
They returned to the living room and made it through nearly half another episode of the show before the worry pulsing through Bucky's skin got to be too much. "I'm gonna head up to his office on campus, see if he's still there. Then maybe to the apartment building or maybe his old place."
Avery jumped up from the couch to follow him. "I'll come with you."
"No, you should stay here. For when he shows up two minutes after I leave and you can rightfully yell at him for not getting in touch with us, okay?" Bucky threw his arms around her and kissed the top of her head before heading towards the front door.
Avery resisted shaking her head as he pulled on his coat. It felt like her chest was so heavy all of a sudden. "Bucky, we're overreacting, right? Like, his phone died or.."
Bucky nodded. "We're all gonna be laughing about this soon enough." Avery didn't believe him. God, she wanted to but nothing about this felt the least bit funny.
He kissed her one more time, soft and breathless when he pulled away. "Call me the second he comes in the door."
Avery plugged her phone in and turned the volume all the way up, checking the screen every two minutes as it sat on the table beside the couch. With trembling fingers she pulled the chain of her necklace away from her collar, tracing her thumb over the medallion on the end - to try and calm her worries in any way possible.
Bucky texted her updates as he went along, both to make sure she was okay and for the sake of his own stability. After nearly fifteen minutes of sitting and waiting, Avery was on her feet pacing instead with Rocky following behind.
No new texts, no phone calls, nothing from Steve. She pressed play to stream another show but couldn't focus on anything. She counted to ten.
No phone calls. No texts.
Nothing from Steve.
A text from Bucky came through. Steve's office was empty and locked but when Bucky backtracked to the parking garage, the Jeep was gone.
Bucky: i'm sending Sam to check at the VA
Bucky: i'm going to his old apartment
Sure, okay, maybe Steve had gone somewhere after leaving campus - maybe he was still reeling from their fight and needed a safe space to clear his head. It didn't make a lot of sense but she could rationalize it. Without a real answer though, all she could do was keep waiting.
When Bucky finally got back to the house, he wasn't alone. Avery held her breath when she heard someone else at the door and her hopes fell when she saw Sam behind Bucky's shoulder.
"I know I'm not the one you wanted to see, cupcake," Sam said with a soft smile, giving her a small hug as he came inside. "I'm just here to help."
Avery shook her head and squeezed Sam's bicep as they broke apart. "Thanks Sam."
Bucky engulfed Avery in his arms right after, leaving a series of kisses on her forehead before he tipped his head down to look at her. "You doing okay?"
She rolled her eyes. "What do you think?" She dragged her feet behind the two men as they all headed to the kitchen, speculating on what they should do next. Bucky was suggesting the most logical next locations to search - the apartment building, Norma's, Stark Industries…
"Okay, we tried to track his phone with no luck. Seems like it's been turned off." Sam was shifting into a strategy mode, nodding as if trying to piece together a puzzle. "When was the last contact again?" He dropped down into a chair at the dining table. His phone was laid out in front of him, scanning over a map on the small screen while he rotated the wrist device from his suit, tapping to pull out some more data about potential coordinates. "He texted you when he left earlier?" Sam pointed towards Bucky. "What time?"
Before Bucky could answer, Avery gasped. She ran back to the living room to unplug her phone. "Steve called me earlier but the subway was packed so I didn't answer.. But maybe he-"
"Left a voicemail?" Bucky pushed away from the kitchen counter he had been. Avery never checked her goddamn voicemails.
When Avery returned to the table, her phone was on speaker as she called her voicemail inbox. She caught her trembling lip between her teeth as she tapped against the screen, feeling a fraction of relief as Bucky's hand landed on her shoulder.
"You have ONE new voice message and TWENTY - NINE unheard messages. Press 1 to-"
From Steve, just a few hours ago.
"Sweetheart, I know we'll see each other soon enough but I just wanted to tell you that I love you. You know that right? I love you and I'm so proud of you for everything you do. And if you want to fight, okay. I'll get on board. Because if it makes you feel better, if it makes you proud of yourself… I've just gotta be honest - Avery, you're one of the most important people in my life and the idea of you getting hurt scares the shit out of me. Yeah, me, Steve Rogers.. Scared. Promise you won't hold it against me. You're strong Ave, but you've been strong since way before your muscles changed. It's your heart that makes you so strong, your mind, your soul. I know this has probably been my worst speech yet but I'm out of practice so give me a break this time. I love you and I'll see you s–"
He paused. They could hear him groan, though his voice sounded further and further away. "What was tha–"
The line went dead.
Notes from Simmer: hey all! Thank you so much for your patience between updates - post pandemic life has certainly picked up for me again and sometimes writing falls to the back burner, although I'm thinking about this story alllll the dang time. Actually, this whole chapter was an uphill climb for me because I was so nervous about parts of it. BUT I think we are exactly where we need to be now.
Please keep in mind the way I am interpreting the serum may not been entirely accurate to science or what canon says. I did some research on my own and discussed it at length with my partner (who is a huge Marvel nerd) and sort of came up with my own interpretation of the serum and how it may affect their DNA or that of their children in the future.
THANK YOU as always (I am a broken record) to everyone who has been here for the journey! Although I write this story because I enjoy it, I really am grateful to have so many loyal readers along for the ride, too. You make all the difference to me! And I wish I could give you all consensual forehead kisses as a thank you. Every fave, follow, visit and review mean the world.
A big big big thank you especially to those who left a review on the last chapter. I seriously always look forward to hearing your feedback and reactions! Many many many thank yous to: KEZZ 1, Katie MacAlpine, alka16555 (welcome!), Guest, Blue Phoenix 217, alexisrnr16, Winchestergurl4life, and .
Coming up next: the Liberty Protocol.