Hi Readers: What do you think of that twist? Let me know what you think of it. Here's chapter Eighty-Eight.
Chapter Eighty-Eight
Are You Okay?
'I just learned from Kelly that Stella miscarried their first kid; he blew up on her, you might want to go see her.'
The text message that Matt sent her broke her heart. The thought that her best friend learned what it feels like to loose your first child, was horrible. She remembers her loosing her first child like it was yesterday, and it was a horrible feeling. And for Stella to have recently learned that feeling, it was something that she never wanted for her best friend. And that was why she had to do this. She couldn't just let her best friend go through this alone, not when she knows that she needs to be held at the moment. She needs to be held by someone to make her feel better. Whether that be by her, or Kelly; she doesn't care. All that matters is that she gets comfort from someone. And right now, it seems like it's going to be her. But, at the same time; this might be good, as she can understand the feeling that she's having right now. She knows how she feels. And she's going to make sure that Stella knows that, as they sit in bed together and talk about how she feels now.
While this is not what she wanted for her best friend, she knew that it was something that she was going to be able to get past; especially when she's going to help her do it. If Kelly didn't want to help her, then she's going to help her; and she and Matt are going to make sure that they work their way back to each other. It's something that the couple knows all the well, the way that miscarriages/the loss of a child can cause two people who love each other dearly can drift away from each other. And after Gabby lost her child, that happened for a while (right around the time that she was adopting Louie). But now, they are much more solid; and she truly never believes that they will ever break up ever again. However, the same couldn't be said about their best friends; so, the couple now had a new mission right now. They had a mission to keep their best friends together, as they refused to believe that their love for each other wouldn't beat all else; they're meant to be.
But right now, that's not something that they are going to concentrate on; rather, they are going to concentrate on their best friends. Right now, Matt is going to concentrate on Kelly; and she's going to concentrate on Stella, the woman who needs her right now. And she's not going to waste time. Walking right up to her best friend's door, Gabby took a breath as she went ahead and knocked on the door so that she can be let in. She wants to be let in, and she wants to help her best friend; and she won't be taking no for an answer. She's going to get into the room, and she's going to help her. Going to knock on the door, Gabby proceeded to speak to her best friend. "Stella, it's me; it's not Kelly. Can I come in Stella?" Gabby then went to try and open the door, seeing that it was open. She then proceeded to walk in so that she could talk to Stella, and boy was she really going to need some help over this. Gabby could tell that she was hurting as she sat in bed.
"Stella?" Stella then turned her head, finally hearing her best friend talk to her; she then put her head down, not happy. "What are you…" Gabby just looked at her best friend. "Girl, why didn't you tell me why you really wanted to come to Hawaii for Christmas?" Stella took a breath when she heard Gabby say that, just knowing that she knew. "How did you…" Gabby took a breath. "Matt's downstairs with Kelly right now, and he sent me a text saying what's going on. Now, I am going to come sit in bed with you; and we're going to talk." Stella agreed with her best friend when she said that, well aware that she was not going to be able to get away with not talking to her best friend. She then took a breath and went to sit up in a way that they could both get comfortable. Proceeding to open the blankets to Kelly and Stella's bed, Gabby crawled over to her best friend before setting her water bottle down on what is now Kelly's side table for his stay.
Stella then moved close to her best friend, so that they can talk to each other. Closing the covers up on top of the both of them, Stella and Gabby both looked at each other as they knew that this was what they both needed at the moment. They needed to talk woman-to-woman as it was a way for the both of them to make sure that they were okay. And the truth was, Stella didn't know how to feel at the moment. Rather, she was a bit nervous and just needed to try and figure out what she was doing. Looking at her best friend, Stella took a breath and looked at her. "God, I hate that I lied to you as to why I really wanted to come here." Gabby shook her head when Stella said that. "Hey, don't even think that way. I love that you came here girl, because it's the perfect place for you to come so that you can deal with this; with someone who knows how to deal with this right now. I know what it's like to lose a child." Stella agreed with Gabby when she said that, well aware of it.
"I just couldn't tell him. I was so scared of what was going to happen, as I didn't want him to loose another kid." Gabby knew exactly what she was talking about when she said that, as she was referring to how excited Kelly was when Renee was pregnant with "his" child. That was something that was stolen from him, and he's still recovering from that. They both know that's the case. "Sweetie, I know what you're talking about; and I hope you know that you never needed to hide this stuff from him. He's the dad girl, he should've known." Stella sighed when Gabby said that, well aware that was the case. "I just hope that this doesn't put everything that we have at risk. I don't want to lose him Gabby." Gabby shook her head when Stella said that, not even wanting her to think that she would lose that man; the man who's crazy for her. They both know that's the case. Kelly is madly in love with Stella, and they are going to be together for a long time. It's just the truth.
"Honey, Kelly loves you; and that's always going to be the truth. I really hope that you know that."
Stella's POV:
Taking a breath when I heard Gabby tell me that Kelly loves me, and that he'll always love me; I took a breath due to the fact that I should've known that. But I was just so scared, especially after his dad just died. "But he just lost so much. I mean, his dad died; and I didn't want to add more." Gabby took a breath when I said that, clearly seeing where I was coming from at the moment. "Oh god, I can see why you decided to wait to tell him. I know that this is really hard on the both of you." I nodded, agreeing with Gabby when she told me that; I knew that she would understand. But now, I am questioning whether I did the right thing. I mean, did I do the right thing? Or did I do the wrong thing? I have still yet to figure that out. Just looking at my best friend, I stared at her. "Are you doing okay though girl? I hate that you're dealing with his alone." I sighed when she said that, well aware that I have been dealing with his alone for a while. "I hate that part too but.."
Gabby then went to finish my thought. "You were scared of what it might do to him." I agreed with her. "I'm stupid for doing that, aren't I?" Gabby just stopped me from thinking that. "Hey, don't even think that way girl. You aren't stupid for thinking that way…" I agreed with Gabby when she told me that, continuing to just listen to her so that I could hear her out. She just must know what to say to me right now, so I am going to listen to her. "…you were worried for him, and what he's thinking about right now." I agreed with Gabby when she said that, well aware that she knows the both of us better than anybody. She's been friends with the both of us for a while, with Kelly being her friend for a very long time. She's known him (almost) as long as Matt, but much longer than me. "Honestly Stella, I think he couldn't take the news. I mean, he was great when we went through what we went through; and he really helped Matt get through that." I agreed with her.
"I hate the fact that I just felt like I couldn't tell him, I mean earlier than now; I should've told him but…" Gabby then stopped me. "Hey, don't you dare say another word girl. Just listen. You also needed to do what you thought you were okay with doing at the same time. If you weren't ready to tell him that you miscarried, then you didn't have to tell him as you are the person who has to be okay first. I am sure that he feels the same way girl, and he's going to feel that way after Matt talks to him. Remember, he's always wanted to be a dad; and he was broken after we miscarried." I agreed with her, just taking a breath. "I wish I told you sooner though." Gabby shook her head. "Did you even know that you were pregnant?" I sighed. "I found out a couple weeks ago, and I was going to tell him over Christmas." Gabby took a breath. "That would've been the perfect Christmas gift for him." I agreed with Gabby when she said that. "I found out three days ago."
Gabby agreed with me when I said that, taking a breath. "So, you're still dealing with it too." I nodded when Gabby asked me that. "Yeah, I am." Gabby just took a breath. "Honey, I get exactly how you're feeling. You weren't ready to tell him about it." I nodded, agreeing with my best friend when she told me that. "I still should've told him." Gabby shook her head when I said that. "Only when you were ready to do it girl. I really mean that, because I know exactly how it feels for another reason." I was confused when I heard Gabby say that. "What are you talking about girl?" Gabby took a breath and sighed.
Gabby's POV:
As I thought back to this past summer, and one of the reasons that I didn't come back earlier; I just felt horrible, because I knew exactly how Stella felt. Yet, I haven't shared this with anybody other than Matt so far. But now, I feel like I need to share it. I need to share the story that I've only told Matt so far. But now, I am going to tell Stella. "Okay, I am going to tell you something; something that I have yet to tell anybody other than Matt. And it will explain a lot." Stella just seemed confused when I said that. "What's going on Gabby? Oh shit, did you loose one of the…" I went to stop her. "Oh god, no. Please. Don't even think that way." Stella agreed with me when I said that. "Sorry girl." I shook my head when Stella said that. "Hey, it's okay. I know, this is the topic that we're talking about right now. It's a hard one." Stella agreed.
Taking a breath, I just looked at my best friend as I can't believe that I was even sharing this. I have never really liked to share this time of thing, and I didn't think I would have to share this with Stella; but I feel like I need to right now as it will help her know that I really understand. Taking a breath, I just looked at my best friend to tell her. "Okay, so this past summer…there was another reason why I did an extension in Puerto Rico." Stella agreed with me. "Which one?" I took a breath. "The July extension." Stella agreed with me when I said that, well aware of just what extension I was talking about; as we originally had plans for my birthday. "I still hate that you didn't let me celebrate your birthday with you." I smiled when she said that. "I didn't get sex from my husband either, so shut up." Stella agreed with me, nodding as I said that.
"Yeah, I could tell that Matt was a bit grumpy that day." I shook my head when Matt said that. "Well, he didn't have any right as it was MY birthday. But getting past that, there was actually a reason why I didn't come back." Stella agreed with me. "What was it girl? Talk to me." I took a breath when I heard Stella say that, knowing that I can really tell her anything; and I also know that she's going to understand everything that I'm about to tell her. "Okay, so here's the thing. The reason I didn't come back was due to the fact that I just suffered a miscarriage a week before I was due to fly back." Stella just seemed heartbroken when I said that. "Oh god." I agreed with Stella when she told me that. "Yeah, so that was why I didn't come back. But I came back a month later, and I just couldn't tell Matt at the time because we just had a lot to talk about." Stella agreed with me when I said that, proceeding to grab my hand. "Girl, you've been through WAY too much."
Stella then took a breath. "The both of you have." I agreed with Stella when she told me that, well aware that was the case. And I hated the fact that we've gone through so much. "Yeah, we have gone through a lot, and I just hate the fact that we're still dealing with it. But right now, we're doing a lot better…and that's all that matters at the end of the day." Stella agreed with me when I said that. "And that's actually something that I want you to know, that there will be times where you guys will have downs in your relationship; and this is definitely one of those times. You just need to take it easy and relax with him. You need to tell him what you need from him, and you need to make sure that he gives you what you need." Stella agreed with me when I said that, smiling at me. "How did I get so lucky to have you as my best friend?" I smiled when Stella asked me that, proceeding to hug her. "I hate that you're dealing with this right around Christmas girl."
Stella agreed with me when I said that, just holding me as we both relaxed with each other.
Back downstairs with Matt and Kelly, the host made his way out onto the back porch of his and Gabby's home with a beer as he didn't care that it was the morning; he needs a drink right now, so that's exactly what he's going to get with him. "Here, take this and we can talk." Turning his head, Kelly agreed with his best friend when he saw that there was a beer in his hand. "In the morning?" Matt shrugged. "I think that you need it more than you're really concerned with the time." Kelly agreed with his best friend when he said that, as that was truly the case. He then went to grab it and just took a breath as he held it close to him. Afterwards, Matt proceeded to move to sit down in one of the other chairs that they have on the porch. Taking off his sandals, Matt then put his feet up and went to take a sip of his beer. "God, I feel like such an idiot right now." Matt looked at his best friend when he said that. "Hey, you have no idea how you're going to react."
Kelly just looked at Matt when he said that, shaking his head. "Still, I didn't have to react THAT way. I mean, I yelled at her when she feels like crap." Matt agreed with his best friend when he said that, clearly able to see that he was still dealing with his right now. And he really hated that it was the case. He shouldn't have to deal with this right now, not when he deserves to be a father. Kelly would be a great dad, and he knows that. But still, Matt knows that he has a lot of bad feelings right now. "You hate the fact that you yelled at her like that." Kelly agreed with his best friend, taking a breath when he heard Matt say that. "I mean, wouldn't you feel that way if you yelled at Gabby?" Matt took a breath when he heard Kelly say that, proceeding to take a sip of his beer. "Trust me man, I know exactly how you feel." Kelly turned to look at Matt when he said that. "You didn't yell at Gabby when she lost your first kid." Matt shook his head when he said that.
"But I did yell at her when we thought that she had an aneurysm, and she still wanted to go ahead with getting pregnant with our first kid." Kelly looked at Matt when he said that. "I told her that this is her fault because she didn't stop working." Matt sighed when he heard Kelly say that, well aware that it was the worst thing that he could've said. "Oh boy, I'm sorry man but…you really screwed up there. However, I can't really judge you because I said something worse to my wife, which is way worse than saying it to your girlfriend." Kelly turned to look at his best friend when he said that. "What'd you say to Gabby?" Matt sighed when Kelly asked him what he said to Gabby. "Okay, so this was after a hard shift. Her last one before she went MIA from shift." Kelly agreed with Matt when he said that, well aware of the exact shift that he was talking about. Everybody knows the shift, because it's the last time that they've ever worked with Gabby at the firehouse.
"What'd you say?" Matt sighed. "Remember, this is when I was still under the impression that she had an aneurysm." Kelly agreed with Matt when he said that, proceeding to listen to his best friend. "I told Gabby that she can't have a baby."
Kelly's POV:
When I heard Matt tell me that he told his wife during a fight, that she CAN'T have a baby; I just knew that he was telling me the truth, that he truly did say something worse than I did…especially when Gabby is his wife. "Yikes, that really is the wrong thing to say. Wait, and she forgave you for saying that to her?" Matt sighed. "It took us months, but we did figure it out while we were on the road trip. I explained to her what I meant because I have experience in this." I was shocked when he said that. "She's the only woman you've ever gotten pregnant!" Matt sighed when I said that. "But she's not the first woman I love, whom I could've saved. You see, I see it this way…I'm the one that gets her pregnant, right?" I nodded when he said that. "I know how a woman gets pregnant." Matt laughed when I said that, well aware that was the case as he went to take a sip of his beer once again. "Okay, can you just let me explain this. There's a way that I have to say this."
I agreed with Matt when he said that, deciding to let him speak. "Okay, so you know that I already lost Hallie. That's obvious." I agreed with Matt when he said that, nodding. "And she was the first woman I lost, and Gabby is the only woman I have really loved as her…and when Hallie died, I felt like I failed her and couldn't save her. And I guess, I still blame myself for that." I agreed with him. "Okay, so how does this relate to Gabby?" Matt sighed. "I get her pregnant, baby presses on aneurysm, aneurysm kills Gabby." I then thought about it. "So, if I'm the one who starts the process of getting her pregnant which later kills her; then I feel like I'm at fault." I agreed with Matt when he said that, understanding what he was saying. "Yeah, I can follow that logic." Matt agreed with me. "It was only after Gabby came back that she understood that, so I am well aware of the problem that you find yourself in right now." I agreed with him, taking a breath right now.
Matt's POV:
As I thought back to what I said to Gabby, I still couldn't believe that I said that; after all, I am still not proud that I even said those things to the woman I love. She's the woman of my dreams, and I am not proud to have told her all of that when she is the woman of my dreams. It was the worst thing that I could've ever said, and I know that for a fact. "You're thinking about it now?" I agreed with Kelly when he asked me that, taking a breath. "It's one of those days you can't forget. There's some days that just stick with me: the day Andy died, the day Hallie died, the day we lost our baby, our wedding, me saying goodbye to Gabby, and the fight that I had with Gabby which I thought was going to end our marriage." Kelly looked at me when I said that. "You still relive Andy's death?" I sighed, agreeing with my best friend when he asked me if I still relive Andy's death. "Yeah, and it's getting worse." I then took a beath while looking at my beer. "How can it get worse?"
I sighed. "Because I'm going to be a dad to two sons." Kelly looked at me when I said that. "You're having twin boys?" I agreed with Kelly when he asked me that. "Yeah, I am. So, it's hitting close to home. I mean, I love the fact that me and Gabby are having sons; but it's just hard because I still remember the look on Ben and Griffin's face when me and Heather told them that their dad died." Kelly looked at me when I said that. "What?" I just looked down, taking a breath. "You never told me that you were there when Heather told the boys." I nodded, agreeing with Kelly when he asked me whether I was there when Heather told the boys that their father died in a fire. "I felt like I had a duty to be there when she did it, to give Heather support; and I also felt like I had a duty as his Lieutenant, and as their godfather to let them know that I would always be there for them." Kelly just looked at me when I said that, unable to believe that I actually did that.
"God, I can't even imagine how hard that could've been." I agreed with Kelly when he said that. "Add in the fact that you were always at my throat for having led to him dying, and I was having a hell of a time at the time. And my engagement was also going down hill, and I was having a hell of a time." Kelly was a bit confused. "Your engagement was going down hill." I nodded. "Me and Hallie hadn't been living together for like 3 months before that fight we had. Actually, when I went home that day we had that fight…Hallie gave me her engagement ring back, and I thought that we were over. So things were hell in my life at the time." Kelly took a breath when I said that, still in disbelief that he's finding out all of this right now. "God, I am so sorry that I am just learning about all of this right now." I agreed with Kelly when he said that. "Believe me man, there was a lot going on behind the scenes that you didn't know about. At least you had Shay, I had nobody to talk to."
I then took a breath and just tried to relax. "I didn't even have my best friend to talk about it. I didn't have my best friend, or my fiancé to talk about it with. And I couldn't talk to Heather about it, because she was dealing with her emotions and the boys. So, I had nobody to talk about it with; add in all my duties as a lieutenant, and having to train a new candidate…and it was hell. God, I hated having Peter at first; and it was due to the fact that he was in Andy's seat. I still struggled with saying Mills rather than Darden at first. And god, I had the worst floater for a while. I was stuck with Johnston." Kelly looked at me when I said that, well aware of who I am talking about. "Oh damn." I agreed with him when he said that. "Yep. I had a hard time right then." Kelly shook his head and smiled at me. "I'm sorry man." I agreed with him, smiling as we both just looked at each other. "God, I actually had a dream recently about something related to Andy." Kelly looked at me when I said that.
"And what's that?" I smiled at him. "The Shay-Darden-Severide Memorial Health Clinic at Gaffney Medical Center."