Chapter 11

***Chapter contains violence, rape***

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She said whatever she could think of to appease him when he'd come for her that night; cried, begged, promised to do anything he wanted – anything if he would just forget about that room, forget about the people waiting, forget why they'd come. He smiled slyly and took her up on that offer for anything, pushing her down on her knees as he stood looking down at her.

"Go ahead darlin, take it out!" he ordered. She hung her head in defeat as a sob wretched from her throat and her shoulders shook softly from her cries; her mind racing at the realization of what she was about to do but knowing that she had no real choice. She couldn't go back to that room, she couldn't…

"Hell, if all you gonna do sit there and cry…" he said as he grabbed her wrist and feigned pulling her toward the door.

"NO!" she cried "Please…I'll do it" that last part fell from her lips in a broken whisper…the very last of her dignity falling with it. slowly, she rose up on her knees and weeping silently. With trembling hands she reached for his belt buckle, fighting the nausea that was raging in her stomach, so sickened was she at the thought of what she was about to do that she gagged as her fingertips undid the button on his jeans and slid the zipper down and she had to force the bile back.

"Keep goin" he ordered, all-too-amused at the sight before him. Her tears continued falling in steady torrents as she nervously pulled his jeans down, letting them rest around his thighs and he grinned, quite pleased with himself when he felt her trembling hand on his shaft. He knew right in that moment that he'd finally succeeded, that the last vestige of her pride was being shed right then and there. He'd won. He'd broken her.

"Now open up that pretty mouth and give it to daddy nice and sloppy like a good whore!" he demanded then snatched her hair in his fist, yanking her head back so that she was looking up at him. "Be sure to swallow" he then said with a smile.

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"If Billy could see me now!" he gloated, buckling his belt as he made his way to the bathroom while she heaved violently into the toilet. He stood there in the doorway and looked down at her as her stomach lurched a final time and its contents spilled from her mouth.

"Wrap it up, time is money!" those words sliced through her and she pulled away from the toilet, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth as she looked up at him with absolute terror in her eyes.

"But you said…"

"No…see that's where you're wrong darlin" he informed her while wrapping his huge hand around her upper arm and pulling her up from the floor "I didn't say shit, but that didn't stop you from assumin now did it?"

"Please" she begged, pulling her body in the opposite direction but his grip was strong and he pulled her harder in his direction. "No, no I did what you wanted…" she was crying now, trying desperately to get away from him even to the point of throwing herself down to the floor where she began to grovel at his feet

"Please, I'll be good, I promise I'll be good!" she cried but he'd already made up his mind, becoming more angered at her pleading with each passing second until he could take no more and sent the back of his hand flying across her face then effortlessly picking her up from the floor and carrying her kicking and screaming downstairs, having to chase her twice when she'd broken from his hold and ran hysterically back to her room, trying desperately to shut herself in and screaming 'no' again and again at the top of her lungs as he dragged her out; her screams never stopping until quite some time later when her voice had given out during the insanity that she'd been subjected to for the second time in that room downstairs.

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The first time after being taken down there six weeks ago, it took her a week to physically recover from what took place; a whole week during which she sank even deeper into herself. She didn't see Harlan much during this time, whatever it was that kept him busy outside this existence, kept him away from her, much to her gratitude. He would only pop in to bring food and then disappear. The food would go untouched and she would just lie there in bed, staring off into the distance without blinking and while rocking herself, softly humming some made up tune.

This time around after the men paid Harlan and left as the sun was breaking through the night sky, she decided that she was done. She was completely out of it, lying there on that bed after being brutalized all night and when Harlan dragged her upstairs, back to her room she didn't bother crawling to the shower like she usually did, nor did she try to convince herself that it would be ok if she'd just hold on a little longer. No, she was done holding on and this time she just sank to the cool floor of the dark room, lying there helplessly in the corner by the door. There wasn't an inch of her that hadn't been traumatized and her whole body was screaming in pain. She lay there exhausted, bleeding, naked and sobbing while her fingertips caressed the only thing she had to remind her of her old life – the fearlessness pendant that hang from her neck. Right now, that life seemed so far away and she found her mind drifting again.

"Not so fearless now, are we?" Lewis mocked after she'd begged for dear life and then screamed bloody murder after he'd branded her with the keys to her apartment that first night, pressing them onto her stomach and grinning maniacally as they seared away the delicate skin and into her flesh…the pain had actually caused her to lose consciousness. But even then, even when no one else knew or could see, he did. Even when she herself was convinced of her own façade, he saw her weakness, he'd somehow known that she was thisclose to falling apart and it was ultimately why he'd chosen her.

"You're the strongest person I know…"

During her recovery, Brian had said those words to her more times than she could count. He had been her rock throughout; her beautiful surprise; never having thought that they would end up being what they'd become to one another. Brian hadn't challenged her like David had. He never made her want to dig deeper or see the bigger picture. What they had was what it was; simple and uncomplicated and it was a breath of fresh air because it was the first time in her life that she could just be without over-thinking it and she loved him for that even though she never told him, or he, her but that was just who they were, they didn't feel a need to complicate it with such things. Still she couldn't help but wonder if things might have been different if they had.

Her tears came harder. She suddenly missed him with every fiber of her being right now and she wondered if he was okay… what must he be thinking throughout all of this; what they all must be thinking – surely that she's dead. They'd be right. She was tired- had been for a long time and was surprised that she'd lasted this long under the circumstances but right now, as far as she was concerned, there was no life left in her and therefore no reason to hold on.

So why should I? She wondered as she closed her fist around the pendant and pulled it from her neck, popping the chain in one swift motion. Suddenly, Beach house and Sealview appeared.

"Olivia…Olivia what are we doing?" Sealview cried but Olivia paid no attention, her eyes blinded by the heavy tears that suddenly appeared as she opened her palm and lifted the pendant from it.

"Olivia…" Sealview called again only to be met with more silence, quickly turning to Beach house "Do something!" she cried frantically to her future past self.

"Benson, look at me!" Beach house demanded "we did not survive what we went through with this wanker's son just to end it like this! Damn it, are you listening to us?!" she yelled angrily.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and let the last of her tears fall, not even stopping to think about the people who loved her and would be devastated or the life inside her that was depending on her for it's survival…she still hadn't come to accept that fact. She simply wanted out and that was exactly her plan when she held the corner of her pendant to her wrist and pushed it until it pierced her skin, sending blood flowing in heavy drops. She cried out at the initial shock of pain but just bit her lip and drew in sharp breaths through her nose as she pushed it in deeper, applying extreme pressure to make it cut and proceeded to drag it across her wrist, fighting to hold in her scream as the metal tore through her flesh but she didn't stop until she'd sliced her wrist open, then allowed the bloody pendant to slip through her fingertips and onto the floor beside her; steadying her breathing as the pool of blood rapidly grew larger. The pain would soon be over… all of this would soon be over. And as she lay there, watching as the river of crimson flowed freely from her torn left wrist – the same wrist that Junior had broken last spring, and she gave a faint smile as she heard a voice calling to her, begging her not to let go but there was nothing left. Nothing left to hold on to anymore, least of all him. She wasn't afraid. Even as the voice continued calling to her begging, pleading with her, she just watched her life pouring out her and did nothing to stop it. She simply waited for the silence.

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I'm sorry…