Hi people. Sorry for the wait, it's been a tough time writing this one but I got it all straight. Thanks everyone who's still with me, since this stroke, writing has been hard but thanks everybody for your encouragement, you've made it a lot easier.
That being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters and Doc and Harlan... Sadly they're mine.
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"Liv, I need to know that you're okay. Please, call me back."
Elliot knew it was a mistake to leave her and he'd done it against his better judgement but looking to respect what she wanted, he left anyway. (although he did hang outside her door for about a half hour, that's when it hit him that she wasn't joking when she threw him out) Now, as he sat on the road outside Harlan's house where he'd come after leaving her this morning and ending yet another call to her, he had to admit that he was worried and he didn't know why. Knowing Olivia she was probably listening to those calls he made and ignoring them.
"That would be her..." He thought, smiling for a moment as memories of who Olivia used to be flooded his mind then just as quickly disappeared. "But she's not that woman anymore." It hurt him to think it, shamed him even but he'd seen the look in her eyes, the blank look with no life behind it and suddenly the urge to kill those men overwhelmed him! He screamed repeatedly, hitting the steering wheel again and again, eventually breaking down into tears that he couldn't stop and just sat there sobbing for his friend.
In New York City, in Olivia's apartment, she lay in her living room, curled up in a fetal position on the sofa. She'd had a long cry after Elliot left. Cried until her tears ran out and then she just lay there; unmoving, unspeaking. She just lay there, perfectly still though she wasn't trying, with the sunlight shining through the windows from the curtains which were always drawn open even in the rain and wind. She lay there and it was as if she were in a daze, a blank mind for the longest time until she started to think.
"Do you see this?" She pushed up her sleeve and forced Fin to look at her arm. "I did this because near the end I gave up and I- I wanted to die so with the last bit of strength I had that night I tore off my necklace and I sliced my wrist open."
She wished that she had succeeded. In the 5 weeks since she had escaped from Harlan's house, she had found it a bigger hell just being able to adjust to the world around her and try as she might, she couldn't. Not when every face around her had a secret, every person she saw from her window and the couple times she'd been forced to go out for medical appointments all she could see were men with sick, sad thoughts and she often wondered who they were hurting. Maybe it was a little girl or teenager; or maybe it was a woman like herself- Like herself... I'm not even like myself anymore. She thought, and she wondered if where Harlan was, he could see and was proud. He must be dancing around the fires of hell with Billy at the mess they made; a mess that I can't seem to put back in focus and why should I? The world would go on without me!
"It would, ya know." A voice came from behind her. She shut her eyes to the noise that was Billy. "...go on without you; not that it wouldn't have anyway but now you get the picture."
She didn't bother telling him to leave because in her heart she knew he was right.
"So we agree? Gotta say Olivia..." He took a seat beside her on the couch. "it's about time! See I knew when you made that pitiful attempt at Harlan's that he'd come and stop you. There's no way that he would let you just go with his baby like that...by the way, do you miss those days?" He said close to her ear, trying to rile a response from her but there was none other than the tears that fell from her eyes and trickled onto the sofa.
"You do don't you? You miss being Harlan's; gettin fucked whenever he wanted it; whenever the guys wanted it... Let's be honest Olivia, you don't even know who's baby you're carrying."
That got a response and she screamed "shut up!" while she turned, trying to escape him.
"What's the matter? Can't stand hearing the truth? That you're just one big slut and you took it like a champ for weeks? I mean how many did you take that week? Let's see, there was Bob, Earl, Phil- can't forget Phil, and James- all four of em bangin you out all week after Daddy got his first."
"Shut up!" She began crying as she sat up.
"But you didn't exactly tell anyone about that did you? Boy I bet you were in heaven the first time you took em all as a group weeks later!"
"I don't want you here!" She cried with her eyes closed and her hands to her ears as she slid down.
"Don't worry..." He said looking at her in mock pity and smirking. "I'll be back...I always come back!" Then he disappeared. Leaving her again in tears on the floor. She needed Fin!
As Elliot walked the rooms of that house, exploring each of them, he felt an anger rise in him with every step he took. Every foot of that place was a reminder, every inch a personal hell for Olivia. He thought exploring this house would give him an understanding for what she'd gone through in it's walls but now all he wanted to do was hit something. He walked the basement, exploring the 3 rooms down there. He saw the remnants of what had been left there by the police; D-rings that hung from the ceiling and floor, large enough to put chains through, as well as a set on the wall. When he went further in he could see the mattress set and the large stains on it, some of them blood with a large square cut out from where the police had come through. That was enough to tell him that he needed to leave the basement and he quickly got out of there feeling sick and headed upstairs.
Just as a neighbor, Andrew was getting off the elevator, he was surprised to see Nick standing outside Olivia's door looking uncomfortable.
"You gonna ring the doorbell?" The neighbor started.
"I have and she's not answering." He turned his attention back to the door. "Liv it's Nick!'
"How long have you been out here?"
"Almost ten minutes...I know, I know...you think I'm crazy."
"I don't. Listen if there's any trouble I'm just down the hall.
"Thanks Andrew."
... ... ...
Inside the apartment, Olivia was in the bathroom in the shower, scrubbing at her skin as she cried, thoughts running rampant through her head; Faith, that night, the first time he raped her; the last time he raped her...the men that she couldn't stand to remember so she blocked them out and denied it ever happened all these months. She cried harder as she scrubbed until she dropped the brush and she sank to the floor of the shower and sat there, huddled in the corner with her arms around her knees reciting over and over through her tears and in a whisper:
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine...
... ... ...
"Liv..." Nick reiterated, suddenly the door across the way opened up and a woman stepped out.
"Why don't you take that racket somewhere else before I call the cops?" She screamed. Nick lost his temper and quickly flashed his badge in her face.
"I am the cops, so why don't you go and mind your own business?" She huffed and went back into her own apartment.
"Liv?"
... ... ...
She was in that same position, curled in the corner still mumbling as she cried with her hands over her ears as if trying to block out a noise. The water was beginning to go cold but she sat their as if she were oblivious to everything around her.
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine...
"Wanna play a game?" Lewis said from above the shower doors as he looked down on her. She didn't look up and instead sat there.
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine...
"Oliii-viaaa!" He said before opening the shower door and stepping in, kneeling down in front of her fully dressed in jeans, a tee shirt and work boots.
I'm fine. I'm fine...
"Oh I get it...this is the part where you pretend you don't see me. That could be fun!" He said suddenly appearing behind her.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
"Now this...this is what I like!" He exclaimed, his hands caressing her body. She stopped and let out a scream from deep inside her but was powerless to move.
... ... ...
"Olivia... Olivia I'm coming in!" When he heard nothing, he unlocked the door and went inside.
"Olivia? Liv?" After checking the rest of the apartment, he wandered into the bathroom and saw her just sitting there in the corner of the shower.
"Liv?" But she couldn't hear him and when he realized, he turned off the water which was cold by now and when when he looked at her, sitting there in tears his heart broke. "Oh Liv!"
He grabbed a bath towel and draped it over her before picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom.
Minutes later she still sat unresponsive and crying and Nick decided that he needed to do something. It was like she was stuck in a mental loop and he couldn't get her to come out of it.
"Liv...I'm gonna get you to a doctor but I need to put some clothes on you...I'm sorry." He grabbed an old tee shirt and leggings from the drawer. "I'll be quick." And with that he kneeled in front of her and hesitated before he removed her towel. He took a deep breath and did it quickly and just as quickly, what he noticed left him speechless but just as quick as he noticed, he dressed her just as fast. Not taking a moment to linger.
At the hospital, Murphy stood with the other officers waiting to hear something about Fin. He had been brought into the hospital over an hour ago and rushed into surgery, so far they'd heard nothing and more fear was setting in the more time that passed.
"I got here as fast as I could." Amanda said as she ran inside. She was clearly coming undone and this shooting was showing itself to be the last straw. "How is he?"
"Waiting to find out." Murphy said. Suddenly the doctor appeared and all eyes turned towards her.
"Doctor?"
She was silent for a long moment in which all of them caught the message; or they thought they did.
"He's alive. Extremely weak and unstable but he's alive. They're moving him to intensive care where he'll be under watch."
Amanda nearly collapsed against Murphy she was so relieved. Now came the worry.
"Can I see him? Please!"
"I'm sorry, but until he's more stable, I can't allow any visitors. I need to talk with Olivia Benson, is she here?" The doctor asked.
"No, she's... It would be better if you talked to me." Amanda said through her tears.
"You're Rollins?"
"Yes."
"Come with me." Amanda looked back at Murphy and the other cops. Murphy nodded, and Amanda followed the doctor.
At St. Mary's hospital, Amaro was waiting to hear from the doctor about Liv. He'd gotten her there as fast as he could and all the while he prayed that she would snap out of it to no avail. The whole ride to the hospital it was like she wasn't even there, just sitting, staring blankly while tears streamed her face. God knows he hated to pity Olivia, but he'd never felt so heartbroken and so lost for anyone and he wished to god that Harlan was alive and that he'd have had more time with Doc; that he'd have had time with any of them. He remembered in his anger that day that he'd stopped Elliot from stomping the living hell out of Doc only to realize who the man was and then wish he hadn't. Once again he found himself asking "How could they?"
He looked at his watch then turned right around and nervously looked at the clock on the wall. 2:45PM. She'd been taken back an hour ago so why hadn't he heard anything? He should go back there, what if they were hurting her, causing her pain? What if they they weren't careful with the baby? The baby... Holy hell how did he miss that?
"All this time... Liv what did they do to you?" He wondered out loud. Just then, the doctor approached.
"Mr. Amaro?"
"Tell me she's alright!"
"We don't know know yet"
"You don't... What do you mean you don't know yet?" Nick said, he could feel himself becoming antsy.
"I mean we can't talk to her; Mr. Amaro, she's suffered a nervous breakdown. I'm sorry but until she shows signs of improving we won't know what we're dealing with.
"Nervous breakdown?" He wiped the tears that had come from his eyes. "How...?"
"Mr. Amaro..."
"Nick...please"
"Nick. I know that you said upon bringing her in that you thought she was pregnant; is there anything that maybe you've not told me?" Nick dropped his head as more tears came and he wiped them before looking up at her.
"She um... She..." His voice dropped and broke as he cried. "She was raped, and this baby...it- I think it's a result of that."
After wandering through the house, room for room, seeing where Olivia was held for all those months, Elliot came to the last room at the end of the hall on the second floor; the room where she'd been held. He didn't know why he felt the need to be here, especially after seeing Olivia, especially after telling himself that he didn't need to- he'd seen the horror on her face, felt it every time he talked to her so why did he need to be here? The best he could do is say he wanted to understand what she went through but he could never understand, looking at rooms and beds and stains from bodily fluids would never tell him the absolute horror she suffered at Harlan Lewis' hands. It wouldn't make him understand the sheer terror she lived in for three months, the utter fear. She was at this man's mercy; no help, no hope. Simply at his mercy for three entire months. She had to do what he wanted, what his friends wanted and knowing Olivia he knew that it didn't go over well; he could see the bloodstains on the floor, even in the bathroom where she'd tried to clean it up. He'd beaten the hell out of her multiple times, probably much worse than the way she looked when he first saw her... He still cringes from that moment, seeing what he'd done to her, his beautiful, fierce Olivia, the one who never backed down was now afraid of her own shadow.
He looked at the window, thick glass blocks that just let in light if there was any and because he saw no lamp, no light switch, he assumed that it was the only light this room got. He looked at the bed littered with fluids just like the one downstairs but this one even more so and again he was made sick. He had to get out of here. Sure, this room could tell him so much more, help him piece so much more together but one thing he was certain of- the Olivia Benson that he left three years ago, she died in this house!
In the prison infirmary, Doc sat thinking of what he'd do with the freedom he was sure to gain from the deal he made with the DA. Surely they'd trade a rape in exchange for murder victims and if he could swing immunity from the murders he'd be home free.
"Lavon, has the ADA arrived?" He said to the nurse who was on duty. The nurse looked up from his nails and rolled his eyes.
"Let's see; if the ADA were here, you'd be talking to her now wouldn't you? But imma say since you ain't talking to nobody but me- she ain't here!" And he rolled his eyes again before he turned back to his nails and started filing them, watching TV while he did.
"You know, I could report you!" He said, wiggling his handcuffs trying to scratch himself but finding it hard with both hands bound.
"Okay first, that's annoying. Second, I get off in less than an hour, so unless yo lil rapin ass wanna-" the phone suddenly rang and Lavon muted the television. "Infirmary...uh huh...uh huh...okay. Yes ma'am!" After hanging up he turned and went back to Doc. "You got a visitor."
"The ADA?" Lavon quietly rolled his eyes again before checking Doc's handcuffs to make sure they were secure, just as the guard knocked, bringing the ADA down.
"We'll be right outside, Raymund." The guard spoke before leaving.
"Have a seat." Doc offered. He didn't like being nice to this bitch any more than he had to. Especially since Eunice Raymond wasn't much to look at- skinny, blonde with crooked teeth and eyebrows that were too much. Would it kill this chick to pluck?
"I don't plan on being here long, I'll stand." She said quite icily.
"I want out of here."
"I want a million dollars"
Bitch
"I mean it. I want out"
"Mr. Taylor-"
"I know where there are human bodies buried; seven of them..."
He had her interest.
... ... ...
Twenty minutes later, interest had been lost when a call came to the prison directly from the DA, telling her to get back to the office. She tried explaining that Taylor was in the midst of revealing the locations of the remains of seven missing girls, that he had already provided their names and she was thisclose to getting locations.
"Is this in connection with Harlan Lewis, aka Lucius Holmes?" The DA asked.
"Yes, how did you...?"
"Tell Robert Taylor no deal and get down here...there's something you definitely should see." And he hung up.
It had begun raining in Pennsylvania, which made the scene at Harlan's place even more surreal. Way back on the property, Elliot was taking a walk to calm his stomach before he left and stumbled into an old barn when it started to rain. There in the barn he began exploring and he noticed the ground, how it was off level in some areas. His training as a cop told him there might be something there so when he found a shovel and started digging, he expected to find anything except what he did and immediately took out his phone and called the authorities. And now as he stood there looking on as the FBI cleared not one, but five bodies and were still digging, the DA felt sick and turned away as he felt his stomach turning.
"You alright?" Elliot asked.
"No. This just keeps getting bigger and bigger!" DA Michaels said as he looked out upon the mass grave.
"I have to go" The ADA said upon returning to the infirmary.
"But we're not finished."
"Um, actually we are"
"But I didn't finish..."
"No need. We'll be in touch"
"So I get my deal?"
"Not in this lifetime. But let me know how this all ends for you! Good day Mr. Taylor."
"But..." He said desperately.
"Good day!" She reiterated without further eye contact and buzzed the bell to let herself out as the nurse came in with two guards.
"What's this?" Doc asked, already feeling like his luck was dead.
"'This' is you going back to population." Lavon said. "Got the orders right here." He continued as he undid Doc's cuffs.
"I can't go back, I'm an injured man!"
"We stitched yo anus; shoulda let you bleed to death..."
"From a torn anus?" One of the guards said disbelievingly.
"Tony shut up!" He turned back to Doc. "Now we kept you here for two days and now you gotta go."
"But what about my other injuries?"
"That broken shoulder and the face injuries is not ours. You was already treated when you got here a month ago."
"But they hurt" he was stalling for time.
"So do my feelins when Victor keep playin Nicki like dat..." The guards gave a laugh.
"What?"
"I'll give you a aspirin! Hmmm, whoever kicked yo ass a month ago need visitin privileges or somethin cuz ooh!"
She was so perfectly still that he wondered if she were really there; maybe she had been replaced with a doll or maybe she was playing a joke on him. One where she'd get up and start laughing any minute and she'd be alright; all of the last 4 months would be alright; they would never have happened. She would just have taken a long overdue vacation- several of them to some exotic lands that they've talked about visiting one day. Egypt or Greece or Rome; maybe even the ruins down in South America... Just not this.
"Olivia?" He whispered hoping, but he knew she couldn't hear him and it only made his heart break more if that were possible. She lay there in front of him on the bed in the hospital gown, curled on her side and her eyes were just staring. She didn't blink, didn't say a word, just lay there and stared, into what, Nick didn't know but she didn't do anything but stare.
"Liv, I know you're tired. You've been through unimaginable things and I can't fathom how you got through them but you can't quit... I know right now that this is squeezing the life out of you and I'm sorry because I should have been there. I should have gone with you that night and dealt with you being mad at me but I can't take back that night... Liv I need you to fight! You held on for three months and now. I know I don't have the right to tell you that you can't give up...by all right you should want to but- Liv we love you and we need you... I love you and need you and now that I know about this baby- Liv you don't have to be ashamed. We're here for you, all of us... Including that dick Cassidy. Just let us be, don't take this alone. We got a lot more livin to do, you and me and us...so don't give up...please don't give up!"
As Elliot drove back to New York, with all that had happened, his mind was fixated on one thing: Olivia. He had to talk to her as soon as he got back to New York. He needed to make her understand that...
His phone suddenly rang and disrupted his thoughts. Annoyed, he looked at the display as he was at a light and saw that it was Nick.
"Yeah Amaro."
"Where are you right now?" Nick asked.
"I'm on my way back to the city, I'm about an hour out. What's goin on?"
"Liv...she suffered a nervous breakdown."
"She what?!" Elliot asked, not believing his own ears. He'd just seen her a few hours ago and she was on edge but fine. This had to be wrong.
"I'm at the hospital now; she doesn't look good." Elliot sat for a few seconds in total silence. "...Elliot?"
"I'm here" he said, trying to keep his tears at bay while Nick was doing the same. "...what hospital?"
"St. Mary's, but Elliot...there's something you should know... She's pregnant!"
At Cassidy's he was in the middle of tossing back another beer, feeling sorry for himself when his phone rang. At first he just ignored it; it was his day off so why bother picking up? But by the fourth ring he thought it might be Rollins wanting to take his mind off things again and without looking at the display, he picked up.
"Say the word, my place or yours?" He said into the phone.
"I don't believe you!" Amaro said.
"That makes two of us. What do you want Amaro?" Nick had to collect himself before he spoke again.
"I was calling to tell you that-"
"Hold on Ricardo, I got a call"
"Cassi-" but Brian had already put him on hold. "Son of a bitch!" He mumbled under his breath. After almost a minute, Brian still hasn't come back and Nick, tired of holding on hung up to call Amanda just when Brian came back.
"What do you want, I gotta go- hello... To hell with it!" He said and went to pack a bag. That had been the brass on the other line; his undercover operation was ready to go and he'd be getting out of here for a while. Maybe some space between he and Liv would do them some good!
"Rollins-"
"Nick, where the hell have you been?" Amanda fumed from outside Fins room. She wasn't allowed in and kept watch from outside, looking in at him through the glass walls. "I've been trying to reach you for hours!"
"I've been here, at the hospital"
"The hosp... What hospital?"
"St. Mary's"
"A case?"
"No, it's Liv...Amanda, she had a nervous breakdown."
"Oh my god!" Amanda swore under her breath as more tears filled her eyes and she screamed in frustration as she cried them. "Somebody tell me this is a joke...this day can't..." She blurted out before she broke down and sobbed.
"Amanda what's going on?" He asked, obviously worried now about more than just Olivia but Amanda didn't answer and instead just cried. "Amanda?"
"Fin's been shot...it's looking bad!"
"How bad?" When she didn't answer he said it with more urgency "Amanda how bad!"
"The bullet hit his heart- I'm trying to reach Ken...they don't think he'll make it, Nick." After a few seconds where he wiped his tears, he spoke.
"Where?"
"St. Joes."
"I'm on my way." And he hung up. Meanwhile Amanda turned toward Fin and put her hands on the glass that separated them, praying that he could hear her.
"Hold on...please hold on. Liv needs you...I need you." She cried. Just that fast his body began to seize and the machines sounded as the alarms went off and the medical team rushed in.
"Fin... No no no!"
"We got a code blue!" Was the last thing Amanda heard as a bunch of staff ran into the little room and she stood there on the outside in tears.
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I was um... No? Okay.