I did it, I'm sick as all hell and my head feels like it's gonna explode but I did it. Here's your update...stuff happens. Dick Wolf owns, enjoy!

.

"If… I just; I need you to not push me. I don't...I'm sorry."

"Liv it's okay alright? I just, like I said, I wanna be here for you and make sure you're okay. Anything more… I won't push, but I'm hoping that eventually we can go back."

"I don't um...I don't think there is going back, I can't…" she wiped the tears that had come back and Brian felt his heart break. "What he did to me I…" She was crying now, trying to stop her tears but it was no use.

"Olivia…"

"I need you to go"

"I'm not gonna leave you like this."

"I'm fine, I just…" She huffed through her tears before breaking down and throwing herself into his arms. He was taken aback and for a moment just sat there while she cried against him but then unsure of what else to do, he put his arms around her and held her.

"It's okay" he whispered. "It's gonna be okay." All the while thinking how much he'd like to kill the person responsible. Harlan had single handedly broken her. "Liv, what is it?"

When she suddenly stopped and got up from the sofa, he was confused.

"I'm okay, I'm… I just need you to go!" she answered the phone as quickly as it rang. "Hello?"

"You okay, you sound upset?" Elliot didn't like having to call to find out if she was okay, neither did Fin, Nick or Amanda but they tried hard to respect her wishes.

"I'm fine, thanks." And she hung up the phone and turned her attention back to Brian. "I mean it, leave!"

...

"She's fine" Elliot said to the squad.

"Of course she is!" Fin said sarcastically. "We should just go over there!"

"Cuz that'll do a world of good. We gotta just let her ride this out!" Amanda said and though that the last thing they wanted to hear, they all knew she was right and just sat there with their heads down, looking disparaged.

"How about we wait another 2 days and if she doesn't call, we go over?" Amaro suggested.

"Good idea" Fin said.

"Oh lord!" Amanda said as she got up and walked away with her coffee cup.

"That's actually a great idea!" Elliot agreed with Fin. They barely noticed that Amanda had left. "I'm gonna get home and take care of a few things"

"Alright man, it's good to see you!" Nick said. He stood up and he and Elliot shook hands.

"Oh holy fuck!" Bronwyn cried as she plunged it in harder and deeper. "Oh fucking god! Oh God...oh God…" She emitted a long, orgasmic cry as she came and collapsed, face down into the mattress with her ass in the air continuing to pump the magnificent thing in and out of her in spite of the fact that it was now drenched in her cum and blood.

Harlan still wouldn't fuck her even after he'd made his request and gotten a blowjob from her in return for her suffering. Tonight, again she turned to her trusty friend; a 12 incher that was extremely thick- too thick for her delicate parts, but she had a lot of angst to work out and though she sent the thing crashing against her cervix more than a few times, she was giving it the ride of her life!

Later, after fucking herself to five orgasms, she came down from her last one, knowing she couldn't take more and rolled over on her back fully satiated and lay awake in the dark listening to the sounds of the ocean. She hadn't managed to sleep much since Harlan demanded that she get rid of the baby yesterday… How could he ask such a thing of me? She wondered. This is our son...of course he's only concerned with Olivia's baby…

"God, he has to see…" She said as she reached down and put a hand to her still small bump. She was a hefty woman and so she didn't even appear pregnant to anyone who didn't know, but there her baby was and she caressed her belly.

"Your daddy loves you; he just doesn't…" Don't talk to it, you'll only get more attached. "But would it really be so bad?" William could have a brother, they could grow up together just like I planned; twins! She couldn't do what he wanted.

"How about you and mommy play a game for a little while? You stay hidden for a while longer while I convince daddy to let you stay!" It was all she could think of but it was worth a shot.

"What's that? You want ice cream?" She said… "Well okay, but not too much!" She giggled as she got out of her bed naked and the dildo fell out of her and onto the floor as she put on her short robe.

"Forgot that was in there!" She said and didn't bother to pick it up and continued to make her way out of the bedroom.

...

In Harlan's room…

"Just you wait…" He said, looking at a picture of Olivia. Bronwyn had been providing him pictures of her and this latest one was just three days ago as she was leaving the cinnabon with Fin, eating a cinnamon bun. He looked at her, at the icing dripping down her lip and he got even angrier while at the same time, getting insanely turned on thinking about what he did to her and what he'd like to do to her now that she was so swollen with his son… Or so he thought.

"You and that damn scalpel… Thought you had me. But I survived, you bitch! You hear me? I survived!" He went and stepped closer the picture, staring at it and touching her bump.

"Not only did I live, but my dick lived; you thought I fucked you before? I'm gonna beat you, and I'm gonna fuck you til you die this time baby!" He said as Bronwyn passed his room on her way to the kitchen.

"So that's what this is? Everything is about that fucking woman! She's the reason you want to get rid of our baby!"She came screaming into the room, her robe untied and mad as hell.

"What the hell, you spyin on me?" He said as he stalked closer to her.

"Is she she the rea-" before she could get the words out, he had secured a hand around her throat and was squeezing hard as he backed her into a wall, quite easily for a woman of her size.

"I thought we settled this! Now I told you once to get rid of this bastard so why we still talkin bout it?" but she couldn't answer because he was choking her so hard and she was begging for air. "I can't hear you; oh, you're jealous? I think I you need to be taught, and lesson 1 is: Jealousy don't cut it!"

When his fist punched her in the face, he let her fall to the floor in a daze, trying to recover her air while her face throbbed in absolute pain.

"I didn't mean-" He delivered a swift kick to her stomach then snatched her up as she begged for their baby, again by the neck, but this time he turned her around, her face pressed into the wall and he ripped her robe off her back "Harlan please…" she screamed.

"Looks like you already been working here...thank god for assholes!" he snarled before he shoved his penis into her hole and she screamed in pain. "Shut up bitch!" And he started thrusting hard while he held his hand over her mouth to cover her screams but it did no good, she couldn't stop and cried as she screamed while Harlan went about having fun.

"Music to my ears!"

...

By the time Harlan had finished, Bronwyn was in a world of pain from the fucking she'd just endured and lay on her side, crying in the bathtub of her bathroom.

"He didn't mean it...he didn't…" she was overcome by tears and sobbed as she held her stomach. She had been bleeding heavily since the attack stopped and she was sure that she was losing the baby.

"I can't lose you!" She cried to herself and her baby but it was already too late and she knew it. Harlan would never get the chance to have that bitch, he would never…

"She will die before he ever gets the chance!" she swore!

"Look at this…" Nick whispered across his desk to Amanda. He was doing personal tasks on the work computer and had to keep it quiet.

"Look at what?" She said without looking at him and instead at the paperwork in front of her. She was trying to get all of the fives that she'd been skipping, done before Thanksgiving and with just a few days to go, she could finally see some promise.

"Been doing a little research on Bronwyn…"

"That's usually my area" Another one down that she quickly put into the outbox and started the next. Nick smiled before he continued.

"I know but since you've been so busy with that paperwork…"

"Don't remind me"

"Anyway, check this out. Did you know that Bronwyn was adopted?"

"Uh, no I didn't...boy, her parents must be regretting that decision!"

"Well, they're dead now thank god; I mean living to see the mess she's become...I wouldn't wanna be known!"

"Tell me about it."

"Oh but that's not all, says here that her parents were some society types…apparently she was their only child…"

"Wait…" She said as she came around to his desk "how come none of this about the adoption was ever in her record? I went over that nutjob back and forth when we were looking for Liv and I never found any of this."

"Because she's going to trial soon and suddenly she's interesting. The Ledger just published this piece today…"

"The ledger? Come on…"

"Hey, they're sensationalists but they don't lie!"

"Okay, so say she is adopted...where did she come from?"

"That's what I want to know and that's what I'm gonna find out!" Suddenly, Collins entered and Amanda went stiff.

"Hi Darrell!" She waved, immediately feeling like an idiot. Nick just laughed to himself. She was gone.

Brian sat at a bar that night trying hard to calm the noise in his head. He couldn't believe that Olivia was this messed up so many months after what had happened to her. Four months and she's still so fragile! He thought. But she looked to be so much better that day at 1PP and now… He picked up his beer and took a small sip; he had been doing that the whole night, 3 hours and he'd play pool and sip at the same beer that wasn't even halfway finished. His mind was just in a place that drinking wouldn't help.

"Hi" She said softly, he looked up to see a gorgeous blonde standing on front of him. Though his mind was full of Olivia, he was very attracted to what he saw in front of him; her jeans cut low on her hips, her shirt cut high, and the most gorgeous tits, without a bra, straining through the fabric. He could see every detail including her nipple ring and suddenly he was more concerned with whether or not it matched the one in her navel.

"Hey!" He said with a smile on this face. Maybe he could put Olivia on chill for just a moment. Did I just say that? ...did I just say that?

"I'm Bambi"

Of course you are! "Brian"

"Hi Brian. I don't usually do this but I couldn't help but notice that you were alone and I thought you could use some company!"

"Did you now?"

"I did!" She smiled and tucked a loose lock behind her ear as she sat beside him, giving him an awesome view of her chest.

"Tell me Brandi"

"Bambi!"

"Bambi! What would do you think could be the thing to quell my needing some company?"

"I was thinking we could have a couple drinks and then you could take me back to your place and fuck me to your content till sun up!" She said as she got closer and reached beneath the table to cup his balls.

That night, Olivia never got to sleep. She lay awake all night and when early morning came, she had spent most of the night in tears. So much was on her mind. She had been working so hard to deal with the rapes but then with being offered to come back to the NYPD, she got home to think about it and her mind was deluged with so many memories of the time she had been held captive and brutalized over the spring and summer and she wondered why the commissioner had even bothered asking her. She was damaged goods and she suddenly was forced to see it and that's what started her funk. After her doctor's appointment where she had the amnio test done the next day, she was so depressed that she just asked Fin and everyone to leave her alone and it was fine until Brian came over yesterday.

She would never be able to look out for anyone, she was barely holding on for this baby and even less for herself and as she looked out the window, she thought how easy it would be to just undo it and fall. She and the baby would just go away and then they wouldn't be anyone's problem.

"Look at my life!" She cried as she held her stomach, feeling her daughter kicking as her tears flowed. "How can I take care of you?"

You listen to me whore!" he spat as he angrily snatched her face back to face him "rule two: you don't EVER turn away from me! I touch you how I want, when I want you understand me?" he yelled.

"I hope it's painful" she said as she looked him in the eye

"What's that darlin?"

"...your death when they find you!"

"Oh, you like to talk about death huh? Well let's do that!" he said and pinched her nose shut with his thumb and forefinger while clamping the rest of his palm over her mouth. "see the difference between me and you is you fear the reaper while I invite him to dance" he taunted as she struggled to breathe beneath him but he only pushed his hand tighter against her mouth while she thrashed beneath him desperate for air.

"Same thing I always told my boy…embrace death, once you do you have no fear. And when you ain't got fear in the way, that's when you really start livin…" he continued chatting away as if there weren't a suffocating woman beneath his hand and Olivia was desperate at this point, thrashing violently and pulling at her restraints. She was getting weaker, her vision was fading and she was lightheaded but Harlan just continued talking then just when everything had started to go black…

"Well ain't your face just the prettiest shade of blue?" he laughed before he removed his hand, leaving her gasping hard to take in the air her lungs craved. "You know on second thought, who needs rest when just watchin you get all feisty got me ready to go again!"

"No…" she begged. The pain between her legs already had her feeling as if she'd literally been torn apart "Please, I can't"

"Well, you're gunna" he undid his pants again and leaned over her, kissing her hard on the lips "My god that's a sweet mouth! I'll be sure to put it to use later" he never saw the head-butt coming and within a split second he was screaming, cradling his broken nose as it gushed blood everywhere.

"...he was on her beating her mercilessly with a barrage of sharp blows to her face while screaming profanities as his blood dripped all over the nightgown she wore. But she refused to give him the satisfaction of her screams this time.

"Now we get to have real fun and I won't be so gentle this time!" he said menacingly and began tearing her gown away from her body then reached to undo her right arm and leg, freeing them from their restraints so that he could turn her over onto her stomach. She was no match for his strength and he soon had her face down, pinning her by the neck then forced himself inside her from behind while she squeezed her eyes shut and bit down on her split lip, trying to withstand this new assault on her already bruised insides.

"Why didn't I die in that room?" she asked herself.

"Because you weren't supposed to…" She heard a voice say, but she closed her eyes, recognizing the familiarity of it. She decided that this wasn't happening; not today.

"Please…" She said quietly in a whisper, without turning around. "I don't need this."

"I think you do" She heard sealview Olivia say.

"I don't really care for what you think. Leave."

"And let you use yourself as a kite out that window? I don't think so."

Olivia gave a snarl as she put her hand to her back while the other rubbed her belly. The baby was enjoying a kicking spree and Olivia felt it in her back and just wished it would stop.

"It gets better." Sealview said to Olivia from where she stood at the window but she just cried.

"This doesn't." Olivia said quietly. Sealview was about to speak when there was a knock at the door, Olivia wiped her eyes and looked at the clock, it was 6 in the morning, who was there so early?

She slowly made her way to the door, again stopping to wipe her tears before she looked through the peephole.

"Brian please, go away!" She said without opening the door.

"Liv, I just wanna see if you're alright!" When there was no answer from the other side, he waited then called again "...Olivia?" when he heard the door being unlocked, he smiled, feeling pleased with himself except when the door opened, it didn't really open since the chain was on the door and his smile quickly faded.

"You see me, I'm fine. Now GO AWAY!" and before he could say a word she'd slammed the door in his face and locked it up again.

"Damnit!" He mumbled under his breath.

...

Later that night and Olivia sat in her apartment and contemplated what an improvement it would be to everybody if she were out of the way and always as usual, her baby began kicking up a storm as if to let her know how wrong she was. She quietly began rubbing her belly to calm the baby, tears in her eyes. She didn't understand, no one did, she felt. And as she sat there, trying to soothe her daughter, her mind began drifting again.

Upstairs, as her eyes grew heavy with sleep pulling her into its merciful embrace, Olivia couldn't help replaying the voice she heard calling to her as she lay on the floor hours ago, attempting to bring about her own death; the same voice she'd continued hearing even after falling unconscious, Elliot's voice. It had given her comfort even in her darkest moment when she'd wanted nothing more than to slip away but at the same time, there was terrible sadness at knowing that he was gone, that they were gone, that everything they had like everything she'd ever had, had become nothing more than painful memories. It was the reason that she hadn't tried to save herself after what she'd done, to what end? Even feeling that sliver of comfort as she lay bleeding out, if she'd tried going back it would serve her no purpose in life. The voice that had been a figment of her imagination near death would never again offer her that comfort in life. He would never again tell her that things would be alright with such conviction that she'd believe it with her soul! She'd never again feel his arms hold her close and make her feel the peace that only he could, so why live?

By the time she came out of it, she was crying.

"You don't have to go this alone." Beach house said as she and Sealview put their arms around her.

...

At Elliot's, he was on the couch with a pizza and a beer enjoying the game when his phone rang.

"Stabler"

"..." All he heard were what sounded like sobs.

"Hello?"

"El…"

"Liv, honey, what's wrong?" He said, getting up and looking for his keys.

"I can't do this!" it came out through her tears "I can't...I need you!"

"I'm on my way." He said and immediately grabbed his keys upon finding them and left the apartment, making sure to keep her on the line the ride there. Hearing her crying tore at his heart and when he finally got to her place, she threw herself into his arms sobbing most of the night until she fell asleep in his arms.

Two days later...

"We know that you were in town Tuesday…" Darrell said to the perp they had been grilling for the last hour. He'd climbed in window and raped a 6 year old and her 9 year old sister as well as their babysitter then leaving them tied up and in the six and nine year olds cases, bleeding. Now, in the hour since he'd been here, he hadn't said much of anything but Darrell and Nick were not letting it go so easy.

"What? No...you must be mistaken, I was in Boston up until this morning" The perp, Jason Caris, denied.

"Oh yeah, see we got 3 witnesses that saw you coming out of the building that night, right after you raped those girls and all three just picked you out of a lineup…" Nick said.

"No, see, I was in Jersey that night!"

"I thought you said Boston…" Darrell had caught him in another lie.

"I meant Jersey… Boston!"

"And I should mention that we got your DNA, smartass…"

Out in the hall, Amanda stood watching with Fin and Rafael through the mirror.

"Looks like we got him." Barba said.

"Did you doubt that we would?" Fin asked.

"I gotta get to court but make this stick, please!"

"It'll stick!" Amanda said as she and Fin walked him out.

"Just make sure!" He said before he answered his phone. "Barba…" They heard as he exited and Nick and Darrell came out of the interrogation looking very upset!

"Don't tell me…" Fin started

"He asked for a lawyer!" Collins huffed as he took a seat at his desk and picked up his rubik's cube, stressfully twisting it.

"So what now?" Rollins asked as she looked at Collins. God I wish I were that cube...just look at those big, strong hands; I bet they'd feel so good on my…

"Now we get the scumbag a lawyer and we wait!" Nick said.

"Yeah well, y'all do that and I'm gonna go see Liv. Call me if you need me!" He said and grabbed his coat, heading out.

"I'm gonna call legal aid." Nick said, picking up his desk phone and dialing. Amanda went over to the coffee machine to make a cup and was in the refrigerator getting milk when Darrell came over fumbling with his Rubik's cube.

"So...I've been hearing so much about this Olivia but I haven't met her…"

"She's uh…" She laughed uncomfortably "it's complicated...but you didn't come over here to talk about Olivia?"

"Busted...I wanted uh, I wanted a cup of coffee…" he lost his nerve.

"You wanted a...oh, I...okay. I could make you one I guess" she turned around, confused to face the coffeemaker and took down his mug.

"Amanda wait...I didn't…" he took a deep breath. "Look, this...I don't know, I've been debating whether or not this is even the right thing, I mean I've never dated a colleague; not that we're dating I just meant that…"

"That…"

"My mother is gonna kill me but, look, I like you alright? I liked you from the day I walked in here"

"You did?" She said with a smile on her face.

"I just...I don't even know if you're into black guys but I'd be crazy if I didn't at least ask; would you…"

"Yes!" She didn't wait for him to finish his question. She had been thinking of him for months and she was not letting this get away from her.

"I didn't fini-"

"Yes, I would love to go out with you!"

"You don't waste time!" He smiled.

"Not when it's somethin I want...I mean, not that I want...well I do but...oh gosh!" She blushed as she tried to fight her embarrassment and looked in the only safe direction; down. Darrell stood there trying not to laugh and instead took her hand.

"Why don't I pick you up at say...7:30?" She looked up at him and smiled.

"Okay...yeah, I…"

"Okay. I should get back to work but I'll see you tonight!" He said and walked off, leaving her standing there with a huge smile on her face. Maybe I'll get to feel those hands after all!

"She doin any better?" Fin asked

"Depends on what you call better. With that and everything else, she's definitely not doing good." Elliot said. "She's been a mess now for the past three days and I don't know man, I thought she was moving in the right direction as far as getting better but she's not."

"I know, just a few days ago she seemed…"

"And now it's just…I don't know what to do for her."

"Give her time. You gotta remind yourself of what she's dealing with… I'm gonna look in on her." He said, patting Elliot's shoulder before he made his way back.

...

He got to the bedroom to find Olivia standing by the window. She was looking out absently while she rubbed her bump. Fin stood there in the doorway, watching her for a brief moment just feeling sadness to see her in such a state. She looked extremely nervous and he could tell that she hadn't slept. Elliot had told him how she'd slowly been slipping backwards these last few days, but to see it in front of him.

"Liv…" Fin said with a slight knock so as not to scare her but having failed when she gave a jump, obviously startled and a small yelp escaped her as she turned around. "Oh God, Liv, I'm sorry!" he said just as Elliot came running in.

"Is everything…" Elliot came running from the kitchen, nervously.

"No, I scared her! Liv, are you okay?" He said, walking over to her.

"Fin I'm okay. Elliot, you didn't need to rush back here!"

"I heard you scream"

"I didn't scream."

"Miniature..."

"Could you both leave me alone? I'm tired." She said, making her way to the bathroom, holding the underside of her belly. When she got there she shut the door and Fin and Elliot just stood there in the bedroom looking at each other.

"Beer?" Elliot offered.

"Yeah."

In the her apartment, Bronwyn lay in her room with the lights out but she wasn't sleeping. After coming to the hospital and being given a sonogram that confirmed her baby was no longer, she was given a drug to bring on labor and at 4:14 this morning, she delivered a son that weighed in at just 10 ounces. Anxious to leave the hospital afterwards, she signed herself out this morning and closed herself off in her apartment. Now, late at night, she lay there in her bed, curled up with her baby in a jar and crying for the life that will never be and blaming Olivia for it.

"I'll make her pay; I swear I'll make her pay!" She cried and held her baby closer. "It won't be in vain Harlan Carlton, I'll make your death count!"

.

No, unfortunately Bronwyn has no sense and it'll spell trouble for Olivia while Harlan's evil ass… You'll see! But on a lighter note, how cute are Amanda and Darrell?