Chapter 44, Dick Wolf owns. I apologize that I didn't get to the crazy but I wrote a lot, so much that I broke it into two chapters so you'll get it with the next update. For now, enjoy.

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"Elliot!" She cried as he kissed her neck and slowly undid the buttons on her shirt.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" He asked, probably for the seventh time to which she responded with an eye roll that he couldn't see because his head was buried in her neck, kissing and driving her absolutely crazy.

"God if you ask me that one more ti-" He remembered that spot; the one on her left, just beneath her hairline behind her ear. She couldn't say another word as his lips made contact. It had been so long since she'd been touched like this!

When his mouth made contact with her nipples, she cried out. God, it never felt this good! Late pregnancy hormones were amazing! She thought as he pulled it in deeper and sucked, his hand on her panties, slowly pulling them down her legs and parted them. As he pulled his mouth away from her breast, a trail of milk spilled out as he went to her mouth and kissed her lips so passionately. He let his hand graze her slit, his fingers dancing at her clit, rubbing her there. She didn't think she could get more heightened but his fingers were divine and she arched her back, jutting her hips closer to receive more of him when…

Beep, beep, beep, beep...

She opened her eyes as she lay there on her side. Fuck! She thought, a dream and closed them again as she hit the alarm. It was morning and it was raining, she had to be in court in two hours but all she wanted was to go back to sleep to finish dreaming she thought as she felt her nipples swelling under the fabric of her gown that clung to them. She was sweating and shit, she was definitely wet down below but she didn't make a move to get out of bed. Instead, she simply lay there smiling against the pillows remembering how incredible Elliot, and his mouth and his hands felt.

She wished that it could be like this in real life; that she could be able to give herself so openly to him. She wanted it more than anything; god she needed it! These pregnancy hormones were driving her insane, making her body crazy and she wanted him so bad; but with all that happened, she was simply too afraid to even consider going that far and surprised that she even wanted to. She remembered after William, she couldn't even consider letting herself be touched. In fact, had it not been for some pestering from Brian paired with bottles of wine that she often used to salve her inner wounds, she knew that there's no way she would have had the nerve to go there so fast; not that it was all bad with Brian. But with Elliot she never felt that. There was no drinking, nothing that clouded her judgment. She wanted him; all over again but she didn't think that it would ever happen. Not with a trail of her recent past with so many men on her skin that she can't seem to forget. And just that fast, her fantasy time was over as she suddenly felt disgusted and struggled out of bed to shower and wash them off.

"Everything going okay?" Darrell asked as he was having his breakfast.

"Pretty much, I haven't seen Olivia yet since we got here so late but I'm hoping everything's good. I miss you!"

"Weren't you the one that stressed you would only be gone a day?" He laughed as he bit a piece of melon.

"I did, but that was before I left. Maybe it's the newness of it all but it's drivin me crazy bein away from you!"

"I miss you too! You know that." He took another bite.

"What are you eatin?"

"Juicy honeydew… I'm imagining that I have you spread in front of me…"

"Oh don't…" She said causing him to laugh louder. "I'm serious, I need to be dry and alert for today!"

"Yeah, I need to get to work anyway...I'll see you tonight?"

"Should I show up without underwear?"

"And bring whipped cream, I plan to eat you out for a couple hours!"

When Elliot came to check on her, she told him that she was getting dressed and would be out soon; him understanding her being nervous, took her word and waited for her nervously in the living room while he ordered breakfast which she also wouldn't eat; another thing that concerned him but again, he chalked it up to her nerves and didn't push it.

"Does it ever do anything besides rain, in this damn town?" Fin asked as he came in to Liv's suite. "Where's baby girl?" He asked Elliot.

"Getting dressed. You want some coffee, or breakfast? There's plenty."

"Just coffee, thanks! What's got you so on edge?"

"Just trying to maintain..." He said as he got Fin's coffee and handed it to him.

"Don't sound like maintainin" He said and took a hearty sip as Elliot sat down in the chair opposite him with his own cup. "In fact, if you anything like me and Nick, you probably prayin for the strength to not grab every last one of them motherfuckers in that courtroom and cause mayhem! ...but I didn't say that!" And he sipped his coffee as he went to answer the knocking at the door.

"A man after my own heart!" He said before he raised his cup.

Bronwyn lay there absolutely numb and unresponsive in the room that was practically black with the drapes drawn. She's been that way since Harlan smashed Harlan Junior, her god, yesterday. Just a blubbering mess as she lay with her red blotchy and severely withered skin on one side of her face and chest- not even bothering to have a doctor look at it. She simply showered, didn't even bother with pajamas and climbed into bed, unable to do much more and cried.

Thankfully, Harlan never came to check on her. She heard as he passed her wing on the way to his; he brought in some hooker last night- about 20 and looked like Olivia but had hair like Johnnie's and it's a good thing Bronwyn didn't see this being already so riled up. I've done everything for this man. Everything! She thought. All I wanted in return was for him to love me, for us to finally be happy with our son but he couldn't even give me that. As her tears flowed, she thought of how the baby's body sounded as it crushed under Harlan's foot. She would never be able to forget that sound as long as she lived. The little bones of his body, his chest plate and skull as they cracked spilling what was once the baby's brain on the floor. She could see it beneath his shoe even before Harlan lifted his foot off of him and when he had, she was mortified to see that his heart and other would be organs had oozed from his chest through his ribs.

She closed her eyes to stop it from playing as she cried harder but it did no good.

"My baby!" She wailed into her pillow. This being the first time that she really allowed herself to do so since she lost him in the first place. God was right when he'd told her that she had been doing this all for Harlan and the one time she'd allowed herself to cry, she'd done it for all the wrong reasons. God baby knew that she was being brainwashed, that Harlan had made her believe those things; that someone other than him was responsible when the truth was, it was all him and now she had nothing. No baby, no god, no happiness, nothing!

"You can still have happiness…" She heard a voice say to her. Quickly she sat up, frightened and looked around the dark room with tears running down her face, and in a dispirited voice…

"Who said that?"

"Gone one day and already you don't recognize me mommy?"

"God? Is it really you?" She asked almost silently, afraid that this was all a figment of her imagination.

"Of course it's me mommy."

"Oh my baby boy!" She cried. "Where are you? Can I see you; can I touch you?" There were new tears trailing her face as she untangled herself from the covers.

"You can't see me mommy, I'm everywhere now but nowhere that you can see me. Do you still believe in me mommy?"

"Of course I believe in you!" She said and broke down crying. "I thought you'd left me…"

"I'll never leave you mommy but I need you to listen to me, I don't have much time."

"Why not?"

"I can only come to you if you're willing to listen to me and it's very important that you do. Are you willing to listen to me mommy?"

"I'll listen. What is it that you need?"

"It's what you need. But first, you have to leave Harlan."

"Leave Harlan...but…" Even with all her torment she wasn't sure that she was ready to leave him. After all, she did love him, even with all he'd done, she still held a soft spot for him. He was her husband and she took that role very seriously, even if he didn't. For better or worse, right?

"No buts. You either have me or you have him, but you can't have us both. Can you do it?"

"I...God, i - I don't...can I think about it? I mean, you'll help me right?"

"Sorry. My advice only works if it's just you and me; not him. I'll be back when you're clear on that!"

"Baby? Baby wait; God, don't go! God?" She called him frantically but he had gone. "Don't go!" She said as she cried. "Stay."

"We'd better get going, we don't wanna be late and there's gonna be a ton of traffic on the way to the courthouse." Amanda said as she walked into the suite again after running across the hall to grab her phone and purse.

"I'll go get Liv!" Fin said as Nick and Elliot had gone downstairs to get the cars.

"Okay, I'll meet you downstairs." She said and left. Fin knocked on Olivia's bedroom door and when he got no answer...

"Liv, I hope you're decent, I'm comin in." He said before he opened the door and poked his head in, looking around. "Liv?" He called, not getting an answer and so he came all the way in, still no sign of her. Fin knew that she hadn't come out since he'd been here so she must be in the bathroom.

He went to the door and knocked twice. "Liv?" He called softly and was surprised when he heard what sounded like crying from inside. "Liv?" He called again before he opened the door. There she was inside, sitting on top of the closed lid of the toilet bowl and weeping silently as she wrung her hands. Going to bed last night she was on such a high, that's how Elliot made her feel, like she was lovable and beautiful and that maybe she could have a life with him one day. Something to keep so that when all of this was over, maybe she could have something to possibly look forward to. But then this morning as she was getting dressed, checking herself in the mirror, doubt appeared over her shoulder and she went to pieces.

"I can't walk in that courtroom and face those men!" She said in tears and on the verge of hyperventilating. Fin walked over to her and kneeled down, taking her hands in his, finding them so unsteady that they caused his to tremble.

"It's okay baby girl, come on. Just breathe, that's it. Slow breaths."

"Fin, I can't do this."

"Don't doubt yourself. You remember you thought that you wouldn't be able to face Lewis in court but you did. Just like you faced Harris."

"I was stronger then."

"You're stronger now. What you had to go through; to come through… Baby girl, a lesser woman would have given up but you're still here and you're fighting through it! Don't quit now."

"You say that but how am I supposed to be able to do this? Lewis was only one and so was Harris but there are fifteen of them, Fin and they all…"

"And you're still here! Liv, you just have to walk in that courtroom and show those men that they didn't break you, that you're still here and you're surrounded by love and support inside and out because you are, baby girl!" He said, placing a hand on her belly. "You gotta go in there and let them see your face, see that you won because regardless of anything, you have and you should be proud of that!"

"Hey, everything okay, Liv; what...?" Elliot said as Fin was helping Olivia to her feet. Elliot had come back up to check on her and now to see her in tears and he didn't know what the cause was…

"I'll be okay." Olivia said as she dried her eyes with less shaky hands.

"Are you sure? You don't look so good!"

"Thanks a lot."

"She's gonna be fine" Fin reassured him, looking at Olivia. "She got this! I'm gonna go downstairs and give you guys a minute." No sooner than he was gone, Olivia turned to Elliot.

"Give me a minute?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll just be a minute then we'll go." He looked at her for a moment then nodded. Giving her a quick kiss to her lips before he left and shut the door. Once he was gone, she leaned over the sink, taking deep breaths then turned on the water and splashed some on her face. She was drying it off with a towel when she heard it.

"He wouldn't want you if he knew how much we'd done to you; God, just what Harlan's done." Doc said as he sniffed her hair. "God you smell so fucking sweet!"

"He's not here!" She whispered to herself.

"Does he know what a whore you are? How much you loved every single thing. You liked them; hell, you loved them. Making your body sing, tell me, you ever cum so good as you did over and over those three months, or the way I made you cum when we..."

"You're stronger than this, Olivia."

"Is that what you tell yourself? I'll always be here, you filthy girl...hmm, but don't worry...your secret's safe with me!" He said and began laughing. Olivia shut her eyes again, listening to the maniacal sounds that came from him and steadied herself before she turned around to an empty room. Nothing but the water from the sink dripping down the drain as she looked around and her hands started to shake again. She quickly dried her eyes and clasped her hands together to alleviate the tremors, then looked at herself in the mirror a final time and her baby started to kick. She put a shaky hand to her belly and it was as if she could feel her daughter telling her to be strong and she knew, right there that she had to be.

"You said it yourself, he's not strong enough to withstand another surgery!"

"and if we don't get in there now, and relieve that pressure off his brain, he's going to die!"

"and he'll die if we open him up.

"It's a bigger risk if we don't and I can't take that risk!"

"So you chance losing him?"

"What do you recommended then Chanel, huh? We just sit and wait?" just then, the monitor began wailing and both doctors ran to check it while one of them checked his eyes. "He's going into shock! Get the operating room ready, we have to relieve this pressure, now!" He said as the nurses ran about.

"Page Dr. Anderson, tell him to get down to the O.R. now!

"If there are no more statements, I'm ready to give sentence." Judge Roderick V. Camp announced to the courtroom. His voice softer like he was crying and he had been as the last of the fifteen men was seated. Olivia sat there, her tears falling throughout their statements and so called apologies to herself and to the court.

Her hands were practically glued to her belly as she rubbed it for comfort most of the time they were there. The rest of the time was with Elliot and Fin holding her hands, Nick and Amanda sitting right behind her, a hand on her shoulder through it all. Even Don and Munch were there to give their support. They were all brewing from their own turmoil but determined to keep it together and when the men spoke, they looked them directly in the eye even when Olivia couldn't and sat with her head down or diverting her attention somewhere else.

"I'd like to say something." It came as a shock to her group. She hadn't planned to say anything today; they not even thinking that she would have the strength to talk but here she was and they all looked on with pride as the judge gave his okay and she wiped her eyes and stood. Looking at the box where all of the accused were seated, slowly turning towards it, some of them unable to look at her.

"I didn't plan on speaking today… It's been trying just managing to get here and listen to all of you making your statements to me and to the court and telling…telling us how sorry you are but I have to wonder, where was your sorrow when I was begging you… When I screamed and cried until I lost my voice, pleading with you not to?" They all quietly stared at the ground.

I'm not gonna take up the courts time much longer because the fact is, none of you are sorry! You're sorry that you got caught and that you're here; I'm sorry that I'm here. But I just wanted you all to know that regardless of what you all thought, what you think…what you did to me; I'm a person. A living, breathing, feeling person who suffered pain, both physically and emotionally of what you did. Maybe in your minds you thought it didn't matter, but it did." She said, trying not to cry as she rubbed her stomach. "My daughter and I; the daughter that was there when you all had your fun... We'll get past this and we'll have a life but I just wanna say that I sincerely hope with all my heart that you all rot!" She said as the men looked away and a couple of them could be heard crying as she sat back down.

As Darrell sat going over the files on his desk, he couldn't get Amanda out of his head.

He never counted on coming here and meeting a white girl no less that would completely make him fall in love. He thought for sure that when they went out the first time that it was casual, two friends just hanging out, maybe sex but she turned out to be so much more. He wholeheartedly loved her. He didn't see it coming but suddenly there it was one day and he hasn't been the same. This woman has him planning to take her home to his mother and the last time he took a woman home to meet his mother, he thought he wanted to marry her. Thank god that he didn't though, because he knew that Amanda was it; not now, but definitely the one.

"Hey Collins, did you ever get to talk to the witness in the Robins case?" Murphy asked, jarring Darrell from his thoughts as he came from his office.

"Uh, I did" he said, going through the files to find the one he was looking for and finally found it. "Yeah; she was pretty clean, believable, said basically the same things that Mark told us." He handed Murphy the file.

"Good work but get her back in here. We got some more questions."

"I was on my way out, I'll stop by her place!"

"Please. Stevens, I need those fives!" He said as he walked off. Suddenly Darrell's phone rang, and because he was putting on his coat he didn't take the time to pay much attention to the id display before he answered.

"Collins"

"What if I were to tell you that I didn't believe you when you say you taped our conversations?"

Damn.

"Sergeant Benson, do you think the sentences were fair?" The reporter asked but Olivia, surrounded by the six people who had come to lend their support simply kept walking through the crowd of paparazzi. 30 years each, she was satisfied but she didn't say a word. Nothing.

"What about the rest of the men? Do you have a message for the the ones who haven't been found?"

Nothing.

"How about Bronwyn Freed? Her trial is coming up. Will you be there and if so, will you push for prison?"

Nothing.

"Are you worried that your bastard baby will be a monster like it's father?" To that question, they all turned around, Elliot and Fin reaching for the reporter.

"Man you don't bring her child into this you son of a bitch!" Fin yelled as he reached for the reporter at the same time that Elliot grabbed the guy .

"Get her out of here!" Don said to Nick as Elliot had the reporter by the collar, and Fin grabbed his mic. Don and Munch went to pull he and Fin out of the melee while Nick and Amanda got Olivia to the car and drove off.

Later at the hotel, there was a small celebration going on in the living room of Olivia's suite but she had excused herself to go and lie down before they took to the road, which had been pushed back until after the rain let up since it was now coming down hard. Feeling tired, she kissed Don and Munch and retreated to the bedroom and now lay there, still in her clothes but sans shoes and sleepily running a soothing hand across her belly.

There was a knock at the door when suddenly Elliot came in. "Just wanted to make sure you were alright." He said as he walked over to the bed where she lay.

"I'm okay; just tired." he sat down and let his hand join hers on her stomach and the baby started doing flips the moment he touched Olivia. "Serena...baby, calm down a bit!" She said softly while steadying her breathing. This was definitely one of the least enjoyable things about being pregnant the further along she got. It was tight in there and movement like this, she felt like her insides were being yanked and shifted.

"Looks like I riled her up." He said with a smile on his face, looking down at her belly with pride and putting his other hand down on it. "Didn't I, princess?"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" The baby continued on her little gymnastics episode as if she were showing off for Elliot.

"Hell yeah, man do you feel that? She is strong!"

"You know what her mama is? Tired!" She said and quickly shooed his hands away.

"Sorry!" He had a big, overly cheesy smile on his face and though she wanted to be be mad, she couldn't help but laugh, he was so cute when he was goofy.

"If you're sorry, you'll go and let me rest! El, I promise, I'm fine." He looked at her for a moment then decided to believe her.

"I could rub your feet"

"Go!"

"Okay...get some rest." He said and kissed her on the forehead. "Serena, you simmer down for mommy, we'll pick this up later!" He said to the baby and kissed her belly. For a moment, she got emotional but didn't let it show and when he got up, she was thankful, not sure she would've been able to hold back her tears. "and In case I didn't tell you, I'm proud of you!"

"You have; you all have but thank you." He nodded on his way out.

"Oh, and they say this rain is gonna stay until early tomorrow; you mind another night here? We'd go, but don't wanna drive through it with Serena..."

"It's okay" she told him, smiling. "we'll leave tomorrow."

"Good, I'll be outside if you need me." He said, turning around and leaving the room. She lay there still rubbing her belly and looked over at the window and seeing the rain still coming down in torrents, she remembered how it rained the day she escaped her prison, the day she escaped her tormenter.

She stood momentarily motionless as she held his severed penis in her hand then brought the scalpel down into his chest, screaming as she stabbed him; she didn't know how many times. She just stabbed until he went silent then threw it down and ran. She didn't remember much after running away from that house but she remembers that she ran for her life.

"...and today I got justice, though I wish it had been him." She thought as the baby began to kick underneath her hand. "You are definitely my daughter! ...and you are not what that man said. You have a home, and people who love you. I know that early on I didn't wanna believe that you were here and then when I did believe I just wanted you gone… but I love you baby girl! Even if sometimes I go a little crazy, I love you regardless of who you came from."

"You are the reason I was able to get through today; you know that? You're gonna be the reason I get through a lot of days, you are; and I can't wait until I get to hold you in my arms...you saved me baby girl, and even though I'm gonna make mistakes, I'm gonna try to be the best mom I can be for you. You would make me tired and then have to pee when I'm comfortable." She laughed. "Your mom's tired so let's see if we can make it up without calling anyone!"

"How is he?" Dr. Chanel Greyson asked as she stopped and checked on the patient as she was heading home for the night.

"Well, the swelling in his brain's been alleviated but he still has the other injuries. It's gods call from this point."

"Poor guy. I wonder if he has a family. Are they looking for him? Where did he come from?"

"I don't know but he should have someone here...he won't make it much longer." The nurse said.

Later that night after everyone had left to go back to New York, Elliot was sitting on the couch watching a game while Olivia was standing looking out the living room windows, all the lights on.

"It's really coming down out there, I hope everyone made it back safe." She said with a hand to her back and the other one on her belly.

"I'm sure they did." He turned off the TV and walked over to where she was standing.

"Serena's so hyper!"

"Today was a big day for her. An even bigger one for you. Can I hold you?"

"I think I'd like that." She smiled with her back turned to him as she looked out the window. When Elliot put his arms around her, she tensed at first then quickly relaxed into his body as he stood there and held her from behind, resting his hands on her belly where he began rubbing soothing circles. When he did this with just the right amount of light pressure, after a moment the baby responded by settling down.

"How do you do that?"

"Magic." He laughed and held her tight. "You've been so quiet all day; what are you thinking?"

"Just… El; do you think...I'm dirty?"

"Do I think-" He turned her head to look at him "Where's this coming from?" She turned her head back towards the window and continued staring out for a moment then turned her body around towards him.

"Do you? Honestly?"

"Never once!" He said, looking into her eyes. "...and that's the god-honest truth. Olivia what happened to you, happened to you, I never once let it change the way I see you."

"You haven't?"

"No; and you have to stop letting it change the way you see yourself! Olivia, I spent a lot of years running away from what I feel for you but I'm not running anymore. I want us, I want us more than I've ever wanted anything and that scares me to death, but it still feels so incredibly right. All the years I kept you waiting; I've thought about it for years but I just...it was so complicated. Wanting to do what was right. I never should've put you on hold!" He said, caressing her face.

"I did my part at keeping you away"

"Because of me and my indecisiveness. Olivia...I've loved you from the first day you walked into the squadroom; I did, it was wrong because I had a wife but I couldn't help it, I loved you; I love you and I know how much I hurt you, you never said it but I knew and I have wished every day that I hadn't, that I had done things differently but I feel like we've been given second chance and I know it's been a long road but I plan to do things right this time if you'll let me, I just need this chance."

There were tears in his eyes as he looked at her; so sincere, so full of love and honesty that she shed tears too as she looked in his eyes. This time, it was her that kissed him first. She went in slowly; their foreheads touching as she caressed his neck, noses close and lips skimming one another's as their tears fell. She looked up at him, he down at her, no words, just the sound of them breathing against the sounds of the rain outside and when her lips touched his, it was unlike anything he'd ever felt. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt because finally, she was surrendering her heart to him with this kiss and in that moment, she didn't have a thought about everything she'd been though; there was only that kiss. That beautiful, sensual kiss that had him running his fingers through her hair and each of them trying to pull the other so close. His tongue slid past her lips and the kiss deepened just as she pulled away, them struggling for air.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" She said as she stopped for a second, every nerve in her body on fire and so was his.

"Liv, I'm sorry if I-" but she put a hand to his mouth.

"If I told you that I wanted you; that I wanted you to make love to me…" she said in a whisper.

"I'd ask, are you sure?" he said, skimming her lips.

"And if I said I was? If I said I'm more sure than I've been of anything in a long time? I love you Elliot!" He smiled and kissed her, picking her up as he did, her arms around his neck and carried her to the bedroom where he laid her down. Standing above her, he looked at her lying beneath him, looking so beautiful. He removed his shirt; god, he wanted her in the worst way but he asked again before he went any further.

"You're sure you wanna do this?"

"If I said no, would you be angry?"

"Never. We'll go as slow as you need to." When she reached out to him, he took her hand and lowered himself down to the bed where she stared into his eyes before she took his head in her hands and they kissed and with him hovered over her, he began to undo her blouse, untying it and revelling for a moment when he pulled it open.

"You're so beautiful!" He said before his tongue was in her mouth, kissing her long and deep.

They made love that night and it was slow and sweet and beautiful and gentle. Him stopping to make sure that she was alright with it throughout. When she came, she came in tears, not because it felt so good, but because she was with the man she'd loved for so long and because he was loving her in a way that let her know that she was beautiful and wanted. She could tell not only in the things he said but the way he touched her! She must have had four climaxes before they were done and she felt him in every part of her body from her hair down to her toes and when she came that last time in a spooning position, them coming together as she cried his name and he kissed her as she grabbed his hair from behind her, she knew that this wasn't a mistake, that she'd chosen the right thing as she came down in his arms and he softened inside her.

He took off the condom and tossed it in the wastebasket before he wrapped his arms around her again, and littering her sweaty skin with kisses as she wept.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked.

"No...you could never."

"Then what's wrong?" He asked as she entwined their fingers, holding him.

"I'm happy! I'm really, honestly happy!" She said in tears. "Everything I want is right here in this room; I love you and I always will!"

The outside world or what was in her head couldn't come between them that night as the rain fell and they kissed as she lay in his arms, feeling so protected. This was what she had been missing those three years and now she had it again, that sense of undoubted love. Tomorrow they would go back to the city and she was sure that troubles would come but for now, they had tonight and as she lay in his arms, she was so thankful to have him back and to know that this time, he was hers. Nobody else's but hers.

See y'all soon!