Chapter 46 picks up where the last left off.

"I'll be honest wit you Collins, you seem like an okay brotha but I can't say I trust you, in fact I don't trust most men when it comes to Amanda. She's been hurt and I don't wanna see her go through that again." Fin let him know, straight and to the point.

"And I respect that, which is why I'm coming to you two before we take it to the brass. I'm in love with her and she loves me too. I know you guys are like her family and I wanna let you know that my intentions are good ones; I only wanna make her happy and it would make her extremely happy to know that we have your blessing in a way so I'm asking that you give it."

Amaro sat there remembering that phone call he'd heard the end of and wondered just how much Darrell loved Amanda. If he really did then he'd tell the truth about the phone call, right?

As he sat at his desk, searching the criminal database for a suspect, Darrell remembered vividly the conversation he'd had with Fin and Amaro. It was pretty pleasant until Amaro asked him about the end of that conversation he'd had with Bronwyn and he'd lied still and said it was a wrong number and the woman had gotten ripe with him. He didn't know how to tell them that he'd gotten mixed up with Bronwyn and that she was blackmailing him into helping her; he wasn't even sure with what he was helping her with at this point. Only being told to keep his phone near and wait for instructions.

He thought Amaro bought it and that was good. He'd gotten he and Fin's blessing and that's all that mattered for now though he knew that he had to figure a way out of this mess if he was ever going to consider getting more serious about Amanda.

"Hey." Amanda said from behind him, startling him from his reverie.

"Hey you."

"I was thinking, it's lunchtime…"

"Hungry?"

"Not for food. And the cribs are empty… And I'm not wearing panties!" She whispered in his ear and licked it, making sure no one was within eyeshot of them and quickly walked away. He immediately got turned on.

"Meet you in five!"

"Don't make me wait; I might just rub it out!" She said and went off toward the cribs. He absolutely had to find a way out of this mess with Bronwyn!

Later that day after the nurses had checked her temperature and blood pressure for the night, she sat up in bed with her cards in her hand and a pile of alcohol pads as the ante on the table.

"Gimme four" She said, handing him her cards. Elliot looked at her with a smile on his face like she had just made the stupidest poker mistake ever.

"You want four cards?"

"Mmhm, four cards." She reiterated. "Is there a problem Stabler?" She said with a smile of her own.

"Nope. Four it is!" He dealt the cards to her, his smile even slyer now that he was sure his hand was unbeatable. She put the cards in her hand then looked over at him.

"Tell me again, what does it mean if I have 4 kings?" She asked innocently to which his smile immediately disappeared.

"It means you win!" and he turned his hand with three of a kind, aces high, in on the table.

"I'll be sure to remember that in case I ever get it!" She laughed, turning in a hand that had one pair of matching cards- a pair of 3's and took all of the alcohol pads.

"You rotten little cheater!" She laughed as he stood and drew into her. "Can I kiss you?"

"Thought you'd never ask!" She said as their lips met in a smoldering kiss then let out a small yawn. "ooh, excuse me!"

"Tired?"

"A little."

"Get some sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up." He said with a kiss.

"How about you lay with me?"

"I think I can do that." He said and quickly toed off his shoes and climbed into bed with her, once again snuggling up to her backside where he kissed her on the neck.

"You smell so good!"

"You feel even better!" She said as she turned her head to kiss him on the mouth. "Tell me again"

"That I love you and that you're the only one for me, forever?" She smiled and kissed him again, and he put his hand in the v of her shirt, making contact with her nipples. She moaned in his mouth as they continued, revelling at the feel of his hand but with them being so sore she had to quickly divert it.

"You okay?"

"That feels good but they hurt."

"I'm sorry!"

"It's alright. How about you…?" She pulled his hand to her lips and kissed it before slowly guiding it under the covers and between her legs.

"I can do that!" When he inserted his hand in her panties and found her clit, rubbing her there, she smiled euphorically. "You like that?" He whispered.

"I love that!" She said breathily.

"We're gonna get caught!"

"Then you better keep going...oh god!" She cried as the feeling intensified and she began to moan as her wetness flowed.

"That's it...just relax." He said as he rubbed her a bit harder.

"Elliot...oh...!" She said and shrieked a bit loud as the pressure was building. It felt so good that she let go of his hand to reach back and grab his neck, writhing in total bliss as she bit her lip to keep from screaming. After a couple minutes, she came with Elliot kissing her as she calmed down. "I want you inside me!"

"We don't have a condom." He reminded her. He was hard enough to split a rock and as eager as he was to get inside her, he had to think of her first and he wasn't sure how she'd deal with him releasing in or near her where she could see it. The last thing he wanted to do was traumatize her in any way.

"I can't…"

"Hey, it's okay."

"I don't mean to be…I'm Sorry." She said, practically in tears.

"Liv, one step at a time, you'll get there!"

"What if I don't?"

"Then you don't. My loving you isn't predicated on whether or not we can have sex and if and when we do, it's at your pace and at your discretion okay? Come here." But instead she turned to get out of bed.

"I have to take a shower." She said as she struggled, holding the side rails to get up and going straight for the bathroom when she did.

"Liv-" But the door to the bathroom had already closed and Elliot was left feeling that he'd screwed up..

It's been days for her and no sign of him. It's as if she'd imagined that he'd come back. But he did, he was here, so why can't she feel him?

The last words he said to her "Sorry. My advice only works if it's just you and me; not him. I'll be back when you're clear on that!"

But what had he expected her to do? Just throw Harlan out into the street? She still had love for him and doesn't that count for something?

This silence; that's how it had been. she'd talk to God Baby but he wouldn't reply and she felt so alone. Harlan didn't pay her any attention except to be abusive, even when Christmas came and he couldn't leave the house because he'd was sick with a nasty infection and like the dutiful wife, Bronwyn dropped everything to care for him only for her to be hit and yelled at throughout. Needless to say the holidays were dreadful.

The final straw for her however had started four days ago. Knowing that he was ill, Harlan decided to go for another trip into the city just before Christmas, and when he got there, he went straight to Olivia's building only this time, figuring he was safe from being noticed, he went right up to the doorman and asked if she was home. When the doorman told him that Miss Benson had moved out weeks ago with no forwarding address, Harlan was enraged and stormed out of the building!

At first he tried drinking his anger away but when that didn't work, he went looking for Olivia and finally, when that didn't work, furious, he drove back to the Hamptons and took his anger out on Bronwyn.

The beating and raping went on until he passed out and even then, she was afraid to move for fear that he'd punish her even more. But when she realized after an hour that he was really passed out, she slipped from the bed and went to her bathroom where she saw, over the peeling and spotting, her bruised, bloodied face for the first time since he began and she just broke down and cried.

He slept the day away today, like it was nothing and she had decided that this was it; she couldn't take it anymore and she needed God Baby but he was still quiet and as she heard Harlan getting up, her heart began to pound its way nearly out of her chest. She was afraid of him, especially in his anger and wished she were anywhere but here right now.

"Git mah dinner!" He simply said when he appeared in the doorway in his white underwear. No other greeting, no apology, simply Git mah dinner! She quietly went about it, serving him quickly, so glad that his anger seemed to have quelled. It was halfway through their silent supper that he asked her again.

"So what was it?" He said as he tore off a leg on his chicken and took a big bite. "Was you gon tell me she moved?"

"I didn't know." She said so quietly that it didn't register.

"Say what now?"

She cleared her throat and spoke again, this is time louder, though not much. "I didn't know." She lied staring down at her plate on which she hadn't touched a thing. She never counted that a denial so small would send Harlan to beat her again, but then, she didn't know what to expect from him as he got up and shoved her into the floor.

She had had enough. She had her trial starting in just over three weeks and she just couldn't do it like this; she needed guidance. For the first time ever, she started to believe that she just might go to jail. She didn't have the time to wait for God Baby to come around and tell her what to do; she had to think and the first thing she thought was protecting Olivia and the baby from Harlan.

...

He sat looking for any news on Brian. Sick and weak as a baby, he needed sleep but he was determined to know, he had to; his life counted on it.

He'd decided that as soon as he was well, he'd cut his losses and kill Bronwyn, take what money she had stashed in this house then get Olivia and run! He still had 8 weeks before she delivered, that would give him plenty of time to get his health right before he struck.

Luckily for him, he had luck on his side. The article that he'd had Bronwyn read to him an hour ago said that the detective had been comatose now for over three weeks and wasn't expected to recover anytime soon if at all.

"And that's just what I need. Ex boyfriend blowin whistles, fuckin Bronwyn gettin in the way" If he wasn't already dead by the time he got better, he'd have to kill him too.

He had to stop and cough, long and hard, wracking his body, nearly throwing him out of the bed when he turned and leaned off the side of the bed. This pneumonia was killing him. He needed to be in a hospital but that was out of the question. So while he lay here coughing up the thickest, nastiest phlegm and blood he'd just have to let run it's course.

The perils of being presumed dead!

"What are you doing back in here?" Barba said as he entered Olivia's hospital room the next morning. "I thought we agreed, no more hospitals until the baby comes!" He said with a kiss to her cheek as she came from the bathroom looking pale after throwing up.

"The doctor wanted to monitor my blood pressure meds, they have and I'm going home later today."

"Your blood pressure? How serious?"

"It's under control I promise."

"You look pale" He noted as he took her hand and helped her down onto the small sofa

"Yeah, well throwing up does that…" he started to speak but she cut him off "...morning sickness. This is a surprise, you coming here!"

"We got a Christmas miracle!" He said as he took a seat beside her, and was seemingly in a much better mood than he had been since getting this case.

"It's two days after Christmas but I'll take it." She said. "You seem different."

"I am, I got some good news… Where's Stabler? He actually left you here alone?"

"He had a meeting at the bureau and the guys are tied up at work. Besides, I think I'm okay for a couple hours. So where are we? I assume you want to talk about my case." She said and took a sip of water from her cup on the table.

"Yes, the Sergeant; he wants a plea deal." When he said it, she stopped and sat it down. "says he doesn't want to drag you through a trial."

"How thoughtful!" She sneered, taking off her eyeglasses and setting them down on the coffee table then smoothed the sloppy ponytail in her hair. "And here I was thinking you had actual good news!"

"I know it isn't what you wanted to hear…"

"No, what I want to hear is that the remaining seven have been rounded up and bombs have been placed in their ass-"

"Language!" He said, pointing at her belly.

"Don't worry, she's asleep." She said, putting her hands to her belly. "Sometimes I wish…"

"...we'll get them all" he said, his voice soft but sure. "...but in the meantime this guy pleads guilty to all charges, he does twenty five years and that's one less for you to worry about."

"You DAs all practice the same speeches, don't you?"

"Sometimes we have to."

"He took the time to make his way to that state, to that that house and that room; all of them did and none of them, not one took a moment to think about what they were doing. Not even a man who made a vow to uphold the law! Do you know what a hard time I've had believing that there's even a point to what we do since I found out that one was a cop?"

"And I know it's hard"

"Do you? Raf, I can't keep this going; it's taking everything in me and I can't! I'm gonna have this baby soon- what happens when this starts to affect her?"

"And if I could make this go away, believe me, I would..."

Since the case had come to him a couple of weeks ago, he'd been obsessing over every aspect. Determined that he would bring the men responsible to justice; even skipping out on his Christmas vacation plans which didn't sit well with his boyfriend but in the end, he understood why this was so important to Rafael. Olivia was like family and he had to see this through. Besides, Tromsø would be there next year.

"...but you have a job to do!" She whispered.

"We have a job to do." He reminded her as he squeezed her hand.

"Take the deal."

"Are you sure?"

"I was sure about Pennsylvania, I'm sure now, and I'm sure that I need this to be behind me." She said as she rubbed the underside of her belly. "Take the deal. Tell me when to show up, I'll be there."

Later that day at the hospital in Staten Island, Amanda had finally decided that she would go and pay Brian a visit, much to Nick's disapproval.

"I just think that with the... history you two have…" He said for lack of a better word.

"You are bein ridiculous"

"Am I?" When two of the unis walked by, they both quickly lowered their voices and waited on them to go before they spoke again.

"Nick, Brian and me were friends long before this...thing ever came up, come on what kind of friend would I be if I didn't go see about him?"

"Amanda; just…"

"You're bein ridiculous!" She reiterated, laughing, just then the elevator finally came and she stepped on, putting on her coat.

Now, standing there in front of Brian's room, she started to have second thoughts.

She didn't actually like hospitals and she liked them even less now because it seemed that every time she had been in one lately, it was somebody she cared about and now was no exception. She and Brian definitely shouldn't have gone there, but she did care about him, and now to know that he's lying here, practically d-

"Amanda, right?" A delicate voice came from behind her and she turned around to see Brian's mother standing there in her miniscule 5 foot, 2 inch frame.

"Mrs. Cassidy." She said, remembering quickly. She'd only met the woman once, for a second back when Olivia and Brian were dating. Who would have thought that she'd remember her?

And who would have thought that she'd start crying and throwing herself into my arms? Amanda thought as Joanie did just that, leaving Amanda with no choice but to hold the weeping woman and tell her that it would be alright.

She really hated emotional people.

"So are we just gonna let it go?" Elliot said as they sat in the kitchen of their home.

"What are you talking about? We discussed what Barba said." She recalled and put a piece of banana in her mouth.

"I meant what happened between us last night."

"Please don't make this an issue!"

"I'm sorry. I just-"

"Elliot please" He knew that some things, she had to to deal with on her own, in her own time. And even though he just wanted to be sure that she was okay, he let it go and they sat there in silence for a minute.

"I just…I get scared thinking what if I'm never normal again?"

"You are normal"

"I'm not."

"You're your normal and I love your normal."

"Yeah? And what if you have to deal with my normal for the rest of your life? Why don't you just walk away?" She said through tears. It hurt her to have to say it, but it hurt him even more to hear it and he caught a pained look, like he had just been kicked in the stomach.

"Do you love me?" He asked her, trying to hold in his tears.

"What?"

"Do you love me? You tell me to reassure you all the time, well I'm asking you to reassure me; do you love me?"

"Of course I love you; loving you is the only thing that makes sense in this whole world right now!"

"Then don't ever say that I can walk away, because I can't do that any more than I could quit breathing! I have waited, it seems like a lifetime to be with you and to be able to tell the world that we are and I'm yours and you're mine! We are in this together, I am in this with you no matter what so unless you want out, this is it!"

"I don't; I just don't want you to ever look back one day and say that you regret this!"

"I'm here and I'm in; you gotta trust me on that!" He told her on no uncertain terms and for the umpteenth time as he looked her in the eyes and wiped her tears. She nodded and held him tight when they were suddenly interrupted by her phone vibrating. "Of course now…" She kissed him faintly before she picked it up.

"It's Amanda" she said, looking at the display as she wiped her eyes before talking. "Hey, what's up?" But she heard nothing at first. "Amanda?"

She didn't realize that she pocket dialed Liv as she rose. "I want you to know how sorry I am, Brian's a good guy and he din't deserve this." Amanda told his mom as she got up to leave.

"He told me about you two; the time you..." Joanie said as she smoothed Brian's forehead. Shocked, Amanda had to sit back down.

"Wh- I don't…"

"It's okay, I'm not judging you. In fact, I wish that the two of you had decided to keep it going, you're such a lovely girl."

"Mrs. Cassidy… Brian and I… We, what happened between us was simply out of frustration. We never; I never intended anything more from it, it was what it was and I'm sorry if that…"

As Olivia stood listening, she felt her heart drop and without speaking, she hung up the phone and dropped it, leaning on the counter as she began rubbing her stomach.

"Liv..." Elliot called but she was speechless, finally finding a voice after a long moment.

"I um; I just remembered I have to… Excuse me!" She said, steaming mad and now fighting angry tears as she left the kitchen.

I deleted chapter 38, which was a note i had included, not a chapter so it may tell you that you're missing a chapter of the story but you're not. See you next time.