Chapter 48, this chapter is a bit...yeah. SVU characters belong to Dick Wolf.

.

When she was jarred by the sound of someone knocking on her door just after eleven, she thought that Darrell had perhaps lost his key and she hurried to the door, not bothering to put a robe on over the very thin nightgown she wore. She'd had this feeling for the last couple of hours that something was terribly wrong and immediately she started making phone calls. Her momma, Olivia… When she found everything to be alright with them, that's when she began to really worry. She never got this feeling unless it was something really bad and for some reason her mind was stuck on Darrell!

She tried unsuccessfully to call him several times. No biggie she told herself, knowing that they often didn't answer their phones when they were out on the job unless it was job related. So why didn't this set her mind at ease?

She got to the door expecting to throw it open and see him standing there, to feel his arms around her when she told him how worried she was that something had happened to him. She expected to hear him laugh gently; a smile etched across his beautiful chocolate face when he told her not to worry and held her tight.

"Nothing will ever keep me from coming home to you!"

He'd say this and she'd feel better; especially after he'd make love to her until she was literally, too tired to move. She knew what the job brought with it; she was a cop herself but, never before had she known what it's like to worry about another person on such a level as she did with him which was why she was so relieved as she made it to that door and she undid those locks, too many really. She'd be moving in with him in his giant loft soon; the one that she told him a million times was too big but, for now, all she could think about was jumping into his arms. Except, when she opened it there was no Darell, only Fin and she felt an eerie shiver.

"Fin... what are you doing here so late? Where's Darrell?"

"Can I come in?" He said, his eyes wet with tears, he'd seen a man die tonight! Tried to keep pressure on his wound until the ambulance arrived but it was already too late. Now, here he was; after going to the morgue and dealing with IAB; he knew what this would do to Amanda and no matter how he tried to prepare himself before he knocked on her door, nothing prepared him for the shocked silence. It was as if she just turned off and suddenly, there she was. She went silent and she walked into the living room and sat, picking up a picture of them together and stared at it for a long time before she turned to Fin, who hadn't moved from the doorway and said in a broken whisper:

"Take me to him, please."

At Elliot's, it was after midnight and Olivia, unable to sleep, had gotten up and come into the living room. Her mind had begun swimming again, getting her lost in an ocean of thoughts and the more she tried to drown them out, the more persistent they became until finally she crept out of bed, away from the warmth of Elliot's naked body sleeping so soundly like he always had when he'd had his fill of good sex; and she left the room, being careful to shut the door though a bomb wouldn't wake him right now! She laughed to herself and continued down the hall.

When she got to the living room, she opened the coffee table book, the larger of the three and took something out from between it's pages.

Sitting down on the sofa and wrapping herself in the cashmere throw from the side, she rubbed her belly to calm her daughter and also to put herself at ease before she looked at the envelope in her hand addressed simply to 'Sergeant Benson' in plain writing.

I should have gotten rid of it yesterday! She thought now that she had time alone. She didn't know why she had kept the letter after making it so clear to Rafael that she didn't want it. She felt like it brought a bad vibe to not just her but to the house and she didn't want to receive it. The cop was dead. He'd done the right thing in killing himself as far as she was concerned; they all deserved to die! But still, she had to know if maybe, just maybe somehow she could find it in herself to forgive and let go which was why when Barba left and forgot about the letter, she put it away until she decided what to do with it and now on this sleepless night, she knew she had to read it even if she'd turn around and regret it. And so, with trembling hands, she tore open the envelope and removed the two pages that were enclosed and turned on the lamp beside the couch with a deep breath.

Sergeant Benson,

I know that there is nothing I can say that will in any way make up for what we did to you but the truth is, it happened, so why should I feel sorry? Make no mistake, the only reason that I'm choosing suicide is because, let's face it, 1) it's horrible for a cop in prison, especially one that's in for rape and 2) I'll be an old man by the time I'm eligible for parole so what do I have to live for?

Was this real? She could feel the sting of tears in her eyes as she looked down again at the letter. This was what his final words were?

First off, who knew you were a cop? And with the NYPD? Whoa! I just wanted to tell you that you were worth the $1000 I spent to fuck you! Having you at my mercy, using your body to my satisfaction, how I pleased was the greatest thing I ever did and I only regret that I didn't get the chance to do it again! Especially when I saw that baby bump in court; who knew you were pregnant when we dogged you? I sat in that courtroom just thinking how you would have looked at that moment, on your knees as I fucked you… Oh, I would have loved the chance to bust all over your belly but I guess it wasn't meant to be. Hey, do you remember how we all took turns fucking you in your ass? Lucky me, I got to go first! Just know sweetheart, no matter what anybody tells you, you ARE a whore, and not only that, but you're a terrific one! I mean, you say you begged us to stop, but the truth is you wanted every bit of what was done to you and you loved it! I remember how you came, hell, I bet we all do and I will forever keep those memories!

Take care slut!

Sergeant Michael S. Newlander

She immediately began ripping the letter into a bunch of pieces, tears falling while she got up from the sofa, got the envelope that the letter came in and headed to the kitchen, grabbing the lighter fluid from beneath the sink and the lighter from the drawer. Ignoring the fact that she was only wearing a short gown with not much else on, she headed straight out the back door and down the stairs to the fire pit and put the pieces to the letter and envelope in before she soaked them in lighter fluid and lit them, watching them go up amongst the logs, then sat down on the lawn chair and cried as she watched it burn.

She hadn't even bothered to change her clothes before she and Fin had left the house; she just put in a coat over her nightgown and now, Amanda sat in the hall of the medical examiner's absolutely numb. She hadn't prepared herself for seeing him, his beautiful brown eyes that were still open; feeling him already starting to get cold.

She broke down at the table the minute she saw him; crying so hard, it felt like she'd die right along with him! She kissed him through her tears; several times and when she was able she talked to him but she was so heartbroken that she could barely get the words out.

The whole ride there she imagined that maybe Fin was wrong; he wasn't dead, he couldn't be, this was all a mistake but then they got there and as she went down that hall she started praying as she dragged her feet. God please… please don't let this be! I'll do anything; just please…! She quickly found her prayers to be in vain!

"Darrell!" She cried uncontrollably with a hand to her mouth and Fin's heart broke all over again.

"Amanda" but she didn't hear him. She was too lost in her grief.

"You can't leave me, you promised! What about our vows… Darrell please, wake up! She continued to cry, lying on his chest. "Oh god!" She wept.

When she could cry no more, she gently closed his eyes and kissed his lips several times before she staggered out of the autopsy suite and the attending came over to her but she was surprised to see Nick standing behind him.

"Nick!" She cried and fell into his arms.

"I'm so sorry!" He said as he held her.

"We'll be releasing his personal possessions as soon as his mother arrives."

"She's in London and it's okay" she said in her haze, pulling away from Nick's arms. "You can give them to me… I'm his wife!"

"His what?" Fin and Nick both said, shocked.

Now, sitting in Darrell's apartment; their apartment that they would have shared, she sat on the sofa with Nick, in absolute shock.

"Made you some tea, it'll help you sleep." Fin said to her softly and handed it to her.

"Thanks Fin." She said and took a small sip before sitting it down. "I know that you and Amaro didn't think much of him." He and Amaro looked at one another.

"It's not that, we just…" He started, sitting on the coffee table in front of her.

"He was a good man; one of the best I've ever known. I just wish you all had seen that." She said through her tears.

"Married huh?" Nick asked. She nodded and wiped her eyes but it did no good as the tears were quickly replaced with more.

"We went to Vegas just to have fun for the weekend...get away for the cold weather and that Saturday night he said "let's do it, let's get married" and I just knew it was right. We called our parents after,to let them know… He just knew his mom was gonna freak but she welcomed me... And then she cussed us out for eloping!" She laughed for a moment. "I don't know what I'm gonna do without him!" She said as she cried. He sat on the couch, on the other end of her and held her.

"It's alright, let it out!" Fin tried to comfort her, they both did, but wondered if any of it did any good. At the end, she lost her husband, someone she loved and that had to hurt more than anything.

Some time later, Elliot turned over in Olivia's bed, reaching for her only to find her side of the bed empty. He slowly opened his eyes and looked to the bathroom but when he saw the door open with the light off, he knew she wasn't in there and sleepily sat up.

"Liv?" He called out in the dark, receiving no answer, he got out of bed, covering his nakedness with a bedsheet that he wrapped on his waist and walked out of the room. "Liv?" He called as he entered the living room. He saw the small lamp on by the sofa and the throw on the floor and he panicked, thinking she might be in labor and he ran for the kitchen, freezing the moment he came near the door. "What the- Olivia?" He called as he went into the kitchen and found the back door open and immediately went out to find her sitting in a chair; no clothes other than her short nightgown, no shoes and seeming in a trance as she watched the fire in the pit with tears in her eyes.

"Olivia…" He ran over, crouching down in front of her and stroking her face as tears fell. "You're freezing!" He said, and without a second thought he removed the sheet he was wearing and wrapped it around her, rubbing her arms through the fabric to warm her.

"He said I wanted it…" She said, crying almost inaudibly. "I never wanted that, I never asked to be held down and...and…" She cried. He didn't know what was going on but her knew he had to get her out of the cold. He didn't know how long she'd been here but judging by her temperature and that of the kitchen…

"Come on, let's get you inside!" He said and helped her stand up, going inside the house and shutting the back door. He walked her into her bedroom where he sat her down on the bed then slipped into his pajama pants. He ran to the bathroom to run a hot bath and came right out; she was still crying when he sat in front of her to warm her feet which were freezing and he immediately began to rub them.

"Olivia, baby, what were you doing out there?"

"I had to burn it!" She said in tears "I never should have let it into this house!"

"Let what in?"

"The letter…"

Fin had gotten Amanda to sleep in the bedroom and he decided, instead of going home it would be best to stay on the couch in case she needed him and so he looked around until her found a linen closet and he got a pillow to make himself comfortable.

He couldn't believe what had happened tonight; Collins was dead and if that wasn't enough, they found out that Amanda had married this man two weeks ago. How the hell did they not see that coming?

He thought about the conversation he had with Darrell just this afternoon… What was he referring to? Fin knew that it was something he was involved in but what?

"If it were me, I'd tell this person to hell with them!" Fin told him.

"But what if that didn't work? Let's say this person was threatening someone you loved? ...hypothetically."

"Darrell, imma ask you, is it somethin I need to know?"

"No. Like I said; it's just a hypothetical!"

"What did you do?" Fin wondered out loud.

"Fin?" Nick called, snapping Fin out of his reverie.

"I'm sorry, I guess I got lost in my thoughts."

"How're you holding up?"

"Me? You know how it is."

"Yeah, I do. And I know it's never easy seein another cop get cut down!"

"I wish I could get it to stop playin in my mind but hey, that's the job right?" Nick patted him on the back and they sat silent for a minute until his phone rang.

"Amaro!" He said as he answered his phone "Yeah, okay I'll be right there, text me the address!" And he hung up. "Damnit, I gotta go. You'll be alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. You be careful out there!"

"I will." He said and grabbed his stuff and left.

Fin walked over to the giant windows and looked out for a second then turned around. He had to know what Darrell was hiding and if there was a clue, maybe it was in this apartment.

"God forgive me!" He uttered to himself and went about searching the apartment.

Elliot had gotten Olivia into a hot bath and now he sat by the tub, bathing her. She told him, though tears all about the letter and she was just a mess. "It feels like every time I start to make a little progress, something has to come along and sideswipe it… El, I'm so tired!"

Now she had gone quiet and just sat there, allowing him wash her and when he got her out, he dressed her in warm pajamas and now he brought her hot chocolate as she sat in the living room under a blanket on the sofa and he sat down in the chair opposite her. She took a long sip and looked down at it.

"He knew he was about to die and the last thing he could think was to be able to taunt me…"

"And you're stronger than his taunting Liv; you have to believe that!"

"I'm not; and that letter just proved it!"

"Liv, don't do this to yourself"

"It's a sign; El, I'm not strong enough to have this baby; to protect her and the universe knows it!" She said looking down into her cup as she swirled the drink.

"Liv…"

"Maybe Brian and his mom had the right idea"

"What are you talking about?" When he asked, she suddenly looked up with fresh tears.

"...that I'm not fit to raise her! How can I be her mother El, when I'm constantly losing it?"

"You'll be alright"

"I won't!" She cried, shaking her head and sat the mug down on the end table. "and I should have seen it sooner; I can't take care of her, El. What happens when I have a flashback in front of her when she's old enough to ask questions?"

"Then we'll deal with it."

"No, we won't." She said as she caressed her baby.

"Liv, what are you saying?" He asked as she tried to collect her tears.

"If the test comes back..." she wiped the tears that were falling from her nose with the back of her hand. "if it comes back and Brian is the father, I'm not gonna fight anymore; I'm gonna give his mother the baby!"

"You can't… And what if he's not the father? Olivia, you have to think about this!"

"I have thought about it. I'm gonna call an adoption attorney as soon as the results come back."

"Olivia, don't do this; you're not thinking clearly okay. You're upset by that letter, you…"

"Don't! Just...please don't!" She cried and got up from the sofa holding the underside of her belly with one hand while she wiped her eyes with the other and made her way through the hall.

"Liv…" But she was already gone. Once inside her bedroom, she sat on the bed and cried for her daughter and herself, for as hard as this was going to be, she knew that she was doing the right thing and that someday Serena would understand; she only prayed that she wouldn't hate her.

"I'm sorry, baby girl!"

She was alone for just a few seconds when Elliot came in the room.

"Please, don't try to talk me out of this!" She cried.

"I'm not." He said, trying to keep his own tears at bay. The fact was, he loved this little girl probably as much as her mother and he couldn't bear to see her go. She would be here soon and he had been waiting for her just like Olivia had. He wanted to tell her and show her how loved she is; he wanted to be a father to her. To hold her when she came into the world and let her know that everything would be alright, just like he tried to let Olivia know; just like he would try to make her understand now and he spoke so softly to her. "I know you need somebody right now and I just wanna be that somebody. I don't understand this but please don't shut me out...please." tears trailed down his face and he wiped them away. "Just talk to me!" He said as he sat beside her on the bed and she threw herself into his arms sobbing.

The next morning at Darrell's apartment, Fin hadn't really slept all night, he was worried about Amanda and stayed awake in case she needed him but amazingly she slept the whole night through.

This morning he called into the precinct and told them he wouldn't be in; he just didn't feel right leaving her alone especially since Darrell's mother was in London and couldn't get back before this afternoon and she hadn't even called her mom since they didn't much get along. He got up and cleared the couch, putting the pillow away before he made his way to the master bedroom and knocked as he slid the Japanese style doors open and went to look in on Amanda.

"Manda; how you... are you…"

"I'm fine, Fin" she said as she lay there so still. She held his pillow tight, and for the first time, Fin saw her wedding and engagement rings on her left hand. Darrell didn't flaunt his wealth by any means but damn!

"How about some breakfast, I'm sure there's plenty take out menus in the kitchen."

"I'm not hungry...you can go." She said without turning to look at him.

"Amanda, I'm not leaving you like this!"

"Fin please "she was trying not to cry. "I just wanna be alone and sleep." He started to speak but he knew it was pointless and decided to listen to what she wanted.

"I'll call to check on you!" He said, kissed her and left; the door locking behind him. Amanda just lay there, curled up to Darrell's pillow and started to cry again.

Over at El's it was much of the same thing. Olivia had cried practically all night and she was still set on what she'd resolved to do. Elliot had been there, he'd listened and held her but there was nothing he could've said last night to change her mind. She thought that this was the right thing to do; to give up her- their little girl when she was born.

He knew she wasn't thinking straight and that that letter had spooked her and he hoped that between now and when she actually gave birth, (which could be within a couple weeks according to her doctor) she would change her mind but he didn't have much faith.

"If Barba had just let me beat the hell out of the bastard when he was alive, he never would have written that damn letter!"

This morning he got up and while Olivia was still, mercifully sleeping he went for a run to clear his head but he ran 5 miles and all the mess that was there didn't move. He got home feeling even worse that when he left but he was thankful when he got back and Olivia was still sleeping. She needed it after the night she had.

When the phone rang, he put down his plate and got up from the table to answer it. "Yeah, hello? Oh hey Carolyn… They are? Yes… I will tell her. Thanks for calling. You too." He hadn't hung up the phone two seconds when Olivia came in the kitchen.

"Hey. Sleep okay?"

"Not so much." She said as she went to the fridge and got a ginger ale. Her eyes were red once again, he knew she'd been crying.

"Liv…"

"Please Elliot, I don't need you to make this harder for me!" They were both silent for a moment until he couldn't take it and spoke up.

"What about me? Do you think this is easy for me? Liv, you just told me that you wanna give her up and I know it doesn't matter what I think because I'm not her father but I love her! I sat through all these months and I watched her grow inside you; I was right there when we thought we'd lose her." Both of them were in tears at this point.

"You don't understand-"

"I do understand! Whatever was in that letter made you rethink if you could do this and I'm telling you, you can; we can. Ever since you decided that you wanna keep her you've done everything in your power to protect her; you gave her a name; your mother's name. Liv she's our baby how could you wanna give her up!"

"Stop!"

"Liv"

"STOP!" she yelled, her tears coming in torrents. "I love her; she's been growing under my heart and I love her, but don't you see that it's not just that letter, it's everything! It's me and you and Brian and his mom...Elliot they're right; I can't raise her, I'd only screw her up and I don't want that!"

"You won't!" He said grabbing her hands. "I believe in you!"

"But I don't believe in me. I've just been lying to myself all these months telling myself that I could do this!" she said as her tears continued falling.

"You can, you just-"

"No. And I'm sorry that I let you grow to love her but I can't do it. At least if Brian is the dad, his mom will allow me to see her and see how she's growing."

"Liv please don't do this! I am begging you, please!" He cried.

"I'm sorry!" She turned to go out of the kitchen but he pulled her back and held her in his arms. She let out a deep breath as she cried against him for a long moment.

"I'm here." He cried. Even if I don't agree with you, I'm here… I promise, I'm here!"

"You mean it?"

"I do! We'll get through it." He told her and kissed her head and held her tighter.

At Marilyn Binks' office in New York City, Bronwyn stepped off the elevator and into the reception area. She had a few more meetings with Marilyn before the hearing which was in less than a week and at this point, Bronwyn was nervous, thinking what if she goes to jail.

"Bronwyn!" Marilyn greeted, come on into my office. Kesha, please hold my calls."

"Yes Ms. Binks."

When they got into Marilyn's office and shut the door…

"Once again, we could have done this at my house!" Bronwyn complained as she sat down at the table and crossed her legs.

We couldn't have, because you're a psycho and I don't trust you.

"I thought it would be best if we came here. Coffee?" She offered, making no mention of the fact that the dead baby in the jar was missing. Up until now, they'd done most of the trial prep work by phone because of the holidays that recently passed but today Marilyn thought that she should see Bronwyn face to face. She had some news to deliver and thought it best to do it in person.

"No, thank you. I just wanna get this done and be over with it." Bronwyn spoke honestly.

"Bronwyn… The reason I called you here today; we've got a defense plan for your trial and it's a sure fire win…"

"Then use it!"

"That's just it; we- I wanted to talk to you about it...it's very personal." Marilyn said as she sat down across from Bronwyn and brought the tissues close.

"What is this?"

"Bronwyn...I want you to know that; you have to be strong."

"For what?" When Marilyn hesitated she reiterated her question. "Marilyn… For what do I need to remain calm?"

"A while ago when you asked me about your real father; biological father…"

"And you said you didn't know."

"That wasn't exactly the truth." Marilyn said.

"What do you mean "exactly"? Either it was or it wasn't so which is it?" Bronwyn yelled, getting agitated at Marilyn's obvious dodging of the question.

"Wasn't...I've known who he was. I just, it's complicated."

"Then uncomplicate it. Who is he?"

"Bronwyn…"

"Marilyn, who is he?"

"...your dead husband...Harlan Lewis!"

"I thought you weren't comin in today." Nick said surprisingly upon seeing Fin walk into the squad room.

"I wasn't but Amanda didn't want the company…" on your way out?"

"Yeah, I was gonna go to Liv's, I figured I'd tell her about Amanda before she hears about it on TV. Why don't you come with me? It's slow as hell around here!"

At Barba's office…

"Mr. Barba, you have Elliot-"

"No need to announce me!" Elliot said as he walked past her, storming into the office as she quickly followed.

"You!" Elliot pointed at Barba who was frighteningly sitting behind his desk and looked up into the man's bloodshot and very angry eyes.

"Sir. I'm sorry!" His secretary apologized.

"It's alright. Please, close the door on your way out." He said calmly; too calm for the way he was feeling right now but, he had faith that if he needed it, security would be here hopefully in enough time to stop Elliot from killing him over...wait, what exactly was he mad about?

The secretary closed the door and Elliot turned his attention back to Barba.

"Look, whatever this is about-"

"Whatever this is about? You come into my house, bringing Olivia a letter from the wonk-ass perp that raped her-" Barba cut him off...

"He committed suicide and left the-" only to be cut off by Elliot.

"He deserved to die, that piece of filth, and I hope he's rotting in hell for what he did to her but you; you brought that evil to Olivia!"

"It was just a letter."

"It wasn't just a letter!" He yelled and didn't care who heard. "Did you bother to read it before you gave it to her? Of course you didn't, because then you would've known that it wasn't "...just a letter!" It was a vile piece of garbage that poked fun at what he did! It mocked her to the point that it got her doubting herself, and thinking about everything that I'd talked her down from all these months and you would've known that if you'd just read the damn thing first!"

With nothing else to say, he said the only thing he could… "I'm so sorry!"

"You're sorry? Tell that to the little girl that she wants to give up because all of a sudden, she believes she can't be any good to her!"

"Stabler…"

"Save it! And thanks for nothing!" He spat and left the office, flinging the door open and left Barba sitting at his desk. He ran a hand down his face and then angrily sent a bunch of paperwork flying to the floor.

As Olivia sat in the living room, she couldn't help but think about the letter which led to thinking about those two nights she spent in that basement room and how they used her so bad she literally thought she'd die from the pain, having blacked out so many times only to come to and see it still going on. In spite of how she begged them to stop; even just to give her a small break, her words fell on deaf ears and they continued two, three at a time.

Tears slid down her face as Serena started to kick, bringing Olivia from her dangerous thoughts. "You're awake." She smiled and lovingly caressed her baby as more thoughts ran through her head.

"I will not leave you to raise my grandchild!"

Serena kicked even more to get her out of that pattern and she sat rubbing her stomach. "It's gonna be okay, I promise. You'll be happy with your grandma, you'll see...I promise she'll love you!" She said through tears as the doorbell rang. She immediately wiped her eyes before she went to answer it.

"Hey." Olivia said as she opened the front door to Fin and Nick. Her tone was so somber and it was obvious that she'd been crying though she'd tried to get it under control; not easy to do when you're faced with the things she's had to deal with in not even the last 12 hours. But still, she dried her eyes and marched to the door, hoping that they'd just ignore it.

"Have you been crying?" No such luck. "Liv?" Fin said as they came in. "What is it?"

"It's nothing."

"Don't change the subject; if it were nothing, you wouldn't be crying. Where's Stabler?" Nick asked.

"Is that what this is about? Did he do something? Because I swear fo -" Fin started but she cut him off.

"Guys, it's hormones okay? Really, I'm fine." She lied, deciding that it's just better this way, at least for now. She was surprised when Serena began kicking particularly hard, way harder than usual and she put a hand under the side of her belly and shut her eyes, breathing slowly.

"You okay?" Fin said, looking at her and feeling panicky.

"Yeah; her kicks are just insane now!" She said rubbing her belly and feeling emotional, then as if she just remembered... "What are you guys doing here?"

As she walked into her house in the city, she was still in shock from what had been revealed to her and she immediately went on a search for liquor. She found some in the livingroom; that drink table hadn't been touched since her parents died but liquor didn't spoil and so she poured a whole tumbler full and then realized as she was swallowing the gulp that she didn't drink.

"Damn you!" She screamed out loud to no one in particular as she threw the glass across the room. She was angry at the whole world; angry at Marilyn, that lying bitch! Angry at her mother and father and whoever this Johnnie Lee had been and now she wondered if William knew too. "Harlan's my father!" she laughed out loud while crying. "He's my father!" she cried and turned over the drink table as she sank down to the floor and sobbed. When she thinks of all the things she'd done for him; done to him…

"I slept with my own…" Suddenly her gag reflex kicked in and she began dry heaving. "Oh god!' she cried and ran quickly to the bathroom, just in time to vomit for real. She emptied her stomach twice, and when she was done she put the lid down and sat against the wall with her head in her hands, crying in deep, pitiful, choking sobs.

He was Little Harlan's father! That's why he wanted me to get rid of him; he knew! She thought and threw up again.

"Okay, that's enough!" She heard a voice, a voice she recognized but could it be?

"God?" She picked up her head and called out in a shaky voice, looking around the room.

"Yes mommy, it's me."

'You came back!"

"I did but, you have to listen to me, we don't have a lot of time!"

"Time?"

"Yes, now I need to know that you're with me and you'll listen to me this time!"

"I'll do anything you say!"

"Good. Now that you know that Harlan's your father, you must protect the baby"

"I already planned-"

"No, you can't just kill Olivia. Before you deliver that baby, you have to kill Harlan and then you'll be free!"

"But-"

"It's the only way...Get Olivia. Kill Harlan. Deliver that baby and go!"

"And what about Olivia?"

"You choose. But you have to protect your little brother and you have to do it fast!"

She immediately dried her eyes and got up to call Darrell.

Amanda lay, still in bed and still unable to move after last night. She cried and slept and cried some more and slept some more and now she just lay here kind of numb and thinking of Darrell the day they met.

She was so smitten with him from the first day she saw him, never suspecting that he was just as smitten with her as she thought about the first day they met.

"Hi... Rollins, right?" and he put out his hand.

"You must be Collins." Amanda said, suddenly remembering his name and shook his hand.

"Darrell Collins; nice to meet you."

"So you're the new detective, huh?" She said, I sure hope you stick around a lot longer than the guy before you"

"Guy before me? Here, let me take that" he offered and took her bag as they walked to her desk. Amanda couldn't help notice detective Collins' clean cut features; short, neat locks, a nicely trimmed soul patch and beautiful chocolate skin- he was suddenly nice to look at!

"Who knew that that would be the start of us?" She said in a barely there whisper, and suddenly the tears started again and she held the pillow tight. She didn't notice that in the living room he had a burner phone or that it was vibrating in the bag with his stuff that she'd claimed from the morgue.

...

"Damnit Darrell, I'm getting tired of this. You call me the second you get this, we're making a move!" Bronwyn said and hung up the phone. Then just as quickly had an 'Oh Shit' moment when she looked at the TV and saw them show Darrell's picture. It was him in his uniform and the reporter said he'd been killed last night.

What was she going to do now?

Late that afternoon, Elliot walked in the front door to his and Olivia's home he took off his coat and went straight to the living room to sit on the couch. After Barba's, he'd gone and just walked around the city, hoping he'd find some clarity. Something that could make him understand and then when that didn't work, he got in his car and drove out to Maureen's place where he talked about what was going on and got a whole lot of sympathy, but still no clarity!

The truth was, nothing could bring sense to this. He'd told Olivia that he would be here and that they would get through it but he didn't understand. He didn't understand how just that fast she could give up a baby that he knows beyond anything, that she loves and wants. Every day since Christmas eve when he'd shown her the nursery, she'd been in there almost every day incorporating little odds and ends, making sure that everything was perfect for when the baby came; he didn't understand how all that could change and now that he was home, he understood it even less.

He pinched the bridge between his nose as he closed his eyes for a moment before he went to go check on her; she was probably sleeping. He knew that she got a lot more tired now that Serena was so close to coming. Depending on what that test said, she had just four or five more weeks though she wouldn't go that long. The doctor told them recently that she was betting on another week at most.

"A week and she's no longer here!" He said, wanting to punch something. He had to find a way to make her see that giving Serena up wasn't what she wanted or needed and time was against him.

"Hey Liv" He called softly as he went into her room and was surprised to find that she wasn't there. Immediately he went upstairs to the nursery, he knew that she liked to take naps on the couch up there and opened the door when he got upstairs to again, find nothing and he started to feel panic. "Liv!" He called as he went a little further down the hall and checked his bedroom; no sign of her!

He ran downstairs and checked the office, the diningroom, even the laundry room, all while calling her name to no answer. Finally he ran to the kitchen and when she wasn't there he checked the backyard.

"Liv?!"

He went back inside, dialing her cell phone as he did only to be met with her voicemail.

Hi, you've reached Olivia, please leave a message and I'll get back to you. Frantic, he left a brief one.

"Liv, baby it's me, call me back!" Then hung up and called Fin.

"Ay, what's happenin?"

"Fin, where are you?"

"Sittin in a bar with Amaro. What's goin on?"

"When's the last time you saw Liv?"

At her house in the Hamptons, Bronwyn was sitting on the edge of the bed in the basement safe room, waiting for Olivia to wake up. It was so genius; after realizing that Darrell was a loss, she'd…

Olivia was starting to open her eyes, moaning slightly at the pain in her neck where they'd had to put the sedative; chloroform wasn't good for the baby and Bronwyn didn't wanna take chances. She had opened then slightly, the light hurting them as they came into focus and began looking around the room and she realized it wasn't one she recognized.

"Where am I?" She said groggily, not having yet seen Bronwyn. "Elliot?"

"Sorry, your big strong man isn't here!" Immediately she whipped her head around as she sat up and saw her captor.

"Bronwyn...what the hell are you doing?" She was trying to stand up but she was still dizzy from the sedative and went back down.

"What do you think I'm doing?!" Bronwyn said as she put the covers back on her.

"What did you give me?" She slurred as her hand went to her neck, the site of the injection. "Bronwyn…"

"It's okay Olivia, you just rest...we have plenty time to catch up!" and she went to the door, putting in the code.

"Bronwyn, don't go; don't…" She started but was quickly passed out again.

"Don't worry Olivia, I'll be here!" She said and went out the door. "Next up, kill my bastard father!"

Mmmmmhm!