Chapter 54.

Two hours since he and Olivia had a heart to heart in her room and he could see, even then her emotional state deteriorating. As much as she'd tried to maintain a sense of happiness at her daughter being here, she couldn't hide the underlying sadness that was outweighing it and Elliot was worried about her.

Right now, the nurse had come in to check her, and while she was doing that, Elliot stepped out and took a call that came in from Elizabeth. After 15 minutes, they were just winding down their conversation when he saw two visitors coming down the hall.

"Okay...let me get back to you, Lizzie; I love you too!" Two men who were obviously from the bureau were approaching Olivia's door and he hurried over, cutting them off. "Can I help you gentlemen?"

"Stabler, right? I'm Agent-"

"What are you doing here?"

"We're here to talk to Sergeant Benson" Austin told him.

"Harlan Lewis and his daughter put her through a bunch of hell today and you think she's in the condition right now to-"

"Look, we don't want to make life difficult but we have a job to do too; we just wanna get this done!" Phillips said, full of ego. He was the taller of the two. Muscled and too tanned, even in winter with blonde hair and shockingly white teeth.

"And you can, just-" When he realized that he was near yelling, he paused, took a breath and took his voice down in light of the fact that they were in a hospital. "...not right now okay? She's been through enough" He said in a lighter, but still angry tone. "...I'm asking you, please don't do this now; can you wait, even a day?"

"I'm sorry, but we have orders." Agent Austin said sorrowfully. He was the shorter of the two men, stocky with a bald head, his forty five years not at all betrayed by his smooth, dark brown skin. "The bureau wants to close the chapter on Harlan Lewis and we can't do that without Sergeant Benson's testimony."

"120/85..." The nurse, Charlene told Olivia as she removed the cuff from her arm. "We are concerned about that fever, but don't worry, we'll keep watch."

"But it's low; I mean, I won't need anything, will I?" Although she didn't tell her about the pain in her abdomen, figuring it was just a normal postpartum effect.

"You're already taking Tylenol for pain so we'll wait and see. I'll check you every 20 minutes or so."

"Okay, thanks." She said. Just as Charlene was leaving, Elliot came in with the two men who Olivia didn't recognize and she immediately tensed up, thankful that she was holding Serena.

"El, who are they?" She asked as she looked at the men in their suits.

"Olivia, they need to take your statement about…"

"Hello, Sergeant Benson. I'm Agent Stanley Phillips, this is Agent Clark Austin, FBI." The tall, blonde man said as he flashed his credentials then approached Olivia's bed and offered his hand. Olivia looked at him, looked at his outstretched hand and instead she greeted him verbally.

"Um, do you need to do this now?"

"I understand that this is difficult" Austin said.

"You don't actually…" The fact was, take away what had happened with Bronwyn and Harlan and she was already very sensitive. Having delivered a tiny human just hours ago put her at a 10 on the emotional scale, but factor in almost dying and almost losing her baby, plus what happened with dad and daughter; it was simply too much for her to revisit right now.

"Sergeant, I assure you, the last thing we want to do is upset you-" Austin said

"...but you have a job to do. I know." She took a moment to put Serena in the bassinet before she turned back to face them.

"Liv, you don't have to do this right now!" Elliot saw that she was near tears and wished to god that Austin and Phillips would leave.

"El it's fine" she said as she wiped her eyes. "I can do it."

After checking in at the precinct and filling out some paperwork, Fin got home and took off his coat before he jumped into a long, hot shower and scrubbed the last 24 hours away before going to Amanda's. Later, coming out of his room, clean and in fresh clothes, he made a cup of coffee and started eating a bagel in the kitchen before he took the mug, leaving the other half of his bagel behind and got comfortable on his couch.

On his coffee table, he picked up a book that he'd taken from the crime scene out in the Hamptons.. He'd known that he shouldn't have but when he weighed the options, he couldn't let Darrell go down looking like a crooked cop. Amanda had just lost him, was mourning his loss heavily and he needed to know. He had seen the book open on Bronwyn's desk and saw Darrell's name in an entry. Knowing that he didn't have time to stand there and read he speedily shut it and put it in his coat to peruse later. Now here he sat, the book open once more and he prayed that it would tell him something that didn't make Darrell look bad.

"Let's say hypothetically you had someone blackmailing you and you had no leverage to get out of it…" Darrell said as Fin sat looking at him. "Not for me!"

"Uh huh! Well let me ask you a question... hypothetically what would this person be blackmailing you with? Hypothetically!"

"I can't say really, being that it's just a hypothetical you dig?"

"Yeah, I dig." Fin said. He didn't trust this cat as far as he could throw him but he played Darrell's supposition game and answered him anyway. "If it were me, I'd tell this person to hell with them!"

"But what if that didn't work? Let's say this person was threatening someone you loved? ...hypothetically."

"Darrell, imma ask you, is it somethin I need to know?"

"No. Like I said; it's just a hypothetical!"

One thing was clear, it was obvious now that Bronwyn was the person blackmailing him, now the only question was with what? Fin thought as he delved into the book.

"...I don't know, Bronwyn was there...I don't remember much, just seeing her and then I must've passed out She'd uh, she'd given me a, a something in a needle that knocked me out…"

"Was this before you woke up in the room?" Phillips asked.

"Before, I...no, when the men first took me; I saw Bronwyn in the van. I was screaming for help and one of them covered my mouth while another injected me."

"Whereabouts?"

"My um, my neck... Right here." She pointed to the spot that was still somewhat swollen on the side of her neck.

"And you know this is the site where you were injected because...?" Phillips continued. Olivia looked at him, realizing suddenly that she did not like this man but she choked back the tears that she thankfully hadn't cried yet and she answered him.

"I knew that the feds were assholes, but you… I was, I was lying on my left side when they pulled me into the van and the man with the syringe almost put his knee against my stomach to hold me down."

"How do you know that it was a man?"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Her tears were starting to flow out of anger and she looked over at Elliot to calm herself.

"No, I'm n-" Phillips started, a smug look on his face. Elliot sat, getting madder by the second and trying hard not to grab Phillips and beat him senseless by reminding himself that Serena was in the room. Austin could tell she was on edge, and knew that she would go over if Phillips didn't stop pushing her.

"Sergeant Benson..." He called to her, speaking softly and talking over Phillips. "The sooner we can get through this, the sooner we can be done with it. That's all we want; please… I can get rid of Phillips"

"You can't…" Phillips started to protest but Austin put his hand up to silence him.

"...it can be just you and me. Please, Sergeant." He begged. "Let us close this!"

She sat thinking for a moment, wiping her tears and looked over at Serena who was still sleeping and then at Austin. Something about his eyes told her that she could trust him;. maybe after this was over she could have some peace, finally. "El, would you wait outside with Phillips?" She said, surprising Elliot.

"Liv, I can…"

"It's okay, I just need to get this over with." Elliot didn't like it, but he understood and he kissed her on the lips, quick but with purpose.

"I'll be right outside the door!" She nodded "You wanna end this, you say the word!" He said before he pushed Phillips out the door. When they were gone, Austin walked over to the bassinet and looked down at the sleeping baby.

"She's beautiful." He said with a smile as he turned to Olivia.

"Thank you; she's been my one source of calm in all this madness.

"Even in spite of who fathered her?" He asked, meaning no malice and Olivia could see that.

"She's innocent, in spite of what Harlan…"

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean…" He apologized earnestly.

"It's okay. Can we get this over with?"

"You piece of shit!" Elliot yelled at Phillips the moment they were in the hall and away from Olivia's door.

"I was just doing my job." Phillips had an I don't give a fuck attitude and it showed in his every action.

"Your job? It's your job to harass an already on edge rape victim? Do you even know half of what that prick has done to her?"

"I can't say I really care!" He said with a dismissive air about him. Elliot grabbed him up by the collar and slammed him into the nearest wall.

"You smug sonofabitch! Give me one reason why I shouldn't put your head through a wall!"

"You wanna take me on?"

"Not in this hospital!" The security guard said as he hurried over. Elliot stood firm, looking as if he could destroy Phillips as he stood pinning him to the wall for several seconds before he let him go.

"Anytime, Stabler!" Phillips taunted as Elliot walked away needing to let off some steam. He went into the bathroom and punched a hole through the wall with his fist, hitting it twice more and making the hole bigger before he turned around with his back against the wall, running his bruised hand down his face.

"Hey." Fin greeted Nick as he walked into Fin's apartment.

"You said it was important" Nick said as he put his coat on the couch.

"Don't ask me how."

"How what?"

"Didn't I just say don't ask? I know now why I didn't trust Collins."

"Why?"

"Maybe you should have a drink, you won't believe this shit!"

"You sure that you're okay?" Elliot asked Olivia as she sat, nursing the baby. She had been so quiet since Austin and Phillips left, Austin having gotten a chance to finish getting her statement in spite of her having some setbacks. Especially when it came time for her to talk about seeing Harlan again, but he understood and gave her the time she needed to collect herself in order to continue. All in all, it took her just over an hour to give the statement and when they finally finished, she was even more withdrawn than she had been. Losing herself in the baby, caring only about her needs.

"I'm fine. I actually, um, I need some things from home." She said, just needing to be alone for a while.

"Sure...yeah, I could get anything you need tomorrow." He said, afraid to leave her but she was insistent.

"I need my things in my bag that I packed for the hospital; I'd feel much better if I had them. Could you please? I know it's a long drive"

"It's okay. I could actually use a fresh change of clothes." He said, having gotten blood on the ones he wore. He had been running around in scrubs since then. "The bag…

"Get off me!" she cried, landing blows where she could while he had her by the neck and freed himself from his pants. When she spotted the butter knife on the floor by the bed, she scrambled to grab it, scurrying back as best she could but with Harlan's weight on her, coupled with the pain of the contractions, it took everything in her to be able to move.

"It only hurts if you fight it baby!" The next thing she knew, while she was struggling to get the knife, she felt it. He had forced himself inside her and for a moment she simply froze while he began thrusting inside of her, knocking her backward with the strength of his movements. "Good god yer pussy is so damn good!"

She lay there for a moment as tears rolled down her face, Harlan going on, berating her. She blocked it all out, disappearing for a moment, but then she was suddenly brought back, remembering why she was fighting and while Harlan was grunting on top of her moving viciously, she reached a final time for the knife and this time she grabbed it and jammed it into his neck as she screamed...

"Olivia...Liv?" Elliot called, she immediately snapped out of her reverie and looked up at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah...I just…" She started but then she noticed that Serena was finished feeding from her breast and she took a minute to switch sides. "Just the bag is fine." She told him as she watched her daughter.

"What do you wanna do? You say report this and I'm there, you wanna let it go, I'm there too!" Nick said. He could believe it yet here there it was, all spelled out in the book.

"Honestly, I don't know. Do I hate this guy for what he agreed to do? Absolutely, but do I understand? Yes, and that's what gets me in the end, he did it to protect Amanda from that lunatic bitch! Went about it in the wrong way by agreeing to what she wanted, but he tried to protect her and in the end, I gotta wonder if maybe I judged him too fast!"

Over at Darrell's, Amanda sat on the tub in the master bathroom while his mother was in the kitchen making her something to eat although she didn't feel like eating; she had been sick to her stomach since saturday morning. And though she didn't want to be rude and while she understood that Darrell's mother loved him too and for way longer than she, losing him, she felt was her pain and she didn't want to, couldn't share that pain with anyone.

She nervously looked toward the counter space that housed the sinks and she started to cry again. "D, I can't do this without you!" Who am I kidding, I can't this period! Maybe you're not, maybe you're just late because you're stressed. "But what if I am? This could be the last piece of you that I have left!" She cried softly. "I know we talked about doing this one day but baby, I'm so scared. You're not here…"

She was interrupted when there was suddenly a knock at the door.

"Amanda Jean, honey your meal is ready. Darrell's mom called from the other side of the door.

"I'll be out in a minute!" She listened to make sure that Eugenia was gone before she resumed talking to Darrell. "I guess I should look now, huh?" She said and walked nervously over to the sinks to pick up the pregnancy test that was sitting on the counter space. When she had it in her hand she turned it over and her eyes bugged at the result.

"We're gonna have a baby!" She cried as she wrapped her arms around her middle.

First time alone with the baby and for the last five minutes, all she'd done was wail, her arms flailing as she cried at the top of her lungs and Olivia feeling like she wanted to rip her own ponytail out.

"Shhhh." Olivia tried unsuccessfully to quiet the child as she turned and reached for her again, flinching at her discomfort as she did. "Please don't cry." She begged, on edge and wanting to cry herself. She didn't know what to do as far as the baby screaming and truly felt lost.

Checking the baby's diaper, she saw that she didn't need changing but Serena still cried and so Olivia began to bounce her lightly; still doing no good; she pulled herself out of bed and began walking the room in spite of the pain she was in.

When she put the baby against her chest and walked the room, it did nothing and Serena continued to cry. "I don't know, Serena please stop crying!" She was feeling so overwhelmed right now! She never should have sent Elliot to the house, she thought. She didn't tell the doctor or Elliot that she had a lot of pain in her abdomen; more so than just normal postpartum discomfort and she couldn't handle Serena screaming when she felt like she wanted to pass out.

Olivia immediately put the baby in the crook of her arms again and tried to quiet her with a pacifier. "It's alright baby" she spoke softly, trying to keep her own anxiety in check but tears were fastly escaping her eyes. She'd just fed the baby so she couldn't be hungry she thought, but also thinking she might still be hungry, she sat down in the chair and tried to put her to her breast but got more crying.

Deciding at this point that she couldn't handle this, she just sat there in the chair, breast out, with Serena in her arms and cried right along with her. "Please stop crying!" She cried, whispering through her own tears.

"I thought maybe you could use some help." The nurse, Mecca smiled.

"She won't stop crying and I don't know what to do, I don't…" Olivia sobbed.

"It's okay, all new moms get a little frazzled. May I?" Mecca asked before she took the baby, putting the wailing child to her shoulder "When did she last feed?"

"Twenty minutes"

"I think I know what's wrong." She said and firmly yet gently patted Serena's back. Within seconds Serena let out a large burp before she settled comfortably into Mecca, crying stopped and Olivia looked on, amazed. "There you go little one, all better?" She said in the sweetest voice as she rubbed Serena's back. Olivia started to cry harder.

"Sometimes breastfed babies can take in a little air, you just wanna give them a little pat when they finish feeding, that's all... Come on, it'll be alright." Mecca told her as she handed a now sleeping Serena back to Olivia. Serena immediately snuggled against her mother's bare breast and continued to sleep.

"It won't...I don't know what I'm doing; she was screaming because she had to burp! She was probably in pain and I'm sitting here like an idiot! Is this even okay?" She asked in tears and holding Serena close, referring to her sleeping position.

"It's absolutely okay and don't beat yourself up, it'll all fall into place, I promise!" Mecca smiled as she squeezed her shoulder. "Don't be scared to call if you need anything, I'm on till 8 tonight, my name's Mecca."

"Olivia."

"Nice to meet you, Olivia. o you need me to stay a little while?"

"No, but thank you."

"Just remember, I'm here if you need me." She said before she left, leaving Olivia alone with Serena and still in tears.

"Brian, I'm sorry...I can't put myself through this right now and I'm asking you to understand...I need time."

"I'm sorry too, but if that kid's mine I got a right to know!"

"Wait, what are you…?"

"Tomorrow I'm asking a judge to order a paternity test!"

"You wouldn't do that"

"Liv I'm sorry, but you don't give me any other choice"

"Brian don't okay, you don't have to do this!"

"Then just give me the test, it's not a hard thing!"

"Why are you making such an issue out of this? You of all people should understand"

"It's just- I've been doing a lot of thinking about this and…"

"And what? You're acting like you wanna take her away from me..." When he suddenly got quiet and walked away, she looked at him in shock, her arms protectively tightening around the baby, the realization suddenly hitting her.

"I...maybe just until you get your head in a better-"

"Oh god!" Her tears immediately began to drop.

"It's just tempor-"

"Get out." She said in a very small voice, still holding her belly.

"Liv"

"You are NEVER taking my baby, do you understand? She is mine, now get out!" This time her voice was big and unmistakably very angry through her tears.

"I just-"

"GET OUT!" She screamed and threw the water pitcher at him.

Thinking about that moment as she watched Serena sleeping and her tears continued though she repeatedly wiped them away, she wanted so badly to call Brian's mother and to tell her to come and take Serena; to take this child before she did something to her that she couldn't undo. Maybe Brian was right, maybe she did need a break until she got her head in a better place, especially now. Before all this, everything that happened in the last 48 hours; even in the last 24 hours. She'd been raped and beaten; again, by the man who'd brutalized her for three months. A man who she thought she killed… She thought she killed him; thought that her nightmare was over! All that he'd done to her, all that he'd so happily let all the others do to her and the bastard had the audacity to live and further torment her?

Maybe getting her head together was exactly what she needed. Her mind was just swimming with so much, why did she have to let her love for Serena cloud her heart? In spite of everything, Brian was right, if this was his baby she needed to be with him, or his mother now that he was incapacitated but the point was, she needed to be away from Olivia and that was exactly her train of thought until the other thought crept in the corner of her mind- but what if she's Harlan's? Serena sleepily looked up at her and she smiled. Although Olivia knew it wasn't really, it had to be gas but it was a smile and she lay there, blinking her beautiful eyes before she snuggled further against Olivia and returned to sleep.

It was such a small thing but to Olivia it was huge and it was all she needed to make up her mind as she sat back, and let her baby sleep.

At the hospital in Manhattan, the nurse was finishing up with Brian's sponge bath when his mother walked in, in a noticeably good mood.

"Mrs. Cassidy."

"Jessica, hello dear!"

"You seem happy." She said as she began to rub in moisturizer on Brian's leg.

"I'm beyond happy!" She pushed up her sleeves and lathered up, going to Brian's other leg. "I got good news today!"

"It's good that you have something else besides this to focus on. I'm happy for you."

"Oh thank you!" She was literally beaming, seeming to burst with happiness. "Why don't you go on, I can do this."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, go. Take a much needed break, I'll handle this."

"Thanks Mrs. Cassidy and congrats on the news!" She said as she left, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, Joanie began lotioning Brian's arms having finished with his leg.

"Oh sweetie, I have the most wonderful thing to tell you!" Brian just lay there, unresponsive with no indication that he could even hear her but to Joanie, he was merely resting and was taking in everything she said. "Your baby was born this morning; a little girl that I know is just perfect, well, your half of her genes is." She grinned "But the important thing is she's ours! She's ours and I promise you, I'll get her for you, and when you wake up; we'll be a family!"

"Tell me what's going on, Liv." Elliot said.

"I don't really want to talk about it." Olivia said. She was still processing what happened and didn't want a reminder. Instead she focused on the baby in her arms who was busy nursing again; looking at Serena as she grabbed onto her fingertip while she ate.

"I'm sorry babe!" Elliot said as he kissed the top of her head.

"Do you think I'm a bad mother?"

"I think you're a new mother."

"?"

"It means" He said as he sat on the bed "that you're gonna have moments where you mess up Liv but it's no reason to freak out. You're learning, babe, you're gonna make mistakes. You can't be so hard on yourself."

"I thought about calling Brian's mom to come get her...I got so crazy; she was crying and I didn't know how to soothe her and then I started to cry…" She got teary just thinking about it but quickly wiped them away.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." She noticed that Serena was finished eating and she fixed her gown. "Would you burp her? I'm gonna go to the bathroom." She said as she handed Serena off to him and struggled to get up, suddenly reminded of the pain in her abdomen.

"Hey, hold on" Elliot said. She appeared to be in pain and he wanted to help ease it if he could, immediately rushing to stand to help her up.

"I can get up on my own." She said but accepted his help just as she'd taken help from Fin and Nick earlier. As much as she hated to admit it (even if only to herself) she was in so much pain from the birth and moving, in any capacity just agitated it and made it worse but she had to get up and go to the bathroom to change this damn pad as it was feeling full again.

"I know..." Elliot kidded "...amuse me!" He said as he helped her up. Olivia stood halfway before she got dizzy, nearly fainting and Elliot quickly caught her, as she never quite left his arms and he sat her back down. "Liv...?" He was obviously worried though he tried not to show it.

"I'm a little dizzy" She said in a faint voice with her head down, taking deep breaths. "...but I'm okay."

"No, you're not!" Elliot said as he kneeled in front of her. "Honey, look at me…"

"I just got lightheaded for a second, I'm fine. How about you go and put Serena down?" She asked, trying to change the subject and fighting to keep her sudden nausea down, her hand going to her belly.

"Don't worry about Serena, I got her. Right now I need to make sure that you're okay." Just as soon as he said that, Olivia grabbed the pail that was sitting on the table by the bed and threw up. Elliot didn't hesitate, pressing the call button to get a nurse."

"Liv, you're burning up!" He said feeling Olivia's head.

"El, I'm…"

"Fine. Yeah, how about we let the nurse be the judge?"

"I will but right now, I really have to go." She said and stood moving towards the bathroom.

"Liv, I think you should just sit and wait for the-" but he didn't get a chance to finish. She had taken a couple steps when she went down, fainting dead away and hitting the floor. Elliot quickly put the baby down and ran to her. "Liv!" He cried and noticed blood seeping from her in a large puddle as the nurse came in. "We need a doctor!"

Damnit Liv. More to come...