Chapter 60 and I can't believe it! I thought at one time I'd go maybe 10 chapters with story and now 50 chapters later, here we are and I'm still writing. But anyway, Dick Wolf owns, I just borrow.

.

1 week later… Friday

Friday afternoon and Brian's funeral had come early that morning and in spite of Olivia wanting to go, Joanie had made it quite clear that she didn't want her anywhere near the Church or burial site and so she didn't go. Instead, she stayed home and mourned with her daughter.

It was a bit later that Elliot decided to check on her and went to the bedroom door. "Liv…" He said as he came into the room. She was in the window seat, blankly staring out at the leftover snow.

"I'm fine El." She looked anything but, and just seemed listless.

"You don't look it!" He said as he sat down beside her. "I know you said that you wanted to be left alone…"

"And I do"

"Liv, it's been a couple of hours; I just need to make sure you're okay."

"I told you, I'm fine." She said though her voice told a different story with how quietly she spoke then went to staring back out the window. Elliot wanted to push for details, he knew if he could get her to talk, she'd feel better but he decided against it for now and took the hint, standing to leave after kissing her head. "it isn't fair." She said, almost so silently that anyone else would have missed it but Elliot turned back around and came to her.

"No, it's not. But Liv, you gotta believe that somehow, he's in a better place, a place where he knows and understands. He wouldn't want you beating yourself up."

"How could she do this? How could she not tell me? Not that I really thought she would but Serena; I at least thought she'd take her into consideration!"

They both got quiet, neither of them knowing what to say until Elliot thought of something to cheer her up.

"You know, A Place In The Sun is on at 7, what do you say I order some takeout, we could curl up on the couch with Serena and watch it."

"El, I don't…"

"Come on, it's your favorite movie, I know you love Monty Clift." He smiled.

"I don't love him." She said, one playing at her lips as well.

"2002, and I quote: "Why can't then be now and he be alive and looking like that today? I'd marry him!"

"Okay, first of all, the fact that you remember that…"

"Of course I remember that, I remember everything about you." He said and she grew quiet and suddenly her eyes met his, smiling.

"That's why I love you." She said, quietly and he smiled.

"I love you too Liv, and I just want you to be happy, you deserve it more than anyone. Let Joanie be however she's gonna be, she can't hurt you. You have this beautiful baby, and you have me and I told you before and I meant it, I'm not going anywhere!" She threw herself into his arms and rested there.

"Let's not get married!" She said.

"What?"

"I wanna do it but I wanna do it when it's right. I don't wanna do it because of Joanie's threats. I love you and when we do get married, when you propose; I want it to be when we're ready. Is that okay?"

"It's fine, but you're gonna have a harder time with the old woman."

"If you're by my side, I can do it!" She said and kissed him then snuggled against his chest as he held her.

"I'm by your side, always!"

Saturday

Saturday night and Nick sat at home, bored out of his mind! With nothing to do, he found himself home, playing chess against himself. After chess, he called Zara and they talked for a while, then he called to check on Olivia. Seeing that she was okay, he called to check Amanda and then he called Fin. He and Fin shot the breeze for a while but then Fin had company coming and he had to go, so Nick sat around the house until he couldn't take it and then he started to clean. He got started in his bathroom and when that was spotless, he got started in his bedroom and after cleaning for about fifteen minutes, he was vacuuming under the bed when something caught in the vacuum. Curious to see what it was, he immediately turned the vacuum off and got down to see; it was a gold bangle bracelet!

...

"I'm coming!" Carolyn shouted as she made her way through her cavernous high-rise apartment, tying her bathrobe. She had just finished soaking in an hour-long bath when the doorbell rang and now she hurried to get it.

"Nicolas!" She said, surprised when she opened the door.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you." He said leaning against the door frame.

"No, I was just getting out of the tu-" she laughed nervously "so...what are you doing here? I thought we…"

"We did- well you did."

"Nick-" He held up the bracelet and smiled. "I found your bracelet and I just wanted to return it so…" He gave her the piece of jewelry and she took it, holding it close to her heart.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome… Well, I'm gonna go, you take care of yourself."

"You too." She stood and watched as he began walking off towards the elevators but she called to him before he was out of sight. "Nick?"

"Yeah?" He asked, turning around to her.

"I was gonna have a glass of wine before bed, you wanna join me? ...for the wine; not the be- I mean-"

"He dipped his head, laughing silently. "Yeah; I'd like that!" He said as he came inside, walking past her and she smiled before she closed the door.

...

"Nick… Oh my god!" She cried as he was on top of her with her legs on his shoulders and fucking her for dear life!

"You wanna cum, don't you?" He laughed, they had been at it for over an hour and whether her was eating her or fucking her senseless, he'd always pull back just when she was starting to cum and right now, this was the fifth position he had her in and she was going crazy! She needed to cum so bad but Nick purposely held her back.

"Yesss, make me cum…oh god, make me cum!"

"You need it?"

"I need it it so bad, oh god please! My pussy is on fire baby please; PLEASE!" She begged. She could feel it, it was building in her stomach again and just when he felt her twitching, he knew that she was almost there.

"Ohhh baby!" He yelled

"Don't stop!" She cried with her back arching. *Oh my god don't stop! Don't stop...don't stop...don't-" Before she could get it out.

"Ohhhhhhhh, yeahhhhh!" He came hard into the condom, on purpose and fought everything in him to not laugh as he rolled off her, onto his back and lay there. "Woooo! That was hot! Yes!" He yelled. "Oh yes indeed, thank you! Woooo!"

"I didn't cum!" She said, mad.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I said I didn't cum!"

"Ohhh!"

""Ohhh!"?" She said, getting angrier. "What the hell Nick?"

"Calm down, I'm sure there's a way I can't get you where you- oh look at the time!" He said, looking at his watch. " Gee, I'm really sorry babe, but I gotta go!" He said, getting out of the bed and scavenging for his clothes.

"You are not serious!"

"Afraid so, but it was really, really good!" He kissed her cheek as he was busy dressing. "Thanks!"

"Oh my god, you are serious!"

"Look, I'm sorry okay? I don't perform too well when my feelings have been hurt!"

"Nick-"

"Really Carolyn, "too good a lover"? That's the reason you dump me because I'm too good a lover?"

"It's complicated"

"It's bullshit!"

"It's not bullshit!"

"It's bullshit that you can't find any other reason to dump me, I mean I thought we were feelin one another but hey, you wanna be alone so bad, fine, be alone! Let's see who you find that's not only good to you and treats you with respect but can make your toes curl and your eyes roll up while he's giving you multiple orgasms! Goodnight!"

Sunday

He's been debating on whether he should call her, or go see her but he's been afraid. The last conversation he had with Elliot, it was angry; well, at least on Elliot's part but Barba couldn't help feeling guilty after Elliot had left because he knew that all in all, he was right. It didn't take anything more than for Rafael to read the letter he'd given to Olivia to see that he shouldn't have given it to her to begin with. That's all it would have taken to not put her in a frame of mind where she'd doubt herself even more than she already did; enough for her to want to give her baby away but never knowing that Olivia never once had an ounce of blame towards him; she never even thought about it.

"You can't hide out forever, Barba!" He said to himself as he sipped his espresso, clad in his silk robe. He was sitting at the dining room table that was lavishly done up with a cornucopia of delicious breakfast foods to which he had an appetite for none as he perused through his work files.

"What did we say about bringing work to the table?" Bart said playfully, entering the dining room with a platter of bagels and lox and kissing Rafael.

"I'm sorry my love..." He said before pushing the files away and removing his glasses, pinching his nose between his fingers. "This case is driving me crazy!"

"You're stressed… We could always take that trip; maybe not to Tromsø, but…" He said, sitting the platter down. "I could take some time off work..."

"God, that sounds like exactly what we need!" Rafael smiled and took Bart gently by the waist, the two of them looking so lovingly at one another before Bart slid a hand up Rafael's cheek as Rafael put his head against Bart's chest.

"So that's a yes?" Bart said, smiling.

"That's a definite yes!"

"Good." He looked down at Rafael as he looked up, the two of them engaging in the sweetest and sexiest of kisses, Bart seductively slipping that same hand down the top of Rafael's robe and caressed his strong chest. "Now how about you stop lying about the case being the cause of your stress and go to her."

"Bart…"

"Don't 'Bart' me! She'll understand Raf. I don't like seeing you so torn up; you need to see her."

"Sounds like an order…" Raf said playfully.

"I mean it!" Bart said and kissed him again. "Ve a ella!" He said before he sat down and poured himself some coffee.

At the house, Olivia sat in the nursery in the rocking chair, feeding the baby while her mind went places that she knew it shouldn't but she couldn't help it. She couldn't believe that Joanie had just let Brian go without a word to anyone; without a word to her, at least for the benefit of the little girl that they now knew was his so that she could have at least been with him.

She looked down at her daughter as she heard the doorbell and she wiped away the tears that hadn't really stopped since last Saturday when Fin and Nick came over and told her the news. She couldn't believe it. She had been so completely wrecked it took Fin, Nick and Elliot to calm her down enough to listen to them and even then, it took everything in her to not go down there, to not go and give her a piece of her mind! Joanie had robbed her daughter, robbed her of a chance to say goodbye, to apologize for so much, and now she'll never have the chance to tell him how sorry she is.

"I'm sorry…" She said to her baby; it seemed like she had been saying those words to her so many times in the two weeks since she was born. Serena was looking at her, her eyes trained on Olivia as she fed and telling her mother not to beat herself up but it was hard to hear when Olivia's heart was such a mess.

"You okay?" Elliot said as he stepped in the room looking uneasy.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking a bit too much but I'm fine. What's going on?"

He thought about how he could tell her and chose the words carefully. "Liv…you have a visitor."

"A visitor? Who?" She wondered. When he answered, she wished that he hadn't.

"...Joanie's here." He said almost like he was apologizing but it was as if Olivia didn't hear him and she instead went on with the task of feeding Serena.

"That selfish bitch!" Olivia thought to herself but then immediately felt bad. The woman had lost her son, just as Serena, although she didn't know it, had lost her father though that didn't stop Olivia from hating her!

"Liv, did you hear me?"

"She can wait" She said in a barely-there voice. "I'll be out when Serena's finished.

...

It was almost twenty minutes later before Olivia came out of the nursery and downstairs, kissing Serena and telling her that she'd return before she left.

"Momma's gonna go talk to your grandmother for a little while, can you be a good girl while I'm gone?" She said while Serena looked up at her, she was falling asleep but silently telling her mom to be strong. Looking at her daughter made Olivia smile even when there wasn't much to be smiling about. She thought about Brian and she hoped that wherever he was right now, he knew that she didn't come because she couldn't and that she didn't bring his daughter for the same reason.

Serena gave a big yawn before she looked at Olivia one last time and through heavy lids, she closed her eyes for the last time and drifted off to sleep there in her mother's arms. Olivia continued to rock her for another minute or so before she reached over to put her down in the crib, adjusting the baby's blanket and turning on the monitor before she left the pretty pink room and shut the door.

...

In the living room, Elliot was sitting in the comfy chair that was across from Joanie, who was seated on the couch, quietly and not being very friendly.

"I knew Brian only briefly" Elliot said, trying to spark conversation with the woman. "...we worked together at one point, he was a...great guy!" Okay, maybe he overdid it but it's not like he was lying- totally. Brian was a great guy when he knew him back then. Maybe a little…hard around the edges now, but back then, great guy.

"Yes, he was." Joanie said haughtily, and it was all she said as she stared at Elliot, making him uncomfortable in his own house. He understood that the woman was grieving her son but this wasn't the way one behaved. Especially when one was visiting another on another's turf. Why the hell was she here in the first place? He certainly couldn't just show up to Kathy's while their visitation issue was with the court. He suddenly wished that Olivia would get here because he just might choke this woman if he had to spend another minute with her.

"You sure I can't get you something? Coffee, tea…" The soul of a virgin?

"No."

"Okay." He said, running a hand down his face, scratching his chin before rubbing both hands down his thighs then stood up and walked a few feet away. God he wanted to grab this woman and throw her out! He was beyond happy when suddenly Olivia appeared in the doorway. She hadn't dressed, still in her pajamas and untied robe with a sloppy ponytail; Elliot went to her before she fully entered the living room.

"You don't have to do this, she's not very amicable today." He whispered to Olivia.

"She's not very amicable ever." Olivia said as Joanie stood up and looked over at them, trying to decipher what they were whispering about.

"You need me to stay?"

"I can handle it." She said "but, would you mind-" she was going to ask if he'd look after Serena but he was already ahead of her.

"I got it." He said and kissed her, heading back upstairs to the nursery. She took a deep breath before she went into the living room to greet Joanie and praying that for Brian and Serena's sake she could maybe not turn this into an argument, in spite of the fact that she wanted to rip her to shreds!

"Joanie!"

"Olivia; I know you weren't expecting me but it's bad form to not at least put on a bra to greet me!" She said bitterly. Olivia looked down at her chest. She was more than adequately covered but decided not to go there, deciding that it was none of Joanie's business if she was too sore to wear a bra around the house.

"What do you want?" It came out a lot harsher than she had intended but she didn't care.

"Where's my granddaughter?"

"She's sleeping. Where's her father? Oh, thats right, you thought it would be best to unplug him without the benefit of telling me." Olivia said with tears filling her eyes but she'd be damned if she cried them. Joanie got a look on her face, not of hurt, but surprise; she wanted to be the one to throw it in Olivia's face, to see the look, knowing that Brian had been buried and she wasn't there! But suddenly Joanie was the one that had been denied!

"It was my choice, he was my son!"

"How could you?" She had to force herself to not yell, taken so completely off guard and shaking her head as the tears she was determined not to cry, pressed even more and she fought to breathe and control them as she approached the old woman.

"How could 'I'...? You killed him-"

"Harlan Lewis killed him, I was lying in a hospital for god's sake!" Olivia shouted angrily as she steadied her breathing. She didn't want this to go this way, but she was so tired of being blamed for everything that was wrong in this woman's life.

"You brought him into our lives! He was supposed to be dead but lo and behold, no!"

"You can't put this on me! And if you weren't so damn hateful, you'd see that this was nobody's fault but Harlan's!" But Joanie wasn't hearing anything that Olivia had to say and just looked through her, refocusing her attention on Olivia's still puffy stomach and suddenly remembered the baby.

"I came here to see my granddaughter, are you going to make me wait?!" She said.

"Are you insane? This is not some family reunion, Serena's father is dead and thanks to you, she'll never get to say goodbye! Tell me, was hating me really worth her losing that?"

"Serena?" Joanie said. "Is that her name?"

"I named her after my mother."

"Of course you did!"She criticized. "What about a middle name, or did you not give her one?"

Olivia looked at her and took another deep breath, pressing her hand to her stomach. She had to get her anger under control. "It's Cassidy."

"That's nice of you."

"I didn't do it for you."

"Tell me, why not Cassidy as a first name?"

And there it was, in less than five minutes, she managed to completely push Olivia to her breaking point. "I'm not doing this!" She said and started to walk away but turned around. "You are a mean, nasty woman! I tried and tried with you when Brian and I were together because he loved you and believe it or not, I loved him…"

"You never loved my son! You didn't 15 years ago and you didn't now! I saw through you Olivia! You used him, that's all he was to you! You used him fifteen years ago to fill a lonely night and you used him now for the same reasons only you got raped before he could get out-" Olivia just looked at her, serious shock registering on her face.

"Don't bother denying it…" But she didn't; she could barely think. "he told me everything, even how he resented you later on because of it, but he ended up staying another year; wasting his life on you!" and now this was the part where she wanted to break something. Brian had told her; he didn't even know for sure even though he'd had suspicions, but she had always denied it to everyone. So why did he…? No, she wouldn't give this woman the satisfaction of her tears even though they stung her eyes like onions and longed to get out but she would not allow them!

"I know that you're only saying these things to hurt me and it's okay; but the fact remains that even if he did resent me and of course, we'll never know that now, I loved Brian. Part of me still does and that won't change, especially now. But you- I've been ridiculed, and ostracized by you and for what? Because of an affair that didn't go right when he and I were just kids? And now because at the time he suggested it I was too traumatized to take a DNA test? Too afraid that it would come back saying that Brian was wrong and that that monster was my daughter's father? I was too scared to even hope that maybe she could be spared that fate, and instead of you, a woman understanding that and supporting me, trying to make Brian understand and have a little patience, you made it worse and you're making it worse! Brian is dead and you didn't let me or his baby say goodbye and now you come here, as if you're entitled and you just expect me to give you access to her? Well I'm sorry, but you can fly away on your broom, you and your custody suit because it'll be a cold day in hell before you take my baby, do you hear me? Now please, get out of my house!"

Unable to say anything else and feeling fully embarrassed, Joanie quietly turned to leave as Olivia watched her from where she stood.

"And might I suggest, if you ever even hope for some kind of relationship with your granddaughter when this is over, I'd get to fixing this now because once we go to court, that's it! You don't get another chance!" She said before Joanie left and she went to lock the door. She was standing slumped against it and in tears. She couldn't believe that Brian had told his mother that William had raped her. It was the truth but he didn't know at the time and he certainly didn't have the right to tell anyone, let alone her!

"She must be g- oh no, why are you crying?" Elliot said as he came to her.

"It's nothing!" She said deciding that it was, in fact, nothing. Brian wasn't here anymore, as hard as it was to believe only a week after his death. But he was gone and instead of being angry over what he may have said to his mother and what he may have felt; she would focus on the fact that upstairs, there was a perfect and amazing little girl that he'd given her, and for that, she'd forever be thankful. "I just can't understand why that woman is so evil!" She said as he took her in his arms and held her.

"She'll come around, you just gotta believe that!" He said softly into her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"I don't know how many times I can keep believing it. Especially now that Brian's not here. I want us to get along, all of us for Serena's sake. We're family now like it or not but how can we do that if all Joanie sees is anger?" She said while praying in her heart that after delivering that speech to Joanie, right really was on her side.

Outside, Joanie stood out on the stoop of the house looking at the front door. It was snowing again and that just made her think of Brian and how Winter always was his favorite season. He'd often said that there was so much beauty when it snowed. At one time she would have agreed with him but all she could see right now was the loneliness, pain and heartache. Look at all that had happened. She found out that Brian had need injured, and then he died in winter, leaving her alone. And if that wasn't enough, she had this woman to deal with until the judge made a decision in her favor.

Who knows? Maybe Joanie could've shown more support in light of what happened to Olivia but support still didn't make her see this any differently, she was still going to court to get her grand baby; especially now that Brian was gone. Serena was the only thing she had left and she was hellbent on getting her.

"Serena…" She said in a mocking tone, thumbing her nose at the name. "We'll be changing that when I take custody!"

"...once we go to court, that's it! You don't get another chance!"

"And neither do you, Olivia!" She said before she walked down the steps and to her car.

An hour later…

"Liv, are you sure you and Serena will be alright until I get back? I could cancel." Elliot said.

"Are you kidding me, you've worked way too hard and waited too long for unsupervised visits with Eli! Serena and I will be fine, besides, you're just going to Jersey to bring him back."

"Do you know how amazing you are?"

"I can guess. Go, you're gonna catch traffic." She said and kissed him.

"If you need me-"

"Elliot, I'm fine, go!"

"Okay." He bent down to Serena and whispered softly. "I'll be back before you miss me, princess." and he kissed her then look up to her mom, as he got up. "Are you su-"

"If you ask me if I sure, 1 more time-" He smiled and caressed her face before he leaned in and kissed her slow.

"I'm going." He said and left, just as he opened the front door, Barba was about to knock and he and Elliot stood there in the doorway for a moment, staring and silent when finally after a moment, Barba decided it was silly and spoke.

"Hey."

"Hey." Silence again. This time it was Elliot who spoke up. "So listen; I meant to call you-"

"It's- I should've been-"

"So, we're okay then?"

"We're okay." Rafael said, relieved.

"Olivia's inside, but I gotta go." Rafael nodded and made his way inside, shutting the door and removing his coat.

"Liv?" He called, going around to the stairs and looking up. "Olivia?" She came from the kitchen, holding the baby and he just about melted.

"Raf, this is a surprise!" She said and hugged him before sitting down on the sofa.

"This is a surprise! When the hell did you have her?"

"Two weeks ago tomorrow."

"And nobody told me?"

"They probably thought you knew. Rafael, this is Serena."

"I don't know about babies but this one is beautiful, Liv!" She smiled.

"You wanna hold her?"

"Oh um, maybe next time." Olivia laughed.

So, what brings you by?"

"I actually; I came to apologize." That took her by surprise and she had to ask him why.

"Apologize for what?" She said as Serena started to fuss and she put her on her shoulder to quiet her.

"For what? The letter."

"Come on, I don't blame you for that." She said, still trying to soothe Serena.

"You don't?"

"No, I don't. Is that why you stayed away? You thought I did?"

"I...I just thought that...yeah."

"Trust me, I've had bigger things to worry about. Shhh, it's alright." She said to Serena in a gentle voice as she put her back in the cradle of her arm and tried to give her the pacifier which she took and quieted, closing her eyes.

"I heard about Harlan."

"Then you probably heard that I was almost jailed for killing that bastard!"

"Language!"

"She's asleep." She smiled. "Are you in a rush?"

"Nope."

"Good, you can keep me company."

Okay, so this is obviously not ending here, I think I'm going to stop estimating chapters and just finish when I finish. More to come.