Chapter 61, and it's the second anniversary of me writing this story, so happy story birthday to me and all of you who have been with me from the beginning! To everyone else, trust when I say that you are no less appreciated and I thank you all!

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The following Tuesday…

"As you can see, the baby has a beautiful room here!" Joanie said to the social worker who was writing everything down.

"And, will she sleep here every night?" Mrs. Johnson asked her.

"Yes, of course; well, until she gets used to it you know which I imagine will be fairly quick with her being so young and all."

"I see."

...

"...she sleeps here during the day." Olivia said to Mrs. Johnson and tickled the baby's tummy as she finished changing her diaper and fixed her sleeper.

"The day? What about at night?" She asked, writing in her trusty notebook that made Olivia nervous.

"Well she doesn't sleep through the night yet" Olivia said as she picked Serena up from the changing table and they left the nursery as she cradled her to her chest. They walked a few feet down the upstairs hall to her and Elliot's bedroom. "She has a cradle by our beside."

"Our?"

"My; it's weird to say 'boyfriend' um, life partner I guess. If we had known you were coming he could have been here to meet you - not that we would have prepared."

"I can see that!" She said, referring to Olivia's near shabby appearance in an oversized tee shirt and leggings with her hair sitting atop her head in a messy bun.

"You can.. Anyway, I'm nursing and, it makes it easier when she's up 3 times night to get fed."

...

"Tell me Mrs. Cassidy, will you be the one tending to the child's needs on a daily basis?"

"Yes, I'm retired and I'll be meeting all the baby's needs, unlike her mother who I'm sure would probably have a Nanny or such nonsense to look after her."

"Oh?"

"Oh yes! She's one of those modern career types, always chasing the job. You know, in my day, we didn't do such things. I was a nurse but only after my son started school and even then I was always home to cook dinner, these women nowadays, they just leave their men and kids to rot!"

...

"I guess for the time being, Elliot and I will…" Olivia told her when asked about 'who will be caring for Serena?' as they walked back to the living room from the stairs. Mrs. Johnson seemed shocked that as soon as they sat down, when Olivia lifted her tee shirt and started to feed Serena. "I can't really say what I'm going to be doing a year from now because honestly, I just don't know."

"You sound like you're having a tough go of it."

"Yeah, it's been rough; actually, it's been really traumatic. But one day at a time." Are you sure I can't get you something?" She said nervously.

"That's quite alright."

...

"I hope you got everything you needed." Joanie said as Mrs. Johnson was leaving her home.

"I did and I want to thank you again Mrs. Cassidy."

"Please, call me Joanie."

Mrs. Johnson smiled. "Joanie. Well I thank you for allowing me to talk you and have a look at your home."

"Of course. If you don't mind, what happens next?" Joanie asked.

"Well, I'll go and file my reports and give my recommendation to the court. That should help in deciding. I have to go, but you take care now."

"You too dear!" She said and shut the door, the look on her face gloating with victory.

When Nick came by a couple hours later, Olivia wasn't in the best of moods, feeling like she messed up and as she and Nick sat in the nursery, she lying across the couch while he was in the rocking chair, playing with the baby, she told him so.

"What if this was it, my only chance and I ruined it?"

"You didn't ruin it."

"Nick, I told her that I'm in therapy!"

"Come on, Liv, lots of people are in therapy."

"Not for my issues! And then she got this funny look when I brought up Elliot, I swear, you should have seen her."

"Okay, you're putting way too much into this. She's a social worker; Her job is to check out the home, to make sure that Serena is in a clean, productive and loving environment. That's all that matters. Isn't that right?" Serena smiled at him and he melted.

"I should just pack up and leave!"

"Now you sound crazy. Listen to me, everything's gonna work out fine. You remember in the hospital, I gave you this to put on mija?" He said, referring to the thin gold bracelet that was on Serena's arm beaded with black and red.

"And I don't know why I listened to you; I don't believe in good luck charms."

"Then why'd you you let me put it on? I'll wait…"

"Because...I don't know!"

"Because it works. You trust me, nothing bad will come to this little princess and that includes her grandmother." He said and kissed the baby. "I gotta go, but you stop worrying!"

"Kill Joanie and I will."

"Don't tempt me!" He grinned and kissed Serena again. "Te amo cariño. Ser bueno para mamá!" He said, making Serena smile again before he lay the baby down beside Olivia. "It'll be okay!" He said and left. Olivia looked at Serena and inhaled her scent.

"I love you, baby girl!" Olivia said and Serena turned her head to look at her mother. "And if I messed up with the social worker, and lose you because of it, I don't know what I'm going to do."

Wednesday night, after a long two days work, Nick finally came through the door at around 10, dead tired and just wanting to crawl into bed. However, he managed to get as far as his bedroom door when suddenly his phone rang. He looked at the screen, quickly deciding if it wasn't work or Zara calling, he would let voicemail get it but when he saw that it was Carolyn, he quickly picked up.

"Carolyn, I didn't expect to hear from you." He said, taking off his shirt. "How's it goin?"

"It's going good actually!" She said. Three days damn you! Three whole days and I can't cum! "So how are you?"

"I'm doin. Sleepy as hell but…"

"Oh. Well I was driving down from Yonkers to see a client" She lied. "And I was wondering if I could maybe…"

But Nick knew what she was up to and he had to weigh between getting his hard on taken care of and flat out refusing her. He knew it was bad, but he chose to get his situation taken care of. Besides, he had a plan after all. If he got her to that point enough times, she'd come around and it was with that in mind that he told her:

"Well I was about to go to bed but I guess you could stop by." He said and she smiled bigger than she meant to but when she thought about him, between her legs, she couldn't contain herself.

"I'll be there in five minutes!" She said and hung up and Nick, as soon as she did, he laid back on the bed and as soon as his head hit the mattress, he was in a dead sleep and when Carolyn finally arrived, he slept right through it!

She was thoroughly pissed! Horny and on edge, she called his phone but it was on vibrate and he couldn't hear it.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" she yelled and after the third call, she left him a message. "Amaro, you son of a… Fuck you, when you get this message; fuck you and… Just fuck you!" She yelled and hung up, starting her car and driving off in a huff, getting home to her apartment and masturbating until she was sore but with no relief!

The following Monday…

"Just remember, there's nothing that you need to be ashamed of." Carolyn said. "answer whatever questions opposing counsel asks…"

"Okay."

"And try not to worry."

"Easy for you to say, he's gonna try to bring up Harlan; those months I spent in Pennsylvania-"

"And you'll answer what's within the scope of the hearing. You can do this Olivia!"

"I'm scared to death! What if the judge takes Joanie seriously? What if he thinks I'm just a crazy person and my daughter's not safe with me?"

"Olivia…"

"What if I lose custody…" She said as she looked over at Serena who began whining from her carriage.

"That's not going to happen!"

But Olivia wasn't listening and she had tears in her eyes as she rocked the carriage to quiet Serena, then unbuttoned her jacket and undid her blouse and bra. "All this time I've let everyone convince me to be so confident… She's nursing for god's sake; how is she even gonna take to drinking formula? What if she's allergic?"

"I'm sure Mrs. Cassidy will handle it." When Carolyn said that, Olivia gave her a look like she wanted to murder her, all while Serena continue to whine and Olivia picked her up. Carolyn rerouted what she was saying. "Listen to me, I promise you that I will do everything you that I can but I need for you to stay strong and remember, you're doing this for her!"

"It's okay baby girl...here you go…" She said to Serena in a totally calming voice as she got her latched on and she again looked down at her and caressed her face while she ate, then took her little hand, letting Serena hold the tip of her finger before she turned to Carolyn. "Please, make this happen; whatever you have to do, just win this."

Carolyn looked at the scene before her, at the worried mother and suddenly, in spite of knowing how good she was, she felt nervous for the first time in a long time. "Are you good to do this while you're…doing that?"

"Nursing?"

"Well, yeah, I mean…"

"Carolyn, I'm feeding her, she's not eating my brain." Olivia said laughing. It felt good to laugh, especially the last few days where between having really vivid dreams about Harlan, she's had to deal with, in spite of telling her that she wouldn't win, worrying about Joanie. Hell, since she started back with therapy, Dr. Lindstrom had seen her five times in the last two weeks alone!

"Right. Okay, so we go into this with…"

"You ready?" Fin said as he came up into Darrell's huge apartment and followed her into the kitchen.

"Almost. God, this morning sickness is a bitch!" Amanda said, not exactly feeling her best. "And these damn vitamins don't help!" She further griped as she swallowed the pill and forced herself to drink some of the glass of water.

"Why don't you stay home? Liv will understand, she just went through this herself."

"Because she needs our support. I'll be alright." And she took another sip of water and forced it down then stood there to make sure that it, along with the pill didn't come back up. "So Darrell's mom wants me to move to DC to be closer to her."

"DC? I hope you let her down easily!" But when Amanda didn't say anything… "Amanda; you did tell her no? I mean…"

"I told her I needed to give it some thought and I do. I just; I've been thinkin about the fact that I'm gonna need help; a lot of it."

"You'll have help"

"Really? Fin, I love you guys but come on. If I stay here, I'll need a nanny, which I can't afford-"

"So we'll help!"

"No, I'm not asking for handouts"

"You wouldn't be. And think about it, what about-"

"My job?" She looked away for a moment and then back at Fin. "I'm sort of wonderin if bein a cop is what I wanna do anymore."

"Not you too!"

"Fin, I have this baby comin, and it's daddy was already killed in the line of duty; I'm what he or she has left and I can't take the risk that one day I'll be next!" She said with tears in her voice just as her phone rang. "Excuse me a second; Hello? Yes, this is she…" She said as she went into the living room.

"Hey, where's Liv? We're gonna be starting soon." Elliot asked as he and Nick met up with Carolyn in the hallway of the courthouse.

"She's in the break room feeding the baby, I thought I'd give her some time alone with her." She looked at Nick and he looked at her. "Hello Mr. Amaro." She said.

"Ms. Jeris." He greeted with a plastered-on smile. They hadn't spoken since that incident on Wednesday and she was still pissed.

Bastard! She thought. What were the equivalent of blue balls for a woman? Because whatever it was, that's what he'd left her with that night. And not only that, but she couldn't get off and God, she tried! "Elliot, you okay?"

"I'm good, I'm just a little-" He stopped his sentence and stood up when Joanie arrived with her lawyer. "Mrs. Cassidy." He greeted, trying to be cordial.

"She's here isn't she?" Joanie said.

"Hello to you too!" He practically said under his breath.

"I thought for sure she would have pulled an excuse and not shown!"

Elliot got a look of why do I bother? about him and took a breath. "She's feeding the baby."

"I hope not breast, that's a battle I don't need with my granddaughter once she's home!" She said, then looked Elliot and Carolyn up and down and walked away, into the courtroom.

"You think god would hold it against me if I choked her till her head popped?"

"So who was that on the phone?" Fin asked Amanda as they made their way into the courthouse.

"Darrell's lawyer. He wants me to come down to his office today."

"Did he say what about?"

"No, he just asked if I could be there at two." When she got a serious look on her face and then had to sit down…

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah I'm… No, I think I'm gonna be sick!" She said and ran for the bathroom.

Upstairs in the break room, Olivia had finished feeding the baby and after she had fallen asleep, Olivia still sat holding her and just sat for a while, looking at her.

With her finger, she traced the outline of Serena's face, tracing her hair that peeked out from her cap and then her eyebrows and gorgeous, fat cheeks before she leaned in and kissed them and though she was sleeping; Olivia talked to her, feeling that she needed to say some things.

"Everybody's right on one thing; you are such a beautiful girl!" She said as she caressed her cheeks. "But I want you to grow up and be more than just a beautiful girl. I know that you can hear me even though maybe you don't understand but I want you to grow up and do the things that'll make you happy and that'll help people in the process; just don't become a cop okay?" She said with a giggle. "I know that you can't promise me but… Baby girl, if somehow we don't…" She felt her tears falling and she wiped them and smiled. "If the judge sends you to live with- with your grandmother, I probably won't get to see you unless he orders visitation. Stay a good girl for me and remember that I love you, no matter what your grandmother says! You are the whole world to me and I didn't want to give you up and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise; your momma loves you so much!" She said, kissing her daughter through tears as Elliot knocked on the door and came in.

"Liv, we should get to the courtroom, the judge will be in soon." But Olivia sat there, tears streaming her face as she looked at her daughter.

"I don't wanna go; I can't…" She said, unable to catch her breath. "El, if I lose her!"

"Listen to me, this is not goodbye for you, okay?"

"You don't know that! Elliot I can't go in that courtroom, I can't; everything always goes wrong for me and I- I can't- I can't let them take her from me!"

"Liv, breathe! Come on; listen to me okay?"

"No, I am done listening!" She said as she got up. "I should never have come here!" As she tried to walk out, Elliot grabbed her, being careful of the baby and held her in his arms.

"You are not gonna lose her! Do you hear me? You are not!"

"And I ask again, what if you're wrong? What if this all just goes to hell? He can't take my baby from me, El, I won't make it without her!"

"Remember, don't let her lawyer rattle you, they're only questions." Carolyn said as they were seated in the courtroom. Olivia looked over at Joanie who had her eyes on the baby seat that was closed to shield a sleeping Serena from the lights of the courtroom. When Joanie realized that she couldn't see the baby, she angrily turned around to her lawyer.

"Crush that bitch!" She whispered angrily, then turned to look at Olivia. And though she felt anything but, Olivia put on a stoic face.

"I should've ran!" Was what she told herself as she waited for Joanie to look away before she turned around to see everyone that came to support her; in addition to Elliot, Fin, Nick and Amanda. Even Cragen and Munch were there.

"All rise!" The bailiff spoke just as Olivia was about to address everyone. The entirety of the courtroom immediately stood up, Olivia squeezing Carolyn's hand as the judge entered. "Manhattan family court is now in session, Judge Preston A. Moore, residing."

"You may be seated." Judge Moore said to the courtroom. Suddenly, Olivia wished she were anywhere but here!

More to come.