Chapter 72

…

Five o'clock the next morning, and Olivia's mind was still replaying the day before as she lay in bed. Elliot had gotten home just after nine last night and she pretended to be asleep, not wanting to talk. Now, however, she was wide awake, having just fed baby Fin. Fin went right back to sleep after eating, but she lay in bed, listening to the sound of Elliot breathing until she couldn't take it anymore, and got up to take a shower.

"...how much of this is really about what happened to you?"

All of it.

Honesty, that's what she should have said to Rafael. She should have been honest with herself and him, but she couldn't. Not when he could see so clearly through her. She thought about those words, and she knew from the moment they'd left his mouth that he was right and so did he despite her protests. She felt somehow responsible for the life those girls had been living as if they were connected through the horrors they had lived through. Especially because it had been their "father" who was found with the recordings. She knew all too well what it was like to live through the horrors those children had suffered at that man's hands, only to them, they weren't horrors. They had been conditioned practically since birth, so to them, they were just ordinary days. And now that they were free from it, they didn't understand that being out of that situation was where the real horrors began.

Why hadn't Elliot told her that he was working on this case? Why hadn't he told her about the kids?

She was just so angry inside! She'd talked to those beautiful little girls; they should be excited about so many things in their lives instead of having to go through this, and she wept for them.

A bit later, she was downstairs cleaning when she heard footsteps on the staircase. She turned her head and saw that it was Elliot.

"Honey, you shouldn't be exerting yours-"

"I'm fine… Where were you yesterday?" She asked as she turned her head from him, she still had a bit of a temper that she'd been fighting since yesterday to keep down.

"No good morning?" He grinned.

It was too early for this shit she thought. "Good morning." She said, then without missing a beat, "Where were you yesterday?"

Elliot stopped for a second. "Are you mad at me?" He said, putting his hands lightly on her shoulders.

"Mad at you, mad at Barba, and I bet if I gave it some thought, I'm sure I could find a reason to be mad at Fin and Nick too!"

"Mad and upset,"

She turned her head to look at him, coldly as she got out of his grasp and walked across the room.

Patience already wearing thin, Elliot tried a different approach.

"I know that you; that we didn't exactly part on a good note yesterday morning…"

"What was so important that it took you all day?"

"I know…I know, I just, some issues came up; Why didn't you call if you needed me?"

"Because, I didn't need you," she tried to keep the emotion out of her voice, tried to quell the tears that she felt coming but it was no use. "...but at the same time, it would have been nice if you'd remembered that you have a family here, and a wife that you took a vow to be honest with. Remember that? But instead, you go off and bide your time with that..." She couldn't even think of a word terrible enough to call Samuel Abernathy, and instead, she walked away.

"Liv-" He started, but she had already retreated down the stairs to the basement.

"Liv?" He said upon arriving in the basement where Olivia was at the washer, putting in a load of laundry. "Please don't be that way,"

"Don't be what way, Elliot?" She said as she shut the door to the washer. Frustrated, but knowing why she was in this mood, he walked over to her.

"Liv look at me,"

"Can we not do this right now?" She asked, still teary.

"You're obviously upset, and you have every right to be." He said, and she just looked through him. "...I'm sorry that I didn't tell you,"

"It's not just the fact that you didn't tell me, it's the fact that you thought that I couldn't handle it, and that's what makes me feel so fucking useless!"

"You are not useless. I wanted to tell you weeks ago but Barba told you before I could and by then I didn't know how...you were going through so much, and I just didn't want to add more to it."

"You've never kept secrets from me, El. How hard was it to say that you were looking into it?"

"You're right,"

"Am I? I just feel so out of place. Like everything from two years ago is just suffocating me all over again and I can't get out this time." She said through tears. "This last week or so, my mind has been overrun with thoughts of who this man was, and how he got hold of those recordings. It was bringing up memories that I thought were long behind me."

"And they are behind you, Liv. Baby, I think...I think that seeing Harlan's look-alike-"

"Elliot..."

"Olivia, why won't you face this?"

"Because there's nothing to face," but that was far from the truth. Seeing that man brought up a lot of memories and feelings. Memories and feelings she'd been trying hard for the last two years to lock away. She needed a subject change, fast. "What about Abernathy's daughters?"

"The...?" He said with a bit of shock. How did she even...

"I know about the kids; that ACS has them, and I know what he's been doing to them all these years. Were you even going to tell me?" She asked as she looked up at his face that was twitching uncomfortably. He ran his hand over the lower part of his chin while he let out a breath.

"I didn't think-"

"You can't be serious!" Just when she was ready to throw all of this aside, he hits her with more of what they were arguing about in the first place. Feeling over the bullshit and turning to walk away again, she started to leave but he grabbed her arm gently.

"Liv, alright, I feel terrible for those girls, I do, but they are in the best place for them right now,"

"They're not. I saw them yesterday, I got so mad with you that I had Barba pull some strings…"

"Ohhhh god, I'm gonna kill him!" He said low and smiling a sarcastic smile as he shook his head while simultaneously turning red as his veins popped out on his neck.

"Nobody is killing anybody. I wanted this and I'm glad I went. El, we can't leave them there-" she started when they heard Serena whispering to Fin over the monitor. She was awake, and they both knew that one of them should get upstairs before Serena tried picking her brother up.

"I'll go," Elliot was quick to volunteer. The last thing he wanted was to have this conversation, and Serena waking up was the perfect out.

"We aren't done talking about this…" she said as he hurried up the stairs.

…

Nick hated getting out of bed when it was raining, but going to work was always the antidote to that problem. He loved feeling as if he made a difference, although that seemed to take a back-seat to his mood as of lately. Carolyn still hadn't come home. And he wondered all night I'd she was okay but knew there was nothing he could do about it. He'd just have to wait.

When he heard the front door close, he rushed from the bedroom to the living room. He was almost in tears when he saw her standing there at the door. Without another thought, he rushed over to her and took her in his arms.

Her tears were quick as she began to apologize, but he didn't care about that as he stood there holding her, and wiping her tears.

"I just needed to get away…"

He kissed her head as tears slipped from his own eyes. "I should have realized and given you space."

"You were hurting too,"

"Nevermind me," He said, delivering another heartfelt kiss to her head. "...are you okay?"

"I will be," she cried softly into his chest as they walked, his arm around her, to the couch where they sat with her wrapped in his arms.

"I wanted so much to be able to give you another child..."

"I know you did baby," he said softly, "... but it wasn't our time,"

"What if it's never our time? What if this keeps happening, or what if it never does again?"

"Caro..." he solemnly kissed her tears "you heard what the doctor said; there's no reason we can't try again. And we will, as soon as you're ready..."

He drew her in for another hug, but suddenly he woke up to just him. He was lying in a bed that was empty on the other side.

"I just...I just need some time…"

He was trying so hard to understand, but for the life of him, he couldn't. It's like ever since he got that call on Sunday, that she was losing their baby, the whole world's been upside down.

Slowly, he pulled himself to a sitting position, his legs thrown over the side of the bed, ran his hands through his hair, and sighed.

"What else can I do, but wait?" He asked himself out loud as he reached for his phone and dialed. Fuck it! He thought. "Fin, I'm gonna take a couple of personal days…I'm alright, I just… Yeah. Thanks, man."

He ended the call and tossed the phone back down on the nightstand, and got up, getting a duffle bag from the closet.

"No querida. No lo arruinaste. It doesn't matter how I got here, all that matters is I am. And I want you to be my wife more than anything. I knew that from the second I met you, when I stole a look at you on that elevator," she laughed through her tears, remembering that day. "You're everything to me Caro, and I want you to marry-"

"Yes!" She said in tears. "Yes, I'll marry you!" She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight and kissing his face. "Put it on me?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" He opened the ring box to reveal a two-carat, cushion-cut diamond set in a diamond-encrusted platinum band. She gasped at the ring as he put it on her hand, being absolutely in love with it.

"No getting rid of us Amaro!"

"Wait…"us"?" His heart was beating fast and he was at a loss for words. "Are you…"

Teary-eyed, she nodded. "I just found out this morning. Are you happy?"

"Happy?" He was blown away and could barely speak much less comprehend.

He asked himself how they went from that to this in just a couple of weeks? God he loved Carolyn. And the last two years, everything that they'd been through, only made him realize how much. But this separation, though in her mind was needed, just made him and his wounded male ego feel like trash.

Yes, he knew that Fin was right and that this miscarriage had taken a lot out of her; especially with Olivia having just had a baby, and her older sister on, what was it, number seven? But he also knew that he had lost this baby too, and maybe it was selfish of him to think this way, but he couldn't just run away from his problems.

Well, he wasn't going to wait around for Carolyn to decide to come home. He'd be here for her when she decided to come around, but he was going to California to see his daughter; hell a couple of days away would do him good, he thought, and he went to his bathroom to start the shower.

…

8:24 AM, at Amanda's apartment, she walked the kitchen with her baby boy cuddled against her chest. He was in a state of being almost asleep and feeding lackluster as she was on the phone with the pediatrician.

"...it's 101.4,"

"Any other symptoms?"

"Uh, diarrhea started about an hour ago. At first, I thought it was teething, but he's never had diarrhea from teething,"

"You did the right thing. Can he keep food down…?"

"...refusing anything solid since last night, but he's been on the breast practically non-stop, it seems to comfort him,"

"Sounds to me like a stomach bug. I know it's scary but there isn't really much we can do at this point except let it run its course. The good news is, you're already on the right path, he's resting, and staying hydrated, but I want you to bring him in to see me if anything changes."

"I will. Thanks, Dr. Jackson." She said before she disconnected the call then looked down as she stroked Trey's head and kissed him. "Looks like you're gonna be okay, Bubba. We just gotta get you feeling better!" She allowed her fingers to run through his curls and she inhaled them as she held him close and rocked him. Then she thought about Eugenia, and she scowled.

The thought that she tried to take Amanda's children and that she lied about why they needed to come to DC… how could any mother do such a thing to another?

"I wonder if your daddy were here, would we be dealing with your grandma's shenanigans? Maybe this is all in my head...maybe I imagined it all and she didn't lie to me." She quickly unlatched him, jarring him and getting a whine but she quickly switched sides before he started to cry.

"It's okay, Bubba." She stroked his hair as he settled right back into her, closing his eyes and slowly sucking away. She was so thankful that Imani chose today to sleep in because she wasn't sure that she could deal with both her and Trey this morning.

"Maybe I'm going crazy, worrying about the move," she uttered, not really talking to anyone. "...if the call log hadn't been right there on my phone…"

She was jarred from her thoughts when facetime alerted her to a call coming through from Eugenia. At first, she thought about letting it go, but then…

"Eugenia, I was just thinking about you."

"Were you?" Eugenia said, trying to keep the look of displeasure off her face when she saw Darrell in Amanda's arms breastfeeding again. "Oh look, he's asleep." She said, hoping that Amanda would take the hint and unlatch him, but Amanda just sat back, stroking Trey's curls and kissing his head.

"So he is. I actually wanted to talk to you." Amanda told her.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, um, turns out, the children and I won't be coming to DC after all."

"You-" surely she had to be joking. Surely she HAD to be joking! Eugenia had put time, and effort into this. She had watched her only son become infatuated with, and marry this white devil all without a say from her. She even tried to make nice for her son's sake, and when the Lord called him home and she had to live with the fact that this woman would be...

"There's been a change of plans,"

"A change of plans? Do you mind telling me what those changes were?" How dare she?!

"Figure it out. I have to go; my son has a fever." and she clicked off the call.

"That pious little bitch!" Eugenia shouted to her empty home office as she got up from the desk, no longer interested in the email she had to respond to, and stormed out of the room. Just who the hell did she think she was?!

Ananda sat, a small smile creeping at her lips. She'd confront Eugenia when the kids weren't around, but for now, that little victory was heaven. She could just imagine Eugenia trying to figure out what the hell happened that changed her mind, but fuck it, Amanda thought. Let her sweat it out!

…

When this case had first come to light, Elliot had checked the recordings from the FBI evidence locker; surveillance tapes had been damaged from a year ago, specifically three weeks worth from January of last year. Elliot suspected that was when the theft had taken place, but without proof, it was just suspicion.

He had searched through the boxes that held Olivia's discs from her time at Harlan's and found that not only had the security tapes been messed with, but four of the discs were missing. And now after five days of nothing but dead ends, Elliot and Fin couldn't find anything leading to who might have given those recordings to Abernathy, or better yet, how Abernathy ended up dying in his cell when he was on suicide watch. No marks anywhere on his body, no signs of a struggle; it was all just too neatly packaged for Elliot's taste.

Olivia sat at the kitchen counter, the baby in her arms as she sipped a mug of orange tea. Things had been tense at home for the past week, she and Elliot at odds over Plum and Amiko and just where their care fit in. Olivia felt somehow responsible for them, while Elliot felt the opposite and it was slowly driving a wedge in between them.

He cut up Serena's pancake and turned to look at Olivia while he did it.

"What?" She said, uncomfortable with him staring like that.

"Thank you, daddy," Serena said before digging in.

"You're welcome princess…" he said before turning back to Olivia. "I'm sorry. You know that, don't you?"

"I know that you've said it every of the last five days…"

"Well, what else would you have me say?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? So you've accepted my apology?"

"Elliot, I know you did what you thought was best; even if what you thought was..." She looked at Serena and caught herself. "So I need for you to give me the same consideration when I tell you why we need to take those girls in,"

"Liv…"

"...still saying no without a discussion."

He felt bad. He didn't want her to think that he was overruling her, or trying to overlook her concerns for the girls. He understood her stance on this but him making her see that it was a bad idea….

"We have had a discussion…"

"...we almost argued"

"Liv, what do you want me to say? You want to take these girls; these horribly abused and mistreated girls and bring them into this house, around our kids..."

"It wouldn't be right away. What part of that haven't you been hearing?"

"Baby, do you hear yourself? Your heart is in the right place, but Liv, honey, we can't help them."

"And you think ACS can?" She said as her phone rang. When she looked and saw that it was Joanie, she decided to ignore it, swiping the decline button.

"Maybe you should talk to her,"

"She can wait. You're not getting out of this so easily."

Elliot stood there for a moment, cradling his son's head as he looked up at the woman who was everything to him and spoke softly.

"Liv, I love you. You know that I do, but you can hit me with a million reasons for this and I'd still be against it. We have children, one is two years old and impressionable, and the other can't talk."

"Don't you think I know this?"

"Then make me understand why you're even considering it. Those kids are gonna need so much therapy before they're can even begin to get a little better,"

"El just come with me, see them-"

"You're going back?"

"I have to,"

"No, you don't. And for your sanity, I wish you wouldn't,"

"El, they're great kids, and you'd know that if you would just see them,"

Serena, who had been listening quietly, could no longer keep her curiosity to herself and took this as her moment to interrupt.

"Who are you seeing, mommy?" She said, her toddler voice hopeful that she'd make a new friend; or see an old one! But, Elliot immediately looked at Olivia. This was exactly what he didn't want.

"Nobody, Princess. Eat your breakfast." He said, kissing her to the forehead before turning back to Olivia. "I understand that those girls need help. They need someone who'll love them and be there for them, but I am not putting our babies at risk to be that somebody." He said just as his phone rang.

"Stabler," He said as he left the kitchen.

…

Joanie, meanwhile, was over what she deemed Olivia's bullshit. She'd tried, God knows she had for the sake of her only grandchild, but Olivia was impossible! Her beautiful granddaughter deserved so much better than that unstable slut she had for a mother. She deserved someone dedicated to her and only her. She deserved her grandma.

Suddenly, she didn't feel guilty about what she'd put into place as she dialed a number and got an answer on the other end of the phone.

"It's me. I want you to move on to the next phase of our plan,"

"Phase two, are you sure? You said when you-"

"...yes, I know what I said but have changed. Now, are you still in?"

Joe took a minute to think about it. Joanie needed him, of that he was sure, and so felt confident in what he was about to ask of her. "Yeah… I'm gonna need an extra, say, five thousand!"

"Five-"

"...thousand,"

"We settled on ten!"

"Well, now it's fifteen. Come on, what's an extra five thousand dollars?"

It's five thousand dollars, you idiot! "Fine! But you'd-" She started but he'd already hung up. Damn him! Joanie thought. If he wasn't so uniquely qualified for the job she had set into motion, she'd fire the idiot. Luckily, with her husband's, plus Brian's life insurance…

"Grandma's coming, Serena!"

…

TBC