The text message. That tricky, flirtatious, guilt-tripping text message. That God so awful of a text message. Sara did not give any fucks about that pathetic text message. She decided she would show it to her wife. Oh yeah, her wife. How beautiful did it sound in her brain! Wife, wife, wifey. Cute, little, adorable wifey. She wanted to ravish her right there in the airport. She wanted to fuck her very well. She had stashed her suitcase with the variety of sex toys. First thing she was going to do was throw her down on the floor and fuck the shit out of her, after all that's what honeymoons were about…right?
Back to the message:
"Congratulations, pearly eyes.
I hope she gives you the happiness and love I was too much of a fool not to provide.
Best wishes,
Jack."
"Pearly eyes," Tegan scoffed, almost with a foreign accent. "Well, at least he knows he's a fool."
Sara smiled. My wife, everyone—if only she had a microphone to shout that in the airport. "What do you think?"
"What I think is that you…" Tegan cut herself off, taking Sara's phone from her hands. "…should give me that phone so I can put it away while we're on this vacation."
"Stacy would call to make sure we're safe."
"I'll let her know." Tegan put the smartphone in her backpack. "How did Jack even know you're getting married today?"
"Everyone knows, Tegan." Sara laughed. "I guess I have a motormouth around the university."
Tegan was not jealous. Well, a little bit, only because he called Sara Pearly Eyes, and that's probably something he had already called her, which meant it had something to do with an inside joke or something private and personal between them. The audacity he had to send her this message on her wedding day was what made Tegan fume in her seat. However, her wife seemed unbothered.
"Tee," Sara whispered as they waited for their flight.
"Yes, babe."
"I'm very horny." Sara giggled when Tegan's hand slapped her arm. "You look so hot in this outfit. I wanna rip it off."
"Calm down. We have a long flight to Venice." Tegan rolled her eyes, but, deep down, she was rejoicing the feeling of being wanted. "We'll probably reach dead tired and sleep."
"And I'll fuck you when we wake up."
"Honeymoons aren't only for fucking," Tegan remarked. "I want to explore."
"Imagine I had a dick. I'd impregnate you with ten babies. I'm so fucking horny."
Tegan tsked as she turned her face to her side just in case someone heard her wife's sexual fantasies.
When they were on the flight, after Sara had taken her nap; had consumed her meal; had watched a movie, she yawned and said, "I'm so wet."
Tegan almost gasped. Her eyes went wide. She was thinking of sleep, of getting rid of her clothes, of taking a cold shower, of resting—but Sara was still thinking of sex five hours later. The fact they still had four hours to go on the flight made Tegan upset, but hearing Sara utter that made her even more upset because her lover was a sex addict.
"Did you take some Viagra or something?" Tegan asked. "You're being inappropriate."
"No," Sara whispered. "I don't fucking know. It's like my body is excited you're my wife. I swear my clit is gonna jump out of…" Sara cut herself off when Tegan hushed her. She looked at the middle row; a man was looking at them. "How did he hear? I'm whispering."
"Because we're in a plane and it's very quiet."
Two hours later, after Tegan's failed attempt of sleep, she had managed to rest her head on Sara's upper chest and listen to her heartbeat. If she was Sara, she would feel very uncomfortable wearing that dress. By now both of them had taken their shoes off and curled up together in their seats.
"Sare?" Tegan asked. The professor hummed. She had her earphones in; she was watching an episode of Friends after Tegan had convinced her to give the sitcom a try. It seemed that she was enjoying it. "Are you still turned on?"
Sara smirked. She looked down at her lover's tired face and winked. "I am."
"I haven't touched myself at all," Tegan said randomly. "I mean, since we had sex like a few weeks ago."
"I did. Only twice in the shower when you were kinda down."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry."
"My breasts hurt. I want to take off my bra. I hate long flights," Tegan dismissed the topic.
Sara looked down at her breasts, so she looked down, too. They both should have changed before getting on the flight. They were too excited, they were super happy.
"You can go to the bathroom and take it off."
"Uh no," Tegan refused. "My shirt is kinda sheer."
"I think they hurt because of the hormones and stuff, not because of the bra."
"Well, yeah." Tegan yawned. "I just want to sleep."
"Two hours left. Try to bear them."
By the time they reached the hotel, Tegan could only see purple. She was exhausted, moody, and hungry. Thankfully it was nighttime. She wanted to sleep. She hoped Sara wasn't going to throw a sex party as soon as they went into their room. When they reached the room, she could not even look at how beautifully decorated it was because of her throbbing head. She fell on the mattress in her clothes.
"No, no, no," Sara said. "You have to pee, remember? You wanted to pee. You have to wash up before sleeping. Come on. Bathroom."
"Nooooo," Tegan whined while her wife helped her up and pushed her towards the bathroom. "My feet hurt, please."
Tegan sat on the toilet and yawned while Sara washed her face and hands.
"My head hurts," Tegan commented.
"My boobs hurt, my feet hurt, my head hurts, my vagina hurts—you're too whiny when you're sleepy."
"I didn't say my vagina hurts." Tegan glowered.
"But you usually use that excuse."
"Yeah, when you abuse it."
"How dare you." Sara faked a gasp. She wiggled her brows while looking at her lover. "It's so gonna hurt when we wake up."
"Shut up." Tegan yawned again as she fell on the mattress. She closed her eyes with her pants unbuttoned and half zipped, her suspenders lying beside her half buttoned shirt. Sara reached for her bra to unhook it, and when the younger woman mumbled something incoherent, Sara shushed her quietly with a kiss. Sara unhooked the tight material but left it on Tegan's body. Tegan had already gone to sleep, so Sara closed her eyes, too.
They woke up to Tegan's phone buzzing in the middle of the night. Sara jumped out of bed to search for it, when she couldn't find it, Tegan told her to search in the backpack she had placed by the door. It was Stacy. She had called more than twenty times.
"Talk about being annoying," Tegan said while Sara was assuring her friend that they were safe and fine. They were just asleep.
"It's like evening here."
"Well, it's 3:20 AM. in here." Sara yawned. She was still in her dress. She looked at Tegan who was barely awake.
"I was just worried, your phone's dead."
"Yeah." Sara yawned again. "I turned it off."
When Stacy finally hung up, Sara threw her head on the pillow with a loud sigh. Tegan intertwined their hands together to grab her attention. When two hazel eyes met, both women smiled in return. They began to kiss when Sara remembered what was the first thing she wanted to do with Tegan before sex.
"Let's slow dance," Sara whispered.
"Slow dance?"
"Yeah." The older woman sat up. "Our first dance. We didn't have that." Sara was pleading with her smile. "Remember when we slow danced two years ago?"
"How can I forget?" How could she forget? Those were the saddest and happiest moments of her life, not happier than now, but she was just happy Sara was still alive and in love with her, even though Sara was dying.
"Yeah, those were some bad days. That dance was sad. I want us to dance to a romantic song. I even picked it. I think you'll like it. I saw it in your playlist and I…I actually liked it."
"Alright." Tegan smiled and got up. She wasn't asleep anymore, thanks to Stacy. She might as well take advantage of each piece of serenity she was having with the love of her life.
Both of them looked tired and messy. Their clothes were wrinkled, their makeup was smeared on their faces, their hair was disheveled. They looked at each other as if each one of them had never looked better. When Sara played "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran, they kissed right away—though Tegan was laughing at the choice.
Sara helped her sway by putting both hands on her waist. Her palms grabbed the delicate flesh carefully and her eyes looked into the puffed up ones of the younger woman. "You know you're sexy like that?"
Tegan hummed as she laid her head on her lover's shoulder then closed her eyes. "Like what?"
"Your clothes almost off, your hair not in place, your eyes looking drunk, your face looking fresh, your body nice and voluptuous, your voice hoarse and raspy, your breath hot and heavy, your skin soft and silky, your heart beating loudly, your arms wrapped around me, your halo surrounding me. You're just sexy."
"Are you writing a poem, Dr. Clement?" Sara always made her feel special. She muted the song with her words; she changed the atmosphere with her presence.
"I'm just stating, Mrs. Clement."
Tegan squealed.
"What?" Sara pushed her a bit to look into her eyes.
"I forgot that's like my last name now."
"I like it."
"I love it." Tegan sighed in relief.
"You really do?" Sara asked.
"You have no idea." Tegan laughed and shook her head. "You know what I remembered?"
"Mhm?"
"You're not gonna believe it, but, umm, one day three years ago in ICC, when you came to class…um, I kind of mouthed "marry me" loudly. I don't know why. I think some guy heard it. You were wearing kind of a sheer shirt. Well, it was very sheer. Your bra was black and your breasts size was very visible.
Sara's laughter was loud and melodic. It made Tegan blush.
"Eric told me," Sara said, still laughing.
"Who's Eric?"
"The guy who sat next to you. He came up to me after class and told me I was turning girls on. You have no idea how happy and confident it made me feel. I chose that outfit on purpose. I remember I wanted to seduce you; I wanted to examine your gayness. I just knew there was something…like, you vibrated gayness, Tegan. I just wanted to make sure. When he told me that you said these words, I basically felt like I have marked my territory. I was like, that's it. I'm in." She paused for a second. "God, I was fucked up. It was such a terrible way to get to you. Sometimes I felt like a predator."
Tegan chortled. "Predator or not, it worked."
They kissed a little bit more till they both sat on the floor, searching for the snacks and food they stashed Tegan's backpack with from the duty free at the airport while they waited for their flight.
"What did you get?" Sara asked. She had made herself coffee while Tegan was looking at their large newlyweds' room. Tegan gasped at the sea view she had discovered as she opened the curtains and found the large French window that exposed Venice's beautiful scenery. Sara had once promised her to stay in such a nice hotel a couple of years ago, right before their doom. Sara's promise was now fulfilled, despite the circumstances they had gone through.
"Just some candy." Tegan emptied her bag. Sara's eyed widened.
"Are you five?" Chocolate bars, candy, gummy bears, jelly beans, Nutella, whipped cream, lollipops, and more sugary snacks were laid in front of Sara's eyes.
"Sometimes."
Sara sat on the floor where all the unhealthy snacks were. She opened the fridge and took a can of beer. Tegan took it from her hand, taking a quick sip. "Do you think they'll charge us extra for these?"
"I don't care." Sara yawned, smiling. "I'm so happy." She reached for the zipper of her dress. It was too tight and suffocating. "I need to get rid of these clothes."
"Yeah, me too," Tegan said as she spooned some Nutella.
Sara got herself rid of the short white dress. She removed her necklace next and sighed. "Wow." She chuckled as she looked down at her bra. "I need this off, too." Tegan shrugged, chewing on a candy bar, filling her stomach with a bountiful amount of sugar.
Sara sighed in relief as she threw the small padded piece on the floor. She cupped both of her breasts and kneaded, making Tegan giggle with a stuffed mouth. "Are you still horny?"
"I kinda am," Sara said. "I'm just, you know," she continued, "giving them a massage. I don't like to wear a bra for long hours."
"Tell me about it." Tegan took a sip of her beer as she looked at Sara's hand cupping her right breast. She reached for the left one and joined the soft rubs. "They feel so soft and good."
"Like every boob," Sara remarked.
"Nah, yours are extra special." Sara blushed, and Tegan could see the red blotches on each side of her cheeks. Before the younger woman could take the pink hard nipples in her mouth, she spooned some Nutella and guided it to her lover's breasts. Sara gasped. "Shhh, I'm trying to have some fun, just let me."
Sara was hesitant, but excited. She looked down at the brown hazelnut chocolate coating her nipples. Flashbacks took her to the time she had done something similar to Tegan. She smiled when Tegan's wet lips wrapped around her left nipple. "Shit," she mouthed, feeling the familiar sensation of arousal inside her entire body.
Tegan licked the chocolate off her wife's breasts while the older woman continued pushing herself closer to the younger one, slowly getting drowned by the euphoria and pain of arousal. When Tegan pulled away with a proud smirk, Sara moaned loudly, protesting the departure.
Tegan began to unbutton her shirt with a flushed face. Sara, on the other hand, had only her underwear on. She decided to remove the drenched fabric. "You've been wearing that since yesterday and you were wet all day, I bet you ruined it."
"Fuck, yes." Sara laughed, showing her lover the inside of her panties.
"Fuck. You're messy."
"You have no idea how happy I am about this mess. That's like me being Sara, the normal Sara."
Tegan was as nude as her wife now. "I told you it's a matter of time. Now you're relaxed, you can pool in your undies normally."
They made out for quite awhile. Heavy, breathy kisses and some groping made them feel light and fuzzy, made everything around them seem as if it was none-existent, an empty galaxy, a space of nothingness but them two. Their bodies collided together, and their hearts were beating in sync as their lips and tongues rivaled one another.
Tegan pulled away with a big smile. Sara's hand was in her hair. She reached behind her back and grabbed the whipped cream can, surprising Sara with a spray in her mouth. With laughter, Tegan kissed her wife again, tasting some of that heavy cream. Sara took the can from her and sprayed a heavier amount all over Tegan's chest. Quickly, she crooked her neck to lick the soft, white substance. When her lips found Tegan's hard nipple, she sucked and bit at the same time, till she felt more whipped cream being sprayed all over her back and hair. She shrieked loudly, and Tegan laughed.
Once again, Tegan surprised her, spraying all over her body. Sara was chortling while her lover was pushing her own body the closest it could get. Their legs were spread, opened for each other, their pussies were inches apart, but Sara was not very comfortable with this position. "Are you trying to scissor?" she asked.
"Please." Tegan was needy and desperate.
"We can't. It's annoying."
"I love it. I wanna try it again."
"You seriously can ignore all the sex toys in the suitcase, your tongue and fingers and choose this? It's disturbing."
Tegan pouted. "Give it a chance. I can come by that, I'm sure you can, too."
"You probably can because your clit isn't really hidden. It's like it's out there." Sara pointed at her lover's aroused parts.
"Fuck you." Tegan snorted. "Are you saying my clit is big? Your labia are the size of Antarctica."
Sara joined the laughter, looking down at her vulva. "Yours isn't very different, love. Plus, it's gonna be like that when you give birth."
"Nah, it's genetics. It has nothing to do with it."
"Yes it does," Sara said.
"Nope," Tegan insisted.
"Yes."
"No."
They did not mind going on and on with their meaningless discussion at this hour. Simply, their minds were free and untroubled; they were happy.
"See," Tegan whispered, "it feels too good when our pussies touch." Sara looked down at her wife's swaying body, trying to get that friction between them. They were coated in the stickiness of cream and chocolate.
"Get the hitachi," Sara ordered.
"The…"
"The toy we bought." She was impatient, too heated to wait. In a quick second she thought of touching herself, but she resisted only because Tegan was as impatient, therefore, she was quick enough to bring what Sara had asked from her.
They were still sitting on the floor, smudged with stickiness of food, when Sara plugged the toy in and turned it on. The buzzing noise of it made Tegan gulp in anticipation, her stomach started to cramp.
Sara gave her lips and parts of her face quick kisses before whispering, "It might be too rough on you, like, too hard." Tegan could only moan.
The vibration hit her nipples first and she jumped at the first instance. Her entire body started to tingle. Seeing the absolute nirvana on her face, Sara's core ached and watered more.
"Oh, God. Fuck, fuck, fuck," Tegan screamed when the toy came in contact with her swollen clit. She held onto Sara's arm while the older woman laughed softly. Tegan continued squirming till Sara's body was inches away from her, squeezing the toy between their legs. Sara could barely take the vibration of the toy, but she could clearly remember that it had been way worse when she was younger.
They jumped at each other with wet, sloppy kisses. Sara's favorite part was nibbling at her wife's bony shoulder. Something about it was relieving and healing.
Tegan came before her, and that's because she desperately needed some more attention. The fact that she lasted this long was rewarding to her. She was in a state of incomprehensible euphoria. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she fell on her back. Laughter filled her lungs when Tegan removed the toy and sprayed some more gooey sweets all over her cunt.
Tegan licked her pussy carefully at first, enjoying the sweet taste of the whipped cream and Nutella. When the taste started to get mingled with Sara's juices, Tegan quickened her tongue movement. She licked the red folds thoroughly then bit the engorged clit. Whenever she received a nice moan from her wife, she bit more.
"Please, Tee, please." Sara was writhing underneath her.
She looked up at her lover with a satisfied smile. She had not enjoyed sex with Sara since they were back together as much as she was enjoying it now. When she locked the small clit in her mouth again, her tongue began to perform quick circular movements in anticlockwise motion, driving Sara crazy.
Arched back; dizzy head; heart pounding beneath her chest; heavy breaths, Sara could not keep her eyes open and could not stop her whimpering. When the hot tongue of her wife entered her rose-wet cave, she felt like she wanted to jump. She wanted more, and more, and more. In that moment she knew she desired nothing more than to be filled. But the surprise was different and new; Tegan filled her from behind with one finger. She opened her eyes. Tegan was blushing with a bitten lower lip.
"Is this…okay?" Tegan was shaking and she could feel it in her insides. She was honestly dumbfounded that her lover went there. She thought this could never happen. She nodded quickly. She could only absorb the growing pleasure in her body at that moment and nothing else.
She could feel the convulsions of each hole growing the more Tegan's index pushed in and out, the unfamiliar feeling becoming more enjoyable by the second. Tegan grabbed the hitachi again and added more pressure and more pleasure that made Sara scream in pure ecstasy as her orgasm hit hard and long. Her eyes stayed shut as she felt the spasms around Tegan's finger. She loved this feeling.
When Tegan pulled out, Sara hugged her. They kissed for awhile. "You fucked my ass."
"It was there, I couldn't resist."
"It was amazing." Sara could cry. It was the best orgasm since she had slept with Tegan a couple of years ago before her sickness got the best of her.
"It felt amazing actually. I really felt your orgasm…like, there." Tegan giggled.
"Well, go wash your hands."
Tegan could barely get up, but she did anyway. When she came back, Sara was asleep on the floor, therefore, she lay beside her and soon enough she was fast asleep.
Sara woke up from a dream about some teddy bears jumping around in her new house. In her dream she was looking around, not knowing how to control the thousands growing doubles of brown teddy bears dressed in red and white shirts that say 'I Love You'. She woke up confused, but her bladder urged her to get up and hurry to the bathroom. Tegan was there on the toilet.
"Are you done? I can't take it," Sara said quickly.
Tegan looked up with sleepy eyes. She was too slow getting up. Before she could fully stand up, Sara pushed her aside and sat on the toilet. She sighed in relief as soon as she began emptying her bladder.
"What the fuck, Sara?"
"I was gonna pee right there."
"You're disgusting." Tegan jumped in the shower. "Like how can you sit on the toilet after I used it without flushing? Anything could have been there."
Sara laughed after flushing. "Oh, honey, I know exactly what could have been in there. Do I look like I care?"
"Shut up." Tegan pouted while her wife joined her under the streaming hot water.
"Aww, little Tee Tee does not want to admit she pees and poops like everybody else?"
"I'm gonna kill you." Tegan's face was red. Sara was enjoying it.
"I wanna fuck you." Tegan giggled. She was being spoiled, and, God, she loved every bit of it. She wrapped her arms around her lover as they started kissing. "I wanna fuck you very well." Sara nibbled on her ears as she dirty-talked to her. "Make you scream and bite and shiver." By now Tegan was moaning, not because Sara's hands were already roaming up and down her body, but because Sara's words were making her core crave any type of treatment.
Sara fingered her in the shower and she returned the favor. They finally took their shower after enjoying their orgasms. While getting dressed, Tegan informed her girlfriend that she had started ovulating. Sara rejoiced. Tonight they were finally going to try it. But first, they had to discover Italy.
They were in love with the history, the art and architecture of the beautiful city they were in. They couldn't speak the language which felt hard at first, especially when they wanted to take a boat to discover Venice's spectacular details. They had pasta in one of the restaurants a guy who spoke their language told them to try. They drank some wine in another restaurant. They laughed and kissed each other as they walked around the city. They almost had sex in the dark on their way back to the hotel. They were on a small boat in the serene evening. Faint music was coming from somewhere they could not recognize. Their hearts were beating quickly. They were coveting the touch of one another, the strange feeling each of them got when she was touched in her most sensitive parts—they were in love, they were in love.
Tegan was extremely nervous back in the hotel room. Sara had to calm her down with soft music, candles and champagne. Sara was wearing silky cream-colored lingerie while moving around the room preparing the tools they needed. Tegan was naked, lying down on the mattress. Sara kissed her lips quickly before walking away when room service knocked on the door to deliver the extra pillow Sara required. Sara put on her robe before opening the door.
"Babe, lift your hips up, please." Tegan was shaking when Sara put a pillow beneath her. The professor kissed her again before sitting up. She took a sip of her champagne as she put the syringe next to the small cup that contained the sperm. She put the cup close to one of the candles to heat up the sperm. Tegan was awfully quiet. "Relax." Tegan nodded.
She stood up again and walked to the suitcase. Tegan eyed her lean body as it bent down to pick up one of the sex toys they had brought. Her wife looked delicious in her g-string and lace bra, but she was too nervous to get turned on. Sara returned with her vibrator, which calmed her down more. She wanted her wife to look at her and touch her hand throughout the entire process. The soft music was calming her down but she still needed her lover close to her in order to rest.
Sara took another sip of her champagne once she was back between Tegan's legs. She smiled softly as her hands caressed the soft skin of the younger woman. These soothing touches were making Tegan feel better; therefore, she closed her eyes and enjoyed every little touch. The kisses Sara planted on her skin began to sway her into the tranquility she had been searching for. The more Sara kissed, the better Tegan felt; and, slowly, she started to feel the wetness between her legs seeping out of her hole.
Eyes still closed, Tegan reached a hand to touch her lover's breast. She put the left cup of the bra down and kneaded the soft breast. Sara looked down at Tegan's hand on her breast. She moaned when Tegan's finger touched her hard nipple.
Sara kissed her stomach as she rubbed her wet folds, giving extra attention to her engorged button. Her tongue twirled the hard nipples and bit on each meaty part of her stomach to plant red marks that made her scream. Tegan was enjoying the process, forgetting her anxiousness.
Then Sara used the vibrator on her clit first and Tegan almost jumped. Sara giggled through a passionate kiss they were sharing. Sara pushed the vibrator inside quickly and easily. "Looks like your cunt's ready," she whispered. Tegan almost jumped again, but Sara steadied her movement with each push. Sara's other hand was rubbing Tegan's heated arm up and down.
Tegan reached her orgasm when Sara was kissing her. When they pulled away, Tegan was smiling. She held onto her lover's arm to keep her nerves and excitement balanced. Sara emptied the sperm in the syringe and took a deep breath. Tegan closed her eyes and waited. Sara held her hand and rubbed her knuckles as she pushed the syringe inside. Tegan could feel every bit of it, she could feel the warm sperm going in, she could feel the syringe close to her cervix. She opened her eyes when Sara kissed her.
"I'll keep it in for about ten minutes and I want you to keep your legs raised." Tegan nodded.
Tegan kept her legs up, leaning on the headboard for about half an hour while her lover used her notebook to draw her in that purifying posture. They were happy, both of them.
The next day they both woke up early and were in a great mood. They decided not to have breakfast in the hotel and discover the places the guy at the reception recommended instead. They tasted their best waffles in some small coffeehouse right in the same street their hotel was in. Tegan moaned at the flavor. At lunch they tried the best seafood risotto and fettuccine they had ever tasted. They went shopping in the old streets of Venice while trying some delicious gelato both of them shared because they were full. They went to a museum after they bought their friends some presents, and at night they kissed under the moonlight while enjoying some terrific red wine.
Back in the hotel, Sara asked to be touched.
"I want the new dildo. I really do."
Tegan hesitated as she looked at the pink toy and black harness in Sara's hands. "Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm positive." Sara's smile was genuine.
Sara took off her clothes and Tegan's hers. Both stayed in their undergarments. Tegan laughed at Sara's alluring lace, violet lingerie. "I like your choice of underwear. It's attractive." Sara blushed. She placed her palm right on top one of the scars on her abdomen. Tegan noticed she had been developing a defensive mechanism and it was covering one of her scars whenever she felt shy or anxious. Tegan wondered if Sara was aware of it. Most certainly she wasn't.
Tegan didn't comment on it. Slowly, she kissed her wife till the first moans of the night became audible. "What do you want?" Tegan asked.
"You know what I want." Sara was bashful. Her chest was red, her face was pink, her arms were full of goosebumps, but, most importantly, her thong was moist. Tegan could see the wet patch on her lover's crotch. Tegan didn't voice it either, but Sara's hormone replacement therapy was working well. It's the new pills. Actually, according to Sara, those were her old pills, back when they dated a couple of years ago. Tegan asked why she didn't take them again after her surgeries until now. Sara said she didn't think they would work because she had been told she needed something stronger. That stronger medicine only messed up her entire body, Sara said.
While getting her lover rid of her bra, she thought about her own situation. She could be pregnant. That seemed weird to think about, but she really could be. She and Sara hadn't talked about it at all. She wanted to know, she really wanted to. Sara told her they should wait till she missed a period, if she missed any. It seemed that her lover was not confident enough that she could be carrying, but that's only because Sara wanted it to so much and was anxious about it, Tegan thought.
She slid down the purple thong and Sara opened her slender legs for Tegan. Tegan laughed amusingly. "Sare," Tegan muttered.
"Yes, I'm sure," Sara said again.
"No, it's…" Tegan looked down. She would rather look at Sara's cunt than her face while confessing her lack of experience in topping a woman this way. "I haven't done that to anyone before…I mean, only to you, once…remember? And it was bad, very bad."
"Oh." Sara sat up. "You're kidding."
"No," Tegan whispered. "And I don't even remember."
"I'm shocked." Sara chuckled. "What about the girls? Emy? Did they all…"
"No," Tegan said loudly. She looked into her wife's glassy eyes. "We didn't do it that way is all. I did top some of them."
"You're really a pillow queen."
"No," Tegan whined. "I want to do it to you like that right now."
"I want it. You have no idea how much I want it. I've been craving it, I tell you." Sara laughed softly. "Daydreaming about it."
"Yeah, you're like…very wet."
"Girl, I'm drenched." Without any hesitance, Sara's fingers were quickly in her slit. She closed her eyes as she dragged her digits between the moist folds. "Take a look. It's like I'm eighteen again, I swear." And that's how Tegan felt, too. She felt too shy. Why was that? Why?
Sara gave her a helping hand to get into the harness and get in the missionary position. Few giggles escaped their nervous minds before they kissed for what felt like days unending. Sara's body was sweet, her skin was soft, her voice was mellow. Tegan pushed in just a little and looked at the older woman for any sign of discomfort. Sara looked fresh, happy, and relieved.
"Tell me when to stop," Tegan whispered in her lover's ears before kissing the red flesh. She felt the resistance, she felt the tightness. Yes, she was quite different; Tegan felt it all. She looked at Sara's closed eyes when she pushed all the way in. She kissed her parted lips quickly. Sara's eyes opened. "Okay?" Sara nodded with a smile.
"You can start." Sara's hands were on her back, legs wrapped around her hips as she began to push in and out in a slow rhythm. Tegan's mouth did not stop kissing the face beneath her. Sara was swaying in the nirvana she was receiving; those were the happiest moments of her life. She felt emotional, she felt natural.
Though there was discomfort, the pleasure started building in after a couple of minutes when Tegan began rolling her hips. Sara gasped when she felt the sensation she had been longing for since a long time ago. Sara beamed when the younger woman looked at her. They made out while their bodies smacked together, giving them sounds of euphoria, sounds of sex, sounds of love-making.
Then Sara was loud once her wife quickened her pace and took her erect nipple between wet lips. Sara arched her back and screamed. That was what she had wanted all that time. She could feel the tip of that toy near those tender places inside her core. Her clit throbbed for attention, her cunt watered for release, her hand scratched Tegan's back while the other squeezed a heavy breast. She undulated her hips along with her lover. The bed began moving and creaking beneath them.
Her eyes shot open when Tegan touched her clit and circled the sensitive button as quickly as she could. Sara swallowed and closed her eyes again. "Fuck, I'm close," she muttered under her breath before shrieking again when she felt Tegan's finger at the tip of her other hole. That was just fantastic. She could reach the best orgasm since her teen days if she wanted to. She hadn't lasted as much since years ago. Tegan's body was her shelter at the moment. Finally she could bite onto the upper chest of her lover when it was close to her mouth.
When she came, she screamed and laughed. That was the greatest orgasm Tegan had given her. She hoped she wouldn't bleed after it. She moaned softly when Tegan pulled out. Her lover was wheezing beside her, laughing every now and then after each sigh.
"Was that good?" Tegan pondered loudly.
"It was the best."
"Really?" Tegan looked at her. She sat up. Looked between her legs. Good. She looked at Tegan. "I feel like I'm bad at sex. I'm really bad."
Sara laughed. "You're not at all."
Tegan frowned.
"You're not, babe. You lack some experience, I'll be honest with you. But you're not bad at all. You're kind of timid. And come on, you always make me come." Sara winked. Hastily, she got between Tegan's legs. "Stay right here. I want to finish my night."
The professor took the drenched toy in her hand before pushing the tip close to her lips. Eyes focused on Tegan's dopey eyes, Sara licked the tip of the pink phallus with exaggeration. Her breasts were large and beautiful, nipples pointing downwards—Tegan could play with them all day long. Her clit jumped when Sara took more of the length in her mouth. Sara looked like a porn star. It made Tegan uncomfortable but it turned her on. Unconsciously, while staring at the swaying tits and puffy lips licking the toy like a sweet lollipop, Tegan started playing with her own breasts. She was close. Very close.
Sara started to gag on the phallus and her lover enjoyed it, pushing her head more to get some sensation in her pussy. Sara laughed the loudest an honorable professor should after setting the dildo free. Tegan took it off as quick as the passing wind, pushing Sara's confused face in her drenched cunt. Sara laughed more but Tegan couldn't join her. She needed to come and she needed it quickly. Sara lapped at the juices and bit on the small clit. She was still laughing, staring at her lover with sexually intense stares. The more Sara sucked, the closer Tegan got to her release. Sara's tongue moved back and forth on her clit till she came.
The next few days were the best they had spent together indeed. They tried new food, new places, went to the beach, got a tan, and did everything their hearts and minds desired. They had sex each day for ten days till they went back home tired but cheerful enough to allow Stacy to ramble on and on about what they had missed while they were gone.
Stacy picked them up from the airport and dropped them at their house. They both rested on their couch in the living room area upstairs. Stacy talked about watering the plants and cleaning their house twice while they were gone. Tegan was not feeling great, and even though Sara was hopeful, she was still not sure what 'not feeling great' really meant because Tegan went to the bathroom to shower after that, leaving her alone with chatty Stacy and whiny Ella. Her head already throbbed.
"I cooked for you guys. I used your oven, is that okay?" Sara nodded, holding her head. "Need an Advil?"
"Please." Jet lag was going to murder her soon along with her already throbbing head; she was bound to get the worst migraine.
When they sat on the dinner table, Sara felt better after the first bite. It must have been only hunger. Tegan, however, seemed bothered. It could be Stacy's ongoing hospital stories that annoyed her, but Sara still asked, "Are you still not feeling well?"
Tegan looked up, as if she was in shock. Stacy stopped talking. She looked at their friend and her daughter then back at Sara again. "I started."
"Oh." Sara looked down at her plate.
"Oh," Stacy said.
"When?" Sara asked.
"Must be on the plane. I saw it when I went to the bathroom."
"It's okay." Sara smiled. "I knew it wouldn't happen. We can try again if you're okay with it." Stacy was chewing silently.
"I am..." Tegan sighed. "I'm disappointed."
"It's okay, Tee."
"It doesn't always take the first time you want it unless you're me and you don't want it so it just happens," Stacy said.
"You didn't want…"
"Shushhhh," Stacy hushed her before she could say the little girl's name. Ella was starting to understand their conversations slowly. She had been repeating some words at kindergarten and home. She was smart. "I used all the birth control the world could offer but fate was against it. I knew….umm, you know, he and I wouldn't last so I didn't want any…attachment, but it happened." Stacy paused; looking at her daughter's confused face. "And I'm glad it did."
"When I was with Jeremy…" Sara looked up from her plate. She had been pondering wearily inside her mind. Well, it didn't happen. They missed another chance. They have to wait for the next month. It was like that, it had always been like that. Each month a disappointment and she was getting Tegan in her bad luck spiral now. "One time we forgot to use protection. It was the only time we didn't use it and…he…" She blushed, she couldn't say it. He came in her and she liked it. If it was only Sara in the room, she would have probably said it, but not around Stacy. No way. "You know…" Stacy nodded; Sara was looking at her without any motion. "So we panicked for two weeks because we only remembered a few days later, or, actually, only cared about it a few days later. I was scared, so scared. I even planned it in my head, what was I going to tell my mother, where would I go to get an abortion. Everything. But thankfully it didn't happen." Sara looked at her plate again. She could not eat anymore. "But now that I think about it, I could really be a lot like my mother. She has some fertility issues. All my aunts do. It took her three years of trying to conceive me and after me she couldn't conceive at all. One of my cousins shares these issues. I could…I could have them, too."
"Dr. Anderson said you're fine," Sara remarked.
"But you don't really know these things until you try, Sara," Stacy said. "If she has a history of infertility, it could take you guys awhile."
"Dr. Anderson also said I'm not very fertile, which is why I had to take fertility drugs in the first place." Sara was on the verge of a breakdown, but she resisted it. She had to.
At night when they were in bed, Tegan wondered loudly, "You're upset?"
"Me?"
"Yes." It was dark. It was hot in the room. Sara was annoyed, not upset. "About me not being pregnant?"
"Of course not," Sara answered honestly. She was upset about the Jeremy story Tegan had told. She was a little bit enraged, just a little bit jealous, just a tiny bit heartbroken. She didn't know why. "I kinda had a feeling. I just don't want you to go through what I went through just to get a baby."
"Don't worry about it." Tegan sighed loudly. "I can get my mother to give me a check up."
"You don't trust Dr. Anderson?"
"My mother is famous in treating infertility and these issues, Sara."
"I know." Yes, Sara knew. She read her name in some articles she found online. She saw her on the news once. She heard about her from other people. She could have just been the person she needed when she was with Jack, but fate introduced her to this woman and her daughter years after. "Life is too ironic, don't you think?"
Tegan chuckled. "It is." Tegan touched her hot hand and squeezed it. "It really is."
"I don't want our honeymoon phase to be over. I don't want this issue to break it." She felt Tegan's lips on her cheek, kissing the soft flesh. "I love you," she murmured.
"I don't want that, too," Tegan said. "But we'll try again soon. We'll go to the doctor and see, okay?" That sudden change of decision also worried Sara. Tegan was opposed to having kids just a month ago, now she was pushing it. What if it was all fake? What if it was just to please her? No, she didn't want that. She didn't want Tegan's life to be a dumpster for the sake of her happiness and satisfaction.
And it looked like what she had feared, she almost got.
The weeks that followed were not bad except that she was called by the University for a couple of emergency meetings in specific dates. Since she had become a Dean, her phone had not stopped ringing each day after getting back home. Sometimes it irritated Tegan, other times it made her proud. However, what vexed both of them mostly was Jack not giving up on Sara, Jack's text messages popping up every other day on Sara's screen. Sara answered none of them, but now that they were going to have a faculty meeting, she dreaded looking him in the eyes. It was disgusting how a man like him could scare her till now.
They still managed to have plenty of sex, still managed to try at home again. This time Sara was more confident, probably because Dr. Anderson assured them her wife was more than fine and more than ready to carry. They also went out with their friends, stayed the night at Stacy's once because she made them drink her cheap wine and got them intoxicated. They laughed their asses off to weird sitcoms, played with Ella and chatted with Emy when she visited them ranting about her shallow love life.
But Sara had been quite busy for the previous week. She would come home to eat dinner, have sex and sleep. However, one Wednesday afternoon, when she came home, Tegan was crying in bed.
"What's wrong?" she asked with a pale face and quick heartbeats.
"I don't know," Tegan answered. "I woke up feeling like my body was on lead, I swear Sara. I can't move a muscle. I'm too cold. I have a fever. I don't feel well at all."
"Are you getting the flue?"
"I think." Tegan sniffled. "God, I don't even know why I'm crying." She sat up. "I'm so lame."
"You worried me." Sara kissed her plump lips. Tegan wiped her own tears.
"I know. My body's really broken. That's how it feels." Sara was rubbing her exposed arms. Sara's hands were warm enough to make her moan. "God, that feels good. Your hand feels good." Sara smirked at her, licking her lower lip. "Shut up."
"I didn't say anything." Sara squeezed her arm. "Looks like you want something in particular."
"I do," Tegan admitted.
Sara took off her grey blazer, still smirking.
"Wash your hands."
"I washed them downstairs."
They kissed and Tegan moaned. Her hair was getting longer, shaggier. It was not as dark as she had it before. Her brown locks were beginning to overrule the dyed ones. Her breasts were big again, swollen again, very alluring to Sara's eyes. When she touched them, Tegan flinched. "It hurts."
"Okay, sorry."
"The fertility pills, Sara. They're working their shit one me, I swear. I wake up with sore breasts each day. It's been like that for over a month."
"Yeah, I know. They're terrible." Sara hoped they'd have what they want so Tegan would stop taking them already.
She pushed her hand in Tegan's sweatpants and underwear. Tegan was soaked. Sara gasped as she felt the saturation. "Wow. That's very…"
Tegan blushed deeply. "I know."
"Have you been playing with yourself?"
"No," Tegan said, feeling Sara's finger at her entrance. She had never been this drenched, she could feel it increasing. "I just felt it." Sara's brows were furrowed as she pushed inside her lover's entrance. Tegan was confused by Sara's confusion. "Sare, please…"
"Tee, I think…" Sara pulled her hand out. Tegan's eyes widened. "You started, honey." Blood coated Sara's fingers.
Tegan resumed her tears rather quickly. "I'm more than a week late. I was hoping...I was gonna talk to you about it." She wept in front of Sara's shocked face. Sara could cry too, but she didn't. "I've been having terrible cramps this entire morning and that's why I was crying but I kept denying it because my entire body hurts as well. I just thought I'm actually pregnant. I didn't wanna say it. I really thought it happened."
Sara hugged her that night and made her calm down. Sara's heart broke once again. They lost another month. Sara didn't cry, however. She was the stronger of the two. As much as she wanted, she didn't cry. "We'll try again next month," Sara whispered, but honestly she was already sick of trying.
Tegan woke up at 4:00 AM solely to cry. It was the boring scenario of Tegan's cramps once again. Sara stayed in bed and heard her wincing in pain, crying, and shaking. After an hour and a half of trying to get back to sleep, Sara gave up. She went to the kitchen, made some coffee and prepared the heating pad. When she went up, Tegan's crying voice was loud in the bathroom. She went in without knocking. Tegan was on the toilet.
"Sara, I'm dying."
After a somber night and a gloomy dawn, Sara finally wanted to laugh from the bottom of her heart. "You're not dying. You say that each month. Literally each month. I'm gonna record it next time."
"No, no, this time is different. I'm bleeding like its fucking shark week. It hurts so bad. I'm dying, I swear."
Sara sighed. "Tee, babe, just try to finish up. I made you some coffee and here's your heating pad outside."
An hour later, Tegan did not calm down. She only wept harder and cried louder. Sara watched the news and ate breakfast, tried to ignore as much as she could, but when Tegan called her mother, she knew Tegan was not exaggerating as she always did; however, her mother couldn't believe her.
"Tegan, you're not really calling me at 6:30 just to tell me you have the worst cramps ever. When are you going to grow up?" Tegan only cried. "Where's Sara?"
"I'm right here." Sonia was put on speaker by Sara. "She woke up at four crying like that."
"She doesn't have to announce it to the world. What can I do about it! Let her sleep it off. God, Tegan, you're twenty-two not thirteen anymore."
"I really can't fucking take it, I'm dying," Tegan screamed. Sara looked at her with two wide shocked eyes. "I called to ask you why the fuck is this happening to me? This is the worst feeling. I can't feel my body. I swear it hurts. It fucking hurts. Why is that? Why am I not getting pregnant? Is this period bad because of the drugs, because of the sperm in me, because what?" Tegan was losing it.
"Tegan, calm down," Sara said, rubbing a very warm hand. "You have a fever."
Sonia spoke after a long pause. "Sometimes it has something to do with it, yes." Tegan put her head on the pillow, closed her eyes and wept silently. "I think you're angry because you're not pregnant, not because you're in pain."
"I'm sick of you assuming what you don't know."
"Um, Sonia, I'm sorry about that," Sara said, glaring at her pained lover. "I'll get her to calm down."
When Sara hung up, Tegan filled the silence with more cries. Sara could do nothing. She couldn't tell if Tegan was hurt, sad, angry; she simply couldn't tell what was happening to Tegan. But, truly, Tegan was hurt and nobody believed her pain.
When Sara was getting dressed to go to her meeting, Tegan interrupted, "I need to go to the doctor. I can't take it. I'm getting too dizzy."
Sara looked at her for a few seconds. She had never asked to visit a doctor. Tegan hated doctors. Her volunteering to see one just proved that she was not exaggerating. "Uh…I have to go to the meeting. Will you be able to wait till I come back?" Tegan nodded, wiping unstoppable tears. "I'll keep calling to check on you. Why don't you call Emy to come here?" Tegan shook her head. "Why not?"
"I just need my mum right now. I need my mum." Sara was taken aback by that. Her mother did not even show any sympathy because she, just like everyone else, thought it was her usual exaggeration.
Sara left her house with a worried mind. Maybe there was something wrong. She called her friend while driving. "You have a day off today, right?"
"Yes, want me to come over? We can get Chinese food."
"No, I want you to go sit with Tegan until I come back."
"Umm…why?" Stacy asked.
"I don't know, she's been crying all night long. She started yesterday and her mood is awful but she says she's in so much pain and, you know." Stacy sighed. "I know, I know. Just babysit her for me, please? Maybe Ella will make her feel better. I think she's upset about…yeah, we're not pregnant again."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sara." Stacy sounded empathetic. A tear rolled down Sara's eyes but she wiped it away before anyone in the street could spot it. "I'll go now. Don't worry."
"Thank you. I'll call to check up on her."
"You're such a good wife." Stacy laughed, making Sara laugh along.
Tegan was positive there was something abnormal, something strange. She had never bled as much, never experienced such pain, such irritation, such pressure. She sat on her knees and squeezed her eyes, tried to control her breath and bear the growing pain. The more time passed the dizzier she felt. Did she do something wrong? Overdose by accident? What could have possibly happened?
Stacy and her daughter came in the middle of a breakdown. Tegan was crying loudly, clutching her lower abdomen, curled on the bed. Yes, Stacy still had the extra keys because Sara could never say no to her.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Stacy ran up to her with panic. Ella stood faraway, frozen and puzzled. "What's going on? Tegan."
"I'm dying, I'm dying. I can't feel my body. Everything hurts. My back, my vagina and everything." Stacy made her sit up. She was burning. "Oh, God. Please do something about, I'm begging you."
"What do you want me to do? Did you take painkillers?" Of course she did, that was a silly question. Stacy went to the kitchen to get the younger woman some water and something to eat. When she came back, Tegan was squatting on the bed and Ella was sitting on a leather chair in the corner of the room, watching from afar. "Okay, what are you doing?"
Tegan could barely speak. Her face was turning red. She looked plain horrible.
"Tegan." Stacy put her hand behind her back. "Sit down, please…sit down."
"Sara just said this position used to make her cramps go away."
"Oh, God." Stacy sighed. "Did she call?" Tegan nodded. Stacy's hand was being squeezed without mercy. By mow Stacy was sure these were not just cramps, there was something bigger and Tegan needed to see the doctor.
Minutes passed and Tegan's pain was only increasing. She didn't even have the power to make a sound anymore. Her lips were growing pale, so was her face. Her eyes were drowsy, her forehead sweaty. Stacy kept asking some questions because Tegan refused to get dressed and go to the doctor with her. When Sara called again, she asked if Stacy could give her a checkup. Tegan refused quickly.
"Could it be another fractured cyst?" Stacy asked but Tegan shook her head.
"It didn't hurt as bad, I swear. I didn't even bleed like that."
"You're bleeding a lot," Stacy said. Tegan nodded quickly. She was lying in bed, eyes half closed, body covered with two heavy blankets.
"I couldn't even…" She looked at Ella's silent face then back at Stacy's concerned one. At this moment she didn't care what she told Sara's friend, she just wanted the pain to go away. "I couldn't use a tampon. I keep changing my pad each hour and I keep on leaking. I don't…I don't get what's happening."
Stacy made a few calls with doctors in the hospital she worked in. Tegan was losing vigor and color by the second. She looked atrocious, simply scary. When she went to the bathroom one more time, she screamed inside. Stacy went in after a knock, closed the door right before Ella could follow her. Tegan was sobbing hysterically.
"What the fuck is that?" The sight was horrible, disgusting, and nauseating; but Stacy knew exactly what the fuck was that mass of blood in front of her. She dealt with patients who suffered this almost each week. She could not believe her eyes. She wanted to cry looking at Tegan's colorless face.
"Try to breathe. Take a breath. Hold my hand," the friend directed, a hand behind Tegan's back and a hand held Tegan's. "We have to get you to the hospital immediately." She was in a haze, in loss, in confusion. How was she going to drive her to the hospital, get her in, call Sara? Oh, God, how was she going to tell Sara? Sara was going to lose it. Sara was not going to believe it.
"I'm gonna faint," Tegan whispered weakly.
"You're losing so much blood," Stacy commented.
"Am I gonna die?" Tegan had surrendered and let the older woman take care of her. She was being rid of her bottom clothes and she didn't care at all. She couldn't see clearly. She was really going to die. Was that how death felt? That's what she wondered about before fainting, before Stacy's last words, before gasping and losing consciousness all at once.
"No, honey, no." Stacy was super nice, why was she super nice? Stacy was even crying. "You're having a miscarriage."