Catharsis

by poemsandroses

Catharsis is the purification and purgation of emotions—especially pity and fear—through art or any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration. What happens if a parallel universe existed and gave both women another chance to restart what they have ended? This is the parallel ending to Halo.

38. The Most Beautiful Woman

They both had a strict schedule they followed every moment of the day. They had to draw a timetable and put every activity done during the day in it, otherwise they would have failed at parenthood the day Stacy and Emy went back home. They did use the help of both mothers via phone calls and text messages. Sara never thought she would call her mother to ask if her baby's diarrhea was alarming or not, but she did because Sonia wasn't picking up and her best friend had a date night with her lover.

It was Evelyn who told Sara to make a schedule of everything they had to do throughout the day. There should be a time for feeding, a time for bathing, a time for playing, a time for pumping, one for relaxing, one for cooking, one for sleeping, one for cleaning, and, lastly, one for…

"For you and your wife to…" Paused Evelyn while Sara was writing all the rules she had been receiving.

"To?" Sara asked.

"To…" The mother couldn't say it. "You know… for you and your wife…for you…two…together..."

"I don't get…ohhhh." Sara cleared her throat awkwardly. "Mum, my babies are barely 2 months old."

"And?"

Sara didn't know what to say, her mother should be able to understand it.

"Mum…my wife just healed like…like weeks ago and…"

"Yeah?" Why was she so curious? Sara shook her legs rapidly beneath the table. Heat covered her chest the longer the interval was.

"We don't do that," Sara whispered. "She's not ready."

"Yes, but she will be. And when she is you have to find a time for that because you don't want your relationship to die, Sara." Sara's eyes widened at the thought her mother was concerned about her very gay relationship which she had never thought would be approved by her very strict mother.

"Oh…okay." A long interval of awkwardness took place until Evelyn decided to steer the conversation back to Sara's babies and their needs.

But Sara kept her mother's advice in mind and told Tegan about it. The discussion was fruitful and her wife had her own input as well.

"I just think that we should try to at least put time for making out. I guess at night because that's when you're really horny and you get close to me or start having wet dreams."

"Tegan," Sara shouted playfully. Her giggle made the baby in her arms smile and that was the second time she smiled. "You like my laugh, little Scar?" Scarlet continued smiling as she stared at her mother with wide eyes.

"It's true," Tegan said. "I hear you talking in your dreams." Rose was in her arms, and she, too, was staring at her mother as she spoke.

"Okay, but what's your point? We should make out and then I sleep hornier than I usually am?"

"No," Tegan said. "You touch yourself because it's only healthy."

"Aha." Sara nodded with a smirk.

"You're already doing that," concluded Tegan with a faint smile.

"Two times in the shower." The professor shrugged.

"Okay, but now I think you need it more and in a regular time because your showers shouldn't take more than ten minutes and you take a long time to cum…" Before Sara could interrupt, Tegan continued, "Don't deny it. You do. You take about an hour."

"Come on!" Sara giggled again. "When I do it to myself, it's about five minutes."

"No, Sara. That's because you haven't done it for a long time. But when you do it daily or regularly you last longer."

"Okay, true…but you, too."

"I know. I'm not denying it." She leaned in to kiss her wife and when they parted, both of their babies were staring wonderingly at them. "They're like little cotton balls. They're like some miracles, Sara."

"I love your fascination with them," Sara teased.

"But, seriously, thank God my babies are this cute." She kissed Rose's forehead. "You're so cute, you little piece of sugar."

"Kiss her sister." Sara held Scarlet up for her wife to kiss.

"Of course, of course. I can't forget my little whiny cupca…" Just as she was finishing her sentence, Scarlet threw up on her and on Rose.

Rose began to cry. Tegan squealed in disgust. Sara laughed in amusement and kissed her daughter's head a couple of times, commending her on the job she'd done.

And, therefore, they followed Evelyn's advice. Their nightly routine started at ten when their children were fed and put to bed. They didn't have a particular position, but usually Tegan sat on her wife's lap and began making out with her, groping her and whispering sensual words to her until Sara felt the urge to be touched. Tegan let her go and Sara headed to the bathroom to touch herself in privacy.

Tegan had asked her to do it on their mattress but Sara refused.

"You're not into it so I feel like I'm forcing it onto you when I do it here," she said. "Plus, it's a bit of a private moment and it does kinda make me feel shy."

"Since when?" Tegan scoffed.

"Since you're not in the mood for it and you're not doing it, too." Tegan nodded quietly.

The truth was Tegan wanted Sara to share those intimate moments in front of her for, maybe, she could finally feel aroused. She kissed with passion and touched with love, but need was never present. She tried touching those parts of her body but they were so dry and soft as if they hadn't ever been touched. She avoided even looking at them sometimes. She decided if another month presented a dead libido she was going to talk to Sara about sex therapy. She wanted her old life back but she didn't know how to get anything the way it had been when nothing was the same.

On the internet, her feelings weren't only common, but very normal as well. In fact it was rare that she found a mother's comment bragging about her quickly-awakened libido post childbirth. Most mothers needed about four months after birth. Some needed more. Others required a sex therapist to interfere.

She sighed as she scrolled while her wife was taking her morning shower. Her two infants were sitting in their chairs in the living room upstairs. It was her turn to shower after Sara so they'd be watched. It would be hard for them to follow this routine once Sara was back to work. It was already July, which meant only a month was left for Sara to leave her with two infants during the morning. Everyone, too, was very busy. Emy didn't only have work, but also college. Stacy was always busy during the days. She felt like she needed new friends that shared her experience but how would she get those people when she was the youngest mother out of all the people she knew? She knew she was bound to get bored, but at least she had her kids to entertain her.

Her stream of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing from downstairs. She wondered who would be coming over at such an early hour in the morning. She thought of Emy since she had started her summer break and was spending most of her time at their place recently. But Emy never visited at eight in the morning. Plus, Emy and Stacy always preferred to call or text to declare they were close so they could let themselves in if they were given permission to do so. Could be her friend Jeremy, but he, too, also called and made sure she was ready to receive him before he intruded. Could be one of Sara's friends; most of them had already visited the previous two weeks to congratulate Sara and see the babies.

The doorbell rang again as she was walking down the stairs. Her babies were alone and unsupervised so she hoped whoever out there only needed a few seconds. Sara had stopped locking the outside gate of their house because they always had to wake up early to open it so people could let themselves in. She had installed security cameras all over the backyard and front lawn and above the garage. Their neighborhood was full of large empty villas and she had been watching a lot of robbery documentaries lately.

An unfamiliar face greeted Tegan. She stood there with her hand clutched around the door knob to take in one of the most beautiful women her eyes had fallen on. She was about Tegan's height and probably her wife's age. Her brown hair was soft and silky smooth stopping right above her shoulders. Her eyes were emerald gardens; they were big with long lashes and she had few freckles on the prominent cheekbones. Her nose was small and her lips were plump and cherry painted. She looked like one of those women she would see in old movie posters. Her chiffon white and black polka-dotted dress stopped right below her knees. She had black pumps with heels of medium height. Her skin was pale and her posture was rigid as the younger woman kept examining her.

"Excuse me…" Even her voice, God, it was like a soft tune one would hear on a summer's evening. "Is this Dr. Clement's house?" The woman finally smiled and even her teeth looked like the purest pearls one would find. The woman clutched her black purse tightly as she waited. Her face seemed worried the longer Tegan took to respond to her.

"It is," Tegan whispered, filled with incomprehensible jealousy. "I'm her wife. She's in the shower."

"Oh…uh…May I come in and wait for her?" Tegan nodded quietly, cursing herself and her stupid pajamas and messy hair. Why was such a gorgeous woman at their place asking for her wife? And why hadn't she ever seen her face? She was probably one of Sara's past lovers, one she could never compete with. She was a woman searching for Sara to rekindle the old flame.

"Our kids are upstairs alone…Sara's kids…and mine…" The woman seemed so stiff, not showing a single emotion but that polite smile. "So I have to go and…I'll call Sara…" Tegan wanted to wipe that dark red lipstick off that woman's face before she called Sara. She knew how much of a slut for elegant women her wife was.

She climbed upstairs, made sure her girls were alright, and then barged into her room then her bathroom where Sara was washing her hair.

"What's wrong?" Sara said as she saw the panic her wife was in. She paused her actions and asked again, "Tee, is everything alright? Are they alright?"

"Get out of the shower quickly and go meet your ex…"

"My ex?"

"Yes, your ex," Tegan said with gritted teeth. "Only the most beautiful woman that walked on earth." She handed Sara her towel as the professor processed the words in her head.

"Which ex? My exes weren't that pretty."

"I don't know. She didn't say. I didn't ask. I panicked and the twins are here alone and I had to come up and call you and she wants you and she's just so fucking hot and beautiful." She followed Sara to their bedroom and helped her get a pair of blue jeans and a simple black shirt.

"Whoa…probably not my ex. Could be someone from the university. Maybe the new Chair." Sara shrugged. Tegan calmed down a little bit. She took a deep breath as her wife got dressed. "You're here being jealous while your kids and a guest are all alone in different rooms?"

"Yes." She breathed in and out.

Sara's hair was still wet and her face was fresh of makeup but she couldn't leave a guest alone and she certainly hoped she wouldn't leave a bad impression on this person.

"I'll pick Rose, you'll pick Scarlet and we'll go meet Audrey Hepburn…"

"Wait…wait…" Sara turned around as she was carrying the first baby. "Audrey Hepburn?"

"Oh no…even prettier. Merge Audrey Hepburn and Rooney Mara…with fuller lips…God, so fucking hot." Sara nodded with a realizing smile and sighed contently. "What?"

"I think I know who that is." She winked at Tegan and went downstairs with her fuming wife walking behind her.

She was not mistaken. Indeed, it was her own mother standing there with all her beautiful glory, somehow more tantalizing than ever, as charming as she could ever be. "Mother," Sara said calmly, "what brings you here?"

Her wife's eyes opened in shock and her face was immediately attacked with the sharpest of colors. It made Sara's mother grin at her reaction.

"Your mother?" Tegan whispered shockingly. "I'm so…sorry…I didn't…" Tegan stuttered.

"I know, my dear." Nodded Evelyn as she scanned the two babies. "These are my grandkids," she said rhetorically.

"Umm…yes. I'm sorry, mum," Sara apologized as she mentally cursed herself for being so rude towards the woman who had been helping her for the past three months. "I'm very sorry. I'm merely shocked."

"It is alright, Sara," sang her mother, or that's how Tegan heard it. Her voice was heavenly. She looked at her embarrassed wife and back at their daughters. She began to understand what Sara meant when she said her mother looked nothing like her, or that some people assumed she's adopted if it weren't for the shared personality and the very little resemblance people could obtain if they spent some time with both of them. She just couldn't absorb how that woman looked even younger than her wife and how she had held all that hatred in her for years.

"Mum, sit down," Sara said. "Sit down." She waited till her mother took a seat and then sat next to her with Scarlet on her lap. Tegan sat on the chair next to her wife. Evelyn couldn't take her eyes off the babies. "This is Scarlet, mum." She kissed the baby's head as the baby softly whimpered in her arms. "And that's Rose." She looked at her stunned wife. "And that's Tegan." She smiled at her wife. "My wife," she added when she looked back at her mother. "They're three months old now as you know…uh, not Tegan…certainly. She's umm…twenty-three."

"More beautiful than the pictures," Evelyn said as she looked at the youngest woman in the room.

"Me?" Tegan exclaimed with a high octave. "No…you." Sara couldn't help but laugh. "I mean…you…you're so…wow."

"Mum, she's impressed."

"I can tell." Tegan spotted the color reaching its way to her mother-in-law's face. "And I'm flattered."

"Why didn't you tell me you're coming?" Sara asked in a timid whisper. Her hand fidgeted with her daughter's tiny fingers.

"I didn't think you would let me," the mother answered calmly. "And I really wanted to see you and see my grandchildren. I missed you."

"I am going to take my shower," Tegan declared in order to leave space for Sara and her mother to have a little chat. "I won't be long. Welcome to our house Mrs. Clement." Tegan stood up awkwardly with the baby still in her arms.

"Thank you," said Evelyn. "I can hold her," she offered, noticing how Tegan hesitated where to put the baby.

"Oh, thank you," she mumbled as she passed the infant to the other woman. However, the storm of cries immediately began as Tegan left her infant. "Oh, man." She rubbed her forehead, not knowing what to do. "They kinda do that when somebody else other than us holds them."

"It's fine, love. Go take your shower. I'll calm her down." Sara smiled genuinely at her wife, who nodded and excused herself upstairs. Sara began distracting the baby, making her aware that she was still there. "This is your granny, Rosy," she sang. "And here's your sister." She held Scarlet's hand to wave with it. Scarlet looked up at her mother and immediately smiled and cooed.

"This is honestly beautiful," Evelyn commented. "How beautiful are they!"

"They're breathtaking," Sara said. "Oh, no, don't do that," she said when she noticed that both of her daughters put their thumbs in their mouths and began to suck on them. Scarlet had done it so many times that her sister caught on and imitated her. Sara tried to remove Scarlet's hand first but the infant began to whine and whimper.

"What's wrong with it? Let them do it. You used to suck your thumb too but you stopped when you were a little bit older."

"I did?" Sara didn't recall that. Nobody had ever told her about it.

"Yeah."

"It's just that Tegan had a really terrible habit of sucking her thumb till…"

"Till?" She shouldn't inform her mother about that.

"Till about two years ago." Evelyn's eyes widened but a little laugh followed it. "So I don't want them to…you know, stay doing this. Especially that they have most of her genes. Don't know where Adam's are."

"They do have his eyes for sure," remarked the mother as she examined the little girls. "The nose, too." Thankfully, thought Sara but didn't voice it. "One can't tell that quickly. Personality wise they might take from both of them, but let's just hope they don't take any of that stubbornness of your father and uncle." Sara almost shivered in disgust and fear as she recalled those two men in her life. She was glad her cousin wasn't like them, but the gene could go to one of her kids. "You are pretty stubborn yourself."

"I am?" Sara chuckled. "Really?"

"A little bit."

"By the way," Sara said softly, "of course I would have let you come here."

"You would have?" The woman's brows were raised and a smirk followed. "Your wife didn't even know how I looked like. She's either uninterested or…"

"No, no," Sara interrupted. "She really is, actually…umm…interested…" She faltered. Should she take all the blame? Would her mother understand her reasons? "It's me. I didn't want to…"

Evelyn nodded. Her eyes looked down at the drowsy infant. She bit on her red lips and took a deep breath. Sara didn't want her to cry; she was aware how sensitive her mother was and how far they'd come to ruin this again.

"I wanna tell you why but you have to let me speak. You have to understand me, mother." Mother nodded again. "Can you look at me?"

Two greens with glittering tears looked up. A sharp nose flushed and ears burned red.

"At the beginning when she asked about you I avoided telling her much. I didn't even want to talk about you when I met her years ago. I was ashamed you were my mother and…he's my dad. When you visited last I really thought I could get used to having you here. I was happy you did even though I pretended I wasn't. I told her about you and narrated stories. I enjoyed our time together until that morning you truly hurt me with your words."

"I'm sorry," Evelyn apologized silently. Her soft tears ran down slowly.

"Mum, don't cry." Sara put a hand on her mother's knees. "Please. I'm just telling you how I feel."

"I can't help it. I feel like a bad mother. I've been a bad mother."

"It's all in the past," Sara assured. "I just thought after that visit you'd never change and that there weren't any hope for you being supportive. You were always going to see me this disgusting abnormal woman who won't ever fit your concept of religion or your standards. I just didn't get it because I thought I knew you. I know what you write and what you read and what you hide inside. I've always known it. I knew it was just an act in front of father so I was shocked you still carried that type of hate he'd put in you."

Sara picked up Scarlet and put her against her chest when the whining resumed. The twins had to be fed. They were hungry. She began to rock the kid slowly to calm her down until she finished her point and got the food to her children.

"So when you just came back apologizing and promising you were willing to change yourself for me, I didn't trust you. I really didn't, mum. I was so scared you'd get to me again then break me. I wanted to push Tegan away from all that negativity because what we have in our lives is enough. I needed you, though. There were lots of times I needed a mother badly and I couldn't find one. I envied Tegan when her mother held her as she cried or worried about her when she didn't feel well. I wanted to be in her place and I wanted you by my side but I couldn't trust you'd come back and be here without hurting me."

"You still don't?" asked Evelyn. Her mascara was half ruined.

"I'm trying not to. I'm trying to put my faith in this. I really want you to be in my life, as present as Tegan's family. I want you here visiting me when you miss me and I want to visit you with my kids and wife in Christmas or summer or whatever it is without feeling like we're a plague."

"You're not," whispered Mother. "You're not a plague. You're a beautiful family." Rose had begun to suck on her own hand as she wept silently. "I'd prefer not to interrupt this but I reckon they're hungry, Sara."

"Yes, they are." Sara stood up with Scarlet screeching loudly against her arms. "It's time for their second meal. Let's go upstairs, mum. I have their bottles in the mini fridge upstairs."

"I don't want to bother you and…disturb your day, Sara. I can leave and we can finish this another time." Sara was already walking towards the stairs but once she heard her mother's words, she turned around and furrowed her brows. "Truthfully, Stacy told me the directions to your house. I did not know them. I expected she would warn you that I would be on my way. I expected to get an angry phone call from you." She chuckled wistfully. "I guess she didn't tell you."

That explained the many text messages Sara kept receiving while she was in the shower. She did hear her phone buzzing but she did not care enough to leave the bathtub in order to inspect. "Mum, are you serious?" Sara took her mother's hand in hers. It was sweaty and clammy. "You're staying here. We have to catch up. You're not going anywhere." Sara paused. "Unless you have something else to do."

"No, no." She shook her head. "I came for you."

Sara put the infants in their chairs and hurriedly grabbed two bottles from the fridge to feed them. She scanned her mother's posture as she stood straight against the window staring outside as if she was a woman from a 50's film. Sara sat on the floor and held the two bottles. Rose had her hand on the bottle, begging for her mother to leave her but Sara knew too well the grip was not strong and the bottle would fall on her face like the night before.

"You have a nice house," commented Evelyn. "That's the type of house I wanted for you."

"We took a loan," Sara admitted. "Tegan had money and I did, too. I was just too afraid we'd go broke after buying it. We paid for 75% of the house and the rest is still being paid for."

"How many years left to finish paying for it?" Sara thought a little bit. "Because I could lend you some money so…"

"No, mum," Sara said. "It's a shared estate and Tegan wouldn't really want that. Her parents offered, too. I refused. My job pays well."

Evelyn nodded.

"Anyway, three years." She looked at the clock on the wall, noticing that Tegan had taken too long in the bathroom. "Mum, can you hold the bottles for them? I'll just check on Tegan quickly. She's taking too long."

"Of course," whispered Evelyn. She looked down on the floor, not knowing whether she should sit down or not. Sara moved the chairs closer to the couch when she witnessed the hesitancy.

"Here. Sit here."

Tegan was in her underwear, sheltered between racks of clothes in the joint closet. She was not staring at her side, but at her wife's. Sara stood at the entrance, watching her as she fretted to find a suitable outfit to properly meet the woman outside.

"I hate you for not showing me her picture," she shot at her wife. Her hair was perfectly done; straightened and combed, but her makeup was a failed attempt of concealing nights of exhaustion. She had painted her lips with a lip gloss she'd found in Sara's cabinet in the bathroom. She had searched for any colorful lipstick but found none. They hadn't any makeup and she cursed herself for that. She covered her bags with an old concealer she desperately hoped wouldn't harm her skin. Thank God she still found some mascara. They needed to buy a few beauty products. They had forgotten everything (though little it was) in San Diego.

"I didn't want her to hurt us with her closed-mindedness. How would I know she changed for real? I couldn't trust her."

"You didn't want her to hurt you, Sara. Not me."

"And? Am I not supposed to protect myself and my feelings?" A simple black dress was thrown at her. "You're gonna wear that?"

"Yes," Tegan said. It was Sara's.

"Don't try to look feminine for her. Just because she looks like that she doesn't expect you to look like that. I looked nothing like her when I was young. I really didn't. It just pissed her off that I hid my 'curvy' body beneath baggy clothes."

"I don't care. I want to impress her."

"My God, be yourself," Sara shouted. "I'm sorry."

"I'm trying, but I can't." The weeping fountains began to pour. "I feel overwhelmed. I don't want her to hate us."

"She might do that. I can't promise you she won't. That's part of the reason I didn't want her close. She's not very stable when it comes to expressing emotions." Tegan nodded. "Be yourself like you are around your fucked up grandmother." She nodded again.

"That dress won't fit me anyway. I'm too fat." She turned around and looked at her side of the closet. "When can I wear normal jeans again? Those mum jeans are getting boring, okay?"

"Three more months," Sara whispered. "Wear this," she handed her a light blue button up. It was a gift from Sara she'd received on her birthday two months before. It was one of the few things that fit her. It was not as large as her maternity clothes but not as small as the shirts she'd worn before. "With your overalls." She squeezed her wife's shoulder. "Mother loves overalls if it concerns you. She wore them all the time. She can wear normal clothes like us, by the way. You should see her in her weekly clean-the-shit-out-of-the-house attire." The giggle that escaped was melodious. Sara pecked the gleaming lips. "My lip gloss." She kissed again to taste the cherry.

"Yeah. We need to buy some cosmetics." Her ass was slapped. "Sara," she screamed.

"Shhh." Sara laughed. "She can hear well…very well."

"Tell yourself that."

"I'll be waiting for you outside."

Sara left again and found her mother singing to the girls. Her melodies, as refined as ever, still made the goosebumps stand on Sara's arms. Still sad in their tone but for the first time happy in their words. The infants were dazed either by her beauty or by her octave. Their eyes were widely open, hands clutched without them noticing, and lips full of saliva as feet shook wildly in their chairs.

She moved slowly and sat beside her mother. They smiled at one another. Her teeth showed and her eyes twinkled when she realized the excited features on her children's faces. When the tune was over a kiss was left on her temple. It was sudden and surprising. She felt eleven. She rejoiced the feeling.

"They held each other's hands on their own," said Evelyn.

"They do that sometimes."

"I took a few pictures if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't." Sara stood up. "I'm going to brew some coffee. Want some?"

"Yes, please." She resumed her playing with the babies. They were active enough after their feeding.

The day went smoothly. Tegan got to meet her mother-in-law. It was overwhelming for her and she stuttered and perspired plentifully but the more they talked, the more she was able to get used to this stranger.

"And you're majoring in literature…like us," Tegan stated excitedly.

"Yes, I convinced Sara to major in English. We did not have enough money to get her into Med school." She turned around from her place on the couch and watched her daughter preparing drinks behind the mini bar.

"She's a reading machine," Sara commented. "She had this huge bookshelf full of books that I was only allowed a portion of." Sara snorted. "But little did she know I read everything I was told not to read."

"I knew you did." Shrugged Evelyn. "I pretended I didn't." Sara doubted that. Her mother seemed genuinely shocked when she was caught with Stacy; her horror showed in ways Sara hadn't seen them. She remembered the honest fear her mother had portrayed that day, as if her daughter was not allowed to even know anything regarding human sexual interactions.

"Thank you," she mumbled when Sara handed her a glass of wine.

Tegan moans quietly when her wife sat next to her. "No," Sara said.

"I'll pump and dump."

"No," she repeated, sipping her wine teasingly. Both women witnessed the blush on the face of the stranger. Tegan thought that they had to stop themselves from teasing each other but Sara didn't want to show a picture other than the reality they portrayed in front of everyone.

"So, umm…you met at university," spoke Evelyn. It was a little feather itching at her brain and she had to get it off, scratch the itch, relieve her need. Her legs shook as she faced the couple. She noticed her daughter staring. She tried to steady herself but couldn't. The glass shook with her. She couldn't tell what the wife felt, but what she could tell was that Tegan did notice her loud nerves.

She was young. So young. Younger than the few pictures her daughter had sent. Younger than her imagination. Younger than the warning Stacy gave. Younger than everyone she knew.

"Actually, I had a little crush on her before I saw her in my class. I even wrote poems about her. It was so wild to me seeing her there to be honest." Her daughter beamed and the young woman grinned as they exchanged a look full of love and passion. Was that love? Why couldn't she have it with her husband? If she had left him when she thought of it the first time, she could have had that love. It was the first hour after birth.

Whenever she thought about leaving him, Sara stood in the way. She had always blamed it on Sara and when Sara left she thought about leaving again but she couldn't. She realized it wasn't Sara. Sara never liked him anyway. It was her fear of being alone, of misery, of rejection. People often complimented her beauty. She knew they wondered why she was with a man like him but when she was younger she couldn't get it. She couldn't even understand her beauty. When three-year-old Sara stood on the couch and stared into her eyes chanting, "You're beautiful, mummy," she did not believe it. Every child thought their mother was beautiful. It was normal. Sara had always complimented her beauty when she was young.

She remembered a time when Sara was eight, upset about something her cousin had said, told her mother that she wished she was as pretty as her. Sara refused to tell her mother what that obnoxious Audrey had said, but Sara was sad, and she wished she looked like her mother. But Sara stopped those compliments when she turned eleven. Sometimes she even criticized the way her mother looked, her weight, her makeup, or something she wore. Evelyn couldn't understand the sudden change, but it gradually got bigger and stronger. Gradually, she lost control of Sara and her daughter did not like her anymore.

"It took us a very long time to realize we both liked one another," Tegan added. "It was very hard at first."

"And then when we finally did, my cancer was back." Sara sighed. "And you know the rest."

Nodded Evelyn. She didn't know. She heard of it, but barely knew. She gathered some bits and pieces and asked Stacy, too. She wished Sara just talked about every little detail but she also understood why Sara didn't.

"I'm glad you're not a coward like me. You chased after the person you loved until you got her. You tried so hard to get this family you have right now and you didn't lose hope when doors were closed." She shrugged. "If I had done that, I would have been happier."

Sara looked down at her knees. Sometimes people just didn't know what to say. If she agreed it would seem rude. If she disagreed it would seem like a lie. And it was a lie.

"You can still do the things you love now. You can still chase after them," Tegan said instead. "Like going to school? You're doing it now."

Evelyn laughed a little. "You are right."

"You're…uh…very beautiful…you can…umm…"

"You can get the love you wish you've had, mum," Sara completed for her wife. "You really can."

"Umm…" The two women feared they had angered the mother but the increasing blush and the bashful smile assured them otherwise. "I am…better…this way."

Sara wanted to give her a hug. A tight one. She wanted to squeeze her. Her mother looked like a shy school girl asked about boys for the first time. She wanted to tell her she was safe in this household and the past meant nothing to both of them.

When the girls woke up from their nap, Tegan had to feed them so Sara asked her mother to wait for her downstairs until she finished helping Tegan with the babies.

"Sorry, mum," she said as she walked down the stairs. "She's shy and she still needs help putting them both on the pillow."

"I can go, Sara."

"No, no, no. I'm going to cook dinner right now. Join me in the kitchen. We should talk."

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm." Sara walked and her mother followed with slow steps. "It's seafood night, actually. So you're pretty lucky."

Evelyn took a seat at the table. She put both hands on it and looked around at the interior. It was still very sunny, but a bit chilly that she had to harbor a shiver. Sara closed the window. She didn't know if Sara noticed her goosebumps or she was cold, too. All she knew was Montreal was bleak and cold, way colder than Vancouver.

"Tegan has been craving seafood since ever, and she hadn't had any of that since before pregnancy. Sushi was out of the picture for sure and I was also scared to make her eat any of that…I don't know what's allowed or not. I was just extra careful."

"You had every right to be." Sara smiled in response. She opened the fridge to take out the ingredients. Evelyn could tell Sara was making salmon. "Which recipe?"

"I'm going to grill it actually. With some mashed potatoes and salad. That's the only way Tegan eats it." Her daughter was so dedicated to her wife and her needs. Evelyn did wonder who was in charge of everything, who set the rules, who had a saying. It didn't seem quite clear which confused her. She was so used to roles. She was the cook, the mother, the wife. Her husband worked, brought money, and made the decisions. She didn't see that in Sara's household. Both Sara and her much younger wife made the decisions. Both of them were wives and mothers and sources of comfort to each other. "I'm also making dynamite shrimps. Tegan loves shrimps."

"That's nice," stated the mother. "You really care about what she loves and doesn't love."

"Of course." Chuckled Sara. "That's what partnership is." She was working around in the kitchen, not noticing her mother's sharp stares and tearful eyes. "I usually prepare two plates and sometimes four for Stacy and…" She paused. Stacy wouldn't want her to know about Emy. Her mother would judge Stacy, she might even tell Tara and Sara wasn't sure whether Tara knew about the relationship or not.

"And Ella?"

"Yeah…" Sara wiped off her brow with the back of her hand. "Sorry, I was thinking about whether I had cherry tomatoes or not." She opened the window slightly. "I'm going to open a bit of it. I can get you a jacket."

"No, it's fine."

Sara opened the fridge again. "Yes, we do…" She knew they did.

"I can help you," her mother offered.

"Umm, no. You should rest. I want you to tell me about the family in there. I mean Adam's?"

"What about them?"

"Do they know?" Sara put on her gloves on to work with the salmon.

"Yes," Evelyn whispered. "I am not close to them. We do not speak. I only spoke to Adam a few times, but the last time I spoke to Narissa and Audrey was in your father's funeral."

"Whoa."

"They don't like us." Sara chuckled knowingly.

"They have probably trashed me well." Evelyn did not answer. "What did they say?"

"Why do you care?" Sara shrugged. "You know what they'd say."

"I'm just curious."

"The same bullshit your father said." Sara huffed. "You should not care."

"How did you know?"

"Narissa told Tara."

"And what does Tara think?" Sara put the tray in the oven and loudly slammed the pan on the stove.

"You know Tara very well, Sara."

"Yeah, but…"

"She doesn't care. She loves you." Would she love it if her daughter was with a woman, though? Stacy had to tell her mother, Sara thought. "Don't be angry. That's how your family is."

"Tegan's family is like this, too." Sara stirred the melting butter in the pan. "Her dad's family. Her grandmother is insufferable. Full of hate. During her brother's wedding we looked like some type of a disease to everyone."

"What about her parents?" Evelyn wondered. "What are they like?"

"Doctors both of them."

"Her father, too?"

"Mhm…and her brother…a dentist." Sara opened the first button of her shirt. Her chest began to itch. "Very Christian. Dedicated to church. Open minded though."

"That is very nice."

"Tegan isn't though." Sara sighed and turned around. Her mother's brows furrowed and her nose scrunched up.

"Your chest and neck are pretty red." Sara looked down and sighed again.

"Hot flashes. It's fine."

"Are you angry?"

"No. I'm just…I don't know."

"We can talk about something else." Sara nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

It's not that she wanted to be accepted by everyone, it's the fact that it still interested her to know what her family thought of her got to her. She won her mother's acceptance but couldn't be fully happy with that. She wanted everyone to accept her though she knew that wouldn't happen. It wasn't how things worked out. Her subconscious got to her. She tried her best to push the thoughts away as her mother changed the topic to food and cooking. She still got back to that part of her that sought perfection. Eventually, Evelyn decided to help her in the kitchen because she was so slow and so distracted.

"Oh, this tastes so good," Evelyn commented as she tasted the dynamite sauce. "I can't even make it like this."

Sara grinned. "I had to try a few times till I got it like this. Yours taste really well, too."

"Yeah, but this is wonderful."

Tegan, too, moaned at the taste. She wondered loudly if Evelyn had prepared the sauce.

"No. It's all Sara's work." Tegan blushed when her wife winked at her. "I only helped with the salad."

"You should know that I am a wonderful cook by now," Sara teased.

"I do. But you always tell me your mum is like the best cook so I assumed this is her work."

"I just want to warn you not to eat too much of it. It's a bit spicy and might hurt the babies," Evelyn said.

"Yeah. Don't, Tee. Spices might make them gassy and uncomfortable."

The babies were very active after dinner. Tegan sat on the floor playing with them as they had their tummy time while Sara and her mother sat outside to chat a bit. Tegan called Stacy to fill her in on the day they had. Stacy had already sent many text messages asking for one of the two women to give their fair share of gossip.

"It's a bit awkward," Tegan said, "but it's not bad at all."

"Did she go off on Sara? Did they fight? Don't leave them alone."

"They've been alone for a good portion of the day. They need to catch up."

Stacy hummed.

"I don't think she's here to fight. She's been so nice to me and the kids." Tegan's left hand was caged between Rose's. The infant held it, licked it, and played with it. Scarlet was less active. Her pacifier did the job but she seemed uncomfortable staying in that position for too long so Tegan picked her up and placed her against her shoulder.

"Anyway, tell Sara not to tell her about me and Emy because my mother doesn't know yet."

"Oh." Tegan put Scarlet back on the mat so she could flip Rose. Both babies stared at her. She put Rose's pacifier in her mouth.

"Did you tell her?"

"I don't know. Maybe Sara did."

"Shit."

"Everyone's going to know eventually. Isn't this a serious relationship?"

"It is. But they should know when we both decide it's the right time."

"Okay. I'll tell Sara. I'm not sure if she told her or not but if she did, you gotta come up with an explanation."

"Ugh. Fucking Sara."

"Hey, don't curse at my wife." Stacy laughed. "Shut up."

"Fine. I'll leave you now. Your babies are annoying." The girls were crying, begging for attention. Their diapers needed changing and they wanted to play.

Sara told her wife she was going to drop off her mother at the hotel but her mother, luckily for Tegan, refused. "I already ordered an Uber."

"Why?"

"You shouldn't leave her alone," Evelyn whispered.

"I can handle it," Tegan lied. The kids were extra whiny at night. The cries didn't stop and the screeching increased whenever someone other than Tegan picked them up.

"It's okay, dear. I think you two should be together right now. Babies can be a lot to handle."

"Umm…but I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Of course." Evelyn smiled. "I'll call you in the morning."

When she got inside her hotel room, she burst in tears she had concealed for too long. She couldn't even reach the bed. She sat on the floor and cried over the time she had lost hating her daughter's choices. Part of her envied the healthy domestic life her wife had, the other part resented it. She didn't think it's fair that having a homosexual relationship granted that happiness. She had often thought healthy relationships were those which consisted of a man, a woman, and their children, yet what she had with her husband was far away from being healthy. Sara cooked, Tegan fed. Sara changed diapers, Tegan prepared the bottles. Sara cared and Tegan did, too. She didn't have that. Nobody helped her except her best friend when she found her lost and clueless.

Sara, on the other hand, sighed happily as she held Rose. Tegan rested next to her with Scarlet on her stomach. The day had been a success. She glowed in merriment. Her mother did not spew any hateful comment. She did not judge with her eyes. She did not shrink or loathe or recoil upon seeing the affection of two women in love.

"The food was the best you've ever made," Tegan commented. Her daughter was crying on Sara's lap. "I don't get why she keeps crying."

"Thank you," Sara said. She sniffed her shirt a few times. "I think I know why."

"Hmm?" Tegan was beginning to get sleepy.

"I smell terrible. Mum had a lot of perfume so it bothered them and I have BO."

Tegan shifted her face closer to Sara's armpits to sniff her, but Sara pushed her playfully, laughing hysterically when Tegan attempted to do it again.

"No, Tee. Eww. I smell bad."

"I can't smell anything." Sara put the baby on the mattress and got up. "Where are you going?"

"Very quick shower. I wanna hold my babies." Babies had a heightened sense of smell so Tegan always made sure she did not have any strong smell of anything so they could identify her scent. They hated cologne or perfume. They hated garlic or onion. They couldn't tolerate food or spices. Sweat made them cry the most, however. Therefore, the mothers always took showers and used odorless soaps so they didn't have to bother them. "Pick a movie, alright?"

"Okay."

Tegan breastfed the twins while Sara chatted softly, commenting on scenes in the film they were watching. The lights were turned off and the lamps on each side of the bed were on so the babies could fall asleep.

"I didn't tell mum about Stacy and Emy," whispered Sara when she was asked if she had exposed her best friend. "I figured Stacy hadn't told her mother."

"Good. Then assure her."

"Tomorrow." Sara yawned. "I wonder if mum's asleep right now."

"I was thinking…" Tegan paused. She smiled down at one of the girls then continued, "I was thinking that maybe you should invite her to stay here. We have an extra room. I kinda feel bad she has to stay in a hotel while my mum spent so much time here."

Her eyes smiled and her heart jumped, Sara stared at her wife to make sure the offer was not a joke. "Really?"

"Yeah? If you want to."

"I thought of it but didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable…whoa, whoa." Her eyes widened at the nude man on the screen. "Since when did movies show fully nude men…damn…that bod…sorry." She hid an embarrassed giggle when she was glared at.

"Seriously?"

"He's hot," Sara commented. "You get hot over dressed Lorelei Gilmore and I can't get hot over this man with this nice erection?"

"You're gonna make me throw up, can you stop?"

"Sorry." Tegan was a hypocrite according to her wife. She had slept with a man and actually loved it, yet if Sara talked about men and their bodies, Tegan acted as if it was repulsive. Sara couldn't comprehend it.

After Sara had put the babies in bed, she asked Tegan to kiss her. It only took her five minutes to excuse herself to the bathroom, except that time she opened the closet and fetched the pink dildo and some lube.

Tegan didn't say anything. She stared silently and Sara didn't feel like she had to explain herself as well. Tegan reached her laptop immediately. Sara forgot to sign off from her Google account after that time she had to use Tegan's laptop. Guiltily, Tegan had been watching Sara's Google searches. She didn't mean to snoop or spy. One time she was using the search bar when she found a search for an erotica that her wife had made. It was a gay erotica. After that she couldn't find anything special. It was just weird searches about rashes or hot flashes or symptoms their babies had or names of actors and actresses she was interested in.

Not tonight, though. Tegan wanted to know what Sara would search to get herself off. She took her phone with her and the fake dick. She was turned on by that actor, too. Tegan waited and waited but no new results showed. Perhaps Sara used the incognito tab. Perhaps she had something saved on her phone. Tegan's self-consciousness triggered her and she felt uneasy. She wanted to go there and tell Sara she'd fuck her. She almost did it but she felt tired and bothered. She tried to fall asleep, but she couldn't until Sara left the bathroom fifteen minutes later.

"Done?"

"You're not asleep?"

"No," Tegan said.

"Was I loud?"

"Couldn't hear anything." Tegan yawned. "What did you get off to?"

Sara didn't answer until she got inside the sheets. "Porn."

"What type of porn?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just wanna know what type of porn you get off to," Tegan said loudly.

"Everything. I watch everything," Sara said irritatingly. "Lesbian, gay, straight porn. I even watch…ummm…real people porn. Like homemade videos. I don't search for something in particular. I just go to Pornhub and yeah…" Sara yawned, too. She buried her face in her pillow.

"What porn did you watch today?" Sara groaned. "Heterosexual?"

"Yes," Sara answered. "It was, in fact, heterosexual porn." Tegan hummed. "I wanna sleep."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

The sleep, like every night, was interrupted by their screaming babies. They both had to wake up because the two infants did not have a silent moment.

"I just don't fucking get it," Sara shouted as she walked back and forth with screeching Scarlet in her arms. "What do they fucking want?"

"Do I look like I fucking know?" answered Tegan, also walking back and forth with Rose in her arms. "You're fucking full, clean, tired, and sleepy…fucking sleep," she yelled at her baby.

"Don't yell at them." The cries were loud and furious. Both mothers were exhausted. "It just makes them cry more."

"I can't take this," Tegan whined. "I wanna sleep."

"I distinctly remember your mum saying you were very quiet as a newborn. Then she changed her mind and said you never stopped crying. What's the truth? Say it."

"How should I know?" They kept meeting each other half way as they walked around in the nursery. "Plus, what does this have to do with me?"

"These are your genes," Sara blamed.

"They could be your cousin's."

"No," Sara shouted. "I know Adam. I remember Adam. He was a sweet baby."

"Ugh. Fuck you, Sara. You were five or something. Too busy sucking your mum's tits to remember."

"Shut the fuck up," Sara shouted.

When the girls finally calmed down, the couple apologized to one another. Their children did not sleep, however. The family spent the rest of the night in the master bedroom with the twins in the middle, playing and whining. The mothers attempted to sleep but were too scared to leave the infants alone.

Evelyn knew the cause of their constant crying without a second guess. "They're both teething. Take a look." The couple stared inside the opened mouths of the two infants.

"But that's too early," Sara remarked.

"It can happen," Evelyn said.

"They're gonna bite me," Tegan commented worriedly.

"If they're latching correctly it won't hurt you unless they bite on purpose," Mother said. "I just want to give an advice; don't breastfeed them for too long. It's the worst thing that could happen to you and to them." She side-eyed her daughter, whose red ears exposed her embarrassment.

"She knows about the…umm…the situation," Sara mumbled.

"Oh. Okay. It was my fault anyway."

"Of course I won't," Tegan said with a chuckle. "But I don't wanna wean them now. They're so young and I love them so much."

"That's sweet." Smiled her mother-in-law. She didn't want to stay at Sara's at first but both women insisted on the phone. She was too shy to come inside with her suitcase. She said she wasn't staying in Montreal for too long. Sara thought it was a good idea because too much time might cause too many problems.

Evelyn was wearing a midi light pink pleated skirt with a white shirt tucked inside. The sleeves were very short. They were lacy and they stopped just a bit below her shoulders. Her hair was in a ponytail and Tegan couldn't take her eyes off the woman.

"Do you have a crush on my mum?" Sara asked teasingly when the mother excused herself to the bathroom. "You won't stop checking her out."

"You're sick." Tegan snorted. "She's gorgeous. I'm just staring at the outfit. Makes her look very young."

"I think she's trying to overcompensate the lost times. She never wore those skirts."

"Well, she looks good anyway. We should find her a boyfriend."

"Eww, no…" Sara wrinkled her nose.

"Sara?" Evelyn asked.

"Yes, mum," caught off guard, Sara exclaimed. She cleared her throat. "Mum?"

"Tara gave me a few things she wants me to hand over to Stacy so can you tell her to pass by?"

"Sure," Sara responded. "I'll invite her to dinner today."

"I was thinking about cooking today," Mother said again.

"It's my turn to cook today," Tegan said.

"Oh, you take turns?" Grinned the mother. "That's very nice. I've actually bought the ingredients already. You can help me in the kitchen.

"Yeah. I'm not as good as Sara but I'm learning."

Evelyn was told that Tegan didn't eat any beef, lamb, or pork and Sara could barely make her consume steaks or burgers. Therefore, the mother had to think of a combination that her daughter-in-law would love. Sara told her to use chicken or pasta, so she decided to go with both.

"Parmesan chicken and pesto pasta," she informed Tegan. "I hope pesto's alright with you."

"Yeah. I actually love pesto." Tegan knew how to cook almost every type of pasta as she was taught by Sara and her mother. "I can help you with it actually."

They cooked together and shared a small talk. The atmosphere was a bit heavy at first with intervals of silence, but the more Evelyn tried, the more Tegan talked. Tegan also noticed the evident lisp the mother had. It was harsher than Sara's. She also had an accent and some words came out heavier than the others. Evelyn told her that her English got better the more she read when she moved to Vancouver.

"If I'd lived here, I wouldn't have had any trouble. Everyone speaks French in here. It's easy communicating with them."

"Sara and I understand nothing. Sometimes it's really hard when the people we're trying to talk to don't speak any English, especially at restaurants."

"Sara's been living here since ever and her mother is French yet she can't pick up the language at all." Evelyn laughed. "I tried so hard, but she just couldn't learn a thing other than number five in French." Tegan burst in laughter because that was still the only thing her wife was able to pronounce other than the customary greeting or asking for a favor; just the simple phrases.

"Well, that's Sara." Tegan tasted a bit of the sauce and held back a moan. "Thank God I didn't make my sauce because you would have spit it in my face. This is magical." She tasted again as her mother-in-law stared proudly at her.

"I'm so happy I met you," Evelyn said gently. "You are a very beautiful person." Tegan couldn't help but blush and bite her lower lip. She didn't know how to respond to the compliment. "You know, Sara doesn't like to show me her lovers. Never liked it."

"Uh…it's…she has her reasons," Tegan said carefully. She didn't want to shit talk her wife. "She's been hurt."

"I know." Nodded Evelyn. "I hurt her," she admitted as she garnished the salad.

"She also…" Tegan paused. She wasn't sure talking about Sara's issues with her mother-in-law was a good idea during Sara's absence.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to make any assumption but I just think…I mean this is my personal opinion, I could be wrong…" Shit, she wished she hadn't even thought about it.

The mother stared at Tegan apprehensively. Her green forests moved slowly, scanning the pale face of the younger woman.

"She might be a bit jealous of your beauty and thinks that if we see her moth…" Evelyn interrupted with a chuckle and a long ahhhh of realization.

"Oh, trust me, this is not an assumption. My kid is super self-conscious and can't see her true beauty."

"She's gorgeous and thinks she's ugly compared to you. I mean you are a beauty queen but she's beautiful, too."

"That's one of the reasons we had so many issues when she was a teenager," Evelyn admitted. "She punched a guy at school because he called me hot one time. She got suspended."

"Damn," said Tegan as she chewed a cherry tomato.

"She didn't let me go to any school event after that. She was fourteen. She barely let me go to parent-teacher meetings. I had to look very formal. She usually chose my attire. She didn't want people to think she was adopted." Tegan just felt bad for the younger Sara she did not know. What if one of her daughters got that self-doubt that she and Sara both shared as teens? Most teens had to deal with that awkward stage but Sara's state seemed extreme. Tegan also wondered why therapy wasn't an option for Sara or her mother. They both seemed to abhor the idea of it and never even pondered solving their issues and arguments till now.

"Sara looks like my sister. She also looks like me. Her eyes do. She doesn't have green eyes, but we share the same eye shape. She thinks she looks like her dad. Only her nose does, actually. I don't know where she got that idea from. Her dad was a handsome man, anyway," rambled Evelyn as Tegan thought. "Have you seen a picture of him?"

"No," Tegan whispered.

She was also getting dizzy. She had been standing for too long and she wasn't used to it. She looked at the chair and walked to it slowly.

"Are you okay?" Tegan nodded. "Tegan?"

"The room is spinning. I feel like I'm running out of oxygen."

"Lord," exclaimed Evelyn. "Let me call Sara," she said and hurriedly left the room. The kitchen was too hot for her and she needed to change her place but she knew if she stood she would faint.

Seconds later Sara was there panicking as if it was her job. She knelt down and touched her face, screaming words of fear and love. Evelyn handed her daughter a glass of water and she held it against her wife's lips.

Standing in the back, Evelyn witnessed a showcase of pure passion and honest concern. In those few seconds Sara had managed to almost break down in tears and panic as she tried to know if her wife was alright. She touched her face and helped her drink water. She kissed her lips and forehead many times, she spoke sweet words of love that her mother hadn't ever heard spoken to her.

"Don't scare me like this again," Sara whispered with a kiss. "I almost lost it," she said with her raspy broken voice. "I love you," she mumbled with another kiss. "I'm so scared."

"I'm fine." Grinned Tegan, delighted with the affection she received. "I think it's low blood pressure."

"It definitely is," Sara said staring into her lover's tired eyes. "God, your iron levels are low again."

"I'm fine," Tegan said. "I guess I'm a wimp." She snorted.

"Anemia can be serious," added Evelyn. "You should not underestimate it. Sara had many issues with her anemia." Sara nodded as she pressed her lips together.

"She knows, mum," Sara whispered. "We're taking care of it. She takes supplements and even shots. It's just that her body's very weak."

Evelyn nodded and turned around to resume the cooking. Tegan glared at her wife who shrugged and kissed her again.

"The kids, Sara," whispered Tegan. "Why did you leave them alone?"

"They're in their chairs. Don't worry. Let me get you to bed. You should rest."

"I'm fine. It's just the kitchen is too hot." The windows were all closed and Evelyn felt bad because she was the one who had closed them since she felt cold easily.

"It's okay. Let's go."

"I'll make you something refreshing to drink," offered her mother-in-law. "Is this fine, Sara? Can I use your vegetables and fruits?"

"Of course, Mother. I'll be right back."

Upon asking, Sara brought the two babies to Tegan as she rested on her back. Sara put them on the mattress with toys they could play with. Rose seemed smarter than her sister. She was able to at least hold a toy for a portion of time while Scarlet just stared at her twin and the toys and made exciting sounds and giggles. It did concern Tegan that Scarlet overall seemed slower in everything. She always needed extra care, extra time, extra attention. She cried more and woke up first and slept last. She was much harder to handle than Rose.

Sara checked on her wife every few minutes. "Mum is done with the food. We're waiting for Stacy."

"She just texted she's not brining Emy. Just her and Ella," Tegan said. Sara assumed that would happen. Stacy was not ready to expose her relationship to the world yet which Sara did not find a good choice because people were bound to discover it soon, but it wasn't Sara's choice to begin with.

"You're just sitting here with them smelling like this, Tegan?" Tegan laughed. "And they're quiet like that enjoying their disgusting diapers?"

"I was thinking about Scarlet. Should we be worried, Sara?"

"What's wrong?" Sara stared at her baby with her thumb in her mouth and her eyes roaming around as she rested on her back. "Is something wrong with her?"

"She's just…not like Rose. So slow and doesn't really play much. She's so attached to me. I have to be there for her to be quiet."

"She's perfectly fine." Sara rolled her eyes. "Twins have different personalities by the way." Sara picked up Scarlet and began to coo and play with her. Scarlet giggled and drooled. "See? She's perfect. You just love Rose more."

"No," Tegan exclaimed defensively. "I love them both equally. Don't say that."

"Admit it. You love Rose more." Sara wiggled her eyebrows.

"Shut up." Giggled Tegan. "They both came out of me and I love both of them, okay?"

"You're a liar, mummy," Sara spoke with a child's voice, waving Scarlet's arm at Tegan. Scarlet was having the time of her life as she was picked up and played with. "You love Rosie more than me but that's fine because the Sara mummy loves me even though I poop too much." Rose was enjoying the situation, too. From her place on the mattress, she moved both her arms and legs wildly and cooed as she stared at Sara and her sister.

"The Sara mummy? Really?" Tegan was laughing hysterically, a hand on her drumming chest. "You're so lame."

"Yes. You're the Tegan mummy and I'm the Sara mummy?"

"You think they'll ever pronounce my name correctly? Ella's five and she still can't pronounce it."

"I'm sure she can. That girl is the devil himself. She just pretends she doesn't know how to pronounce it so we think she's cute."

"You're mean. Ella's not the devil." The laughter was loud and lighthearted. Tegan's eyes were full of tears the more she laughed.

The door was knocked and the laughter ended with long sighs of delight and comfort. Sara walked to the door with Scarlet still in her arms. Her mother stood outside with a glass full of a cold green drink.

"Hey. I prepared this for Tegan. It's a really healthy milkshake."

"Mum, come in," Sara said. "You can give it to her. I have to get the babies changed. They stink." Sara stepped aside, mentally wishing her mother good luck trying to convince Tegan to drink that green smoothie she was so familiar with. She smirked infamously at her wife as she stood behind her mother. Tegan was trying to muffle a laugh while the mother explained the types of vegetables which were harmed in the making, finishing with vanilla ice cream thinking it would give a taste to the milkshake that Tegan was going to pretend she liked.

Sara picked up Rose in one hand and Scarlet with the other and left the room with one last wicked glance. "Sara hates it but it's very healthy. It tastes sweet. I promise. Just give it a try."

Tegan had to obey because she didn't want to make the mother feel bad. Evelyn stared at the spacious room as Tegan took a sip of the semi-bitter drink. She closed her eyes and swallowed the drink immediately. Fuck. She took another sip, giving the drink a chance. She furrowed her brows when she discovered the taste wasn't bad. A third sip reassured her it was one of the best shakes she had, in fact, ever tasted. "Fuck, this is good," she voiced loudly and Evelyn laughed proudly. "Sara's stupid," she said.

"I'm glad you like it." Her proud grin did look a lot like her wife's. Her teeth, however, weren't as misaligned as her wife's.

"Thank you," said Tegan. "I'm sorry the room's such a mess." She looked at Sara's clothes on the mattress. Her underwear was on the floor. Tegan's eyes widened when she saw Evelyn's eyes on it. "That's Sara's not mine," she said quickly.

"I figured. She always threw her underwear on the floor. It's a habit she never changed." Tegan nodded awkwardly. "I am going to excuse myself to the guest bedroom. I hope you're feeling better."

"Thank you, Evelyn."

Tegan scolded her wife about the mess of the room. Sara was never disheveled or disorganized but this one habit of discarding clothing items in every nook and corner was inherent in her genes according to her.

"My mum does it, too. She can't make fun of it."

"Not the point. It was just embarrassing your thong was just in there…your bright orange thong." Sara laughed. "Since when do you have that?"

"Since ever." Sara shrugged. "I like to feel sexy sometimes." She winked at her wife.

Stacy and Ella visited. Emy stayed home. Tegan felt bad for her friend. She wondered how that relationship was going when it was full of secrecy and hiding. She knew too well Emy hated that, but she, too, was hiding from her mother.

Ella followed Tegan everywhere, even when she wanted to feed the infants. She didn't mind it but Ella talked too much and the babies were always fascinated by her. They usually got quiet and giggly when she was around. She always sat in front of them and blabbered some of her nonsense. Whenever they did something slightly strange to her, she called Tegan to make her look.

"Do they know my name?" She was too close to Tegan as she was breastfeeding them. It made her uncomfortable but she didn't want to tell Ella to leave. "When are they gonna talk?"

"They're babies. They know you but not your name. It will take awhile for them to finally talk."

Ella hummed and thought a little. "Why don't you give them tattoos on their forehead?" Ella suggested loudly.

"What?" Tegan asked with a chuckle.

"Like your tattoos." Tegan looked at her arms then back at Ella, who held her right arm and rested her head on it as she watched the babies nurse. "For their names. Put their names on their foreheads so people won't mix them."

"That will look bad, Ella." Ella sighed. "You'll tell them apart when they're just a bit older. Don't worry."

"But how can you tell them apart?" Ella whined.

"I am their mum." Ella groaned in protest. "Why are you not my mum?" Tegan did not have an answer for that. Ella had always just wanted to be around her and with her all the time and the attachment was only growing worse. "Do you love them more than me?"

"Ella, I love you so much. You are my little friend and you have a great mother."

"But do you love them more than me?" Ella's tears began to make an appearance.

"Come here, El." Tegan wrapped the same arm Ella had rested on around the child. She leaned in to kiss her head. "I love you to the moon and back. Give me a kiss." She lowered her face and Ella kissed her cheek. "I love all of you three equally."

It was a hard question for her. She loved Ella dearly but did she love her daughters more than Ella? The common, simple answer would be a yes. But, to her, it was complicated. She loved her daughters too much but Ella was just like them to her. She couldn't imagine her life without her. She couldn't imagine something happening to this child.

"Is she bothering you?" Stacy said as she stood at the door of the nursery. "Ella, sit farther away, please. Can't you see she's feeding the babies?"

Ella's immediate scowl encouraged Tegan to defend the child, "No. She's a good girl." Tegan smiled at Ella.

"May I come in?" Stacy asked.

"Of course," Tegan whispered.

Stacy seemed careful enough not invade the younger woman's privacy. Tegan was sitting on the couch with Ella so Stacy sat on the rocking chair.

"Umm…how did you tell your mother about Sara?" the nurse asked.

"I didn't," whispered Tegan. "Jeremy did. She just called yelling at me like a crazy b…" She looked at Ella and stopped herself from cursing.

Stacy nodded. "I don't know what to do. I know that my mother is open-minded but would she accept the fact that I'm with a woman at this age after a lifetime of dating men? And someone thirteen years younger than me?"

"I don't think your mother should have a saying. You're old enough to make your own decisions. I know you seek acceptance but her opinion should not affect you especially that you don't live with her."

Stacy nodded with another careworn sigh. "My other issue is not only Emily's parents but…" She gestured at Ella. Tegan looked at the child confoundedly then back at the mother. "Um…the…" Ella was too focused not to notice. "Hey, El, can you grab your jacket? We're going home, honey."

"Noooo," Ella screamed. "No."

"Baby, we're going home. Emy is alone and she misses us."

"I wanna be here with the babies."

"We'll come again tomorrow," Stacy lied, or that's what Tegan hoped. "Go get your jacket. Tell Sara to give it to you."

"Ugh." She stood up grumpily and walked towards the door with a pout, arms folded against her chest, and loud steps making her hair bounce back with her.

"Wow. Ms. Attitude," Tegan commented.

"She's becoming a little bitch." Stacy stood up. "Anyway, I was just trying to say that if her father knew, he wouldn't like it. He can't take the custody from me, but I don't want to hear any action from him."

"Does she see him or, like, talk to him?" Stacy tsked. "Seriously?"

"She doesn't even ask me about him."

"He doesn't even check?"

"No," Stacy whispered. "I don't like to talk about this. It hurts me. I'll see you later."

"I'm sorry," Tegan whispered.

"It's fine. Goodnight." The nurse rigidly walked to the door. Tegan didn't want to upset her, but she seemed as if she was just angry over many other reasons.

Sara and her mother spent the rest of the evening in the living room upstairs, both nursing a glass of red wine as Evelyn flipped through an old album full of pictures. Tegan joined them when the twins fell asleep. She didn't expect to see her mother-in-low in her pajamas and glasses. She sat next to Sara, giggling and pointing at each picture.

"Most of them are with Sara on my lap."

"She never got up," Tegan teased. "You were so attached."

"Mum, Tegan has a huge picture in her bedroom with her sucking her thumb on her mum's lap." Tegan laughed when she remembered the picture.

"Don't try to compete, Sara," Evelyn said. "Take a look at this one," she said to Tegan. "Do you notice anything?"

At first Tegan only saw a picture of Sara in a white dress and a red hat sitting with a scowl and teary eyes. Taking a second look she burst in laughter. "She's not wearing any underwear." Sara blushed but only shrugged as a response. "So cute."

"My pussy?" Sara asked.

"Sara," scolded her wife. Evelyn seemed a bit uncomfortable with Sara's remark. She did not say anything, but her ears, much like Sara's, spoke thousands of bashful sentences. "You're a kid here. Please don't be inappropriate and gross. I was talking about your scowl, in fact." Sara still smirked and Evelyn remained silent.

"Ahh. Look at this. You were pregnant in here. Oh my God, how did I not see it? It's so obvious," Sara said at a picture of her mother and herself when she was fourteen. Her mother had an obvious baby bump that Sara somehow had missed.

"I honestly don't know, babe," Evelyn said.

"Wow, Evelyn. You're honestly gorgeous." Tegan studied the picture. Her wife looked so young and so angry. Her hair was so long and her clothes were baggy and unattractive. "Sara, why was your hair so long?"

"I was a mess," Sara said. "No wonder you were ashamed of me."

"I was never ashamed of you," said Mother. "I just wanted you to, you know, show how beautiful you are. I didn't know how to raise a teenager. I was a bad mother."

Sara sighed. What if she became her mother when she raised her daughters?

"Did it bother you?" Sara asked. "Umm…not being able to have another child?"

Evelyn shrugged, still staring at the picture. "It made me feel like something was wrong with me," she whispered. "When you told me about your fertility issues I blamed myself because it was clearly inherited."

"That's why you suggested IVF?" Tegan didn't know it was Evelyn who suggested it. Sara's sunny eyes did really look green next to her mother's. It's like they owned the same pair of eyes. Their eyelashes were wet with tears not yet running out. They had the same skin tone and both of them had the same laugh lines.

"It was the common option. My problem was not that I couldn't conceive. I got pregnant easily. The miscarriages were my issue. I don't get why I kept having them."

Tegan wanted to avoid talking about that topic. She hated it. She was glad she didn't have to deal with it anymore. It was a dark time she was trying to avoid. She got out of it and didn't want to be reminded of it.

"Especially the last one." Pointed Evelyn at the picture. "This one completely destroyed me."

"You really changed after it. You were always so angry. Always picked up fights with me or dad."

"Your father pretty much stopped sleeping with me after this one." Sara blinked with tearful lids. "He asked me not to get dressed in front of him as well. He didn't want to see my naked body."

"Fuck him," Sara said. "Why did you stay?"

"I don't know." The answer was quick and loud. "I don't even know. I just couldn't leave. When you left home I took your room."

"I know." When she visited one time, she could tell her room belonged to her mother. Her mother had lied about it, but Sara remembered pretty well seeing every item that did not belong to her. "He was a terrible man and you were terrible for staying with him, Mother," Sara said without thinking of her words.

"Sara," Tegan whispered.

Sara wiped her tears. "You deserve better." Evelyn nodded.

They continued flipping through though the pages of the album until Evelyn excused herself to the bathroom.

"Wow! Your mum in her pajamas! So fascinating," Tegan said.

"You really have a crush on her."

Tegan snorted. "I have a crush on her in this picture." She pointed at a picture of Evelyn holding toddler Sara in her arms. "So sexy."

"Me or her?" Sara snorted.

"She was so young in here. Probably 20 since I look two." Sara flipped the page. "Okay, wow." The picture was one of Sara being breastfed on her mother's lap.

"Fuck, that's wrong." Tegan laughed loudly. "You looked so old. Oh my God. Why are you glaring at the camera? Why are you holding her boobs like this? So scared they'd run away." Sara flipped the page immediately and Tegan continued cackling loudly. "That was pretty fucked up, Sara."

"I have a feeling you'll end up like her."

"No," Tegan shouted. "I love them but I'm not gonna do that."

"I read that some mothers find it hard to wean their babies because their excuse is that they love them too much to do it." Sara raised one eyebrow as her lips wickedly moved to one side.

"Shut up. No." Tegan laughed. "That's disturbing."

Evelyn joined them again. She removed her glasses and rubbed her face then yawned.

"You're sleepy, mum," Sara remarked. "You should go to bed."

"Yeah. I just wanna talk to you about this thing."

"Should I leave?" Tegan asked. "I'm leaving." She stood up.

"It's fine. Stay."

Sara stared at her mother with puzzlement clouding her features. Her faint smiled studied her mother's discomfort. "What is it?"

"Remember when I called you awhile ago about my excessive bleeding?"

"Yeah?" Sara began rocking her legs and her mother had already been doing the same thing since she sat. It bothered Tegan too much and she wanted to stop both of them. "Is it back? You said you went to the doctor."

"Umm, no. I had to get a hysterectomy."

"What?" both women shouted.

A hand was instantly put on Sara's shoulder by her mother. "I didn't want to tell you about it because you got really emotional and frantic on the phone when I told you about the bleeding so I just lied and said it was normal."

"Mum, why didn't you say?" Sara's voice was too loud and Tegan didn't want the babies to wake up. "Are you sick?"

"I am not," Evelyn said. "And I was not. It was recommended I get it recalling the history of cancer we have in the family. Don't worry about me. I wanted to tell you now because I don't ever want you to worry if you found out from anyone."

"Anyone like who?" Sara asked. "Wait, Stacy knows?"

"Nobody knows except me and Tara. She might tell her daughter so I told you first."

"How do you feel?" Sara asked. Her eyes were wide, glassy, hurt, scared.

"I am a lot better, actually. I feel good. I was not good before removing my uterus. It bothered me how heavy those periods were and I wanted them to end."

"Mum, please tell me when something like this happens in your life. I can't live like this worrying about you all the time." Evelyn smiled. "It's not funny."

"I didn't know you'd really worry."

"Of course I would, mother." Sara huffed. "I love you, okay?"

"That's nice to hear from you," Evelyn said. "I love you, too." Sara hesitated before doing it, but she threw herself at her mother, embracing her tightly. "Whoa." Tegan giggled at Evelyn's shocked reaction. "I have missed this."

"Me, too," Sara said with a sniffle. "Thank you for accepting me."

"Thank you for giving me another chance."

Tegan wanted to leave them alone sharing their moment. She went to her bedroom and rested a bit in front of a muted screen. It didn't take long for Sara to follow and for them to share a warm embrace.

"I was thinking," Tegan whispered with an intentional rasp in her voice.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe we should baptize the girls since you mum's here. We can call Adam, and Stacy's here."

"Okay, whoa." Sara left the embrace to check if her wife had a fever. Tegan giggled. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

"My mum seriously charmed the fuck out of you that you want to baptize our girls after picking a fight with your mum because you didn't want it?"

"I didn't say I didn't want it. I just didn't want her to make me do it." Sara nodded, finally getting the stubbornness method her wife followed. She just didn't do what people wanted her to do for the fun of it even if she wanted to do it.

"Don't you think we're betraying your mum this way? She'd want to be here."

"I'll call her and ask if she can visit."

"But mum is leaving in three days and Adam might not be able to come here. I mean, I don't know anything about the Church but don't you think we actually have to go to one and talk to a priest or something?"

Tegan shrugged. "I don't know. Ask your mum. She probably knows everything."

"Imagine if I had that beauty? I'd be so powerful," Sara contemplated loudly. "I'd make people do what I wanted just by existing like she did to you." Sara tsked a couple of times. "You wanna empress her with your clothes, you invited her over, you drank her disgusting milkshake and loved it somehow, and now you want to baptize the girls when you claim you're an atheist." Sara laughed. "It's all because she's just breathtakingly gorgeous you can't say no to her."

Tegan didn't laugh. In fact, she felt bad that Sara felt this way about herself. She was reminded again by Evelyn's words in the morning.

There was a smile, an unsure one. "You wowed and made me do whatever you wanted, didn't you?" Tegan, eventually, said.

Sara chuckled. She was getting dressed, careful enough not to throw her clothes on the floor after Tegan's reproach earlier that day. "I'll see what I can do about it. I do wanna baptize the kids but it might need some time. I'll ask tomorrow."

Sara was in her underwear, completely braless and very pale. Tegan pondered whether she should take any action but she had to act quickly, so on impulse she pulled Sara and pushed her on the mattress, quickly straddling her.

The screech was silenced with a kiss but the shivers were loud, morphing into delicate goosebumps. "Are you horny?" Tegan asked. "I wanna fuck you," she said.

"Really?" Sara looked up at her wife in confusion. "Are you…ready?"

"Not exactly. I just wanna fuck your pussy." The vulgar words quieted the doubts in Sara's head and turned on the hushed fire in her heart.

Tegan didn't waste any time. She pushed down the underwear and spread her wife's legs. She took a deep breath and inhaled the scent, making her wife explode in red. "I missed this cunt so much." She kissed it, making the little clit jump. "This little beauty, too." She licked the clit and traced the shaved lips with her tongue. "How soft. It's like you knew."

Sara nodded despite not focusing on a word her wife was saying. Her arousal was vivid and vibrant. The fluids were thick and heady. She wanted a finger inside. She had wanted it from the night before but she had to settle on masturbation with a dildo. It was just not the same. Tegan did it much better even with just a finger.

"Do it please," she begged.

Tegan took her left nipple inside instead. She sucked and rubbed the other.

"Please," Sara pleaded. "Tee…" She wheezed with closed eyes, only opening them when her lips were kissed.

They shared an intense gaze when Tegan hovered above her. Two hazels falling in love with another again and again as if it was their first time. They both smiled as Tegan's fingers were enjoying the wetness of her wife's entrance. But Sara was lost in a daze of passion she could not feel the fingers there until Tegan pushed two inside at once and immediately cupped her wife's lips to restrict any noise. Sara's eyes closed and Tegan's shifted down to enjoy her fingers fucking her wife's cunt. She pleasured her clit with her thumb to increase the nirvana. She pulled her nipples every few seconds to tease her approaching orgasm.

It didn't take Sara too long to come and when she did, Tegan made her taste herself, fingering her mouth the same way she had fingered her pussy. They shared one last passionate kiss before Sara excused herself to the bathroom, leaving the door open for Tegan to join after regaining her strength. They washed up and brushed their teeth.

"They're so gonna wake up now," Tegan said.

"I can't think of anything other than how awesome that was and how much I missed and needed it."

"It's been so long," Tegan said, yawning. "I forgot how nice it was inside of you."

"I forgot how nice it felt when you fucked me," Sara said. "What made you do it?"

"I craved you," Tegan simply answered.

"Do you want it to be done to you?"

"No." Tegan smiled. "Not yet."

"Okay." Sara switched off her lamp and closed her eyes.

"Sara, my Sara," Tegan said. Sara hummed with her hand reaching for her wife's. They held each other's hands. "You are the love of my life."

"You're so cheesy." Sara giggled. "But you are the love of my life, too."

"You are the most beautiful woman out there, Sara."

"Shame on you saying this with my mum sleeping in the next room."

"Well, you are to me." Sara felt a kiss on her temple. Though she knew Tegan was trying her best to boost herself esteem and assure her that she was as beautiful as her mother, Sara still took all of it and rejoiced it. It was endearing that her wife was trying to make her see her beauty. Sara appreciated it.

"You know, Tegan, honesty, when I say this I'm not lying, but when my eyes fell on you in that bar for the first time I couldn't help but think that I had found the most beautiful woman on earth. I remember writing it in that notebook." Tegan smiled to herself because she remembered reading it. "And you still are to me."