Aftermath
Lea goes to Shaun after Vera is loaded into the ambulance. This follows at least the first week of this new step in their relationship
Lea is not sure how long Shaun and her stood there in the street kissing. They were kissing each other with all the built up emotions they both had been holding in. Lea had never felt like this before with anyone else she had ever dated or even slept with. With Shaun, it felt like she belonged in his arms and that kissing him like this was the most natural thing in the world. She thought back to the first time they had kissed, and remembered feeling sparks between them, but she had at the moment felt it was just because they were both drunk and it was Shaun's first kiss. But now in this moment, she realized that spark was there and the incredible feeling of it just kept building up until she felt like she would sponatenously combust. She just knew she didn't want this kiss to end.
The firefighter who originally had tried to convince Lea to leave after the last aftershock and the walkie went dead, broke the two of them out of the moment they were sharing, to offer them a ride back to the hospital in the last ambulance that was leaving. Shaun thanked him as he took Lea's hand in his and led them to the ambulance. On the way to the hospital, they just sat there in silence holding each other's hands. Lea felt like she was vibrating, she thought maybe the adrenaline from the fear of Shaun being dead was starting to hit but then she realized it wasn't coming from her, it was coming from him. She cautiously looked up and Shaun and saw that he looked incredibly calm and deep in thought but he was shivering. Then she moved her hand up his arm to hold him and realized his clothes were still wet, no wonder he was shivering. She just curled into him the best she could, she wasn't sure how Shaun felt about what she was doing but then she felt his arm come around her shoulders and pull her in closer. That was how they stayed until the made it back to the hospital.
They walked into the hospital hand in hand to what could only be described as utter chaos. Shaun got someones attention and asked that both him and Lea be checked over, mostly her, but he knew her well enough she would fight him if he didn't agree as well. They both sat on ER beds that were near each other. Lea noticed that as she was being checked over, that Shaun kept looking at her like she was going to disappear, once he was done and had been cleared he walked over to her and stood there and took her hand. Even after her declaration of her love and stupidity he still felt incredibly confused. Nothing about him had changed, he was still the same person he was, when she had rejected him over a week ago. He tried to push it aside for the moment, and just take calm in her just finally being in his presence after they had both been avoiding the other, especially after he showed up at her apartment drunk with a bat.
Once Lea was cleared, she told Shaun she needed to go up to her office to get the change of clothes she had, and take a quick shower. She needed to get all the dirt that was caked on off. He agreed, and walked with her to her office, once they reached there, he released her hand and was going to walk away to get himself cleaned and into dry clothes when he felt Lea, grab ahold of his hand again even tighter, asking him where he was going. He reassured he was going to do the same thing she was going to do and asked her to meet him outside the residents locker room because he knew he would most likely take longer to get read to leave then she would. She looked into his eyes and said ok, I will see you soon. Once they parted, and Shaun made his way to the residents locker room, he was now thankful he had asked her to meet him, because in the locker room, he found Claire on the floor practically curled up. He carefully walked over and sat down beside her, trying to give her the comfort she clearly needed from the distant look in her eyes. After a few minutes, Claire broke the silence to tell Shaun that Melendez had died, and while crying she told him what happened. Claire then thanked him for sitting with her and got up grabbed her bag to get meet Lim for a drink.
Shaun then stood up himself, grabbed his things and proceeded to take his shower. Once he was done he packed his backpack to go home for the night, and stepped out into the hallway to find Lea waiting for him. She took one look at him and knew something was wrong, something in him had changed in the half an hour they were apart. She took every once of strength she had to push the fear of his answer away and asked what was wrong. He simply looked at her and said that Dr. Melendez had died from injuries that weren't found until too late. Lea hugged him for a moment until she felt him break away and take her hand. They kept walking in silence until they had ran into Glassman, as they were trying to leave. Very hestiantly Lea looked Glassman in the eyes, he met them for a moment, and she was sure she saw not only relief but disappointment in his eyes at what he saw before him. Then Glassman told the both of them that because of everything that happened they both had the next week off. The pair thanked him and continuted to left the hosptial.
As soon as they were outside, everything that happened that night caught up to Lea she just grabbed ahold of Shaun and started crying telling him over and over again how sorry she was. How afraid she was of giving into how she felt about him that and that she would ruin their relationship and that she would lose him forever. That after she heard everything he had said to Vera, and how adamently he refused to leave his patient, even after Lea begged him to get out of there, that she remembered how amazing a man he was, and how she remembered what she once told him, "If you constantly live in fear, you'll never find happiness" and that she knew that they only time she was every truly happy with her life was when she was with him and didn't want to be afraid anymore. That no matter, what might happen, they deserved the chance to see what could happen between them as a couple. Then she looked into his eyes again and kissed him again with all she had, and she felt his arms come around her, pull her closer to him and just kissed her back with all the love he felt.
After what felt like a lifetime, they broke apart and Lea used to her phone to order an uber to take them both home. Shaun lived closer so they reached his apartment first, he started to get out realized she wasn't following him and he hesitantly looked at her, and she told him that they both needed to get some sleep and she would call him later once she woke up. That they would talk about everything. He nodded his head, kissed her again, and left the car and went into his apartment building.
Lea just sat in the car as she was driven away with a smile on her face, and her fingers at her lips as she realized she already missed the fell of his lips on hers. Lea isn't sure how long she slept but she woke up to the sound of her phone ringing, she grabbed the phone and saw it was Shaun, with another smile she answered, and he asked if it was ok if he came over, they could order food and talk like she said they would. She lived in a very small studio apartment and asked him if she could instead come over to his place, that she would stop and pick up dinner, after she got her car. He agreed and said he would see her soon, and that he loved her, which she very happily repeated back to him.
An hour later...
Lea arrived at Shaun's and knocked on his door, after a moment he opened the door with one of his classic smiles and let her in. She gave him a quick kiss and then set the food down on the dining table. Shaun went and got plates and utensils for them, and sat down across from Lea who had gotten them each a glass of water. They both put on their plates what they each wanted to eat and simply started to eat just enjoying the moment that they were together after so long apart.
After awhile, Shaun broke the silence they were in.
"I am very sorry about that night at your apartment. I was very mad, drunk and I did not mean the horrible things that I said" Shaun tearily said to Lea.
Lea put down her fork and looked at Shaun, "You really scared me that night, I had never seen you like that before, I understand the anger, I hurt you, after you left I realized that I had really fucked up everything so badly and that I had hurt you more than when I had moved to Hershey. But, Shaun, those thoughts had to have come from somewhere. And I'm still trying to figure out how the anger left to you wanting to destroy my car."
"Claire and I had treated a patient that day who had been dating two women and they found out. She had stormed out of his room and like 5 minutes later, his phone rang, and it was the other woman who said that the other was taking a baseball bat to his porsche. He loved that car more than anything or anyone, and Claire and I had to chase him because he took off running to the parking lot. By the time we had gotten there she had already smashed the windshield, broke off a mirror and kept slamming the bat against the car. Then she smashed the rear window and sliced her hand open. Claire took the patient back up to his room, while I tended to her hand. I asked her why she did it, and she told me that she knew how much he loved the car and that it was the only way he could think of to hurt him in return. That you can't control the feelings you have, but you can control what you do with those feelings. I thought about what she had said all day, everyone could tell how lost in thought I was, and kept trying to cheer me up by saying all these different things about you and that the only way I would be able to move on was to end things on my terms. I ended up at the bar that night, started taking tequila shots, and after I worked up the nerve to flirt with someone in the bar, they asked me if I really felt that or if it was something someone told me to say."
Lea closed her eyes at this, and tried to calm her breathing. As thought of Shaun flirting with a random woman, to be honest, like she would have done and had done in the past, only for him to get rejected, again, and all the anger he must of have felt again, that he was trying to forget.
"Next thing I knew, I was standing by your car, you found me, and I just couldn't do it, as much as I hated you in that moment, I couldn't destroy your car, I knew how much it meant to you. So intead, my anger came out in words. You just stood there, not saying a thing, and right before I walked away, I knew it was over, you didn't fight me back, so I walked away. Then the earthquake happened, and Dr. Glassman told you had been there and hadn't been found yet, and all the hurt and anger just went away and I focused on making sure you were safe." Shaun said with tears running down his face.
Lea, stood up from her seat, and Shaun panicked that he driven her away again and she was going to leave. Lea saw what flashed through his face and shook her head and she walked around to sit beside him. She took both his hands that were now fidgeting in his lap and got him to glance at her.
"We both said things that neither of us really meant. You weren't wrong when you said I can't keep a boyfriend, that is why I told you no, because I knew my track record, and when it comes to you, it would never be something just casual because you mean more than that. I didn't want to hurt you, but after that night I realized I had, and started thinking about everything you said and started to realize that I was wrong. I focused only on the bad parts of each other instead of all the good we are and how good it has always been between us." Lea swallowed and continued" when at the brewery, when I was told that you had ignored orders to go and try to find me, my heart dropped because I knew that you could die. Then once the walkie went dead from being submerged underwater, I just started yelling your name over and over again. I stood outside on the street for I have no idea how long, thinking to myself over and over, all the things I would never get to say to you, that I had lost the chance to make things right between us, and that you died thinking I thought so little of you because of your autism. I promise Shaun it's not that, your ASD is a part of who you are, that makes you the man I despite how much I tried, I fell in love with because no matter what you were always there for me, being what I never knew I needed."
This calmed down Shaun quite a bit who just looked at Lea with all the love he had tried to tell himself wasn't there. Lea knew she needed to ask Shaun about what had really happened between him and Carly but she really didn't want too. So she took a deep breath and just asked him.
"Shaun, so we can move forward, please tell me what happened between you and Carly. All I had known until Claire confronted me, was that Carly broke up with you because it was too hard to be in a relationship with you. Please, tell me."
"I was never able to be completely comfortable around Carly, all I ever thought about when I was with her, was was I doing the right thing, was I saying the right thing. Then I invited you to go to Wyoming with me because I thought I knew how hard it was going to be, and I knew I needed you with me because with you I feel comfortable with, that you knew me, you knew what to say, how to say, when to say it and when to give me space. I needed to not to be able to not think. Then after my father died, and I had that meltdown, you came into my room, held me, got me to calm down and you just stayed there and held me. The next morning I was so confused about what happened because I knew I had never been able to do that with Carly."
"But the two of you had sex, and from what you would tell me, it seemed to be the only thing you guys seemed to do. You guys never held each other afterwards?" Lea forced herself to ask.
"No, after I would move to other side of the bed and go to sleep or we would go back to work. Carly didn't seem to care about how I felt about things at work and was always forcing me into empty rooms to have sex with me."
Lea all of a sudden felt like she wanted to go punch a certain person, but Shaun continued the conversation.
"When we got back from Wyoming, I know you told me not to tell anyone about what had happened, but Carly was so mad at me when she found out I helped you get a job at the hospital and that in her eyes, I was having lunch with you behind her back. She said there was so many things she felt I was keeping secret from her about you. That she didn't want you working at the hospital because she felt you were hovering over our relationship and then when I told her for I don't how many times before, that you were my bestfriend. The first friend I had ever made and how I hadn't felt like that with anyone since my brother died, that made her even angrier because, now she knew that you knew about my childhood than she did because I never talked about my parents or my brother. She told me that I wanted to continue being wit her, that I had to tell you to move out and limit the time we were near each other. I didn't want to, but you had made it so clear that we would only ever be friends, that I gave into what she wanted because I wanted to make her happy. But no matter how I tried it was never enough. Then you saw us at the karaoke bar, then joined us with your date, and the next night, she broke up with me, saying that after seeing us singing together, that there was something between us that she couldn't ignore anymore. That it may not be clear to me but it was clear to her that I was in love with you. Then she just told me I needed to stop being afraid and be honest with you about how I really felt. A few days later, I tried to talk to you so many times but I was so scared of your reaction. I even told Dr. Glassman that if I told you how I felt and you didn't feel the same then we could no longer be friends and he asked me what if you said you felt the same? Because it was apparently obvious to everyone that we did love each other. He told me the same thing she did, that I had to tell you and then deal with it afterwards. I don't think he thought you would react the way you did."
Lea looked down ashamed of herself.
"The day after you said we could never be together because I was autistic, I went so Dr. Glassman and had a meltdown. I told him I needed to leave and go back to Wyoming, because I felt that no one would ever want me and that everyone would leave me in the end. That it would better if I moved back to Wyoming where I knew I had no one and could go back to being alone." Shaun started crying. "He yelled at me and told me to never say that about myself again and that I was wrong and going to Wyoming would only make things worse for me."
At this point both Shaun and Lea were crying. For Shaun it was all the pent up emotions he had forced himself to keep to himself and for Lea it was because now she really understood how much she had truly messed everything up and that if it hadn't been for the earthquake she still would have lost her chance because he was giving up and was going to leave. Now she really understood what Claire had said to her about what was going on with Shaun.
Lea leaned forward and held onto Shaun, "Please don't go, don't go anywhere unless we are together, I love you with everything I am and I don't want to live my life without you. So please, please tell me you won't go and that you are in this with me together." She both her hands on his face "It may not be easy and we may fight because we have before, but we will work through anything that might happen together."
"That's all I've ever wanted" with that said, Shaun leaned forward captured her lips with hers and just gave it all he had. The kiss turned deeper with Lea holding onto him for dear life, but once they both needed to breathe, she tried to continue the kiss but Shaun stopped her and said that for right now, he didn't want to go further. He wanted to do this right with her, take their time to get to know each other on this new level. She smiled and said she understood and asked him if they could sit on the couch and watch a movie. They both sat down on the couch and turned on a movie. Shaun kept moving closer and closer to Lea not wanting so much distance, because he wanted to be near her, in fact he wanted to hold her but wasn't sure what she would want. So he asked her.
"Would you be ok if we cuddled?" Surprised Lea told him of course. He lifted his arm and Lea snuggled right into him and that was how they stayed for the movie. Once it was over, he realized she had fallen asleep. He knew she was a deep sleeper, so he gently disentangled himself from her, laid her down on the couch, covered her with the blanket, turned everything off and went to bed feeling happier than he had been in awhile. The image of the two of them cuddling together, brought Shaun so much peace, he fell asleep quickly.
The next morning, Lea was woken by the smell of pancakes being made. She stretched as woke and realized she was still on his couch. She got up, meandered into the kitchen area, kissed Shaun good morning, and asked if she had really slept on his couch all night. He told her she was sleeping so peacefully he didn't have the heart to wake her up and just left her sleep.
The next few days just seemed to pass by in a blur. Either Shaun would go over to her apartment or Lea would go this apartment and they would spend day eating, watching tv, talking about anything and everything, and even just go for walks to they weren't inside all the time. By the third day, their little bubble had been burst, when Shaun got a call from Dr. Glassman that Melendez's funeral would in two days and him and Claire were given a few extras off, to prepare themselves to come back to work. Even though Lea hadn't know Melendez very well, she went with Shaun to the funeral because she knew she needed to be there with her boyfriend as he had grown close to the late doctor over the past three years. The weekend passed by in a blur because Lea had to get ready to go back to work, while Shaun made plans with Claire to go to dinner one night. They each needed a friend who understood before they had to go back to the hospital without Melendez.
On the second day back to work for Lea, she was starting to get worried because she hadn't heard from Shaun since he left to meet up with Claire. This past week they hadn't gone a day without seeing or talking to each other and Lea was starting to desperately miss Shaun, the peace she felt when she was with him, was everything, but as they continued to be with each other this past week. Her want for him, for them to come together as one was starting to build and she was using all of her self control to let Shaun take the lead. So at night alone in her bed, she would dream about about their first time. What it would be like, awkward? amazing? She knew them just being together in that moment would be perfect. Little did she known Shaun had been thinking the same things, he knew he had told her he wanted to take things slow but after a week, he was starting to get worried that maybe she didn't want to take that step or he was afraid he would disappoint her like he had Carly. He wanted their first time to be perfect, but he didn't want to rush her.