PS:IAWL Presents Mrs. Griffin Steals the Show
(The camera pans through the door of The Other Meg's office who's busy playing with a ball in a cup.)
"Well shit my brother was right these things are frickin awesome!" She declares trying to get the ball in the cup but missing, "Damn." She tries again and still misses, "Damnit!" She tries one more time and misses again, "Okay fuck this." She groans tossing the ball in a cup and lands perfectly straight up with the ball landing inside, "Of course it would…" She sighs.
(Meg reaches into her desk and grabs the remote from the drawer and points it at a TV on the bookshelf and the screen turns white and the camera zooms in then zooms out showing the white alarm clock going off in Lois's room.)
"Ugh…" Groans Lois stretching her arms and she suddenly looks down seeing a sticky note. Reading it she screams in joy.
(Lois grabs her phone and calls Bonnie who's sunbathing by her new pool Susie bought her and Joe.)
"Hey Lois what's up?" Asks Bonnie answering the phone.
"Today's the day Bon!" Shouts Lois happily.
"Today's what day again?" Asks Bonnie slightly confused.
"Our new positions at Create Your Chique are available!" Lois says excitement flowing through her voice.
"Oh…that's nice." Replies Bonnie.
"Right?! I'm going to go call Donna and let her know." Lois says excitedly hanging up as Bonnie lays back down.
(Donna's busy trying to kill the gophers in her garden when her phone goes off.)
"Talk to me." Answers Donna sliding the phone under her chin and gripping her hammer in her hands.
"It finally happened!" Shouts Lois happily.
"Peter finally applied for that baldness reduction kit?" Asks Donna.
What? No, we got the jobs at Create Your Chique girl!" Lois says happily
Donna mutes her phone, "Fuuuuck, I thought that shit was just wine talk."
"You there Donna?" Asks Lois.
Donna unmutes her phone, "Yeah just didn't want you to hear my excited screaming that's all.
"I feel the same way! Well I'll talk to you later, don't forget we start at 2:30 this afternoon." Says Lois hanging up.
"How'd I go from my husband having his own show to white chicks running my life?!" Donna says angrily, hitting the gopher that pops up on the head.
Later before Lois leaves.
"Now Peter I need to go back up and clean the attic today." Says Lois to Peter.
"I can't go back up there. That spider I killed the other day Goodfellas style was a made spider. I go back up there I'm a dead man they made that very clear." Replies Peter nervously.
"Don't be silly you'll be fine just use this broom cuz they're more scared of you than you are of them now get up there." Lois says giving Peter a broom she opens the attic and pushes him towards it then she turns her back as a spider arm grabs the broom handle and pulls Peter in slamming the attic shut she turns back around, "You say something Peter?
"No he's fine, we're more scared of him than he is of us." Replies A Voice.
"That's good to hear." Says walking towards the door.
"Lois they're lying I am not fine I am the furthest thing from fine HELP ME!" Peter screams.
Later when Lois gets to Create Your Chique.
(Lois is sitting in her car admiring the building.)
"Such a big moment ahhh I can't wait!" Lois to herself when she sees Bonnie and Donna walk up, "Hey are y'all ready for this?"
"She is way too excited for this…" Slurs Donna slightly.
"A-are you drunk?" Asks Lois.
"Listen if we're going to commit to wine plans." Donna begins and takes a flask out of her bra and begins drinking, "Ah, I'm at least gonna drink the whole time till I feel like I made the right decision again.
"She kinda has a point." Chimes in Bonnie.
"Then why aren't you drunk? Asks Lois turning towards her.
"I forgot my flask…." Bonnie says sadly.
"Whatever, let's just go inside." Grumbles Lois.
"Welcome to Create Your Chique, will it be the three of you?" Asks The Man at the desk not even looking up at them.
"No, no we work here." Replies Lois with a smile.
The Man at the desk finally looks up, "Oh..um..we don't really have people your style work here."
"What do you mean people your style?" Asks Donna, narrowing her eyes and sipping her flask again.
"You can't drink that in here…" The Man says trying to not make eye contact with Donna.
"Take it from me you biased twig boy." Replies Donna cockily.
"Bonnie, go help Donna find a seat." Lois says to Bonnie.
(Bonnie walks up to Donna and tries walking with her to the lobby chairs.)
"Please sir look up our names, it's Lois Bonnie and the loud one is Donna." Lois says looking back at them seeing she's now in the seat but is flipping off the guy at the desk, "Heh heh please ignore her. She chuckles nervously.
"You're lucky I found your names but we don't have room for you each to have a chair so you'll be sharing." Says The Man at the desk.
Later at their chair.
"This isn't so bad…." Lois sighs.
"This whole job already sucks." Says Donna laying on the ground.
"I hope you're not too upset…" Says Lois looking at Bonnie.
Bonnie looks up from the new phone Susie got her, "Oh no I checked out mentally since we got here."
"Oh great…" Sighs Lois when she notices a disheveled tomboyish looking girl walk up, "Oh are you our first customer…well only customer today…but either way yay!"
"Oh great I get stuck with the aging redhead who's trying too hard, the drunk who clearly has fake hair and the pretty one who dresses like she lives in a retirement home." Says The Girl.
(Lois bites her lip holding back venomous words.)
"What's your name?" Asks Lois.
"Alice what's it to boomers like you?" Replies Alice Snidely.
"Just friendly chatter." Says Lois losing her patience.
"Well let's not." Says Alice quickly.
"Fine, what type of look are you looking for?" Sighs Lois.
"Something modest, I'm not girly, I hate that stuff I want to touch up my look but I don't want extravagant, just something new." Says Alice.
"I think I can do that. Come take a seat." Replies Lois then nudges Donna and Bonnie to go get some items.
(Lois has Alice sit down in the chair while Donna and Bonnie go get the supplies from the back as Rich Girl by Hall and Oates begins to play.)
You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far,
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway!
(Lois reaches into a cabinet taking out some makeup.)
You can rely on the old man's money!
You can rely on the old man's money!
(Bonnie opens the wardrobe closet seeing an item and she then gives a smile.)
It's a bitch girl but it's gone too far,
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway!
(Donna opens a jewelry box, takes out some things, looks at them, rolls her eyes, shakes her head and walks off with what she grabbed.)
Say money, but it won't get you too far!
Get you too far!
(Bonnie and Donna get back to the chair with Alice still sitting there.)
And don't you know, don't you know!
That it's wrong to take what is given you!
(Donna begins to wash Alice's hair running her hands through it as she does.)
So far gone, on your own!
(Bonnie steps to the side and grabs Alice's hand and begins to to file and trim her nails.)
You could get along if you try to be strong!
(Lois leans over Alice and takes out the light blue eyeshadow and begins to gently apply it to Alice's eyes.)
But you'll never be strong 'cause!
(Donna is still washing Alice's hair as Lois begins applying pink rose blush to her cheeks.)
You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far,
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway!
(Lois begins to apply the lace pink lipstick as begins to one by one painting her nails lavender rose.)
You can rely on the old man's money!
You can rely on the old man's money!
(Donna begins to blow dry Alice's hair and reaches behind her for the can of conditioner but can't quite reach it so she kicks the counter knocking the can into the air and she grabs it and begins spraying Alice's hair.)
It's a bitch girl and it's gone too far,
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway!
(Lois is putting the finishing touches on the light blue mascara as Bonnie finishes the last nail and begins applying the nail polish.)
Say money, but it won't get you too far!
Get you too far!
(Donna finishes drying and brushing Alice's hair Lois then has her stand up and head behind a black curtain next to the chair she then grabs a pair of pink and gold wire frame sunglasses, some perfume and a golden shoulder purse then heads in with her.)
High and dry, out of the rain!
It's so easy to hurt others when you can't feel pain!
(Lois sticks her hands out Bonnie then puts a black lace v-neck knee dress in one and rose gold open high heels in the other.)
And don't you know that a love can't grow,
'Cause there's too much to give, 'cause you'd rather live!
(Lois reaches back out and Donna drops a pair of heart shaped earrings, a diamond necklace and two gold wrist bracelets into one hand Lois motions with the other to see if there's any more and Donna just slaps her hand away causing Lois to flip her off.)
For the thrill of it all, oh!
"Watch your hands old lady!" Says Alice before being pushed back out of the curtain she stumbles forward falling into one of the Male Workers.
"Woah." Says The Worker in awe.
"What?" Says Alice unsure why he's staring at her.
"Y-you're beautiful." The Worker says still flabbergasted by the style and flair of the eye-catching look.
"I want a refund." Alice demands to The Man at the desk.
"For?" Asks The Man at the desk.
"Look at what those three old crones did to me." Alice says, beginning to cry.
"I'm sorry ma'am no refunds your look seems fine." Replies The Man at the desk.
(Alice bursts into tears and rushes out the door.)
"Dumb bitch forgot her wallet, wanna use it to quit and pay for our trip before she notices." Says Donna holding up a pocketbook.
"I think I know what to do with it." Says Lois taking the pocketbook from Donna.
Sometime later.
(Lois is walking back to her car still thinking about what she had done to Alice as Adult Friend Finder by *repeat repeat begins playing.)
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself...
I go off on my own...
(Her phone goes off and she goes to answer it knocking the left behind pocketbook out and onto the ground.)
I don't mean harm if there's no answer...
When you're calling my phone...
(She picks it up and it opens showing a ID of the smiling face of the girl she had so drastically changed to tears.)
It's been so long I barely recognize you
without that cheer...
Yeah having friends as an adult is always
so fucking weird...
"All over a sideways comment..."Sighs Lois, "You're better than that."
The world is yours to figure out...
You fucked around...
You find it out...
(She hears someone sobbing behind her; she then turns around seeing Alice sitting sadly on the bench, the girl's face streaked in tears and beauty product.)
But I'll be here when you're in doubt
again...
"Hey... Alice..." Says Lois walking up to her.
You make mistakes and take a hit!
"What do you want?..."Replies Alice, not even looking back at her.
Don't let the cynics give you shit.
"I-I I'm sorry for what we did to you over what you said it was uncalled for." Lois says giving her back her stuff.
'Cause I'll be here when you need it!
Alice looks up at her smiling slightly; she uses her other hand to brush her eyes sloppily. Lois sits down and says, "I comped your visit by the way."
Again!
"Thank you." Replies Alice warmly.
You found a friend!
"I got fucking fired for it." Sighs Lois.
"Well at least you made a new friend because of it." Replies Alice putting her hand on Lois's shoulder giving her a big smile.