"Why am I here?" Lu-sensei asks of no one in particular.
"You're here," you respond promptly, "because five billion years ago, an interstellar cloud of dust and gas started to collapse-"
ENLIGHTENMENT.
"No, Smart Guy," the old man responds dryly, tucking the Stick away once more while you glare at it and rub your sore head. "I meant why am I - the venerable elder who should not be moving around under the tropical sun, lest he collapse of heatstroke - here - being dragged along on a shopping expedition as a pack mule, when there is a perfectly serviceable young fellow like yourself to do the heavy lifting?"
"Oh, that." You shrug with the indifference of one who is resigned to his fate. "This way, Cordy can buy twice as much without having to carry any of it."
Lu-sensei sighs. "I feared it was so. Truly, my student, you are wiser in the ways of women than I had given you credit for."
"Thank you, sensei. I think."
"Still not too bright, though, if you can see something like this coming and not find a way to get out of it."
Have you mentioned that there are times when you want to strangle the old man? Too bad your arms are occupied with Cordelia's purchases, or you might give it a go.
Briar flitters up out of nowhere. She disappeared about two hours earlier, once it was clear that Cordelia was going into shopping mode. The fairy has some understandable issues about retail, mostly revolving around the fact that nothing is available in her size, and nobody can see her to offer advice. Were it not for those factors, you suspect that Briar would be almost as bad as Cordy. You've been careful never to say so aloud.
"No luck," she says glumly. "There's plenty of ocean spirits in the area, several traces of fire elementals - probably familiars for local or visiting shamans who honor the volcanoes - and a random grab-bag of general magical talents. Nothing specific to Faerie or its denizens. We'd have to go deeper inland, probably explore some of the undeveloped forested areas." She pauses, then smiles. "On the other hand, I don't think I picked up more than three demonic traces the whole time. I'd forgotten how much cleaner everything is when you're not sitting smack on top of a Hellmouth."
"Hmmm," you grunt in agreement.
"So, have you picked out any good sacrifices for the volcano yet?"
"...hnnn?"
"You know, offerings to Din? As in the Goddess of Power, Earth, and Fire? Shaper of Lands and Raiser of Mountains, to whom Death Mountain in particular but all volcanoes in general are sacred? As in, the One Who Chose Ganondorf to be the Bearer of Power? As in the lady whose good side you might want to take the opportunity to get on for once? Don't tell me this never occurred to you, Alex!"
You say nothing. Briar sighs, and you hear a tiny facepalm.
"I'm not sure why I'm even surprised; Ganondorf was never the pious sort, either. Fine, you can get away with it this time, since we're not staying long enough to make a proper trip out to the caldera anyway. But when we come back on the return flight, mister, you'd better have a couple of good offerings on hand or in-mind. One for Din, and one for the local volcano goddess."
You can feel your wallet start to ache.
"And don't think you can buy your way out of this, buster," Briar continues. "Okay, that might work for the local goddess - though you might want to read up on that before you give it a try - but Din much prefers offerings that show you honor her with your strength. Like, a spear that you wrestled away from the Moblin that owned it, or the shell of a Helmasaur you defeated by facing it head-on. That kind of thing."
Your wallet doesn't hurt anymore; instead, the anticipatory pain has shifted to your entire body. Din, you recall, is not precisely a "nice" Goddess - hardly evil, but far more prone to "tough love" than forgiveness and brotherhood. Or sisterhood, as the case may be.
Cordelia spends about four hours shopping, ending "early" in recognition of the trip behind you, and the one still to come. After hauling her purchases back to the airport hotel, you leave them in the care of one of the attendants, after which you're not entirely sure what becomes of them; honestly, you don't care enough to investigate. Lu-sensei seems to hold a similar opinion, as he quickly heads off to his room to sleep, and advises both of his students - but mostly you - to do the same.
"Oh, come on," Cordelia complains. "We're in Hawaii, and the best thing he can come up with to do is sleep? What about you, Alex?"