A/N Some scenes modified from "All the Way"
Posting an extra chapter today in honor of my brother, who doesn't read my FanFiction, but I love him anyway. Happy Birthday Big Brother!
Chapter 5
Spike removed a mug of blood from his beat up little microwave and opened the tin he kept his Berber weed in and grumbled. Empty. He had meant to get more and had been so distracted with thoughts of Buffy. The things he had said to her, the way she had practically ran out of his crypt and of course the baby. His head was so full that he had completely forgotten to restock. He hated going out at all on Halloween but he really didn't have anything better to do.
He drank down the somewhat bland blood while it was still warm and gathered his coat before heading out through the tunnels. At least that way he should be able to avoid not only the sun but also being seen.
It wasn't a long trip through the tunnels to the Magic Box but it was enough to help him clear his head a little. He hadn't seen Buffy since she had dropped the baby shaped anvil on his head.
Shouldn't have ever mentioned Peaches. Bloody hell I've been such a sodding wanker…
He let out a little huff as he slipped into the basement storage room. The Berber weed was in the same place it always was and he slipped a large clump of it into his pocket. He was just about to head back out when the door at the top of the stairs opened letting in the noise from the store above. He hid under the stairs until he heard Buffy muttering to herself as she came down the stairs with a large box in her arms.
A surge of excitement went through him and he bumped into her in his enthusiasm.
Perfect, William. You stupid ponce… He thought with a sigh.
Buffy yelped in surprise, "Bell. Neck. Look into it."
He couldn't help a smirk, "Come with a nice leather collar, does it?"
"What are you doing lurking down here?"
He dug the Berber weed back out of his pocket, holding it up, "Came through the tunnels. Running low on Berber weed. Stir it in with the blood. Makes it all hot 'n spicy."
Buffy scrunched up her face, the very idea made her nauseous. She turned to set the box down and glared at him.
"What? I was gonna pay for it."
She took a few silent steps towards him, her expression unchanging, "Seriously?"
"I mean, no. I was gonna nick it, 'cause that's what I do," he sighed, "What about you? How are you, sweetheart?"
She nodded, looking away, "You mean after all the crap you said to me?"
He rubbed the back of his neck, "Look, I'm sorry it hurt, but you needed to hear it. I'm not— I don't want to get into it again. How are you feeling?"
She tilted her head a little, "I'm alright. I've been sick a lot. Whoever came up with the term morning sickness was twisted."
"That bad huh?"
"I'm constantly rotating between extra super hungry and can't keep much of anything down."
He dipped his head apologetically, "I'm sorry."
"I— it's not—" she was about to say 'it's not your fault' but it sounded ridiculous, "It's not like either one of us ever thought it was even possible..."
"Well no, you're right about that. This is a lot to wrap my head around."
"Yeah, ya think?"
"Sure it's worse for you, pet. We really should have a talk. Bout us, about our little bean."
Her heart melted a little, "Yeah, I think so too."
He took a step closer to her, "Are you patrolling tonight?"
"I don't know, it's Halloween, kinda thought I'd take the night off."
"Same, you know me. I tend to be a bit of a traditionalist. Erm— do you want to come over?"
A lump caught in her throat, the answer was 'Yes' but at the same time… "I sort of have plans with the gang."
He pressed his lips together, back to the outside looking in. "Right, well. You know where to find me if you change your mind."
"I'll see if I can get away. Alright?"
He tried for casual indifference, "It's not like I don't already have plans. Great Pumpkin's on in twenty."
Buffy raised her eyebrows, "Didn't figure you for a Snoopy fan."
"Looks like we still have a few things to learn bout each other. Speaking of which, I thought you were done with the whole customer disservice thing."
"One-time deal to help out. And I mean straight time. No loop-de-loop mummy hand repeat-o-vision."
He nodded, it made sense. He caught her eye as she looked around the basement looking a little embarrassed. "Where's the mandrake root?"
He glanced around and led her over to a shelf with lots of jars littering the shelves. He took one down for her. "Um ... here. Only three to a jar. Tend to ... go a bit wonky if you cram them too close." She was so close. He reached a hand out to caress her shoulder and the breath hitched in her throat as he did.
"Thanks," she murmured.
"Sure I can't convince you to blow off your plans?"
"Spike—"
"Yeah, I heard you, pet," he said, dropping his hand.
Her heart sank at the loss of his touch, "If not tonight, then definitely tomorrow."
He nodded with a little grin, "I'll hold you to it."
She returned the smile shyly, "I better get back up there."
"Go on, before they send a search party, pet."
She hesitated a moment before turning to go back upstairs with the mandrake root. Spike watched her go and left, going back the way he had come, whistling to himself. It wasn't exactly a date but he'd take it for now.
Buffy pushed open the crypt door a little harder than usual, "Get your gear together. We need to—" she stopped abruptly, the TV was on but he wasn't in front of it. She frowned, looking around for him, "Spike?"
"You know" Buffy jumped at the sound of his voice, turning to find him standing behind her, "in civilized cultures, that's called trespassing."
"Good thing you're uncivilized. We got trouble." She said referring to the aftermath of the carnage she had passed on her way there and incidentally the reason she was late getting there.
"Giles found you?"
She frowned at that, "Giles? No. Was he looking for me?"
"Yeah, it's Dawn."
An alarm went off somewhere in her chest, "Dawn? Why, what happened?"
"No, it's okay," he said realizing he had been less than tactful, "Giles was by here earlier looking for you. Dawn and her little friend pulled a Houdini. Up to a bit of candy-corn mischief, I suspect."
"Wait, she's out there running around by herself?"
"Yeah, kids these days, eh?"
She swept past him to the sarcophagus she knew he kept weapons in.
"I did a sweep of the tunnels, Giles is poking about the cemetery."
"We have to find her," she said distractedly as she opened the lid. The scene with the ambulance had her on edge.
He raised his eyebrows a little, "I don't think she's in there."
Buffy rolled her eyes and threw a crossbow to him, "I knew I should have just come straight here."
"I was starting to wonder when Giles showed up, he seemed to think you should've been here already. Where were you anyway?"
"There was some trouble in town, looked like vampires, I hung around for a while trying to figure out where they went and doubled back here for backup."
"Glad you did. Stupid fledglings, I bet. Idiots don't know any better. Ruining a perfectly good Halloween..."
"I can't believe Dawn. She should know better!"
"We'll find her, pet."
"How are we supposed to take care of a baby if I can't even keep track of my sister?"
"She pulled one over on you. It happens. Our little one hasn't even made it to the crib yet and certainly won't be pulling that sort of mischief for a few more years."
"It's your baby, Spike, I expect it to come out scheming and making inappropriate innuendos."
"One can only hope." He tentatively reached for her hand, holding a relieved sigh when she absentmindedly linked her fingers into his. She didn't drop his hand as they continued on through the cemetery.
"Where'd your trail lead you anyway?" He asked after a few minutes.
"I'll show you on the way."
"So are we going to talk bout the bun in your oven?"
She sighed, "We do need to but I'm kinda stressing out about Dawn at the moment."
"Course…" they walked on a little more, "have you been to the doctor yet?"
She swallowed, "No, not yet."
He nodded, "Early days…"
"Yeah…" she sighed.
They walked along in silence a little further. She had expected him to push, but was thankful that he didn't. Neither one of them brought it back up, although she was sure he was thinking about it, by the way that he looked at her. She was just so preoccupied with Dawn and the vamps on the loose that she couldn't even think about the baby right now. But that wasn't the half of it. She knew he wanted to talk about the possibility of a relationship between them. Their past was such a convoluted mess, how would that even work?
Right, I can totally see it now. Someone says "Oh what a lovely couple, how did you meet?"; "Oh you know the usual, a mystic calling, mortal enemies designed to kill each other, a workplace romance, yadda, yadda. All the standard stuff."
Although one plus did keep popping into her mind. At least Spike wasn't encumbered with a curse and hadn't gone evil after she had given him what he had longed for, quite the opposite. In fact, he seemed drastically changed for the better; sweet even, which seemed like a really weird word to use in relation to Spike.
I'm losing my mind, that's it… I'm just losing my mind…
The trail Buffy had found came out to the lookout where several couples were parked in cars.
"Are you getting anything?"
"Watcher's aftershave…" he sniffed the air, "think he might've found the bit."
"Thank God."
"I'll go straight," he pointed through a clump of trees.
"And I'll go around."
He gave her a fierce grin before breaking apart.
Spike came out the other side of the clump of trees right behind Giles and he couldn't help messing with him by clapping a hand on his shoulder, "So. This a private game, or, uh, can anyone join in?" He asked, facing a young vampire holding Dawn close to him.
Buffy ran up to the scene taking in the scope of it. "Dawn, are you…" she paused looking around as Dawn slid a few feet away from the vampire boy, "were you parking?! With a vamp?"
Spike cast an eye towards Buffy.
"I— I didn't know he was dead!" Dawn sputtered.
"Living dead," the boy corrected.
"Shut up!" Dawn spat at him.
Buffy bristled, "How could you not know?"
"I just met him!"
"Oh! Oh, so you were parking in the woods with a boy you just met."
"We've seen each other at parties," the boy interrupted again.
"Shut up!" Buffy snapped at him and turned back to her sister, "I don't believe you!"
Spike caught Buffy's eye briefly and she blushed slightly.
Dawn crossed her arms over her chest, "Oh, like you've never fallen for a vampire?"
"This isn't about me or who I'm with, it's about you parking with a vampire!"
"It's always different when it's you!"
"At least I know when I'm kissing a dead guy!"
Spike couldn't help a smirk.
One of the vampires standing on the side held up a hand interrupting them, "Uh, excuse me! Can we fight now?"
At that, another vampire bolted and Spike ran after him. He cornered the younger vampire trading blows. The vampire got in a lucky hit that sent Spike to the ground with a huff.
"What is your malfunction, man?!" The idiot fledgling complained.
Spike growled as he got up and shoved the vamp down onto the ground, "It's Halloween, you nit! We take the night off. Those are the rules!"
He pulled himself up attempting to look tough, "Me and mine don't follow no stinkin' rules! We're rebels!" He said, trying to take another hit at Spike.
Spike was ready for him this time and blocked it easily, following it up by head-butting him before planting his boot in his chest. The vampire hit a tree with a crack, slipping down its length and landing in a heap on the ground.
"No. I'm a rebel. You're an idiot." Spike replied pulling out his crossbow and dusting the vamp, "Give the lot of us a bad name."
Spike ran back to the spot where he had left Buffy, Giles and Dawn. He was just in time to see a vamp slam Buffy down onto the hood of the car Dawn had been parked in.
She rolled aside just as the vamp punched through the hood of the car. Buffy kicked him while he still had his fist trapped in the metal. She flipped up onto the car, jumping up to avoid the vampire's grasp. He reached for her again and managed to grab both of her legs, pulling her down hard down onto the car.
Anger flared in Spike as she fell and he surged forward towards her. Another vampire came from the side, tackling Spike to the ground before he could reach her.
Buffy kicked a leg free and kicked her opponent away. The vamp lunged for her, punching her squarely and held her pinned against the car while he yanked the antenna off. He used the antenna as a makeshift weapon to choke her.
"Buffy!" Spike bellowed as a punch, from the vampire he was fighting, connected with his jaw.
Spike spun around staking the vampire charging him. At the same time, Buffy was struggling to push away the vamp choking her. She managed to bring her foot up, kicking him off and she flipped away from him panting for breath.
Spike grabbed the dropped antenna, pulled the vampire back from lurching towards Buffy again. Then he wrapped the antenna around the vampire's neck from behind. He pulled back hard, the wire digging into the vampire's throat.
"Oh no you don't!" He growled viciously, "that's my girl!" With one more hard tug he pulled it through, reducing the vampire to dust.
Spike glanced up towards Buffy, she clutched at her throat still catching her breath before being tackled by a female vampire. She recovered quickly and delivered several kicks that sent the vampire woman stumbling into a bush. Before the vampire had a chance to pull herself out of the tangle of branches, Buffy had her stake ready with a fatal blow. The bush sprang back up flinging a little cloud of dust around making Buffy sputter. "Oh gross! I hate when that happens!"
Eww… I wonder if vamp dust is bad for baby— can't be good—- note to self: try to avoid inhaling vamp dust… maybe I could get a dust mask?
Spike rushed over to her. "Are you alright?"
She rubbed at her neck and shrugged, "I'm fine, no big."
He took a step closer, placed a hand on her stomach and lowered his voice, "You took some pretty good hits, you sure you're both alright?"
"I—" she broke off, suddenly panicked. She didn't feel any different. Aside from the already subsiding pain in her throat and a possibly bruised back, she felt fine. She nodded numbly and whispered, "I think we're both good."
Maybe I should think about some patrolling health and safety gear…
He nodded once and removed his hand, looking around for Dawn and Giles. "We'd better get the Nibblet home, suspect you'll be waiting to have a chat with the girl."
Buffy shot him a sideways glance as they drew up to Giles who was standing with a visibly shaken Dawn, "We'll talk about it later. Right now—" she faced Dawn, crossing her arms over her chest, "you are going straight home. Consider yourself grounded for a month. You should know better than to sneak out like this."
"Like you never snuck out before!"
"I was slaying!"
"Oh so you never made out with Angel on patrol? I doubt that!"
"Yeah and you see how well that turned out."
Dawn suddenly looked like she might start crying, "I just want to go home."
"Giles? Can you take her? I want to do a sweep around here and then we'll be right behind you."
"Consider it done. Come along Dawn."
Buffy and Spike watched them head off before walking in a circuit around the remaining cars. They didn't find any more vampires so they headed towards Buffy's house, following Dawn and Giles at a distance.
"What do I say to her?
"Bloody hell if I know. Always carry protection? Stakes and condoms?"
Buffy laughed darkly, "Oh yeah, now you think about it!"
"You didn't either as I recall."
"Yeah well from now on I'm pushing for abstinence."
Spike groaned, "And here I was hoping we might break this endless dry spell."
She laughed again, "It hasn't been that long."
"Maybe not from your perspective. I'm dying for a shag over here," he was trying desperately to keep the pleading tone out of his voice.
"Dying? Really?"
"You know what I mean!"
Oh yeah… I really… really… really… do…
She sighed, "What are we gonna do?"
Spike turned his head to look at her, "Don't rightly know." He hesitated a moment, "Could try the whole power couple thing."
"You just want to get laid," she quipped.
"No… not 'just'— Bloody hell. I'm not going to pass up the offer but there has never been anything 'just' about how I feel for you. If that were the case I would've 'just' left town after the tower."
The fact that he hadn't done that very thing was something that had resonated with her since the moment she saw him when she returned. Then there was the way he had cared for Dawn and helped her friends while she was gone. Soul or not, something had changed in him— whether that change was permanent or fleeting was another matter entirely.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Suppose."
"Last year when Drusilla was here—"
"Bollocks—" He rocked his head back like he was avoiding a punch, "yeah, go on…"
"She said a lot of things that sort of stuck with me."
"The bit about being able to love without a soul?"
"Well that— but she said something about knowing you were in love with me before you did… what was that all about?"
Spike sighed heavily, "S'why she left me. We were halfway 'cross the world and she— At first I just thought she meant I'd been obsessing. Bringing my work home with me as it were. Thinking 'bout you as a worthy opponent and all— so I didn't bring it up— for months— and it got worse. She started going off with other demons— said she could see you dancing round me, laughing."
Covering me. Consuming every part of my being.
He shook off the thought. "Turns out she was right. Came back here to prove her wrong and ended up doing just the opposite."
"How do I know this isn't just more of your obsession crap?"
"It's not— Love ain't an easy thing for a vamp to sort through. I got all twisted and— well you know what happened… the things I did. Don't surprise me that you'd be skittish. It's why I haven't been pushing, hoping you'll come to me. So far that plan's been working out alright," he gave her a lopsided smile.
"Knew you had some kind of an angle."
He shrugged, unperturbed, "What good does it do me to pretend otherwise? I want you, but I want you to want me too. Is that so hard to understand?"
Buffy's mind flashed through all of her other relationships. That feeling of wanting and being wanted, of having but not having. She had been on both sides and knew how much pain it caused everyone involved. What if she could break that cycle? What if this was the chance they both needed and deserved?
Buffy moved in front of him stopping abruptly and he nearly bumped into her, "What the—"
"Let's say we try this whole crazy happy healthy relationship thing. What happens if that chip stops working and you go back to killing?"
He hesitated a moment, "Not going to happen. Could get the sodding chip out tomorrow and I wouldn't pull anything. I wouldn't want to put you through that and we both know you would stake me in a heartbeat. The way I see it is if we try and fail then at least this baby will know that we tried."
She couldn't help but frown at that. As much as she had been thinking about him and as much time as they had been spending together she still wasn't sure if it was the right move. He had a point, she was definitely drawn to him and had been starting to feel— something… but the fact remained that he had no soul and that scared her.
"Let's just— a chip isn't the same as a soul, Spike. I don't even know if I'm capable of ever loving you. I just— can we just keep being— whatever the hell this is?"
"Mortal enemies turned friends, having a kid together? Was hoping for a bit better than that, what do you mean you don't know if you can love me?"
"I— let's just see where things go, alright?"
He tried not to let it show how deeply her words had cut. "Can I at least hope for some friends with benefits action?"
I don't even know how to answer that… friends with— there could definitely be some benefits— oh my God, Buffy Ann Summers, what the hell is wrong with you??? "For crying out loud. Are you serious right now?"
"Can't blame a fella for asking." He grumbled a little but his mind was already back on what she had said. Her words echoed in his mind— 'a chip isn't the same as a soul'… why is she still stuck on this?
Buffy stretched her arms out in front of her, trying to release some of the tension in her shoulders. Focus— prioritize…"Let's just focus on Dawn and getting me a job for now alright?"
Spike clutched at the pack of cigarettes in his pocket, he was about to reach for one and thought better of it. Bugger, was once a time you'd take Dru into an orphanage for a night out, and now look at you… worrying about second hand smoke hurting your own babe.
The memories of the things he used to do with Drusilla crept into his mind. She had always loved children— as a special treat that is. The thought tugged at something in his mind and he suddenly had a flash of insight from Buffy's perspective. Something inside him knew that he probably shouldn't feel nostalgic thinking about the death and destruction he and Dru had waged.
Then he thought of something else, the Council had files on him— and Buffy had probably read them.
He imagined Buffy's face as she discovered the things he had done. From her standpoint as a force of good, could she ever actually forgive him?
She forgave Angelus— no, not Angelus, Angel— the git. She still sees them as different people. Only difference is one's got a soul and cries over all the spilled blood and the other is— remorseless… that's it isn't it? Remorse… I've never felt remorseful a day in my un-life— except— except when I failed her…
No wonder she's not willing to love me…
He shook his head, trying to keep his tone light, "Reminds me, got some paperwork for you to look over. Applications. You can rip em up and burn em if they don't strike your fancy but I held up my end. Might be able to dig up a few more in time."
She glanced at him in surprise, "That was fast."
"Still have a few connections round here."
"Are they back at your place?"
"Yup, can look them over tonight if you want," he smirked.
Buffy rolled her eyes, her resolve not to sleep with him again wasn't going to last long at this rate. "I'll come by tomorrow, tonight I have a teenager to deal with."