"Real solemn history, I cannot be interested in... The quarrels of popes and kings, with wars and pestilences in every page; the men all so good for nothing, and hardly any women at all."

― Jane Austen

My initial impression of war is that it's dull. Its hell when battle happens, a terrifying and chaotic mess, but it's mostly dull. For an entire month we walked towards a town called Edhellond. It was slow going, as the horses were pulling large, heavy wagons full of supplies for the front. I treated a lot of feet. The boots that many of the soldiers wore were not really suitable for walking, and certainly the men from Tolfalas were not used to such long, hard marches.

But it was a good, steady start for a healer. Thavron gave me an apron, a headscarf for my hair, and a thorough introduction into the art of healing on the battlefront. As well as learning from the other healers, who were quite experienced and full of advice, I got to know some of the men from the other regiments and became intimately acquainted with the blisters, boils and rashes on their feet. I think I cheered up the islanders by reminding them of home.

"I'm glad you're here with us, Fish Girl!" said Denvy, grinning. "Soldiering isn't all bad!"

It was strange being so far away from the sea. Eventually the gulls left us, and I could no longer smell salt in the air. The landscape changed, and sloped upwards. There were new flowers and trees I'd only ever seen in books before.

But after a few weeks of a long dusty road, it did get dull. It was repetitive. We stopped long after it was dark to make camp and then just after dawn we were moving again. Each day was fairly similar and the food was terrible. It tasted of nothing and was gloopy, a strange high protein porridge that was easy to mass produce. The soldiers weren't allowed to waste time hunting and apparently we were saving the good food.

Morale was low and the men were getting bored, too. A few fights broke out between the men, and Thavron supervised while a young healer called Thalion and I cleaned them up. Thalion was Thavron's young cousin, who had only just finished his training. Thalion was younger than I, and a bit nervous but friendly. He had plenty of questions about Tolfalas, girls in general, and especially why the Tolfalas men called me Fish Girl.

"Minnow is a strange name, is that common on Tolfalas?" he asked, as we wiped blood from yet another man's face one morning before we set off. He had a badly broken nose, and severe bruising around his eyes from headbutting a man who turned out to be his closest friend.

"Not really," I said, with a grin. "My grandmother said when I was born I was so grey I was silver, and so small I looked like a minnow."

"When I was born, I was so fat my father fainted," Thalion whispered back to me, and I smiled at him. Our patient grunted.

"When will it heal?" he grumbled. "I've got a terrible headache." We smeared some cream around his eyes and told him to drink a lot of water. He muttered that he had learnt his lesson, and loped back to his friends who all cheered at him and clapped him on the back.

One of the men shouted: "Thanks, Fish Girl!" at me and waved.

"We are all called Healer," said Thavron, disapprovingly, handing me a cloth.

"Isn't that confusing?" I asked, wiping my hands clean.

"No." He glared at me. He liked questions, but not questions that questioned him.

"Yes, sir. I mean, Healer," I replied with a grin. We hit the road again.

The healers walked at the back of march, and sometimes I sat on a wagon with Thalion and we dozed in the sunlight. We became good friends as he treated me like a sister, and a peer, talking endlessly about his family back in Minas Tirith, and needing very little in response. I hoped that one day I would see the city, too, and all the places he described.

There were only three other healers, Norn, a man from a village in South Gondor who looked like he could be from Tolfalas by his brown skin and dark eyes, and Merind and Olin, who were both from Dol Amroth. They had all trained in the prestigious halls of healing in Minas Tirith many years ago, and had spent years healing on the battlefront. Less friendly than Thalion, nevertheless they did answer questions when I asked them. They were more stoic, and I felt that the war had probably hardened them.

I knew that I would learn a lot from them, but I could tell that they would never see me as one of them. But I didn't mind that we would not be best friends immediately. I was too tired from the road, and I was used to being slightly set apart from everyone else. I can't say that it did not always bother me, but some things you have to accept. Especially if you can't change them.

After what seemed like eternity, we arrived at our destination. At Edhellhond, there was a huge camp, bustling and noisy. I hadn't been told about where we were going, and hadn't dare ask Thavron, but it was clear that the soldiers were regrouping. I heard the new soldiers, both the men from Tolfalas and Dol Amroth, chattering in anticipation. The soldiers here had seen war, and they didn't know what to expect. The land was flat, but when I stood up on the wagon to see how far the tents went, my eyesight failed me. Green tents for as far as my eyes could see. It made the camp outside Dol Amroth look small. I felt small, and insignificant. I had imagined Middle Earth to be wide and wondrous, but this was beyond what I could ever have expected.

For the first time, I felt unsafe. A lone woman in this huge camp - what had I been thinking? I had never been around so many men before, been so outnumbered. While on the road, I heard the chatter of the men I had grown up beside and had felt like it was an extension of home. This was something different.

Denvy must have seen my face, for he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, before running off with his fellow soldiers. Our wagons took a different path, to three huge healer's tents, which were blue instead of green, where a few men in bandages lay on cots, dozing in the warmth of the sun, recuperating. It felt like a moment of peace before the storm but I could tell the soldiers in the camp around us were agitated.

Thavron stormed into the tent, in his usual impatience, and we trailed after him.

"Healer Thavron!" welcomed a healer with the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen. His face fell when he looked upon the five of us. "So few?"

"I collected three experienced healers from Dol Amroth, Healer Varin, who have recovered from their injuries," said Thavron. I started. In my ignorance I hadn't realised that Norn, Merind and Olin had been sent away for healing, and now were going out to the battlefront to fight again. I felt a little ashamed to have not put the pieces together, but they had never said. I was taken aback by their quiet bravery.

"You must have been desperate to take on a woman," Healer Varin said, disapprovingly. "And what's this? Your cousin?"

It sounded pitiful when he said it out loud.

"We must take what we can get," said Thavron, angrily.

"Over a hundred healers were killed a few months ago at the battle in Ethring," said Healer Varin. I looked between the two of them, and then at Thalion who was as surprised as me. Five to replace a hundred, I thought. That cannot be right. But it was clear that the war was claiming the lives of all the healers who dared head to the battlefront.

"What are you standing around for?" Thavron snapped at me. "Start unpacking!"

A little dismayed and subdued, Thalion and I unpacked and restocked supplies under Olin's careful watch. It was in a silent haze that we ate

Sleeping quarters were slightly less haphazard than on the road. The healers had their own section behind the healer's work tents, and we were split into twos.

"Did you know so many healers had been killed?" I asked him, softly, as we lay on our cots.

"I heard a rumour that the orcs are targeting the healers' tents," he replied.

"We will be fine," I said, stoutly. He echoed the sentiment and exhausted, we slipped into sleep. In the middle of the night, I awoke to a stabbing pain in my side.

My blood had started. Thalion was lightly snoring next to me. I slowly climbed out the tent and stretched.

I was furious with my own body. It was very late, that was true, and I had been expecting it, but it had taken me by surprise. Why does it always come at the most inconvenient time, I wondered, walking as quietly as I could over to the healer's work tents. Tomorrow I wanted to impress Healer Varin and show that I was just as capable as a male healer, and now I would be facing that challenge with my own secret obstacle. Luckily, I knew just the herb to help with the pain, and I remembered where the clean rags were.

A strange noise made me jump. It was late at night, still not morning, and the camp was not silent. There were guards, parading the outer perimeter, and a few men who lay on the cots in the healer's work tents were snoring. I was nervous about being caught wandering about at night. It would not do for the only female healer to be found out of bed - who knows what kind of punishment these soldiers would inflict on men? I stifled a sob. It was the blood, I told myself, I'm not really upset or scared, it's the time of the month where everything was upsetting and it was normal that I wanted to cry. All I had to do was tiptoe around to the healer's workstation, which was blocked off from view, grab one of the vials I had unpacked earlier and some rags and go.

But as soon as I picked up the vial and knocked it back, I heard the strange noise again. I realised it was a moan. I narrowed my eyes and tried to adjust to the lack of light - and immediately wished I hadn't. Across the other side of the work station, in the dark, I saw Thavron leaning against the counter we mixed herbs at, his head tilted back and face flushed in the shadows, while Varin kneeled in front of him. My eyes widened as I realised exactly what I was seeing, and I dashed away as silently as I could.

Trying as quietly as I could to stuff rags into my dress without waking up Thalion, I wondered how I had managed to make this situation worse. I could not believe I had witnessed something so private. I desparately wanted both Thavron and Varin's approval, and their expertise and teaching. Thoughts about what I had seen and what was going to happen to me whirled around in my head until sleep took me.

In the morning, I was jumpy, achy and exhausted - and in a terrible mood. What stupid idea it was to join the war effort, I told myself.

"I would like to talk to you about what you saw last night," said Thavron, uncharacteristically quietly, making me jump. I glanced up at him briefly and then back down at the herbs I was grinding.

"I did not see anything," I said, carefully.

"I think you did," he said, equally carefully.

"I… my blood started in the night," I told him, panicked. He took a vial out of his pocket.

"I have been waiting for you to ask me, for I have observed you have not been taking anything. Before the war, I was head healer in the halls at Minas Tirith. On occasion, I had to tend to the ladies of court. One drop of this in your cup of water every day will stop your blood. This should last three months, by which time I will make more, for it takes a long time to distil."

"Th… thank you," I stammered, surprised, taking the vial and sniffing at the contents, trying to discern what it was made from. This was an unexpected kindness.

"It's fifty lashes," he said. I looked up at his face. He looked so world weary and tired. I could tell how stressed he was about how little healers we had, how inexperienced Thalion and I were for war, and how worried he was at how I could react to seeing him with Varin.

"There are many sailors in Tolfalas," I said, slowly, recommencing my grinding. "Some choose to live together when they are not at sea, and never marry. We do not comment on it, in general, but after ten years of such an arrangement, it's customary to throw the sailors a party and give them presents. As you would at… a wedding." I looked up at him.

"Perhaps I will retire to your beloved island when this war is finally over," he said, smiling.

"Well, I hope you like fish!" I said, with a smile and he laughed at me.

"I hate fish!" he said, with a laugh, clapping me on the back. "Come, you have grinded those herbs to dust. I have a task for you that will cheer up our invalids."

After that, I felt that Thavron took me under his wing. New soldiers were arriving every day, and wagons full of injured me too. It seemed they were coming from all directions, which did not inspire hope or confidence. But it felt good to be busy. Under Thavron's instruction, I learned how to transport an injured man from a wagon to a cot, to discern his injuries, to decide where in the tent he needed to go, how serious his wounds were, and most cruelly, if it were best to leave him to die. Some, but not many, of the soldiers were so near death that they passed within minutes of arriving at the camp. We were rarely overwhelmed, but we were busy, and it was hard, back breaking work.

During our quieter moments, my chief task was to check and clean wounds. We all feared infection, and soldiers are invariably dirty. I felt dirty myself, and sluggish. But the men seemed to quite like a young girl tending to them - if they were awake and conscious - and I asked them questions about their lives and families to distract them. They were less likely to swear or even fight me, explained Thavron, which is why he made me do the rounds. By the time I had made my way through a hundred men in our tents, it was time to eat and then sleep. My world had become so small. Thalion and I dragged each other out of our tent at dawn, wandered over to check our injured patients, only stopping at midday and sundown to eat. If we had the energy, we would stretch our legs and walk through the camps after our shift had ended.

A few weeks later, I cut out a large swathe of infected skin from a swarthy soldier from South Gondor by myself, without supervision for the first time. I realised that I had learned so much, even in a few short weeks.

"You are lucky," grumbled Thalion, when I found him assiduously scrubbing his hands, in a trough of water and boasted about what I had done. He and Varin had left the healers' work tent to deal with an outbreak of lice, and he smelled strongly of the chemical that was used to burn the lice. "I have deloused twenty men today, and I fear I will have to delouse myself."

"I am not sharing a tent with you!" I screeched, my hands going up to my headscarf, as if I could stop the lice jumping to me by sheer will.

"Do not fear, healers, there is a reason we wear headscarves," said Healer Varin, his arms folded.

"I'm not shaving my hair," I warned him.

"Not prepared to sacrifice your hair for Gondor, Minnow?" asked Thavron, coming over to laugh at us.

"I'm prepared to go weeks without washing it properly, but not to lose it entirely," I told them. This amused him, and he started laughing. "I do not want to be bald," I told him peevishly. Thavron, still chuckling, started to explain that shaving hair wasonly a last ditch attempt to get rid of lice, when huge cheers broke out in the camp.

Surprised, we turned towards the noise, but could see nothing, only the tents rippling in the wind.

There was some chanting, but I couldn't hear the words, until they came much closer.

"The king is come!" shouted a solider near us, running towards the noise. I wished I could run with him, but as healers we couldn't leave the healers' tents. But we could still hear the immense noise, shouting, chanting, and banging. The king was popular, I realised, for the excitement was palpable.

"Finally," muttered Thavron. I glanced at him, surprised. I had not realised that we had been waiting for the king.

Luckily, after a few excitable minutes, the procession came past us on their tall, noble horses, and we could see them from our vantage point over the tops of the tents. We were a little too far away to have to bow or curtsey, but close enough to see their faces. Thavron pointed out the captains and the generals holding banners fluttering in the wind, names that I forgot instantly, but then I saw the tallest man I had ever seen in my life. He looked like a giant.

"And that is Elendil the Tall," pointed out Thavron.

"He must be more than six and half feet tall," I wondered.

"He's over seven foot tall," said Healer Varin. I was astounded. Even from afar, sat upon a horse, the king looked huge.

"How can any man be that tall?" I whispered.

"He's the king," said Thavron, as if that explained it.

"And that's Isildur," Varin told me. I strained to see a man next to Elendil, of a similar height. Princess Tinthel had been right, he was handsome, but a little morose. Numenoreans, I had found, all looked quite stern. Hopefully Lind would cheer him up, I thought.

"And the younger brother, Anárion," pointed out Thavron.

Riding behind his brother, on a black steed, was the second son. Not quite as handsome as his older brother, I thought, you might even call him plain, but friendlier looking.

The three members of the royal family were in the most elaborate but deadly looking armour, and carried long scabbards, while their heads were bare. The injured men I had seen had come to us in varying states of undress, and I had become accustomed to taking off damaged armour, some of it crushing their bodies as the thin metal had been beaten to a pulp by orcs' deadly blades. But I had never seen armour made so finely before. It must be Elvish, I realised. They looked like something out of a storybook.

"I can't believe I have seen the king," I muttered.

Anárion turned his head and looked directly at me, as if he had heard me and I stared, transfixed for a few seconds until he turned his head again. I let out a breath.

"I'm sure you're very glad you're not bald!" cried Thalion, breaking the spell. I shoved him and splashed him with water from the trough.

"You rotter!" I cried.

"So Elendil has arrived," said Varin, thoughtfully. "Alright, stop acting like children, back to work!" he said, as Thalion and I continued to soak each other.

The next day, as I was cleaning a man's head wound, Thavron approached me.

"I have a job only you can do, Minnow," he said, with a smile.

"Really?" I said, excited, until I realised that it might be a trick. Perhaps he wanted me to clean out the latrine. But after I rewrapped the man's head in bandages, I followed Thavron to a large tent at the edge of the camp, and entered it.

To my utter surprise, inside was a young, pregnant, and very scared woman. I hadn't seen another woman in weeks, and was very glad to meet one, but I was taken aback to see one in a camp. She was breathing very heavily and clearly in labour.

It took me a second to remember what to do.

"My name is Healer Minnow and I see I am to be your midwife. What is your name?" I asked, politely. I scanned her face, trying to figure out who she could possibly be.

"Thank the Valar!" she cried, her eyes watering. "My name is Berendine."

"I will leave you in this Healer's capable hands, my lady," Thavron said, and turned to go.

"Will you not stay and help, Healer?" I asked him, softly.

"I have to report to the king," said Thavron, quietly. "You can handle this?" he asked, his hand on my shoulder.

"I can handle this," I said, firmly.

Berendine was nervously chatty, and told me all about her life, her childhood in Osgiliath where her father owned a tavern, her sister's marriage to a prosperous farmer, her brother who had died in the army, her opinion on how to make the best cakes in Gondor, on and on she rattled as I instructed her on breathing. But it was calming her down, so I didn't ask her to stop, and occasionally I asked questions.

It was clear that she had been moved into this tent in the last day or so, for it was a large tent, newly erected (it was still clean). She had little possessions, but they were all on the floor next to the cot which had not been slept on. She never once mentioned who the father of her child was or how she came to be in camp. I burned to ask, but didn't.

"When I say push, you will push, and not before then, Berendine?" I asked, as I manoeuvred her onto all fours as she requested.

"I can't get comfortable! And it hurts!" she cried. I rubbed her back and gave her a vial to drink. Thavron had left a box full of everything I might need - he would have been a good midwife, I thought, with a smile, but there are some things a woman likes privacy for.

For a while, I was worried that the baby was going to be born breech, but after a few hours of labour, I delivered a healthy, pink and screaming baby.

"A girl!" I declared with a smile, cleaning the babe up and laying it on Berendine's chest. I wiped her sweaty brow and gave her a drink of water.

"I want to name her after you, Mistress Healer!" she said. I almost laughed; one Fish Girl was enough.

"Call her… Joy," I said, with a smile.

"Joy," she repeated, rocking the baby. "Yes, she will bring much joy I think."

I smiled, exhaustedly.

"Will you be travelling with us when we leave in three days?" she asked me, a little later.

"Leave in three days?" I repeated, confused. How could she possibly know that?

"Yes, the soldiers will leave for the front in three days. I am glad that I gave birth to Joy before then," she said, gazing lovingly at her daughter.

"I would not advise travel for a few weeks," I told her.

"There is not much choice in a war," she said, sadly, looking up at me with her big, sad eyes. It wasn't my place to question her because while she had little possessions, she was clearly being taken care of by someone.

"Three days," I repeated.

"If you come with us, then you can make sure the baby is healthy," she said, eagerly. "I know that it is the first few weeks where it is most dangerous for a baby."

"And for a mother," I said, worried. "Is there no way for you to stay in this camp, or return home?"

"No, I cannot return home," she said, firmly. I sighed. While I didn't know her situation, it seemed that she was the mistress of someone high up in the army, perhaps one who was already married. To return home would mean losing his financial support, I supposed, and potentially facing disapproval and questions about an illegitimate child. Still, I felt that was a preferable option to taking a newborn to war. Healer Varin had told me that the men were discouraged from "having relations" with women, as he called it, and that while it used to be common for lots of women to be at the camps, doing laundry, small tasks and "entertaining" the men, it wasn't the case anymore. He had said that in a few raids, orcs had captured some women, and after that, the king had forbidden them from the camps unless absolutely necessary. There were a few female healers, and even a couple of female blacksmiths, but unless they had a craft, women weren't allowed.

Who was this woman travelling with the king's company? Who was her lover? I longed to ask, and I longed to urge her to go home - but I knew that not only would she not be deterred, she knew what was best for her and her daughter.

"I will help you as best I can," I told her.

After that, everyone called me Mistress Healer, which was a vast improvement on Fish Girl. After I had delivered a baby, the other Healers warmed to me a lot more. It certainly cheered us all up, and Berendine came to the healers' work tent to show off baby Joy after a day of rest.

"A baby!" we all whispered, reverently, holding her.

"I have never even seen a baby," said Thalion, who was barely twenty years old.

"You are a baby!" said Thavron, although it was without malice.

But the day after, we started packing up to move out. Less than a tenth of the camp was to stay behind. Some were to take the men with injuries who could be moved back to Dol Amroth. Everyone else was moving to the front.

Thavron pulled Thalion and I aside.

"You and Thalion now have a choice. Some healers will stay with the camp here, and deal with the injured soldiers as they are brought back from the front. Will you be among them?" asked Thavron.

Thalion and I looked at each other. Part of me wanted to stay. I had found a good rhythm in the camp, and felt confident dealing with the injuries from war. I had even assisted Thavron in a few amputations. He was loath to do them, but sometimes it was the only option. If I stayed here, I could even return to Dol Amroth to see Lind, and share with her everything I had learned in the last two months. But there was still more to do. I hadn't even seen a battle yet, although I was starting to become familiar with its aftermath. I didn't want to leave the Tolfalas men, or Berendine and Joy, or even Thavron and Varin, and certainly not dear Thalion, who was becoming a little brother to me.

"There's no shame in staying here, and Eru knows, they need the help," said Thavron, looking at our faces.

"I'm for the front," said Thalion, bravely. "I told my father that while I am no warrior, I will serve Gondor!" Thavron nodded and looked at me.

I smiled. "Lead on, Healer," I told him, putting my hand on Thalion's shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting way.

"We head out tomorrow!" Thavron declared. I gulped. I would be brave, I decided.