"I will be calm. I will be mistress of myself."
― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
It was a long, slow walk to the human camp. Horses and a large escort met us at the bottom of the mountain, which was much appreciated as I was already flagging. I barely managed to get into the saddle. Annie had to lead my horse as I was not a good enough horsewoman to manage on such a tall steed, especially when I was so stiff.
No one spoke as we crossed the flat plain. I was too exhausted and overwhelmed, not to mention scared of Isildur, and upset about what had transpired earlier, but I wondered at the two brothers not speaking to each other.
It occurred to me much later that Annie was angry with Isildur.
It was hard to discern their dynamic. Handsome, commanding, dominating Isildur, and mild-mannered, thoughtful and slightly sad Anarion. As an only child, I'd often wished for a sibling, and had always been envious of my friends with big families, but this was a tension that unnerved me.
As we entered the camp a few hours later, I saw that Glorfindel was right. There were fewer tents; most of the soldiers looked in bad nick and quite visibly filthy. As Annie lifted me down from the horse, I looked about for the healers tent, but I was steered towards a large ornate and familiar tent. My heart sank.
"We must report to my father," Annie told me in a low voice.
Inside the tent, the high king of Gondor was sitting behind a desk covered in maps, and a decanter of wine, and only one glass. He looked up from his study with a hard stare.
Isildur walked to the side of Elendil and nodded at him. He looked very serious. I had thought Annie being reunited with his family would be a source of joy.
I curtseyed as low as I could. Annie caught me by the elbow as I wobbled and brought me back up. He nodded to his father.
"Father, I am glad to be returned to you. Lord Elrond has healed my injuries and I am ready to rejoin the army," he said, formally.
Elendil ignored him and stared at me. I felt stripped bare under his unnerving and steely gaze.
"Am I to believe a slip of a girl like you could pull my youngest son out of a pit of bodies, and through a pool of mud?" he asked. It felt accusatory.
"I do not know where I found the strength, my lord," I said demurely, but honestly.
"It is true, Father; Minnow saved my life. She has paid for it with many injuries and still suffers," said Annie.
There was a long pause. Elendil hadn't broken his stare; I thought I could feel him in my head although surely it wasn't possible. Cold sweat was dripping down my back and I desperately wanted to leave his tent.
But I maintained eye contact with him. Indeed, I was too scared to blink. After what felt like eternity, he shifted.
"I am indebted to you then, Mistress Healer. Choose some land."
"My lord?" I asked, confused and even more nervous.
"I lost a thousand men in half a day, my own son included in the dead. My soldiers are in low spirits, filthy and hungry, fighting like orcs and drinking like dwarves. Scum of the earth," he spat and stood up, leaning his long powerful arms on the desk.
Annie curled his hand around my wrist.
"The only thing that has lifted their spirits is the news of a young Gondorian healer - a woman - which has swept through the camps like a wildfire. It is not Isildur or Elendil who inspires the soldiers, who they sing of around their pitiful campfires, it is a peasant girl from Tolfalas. I will not be indebted to a backwater serf. Choose some land. I mean to raise you from the rank from which you were born."
Elendil unsheathed his long sword and for a second, I thought he meant to behead me.
It felt like a trap.
"Arnor. Somewhere in Arnor," I said, shakily. Annie slowly pushed me down, and I realised I was supposed to kneel.
"Lady Minnow of Cardolan, arise," said Elendil, tapping me on both shoulders with the tip of his sword. He was surprisingly gentle.
"Thank you, my lord," I said,
"Dismissed."
I curtseyed, feeling thankful and Annie nodded at me to leave.
"Well, Anarion, you have survived…" I heard Elendil say as I left the tent, almost threateningly. Isildur had remained silent. I repressed a shudder.
Waiting outside the tent for me was the person I wanted to see the most.
"Thavron," I breathed. I ran towards him and threw myself at him. He gripped me so tightly I couldn't breathe. For the first time all day, I felt safe.
"Thank the Valar, Minnow, thank the Valar!"
He let me go and I embraced Varis quickly before Thavron raced off into the night towards the healers' tents at such a pace I found it difficult to keep up.
Thavron looked like he had aged ten years. He brought me up to speed with what had happened during my month with the elves. While I had been bored out of my mind, the Gondorian army had sunk into a state of almost unprecedented chaos not helped by the shortage of healers. There were now less than twenty-five healers in the whole of the Gondorian army. It was much worse than I had thought; only twenty-five healers for ten thousand soldiers? How were we to manage when we had so many trials before us?
"Unfortunately, that bastard Erik doesn't have a scratch on him. I don't know how he does it," snarled Thavron.
"Rin?"
"Yes, still here. Were you with him when…?" asked Thavron. As much as I had longed to see Thavron and hear his voice, I would rather avoid this conversation.
I nodded, looking at the ground. "When I saw the wave… I grabbed him but I do not remember anything after that."
We said nothing, but let it sink in. The grief was far too near. Unlike my grandmother who I missed but could think about without pain, thoughts of Thalion physically hurt. I didn't think I could say his name without weeping.
"It is my deepest regret that we could not make our way back over the mountain and bury our dead," said Thavron, stiffly.
"Thav, more men died in the evacuation than the flood. We will return when it is safe," said Varis.
"I wish to bury my cousin!" snapped Thavron.
The dead men who we left behind were probably rotting, I thought, if the orcs had not tampered with them. It was a point of honour to bury our dead. Orcs were burnt.
"I woke up in the pit," I said, flatly. It felt so long ago.
"We know," said Thavron. "In fact, everyone knows."
We had reached our destination. The healers tent was full but quiet. It felt as if everyone was in low spirits; desolate and broken by what had happened. For a month now, I had ached to be back with the healers, with my friends, with my fellow mortals but now, I would prefer to be in the elf camp.
Someone looked up from attending to a man with a bloody bandage on his chest. With a pang, I realised it was Rin. She rose and without thinking, I walked over to her and embraced her. She smelled quite distinctly of rosemary.
"The tea is almost ready," she told Varis, over my shoulder. I turned and looked at him. He nodded, grimly.
"It has been a huge blow for Isildur," explained Varis in a low voice, his arm around me as he guided me to a small campfire. "He cursed the mountain men for their betrayal. So many men lost, and his own brother. Elendil was furious. When Elrond's letter arrived saying Anarion lived… well you have no idea what we felt."
"It was like the sun shining through the storm clouds," said Rin, sitting down beside us and dismantling the kettle from the fire. "You gave us hope." She handed me a cup and I blew on it.
"Elendil is not pleased to be outshone," said Thavron, darkly.
"Minnow saved his youngest son, Thav. And Anarion may not be his favourite, but he is well-liked among the men. He went straight to the front line as soon as the call went up. They called him a hero when they thought he had died, and a miracle when they heard he survived! Songs will be sung about you, Minnow!" said Varis.
"How did Elendil receive you?" asked Thavron, seriously.
"They've made me a lady," I said, miserably.
Thavron and Varis shared a concerned look. I told them an abridged version of my time in the elf camp, omitting any mention of Isildur and what Annie had said to him.
There was a long silence while I drank my tea. They all looked at me with worry in their eyes. After a while, Rin cleared her voice.
"I believe there is a house on the land in Cardolan, but it has been abandoned for some time. It is close to the kingdom of Lindon," she said.
"Near the elvish kingdom… that sounds nice," I said, blankly. Thavron told me to finish my tea and go to bed, for we had a week to prepare for battle.
I shuddered, and Varis showed me my tent, where I lay, almost unwilling for this day to end. The two of them stayed by the fire, talking long into the night in furious whispers.
"Raise a woman from the ranks? I've never heard of such a thing," I heard Varis mutter in Sindarin.
"Elendil is worried. The Elves were right to hold on to them for so long, I hate to think what Elendil would have done to her when the anger was still fresh."
"Surely he would never hurt her! After saving his son?"
"His wife did not die in the fall of Numenor like everyone thinks, Varis. Don't be naive!"
"I am trying not to be, Thav, but I do not understand. Why make her a lady?"
"He has to be seen to reward her. And Elendil is clever. Isildur would never marry any of his mistresses but Anarion has more honour…"
"You can't believe the rumours. Minnow - a mistress? No, not in a million years."
"There's some truth in everything, and I saw Annie holding her hand in the tent. And the land she has been given is in Arnor, which is Annie's home. There must be some significance there."
"Thav, consider, the prince is much more likely to marry her if she's nobility. And I cannot imagine Elendil encouraging his son to marry a healer. She has no fortune, there's no political advantage…"
"Elendil's sons are very different. Very different, Varis. Isildur has left a trail of illegitimate children across Gondor - his father does not care, accept any responsibility or harbour any interest in his grandchildren. His only stipulation is that his sons confine their… 'assignations' to the lower classes. Isildur is an obedient son. And I've known Annie since he was a boy, he's not the type to take a mistress. They must be in love."
"So Elendil wishes to part them?" asked Varis.
I was too tired and sick of everything to listen any more, and I drifted into sleep. When I woke in the morning, I felt stiffer than ever.
I missed Glorfindel's bed. I hadn't appreciated it enough.
After a cup of tea, Thavron asked me to check our patients for infections, so I set about on the repetitive task of cleaning wounds. The soldiers were too tired and dispirited to talk much, but they all smiled and said they were glad to see me back, so I had plenty of time to think through the last day.
Thavron was worried for me, and that scared me. I had hoped being under his wing would protect me, but it was clear that I was still in a lot of danger.
His insinuation that Elendil had killed his wife was horrifying, and yet, believable. How did Annie feel about that, I wondered. Did he know?
I wasn't sure that Elendil had made me a lady in order to part me from Anarion. I couldn't see Anarion openly defying his father. As I rebandaged a young man's leg, it occurred to me that he may have raised me from the ranks to stop Isildur from pursuing me. Perhaps he realised that the soldiers would not be happy with Isildur, who was seemingly in disgrace, messing with me.
Although, I thought, angrily, adjusting his bandage, it was unlikely any man would realise that a woman like me - poor, little and without connections - wouldn't care for the attentions of a rich, handsome prince.
I felt so angry and helpless, which made me feel even angrier. It was also very clear to me that Thavron had someone watching me at all times, which made me feel even more claustrophobic.
This was what I wanted, I told myself, to be useful, to be healing, to be with my friends. But it was bittersweet.
At the end of the day, which had been long and dull, our head healer gathered us together, and we stood in a huddle. I looked around at our faces, wan, overtired, and dishevelled, and I shuffled uneasily.
"We have a week to prepare for battle. Dol Guldur has emptied," announced Thavron, as if personally affronted, then stomped away again. It would have been amusing if we weren't all so depressed and anxious.
Erik spat on the ground.
The male healers followed Varis, who told them that no one would be going to the frontlines, as it was pointless with our poor resources. Instead, they were discussing where best to move the healers tent. The orcs would be coming from the north, and the healers discussed whether it was better to place the tents to the sides, east or west, or further south.
"Come with me," said Rin. She led me to the herb station and told me what they were missing, which thankfully was not a lot. Inside their glass bottles, the herbs had survived the flood wreckage remarkably intact. "We'll have to prepare a lot of compresses," she mused.
"It's going to be a long week," I muttered to myself.
"Aye, we could do with those mountain bastards, now, eh, Minnow? Well, time waits for no man," said a soldier called Ossian. He had clearly overheard Thavron and was keen to get back into the action.
Like a lot of other soldiers who had spent far too long trudging through water, he had fungus growing on his feet. Varis told me that it had been almost impossible to dry out the soldier's boots after the flood, which had caused all sorts of problems. I thanked the elves for my beautiful yellow leather boots. With great effort, Ossian rose from his bed.
"Your paste hasn't dried!" I said, pushing him back down. Earlier that day I had covered his peeling feet with a paste that would neutralise the fungus. His feet were so bad that he could barely walk, but despite this, he didn't complain. "You're not needed just yet."
He tried to argue but I just scowled at him until he subsided. My bedside manner had significantly worsened, I thought, dully.
"I wish we did have more allies. The mountain men will regret it. Isildur has cursed them," said Rin, sitting down and writing a list of what we needed to do. In time, Ossian fell back asleep and started snoring.
I had assumed that just meant Isildur had shouted a lot of swear words in a fit of rage when he was betrayed, but the way Rin had phrased it made me ask her to explain.
"Isildur has magic in his blood, have you not felt it?" she said, curiously.
I shook my head.
"It's said no woman can resist his charms, such is his pull."
I snorted. That was certainly not my experience.
"Did you not feel it?" asked Rin. "You have met him."
"I didn't like him," I told her.
"Neither do I, but I still feel it."
She told me what she knew of Isildur and I cannot say that the knowledge made me feel any safer. When he was a young man, barely out of his youth, older women pursued him in a manner Rin described as predatory. There was something that pulled women towards him, Rin said, that she had seen in his father's charisma but not so strong and so raw as it was in Isildur. But once he realised that women couldn't resist him, he began to take control of his power.
"Elwen has that strange magnetic quality, not to the same extent. As does her father. They call it charisma, and perhaps it has something to do with their great beauty. It makes you glad not to be beautiful," said Rin, with a shudder.
"Annie, Anarion doesn't have it," I said, thoughtfully.
"He is much like his mother," said Rin, turning back to her list.
The mystery of their strange family continued. I wondered what sort of woman Elendil had married. I couldn't agree that I found any of them charming although I had not met the sister - Annie was kind, but charm was something I had always thought of as manipulative. I believed that they had some strange Numenorean magic, that felt true, but perhaps it didn't work on backwater serfs like me.
Thank the Valar.
Idly, I wondered if I were like my mother. She had never left Tolfalas, and had died when she was my age; in age and distance I had already outstripped her. My grandmother said she was stubborn and swam like a fish, which certainly sounded like me. Her big adventure had been a liaison with whoever my father was - and that had ended badly for her, leaving behind only me and a silver seashell necklace. My big adventure was supposed to be seeing Arda - not a star-crossed love affair. I had thought to see amazing towns and cities, stunning forests and mountains… instead it was mostly following in the muddy footsteps of the soldiers. Grey landscapes, dark clouds, mud, dirt, rocks, silt and grime… a lot of blood and puke as well.
Perhaps meeting my new friends was my big adventure, I thought as I fell asleep that night. Elrond, Glorfindel, Yagel, Berendine, Thalion, Varis, Rin, Thavron…
The next day, the camp swung into action. I awoke to the sound of clanging; I could hear the blacksmiths hard at work, sharpening the men's weapons. Shouts and commands echoed through the air, and soldiers were laughing again. Purpose had made the men's lives bearable, even enjoyable. A battle was something to look forward to, something they could win.
We all knew what was at stake if we lost. I thought of the orcs that had pursued me and Annie and shuddered.
After I had checked my patients for infection, and pushed Ossian back into his bed after another escape attempt, I asked about Berendine, but Thavron only told me that she was fine. He was having an argument with a captain I didn't recognise and Varis told me that they were going to move the healers' tents two leagues to the east to be nearer the elves that day.
"If this bloody captain would allow it," snapped Thavron. The captain blanched. No one liked fighting with Thavron.
My task was an easier one, but far less enviable. I donned my headscarf, tied another round my face, and took Thavron's prized gloves and set off to inspect the men's feet. Over the course of six hours, I must have looked at over five hundred pairs of feet. I had stuffed a nosegay into my facemask, but even the potent herbs were not enough to mask the stench. I went through several buckets of paste that Rin was diligently mixing back at the healer's tents.
One man pulled off his boots and fainted at the smell of his own feet! We all laughed heartily, and one of the soldiers carried him to the healer's tents where I told Ossian to watch him like a hawk.
"Denvy!" I shouted, spotting him as I went to inspect more feet. I half-ran, half-limped over to him and threw myself into his arms.
He clutched me to him then drew back to look at me.
"Fish Girl," he said, with a lopsided smile.
It brought home how bad things were that Denvy's spirit was almost broken. He looked a little worse for wear, thinner than usual and dirtier, but whole.
He took my bucket from me, and I slid my arm in his, as if we were promenading.
"Half of the Tolfalas crew are dead," he told me, taking me to see the rest of them. They were in pretty bad shape, but they were alive. I embraced everyone and checked their feet, telling them it was vital to keep them dry. Luckily, the fungus hadn't taken root in their feet, but they told me about other soldiers who were struggling to walk. I sighed.
They asked me a lot of questions about elves and laughed at my jokes. But it felt tense. Everyone was worried, about the upcoming battle, and about how rife this fungus was.
"We're fishermen, Minnow, we know about wet feet. This ain't the usual ailment," said an old mariner called Jip.
It certainly wasn't. Whatever the fungus was, it was new to me and I'd never read about it in any of the books in Lord Jakobi's libraries. Still, Thavron knew what he was doing, I told myself.
The foot fungus was even worse than I thought, I found at the end of week. Most of the soldiers had it, although not all, and the paste wasn't slowing it down as fast as we had hoped. Toes were going numb, but as most of them could still run and walk it wasn't deemed critical. But we knew that it soon would be, if we couldn't figure out how to cure it. It had been festering far too long.
"If we have to start amputating feet, we're done for," said Thavron, grimly, as we sat around the campfire in the early evening as the light started to dim.
"There's a river, Snowbourne, a league south of here. Fresh water and a month off their feet…" said Rin, speculatively.
It didn't sound hugely likely to happen; a month off their feet!? Who knew what state we would be in after the battle.
"Elrond would know how to cure it," I said. I looked over at the mountains and the elves who were assembling to the south-east.
We would have to ask him when the battle was over. Thavron told me that the orcs were likely to strike as soon as the sun set.
I did a last sweep of our healers tent and the few critically wounded left. Most had broken legs and couldn't walk, but the rest we had patched up as best we could and said they were good to go, even if it wasn't strictly true. In times of war, needs must.
I mused for a few minutes on the nature of war when I realised someone was behind me. I turned quickly.
Annie was standing in front of me at the entrance to the tent, in a dark red tunic and chainmail. He looked uncharacteristically grim and his hand was on his sword.
"It's late. You should sleep before tonight… take some rest," I said. Even though I hadn't seen him for a week, we were beyond pleasantries and greetings.
Annie made a face and I looked at him askance.
"Numenoreans never sleep well," explained Annie. "We all dream of the fall. The great wave."
He sighed heavily, and explained at my surprised expression. Numenoreans, even if they had not been in Numenor at the time the great wave washed over their beloved island and tore it to pieces, sinking it into the sea, still had nightmares about it. Not every night, but almost and enough that it was never far from their minds. Annie thought it was punishment for letting Sauron into their inner circles and worshipping him.
"But not everyone worshipped him," I said. "Elendil stood against him." Of course, I was no admirer of Anarion's father, but he had recognised the maia for what he was - a manipulative dark lord.
"It is our collective failure as a society. And so the dreams, or nightmare really, is our warning never to fall prey to such deception again."
It was hard to think about the Enemy or Evil in real terms. It always seemed so abstract to me until I had seen an orc for the first time. I couldn't imagine anything worse than an orc; what could Sauron possibly be like?
"I have a new company. Isildur and I are to lead the command, and our allies will advance from the south-east. I ask you to stay away from the frontline, to keep yourself safe. You are not supposed to be here really … you're a lady now," he told me.
"I am exactly where I am supposed to be," I said, tonelessly. I straightened and looked at him. "Do not ask me to abandon my duties, Annie. I would not ask it of you."
He nodded.
"I am… I have hope that we will win," he reached out and grabbed my hands. He pulled my right hand and placed it on his heart. "I will see you afterwards."
His light grey eyes stared down at me, and I felt the slow beat of his heart under my palm. It was comforting, but I couldn't help but worry about him. He had only just recovered from his injuries. Glorfindel had taught him well, I thought, and if there was one person I wasn't worried about, it was the Balrog Slayer.
I watched Annie walk away feeling nervous for the battle, and when I turned around I realised that Thavron had been watching. This would not help his suspicion that Annie and I were in love, but I couldn't tell him what had happened with Isildur. Not because I was ashamed, for I had been a midwife and I knew more than I wanted to about abusive men, but because it wasn't safe. It was a secret between me and Annie and it had to stay between us. So I blushed and went to bed. Only Thavron and Varis were to stay up the first night. Thavron said this was to be a marathon, and not a race, and we must pace ourselves.
I awoke in the night to the screaming, and as I got up, I found the other healers around the dying campfire, not saying anything. The battle was two leagues from us but the sounds carried.
How does one describe a battle? I don't really have the heart to remember it in any clear detail. The mind numbs what is too painful. The mess, the smell - oh Valar, the smell - the sounds. The knowledge that your friends are out there, fighting evil, so that we can all be safe, so that this long war could end, so that the Enemy could finally be defeated and we could go back to our lives. But we would forever be altered, I thought, for evil always corrupts.
I thought of Glorfindel. I thought I should like to see him in his armour, like a shard of light in a dark room. And Annie, steady and strong, cutting through the orcs.
It was a long cool night. As the sun began to rise, the first few men started to drift back to us. We patched them up if we could and sent them back. A few had broken bones, and some insisted we send them back even with a shattered arm or wrist.
The feeling of sacrifice was acute.
A few died as soon as they reached us. Two sturdy healers, Koendi and Astro, carried them away to be buried. I heard them shovelling, but couldn't bear to look.
"Girlie," said Erik, ambling towards me and spitting on the ground again.
"Can you please stop fucking spitting?" I snapped. He handed me an almost clean handkerchief; I hadn't realised I was crying. I apologised and tried to smile gratefully at him, but the feeling of gratitude was short-lived for he started muttering in Sindarin about salty fishwives swearing like sailors.
It was a stereotype that annoyed me greatly. I'd grown up around fishermen, sailors and fishwives and while they were forthright, but rarely swore in my experience, even when I was stitching them up. And if there was a time to take up cursing, it was during a battle, I thought.
Rin woke me up. I stitched up men. I fell asleep on the ground. We amputated legs, arms and feet. We cut off armour and pulled knives out of flesh. The two strongest healers started to dig a mass grave. Rin told me to go to sleep. Thavron discussed things with a captain who ran back and forth. Our aprons turned red, we put on new aprons and they turned red too. We gave water to the men, but we didn't bother to wash them unless they were cut or had wounds.
I spent a whole day with Astro going back and forth fetching water from the river. We took the time to wash everyone's aprons and old bandages in the ice cold river.
"Thavron sent us because we're the least experienced, and he's trying to give us a break," said Astro. He was from Minas Tirith and engaged to be married. Her father hadn't allowed them to get married before he left for war, a year ago, and he was worried she had forgotten him or assumed him dead.
"This is light duties, is it," I grumbled, carrying several pails of water.
He became a fast friend. I fell asleep a few times using his shoulder as a pillow, and woke up to him and Varis curled around me in a pile. Whether Thavron and Rin slept at all, I couldn't tell. Erik spent his time amputating - the amount of soldiers with completely shattered arms that were barely hanging on was shocking. It felt clear to me that the orcs were trying to inflict as much damage on the men as possible.
I prayed for my friends out on the field.
Eventually, I lost track of time. I slept for a few hours at a time and was up all night, stitching and cleaning wounds. I barely saw any of the men's faces. I was so exhausted, but I kept trying to appear cheerful and smile at them to reassure them.
Suddenly, the battle was over, Thavron told us. I didn't know a battle could last so long, but it was a week in total. After a few hours, the soldiers started streaming back towards the camp, and the healers tents wanting to be seen, and others to their tents to sleep. It felt like a herd of oliphaunts was coming at us.
"Did we win?" I asked a passing soldier. But I couldn't hear the answer over the screaming and shouting. After a few minutes of staring at them, I realised they were cheering. They were happy, we had won.
I sank to my knees and sent a thankful prayer to the Valar. I did not know how much more I could have borne.
After a few hours of stitching men up, Thavron returned from attending to the royal family. Varis told me that they would never come to the healer's tents and that Thavron looked after them personally. It was partly because they didn't want the soldiers to see them suffering, and also convenience. I thought the men would probably like to see that the Numenoreans were human too, but I imagined that they wouldn't like that. Hierarchy was important to them, I realised.
Thavron divided us up, and took some of us to the battlefield.
It was a mess.
"How many dead?" asked Varis, as we stood and viewed the carnage.
"Maybe five thousand men. Oropher, king of Mirkwood, came down from the north, and that was what decided the battle. He has died. Elendil and his sons survive," said Thavron.
"And the elves?" I asked.
"I have seen Elrond, and asked him to visit our healer's tents when he is able. Gil-galad lives, and so does the Balrog Slayer. They have a few wounded, but not as many as us," said Thavron. He was so matter of fact, I thought, dazedly.
A group of soldiers had dug a pit and it was me and Astro's job to make sure that they didn't accidentally put any living man in it. I knew the horror of being in a pit of dead bodies, but I didn't know the horror of checking maimed bodies for a pulse. There were few that were still alive, and fewer still that would last through the night.
They piled the orcs up and burnt them.
Much later, I was hiding behind a crate, crying, when Varis stumbled upon me.
"Oh Minnow," he said.
"I just needed a cry. I'll be fine now that I'm needed." I sniffed.
"You will be glad to see this visitor," he said, pulling me up and embracing me.
He was right. Elrond was in our healer's tents, in full armour, looking glorious and completely out of place among the filthy invalids that occupied it. His long dark hair was pulled back, but still flowing, and he was wearing elaborate bronze armour, decorated and interlaced with leaves. Heavy chainmail peeked out, and he was a little dishevelled. I had never seen a dirty elf before and it thrilled me.
"Minnow!" he said, coming towards me. We embraced and I told him he was a sight for sore eyes.
"Lady Rin," he said, bowing to her. She curtseyed hurriedly and greeted him in Sindarin.
Rin quickly explained our situation. While we could stitch up wounds, and waive off infection, we were increasingly worried about this fungus. After a week fighting in the mud, the soldiers' feet were in even worse condition and some were reporting no feeling in their legs.
"It is a vicious kind of bacteria," he said, looking at an unconscious soldier's bare foot. "I have not seen its likeness for some time, but it is an easy, if slow cure. I will send some tea and the herbs you need for a new paste. I have enough for your entire army at our camp. There will be no need for amputations, do not fear."
Rin sighed with relief and thanked him profusely.
"How is Lord Glorfindel? He is well?" I asked, tentatively. "Still… shiny and um… tall?"
Elrond smiled. "Shinier than ever, and as tall as he ever was. I will tell him you asked after him."
I nodded, and he clasped my shoulder before striding away. The elf camp was far in the distance, and I watched him as he walked away. It was kind of him to come, I thought.
Thavron let me sleep for half a day. Varis and I piled into a tent and fell asleep on top of each other, exhausted. I didn't dream, but I was faintly conscious of him snoring next to me and the heaviness of boots around me. Astro shook me awake and for a few minutes, I was so dazed I couldn't figure out where I was.
Back in the healer's tents, things were beginning to calm down. Erik had put down his saw (with an expression almost of regret), and Rin was finally taking a rest. She had fallen asleep on one of the cots, and someone had draped a blanket over her. Our patients had settled, apart from Ossian who was back and trying to leave again. I resumed my rounds, checking for infection and cleaning wounds, thinking that I might be able to go to the river for a wash later.
I was debating whether I should ask Varis or Astro to accompany me when a golden figure appeared before me.
All the heads in the healer's tent that could move turned towards Lord Glorfindel in awe. He looked like a Valar, glowing brighter than I had ever seen him. His long blond hair was messily flowing behind him, but his pale face was clean and his eyes were shining under his severe eyebrows.
I had once wished to see him in full armour, but I was not prepared for the sight. While Elrond's armour reminded me of autumn leaves, Glorfindel's put me in mind of rain on a spring day. His breastplate was made of layers of silver, most likely mithril, and chainmail peeked out his rebreaces, which I had recently learned was the name for the armour for the upper arms. I had found them quite difficult to remove from unconscious soldiers with neck injuries. On his leather arm guards was a single yellow flower. He had in his arms a large crate.
Unlike everyone else who was exhausted, he was brimming with energy, grinning at me. It almost felt like he was humming.
"Greetings, dearest, dirtiest Minnow, I believe you are expecting a delivery. Ah, total silence! The manner of our meetings are often heralded by some urgent need for healing, and I am glad that on the third occasion, neither you nor I are in want of medical attention!" he cried, smiling at me.
There was a pause where I tried to gather my thoughts. I blinked a few times at him, keenly aware I was covered in other people's blood.
"Where shall I deposit Elrond's box of urgent supplies, Mistress Healer?" he prompted.
"I'm a lady now," I said, for some reason. "Of Cardolan. That's near Lindon."
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Thavron approaching, looking perturbed at the manner of my conversation, no doubt.
"Lady Minnow," said Glorfindel, looking slightly perturbed at this news. He raised his eyebrow at me, and I supposed I should answer his question. I pointed to our table and he walked over to it. I followed him.
"You're very clean," I accused him. If I wasn't mistaken, he was glowing more than usual.
"Clean, shiny and tall. Elves repel dirt," explained Glorfindel, gently putting the crate down and looking down at me.
There was a pause.
"That's just not fair," I said, faintly.
"Humans, we believe, attract dirt," he said, with a smile. "You rather seem to prove this hypothesis."
"They say opposites attract," I said, without thinking.
"Indeed," he said, his eyebrow raised again.
Thavron chose this moment to join us, loudly praising the elves in general, in particular Elrond and Glorfindel's infinite kindness and lordliness, and woke up Rin who was excited to make a new paste.
Glorfindel made his excuses and strode away. I made a comment about how strange it was that the general of the Elvish army had brought us medical supplies himself.
Thavron gave me a discerning look.
"He's right, you look like a piglet in the muck. Go and wash yourself, actually, Varis, please take this piglet to the river and give her a good scrub," said Thavron. Aghast, and a little offended as I didn't think I was dirtier than anyone else (especially Erik who was always filthy), I started voicing my annoyance.
"I have half a bar of soap," whispered Varis, taking me by the arm and dragging me towards the river. I stopped complaining immediately.
It was testament to how exhausted I was, body and soul, that I let Varis pull me into the cold river in my underthings and scrub me down. It was freezing, but I didn't mind too much. It felt like being a child again. After he deemed me clean enough, I swam to the other side of the bank and back, pleased to stretch my muscles again.
"There's going to be a special dinner in a few days," said Varis, helping me wash my hair. "Thavron must think you'll be invited."
"A dinner?" I said, blankly. Varis explained that the allies - the elvish kingdoms and the humans, were planning to have a celebratory meal. The elvish king who had died had to be remembered, and his son, the new king, honoured.
"What about the dwarves?" I asked. Varis thought they had already left. Their short legs meant that they had to travel for longer, and they were keen to get to the next planned destination. I wondered if it was closer to Mordor and shuddered.
Varis had a wash with the remaining soap, and I watched the soldiers further down the river jump in the river, splashing each other and horsing about. It was good to see them having fun.
I let my curls air dry in the sun, and put on my wet, but now clean dress.
Later, we ambled back to the healer's tent, feeling cold but clean.
"Glorfindel has paid you special notice, Minnow," said Thavron, when we returned. "Mind you behave yourself."
What did that mean, I wondered.
We didn't see any elves for the next few days, but we felt their impact. Elrond's densely packed crate of supplies was quickly dispersed. Rin made bucket after bucket of paste, which this time smelled strongly of aniseed and something I couldn't place. Astro and I had the dubious honour of covering the men's feet in it, and forcing them to drink the foulest smelling tea I'd ever encountered. More than one soldier threw their empty cups back at us, accusing us of trying to poison them. A few even threw up and said they'd rather take on an orc.
A lot of them made fun of my cooking skills, and said I'd make a poor wife if I mucked up a cup of tea that badly.
Astro took to calling the tea Minnow's Poor Excuse for a Cuppa, which had some of the men in hysterics.
I didn't mind too much, especially as we could see an improvement in their feet after a day. We anticipated that within a week, the fungus would have completely cleared. Valar bless Elrond, I thought, and his foul tea.
At the end of the week, Thavron announced that the anticipated dinner with the allies was that evening, and that I was to get ready as best I could. I washed the day's dirt off in a bucket and asked Thavron what I should do next. I didn't have a spare dress and neither did Rin. Indeed, my dress was in tatters and I was wearing Varis' spare leggings underneath it to preserve my modesty.
Thavron told me to follow the soldier who would take me to the elves' tent where the dinner was to be held.
"You're not coming?" I hissed at Thavron. He smiled mischievously at me.
"I'm head healer, Lady Minnow , I couldn't possibly abandon my duties for a mere dinner! Have fun, don't disgrace me. Only speak when you're spoken to and remember that ladies chew their food. I know you struggle with that one, piglet," he said, sardonically.
I wanted to curse him, but I followed the soldier, my heart sinking. I had assumed that Thavron, the king's cousin, would be at the dinner besides me.
The soldier led me through the tents, but not towards the elvish camp. I wondered where we were going, but it was nice to see the rest of the camp, as messy and full of tired soldiers as it was.
"No more tea, Mistress Healer, we beg of you!" shouted one of the soldiers. I waved at him.
The soldier stopped in front of a clean and large tent and ushered me in.
"Lady Minnow," he announced as I entered, which made me jump.
A woman who could only be Princess Elwen sat with her back to me in her tent, her long black hair as dark and glittering as the night's sky. She was sitting in front of a mirror, looking at her reflection, and Berendine of all people was brushing her hair.
I curtseyed to her back.
She paid no attention to me for a few minutes, and I watched her hold up various earrings with large, ornate stones to her face and consider them. She finally fixed upon what must have been a dangly emerald earring, sharply cut and shiny.
"Annie has asked me to look after you. There's a dress on the bed you can wear," she said, carelessly waving behind her.
"Thank you, my lady," I said, softly.
Nonplussed, I looked over at the nicest camp bed I had ever seen. Besides it was a large trunk full of dresses, and a few books. She must have just arrived - was it for this dinner, I wondered. How important was this evening?
On the bed was the most beautiful gown I had ever seen. Velvet, with a scoop neck and long sleeves, it was a dark red, the colour of claret. It was also the colour of Arnor, the colour that Annie favoured. It was luxurious, but quite plain, I thought. Perhaps this suited my new station.
I quickly shed my tattered dress and leggings, and pulled the dress over my head. It felt cold and silky and soft against my skin.
Glorfindel must be right, I mused, Elves and elvish things must repel dirt because there wasn't a spot of mud on the yellow leather boots that the elves had given me.
"He is handsome, is he not?" asked the princess, dreamily.
"Who?" I asked, stupidly. Did she mean Annie? I couldn't think of any man of the same rank as the princess that wasn't her family, unless the princes of Dol Amroth were here.
"The elf Glorfindel, silly! I met him earlier, he was very courtly. Such elegant manners. Go and fix her hair," she told Berendine.
"Lady Minnow," said Berendine, with deference, gesturing for me to sit on the bed. I wanted to throw up. This was my friend, a woman whose baby I had delivered only a few months ago, who I had sat on a riverbank and talked about how much we wanted a bath with soap. Her child was Princess Elwen's niece, and she was now curtseying to me!
I smiled nervously at Berendine, trying to convey all my feelings and friendship into one smile, but she didn't meet my gaze. Miserably, I let her pin back some of my curls. My hair needed a trim. I had split ends, and it was starting to expand outwards instead of down, but who had time in a war? I grabbed Berendine's elbow which made her look at me. I smiled at her, and she nervously smiled back.
"He is unmarried," Elwen carried on. "They say that the lady Galadriel wishes him for a son-in-law, but I hear that he is unwilling."
None of this made any sense to me, although the name Galadriel was familiar.
"I am the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Perhaps I am enough to tempt him," mused Elwen, looking at her reflection with a thoughtful gaze.
There really was no polite answer to that. I tried to swallow a snort but it turned into a cough.
I looked askance at Berendine, who flashed a quick grin at me. It was true, Elwen was stunningly beautiful, but the way she talked about herself was strange.
"An elf husband would suit me well. I would try for their high king but father says it is futile. The lord Glorfindel, however, has a soft heart. My father can see into people's souls," she said.
This was horrifying news. Elendil could see into my soul?!
She stood up and looked me up and down.
"A marked improvement. Follow me," she said, and swiftly left the tent. I muttered farewell to Berendine and dashed out of the tent after her. She was as tall as Annie, but thin and willowy, much like I imagined an elleth to be. Her silver dress shone in the dying light, and I struggled to keep up with her strides.
We met Annie at the edge of camp, who looked handsome in a clean purple tunic. He told his sister that she looked more beautiful than usual, a flower amongst weeds, a glorious sunrise after a dark night.
He told me I looked short.
I struggled not to laugh, and his eyes crinkled up and I beamed at him. It was exactly the right thing to say to me, and I was grateful to him. He took his sister's arm and I followed behind them, holding up my gown which was trailing on the ground, as we entered the elvish camp.
It felt more sombre than the last time I had been in their camp in the mountains, but familiar in its calmness. It was a lot quieter than the human camp, but I did see a few elves I recognised and they bowed their heads to the prince and princess, but also me when I nodded at them.
A large table had been laid out in the middle of the camp, bedecked with flowers and candles (where had they come from, I wondered) and ornate cutlery. I had assumed that we would be in a tent, but I remembered vaguely that elves prefer to be outside if possible.
Introductions were made, and I was astounded by Elwen's charm. It was almost too much when Elwen smiled. Rin was right; she did have Isildur's intensity. Thankfully, I didn't warrant much attention and was content to trail after her and Annie.
I saw Glorfindel and Gil-galad twitch, almost imperceptibly when they looked at her, and I was confused until I realised I had just seen them flinch . After a few seconds, Gil-galad touched his right ear. It hit me with a shock: they didn't like pierced ears! I almost laughed. It was tradition for Gondorian ladies to get their ears pierced on their eighteenth birthdays. Lind was so excited when her father had gifted her pearl drop earrings that had belonged to her mother that she hadn't stopped talking about it for a year.
My grandmother told me that midwives didn't need their ears pierced, and that had been the end of it. I had been jealous until I realised that small children and injured adults often flailed around and grabbed midwives, and it was best not to have anything that could tear my ears. I had still admired Lind's pretty earrings, especially as I had no such jewellery to remind me of my mother. Until my necklace…
I missed Lind. Princess Elwen must have come from Minas Tirith, I realised, and was very likely to return to the city. Perhaps she could take a letter to my oldest friend? The thought bolstered me.
Elrond winked at me, and I felt bold enough to wink back. In a low voice, I thanked him for the supplies he had sent, and told him that the tea was potent, but foul tasting. He laughed and agreed. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Elwen flirting with the Balrog Slayer. He was wearing a thin blue tunic, and smiling relaxedly at her.
Gil-galad was talking to Elendil and Isildur, who looked as grim and menacing as usual in their dark attire. The only elf I didn't recognise must be the new king of Mirkwood. He was tall, with long silver hair and looked morose. He had just lost his father. I wondered if it was worse to lose someone if you were blessed with immortality, or if you only had a few short years with your loved ones like mortals did.
"Lady Minnow," said Glorfindel, looking at me. I curtseyed. There was a pause in which he seemed to expect me to say something. "Is your loquaciousness directly correlated to the number of puddles you have rolled around in? I would hate for propriety to render you mute."
I bristled.
"Brevity is the soul of wit. We are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the éclat of a proverb," I said.
"This is no very striking resemblance of your own character, I am sure," he said, grinning at me. But we were interrupted by Lindir passing out goblets, and we were ushered around the table to our places. I was standing next to Annie, who I looked up to but he was gazing at Gil-galad so I copied him.
A number of elaborate toasts in Sindarin to Oropher began. Gil-galad spoke at length of Oropher's courage, his strength and his battle prowess. Elrond talked of his wisdom. Elendil told us how a horde of cave trolls had felled him (cave trolls, I thought, horrified). The new king, whose name I still hadn't caught, nodded at them in turn.
I couldn't see where, but white paper lanterns were released all around us, and they floated into the sky in the soft breeze. It was hauntingly beautiful.
As we watched the lanterns soar into the air, Glorfindel began to sing in Quenya. His voice was low and sweet, masculine but soft. I didn't know what he was singing about, if it was a well-known song or he had composed it earlier - or even on the spot, but it hurt to hear it. I struggled not to shake and closed my eyes. It was the strangest feeling; as if I could feel it in my soul. It was a melancholy that felt like water, soft but strong, a sorrow that you could drown in.
When he finished, I opened my eyes, and looked at Glorfindel. He looked as solemn as I had ever seen him. The king of Mirkwood smiled at me. I realised with a shock that my cheeks were wet and I had been crying. Annie offered me a handkerchief. Embarrassed, I wiped the tears away, and stared at the ground.
After that, we sat down and dinner started. I was deeply uncomfortable being served by Lindir. It felt unnatural to be waited on by anybody, let alone an elf. The food I recognised from my times in the elvish camp. Light, but nourishing and filling, it was mainly root vegetables, soups and grains. I nibbled at them, self-consciously, copying Annie's table manners.
The conversation was entirely in Sindarin, which I was grateful for, as it meant that I didn't need to contribute.
After discussing Oropher's life and the battle, they spoke at length of the plans for the next battle, which I did not pay too much attention to. I couldn't bear to think of yet another battle so soon after this one, and I did not understand a lot of the terms they used. I doubted I would have understood what they were talking about if they had discussed it in Westron. My mind started to wander, and I began to think of the men and the fungus, and what I was going to do tomorrow until to my great surprise, and horror, I was mentioned.
" The human girl was strangely affected by your song, Laurefindil. I have not seen a human so coloured by the sun or with such unusual hair. Where does she hail from? " asked the king of Mirkwood, who I had learned was called Thranduil.
" She is from the island of Tolfalas ," replied Anarion. "It is near Harad."
"Lady Minnow saved my son's life, and so we have gifted her with a title," said Elendil.
"How… unusual. So she is not of the blood? Who were her parents?"
"Her mother was the midwife's daughter, and she does not know who her father is," said Anarion. I was surprised he knew as I had never mentioned it, but then I realised that as the son of a king, he probably checked the provenance of all his friends, acquaintances and allies. And enemies. While true and as accurate as I knew it to be, it hurt to have my illegitimacy laid out like that in front of the highest-born people in the land.
"I believe that she has some blood other than human in her veins, but I do not know what," said Elrond.
"She has certainly proved her worth, no matter her low beginnings," said Gil-galad.
I was struggling to keep a neutral face. How long were they going to talk about my parentage and my worth in front of me, I wondered, feeling sick. It was far too late to reveal I understood Elvish, and I hoped that I was concealing it well enough.
I realised Glorfindel was staring at me, and quickly looked down at my plate. He misunderstood me often enough, but it would be just my luck that this would be the one time he looked right through me. He was being strangely quiet.
"My lady Elwen, I hear you are musical?" he said, suddenly and surprisingly in Westron.
"Indeed, my lord Glorfindel, music is my true joy. I have brought my harp. You have shown yourself to be a truly gifted singer. Will you accompany me?" she said in her melodic voice.
"I would be glad to…" and the conversation suddenly turned to music. A surge of affection for the Balrog Slayer swelled inside me.
Who brings a harp to a battlefield, I wondered, as Elwen sent for her harp. We stood up and Lindir and some elves appeared and took the dishes and tables away.
"You may leave," said Princess Elwen. "You may keep the dress, I no longer want it now you have worn it."
I thanked her for her generosity, and curtseyed to the group. I smiled gratefully at Glorfindel and he gave me a nod. Annie took me to where Berendine and a soldier were waiting.
"Well, you survived your first formal dinner," he said. He picked up my hand and kissed it, to my surprise. Then he bowed and walked back to the party. I could hear a harp. It sounded beautiful, I thought, hollowly.
"Lady Minnow," said Berendine with a curtsey. I flinched. I hated this. I wasn't one of the men anymore, I wasn't a girl just like Berendine but I wasn't one of them. I asked her to just call me Minnow.
"You're a lady now," said Berendine, haltingly.
"I'm a healer," I said, emphatically. "I'm the same person."
"This war has changed us all," she said, emphatically. That was true, I thought, tiredly.
I tried to dismiss the soldier but he just looked at Berendine for confirmation.
"Minnow, please, I will get in trouble if you go without an escort!" She grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
"Only because you called me Minnow," I said, with a watery smile. I wanted to scream, but swallowed it down. "Tell me all about baby Joy. She must be teething by now," I said.
She walked me back through the elf camp and into the human one, telling me about Joy, who was not only teething but trying to walk. She told me that Princess Elwen had arrived the night before, and that Berendine was waiting on her. We made plans for me to give Joy a check-up the next day, and talked pleasantly about when we thought she might start eating solids. Throughout our journey, was she careful to ensure she was a few steps behind me, instead of arm and arm with me as usual.
I was surrounded by people and yet I felt lonelier than I had ever felt in my life.
NB Thank you for your kind reviews! I'm updating weekly - the plan is to have 25 chapters in total.