Mistress Healer

by Larry1710

Desperate to escape her life as Tolfalas' midwife, Minnow travels to the mainland. Despite being no stranger to bloodshed, she finds herself completely unprepared for the war against The Enemy, the strange and chaotic customs of Elves and Dwarves, and falling in love. A slow burn and build about a woman working as a healer in a war zone in Middle Earth. Updates regularly.

12. Chapter 12

"Her heart did whisper that he had done it for her."

Elizabeth Bennet, Pride & Prejudice

I can count the number of men I've kissed on one hand. It's a motley bunch. The first was when I was sixteen, a young fisherman called Costas whose fate is not known to me (rumour has it that he's a pirate now), the second was Denvy of all people (deeply embarrassing, but we weathered through it into friendship) and the third was (rather unexpectedly) a mercurial and ancient Elf.

It took a few long seconds to realise I had pressed a kiss (a kiss!) onto the lips of Lord Glorfindel, an elf, but not just any immortal being, oh no, a high lord, an elf who had been born in Valinor in the light of the Two Trees, who had been sent back to Arda by the Valar themselves, after he died fighting - and killing (!) a Balrog, an Elf who was seven thousand years old, and currently battling against whatever Elvish notions of decency forbade him from desiring a low-born, illegitimate healer with little to no decorum.

It was, shall we say, a bold move.

I froze and broke away, looking into his wide blue eyes. I could feel a deep blush across my cheeks and chest, signalling just how much I had enjoyed merely touching him, but also the strength of my embarrassment. He looked surprised, and a little dazed to my eternal satisfaction.

I held my breath in anticipation of rejection.

But to my eternal amazement, instead, he reached out his hand to hold my neck, and stroked my cheek slowly with his thumb. This was, I thought dimly, the most glorious thing to ever happen to me. My whole body felt like it was on fire.

Thus emboldened, I kissed him again. And again. And again and again until my hands slid up his chest and his hands were in my hair.

It took all my willpower not to throw myself into his arms and wrap myself around him, but deciding that might be too much for him, I slowly deepened and then ended the kiss and then pecked him very chastely on the nose.

He seemed to be entranced by my curls.

"I have always wanted to touch your hair," he whispered, kissing my hairline, his hands now entwined in mine.

In the world's history of first kisses, I think we would have toppled even Luthien and Beren from the top spot.

But nothing good lasts forever. He seemed to intuit I was tired, and a little shaky, and wrapped me in his cloak as I settled to sleep on his chest. I felt very reluctant to stop touching him and it seems he felt the same way.

"Stop staring at me," I told him, sleepily.

"I cannot, strange and tiny human," he said, softly in Sindarin, stroking my hair. I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

And so, everything between us silently and irrevocably shifted. If, on the road before, we had fought and sulked, silent one moment and then shouting the next, now we were quiet and a little shy around each other, content to be in each other's company, exhausted from the trials and tribulations of saving the dwarves from a plague.

We avoided the awkward conversations I had pursued so diligently before. Perhaps we were tired of being on edge with one another. For the first time in Valar knew how long, I felt at peace. Safe, even.

It was dizzying to be so close to him.

Even though I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, I didn't want to do or say anything that would threaten what I felt was growing between us.

And so, I decided to relish and savour what I had. Holding his large, slightly calloused fingers in mine. Kissing his smooth jawline. The look on his face when he played with my curls. Falling asleep in his arms.

I had thought that he might be angry when I had kissed him. His protestations of his degeneracy had hurt my feelings a lot and tapped into insecurities I thought I had lost.

But I wondered if his reluctance had been countered by both my autonomy and my rebuke of his words. I had never, and would likely never, fawn over Glorfindel like I had seen Elwen do. Perhaps some of his reluctancy came from insecurity about whether I returned his affection. After all, he was used to being chased and admired by women, whereas I had been critical of him.

I imagined it had probably done his ego good to be in doubt of his feelings being returned, although I was frustrated it had evolved into worry about inappropriateness.

I liked that I had used my own agency, although it was deeply unfashionable for a woman to make even a declaration of affection towards a man in Gondor. Lind and her various etiquette teachers had drummed it into me that women could only receive or reject favours from a man; they could never (ever) express desire themselves. Men were not to be objects of desire, passive like women were. No; they were to be hunters and hunt down their own desires.

I had always disliked the idea of being hunted or sought after by a man. I wanted to make my own decisions, rather than to react to a man's.

But perhaps, I mused, it was different for Elves. I had certainly learned a lot about their social norms. Glorfindel must be aware that he was a figure of interest for elleth and women alike, even though he had never expressed an opinion on it to me. Perhaps the beauty of Elves meant that it was more appropriate to express desire both ways. I wondered if they were all constantly fighting over each other.

And yet, for Glorfindel to remain unmarried for so long, and to have such tightly held ideas about the sanctity of marriage and sex… and then respond so strongly to being kissed… perhaps Elves were simply repressed? I observed Glorfindel's figure as we trotted along, and he simply turned around and winked at me.

There was much to think on, but I found that I couldn't think about anything in any great depth when there was the prospect of kissing Glorfindel.

The two weeks' travel back to camp felt like a strange and lovely dream. He told me about his childhood in Valinor under the Two Trees as we rode. At lunch I would stretch, and he would smile at me and kiss me. Every night, after asking me about my own childhood, I fell asleep curled up next to Glorfindel, safe under his cloak, his hair tickling my nose. He smelled of leather and oranges, and felt safe. At night, sometimes he reached for his necklace around my neck and fiddled with it as he hummed a tune I didn't recognise.

It all felt very strange, indeed, like there was no war waiting for us. As if there were only two people in the whole of Middle Earth, and it was just me and Glorfindel.

If I had always thought that Glorfindel was a much-misunderstood character, even among his own people, I found that there was much more than I guessed to learn about the mercurial elf. The melancholy I could feel in him was deep set, and the loss of his father had wounded him deeply. He didn't speak much about his father or his death in Gondolin, but rather around it. He showed a little more of the vulnerability that had made me feed protective, but also there was a resilience to him that surprised me. Often, I had felt that despite our shorter lives and frailer bodies, humans were stronger mentally than Elves, but I was no longer so sure. Elves were perhaps more open about their pain and sadness. Maybe they understood it better. They certainly had to live with it longer.

Despite the shyness, and tentative displays of affection that were now commonplace between us, Glorfindel felt emboldened to share some harsh truths.

"You are no horsewoman," he told me, shaking his head. I rolled my eyes at him, inured to his criticism by my kiss-swollen lips. As I was taking more time to observe him, instead of sulking and ignoring him as I had on the way there, I had noticed that he had an exact way of doing things. Thousands of years of practice, I thought, which no human would ever get. No wonder I wasn't an expert horsewoman.

"Perhaps I am riding the human way," I told him.

"Even for the human way, you are doing it wrong," he said, moving his horse closer to mine. "I would be remiss in my responsibilities as a soldier if I didn't correct you."

Despite protestations that I wasn't under his command (which made us both blush for some reason), I allowed Glorfindel to adjust my posture, my grip on the reins, my thighs, how I moved as cantered… I let him manhandle me into a better position with pleasure.

"You are enjoying this too much," he grumbled, and I grinned smugly in his face. "If you do not improve by the time we return…" he muttered.

I asked why he hadn't mentioned it on the ride to the Brown Lands but he merely scowled at me.

His directions did, I had to concede, make the horse riding easier and put less pressure on my back. He was a good teacher, thorough and understanding, but rather exacting (much like Thavron), even though I was very distracted every time he touched me. But I did want to please him and having an Elvish instructor was a privilege available to few; I didn't know the future and perhaps I would need to ride long distances again, and without someone as experienced as Glorfindel to lean on.

There was so much to learn from Glorfindel, I thought. Unfortunately, I could not always pick the subject: I had already learnt more than I wanted to about telescope lens.

After a week, he let me help him brush down Elanor, and eventually, under his careful supervision and watchful eye, I managed to brush her down all by myself.

"Hurrah!" I said, on completing my task and threw myself into his arms. He held me tightly for a second.

"You have acquitted yourself well. You no longer shame your ancestors."

"You will turn my head if you carry on in that manner," I replied. He hummed.

"We will reach your camp tomorrow," he told me, softly. I nodded, glumly.

He traced the curve of my ear. "So strange," he whispered.

"Your ears are strange," I said, smiling up at him.

"I was born first, therefore I set the precedent. It is your ears that are the outlier," he said, his nose in my hair.

"All that proves is that you have been strange for longer," I said, breathlessly.

He laughed and pressed up against him as I was, I could feel it in his chest. Lazily, he smiled down at me and pulled my hair slowly, so I tilted my face up to him. He leant down and kissed me.

I wish I could say it was not obvious how much I was affected by the mostly chaste kiss. All the hair on my arms and neck were standing on end, and I was shivering.

He leant down to kiss my neck and I moaned. He laughed at me and kissed my neck again, biting me a little. In retaliation, I mischievously licked along the curve of his ear. He froze, grabbed the sides of my arms, and stepped back to look at my face.

"I'm… I'm sorry," I said, disturbed at his actions.

"That was… intimate," he said, stilted. He was very flushed and the tips of his ears have gone pink.

"We're kissing?" I said, confused. Was that not intimate?

"I am not ready for that."

"For kissing?" I asked, still confused.

"To lie with you," he said. I blushed, deeply.

"What? I.. what? You touched my ear earlier… I'm not ready either!" I said, flustered.

This was the one subject that we had both avoided for two weeks and yet I thought about it constantly. While before I had wanted to know everything, I had wanted to fill in the gaps in my knowledge about bonding, and I wanted to understand how Glorfindel felt about me in that regard, now I had changed my tune. Now I was just as embarrassed as him, partially by my own inexperience and feeling a little out of my depth, and partly because the possibility of lying with him, of being intimate with him felt closer than ever. But it also felt far away too, in a way I could not explain. I did not want to think about it just yet. I wanted to enjoy the here and now, the sweet kisses, holding him close, his lips in my hair and his hands on my waist. I didn't want to think about anything else, because soon it would be back to the battlefront and I would have no time for anything other than healing and bloodshed.

"You have not done anything wrong… perhaps it is an Elvish custom, and not a human one." He looked down at me, pensively.

I wondered, horrified, if I had gone too far.

I knew then that I was terrified of scaring him away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I thought you would like it," I said, upset.

"Oh, I liked it," he said, in a low voice. I shivered. The amount of control he had over himself was extraordinary. And yet, his eyes, so unlike a human's eyes, had turned such a dark grey. He kissed me softly.

"For Elves, kissing another's ears is an intimate gesture that signifies that you wish to consummate the relationship," he told me, in a low and quiet voice.

"Right," I said, swallowing uncomfortably, but holding eye contact.

"Sex, Minnow," he said, smiling at me.

How the tables had turned, I thought. Now he had the power to discompose me. It was very unfair, how pleased with himself he looked, I thought.

As he wrapped me up in his cloak and drew me to his side as we slept next to each other, I wondered how long this peace and serenity between us would last. Usually, whatever tenuous connection between Glorfindel and I felt as though it was on the edge of a knife and would slip at any moment. The two months were a blip, I thought, sadly, a wonderful blip, and now I had to go back to my real life, of war, pain, drudgery, and the constant fight to keep people alive.

But it was important, and it was what I had chosen, I reminded myself.

We both looked morose the next morning and didn't speak much as we drew into sight of the camp. But we exchanged significant looks, although I didn't know what his meant, I tried to imbue mine with meaning. I've been so happy the last few weeks with you. You mean everything to me. I'm going to miss you so much when we are parted.

I sniffed, and Glorfindel smiled at me, a little sadly.

As we entered the camp, we came to a stop at the makeshift stables, and he helped me off Elanor, and gave the reins of the horses to an elf and quickly rattled off instructions in Sindarin.

"Come," he said.

Glorfindel took my hand and pulled me behind a large oak tree at the edge of the camp, shielded from view. He looked deep into my eyes, then kissed me lightly. Then, to my eternal surprise, he hoisted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and holding me close. He kissed me very roughly and squeezed my hips tightly with both his hands. I did not know what had come over him; only a month ago he could not even discuss sex with me! However, I was not complaining. Perhaps this was his way of saying goodbye to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him even closer towards me.

Someone coughed behind us.

I made a strange squeaking noise and Glorfindel gently dropped me. My knees went weak, and I stumbled, but quickly stood up and tried to compose myself.

For his part, Elrond said nothing, and looked at me impassively for a second, then smirked.

"Did you have a good journey to the Brown Lands, Minnow?" he asked, as if he had not caught me in a compromising position with his friend.

A long pause.

"It was fine," I breathed, wishing the ground would swallow me up. I wished I was composed enough to chance a glance at Glorfindel. "Normal. I mean, fine. We met Durin and saved the dwarves and saw a forge-city and it was fine."

"Anything else to report?" he asked, delicately.

"I improved my horse-riding skills," I told him, at length.

"Well, you could hardly have become worse," said Glorfindel, casually, as if his friend had not caught us in a compromising position. I glared at him. "You may be interested to know that Elanor is Elrond's horse," continued the Elf.

"I… thank you, Lord Elrond," I said, shocked at this new information. Elrond had supplied his own horse for this journey?! I did not know what to make of that.

Glorfindel grinned down at me.

"This is a rather interesting development. I see you have stopped fighting it," said Elrond in Sindarin to Glorfindel, who scowled at him.

"Welcome back to the camp. You are both to report to Elendil's tent. Follow me," he said and turned on his heel, letting us walk behind him.

We walked off in the direction of the royal tent. I was not keen to see the king again, but at least we brought him good news.

"Did you do that on purpose, elf?" I hissed at my partner in crime as we walked through the camp. The soldiers looked at us every so often, but elves were commonplace now, even the Balrog Slayer. The ones I recognised waved at me, but most kept their eyes on their activities; cleaning weapons and boots and sewing up rips in their uniform. I had forgotten how shabby and tired our soldiers were looking.

"What do you think, human?" was my reply. He looked entirely too pleased with himself. Glorfindel in a very good mood was the most infuriating incarnation of the glowing elf yet.

"I may die of embarrassment."

"I see, is it because Elrond is so handsome and charming and gorgeous?" he whispered, an edge to his voice.

I bit my lip to stop smiling at him. It seemed that Glorfindel was slightly jealous of Elrond - or rather my profuse admiration of him.

"More so than you, wretch!" I whispered.

He laughed and it was like the tinkling of bells. Suddenly, the weight of how much I was going to miss him hit me.

At last, the three of us entered Elendil's tent, where Isildur and Gil-galad were waiting. Annie was there too. He smiled at me and I flashed a smile at him before lowering my eyes again.

I kept my head down but could feel Isildur's eyes on me.

In Westron, Glorfindel gave an account of what transpired in the Dwarvish domain; how they had been afflicted with plague and their fears this would inhibit their weapon production. He extolled my virtues in a way that showed he was entirely disinterested in me, which I was glad of but amazed that he could switch so effectively into a reporting commander again. I heard how I had nursed the sick dwarves back to health, with a few losses, and found the cause of their sickness, and Gil-galad and Elrond praised me profusely.

He then passed a letter to Elendil that I did not know he possessed. When had Durin the third given it to him, I wondered.

"He has promised more Dwarvish clans for the last battle and more money from their deep pockets, my lord," he said to the human king.

"Your assistance with this matter is greatly appreciated, Lord Glorfindel. Your diplomacy is unparalleled," said Elendil, smiling widely.

"Lady Minnow's expertise in healing has ensured that relations between the dwarves and Men flourished, my lord," said Glorfindel.

"You have done us proud, Lady Minnow," said Elendil, looking deep into my eyes. I murmured my thanks and was thankfully, dismissed. Isildur had not spoken, which made me feel glad but also apprehensive.

I left them to speak amongst themselves, but Annie followed me out the tent.

"Minnow!" cried Annie, with a wide smile and bowed deeply to me. I curtseyed back at him. "How well it is to see you."

I made a comment about being glad to be back in the camp.

"You must be tired, I will accompany you to the healer's tents," he told me, and took my arm. We walked companionably for a few seconds before I recollected myself and my manners.

"I've been away for so long… have I missed much in the camp? What news?"

Annie told me that the bridge was now finished, after quite a few false starts, and that they were beginning to prepare for the long march to Dagorland at last and finally meet with the soldiers from the north.

"And how were the dwarves?" he asked. I went into more depth about Yagel, Evena and Durin, and expounded at length on how much I liked them. He looked thoughtful. I spoke energetically about the forge-city and told him that I wished now to see a Gondorian city for comparison which I hoped would please him.

"And how was your companion?" he enquired further.

"Glorfindel? Oh, a little quiet on the way there and back, and unsettled in the caves, but otherwise, he was distant but mostly courteous," I said, a little embarrassed. It was a lie, although it was mostly true.

"Indeed?" Annie gave me a long look. It was clear Glorfindel's conversation with Elrond that we had overheard many months ago now was still in his thoughts. He knew we had quarrelled all those months ago, but did not know it was about a dowry to marry him, and he knew Glorfindel had expressed feelings for me.

I hoped my face was suitably neutral.

I prayed to the Valar that he had not seen us kissing against a tree earlier. Glorfindel had never said that we were to be a secret, indeed, we had not really talked about what was between us, but I didn't want to advertise it. I couldn't imagine anything good coming of our liaison being widely known.

"Indeed. I am glad to be back among mortals," I said, with a smile. It was mostly true. I was excited about seeing Thavron and Rin again – and even Astro, and of course, Annie.

"I am being sent to Minas Tirith," he told me, after a long pause. There was word of an imminent attack, he explained, and they needed someone to command the city if it took place. I wondered, rather idly, if they didn't want the entire royal line in the same battle; if Elendil and Isildur fell in the last battle, Annie would have to rule.

"How strange that I've been to a dwarf city before a Gondorian city," I said, a bit wistfully. After the forge-city, I was keen for new sights. I made a comment about how he must be glad to be seeing his sister, and he smiled widely.

"I am worried for her safety, but Minas Tirith is a strong city and can withhold a siege," he said.

As we walked through the camp, and he told me what had happened in my absence. A few minor attacks by squads of goblins, one outbreak of lice (I shuddered), and the bridge that his men had been building had to be rebuilt twice but was now sturdy enough for all the men to cross it.

"I am glad you have returned to us, Minnow," he said, taking my hand and raising it to his lips to kiss it. I blinked in surprise: he had never been so courtly with me before. I watched him pensively as he walked back across the camp before entering the healer's tents.

"Min! You look like you've been on holiday," accused Thavron, before pulling me into a fierce embrace. He hugged me tightly and I breathed in his familiar smell.

"It is true, Min, you look well, indeed," agreed Rin in her calm way and kissed my cheek and hugged me close.

"I have so much to tell you all!" I said, my heart overflowing with joy at being back amongst the healers.

We sat around a campfire that evening and I told them, in detail, about healing the dwarves. Thavron wrote down everything that I said.

"We may yet end up healing dwarves at the Last Battle," he told me, quietly, when I asked why.

"I thought you'd be exhausted looking and pale after being down a mine for weeks," said Astro, "but you look like you've spent the whole time resting!"

I laughed at him, and I turned in for the night.

But it wasn't until Erik told me I was glowing, and a long uncomfortable night of tossing and turning on my camp bed without my favourite Elf that I realised that it might be more than the happiness of being lovestruck to my refreshed looks.

It occurred to me that when I was sleeping next to Glorfindel, I slept more soundly, more deeply and woke up more energetic than I had since I was a child. At the time I hadn't realised; I was too excited by his large wide hand holding mine as I drifted off to sleep to think that his Elvish magic might be healing my spirit and perhaps my body, too.

Elvish magic, I thought, wondrously, as I drifted off to sleep. It was strange to sleep without his presence.

The next day, I sought out Berendine. I gathered Joy in my arms and hugged her tight, breathing in her sweet baby smell. Berendine embraced me too. She looked a little tired, I thought, but was smiling widely at me.

"We've missed you, haven't we, Joy?" she said, settling on her camp bed, taking back her daughter and bouncing her on her knee.

"Gah!" gurgled Joy, drooling blissfully.

I'd missed them so much. I quickly filled them in about my time in the forge-city. They were a most receptive audience. Berendine gasped at all the appropriate moments and Joy stared at me in amazement and giggled as I waved my arms around.

"Lady dwarves – with beards! Oh Valar, I'd never have guessed."

When I told her about the rats, she grabbed Joy close to her and shuddered.

"Osgiliath is overrun with rats. It's one of the few things I do not miss about that city," she confided.

I was so close to telling her – to sharing my secret. I was desperate to tell someone, to gush about Glorfindel, to blush, to be teased, to do all the rites of passage with friends that I had done on the other side, with Rosa and the other villagers on Tolfalas. But as usual, I was set apart and I could not complain, for it was I who had decided to take an elf as a lover. But just as I was about to mention Glorfindel and hint at my feelings for him, Joy's little hand brushed against Berendine's sleeve, and I saw a dark bruise. The imprint of fingers around her wrist, dark purple and violent looking.

For the last ten minutes, recounting my adventures to my friend, my heart had soared, but now it sunk.

I had congratulated myself on escaping Isildur on my trip to the Brown Lands. Luckily, I had powerful friends like Glorfindel and Elrond who could and would protect me. Who did Berendine have to protect her – to protect Joy? Horrible visions of her bearing the wrath of a thwarted Isildur entered my mind. She could resent me – who had escaped the camp for six weeks and returned with yet more acclaim, an Elvish lover and a bag full of rubies.

What had Berendine endured in my absence?

I couldn't tell her – I did trust Berendine but with the shadow of Isildur hovering over her, it was safe. It wasn't fair to give her the burden of protecting me or hearing my secrets when she already had so much to bear. As much as I wanted to talk to her about it – to hear her thoughts about whatever was growing between me and Glorfindel… if she thought it was a good idea. Had she thought that becoming Isildur's mistress was a good idea at the time? Had she ever been in love with him? Did she still feel that pull towards him that women felt but I was somehow exempt from?

How was I to save her from him? Did she even wish to leave him? I did not know how to broach the subject.

"Anarion will be glad to see your return," she said with a smile, and I almost sighed out loud; not this again!

"He tells me he is to go to Minas Tirith soon," I said, neutrally.

"Indeed, I do not believe he can delay it any longer," was the mischievous reply.

"Gah gah gah!" chortled Joy, climbing onto my knee. I heaved her up onto my lap.

"He has been eagerly awaiting your arrival. Although how he can doubt Lord Glorfindel's ability to keep you safe, I know not. But you know what men are like! They always want to play the hero and save the damsel."

I had never thought of myself as a damsel in distress. If anyone needed saving, it was Annie.

"I think Glorfindel's presence repelled the orcs and goblins, or perhaps there was not much danger in the Brown Lands. I don't exactly know why he glows, but I think the dark creatures fear him in particular," I mused.

"There was a rumour that the Balrog Slayer had decided to accompany you because he had taken a shine to you, but do not worry, I made sure that everyone knew he was only repaying you for saving his life," carried on Berendine.

"Right," I said, disconcerted with more rumours spreading about me.

"I imagine if he were to take to a mortal, it would be a great lady like Princess Elwen!"

I almost snorted but agreed that Elwen was surely as beautiful as an Elvish princess.

"Perhaps it is well that Anarion believes that he has a rival, for he has lingered here to see you before he leaves for the city!" She smiled at me, and I tried to return it, and refute that Annie had any designs on me.

But I was deeply disconcerted by this news.

The next few days I didn't see Glorfindel at all for we were both busy with our respective duties. But he was constantly in my thoughts. I felt like a giddy schoolgirl. At night, I curled up and looked at his golden flower necklace around my neck and wondered if he was thinking of me.

But we healers were busy. Once again, I had to help packing up the healer's tent. Astro and I got into a rhythm with boxing up all the supplies and putting them on the carts. Life as a healer in the army was repetitive and time consuming, I thought, and being given rubies by the dwarf king was very much not an everyday occurrence.

"Back to grunt work, eh, Min?" said Astro, with a grin.

"Can't be swanning about with dwarves and elves the whole time, can it?" I replied, grinning back at him. I had missed our easy comradery.

Erik was supervising our work, much to Astro's consternation.

"Lazy git," he muttered, and I tried not to laugh.

Once we were almost packed up, Glorfindel and Elrond visited the almost empty healer's tents and had tea with Thavron. They were wearing their travelling clothes again, which were plain and beige, but it somehow made them look more regal.

Elrond made conversation about the dwarves, and how pleased everyone was with the outcome, and he and Thavron discussed how we might share resources in Dagorland.

I did not hear much of what they were saying.

Glorfindel and I sat next to each other, but I couldn't look at him. I didn't trust myself to – what if I started crying? I knew that the expression on my face, as usual, would betray everything I was thinking. As for him, his warmth was intense, and I felt his glow. He reached out tentatively and grasped my fingers in his under the table. I held on tightly.

"We are to leave as the sun rises tomorrow, Lady Minnow," Elrond told me.

"So soon?" I said, feeling forlorn at this inevitable parting.

"We have much ground to cover. We are meeting with our northern battalion in Dagorland and must reconvene there. There is much to do before the Last Battle," said Glorfindel, rather smoothly I thought.

He squeezed my hand.

"Dagorland," I said, contemplatively. It was where our doom would be decided.

We all stood and began our formal goodbyes. Elrond winked at me.

So gorgeous, I thought. The elleth who charms him will be a lucky one.

"The oak tree when the night falls," whispered Glorfindel to me, so quietly it was almost inaudible, as he bowed. I nodded and smiled at him.

We said goodbye formally, and I thanked him again for accompanying me to the Brown Lands and keeping me safe.

"I hope I will see you both again, soon," I said, and wished them safe travels. They walked out our camp in step.

I wondered if Glorfindel had discussed me with Elrond and envied him such a friendship.

"That elf is practically buzzing he's glowing so bright," said Thavron, accusatorily.

"Is that so?" I said, innocently.

"You're fooling no one, child," said Thavron, with a roll of his eyes, and walked away.

Glorfindel had barely said a word, but then again, neither had I. My heart was too full and I was too upset for pleasant conversation, even with my most trusted friends.

When it was dark enough, I weaved through the camp as quietly as I could, listening to the snoring of the men who were all in their tents at this late hour. A lot of them seemed to be having nightmares, I realised with a sinking heart, hearing them shout out for their mothers or women's names. It was never entirely safe for young women to walk through the camps, even in the day, for the men could be dangerous and so I was a little scared.

But I desperately wanted to say goodbye to Glorfindel properly.

As I reached the oak by the edge of the camp, a hand grabbed me and pulled me into an embrace. Glorfindel's softly glowing presence was revealed to me, and he held me tightly, my head tucked under his chin. For a while, I listened to the slow beat of his heart, and the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in.

"You came," he said, as if it were a request I could deny. I smiled.

He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. What began as soft and gentle turned into a deeper and deeper kiss. As I was still wearing my tunic and leggings, it was simple for him to hoist me up against the tree and easy for me to wrap my legs around him and pull him closer to me.

Someone moaned softly. I wasn't sure who it was, but the swearing in Quenya was most definitely him.

I could not say how long we kissed for, but the moon was high in the sky, and it felt like several hours and no time at all. He drew back and looked at me, focused and serious. His hair was entirely dishevelled, and it suited him. I was pleased to see that his lips were a little swollen too, and his eyes looked dark and almost glittery in the moonlight.

"Ai! Little sapling, I did not think it was in my nature, but here we are," he said softly.

I didn't know what he meant. Unfortunately, I didn't really have anything to say. I wanted him to kiss me more, and a large part of me was tempted to go further, to try and seduce him.

But it was a tree that he had me pinned against, on the outskirts of a camp full of sleeping soldiers. It really wasn't that romantic – as much as I was desperate for him, I was supposed to say something comforting, to reassure him of my feelings for him, and also, to prove I wasn't a degenerate prospect.

And asking him to take me against a tree metres away from soldiers in the dead of night was something a degenerate would do, I realised morosely. It would scare him off entirely.

Instead, I cast around for something more romantic to say to express myself.

"If I felt less, perhaps I could speak about it more," I said, rather breathlessly. His face was buried in my neck.

"When will I see you next?" I asked, rather futilely.

"I know not. I can only hope that it is in pleasant circumstances. I worry for your safety, but I trust in the Valar, and your prodigious skill and luck," he said. I trusted the Valar too, but I was impatient and said so.

"Ai!" he cried again, softly, and kissed me again. Then, he let me go and looked at me sadly. Glorfindel took out a letter and told me he would watch me walk across the camp so I would be safe.

It was so unfair, I thought, that we were now to be parted. I turned back three times to look at him, and he didn't move from where he stood next to the oak tree.

Thavron was waiting for me as I walked back into the camp. I sighed and tried to calm my nerves.

I didn't know how to explain myself, and so I decided not to bother. And I needn't have tried, for Thavron seemed unsurprised, only angry and worried.

"I know exactly where you've been, missy, and exactly who you've been with," he hissed at me.

"Does anyone else?" I asked, worriedly.

"Hmmph! No, I think not."

"Well… can you blame me?" I said, smiling mischievously.

Thavron gave me an astonished look.

"Oh Minnow. You will be careful, with your heart and your body? I know you're a midwife and he's an Elf, but now is not the time for any… surprises," said Thavron, looking worried.

I gaped at him. He thought I was going to get pregnant?

"You're going to have bruises around your neck tomorrow," he accused, peering at me, his arms crossed.

I blushed. Glorfindel had been a little rougher than usual with me, and it was very likely I would have love bites on my neck. Luckily, we healers wore headscarves.

"You need to learn to be sneakier, girl, if you're going to have an affair with an Elf, and not just any Elf," warned Thavron, who dragged me to the cart and pulled out a jar of arnica. He swept aside my hair and rubbed it on my neck.

"We were hardly… we just said goodbye," I said, a little petulantly.

"This time," he said, meaningfully. He raised his eyebrows at me. "I would have thought he would be more careful, but they say the older you are when you fall, the dafter you'll be."

"Is that true for you when you fell for Varin?" I asked.

He snorted.

"I do not judge you, Minnow," he said, suddenly. "It is your life, your heart, your body to do with what you wish. I certainly have."

"Thank you, Thavron," I said, wanting to cry.

"Oh Min, I must say you do have exquisite taste," he said, pulling me into an embrace. I cried silently on his shoulder, my nose and eyes running, and my body shaking.

As I went to sleep that night, I thought about all that had transpired. While I was going to miss Glorfindel like I had an appendage missing, I wasn't sure I was quite comfortable with being this upset over a lover. I felt more than a little out of control.

The next day, I felt flat, like undrunk sparkling wine.

The elves had left, and we were to leave the day after for Dagorland. As I had found on the year on the road with the army, there is no privacy and I had no time to read my letter. Tucked into my tunic, I took it everywhere with me, but I had no spare moment to look at it.

"On the road, again, to meet Old Stinky," said Astro, tying the last of our supplies onto the final cart.

Erik spat, and then looked at me. "Yes, yes, I know, you hate spitting!"

"It's unhygienic," I muttered, annoyed.

Thavron and Rin strode over to us. They had been to speak to Elendil, I guessed. What did our king want now, I wondered.

"You and Rin are to travel to Minas Tirith," announced Thavron. I looked between the two of them, confused. Healers were certainly not needed in the city; there was a huge infirmary there, the legendary houses of healing.

"What, why?" I asked, confused.

"Anarion is taking a troop to Minas Tirith to defend the city," he explained. I knew that already. Why did I need to go? Rin grabbed me and dragged me away to retrieve my belongings from the cart.

"He has asked for you to accompany him specifically," she whispered. I could see from her face that she expected me to be pleased with this news. "I for one am happy to return to Minas Tirith for a time. There will be more healers from the north, and we may yet join the Last Battle from another direction."

"And you want a bath," I said with a smile. She had talked about the baths of Minas Tirith before; they were apparently rather impressive and luxurious.

"And I want a bath! I would love to sleep in a bed," she said, smiling.

Annie had been worried about my safety before, I remembered. Perhaps he thought I would be safer in the city than at Dagorland, but I would be more use with the main army, and I was more likely to see Glorfindel again.

And could it be that he did not want me to see Glorfindel again? Was I truly that suspicious? I had told Annie only days ago how much I wanted to see a city of Men, and he had made this happen.

Perhaps I had brought this about myself.

Rin had produced two brown riding habits from somewhere, which I put on over my leggings. I felt as close to a lady as I had ever been.

Annie stood, looking pleased with himself and handsomer than ever, holding the reins to three horses.

"Horses, again," I muttered. My thighs and back had not yet recovered.

Rin greeted him and was far more courteous, and I just nodded. I wasn't sure if I was annoyed that I hadn't been consulted and wasn't allowed to choose where I was to go, but then, I was a healer in the war, I told myself. I was at their command.

We hit the road that very afternoon; Annie's small battalion of men and the two female healers. It was a three-week trip to the city. The time seemed to stretch ahead of me, and it felt like eternity.

My horse was called Jet and was a shiny black nag that was considerably smaller than Elrond's warhorse. I managed to mount the horse with ease, and it almost felt right to be on a horse again.

It was certainly better than walking in the mud behind a cart, I told myself.

"Your seat is excellent. I did not think you to be such an accomplished horsewoman," said Annie, with a smile. It was a stark difference to the admonishment that Glorfindel had heaped on me for holding my reins the wrong way.

"I had the opportunity to improve on the way to the Brown Lands," I told him. Then, taking pity on him I told him that Glorfindel had not been impressed by my skill and told me in no uncertain terms that I was shaming my ancestors.

"There were only three horses in all of Tolfalas so it is fortuitous that I learnt to ride at all!" I told him with a smile, and Annie laughed.

"I have never met anyone who loved to learn as much as you do," said Annie.

I smiled wanly at him and asked him what he thought the weather would be like.

Later that night, as I unfolded my camp bed and lay down next to Rin, who was already snoring, I took out the letter Glorfindel had given me. It was not a long letter, but I had not thought that was his style. In beautiful Sindarin script, he had written:

I will be in agony until I see you again.

Underneath, he had drawn a small flower.

I pressed it to my heart.

Over the next few days, I thought endlessly about his handwriting, deciding it denoted a boldness of spirit, a decisiveness, and even masculine strength until I realised that I missed him so much that I was reading into everything. For all that he was the Elvish masculine ideal, his hair was longer than mine, he was prettier and more elegant than me and he loved flowers.

Glorfindel, like many Elves, existed in a strange liminality that I did not fully understand but felt drawn to. His severe face was at once deeply masculine and devastatingly beautiful, joyful and melancholy, kind but brutal, patient but angry.

Perhaps it would make more sense when I met an elleth, I thought. I hoped I would meet one soon, but it seemed unlikely.

"Are you well, Min?" asked Rin, looking at my face as we cantered along the road. The soldiers were friendly and self-sufficient, and luckily didn't need our help we were moving at a faster pace than usual.

"Constant travelling is making me tired, but there is nothing to worry about," I assured her.

I pretended I was fine, but in all honesty, I felt something akin to homesickness for Glorfindel. I felt as if there was now a cord between us, attached to my left rib that was in danger of snapping and leaving me to bleed internally. A few months was nothing to an Elf who had lived for millennia. But it would be agony for me.

There was nothing I could do but endure it, I thought, annoyed.

Over the next two weeks, I leant heavily on Annie, relying on him for company and to distract. I asked him all about Minas Tirith and what I could expect, and he obliged me by going into great detail.

"I am excited for you to see Minas Tirith, Lady Minnow, and hear your opinion," said Annie, a week into our trip. And indeed, his joy was infectious. After a while, I began to feel it too.

It was nice to talk to him. He had led such a different life than me, harder in some, and more privileged in many but it was easier to relate to and find common ground than Glorfindel's stories of magic glowing trees.

"And I think Minas Tirith will be safer for you than Dagorland," continued Annie. It was as I had guessed; Annie had arranged my presence on this trip because he wished to keep me out of harm.

But was to danger orcs, or his brother?

"Could Berendine and Joy not have come too?" I asked softly. Rin seemed to think that Annie and I had lots to talk about, and often lingered behind on her horse so we could speak together. I found it very annoying and did my best to bring her back into the conversation: I was too tired to converse constantly.

But for once, I did not want to be overheard.

Annie looked surprised but said nothing. It was his way, I had realised, to ponder over how much he should reveal to me.

"I am sorry to ask such an indelicate question… but Joy is your niece," I said, plaintively. He must know on some level what his brother was like, and even if no one would formally recognise her, surely Joy had some rights?

"I have a lot of nieces and nephews," said Annie, wearily.

"How many?" I asked tentatively.

"Almost a hundred to my knowledge," was the horrifying reply. I gasped. Isildur was a young man, certainly for a Numenorean and could easily live another two hundred years. He had already begot a hundred children!

In a thousand years, all the Men on Arda will be his direct relation, I thought, horrified. How did he have any time for soldiering? Where had he found the women on the battlefield? I had so many questions, but I didn't have the heart to hear the answers.

"He has been asked. He will not release them. Even my father does not want a baby – yes indeed, his own grandchild, at the Last Battle. But Isildur's will is strong."

We shared a look, but so many things went unsaid.

I longed to tell him that I would much rather that he expend his energy on rescuing Berendine and Joy who were a lot more vulnerable and had no business being on a battlefield, than me, a healer who had chosen to be at the heart of the fight. But I had saved Annie's life, and so therefore he owed me. It was his brother who was my biggest threat.

I couldn't imagine how it must feel to have such a brother, and to live under his shadow.

At the campfire that evening, Annie sat down beside me and asked me what I planned to do when the war was won.

I pondered a little. I had not given it much thought, but there were some ideas pottering around in my head.

"Further training, I think. There is much I still wish to learn; I realised that much when I visited the dwarves' forge-city. I was ill-equipped to deal with a plague. And I believe that there could be many advancements made if the Free Peoples of Middle Earth shared their knowledge. Perhaps an apprenticeship would suit me."

"You wish to carry on being a healer?" asked Annie, surprised.

"I can't imagine why I would stop!" I said, smiling. I supposed he thought I would give it all up to be a full-time lady, attending balls and sewing circles. That would certainly not be to my taste.

"Can you not?" he asked, looking at me, earnestly.

"Well, perhaps this war will take a toil upon us all," I said, a little morosely, turning my attention the fire. "I only hope that my friends make it out in one piece. Nothing is yet set in stone."

It wasn't long before we reached the city. Annie had told me much about it: how it was a relatively young city and had been built by the faithful Numenoreans and for them, it was a testament to the enduring spirit of Men. I wasn't sure how I felt about Numenoreans, nor any people who seemed to take pride in their own exceptionalism. It seemed like folly to me, but then I had led a sheltered life until very recently.

He told me the city had originally been named Minas Arnor, which meant the Tower of the Sun, but had been renamed Tower of the Guard as the Enemy rose in Mordor.

This made me very apprehensive to see the white city. We were entirely too close to Old Stinky for my liking.

But I was unprepared for my reaction: the sight of the city took my breath away. We were many leagues away on a flat plane when I saw it rise from the ground. I had never seen anything of that size; it looked bigger than mountains! It looked like a white volcano, I thought, rather foolishly.

The size of it made me feel small. As we approached, I saw that Minas Tirith was glorious. Huge towers and huge domes of white marble. Towers so high I could not see their end in the glittering sun.

Annie smiled proudly at my gobsmacked reaction as we rode through the gates. But it was not to last.

The city was filthy. I was used to the smell of fish, the smell of death and the smell of filth and all these scents hit my nose and some others I could not recognise.

I saw much poverty as we rode round the rings up to the citadel. War had made many widows and orphans, I thought as I watched as urchins threaded through the crowds trying to sell their paltry wares and picking pockets. This was Anarion's beloved city, I wondered, sad.

And yet, by the time we reached the upper rings, there was a change. Gone were the homeless beggars on the street, gone was the rotten smell, replaced by lords and ladies in their finery promenading. You would not have known there was a war on in the upper echelons of Gondorian society, I realised. Perhaps they did not want to know of anyone else's suffering. I imagined they would think it vulgar.

There was an entourage waiting for Prince Anarion in the courtyard at the top of citadel. I recognised Princess Elwen's tall figure and long shiny hair, but I also

saw someone I recognised. Annie, ever the lordly figure, helped Rin and I down from our horses and holding me by the arm, presented me to his sister.

I curtseyed deeply. Elwen threw herself into her brother's arms, which I must say, endeared her to me greatly. Speechless with joy I walked over to the lady who was standing behind her.

"Minnow," whispered Lind, crying. "Is it truly you?"

I nodded, silent with emotion. "Lind."

We held each other's hands for a second and then I could not resist: I embraced her too.

"Come to Princess Tinthel's quarters at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning," she bid me. A lone tear dripped off her nose.

"I am so glad to see you!" I whispered back. She must be staying in the Dol Amroth household, I realised. I wondered if Tinthel would even recognise me.

The soldiers went to their barracks, Rin rushed off to the houses of healing after telling me to go rest, Annie left to speak to the council, and Elwen herself took me to my chambers. I found that my apartments in the citadel were extensive. I could not believe that I had all this space all to myself. I had been placed, to my great surprise, adjacent to the royal family's apartments. A large bay window with a balcony big enough for a table and chairs, a sitting room to receive guests, and a large bedroom that was bigger than my grandmother's cottage.

After months in a tent, I was now to be sleeping in a four-poster bed. It had curtains – my bed had its own curtains!

I pulled the sash on one experimentally.

"You are not fashionable, so therefore will not be in much demand by the court," said Elwen, as she gave me the tour.

Do not laugh, I told myself. I cannot laugh at princesses.

I remembered that once The High King of the Noldor, Gil-Galad had said I had a gift of making friends. This was apparently not in this city, but I did not mind. The friends I had were more than enough.

"Thank you, my lady," I told her. She tentatively put her hand on my upper arm and squeezed it, before nodding and taking her leave.

I rolled around in the large bed, relishing the space. I was almost too excited to sleep but sleep I did. I sunk into the soft bed and instantly sleep claimed me.

The next morning, I found someone had been in my rooms, lit the fire in the hearth, and left me a tray of coffee, and porridge filled with fruit and honey. I found this wholly unnerving to be waited upon by an invisible servant while I slept (in my travelling clothes – I had only managed to take my boots off!). My servant had left four dresses for me to choose from, and a jug of water with which to wash.

After my ablutions, I donned a green dress and some suitable slippers, and asked around until a servant took me to the Princess Tinthel's quarters. There, waiting impatiently in the sitting room, was Lind.

There was no little amount of screaming and jumping up and down. She demanded to know what I had been up to, where I had been, why I was so thin and darker than ever, and how on earth I had become a noble! I told her almost everything.

However, there was a gaping hole in my recounting of the last year and his name was Glorfindel.

For her part, Lind looked well. She had put on weight, and it suited her. Her red hair had been styled elaborately, which I took for the fashion in Minas Tirith, and her gown was exquisite.

"This city is everything I could ask for," she gushed. I was glad she was having a good time.

Lind showed me Minas Tirith, and it was clear that not only did she love the city, but the city loved her back. She had many friends who stopped and introduced themselves to me. She took me to seamstresses to check on gowns and asked me if I liked the dresses she had picked out for me. She showed me the best gardens for promenading in, and the ones to avoid ("unfashionable and there is a man here who pinches," she told me), and where the tea and coffee houses were. She even took me to a library.

"I knew you would not rest until you had seen one!" she laughed. It was one of the Royal private libraries, she told me, and not the large, cavernous libraries that belong to the scribes. It had a big window with a view out to the plains, and a few reading nooks. I slid a book of Sindarin poetry from a shelf and opened it: it wasn't very old, but it had Annie's name and age written in the corner of the first page.

Anarion, son of Elendil, age 14.

How sweet, I thought. Of course, he liked poetry. It was romantic poetry as well.

I slipped it into the pocket of my dress.

We returned back to Princess Tinthel's quarters for a late lunch which I hastily devoured. There were many vegetables and grains I didn't recognise, as they came from the north Lind explained, and unfortunately I was too hungry to notice. Months of lembas bread and porridge had ruined my taste buds. Everything else was now too intense.

"We've both been invited to a small party at Elwen's quarters in a few days," she said, looking at the scroll that had just been delivered.

"Oh?" I said, pouring my third cup of tea.

"She has been most attentive since she brought back your letter. Before, Tinthel and I could not get her to speak two words to us, even though she's the princess of Dol Amroth and almost her equal! She keeps to herself, does Elwen."

I found that very interesting, and a little alarming.

"But she knows everyone and an invitation from her, well, it's gold dust. There are many eligible men at court, and we rely on her, or Tin's brother to introduce us. And he is always busy," said Lind, sounding put out.

"Your trials are heavy, indeed," I said, helping myself to a second piece of shortcake.

"We bear it well," said Lind, entirely serious. I laughed a little at her.

"Well, I have been in the company of men for far too long and I must say, a little female companionship is what I crave. I wouldn't mind talking about dresses or sewing…"

"Embroidery," corrected Lind, crossing her arms and looking sulky.

"Whatever it is that ladies like," I said, dismissively with a mouth full of shortcake.

"My father will be pleased to know that your table manners have regressed," she said, pointedly.

"I've lived off cold porridge for a year!"

"I remain unmarried after a year in Minas Tirith! I need your help!" she cried.

I started to make a comment about all the men being at war when Princess Tinthel entered the room, and I hastily stood up and swallowed the sugary cake. Lind introduced us and we both curtseyed, as if I had never been a maid in her palace in Dol Amroth.

Perhaps it was better not to mention it, I thought.

"We have an invite to Princess Elwen's private chambers for a dinner!" blurted Lind.

"Prince Anarion," breathed the princess of Dol Amroth. I looked at her askance. "Ai! The prince of the city has returned to us."

"I hear that his brother is far more handsome and has performed many valiant deeds?" said Lind, softly to me. I had to hand it to her; her ambition was met with sheer practicality. Well, there were two princes, and they could have one each, I thought, looking hungrily at the remaining cakes.

"Do not discount him, Lind, for Anarion is very much the better man," I whispered to her.

"And you spent three weeks with him on the road, and before that time in the Elvish camp. What can you tell us of him?" demanded Tinthel.

I wasn't sure what to say, so I spoke a little about his kindness and friendliness and the life of a soldier, and how he had been injured, and some of the deeds he had done. This was apparently, wrong.

"We require details about him," said Lind.

"Details we can use," Tinthel said, leaning towards me.

I sighed. "He likes his soldiers, and is fond of his sister, and he likes poetry and he told me that he can't wait to eat a venison pie now he is back in Minas Tirith."

"Good," said Tinthel, leaning back and closing her eyes.

I felt a little sorry for Annie, but I was sure that he could handle it. Perhaps some women vying for his attention was exactly what he needed to feel like he could compete with Isildur for attention. I vowed not to worry about it, although I found Tinthel's behaviour a little too enthusiastic and mercenary for my liking.

After another day of catching up with Lind and exploring the upper rings of the city, I thought I should head to the house of healing to do my duty.

Rin collected me in the morning and took me on a tour of the Houses of Healing, the supplies (plentiful) and then the wards (full). It was very busy full of healers in blue robes, but very different from our battle side healer tents despite how large the ward was. For one, there were a fair number of children in the infirmary with rashes, bad colds and fevers, with their worried parents by their side. I hadn't seen a child apart from Joy for over a year. I wondered why the healers did not separate them into their own ward. Another reason it felt both busy and quiet. No one was screaming, no one was amputating a limb, and no one looked in danger of dying. There were few injuries. It mostly seemed to be fevers, and a few cases of food or alcohol poisoning judging by the men in the corner throwing up into buckets. As Rin took me to see where the healing school was, I heard a shout.

"Minnow!" came a voice. I turned on my heel, recognising it immediately.

"Varin!"

I heard someone snapping for us not to run in the corridor, but I ignored it and threw myself into his arms, embracing him tightly. We both spoke over each other, saying how much we had missed each other, and how we had so much to speak of, and then laughing.

Rin left us to it, and he pulled me into the school, showing me the classrooms, where healers in white robes sat at desks, then the library, where he showed me botanical drawings and pictures of dissected organs that I found fascinating. Many of the students were to sit their final year exams in a few days' time, and they were in a big hall, looking over notes and looking anxious.

I was exhausted by the end of the tour, and a little overwhelmed. I was surprised when he said that we should go and find lunch, for I had done no work whatsoever.

"Oh, they don't need us, Min," said Varin, dismissively, steering me to a room at the end of the corridor that led out into a walled garden. He run a bell in the room and invited me to sit in the garden where there was a wooden table with chairs. Pebbles covered the ground and little hedges ran around in strange shapes.

This was all very civilised, I thought, a little disconcerted.

"I did not realise we had so many healers in Gondor," I said. "Will they be joining the front soon?"

He gave me an odd look. "They won't," he said, grimly. "Or at least, very few of them will. Some have told me that they wish to come to the Last Battle, but whether they follow through, we are yet to see."

"I don't understand," I said, naively.

"Oh Min. You know healers have a high death rate. Do you think they wish to leave this paradise to wade through mud to save mere soldiers?" he asked.

"But to destroy the Enemy? To save Gondor…?" I asked, confused. Surely it was our duty?

"And how are the Tolfalas soldiers?" he asked, pointedly.

Someone came with a tray of food, cheeses and breads, and grilled vegetables, and a carafe of wine, and set it and plates and cutlery down in front of us. I took in his meaning.

"There were but ten left on my last counting," I said, morosely.

I pondered what he had said as he poured me a glass of wine. Although I was not much of a drinker, I took a sip.

"And how is Thav?" he asked tentatively. I smiled at him.

"In a foul mood. The foulest. Angry with everyone."

"Good," said Varin, smiling at me. "And… he has not forgotten me or had his head turned by some young, good-looking man?"

I was about to make a joke when I saw there was a kernel of truth in Varin's expression. Perhaps everyone needed a little encouragement and validation, even in the most solid and steady of relationships.

"Oh Varin, when I found him after he had sent you away, he was crying and talking nonsense about being selfish for wanting to protect you! I am sure he thinks of nothing else," I assured him.

Varin nodded.

"I have forgiven him. But I am going out again whatever Thav says," he said, stubbornly jutting out his jaw.

"As am I," I said, resolutely.

"Are you?" asked Varin, smirking into his wine glass. I tore off a chunk of bread and threw it at his head, but he caught it in his mouth and laughed at me. We ate the rest of the meal, chatting over how the Houses of Healing were run, and other neutral topics.

I tried not to feel betrayed and angry at the healers who did not want to go to the battle side.

That evening, he took me to meet Thalion's parents.

They were kind, but tired and sad looking, and they looked so much like him it hurt. We had dinner together, and with Varin's help, I told them about my friendship with the young boy, and we all cried a little. It felt so hard that he had died before his parents, so unnatural that they lived to grieve him.

This was war so cruel, I thought. The Enemy did not understand love or friendship or any of the ties which bound us together. How were we to bear the pain? I thought of stumbling upon Glorfindel all those months ago when he was crying for his friend.

"I am so glad to have met Thalion," I told them. "He was like a little brother to me and I shall never forget him. I think of him constantly. I'd do anything to hear him call me an idiot again."

His mother and father looked at each other and grasped each other's hands.

Varin chaperoned me home and told me I had done well, but I felt exhausted. Alone in my ridiculously large apartment, I succumbed to tears. I'd give everything I had for Thalion to live, I thought. All this finery meant nothing to me.

The next day, I had not seen Elwen or Annie, so assumed they were busy with preparing for the attack. I assumed if they needed me, they would ask and so did not worry about it.

I had breakfast with Lind and Tinthel, who were exasperated with me because I had forgotten about the party Elwen was throwing in a few days' time and had made precisely no plans. It was had to drum up interest when my spirits were so low, but I supposed parties were supposed to cheer you up.

"No Min, one of the dresses I gave you will not do! You need something tailored to you!" cried Lind, rolling her eyes. She and Tinthel dragged me to the seamstress who had me step onto a stool and measured me. I found the whole experience a little demeaning, but did not complain even when I was pricked by her pins.

"What colour silk, my lady?" asked the seamstress.

"Red," said Lind, at the same time Tinthel said green. As they bickered over the merits of the different colours, I told the seamstress that I wanted bronze.

"But it's so deeply unfashionable!" said Lind, aghast.

"No one else will be wearing it," said Tinthel, confused.

"Good!" I said, thinking it would go well with my skin tone.

I managed to escape at lunch and head to the House of Healing, where I found Varin. He was setting the bone of a young boy, perhaps twelve years old, who had broken his arm. I smiled to see him in action: Varin had an exceptionally kind bedside manner.

The boy's mother was sitting on the bed next to him and stood up with the boy and kissed Varin on the cheek. I watched as he lightly embraced her and ruffled the boy's head, telling him to behave.

"Minnow! Back so soon!" he said and told me to follow him. He led me towards the healing school section again.

"Is that your family?" I asked, falling into step with him.

"Indeed, no," said Varin, with a laugh. "But at one time we were in love and engaged to be married. But that was a long time ago."

"She is a woman," I said, stupidly.

"Ah yes, I see several years of medical training has not been wasted on you. 'She is a woman'."

I was silent, confused and thinking.

Varin took pity on me. "I like both."

"I see," I said. "I've never met anyone who liked both, I thought it was one or the other…"

"You have lived a very sheltered life, haven't you, piglet?" he said, leading me to a table in the study hall and pulling out some papers. We sat down and he gave me a look. "I will allow five minutes of your impertinent questions and then we will get down to business."

What he meant about getting down to business, I knew not, but of course, I did have questions.

"How did you know you liked both?" I asked.

"How did you know you liked men?" he countered. I floundered, thinking about it.

"I don't, really," I said, confused. He raised his eyebrows at me, and I felt at a loss. But it was true; I had never been particularly sexually interested in men. The men in Tolfalas were too familiar, I had always thought, and the soldiers too dirty, and the nobles… well I thought of Isildur and shuddered. Too predatory. When I tried to think about who I felt attracted to, only two names came up: Glorfindel, overwhelmingly so, and the second, I thought, a little embarrassedly, was Elrond.

"Minnow?" asked Varin, looking concerned.

"I'm a bit of a late bloomer, I suppose," I said, a little pathetically. Varin remained quiet. "It's really just… I've only ever wanted one person."

"I'm on tenterhooks here, piglet," said Varin, with a kind smile.

I gave him a brief if convoluted recap of my dealings with Glorfindel, and thinking it over, took his note from where I kept it in my bodice and showed it to him. Varin looked shellshocked.

"By the Valar. That is… I am speechless. I have never read a love note quite so… potent. But Lord Glorfindel! Only the best for our Minnow!"

"What does that mean?" I asked, confused. "That it's an Elf? And not… a man?"

Varin shrugged and told me that sexuality was not so uniform as people made it out to be, and that it was likely that everyone was different. If Glorfindel had never felt any inclination towards anyone else before me, then I should not worry if I felt the same. There was no normal to aim for, only whatever made me happy.

Then he told me how he met Thavron. Varin came from a wealthy merchant family that traded silk from Harad and consequently, was a gentleman of leisure. He had enjoyed himself very much (a little too much according to his family) and was a little restless without purpose. He and Guitarra broke off their engagement amicably after an argument about where to live, and he was drunk in a tavern in the lower rings. He signed up for the healing school, and was having a last hurrah with his reprobate friends when he met a handsome older man.

I supposed Thavron was handsome in his own way.

They spent the night together, and Varin waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. I could guess what was coming next. Varin turned up to the first day of healing school with very little sleep, to find that Thavron was his teacher.

They were both horrified.

"He was furious! Of course, I was a good fifteen years older than most of the healing students, who tend to be around twenty years old. He refused to look at me for the first year, and was a harsh critic of everything I did. Of course, I fell in love with him."

"Of course," I repeated, smiling.

"He was just so organised," said Varin, reverently. I snorted. "But it's true! There are many parts to being a healer that people do not realise, the ability to keep a cool head, organisation skills, listening… I do not think I had truly committed to being a healer until he inspired me."

"It is his sheer competency that you fell head over heels for?" I asked.

But Varin was deadly serious. "Thavron has saved thousands of lives, not just as an individual, but by teaching others and teaching them well, and putting practices in place that make healing easy and organised. The Houses of Healing run like a well-trained horse because he has made it that way. There is much to admire in Thav."

"And did you become a couple when he was your teacher?" I asked.

Varin shook his head. "No, he refused. His last partner died of old age, Thav is Numenorean you know, and he wasn't ready, nor was he willing to be with a student. But just before the war ten years ago, after I graduated, I told him that this was it for me, and that he was only hurting himself."

"Stubborn man."

"Moody too."

I thought about what he had said. Thavron had been in love before and outlived his partner. I would not think about that now, I told myself.

"What is the business you talked of?" I asked, eventually.

Varin wanted me to take the healers' exams in a day's time.

"It is not needed now, but I think you should. When this war is over, which I think it will be soon, it will be needed if you wish to practice as a healer in Gondor. I can get you in the exam room now, because we are at war and in desperate need of healers, and because your healing skills are currently in favour, but if you wait, you may have to study for three years."

I was touched he was looking out for me, but overwhelmed at the thought of doing an exam!

"I would like to, but I have never taken an exam before," I said, worried. Varin raised his eyebrows at me.

"Rin will coach you," he promised. "She has taught many healers before."

He took me to the large and rather quiet study hall, found me a desk in the corner and brought me a previous exam paper to look at.

"I had an Elf lover once, you know," he told me. My jaw dropped. "When I was twenty years old. Only for one night, when I visited a cousin in Lindon."

"Are… you joking?" I asked, flabbergasted.

"Indeed, no," he said, surprised. "Why, do you not think I'm handsome enough for an Elf?" he teased.

Varin was very good looking, I thought, with his cornflower blue eyes and aquiline nose. He had a boyish look about him, even in his 40s, and even had dimples.

"But…" I was confused. "Glorfindel had led me to believe that relations between humans and Elves were… rare. And that Elvish marriage rituals made that any pre-marital relationships were well… looked down upon to put it lightly."

Varin smiled indulgently at me.

"Your Elf is a very old, very important one who walked in Valinor with the Valar himself. He has a higher purpose, he glows and I imagine that he holds his honour very close. He is a spiritual Elf, more so than others I believe, who were born in Middle Earth. I wouldn't say it is common, but it does happen. And I was an exceptionally attractive young man!"

I hit him on the arm with a book.

"I imagine you two are as idealistic as each other. Trust me, Elves do sleep with us mere mortals on occasion," he said. I felt dizzy with this new information.

The flogging in the camp popped into my head, and I opened my mouth to ask a question, but Varin beat me to it. He told me that as Elves were less preoccupied with creating heirs, same-sex relations were not looked down upon.

"Really?" I thought back on my conversations with Glorfindel about Elvish bonding rituals. I did not think at any point he specified that it had to be between a male and female elf. By the Valar, I was naïve, I thought. "They must have been even more upset and angry about the flogging. So, it is completely accepted in Elvish culture?"

I wondered why Gondor did not emulate that part of their Elvish cousins' society. Varin smiled, and said he thought so, because they had chosen Gil-galad as their king.

"Gil-galad?" I asked, surprised. Blind and foolish as well as naïve. There were many things I wasn't aware of, I realised.

I didn't know how I was supposed to study after my conversation with Varin, but Rin came over to me, excited I had decided to sit the exam and started quizzing me. I soon put the thought of the sex lives of the Eldar out of my mind.

The next day, I sat down to the six-hour written exams and the two-hour oral and the one-hour practical.

It was intense and gruelling, but fascinating. Some of the questions were not terribly practical in my opinion; knowing the names of all the bones in the body was not of any use on a battlefield, or even when you're setting a boy's broken arm. Poisons came up a lot, which I found interesting. I imagined that Gondorians were constantly poisoning each other, and it made me smile.

One of the young student healers before me broke down in the practical, overwhelmed by diagnosing her patient. I was well inured to it after months on the battlefield, and correctly guessed my patient had a stomach ulcer.

I wasn't sure if I had passed, but it had been nice to meet some of the other healers, who were mostly friendly and curious about me. I asked them as many questions as they asked me, and we discussed the exam at length.

I went to bed that night exhausted and slept until lunchtime when Lind barged into my room.

"We only have five hours to get you ready!" she shrieked, ripping my bed clothes back

"What is it? Are we under siege?!" I cried, grabbing my clothes. I thought it would be noisier! I had heard nothing!

"It's Elwen's party!" she hissed at me, and I sighed and got back into bed.

I grumbled a little, but it turns out that getting ready for a Gondorian Royal party is a lot of fun. Lind and Tinthel took me the baths where, after sitting in a hot sauna in a towel for some time I was scrubbed with black soap by an old woman and covered in foam and hot water. I was so relaxed by the end of the session, I almost fell asleep. My skin was so soft at the end of it, I thought that they had scrubbed the war from me.

Then, as I oiled my hair and body, Lind's maid brought me new bronze gown and helped me into it.

Lind looked beautiful in her soft pink gown that complimented her red hair, and I told her so.

"You don't look very Gondorian," she mused.

"I look Tolfalasan and that's what I am," I said. It was almost a burnt orange, the colour, and the seamstress had decided to give it a cowl neck which Lind eyed worriedly. It wasn't fashionable at all, but the style suited me.

Tinthel barged in. She was wearing a floaty gown in a deep purple that made her look paler and more delicate than usual.

"We're going to be late!" she hissed, panicked. Lind was rearranging her hair in the mirror.

"Oh, they'll wait, I'm sure," I said, dismissively.

There was a knock on the door, and I opened it to reveal Annie! I had not seen him in almost a week and he looked very well in newly shined black boots and a dark green tunic. He had shaved recently, and smelled floral. He was about to say something when Tinthel pushed passed me and curtseyed at him.

We all greeted each other in the formal Gondorian way, and Tinthel was so excited she forgot that he had clearly come to chaperone me to his sister's party.

He took Tinthel's arm, as she was the highest born, and she looked up at him adoringly. I looked into Lind's eyes and we tried not to snigger. We walked quietly talking together for the short walk to the Royal chamers.

As I entered the room on Lind's arm, I counted around thirty Gondorians in the exquisite chambers. The walls were covered in tapestries that depicted Numenor, and some Elvish history I did not recognise, and the furniture was old and elaborate. I wondered if it were relics from their destroyed island. The ceiling was domed and painted to look like the stars.

It was stunning.

Servants with platters of wine circled us and we each took one. I sipped mine.

Annie took us around the room and introduced us to everyone. I did not recognise any of the names, but could tell that this was the collection of the most powerful Gondorians currently in the city. Who represented power, money and influence, I did not know, but I was sure some of them were all three. Annie was drawn into a conversation by the balcony with three older looking men, and we smiled at each other. I would talk to him later.

Elwen swept over to receive us and I thought she looked a little tired, but no less beautiful. Her dress, surprisingly, was black.

"I have never met a lady who was raised from the ranks before," sneered a beautiful woman whose name I had not caught.

"Lady Minnow saved my brother's life, and for that, has the eternal gratitude of my entire family and the kingdom of Gondor," said Elwen imperiously.

Elwen took my arm and told me she wanted to show me the view of her garden.

"Lady Telleta is such a snob," Elwen declared to me. I looked at her with amazement; could Elwen believe that her own behaviour was egalitarian? I was under the impression that she was merely tolerating my presence as a barbarian. She certainly commented on it enough.

"I thank you for your continued support, my lady," I said with a smile.

"Annie has asked me to extend friendship to you," she began, somewhat haltingly.

It occurred to me that Elwen was not unlike Lind when I first met her all those years ago: isolated and without peers. Lonely. And with the added burden of responsibility.

"I would like your friendship," I said, genuinely meaning it and smiled at her. "There are few women healers on the battlefield and I miss female company more than I can say. Although Lady Lind will tell you I am not yet a lady in manners."

"I am glad to have met Lady Lind, she is a true friend," said Elwen, hesitantly. She smiled and

I noticed she had not mentioned Tinthel.

We rejoined the rest of the party, and I could see that everyone had turned to hear Annie speak. He looked worried.

"It is true. We have sent for a battalion of Elves, for one of the Úlairi has been spotted with the host from Mordor," he said, distractedly running his hands through his messy brown hair. "But we do not know if they will come. Certainly, Gil-galad will not want to weaken his forces before the Last Battle at Dagorland."

Someone asked what an Úlairi was and he sighed, looking worried, and told us it was a foe that he did not think that anyone mortal could beat.

My heart sank. I was not particularly worried for myself, but this city felt weak and jittery.

"They will not come," said one lord, grumpily.

"They will not risk loss of life for a Gondorian city," said another, derisively.

"Remember Gondolin?" asked another, who I thought was a banker of some sort.

"An Úlairi? Well, our soldiers will just have to buck up!" snapped another.

I watched them arguing amongst themselves for a time, and Annie in the middle, looking despondent and trying to answer questions.

Was this what politics was? I didn't much care for it.

"Are you going to play your harp?" I asked Elwen, who was looking lost besides me. "It might calm them down."

And shut them up, I thought. Elwen requested her harp be brought, and she sat down in front of it. As soon as she started plucking the strings, the lords and ladies did stop speaking.

"Ah, we are in for a treat. She plays very well," said Tinthel, appearing next to me.

Elwen began to sing a love song about a mortal maiden who fell head over heels for an Elvish lord in Sindarin. It was beautiful, if a bit maudlin for my tastes. It ended with the maiden killing herself to retain her purity.

What a waste, I thought.

Everyone clapped and requested another, and she acquiesced. This time a song about Beren and Luthien.

I could see there was a bit of a theme. Annie nodded to me from across the room, and I sighed and put down my wine glass, following him into the garden.

"That colour suits you," he said, a little sadly.

I made a polite comment about Elwen's singing. We looked at each other for a minute or two.

"The host is much bigger than we expected," said Annie. "Along with the emergence of the Úlairi…I would like to ask you to go with my sister to the secure holdings in the back of the city."

"Annie," I said, annoyed by this request.

"Please," he said, picking up my hand and pressing it to his chest. Embarrassed by this act of chivalry, I turned away and tried to pull my hand out of his grasp.

"I must do my duty to Gondor, as must you," I said, plaintively.

"I took you here because I thought I was protecting you!" he cried.

"I saved you, remember," I told him.

He looked annoyed but did not argue further. I could see Annie was having a crisis of confidence.

"You will face the armies of Mordor, and you will defeat them," I told him. "Gondor is strong, and you are strong. You can do this."

Annie huffed and walked to the edge of the garden, where there was a wall and presumably a sheer drop. I did not particularly like being this high up, I thought. I didn't want to go much closer to him, and be tempted to look over the wall.

Suddenly, he spoke and he sounded very upset. "I am not a great leader like my father nor a great soldier like my brother!" he cried.

"And yet, I have never thought less of you for being unlike your family in many ways," I responded.

"I have failed the tasks set me so far."

"Failed? No Annie,"

"That great wave in the mountains…"

"Only you and I survived that and only together did we get to safety," I insisted, but he wasn't listening to me.

"I am untested, certainly for a task of this magnitude."

I strode up to him and pushed him around so he faced me.

"You are too hard on yourself. I didn't think I could do it when I was sent to the dwarves and many times I thought I had failed. The men in this city rely on you – in fact we all do. We don't need the leadership of Elendil, or the command of Isildur. We need the protection of Anarion!"

He took a big breath in. His big eyes gazed at me.

"You've called for aid, and surely that is wise. Annie, I would rather be here with you than your brother or your father, whatever the outcome."

Annie shivered.

"You give me much strength, Minnow…"

"I only show you your own! Do not doubt yourself. Go in and tell those nobles exactly what you need from them!" I pointed him back to the party and huffed. He nodded and strode back in.

I was however deeply disconcerted by his loss of faith, and how easy he was to boss about.

The next two weeks were hellish. Lind pleaded with me to agree to the secure holding that Annie had told me about. Most of the nobles were to be sealed into it, and only Annie himself would be able to release them.

Sounded risky and foolish, in my opinion, and I would never leave the people of the city to their fate like that.

We had a big argue about it, didn't speak for a few days, then made up. Tensions in the whole city was fraught, and it felt like everywhere I went, someone was openly weeping.

The only good news was that I had passed my exams.

"Flying colours, Min," said Rin, giving me a big hug. "Your future is secure!"

Was it, I thought. It certainly didn't seem so. But healers had to be optimistic, I told myself.

The city went into overdrive, sandbags and blockages popping up everywhere, and whole rings of the city evacuated. Catapults were moved into place, and soldiers were running around in full armour, looking on edge.

Elwen privately told me that it was highly unlikely that the Elves, who were so far away, would even receive Annie's message, let alone answer it. It had been, she told me, a longshot, possibly a calculated one to give people hope: the Elves would rescue them.

"They say the only person the Úlairi is scared of is Lord Glorfindel," she said, sadly. "He may be our only hope. Well, they shall write songs about us."

I rolled my eyes at her.

"We do not need him. We can endure this. Minas Tirith is well set for a long siege," I told her. "Do not be defeatist."

Varin and I prepared the healers for the siege. Luckily, Thavron's organisation skills meant that the Houses of Healing were well stocked, there were plenty procedures in place to deal with mass casualties and the healers were well rested. We were in a good position. We moved out the sick who could be moved and readied our equipment. I spent more time calming the student healers who were nervous than any other preparation. We would need them to keep their heads.

And then, after two long weeks of awful anticipation, we saw the Black Gate open, and the horde began to move towards us. It would take three days before they surrounded us.

I had never been in a siege before, and I wished we could simply pick the city up and run away. But alas, that was not an option. Annie's faith in the city and his people seem restored and it was rubbing off on the soldiers and the people. My belief that we could win this battle had never wavered. This city was made to endure, I could feel it.

"You merely believe that your Elf is going to come and rescue you," teased Varin, who was also stalwart in his belief we would not be defeated.

"I believe that I can and will save myself!" I retorted. And it was true. I felt in my element again. While I missed Glorfindel, I had begun to feel his presence. Every night, before I clambered into my bed, knackered, I looked at his necklace and kissed it. I knew he would not lose hope or faith, and that he would – and once, had – fought to the bitter end.

And there was something in me, deep inside me, that told me that this was not it for me. That I was going to live. That I was going to see Glorfindel and Elrond and Thavron again.

But it seemed that not many shared that opinion.

Elwen had told me that as only one messenger could be sent out to the Elves and he had not returned, it was likely he had died on the journey. No one, therefore, knew we were in such trouble.

"I cannot believe I am going to die without bedding a man," she told me, making me laugh.

"You could bed one now. There's plenty of guards around!" I told her.

She hit me on the arm and almost looked amused. "Now is not the time for jokes!"

It was the last day and I was saying goodbye to my friends before they went to the secure holdings (it was rather vaguely described but I gathered it was some sort of cave) when there was a strange noise.

"A horn!" cried Elwen, running away from the group that was to be sent to the secure holdings. Breathlessly, I caught up with her and followed her as she ran up steps and to the courtyard at the heart of the citadel, and looked across the city. The view was always staggering, but the black horde of orcs was terrifying.

But there was something shiny and silver moving fast from the north.

"What is it?" I asked, straining my eyes.

"They have come!" shouted Elwen, in Sindarin. Lind appeared by us, and asked the same question as me. By now, the Elves had reached the city gates and were riding through the city at great speed.

A hundred Elvish warriors on horses clattered through the city rings. On the horse was a glowing blond Elf. It was Glorfindel, his head the only bare one in his battalion, and his long blond hair blowing in the wind.

"So few?" asked Lind, next to me.

"A hundred Elvish fighters are better than a thousand Gondorian soldiers," said Elwen, confidently, if a bit disloyally in my opinion. "And headed up by Lord Glorfindel, himself! We are fortunate in our allies, Lind."

I could not say anything but watched as Annie joined us. He too was in full armour and looked magnificent.

The Elves swept into the courtyard and surrounded us in a horseshoe shape.

I think I was crying.

Glorfindel leapt off his horse as if his armour weighed nothing and skipped up the last few steps to bow at Annie and Elwen who welcomed him to the city.

"Anarion! I come with my warriors to your aid!" he shouted in Sindarin, and bowed elaborately. Annie stepped forward and embraced him. They exchanged some words privately.

Glorfindel then turned to Elwen.

"Princess Elwen, my heart delights to see your face again, although I am deeply grieved by the seriousness of the situation. I have brought ninety-nine of my best warriors and we will see off this evil horde and help you protect your city," he said courteously.

She bowed the human and then the Elvish way, and told him that she rejoiced to see him.

He glanced at me briefly.

"You look like you've had a bath recently, Lady Minnow," he said, almost dismissively. I smothered a snort.

I could feel Lind giving me a strange look.

"Minnow, please take my sister and Lady Lind to the secure holdings," Annie said, without looking at me. I nodded and drew them away. We ran back softly, amazed at what we had just seen.

"Lord Glorfindel himself! He has answered our call. Oh, I knew I could not be this beautiful for nothing!" Elwen said, her long legs taking her ahead of us.

Lind turned to me and started whispering. "He looked like the sun itself! She has spoken about his attentions for months on end… is it likely that there will be a marriage between them? Has he come to Minas Tirith for her?"

"I cannot say," I said, diplomatically.

My heart whispered he had come here for me.

"A marriage between an elf and a princess! It would be so romantic," gushed Lind.

The soldiers looked them, and the other nobles who looked substantially cheerier, into the cave, pushing the door closed and locking it with a special key. Annie appeared besides me and pocketed the key.

"Elves! A good sign, is it not?" I said faintly.

He told me to go and rest for the horde would strike at downfall. A guard chaperoned me back to my bedchambers where I calculated I had four hours to rest before I was needed. Time for a power nap, I thought.

Just as I was taking off my dress, someone knocked on the shutter on my window. I strode over to it, a little amused. I was high in the citadel, around fourteen storeys from the ground. There was no balcony to this window. I wrenched the shutters open.

"Yes?" I asked, trying not to smile. Glorfindel grinned at me from his perch on my windowsill. He had shed some of his armour and was looking, as usual, pleased with himself.

"I am in my slip," I said, pretending to disapprove but giving it away with my beaming grin.

"I have eyes," said Glorfindel, rather appreciatively, but he was looking at my face. He stroked my cheek softly. I pulled him off the windowsill and kissed him deeply, dragging him over to the bed.

It felt scandalous to have Glorfindel in a four-poster bed, but we had slept next to each other before in the wild when no one was around us. But this time, I was in my underwear and had not seen him for a month.

It was difficult not to rip off his tunic. I contented myself with holding him close to me and kissing every part of him I could. He laughed and kissed my neck.

"Sleep for an hour or two," he whispered. He must have used his Elvish magic on me, for I had not even realised I was asleep when I woke up again.

Glorfindel was on his side, looking at me, and stroking my hair.

"Lately, I have dreamed of your island, of lobster cages and white sand, a cave behind a waterfall and a small cottage by the sea."

"I miss it," I told him, and asked if we needed to arise.

"It is early yet. They will attack at nightfall. Where will you be?" he asked.

I was glad that he did not tell me where he thought I should be or try and order me around like Annie did.

"The halls of healing. The houses sit on the sixth circle of the city, near the tunnel to the Citadel, surrounded by lawns and trees."

"I will look for you afterwards. May the Valar protect you."

He kissed me deeply and pulled on his favourite curl, letting it bounce back.

"For luck," he said.

"You are my luck," I told him, rather nonsensically. He kissed me deeply and then told me he had to go, leaving by the windowsill. I didn't watch him: I am sure that the death-defying heights would have terrified me.

Time went slowly in the houses of healing. It took several hours before any injured men were brought to us up in the sixth circle, and I spent a lot of time looking out the window, trying to understand what was going on. There was a lot of booming, but it felt like the fight was still far away.

As long as they don't get through our defences. A siege, Annie had told me, was a waiting game.

"Is it always like this?" asked one of the new healers called Monte. "Waiting?"

"Our battle is mostly after their battle," I told him. "We must practice patience."

The first day, ten men were brought to us to heal. Broken bones, mostly, from a building that had been struck by a catapult.

We slept during the day as the orcs would not attack during the sunlight hours, and woke at the night was falling. The second day was worse. Catapults attacked the city in force, and the soldiers spent their time retrieving bodies from the wreckage.

Most were dead on impact, their bodies shattered, but some were merely suffering from broken bones. Many were children.

I found Monte crying in the supply room. "You are doing very well," I told him.

"Am I? I've just thrown up," he replied, forlornly.

"I threw up my first battle, too."

That seemed to cheer him up and I pulled him back into the infirmary. It was now chaos, but familiar chaos. My apron was covered in blood, in fact everything was covered in blood, but the chaos was mostly controlled I thought.

"What is that noise?" I asked. It sounded like a fox crying, but so much louder.

"Nazgul," said Varin, joining me at the window. When I looked confused, he used its other name. "Úlairi."

Then everything exploded.

I lost my understanding of where the floor was; it certainly wasn't under my feet. Until I realised I was lying on it, my cheek against the cold marble floor. My eyes were locked shut with dust and I was dimly aware I couldn't breathe. All I could hear was a high tinny noise and it was windy.

That was strange, I thought. I struggled to move and open my eyes for some time, until a sliding noise alarmed me.

A huge gaping hole exposed us to the elements. A catapult must have hit the Houses of Healing, I realised, and ripped the entire wall and some of the infirmary to shreds.

Varin lay next to me, unconscious and was slowing sliding downwards. He was going to slip off the floor and fall out the tower to his death, I realised with alarm.

I grabbed his hands and jerkily I pulled him on top of me. He was heavy and unmoving.

I called his name.

Strong hands lifted us both up, and I could hear Monte calling my name. I passed in and out of consciousness for Valar knows how long, until I jerked awake much later. It was daytime, and I was on a stretcher in a hall somewhere. I got to my feet and brushed myself down.

"You have a head injury," said Monte, trying to make me sit down again, but I told him I was fine. My head had bled a lot, but head injuries always bleed profusely, and I was only a little dizzy. I found Varin. His nose was badly broken and there was a scar on his beautiful cheek, but apart from that, he was fine, merely unconscious.

It took hours to move the remaining patients to more stable ground. I discovered that half of the infirmary had been destroyed. The Enemy had aimed their catapult well. But the healers had simply packed up and moved deeper into the citadel. Everywhere was a house of healing now.

Hours later, when night fell again, Varin woke up and groaned. I found a bucket of slightly dusty water and we tried to scrub off the dust which caked us.

"Some things never change, piglet. I am always scrubbing you down, you filthy girl," said Varin, chuckling.

After I sewed up his face with my finest stitches, I fell asleep on a bench in a courtyard.

I dreamt of Glorfindel. He was introducing me to a strange person who was made of water. Or was I made of water? It didn't make much sense. I'm thirsty, I told dream Glorfindel.

"Ai! Ai! Ai!" cried a familiar voice, waking me up. I ran to him, stumbling over my feet.

Glorfindel was still wearing his armour and looked glorious; legendary and deadly. His severe and handsome face looked relieved but pained. I wrapped my arms around him and lay my head against his chest, hoping to draw strength from him.

I was so happy to see him, but I also wanted desperately to cry.

"The fight is over then?"

"It has been for several hours. I have been looking for you."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me along the corridor, and through a door which turned out to be a linen cupboard. He pushed me against the wall and lay his forehead against mine.

I could hear my heartbeat thumping in my chest.

"My heart told me you lived, but I feared the worst."

Glorfindel peered down at me and then kissed me deeply, urgently and more fiercely than ever before. His hands went everything and were I could feel my cheeks were wet, but I wasn't sure who was crying. He broke away and kissed both my cheeks, and I saw that we were both crying. I was so glad to see him again that I was holding onto his armour and my lower lip was wobbling. He stroked my face and gently kissed my ear, then nipped it. He drew back and looked at me, questioningly.

I gasped softly and nodded. Yes. I wanted this more than anything, more than anything I had ever wanted. Damn the consequences. It would be worth it.

"Let us retire to your bedchambers," he said. "Now."

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