"We do not look in our great cities for our best morality."
Jane Austen
Glorfindel had once told me that Elves are so light of foot they can walk over snow banks and not sink, and that his people only succumbed to closing their eyes during sleep if they were deathly tired. I wasn't sure about the veracity of the former: his head, cushioned as it was on my right breast, felt very heavy, but I must admit I enjoyed the weight. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing deeply. It was the first time I had seen him sleep.
It was likely that he had fought for three days straight at the siege of Minas Tirith, and perhaps even fought the Nazgul itself. I wasn't sure, we hadn't yet spoken of the battle. He had pulled me at high speed through corridors where men and women were running about, fetching and carrying supplies, completely ignoring us. As we entered my chambers, I was amazed to see it was largely untouched by the siege. A little dust around the windows, but there was a jug of water by the bed.
I poured us both a glass while I watched him take off his armour. It grounded me and made me feel a little less nervous. Stripped of his bulky metal armour, there was a vulnerability about him.
He turned to look at me and I saw his shirt was damp with sweat. Dizzy with arousal, I pulled off his tunic and his undershirt until he was standing next to me bare chested, clad only in leggings.
He took my right hand, and reverently placed it on his heart. He looked into my eyes and said something in Quenya. His glow had started pulsating softly in what I could only assume was expectation.
I pulled his own right hand and placed it on my heart, but his large hand covered most of my breast as well.
I will endeavour to deserve him, I promised the Valar.
"I have longed to touch you like this," he whispered.
I kissed his chest. It was deliciously salty, and I reached up to kiss his lips.
Glorfindel drew back and looked at me, unexpectedly solemn. He swallowed: his Adam's apple bobbing. I was overcome by the desire to lick it. I wanted to taste him again.
"I understand," he began, sounding worried, "from eavesdropping into conversations with Men, not from instigating them of course, that for women, intercourse can be uncomfortable and even painful the first time. It is very much… it is not my intention to hurt you in any way, but of course I am inexperienced in this matter-"
He was nervous. So was I, to tell the truth, but I was also excited.
"Glorfindel," I tried to interrupt.
"I wish this to be a pleasant experience-"
"Glor!" I protested. He raised an eyebrow at me. I had never called him by his diminution before. "Undress me."
"Yes, my lady," he said with a smile.
He slowly and reverently unbuttoned my bodice, then untied my outer dress, letting them drop on the floor, not taking his gaze away from my face for a second. I did not know how I was still breathing. I had kicked off my Elven boots as soon as I came into the room, and now divested of everything but my chemise, I pulled him flush against me. Elves, I had noticed, had no fat. He was lean and muscular, hairless and his skin was so pale next to mine. It didn't make any sense to me that he was seven thousand years old.
"Whose necklace is this?" he said, sharply, holding up my seashell pendant.
I looked up at him, pulled out of my daze and shaken at his tone, and feeling vulnerable exposed in front of him.
"Minnow. Is this Anarion's necklace?" he said, looking angry.
"No! How can you say that?" I said, horrified. Why would I be wearing Annie's necklace?
"It is Mithril-made," he accused, as if I could not possibly own something so valuable myself. I was a little insulted.
"How can you doubt me?" I asked, annoyed.
"You are easily led when it comes to him."
"I am not!" I snapped, horrified.
"You are blind to both his attentions and his faults-"
"I am not!" I cried, although I wondered if there might be some truth in what he said.
"Then who does this necklace belong to?" he demanded.
There was a long pause where I was very aware of the state of undress I was in and how angry I was to be questioned like this.
"It was my mother's. My father gave it to her."
Glorfindel sighed, closed his eyes and sat down on the bed. "I am sorry, Minnow."
I sighed and sat down next to him and took his hand and placed it on my chest. How had the tone of this evening changed so suddenly, I wondered. It had been romance (with the promise of sex), and untamed feelings, and a long build up of sexual tension all underpinned by the danger of war. And now, we were squabbling again over something silly.
High emotions, I thought. Nerves. Deep-rooted anxiety. I felt it too, I thought, and was coping a little better. But then, I had never met an elleth; perhaps if I saw him interacting with a beautiful she-Elf, rather than just Elwen, then I would feel jealousy.
"Jealousy does not become you, Glorfindel," I told him, gently.
"No, it does not. My feelings overwhelm me." He was looking at his hands.
"As do mine. Please do not get angry with me when I'm mostly naked," I asked him.
He turned his head to me and promised he would curb his temper. I turned closer to him and showed him my mother's necklace and told him how my grandmother had given it to me on her deathbed. It had been a year ago now, and much had changed, I thought.
"A seashell and a golden flower," I said, fingering my two necklaces. Glorfindel cupped my cheek.
"You're shaking," he said, pulling back and looking at me. "Are you still angry with me?"
"No. It's because you're in my bed and I'm in love with you," I said without thinking. But it was true.
"Ai," he said, his expression softening. He stroked my hair and pulled his favourite curl. He pulled me down into the bed and unhooked the sash so the curtain fell across one side of the bed.
That is why beds have curtains, I thought, amused.
He pulled me close to him and his hand snaked under my chemise and up my thigh. I could not tell you how long we kissed for. My hands had traced the width of his shoulders and down his back, marvelling at the strength of his muscles, and my legs hooked around his powerful thighs. He kissed me slowly, but not tentatively.
Then he drew back. I was surprised to notice that the light was dying. It had been approaching evening when he found me, but it must now be sundown. In the dying light, his cheeks were flushed, and he was, to my surprise, glittering with sweat. He leant back on knees and seemed to be coming to an internal decision.
Suddenly, he ripped my chemise down the middle, and I shivered as he stared at my naked body. Then he leaned over me, catching my arm and pulling it above my head, pinning me down.
"Tell me you want me," he breathed, in a low voice.
"I want you more than anything," I replied, staring into his dark grey eyes. He was still partially clothed, the ties at his leggings were loosened (had I done that? I think I had). He climbed so that he was crouched on top of me, his legs in between mine.
"Say you want me to make you mine," he demanded, his eyes stormy. In the twilight, I could see his glow was pulsating now, stronger than it had ever been before and I felt hypnotised by it.
"I want you to make me your own," I whimpered.
He kissed me deeply and I moaned. His strong forearm kept me in place as he kissed his way down his body. I tried to use my legs to pull him towards me, but he actually had the audacity to bite my nipple!
"Stop wriggling," he said, his arm still pinning me in place, as he now kissed my waist, which tingled with ticklishness. "Or don't, I quite enjoy it."
He slowly kissed his way down my stomach, and to my hip and then released my arm and in a single motion, with both his hands pulled my legs over his shoulder as he sunk down into the bed. He dipped his head.
I gasped.
Hours later, utterly spent, we fell asleep in a tangle. His hair was plastered to the side of his head with sweat, and I thought mine probably was too. I felt hollowed out, shaky (and fairly sticky) but very, very content.
As day broke, I began to drift back to consciousness. We should rise soon, I thought, dreamily.
I thought I heard the door open, but Glorfindel didn't move, so I couldn't have, I thought. He would surely have woken up. But then, a figure appeared at the end of the bed, holding a tray containing breakfast. I looked up, drowsily.
Elwen stared at us, her blue eyes wide and shocked.
Glorfindel, naked and oblivious, slept on. Horror swept through me as I realised that while I was obscured by his body, Glorfindel's powerful thighs, back and most awful of all, his backside was entirely on view to Elwen. I could see her eyes pour over his body until they made their way up to me. It was entirely obvious what we had been doing: there could be no mistake.
Neither of us said a word. But her eyebrows drew higher and higher until at last, she slowly padded out the door. I could hear her place the tray that she had been carrying the whole time on the floor of the corridor, then close the door.
Valar above, I thought, paralysed.
Glorfindel took this moment to wake up. "Good morning," he said, dishevelled hair, bleary eyes and still a little flushed. He looked uncharacteristically exhausted.
I had done that, I thought smugly. Until I remember the Nazgul and how he had been fighting for days before he found me. Half and half, I decided.
"You slept with your eyes closed," I said, as he wrenched himself from me and moved to kiss my throat.
"It happens sometimes. I dreamt of Tolfalas again," he said, throatily. It touched my heart when he said he dreamt of my island.
We unfortunately agreed that we had to go and do our duty after no small amount of kissing. As he dressed, I pulled on a robe and quietly and quickly fetched the tray in the hall.
I was starving.
It had been thoughtful of Elwen to bring me breakfast. But why the Valar had she?
I decided against telling Glorfindel. I would confront her myself later.
While I was lost in my thoughts about how I was to navigate this new social faux pas that I had made, Glorfindel decided that he would quiz me.
"So tell me; was last night to your satisfaction?" asked Glorfindel, stirring honey into his yoghurt, as casually as if he were asking about the weather.
I choked on a piece of fruit.
"You were very vocal, of course," he continued.
He looked at me, smiling smugly. I gaped at him.
"But I would like to make sure my ministrations were pleasing. I've never heard a human make that noise before. You pulled my hair a lot, by the way. Not that I'm complaining."
"What have I done to deserve such teasing?" I cried, embarrassed.
He pulled me onto his lap, and kissed my hair. "Revenge, perhaps, for your line of questioning when we travelled to the Brown Lands. But I would like to know, Minnow, if I was a satisfactory lover?"
I blushed. He looked at me with a strange mixture of earnestness and amusement. I would never understand this Elf, I thought. "Do you require further validation? I wasn't aware of any insecurity on your part. I will admit, if needed, that I did not find your sexual prowess particularly lacking."
"Lacking?" he repeated, his eyebrows raised.
"I said you weren't lacking!" I retorted, with a smile.
"Hardly the glowing endorsement I was looking for," he said, smiling, then looked more serious. "I would like to use this moment to… thank you for the honour of trusting me with yourself."
"You trusted me with your body," I said, frowning.
"Sexual intercourse is far more invasive for you than it is for me. I only truly understood that last night," he said, softly
He looked at me deeply, as if weighing something up, then sighed.
"You have to go," I said, realising I had taken him from his duties long enough.
"I have to go. We will have more time soon," he promised.
"I will make you scream my name next time," I promised.
"Ai, Minnow," he said, pulling me close and taking in a deep breath of my hair. "I will hold you to that."
With a grin and a wink, and a final sip of tea, he left me alone in my chambers.
As soon as I closed the door behind him, I sank to the ground. Had I just spent the night with an Elf?
I washed, acutely cognisant of the strange aches and pains within me. We had lost our virginities together, but really I felt like we had gained something. I double-checked my bed: I had not bled on the sheets. Probably all that horse-riding, I thought. I was glad, I wasn't sure how I would explain that to the servants.
After washing and dressing myself slowly, I steeled myself for what could be a very unpleasant conversation. But I could not avoid it. In fact, it would probably make it much worse to put it off. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach. This could go very wrong, I thought.
Trying to be brave, I knocked on Elwen's door. A servant opened it and led me through the public rooms I had been in only weeks ago, to her private rooms. Elwen sat on a sofa in a very pleasant sitting room with a large bay window overlooking a garden. She stood up and made her way to me.
We both gazed at each other nervously.
"I'm so sorry!" we both said, then laughed rather awkwardly.
"My lady…" I began
"I am sorry I came in, I should never have done so! But I could not resist, I thought it was…" she broke off and twisted her hands together. I'd never seen the usually composed Elwen look so torn and upset before.
"You thought it was…?" I asked, alarmed.
"Well, I thought it was Annie," she answered, apologetically.
I tried to let that sink in. Glorfindel was right: I was completely blind. I was not even aware of Annie's attentions to me, which were so obvious his own sister (a fairly oblivious character if ever there was one) took them for granted. What had been spoken between the siblings? Had Annie confided in his sister about me? She had said Annie had asked her to extend friendship to me… but I had thought that was politeness.
"What made you think I was… Annie was in my chambers?" I asked, horrified at what I could learn.
"You were not quiet," said Elwen. I was not expecting that at all.
I groaned and sat down on the sofa.
"Lots of banging noises. And there was a lot of male grunting," carried on Elwen.
"Yes, alright!" I cried, covering my face with my hands and wishing the ground would swallow me up. "I am so sorry you heard that."
"So I assumed you were with Annie…"
I didn't know what to say to that and said so.
"You wish to know if I will tell? If I will expose you?" said Elwen, sitting down next to me.
"No, I wish to know how you feel," I said, wringing my hands, awkward. "I know you admire Glorfindel."
Elwen observed me.
"You are the only friend I have who asks for nothing."
"I don't want anything from you," I said, confused. I realised that sounded a little rude. "I mean, I do not wish for you to be unhappy. I did not mean to conceal anything from you, or for you to overhear anything…"
"I understand why you concealed your affection for him, and why he concealed his affection for you," said Elwen, softly.
"It has been… there has been something between us for months. We've argued about it, but we came to an understanding on the way back from the Brown Lands," I told her.
Elwen nodded, thinking it over.
"What does he see in you?" she asked, plainly.
If I was not used to Elwen's blunt and quite unthoughtful ways, I think I would have been insulted by this impertinent question.
And yet, she had not finished.
"You are not classically beautiful, you're rather short, you're not of noble blood… you don't have the manners of the court, you're mortal and not even Numenorean, and you continue to labour as a healer despite now having the means to stop. I do not understand how you've managed to catch one of the most important Elves of our Age," she said.
Gah, I thought, smiling and thinking of Joy.
"This is all true, but I did not set out to "catch" him, as you say," I began, hesitantly, thinking through what I wanted to say. I sighed. "Lady Elwen, perhaps I do not deserve to have even caught his attention, but I do not think adhering to a restrictive sense of whatever Gondorian court notions of the idea women is will ever benefit women. And do not romanticise Glorfindel. He is moody, mercurial, jealous and… he's just a person at the end of the day."
Elwen stood up and moved to her balcony, wrapping her arms around her. In the soft morning light, she looked more beautiful than ever, and rather lonely.
"He came to the city to protect you, then. Gil-galad would not have sent any Elves to us, I think. I see. Well. I do not wish to give you advice… but do not tell Lind."
I was not expecting her to say that, but as much as I longed to share this news with my childhood friend, my gut told me not to. I didn't like her closeness with the Princess of Dol Amroth and I knew she would not approve.
Lind also knew about my history, about my mother, and how she had bedded someone without marrying them, and had died in childbirth. I did not want that held over me. I did not want to be told I was repeating my mother's mistakes.
Elwen suddenly changed tack, and asked me about sex, and if it hurt.
I laughed. "It was nothing like I expected. It stung a little at first but then it was… glorious!"
Elwen sighed and leaned against the wall.
"My father won't let me marry anyone. No one is good enough, by which he means that there is no political advantage."
She related a story from her rebellious youth, from just before the war. When she was but twenty years old, she had begun to tire of Elendil's insistence that none of the lords of Gondor or Arnor would be good enough for his daughter, and even the ruler of Harad was out of the question. She had lured, as she described it, a handsome young soldier who was friends with Anarion, into her bedchambers one evening after a secret courtship. The younger son of an important politician, she had liked him very much (even if it wasn't quite love) and had thought that her father wouldn't refuse to let them get married if they had spent the night together.
Unfortunately, Isildur had burst into her bedchamber before anything had happened, whipped out his sword and beheaded the boy in front of her.
"His name was Falknor and he had hazel eyes," she said, mournfully.
I listened to her without interruption, trying not to cry.
She said that it was her idea, and her fault alone, and that she would carry the guilt forever. Annie had been sent to Arnor, and Elwen told that her every movement would be watched from now on.
Elendil had not spoken to her of marriage again, until recently. He said that he thought Glorfindel's soft heart could be worked on, and if any Elf would be permitted to marry a mortal, it would be the Balrog Slayer who was sent back.
"I am sorry to have given him my attention, Minnow, I am just so lonely," Elwen said.
At this extraordinary statement, Lind entered the room.
"Oh Minnow, I was worried about you!" she cried and rushed at me.
We spoke at length at what it was like the secure holdings, and what little we knew about the battle (Elwen knew the most - the Nazgul had left but not been killed, and the orcs had run away after it was clear they couldn't break the gates).
At lunchtime, I made my excuses and left. I had abandoned my post for too long.
Back in the houses of healing or what was passing for such, I surreptitiously made the tincture that would keep me from pregnancy in one of the half-destroyed supply rooms.
"Whore," hissed a healer behind me. I almost dropped the glass I was holding. A mean-faced young woman shoved me to get to a pile of slightly dusty towels then stomped off.
"Ignore her. She was in the linen closet last night with a rather handsome soldier and I had to make the tincture for her myself earlier this morning," said another healer, this time a tall smiling woman about my age, who introduced herself as Isobel.
I knocked back the rest of the tincture. "I am pleased to meet you. My name is Minnow," I said, a little embarrassed.
"I know," said Isobel. "Varin says come."
I followed her through the chaos to where Varin was sitting in a pile of boxes and crates of supplies. He was making plans to travel to the battlefront, I realised.
Varin said that the relative success of the siege had made the healers less wary about going to serve in a battle, despite the houses of healing being directly hit.
"No doubt it is some psychological phenomena we should be studying," he said, lightly.
I wondered if it was because the "devastatingly handsome" Varin was returning to the battleside, as I had heard two newly graduated healers call him.
"Were any of the Elves injured?"
"No. They have been most helpful in uncovering people trapped by the wreckage, as well. We still have a trickle of injured people coming in, but it is mostly under control. I noticed Glorfindel disappeared yesterday evening and then miraculously appeared again this morning," said Varin, lightly.
"Is that so?" I said, neutrally.
"Well, I can only guess his agony is well and truly over!" joked Varin, and I yelped and flicked him with a loose bandage.
"What are you two laughing about?" asked Rin, coming into the room. I rushed forward to embrace her.
She told me that the other healers could take care of the injured, but we had to sort through what supplies could be spared for the front and make as many tinctures and salves as we possibly could. In a few weeks, we would be on the road again. We needed to make sure that we were prepared to look after as many soldiers as we could, as the survival of mankind was at stake. Healers had to think long-term as well as short-term, she said. If everyone died from infection on the road back to Gondor, then we would be well and truly fucked as a species.
I gulped. Rin was usually the most optimistic of us all. But her speech did stop me from itching to join the healers and get stuck into helping patients. My grandmother had always said that all parts of healing were as important as each other, and that failure to prepare was to prepare to fail. Rin had directed some soldiers to bring what could be recovered from the wreckage and we would sort through it all, divide it up, and start making plans for what herbs we needed to mix.
"Welcome to the club," said Varin, wrapping his arm around me and giving me a hug before he took leave of us.
"What club?" I asked, alarmed.
"Of mortals who have had their wicked way with an Elf!" he whispered.
"Valar above," I said, weakly. Varin cackled.
And so, my days gained a routine. For all that we had to do to prepare, and it was a lot, for we had to think of removing all the injured soldiers, it was not an unhappy time.
I would break my fast with Elwen, run to the houses of healing to sort through boxes of bandages, and bottles of pain relief, and then in the afternoon, my new friend Isobel and I would make antiseptic salves in huge buckets. She would often take me into the depths of the city to survey the damage, and heal anyone who had, for whatever reason, not gone to the houses of healing. I found that among some of the lower rings of the city a great distrust of the houses of healing. In the evenings, I would eat dinner with Lind and Tinthel, and Annie and Elwen if they weren't too busy.
Every night, after he had completed his duties, Glorfindel came to my chambers. Sometimes we talked all night, and I fell asleep in his arms mid-conversation. And other times, we didn't talk at all.
This was the best part of my day, and I felt I could endure anything if I was rewarded with Glorfindel's embrace.
But despite the battle for Minas Tirith being won, there were more fights for me. Both Lind and Annie were angry that I had chosen to venture back to the battlefront. They seemed to take it as a personal slight against them, and also against Minas Tirith.
"Can you come and help with the orphans?" I asked Lind, one day, trying to steer the subject towards something else.
"Orphans?" she repeated, wrinkling her nose. "I thought all the nobility were safe in the secure holdings?"
I had not known about that. I filed that away to think about later.
"It is mostly in the lower rings where the most damage was done. There are roughly a hundred children under fifteen who have lost their parents," I told her.
Isobel had been a great guide. She had grown up in the lowest circle and still had family and friends there. Her mother, she cheerfully told me, had worked in a brothel and her father was a pickpocket whose throat was cut when she was a child.
"She's now a courtesan, which is a great promotion because she only has one client. He keeps her in a large apartment on the lowest ring where his wife can't find her. He's a politician," she said.
I felt my horizons widening. I had many questions and she was happy to answer them all. I told her about Tolfalas, and working on a battlefront, about the soldiers, of whom she seemed a little scared. She told me that five years ago, there had been several incidents of soldiers sexually assaulting the female healers in the camps, and Thavron had pulled all the female healers back to the city. Elendil had executed many of the soldiers, and flogged even more.
I was horrified. I had only ever met one other female healer on the battlefield and that was Rin. Why had Thavron taken me on? Had he realised that I had nowhere else to go? Or thought he could protect me? When I thought about it, I had been constantly under the watchful eye of Thavron and Varin… he had been angry when I had snuck off to see Glorfindel. The only time I had ever been threatened was by Isildur.
While I felt that he should have told me about the assaults, I felt grateful for the protection he had given me.
It was a shame, I thought, for the soldiers suffered from a lack of healers, who were at risk from both the enemy army and their own, it seemed. What an ugly world it was, I thought, bitterly.
But I couldn't dwell on it for long. Isobel's knowledge of the streets took me to places Lind didn't even know about, and even the huge destruction in the lower rings did little to hinder her navigation around the streets and alleyways. A lot of the orphaned children were hiding in the sewers, and along with the soldiers, we managed to evacuate them. They were hungry and thirsty, and very mucky, but apart from a little dehydration and vomiting, I didn't think they would be permanently affected (at least physically) from a few days in a sewer. I wondered aloud how they had found their way down there.
"It's the best their parents could do for them, Mistress Healer," said one of the soldiers.
I realised, with a sinking heart, that no provisions had been made for even the children of the lower rings. And now, their homes and parents were gone.
Isobel and I patched them up, and they were placed in a badly run orphanage, but I was worried. I had been so lucky to have my grandmother to look after me when my mother died. A few of the children were picked up by relations, but by no means enough. I wanted to shout at Annie for forgetting them, but I didn't want to face him.
Instead, I had sought Lind for help, which turned out to be a mistake.
"I do not go down to the lower rings, Minnow," said Lind scandalised.
"They have lost their parents and are much distressed," I said, softly. I had not imagined she would refuse to visit them. I had assumed that she was not helping repair the city because she had not been given the opportunity.
But she wouldn't budge.
I imagined that the children of the lower rings had not entered Annie's mind when he was planning for the siege of the city. And why would he think of them? Why would Lind think of them?
"I am a lady and a guest of Princess Tinthel of Dol Amroth! I do not need to earn my keep or waste my time with street rats!" she snapped.
I didn't know what to say. What poor influence had Tinthel been on my friend?
"Why cannot you look after them?"
"I will be leaving soon with the retinue to go to the battlefront, and may not be back for many months," I told her.
Lind scoffed.
"What is the point of you being a lady if you continue to act like one of the under-class?" snapped Lind.
I understood she was worried for me, but that hurt.
I walked to the door and stood at it. Part of me wanted to shout back at her, but I had to keep my temper.
"I imagine Prince Isildur and Prince Anarion will be gratified to know that you took such good care of his people while they were busy saving Middle Earth. They both adore children," I said.
I had no idea if that was true: in fact, it was very likely the opposite, but I hoped that would work, for the orphans' sake as much as Lind's character.
My conversation with Annie on the subject did not go much smoother. He summoned me to his office a week or so after the siege had ended. He looked tired; there were bags under his eyes, and his clothes were crumpled. His study, however, was interesting. The books and ledgers I longed to look through, and strange instruments and scrolls and maps. Although Annie had never said anything directly to me, I now knew from both Glorfindel and Elwen that he had some expectations in that regard. I was at a loss as to how to proceed, so decided to play clueless.
I told him about the orphans who had been hidden in a sewage tunnel for almost a week as the battle raged on, and how all their parents had been killed and no one had realised that they were there. They needed help now, I told him.
"I'll look into it," he promised. I wonder if it was an empty one. He then told me that he had found out from Elwen that I intended to leave the city and make for the front on a few weeks. He asked me to stay. I refused. He stood up and ran his hands through his hair and asked again.
"Annie, I cannot stay here, you must understand that," I told him, trying to reign in my exasperation.
"I could demand it as your prince," he threatened.
I looked down. I longed to shout that he didn't have any power over me, but unfortunately, he did.
"If the Elf asked you to stay here in Minas Tirith where it's safe, you would," he accused.
"I would not! And he has not," I retorted. Glorfindel had never stopped me from doing anything that I needed to do and had never asked me to. I think he understood me in that regard. I would never ask him to stop doing his duty, and perhaps it didn't occur to him to ask me to go into the secure holdings.
"That is because the Elf doesn't love you," said Annie, his face tight and angry.
I felt like Annie had hit me. I think everything I felt must have shown on my face. Tears streamed down my face, and I stood up silently and left his study.
"Minnow, I only meant I do!" he shouted, but I didn't turn back. It was true, I thought as I ran through the citadel; Glorfindel had never told me he loved me. I had declared that I was in love with him, but he had said my love was returned. It was every day implied, but never confirmed.
Annie's opinion on the matter gave me great disquiet. It implied that he knew something of the relationship between me and the Elf. Perhaps we had not been discreet enough. Certainly, Glorfindel had spent every night in my chambers and that must have been noticed.
I ran into Elwen in the corridor near our respective chambers and she took one look at my face, and grabbed me by the hand and through her chambers, through entertaining rooms, the morning room and sitting room, until eventually, I was in her bedroom.
She leaned across her bed and took out a small, clear bottle from under her pillow. She took a swig then offered it to me.
"Are you making moonshine?" I asked, surprised. She laughed and told me she had swiped it from her brother's study a few weeks ago.
She lay down on the bed and patted next to her. I kicked off my boots and joined her. On the ceiling was an intricately painted galaxy, with celestial swirls and comets. It was truly beautiful, and a little mesmerising.
"Annie wants me to stay in Minas Tirith, but I have refused. He's angry… and he said that Glorfindel does not love me," I turned to look at her.
"I have not told him of your liaison with the Elf, even though I have been asked. He leans heavily on Glorfindel's strategical expertise. They are often shut up together discussing routes to Mordor. I do not blame you for not leaving Glorfindel's said," she said.
"It has nothing to do with Glorfindel. It is my duty. I also… I am of use. I think it is my destiny to be at this fight," I said. The alcohol was burning its way down my throat and making me a little light-headed. I wasn't entirely sure why I had said that. Did I mean it? I searched my heart, and the answer was perhaps.
"It is my destiny," I repeated, nonsensically.
"I don't know whether I believe in destiny or not. I only believe in power. Those who have it and those who do not," said Elwen, rather sadly.
"I love the painting on your ceiling," I mused.
"I do not. It is a gilded cage, but it is a cage, nonetheless."
I asked her what she would like to do with her life, if she had the choice, and her answer surprised me. She wanted to get married to someone strong, strong enough to stand up to her father and her oldest brother, but she had never met any man capable yet. Elwen also wanted to be in the north where it was cooler and wetter. She didn't like the climate, or the court or the "hateful city" as she called it, and she wanted no political duties ever again.
"Oh no, there's no more," she said, holding the bottle upside down.
"What is this drink?" I asked.
"I am not sure of its name, but I know it's made from potatoes," she told me.
"Potatoes?" I repeated, giggling. "It doesn't taste anything like potatoes!"
I staggered back through Elwen's many, many rooms and fell through the doorframe into my chambers and into Glorfindel.
"You're drunk," he said, incredulously. He had never seen me take more than a sip of alcohol before.
"We drank potatoes!" I told him, proudly.
Glorfindel made me drink a lot of water, and slowly undressed me before trying to tuck me into bed. I had never been this drunk before and found everything hilarious.
"Valar above, Minnow, please stop rolling around like that, you're going to fall off the bed," he said, exasperated.
I stopped rolling around and sat up. I pulled his hair into a top knot and tried to secure it in a bun on top of his head. He patiently let me.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked, wryly smiling. "You are following in one of your favourite Elf's footsteps. Unfortunately for my follicles, this is a well-worn path. Of course, Elrond and Elros were elflings when they decided to play hairdresser with me, and you are a fully-grown adult."
It was proving impossible for his silky hair to stay on top of his head, so instead I gave him pigtails. "You are lovely," I told him, then climbed into his lap and fell asleep.
In the morning, I awoke just before dawn with what I assumed was a hangover. I was now lying down, Glorfindel's arm around me. I untangled myself and hopping off the bed, drank all the water in the jug. I had never known such a thirst.
"I am… very sorry," I told Glorfindel, who was awake and watching me with an amused look on his face.
"Are you really?"
"No, you looked very pretty," I said, laughing. He grabbed me and started tickling me.
An hour or so later, I lay in bed with Glorfindel, side by side, sweaty and satisfied. My leg was hooked over his, and he was breathing heavily.
"I think all this sex is tiring you out, Ancient Elf," I murmured.
"Do you question my stamina, young sapling?" he asked, turning on his side to look at me. Then he asked why I had been drinking. It was out of character for me, I knew that, and not something I was likely to repeat again soon. Ladies of the court were not supposed to get drunk; I imagined neither did elleth. An inelegant member of the under-class, I thought.
But what was I supposed to tell him? There were so many things upsetting me. I told him Annie was angry that I wanted to continue healing with the soldiers, and that I had asked him for help with the orphaned children, but I did not think it likely he would do anything. I had asked Lind, but she had been offended by the very idea of looking after the under-class children.
"I do not know how I feel being friends with people's whose values are so decidedly different to my own," I told him, honestly.
Glorfindel looked pensive.
"I should like to meet the orphans. I think some of my battalion could spare a few hours to come as well. Elves have had no children for hundreds of years and so it would be an unusual event for us," he said, unexpectedly.
"Really?" I asked, hugging him tight.
Two days later, Glorfindel and two dozen Elves walked rather tentatively into the orphanage as the poor matron looked on, rather gormlessly. I had told Isobel and children that they were in for a treat, but not what it was. I smiled at the children's wide eyes and open mouths, but I was not unaffected myself. A large group of immortal beings led by one that is glowing is always bound to shock.
I made the necessary introductions and encouraged the children to greet their visitors.
The dark-haired children of Minas Tirith were as fascinated by the Elves as the Eldar were by the children, and they had brought gifts, which looked of their own making, mostly carved toys of soldiers and horses.
The children were surprised, and a little bit scared, but the first one, a rather boisterous boy called Cuartaro who had declared that he was going to marry Isobel when he grew up, walked forward to claim his toy soldier. Another followed, and gave the Elf a hug.
The Elf, a dark-haired soldier who spoke Westron with a lilting accent I didn't recognise, looked alarmed and a little touched. A little conversation, rather hesitant, was begun.
But what seemed to amuse the smaller children more than anything was the Elves trying to guess their ages. Human children and Eldar children matured rather differently, it seemed, and the Elves struggled to understand how a two-year-old could talk. They seemed to think it was some sort of a miracle.
"Try to guess Lord Glorfindel's age, Cuartaro," I suggested, rather mischievously. Glorfindel gave me a rather knowing look.
The boy looked Glorfindel up and down, narrowed his eyes and said the highest number he could think of.
"Twenty-six!" repeated Glorfindel, his smile reaching his eyes.
Isobel and I could not stop laughing.
"Fifty!" called out Jenna, who was a teenager and looked a bit awed by the Elves.
"Are you older than the King?" asked another. Glorfindel answered in the affirmative.
"Two hundred?" asked Isobel, scrunching up her nose.
"I will give you a hint, young mortal," said a Noldo elf called Erestor, and told him that Glorfindel was older than the sun.
This began a large discussion as to how old the sun could possibly be. The Elves found this amusing and kept giving increasingly ridiculous answers to the children's questions, which made them giggle. Cuartaro wanted to know how Glorfindel managed before the sun; was he always cold? Was he always in the dark?
"The sun?" I asked, horrified. "You were born before… the sun?"
This did not make sense to me. How was Glorfindel older than Arda?
After a long discussion, where a two-year-old climbed into Erestor's lap and covered his tunic in jam and Glorfindel was showing teenage boys some battle strategies with the toy soldiers on the ground, stretching out his long legs and looking quite at home.
"I've got it! Seven thousand years old!" shouted Jenna.
"That is ridiculous," huffed Cuartaro. "You might as well say a million.'
"Indeed, miss Jenna, you are correct," said Glorfindel with a smile, and got to his feet. Her bowed the Elvish way, and she clumsily curtseyed.
"A star has shone on the hour of our meeting," he said, courteously.
She was almost overcome by this and smiled at him, then ran to me.
"Well done!" I whispered as I hugged her. Then, Glorfindel said, with regrets, that they had to leave and return to their duties, but that they had enjoyed meeting each and every one of them.
"The humans' young are far more palatable than their adult counterparts," said one Elf on the way out. "Although I'd like to know why some of them have their teeth missing already. Surely that cannot be normal."
I made a note to myself to find out if Elves were born with two sets of teeth like humans were. I somehow doubted it.
"Technically, you're seven thousand, four hundred and thirty-four," said Erestor in Sindarin to Glorfindel.
"Well, who is counting?" asked Glorfindel, merrily.
When they had left, and were very nearly out of earshot, all the children who had been a little shy, suddenly started screaming and jumping on me, asking me a million questions about how I knew the Elves and if Glorfindel really was as old as the sun.
I was glad; it seemed a little Elven magic was enough to lift anyone's spirits.
At dinner with Lind and Tinthel, we were joined by Elwen unexpectedly. This meant that the conversation could not revolve around the princess' brothers and matrimonial prospects, as with all our other dinners, and for once, Tinthel seemed at a loss for conversation. I took this opportunity to mention that some of Lord Glorfindel's battalion had visited the orphanage this afternoon.
"Elves are prodigiously fond of children," remarked Elwen.
"They brought them carved toys of soldiers that I believe that they made themselves. They are very kind," I said, neutrally.
"My father is keen to build the alliance with the Elves in every way possible," said Elwen. "I shall make sure that Anarion knows of their interest in the orphanage."
"Indeed?" said Lind, surprised.
"Perhaps we should visit the orphanage, Lind," said Tinthel. "I imagine the children would benefit immensely from our guidance."
I did not, but thought that
"Let's!" said Lind, smiling. "I do not like to be idle."
"Nor I!" replied Tinthel.
I knew that to be a great falsehood. They had both spent the day shopping for shoes, and had insisted on showing me what they had bought and commenting on the strangeness of my own Elven boots.
Elwen linked arms with me on our way back to our chambers.
"I always find manipulating the feeble-minded to be great fun," she told me. I snorted, and suddenly, we were both laughing.
A few days later, Glorfindel and another left to scout an alternative route. He told me he would be back in a few days, donned his armour and left. I was not worried for him as I knew him to be a great warrior, but I was not looking forward to the empty bed.
Isobel invited me to stay with her aunt and uncle, who ran a tavern called The Suckling Pig, in the lower ring. She visited them every month or so and caught up with her young cousins who were all apprenticed. Their house was next to the busy tavern, which was left unharmed by the orc siege and whose customers spilled out onto the pavement, singing and laughing at nothing.
It felt good to see such merriment. This city felt so grim to me.
Isobel entertained her aunt and uncle with rather cutting impressions of the over-privileged and rather clueless healer graduates that she spent a lot of time looking after and our work in the orphanage. Her three cousins asked lots of questions and threw mashed potatoes at each other. I felt like I fitted in very well.
It felt good to be back in a normal person's house, I thought. I could hear things creaking, no one had any tables manners whatsoever, the food was deliciously greasy and everyone looked a little grubby.
"Aye, the children of the lower rings are always the worst off," said her uncle, bitterly.
"The nobles are lordly enough, but they care more for their heritage and dealings with Elves than us middle-men in their city," said her aunt.
I could see that there was a huge amount of resentment in this city towards the nobles. Even after two weeks, the lower rings and the damage caused by the siege were largely untouched, while the upper rings which has suffered far less had been cleaned up immediately, so much so that the nobles continued to go shopping. I did not blame them for their anger.
"The Elves came to see the children," I said, loyally. "They brought toys and played with them."
"Did they?" asked Isobel's aunt, surprised.
There was a long pause.
"I'm going to the front with the soldiers," Isobel announced. I turned to look at her, shocked. She had never mentioned this to me before.
"Isobel, it's not safe!" said her uncle, pleadingly.
"Minnow has been on the battlefront for over a year!" she said. I was not sure if I wanted to be a shining example to anyone.
"Healer Thavron has looked after me. But there was a soldier that tried to… hurt me once. I do not know how safe it will be when we get to the front, Isobel. I do not have any family to worry about me," I told her.
"Many of the other healers say they are going!" she protested. "Things have changed."
"What those stuck-up healers say they are going to do and what they will really do is not the same thing," snarled her uncle.
"They are not like that anymore. They don't do that anymore," said Isobel severely.
I had no idea what they were referring to but decided to ask later.
"If you do come, I will, of course, do everything in my power to look after you and keep you in my sight. But I cannot guarantee your safety, and I'm not sure I would advise coming. It is hard work, and I was always tired and dirty," I told her.
"And he may already be dead, Isobel," said her aunt.
Oh, I thought, Isobel had a sweetheart.
"I know that, but I want to do my part, and I have made up my mind," she said, stoutly.
"Is there anything for dessert?" her young cousin asked. We all smiled at him and found that there was gooseberry pie for pudding.
"Are you sleeping with the glowing Elf?" whispered Isobel, as we did the washing up. I jolted.
"What gave it away?" I whispered back.
She rolled her eyes at me. "The way he looked at you. The way you look at him. He has good taste for an Elf," she told me.
I smiled back at her.
"Is there a soldier you are promised to?" I asked, tentatively.
She sighed and told me about her sweetheart. She hadn't heard from him in five years, but she still had hope. His name was Tomas and he had lovely blue eyes and a wicked sense of humour.
"What was that about what the houses of healing used to do?" I asked, as we climbed into the bed we were to share for the night. It was in a small, cramped room, and I could hear her two male cousins snoring next door. They had insisted on showing me their bunk beds and made me try out the top bunk.
"Oh, that. The houses of healing used to sterilise people they thought unworthy to add to the Gondorian population. Goodnight!"
I didn't sleep much that night. The gooseberry pie churned around my stomach, and I lay on the bed next to Isobel softly breathing, and I tried not to cry. I truly, truly, hated this city, I thought to myself.
Back in the citadel a few days later, Rin and I had loaded up forty large carts with our supplies and were taking names of the healers who were to accompany us. It seemed that Varin's shine had worn off, and many young women had decided against it after all.
However, most of the men were keen, and there were some people of sense who I was glad to see.
"I have made my mind up," said Isobel, resolutely.
"I'm glad you're coming," I told her, meaning it.
Around seventy of us gathered in one of the meeting rooms to discuss our journey. I looked around at them. We were a big mix. None of the recent graduates apart from Monte had come; probably for the best, and it was mostly older men who were probably set to retire.
Varin and Rin stood in front of us, and thanked us all, telling us no oath or promise bound us to this journey and we could change our mind at any point. Then, he said that we would be walking alongside the carts, and could not carry much with us, and asked whoever had experience with horses to let him know afterwards.
"We will pass through Minas Morgul and meet with our troops in the land of the Enemy," said Varin.
"We're going into Mordor?" I whispered to Isobel. She looked back at me, horrified. I had thought, erroneously, that we would go to Dagorland and lure Sauron out. But to go into the Enemy land itself…
But it got worse.
"We are going to pass through an Enemy stronghold. Lord Glorfindel thinks that it will be emptied as the Last Alliance now plans to lay siege on Barad-dur. We will bring supplies from the south-east, and all the healers and soldiers that can walk there. The Elf battalion and Prince Anarion's soldiers will accompany us and we will endeavour to keep the men fighting fit along the journey," said Varin.
"So it begins," I said, desolately. I wasn't sure what Minas Morgul was, exactly, but it did not sound good.
"We must leave in three days so you must say your goodbyes now. King Elendil's troops will have marched through Dagorland by now and may be in Mordor already," Varin said, distractedly.
This was probably not the best time to ask about the house of healing's policy of sterilising people, I thought, as everyone rushed around. I told Varin I was a competent horsewoman and spent the rest of the afternoon advising the healers how to dress on the road, and what to bring with them.
Varin had given me one piece of good news though: Glorfindel was back.
Later that evening, Glorfindel and I lay naked in each other's arms. We had spent the last month learning each other's bodies and soon that would be over for the foreseeable. I had found that Glorfindel's favourite position was me on top of him, riding him, and mine was anything with as much skin contact as possible. I did prefer him picking me up and pinning me against a wall, however. It was something about being lifted off the ground by him and wrapping my legs around his torso that I liked. I had discovered that if I licked or bit his ear while we were having sex, he would cum hard and immediately. He had discovered that I could have multiple orgasms. This was a very pleasant and smug discovery for me, too.
But my favourite thing of all was falling asleep in his arms. It made me feel safe and loved.
Even if he had never said it.
And I would miss it a lot.
I gave Elwen my money and rubies and asked her to keep them safe.
"Is this really all your worldly possessions? This is quite pathetic," she told me, before vowing to look after them. "I can't imagine why anyone would want to steal this paltry bag of coin," she sniffed. We embraced and I told her I would see her soon.
"I hope so, Minnow," she said, looking sad. Her father and brothers were all going to be at the battle soon, I thought, and she could lose her family in one fell swoop if things turned ill.
I said goodbye to Lind and Tinthel at the orphanage, where they were trying and failing not to show how out of their comfort zone they were. It was clear the dirt of the lower ring horrified them, and the mucky children in their mismatched clothes – and missing teeth – were not endearing themselves to the two gentlewomen.
"Take it easy on them," I advised Jenna, who was watching them with disdain, her arms folded. She had told me she was interested in becoming a healer. "If you befriend them, they will be able to help you get into the house of healing… and perhaps give you one of their old dresses."
Jenna's eyes gleamed and she nodded at me. She walked over to the two of them, curtseyed and started asking them questions. I watched them for a while, before walking over to Lind.
"Change your mind and stay here, I have such need of you," asked Lind, her lip wobbling.
"Take care of yourself and I will see you soon," I promised.
I donned my tunic and leggings and tied my hair up in my headscarf. My dagger, Nimloth, was on a belt.
Could I do this again, I wondered. Life at the houses of healing was far easier than I had thought it would be. It was hardly stretching. Part of me longed to stay and ask Lind to take me to those baths again.
But every other part of me wanted to leave this hateful city and return to my friends on the front. And it was true, there was something in me that thought I needed to be there, in Mordor. Although I wasn't sure why; one more healer surely wouldn't make much difference in the battle of the Age.
I'm not sure I believed that though; even the smallest most insignificant person had their part to play.
I strode out to where we were gathering. The huge carts had already started to leave. I knew the Elves had already left the city and were waiting for us on the plains. Annie was looking regal in the fanciest armour I had ever seen, looming over me on a large black horse. He looked sad, and solemn, and more handsome than ever. It was strange that I had not thought him handsome before, but perhaps it was to do with how his beard had grown in. He was now wearing it long, and looked older than he was. I had not seen much of Annie for a while. I'm not sure if I was ignoring him, or he was avoiding me, but we had both been busy.
I did not know how to greet him, so I nodded.
"If you insist on coming with us, then the least I can do is make sure that you have a horse for the journey. This is Holly," he said, holding the reins to a chestnut horse.
I took the reins and mounted the horse with a quiet thanks and turned it to walk besides Isobel. I had decided not to leave her side for a second; she was a young woman, pretty, and I did not want Isildur to be alone with her for one second.
She smiled at me widely, and after half an hour of checking and re-checking, Varin declared us ready.
As I rode down Minas Tirith's winding road through its various rings, it felt as if the city expected that we were going to our deaths. Onlookers were silent and sad, throwing flowers at our feet. I hadn't expected them to cheer us along, but this was depressing. In fact, we could all do with something to cheer our spirits; there were a lot of long faces.
The only one vaguely happy was Varin, who was looking forward to seeing Thavron.
"He's going to kill me when he sees me," said Varin, cheerfully. "He told me he didn't want me anywhere near a battlefield ever again and he would stab me himself if he saw me on one."
I looked at him, askance.
"You're not the only one who enjoys a bit of conflict in their relationship," he whispered, winking at me.
I snorted.
We joined the Elves and the men on the plain, and they surrounded our wagons, and we rode on.
Valar above, the road was boring. Rin told me that we would pass through Osgiliath at the end of the day, where we would pick up another battalion of men, and more healers and supplies.
Until then, I rode my horse next to where Isobel was walking and chatted idly to her and Monte. He was very excited, for he had never left Minas Tirith. Rin told us about Osgiliath and how it was the Citadel of the Host of Stars and housed a huge Dome where the throne room was. It was Isildur's preferred city, apparently.
She said it was more impressive than Minas Tirith in many ways.
This led to a great debate between Monte and Isobel who were very patriotic about their city and Rin, who preferred Osgiliath, and the argument lasted until we crossed the river Anduin and saw the city for the first time.
"Oh, yes, I can see what you were talking about," Monte said, weakly, as we stopped outside the city.
It was shockingly ornate. It was much larger and spread out far with plenty of domes and gardens, whereas Minas Tirith had been chiselled from the rock. But we did not have time to enter the city and met with a large contingent outside.
We were moving at speed, even with the large wagons laden down with heavy supplies. Varin rode back and forth on his horse, much like Thavron used to do, making sure all the soldiers were not in need of assistance.
There were around twenty thousand soldiers with us. We made a large snake across the countryside, as we headed towards the mountains.
I didn't see Glorfindel or the Elves at all.
"Healer Firien is doing my head in," muttered Varin. The head healer of Osgiliath considered himself senior to Varin and they kept arguing.
"Keep your cool. We'll assign Erik to him when we get to Mordor," I said.
Varin smiled at me and Rin rolled her eyes.
"I do not think Erik is really as bad as you two make out," she said, before we both groaned and put our hands over our ears. "Well, really! His heart is in the right place!"
I showed the new healers how to make the most of a bedroll, and how to stretch to get rid of their aches and pains from walking all day. Some of the soldiers had issues with their boots (always badly fitted) and we had to bind their feet. They weren't in the best condition, some of the new soldiers, I thought.
I went to say hello to the Osgiliath healers, who were all men, but they refused to look me in the eye and ignored me when I spoke to them.
"That was weird," I whispered to Isobel.
I found out later from Monte that a lot of the male healers had taken a vow of chastity and found even talking to women to be too much of a temptation. We all found this quite funny and took turns to say hello to the Osgiliath healers every morning.
We reached the mountains all too soon.
Climbing through the mountains, we travelled along a long-tilted valley which ran back far into the mountains. Some way within the valley's arms, high on a rocky seat stood the walls and towers of Minas Morgul. All was dark about it, earth and sky, but it was lit with light.
"It was once a Gondorian fortress," Annie told me. I asked how that was possible. It had the look of evil about it.
"Evil has no power of its own, only the power to corrupt," said Glorfindel, who had appeared again, and was riding next to us, looking grave and severe.
Annie told us that when it was Minas Ithil, the light of the marbles walls was fair and radiant in the hollow of the hills. Now, it was paler than the moon ailing in some slow eclipse, wavering and blowing like a noisome exhalation of decay, a corpse-light, a light that illuminated nothing.
A shiver went through me as we passed through the gates. It felt like it was haunted. The Elves were lined up, creating a path for us so that we could pass through the gates and the city. I wondered what they were protecting us from.
"I don't think we are alone," I whispered at Annie.
"No," he said, grimly. "Keep to the path and ride fast if you need to."
He left our train, and took his horse next to Glorfindel, who was looking up at the large houses. They conversed softly in Sindarin.
"Isobel, grab my hand," I said, pulling her up to sit behind me on the horse. Varin who was ahead of me, looked at me and nodded. "Hold tight," I told her.
The elves moved as one, and took out their long bows, and raised them. Glorfindel shouted in Sindarin, and they let loose their arrows. Orcs fell from the walls onto the ground with a terrible thudding, and the Elves' bows sang.
We didn't have any archers in our army, I realised. Or, we didn't have any left.
Soldiers started running ahead to get out of the city, and the wagons were slowly getting left behind.
At long last, I saw Glorfindel fight. His drawn sword glinted in the pale light of this wretched city as he easily beheaded the orcs who came near him. But they were only on the defensive: the Elves' objective was safe passage through the city, not to kill the orcs there. He would fight and kill them for as long as the soldiers needed to get out the other end.
"You need to keep moving," hissed Varin. "I will stay with the wagons, you two must leave!"
I saw the sense in that, and with one last look back at Glorfindel, who was engaged full in warfare, and looked so terrifying that the orcs were
Isobel grabbed me tightly and I kicked the horse and we sped off towards Mordor, leaving our friends behind.
Arrows flew through the air, and we twisted and turned through the strange city, following the soldiers who were running for their lives, and watching with horror, the Elves who were not moving and holding the line. At least they had a lot of armour on, I thought.
"Alright?" I asked Isobel, as I jumped over a fallen soldier.
"I think so!" she replied.
At long last we made it across the city and saw that the soldiers were regrouping on the other side.
After half an hour, the first wagons started to appear and I sighed with relief. More followed, until I saw Varin and Rin, and eventually, the rest of the soldiers pooled out.
The Elves retreated quickly after that, and did not look worse for wear, I thought.
There had been, rather amazingly, very little casualties. Only ten men had died. A few had arrow wound injuries, and a few cuts and scrapes, but we were to heal them once we put some distance between us and Minas Morgul.
Overall, Glorfindel's wild plan had been a great success. We were now in Mordor and would be with our troops in less than a week.
"That was exciting!" said Monte, after helping three men who had arrows in their shoulder and thigh onto a wagon. Isobel slapped him on the back of the head, and I laughed.
Isobel did her best to treat them on the wagon but could not remove the arrow while we were moving. Everyone was quiet and relieved but scared of being in Mordor.
It was noticeably hotter, and the ground was black. The very air we breathed felt like a poisonous fume.
And we were heading towards more mountains, I noted, with a sinking heart. How would the wagons fare?
It turned out, not well. The Elves had to lift them up several steps and since there were now seventy wagons, this took a considerable amount of time. Annie and some of the Numenorean men helped too, but it took a feat of strength that was beyond most humans.
"Maybe if I eat more eggs," pondered Monte, as we stood around waiting for the Elves to help the wagons through the narrow mountain paths. I smothered a snort.
A familiar face appeared next to me and bowed the Elvish way, courteously. It was Glorfindel's friend.
"Lord Erestor," I said, surprised, and bowed back to him the Elvish way.
"Lady Minnow, Healer Isobel… young man," he said, looking at my friends. "I wonder if you would give me a moment of your time."
"Of course," I stuttered, and handed Isobel the reins of my horse.
"No amount of eggs will make you that strong!" called Erestor over his shoulder at Monte, as he led me up a few crooked stairs into the mountain.
"A boy can dream!" Monte shouted back.
Erestor grinned at me. I had been worried that I was in for a lecture about Eldar/Edain relations and how I had set my sights too high, but Erestor didn't seem the type.
"No one else will say this," he began, and I began to feel nervous. "But you're exactly who and what Glorfindel needs…"
"A stubborn mortal of low birth who has no manners?" I asked, sardonically.
"Glor has strange tastes. He has been known to braid his horse's hair with bells. I thank you for making him happy."
We had reached the top of the stairs.
Glorfindel had his back to me and was watching the soldiers make his way through the mountain passage from his vantage point.
"Thanks, 'Stor," he said, turning around. Erestor replaced him, and Glorfindel led me back down the steps and sat down, pulling me next to him. His full armour made it hard to get close to him.
"We will part ways as soon as we leave the mountain passage. I wish to assure you that I am not going to perish in this battle, although it may be of no short duration-" he told me, holding me by the arms.
"You cannot know that," I told him, my lip wobbling.
He smiled mysteriously. "I can, it is in the Song. I have already died once, the Valar do not wish it again."
At my blank look, he finally explained that the Song of the Illuvatar held in its melodies everything of import, and that if you learned to listen and understand it, as Elves had over many millennia, then you could determine your fate. He told me that he could hear it at all times.
I couldn't imagine what that was like.
"You said I wasn't in the Song," I said, stupidly.
"You are important to me," he insisted in Sindarin and my heart soared. "And to many others like Elrond. I do not think you are unimportant."
I nodded, but I didn't really care if I wasn't in the Song.
"Glor, does that mean that you knew you were going to die at Gondolin?" I asked.
He nodded. "I knew if I pursued the Balrog to give the refugees time, instead of fleeing with them, it would lead to my death."
"And you did it anyway," I said, softly.
"But I am not going to die at this battle, and you must make sure that you do not, either," he told me, holding me tight. "Nimloth is an Elven blade. It will be true to you." He touched the dagger at his waste.
"I will do my best," I told him. He said that there had been sieges in Mordor before, and that they had lasted a few years (which had greatly surprised me) but he didn't think any of us had the resources to last that long. He said it would be a matter of months, and he thought it would take six weeks to destroy the Enemy.
He kissed me fiercely, told me to stay out of trouble and he would find me after the battle was over. He stood up and went back to his lookout point. Erestor accompanied me back to my friends. I was too upset to converse.
"I'd like to see a horse with bells in its hair," I said, morosely, before saying goodbye to him.
"I have no doubt you will," said Erestor, and then he bowed and called me something in Quenya. It had Glorfindel's name in it; perhaps it meant Glorfindel's girl?
It took another few hours before the wagons were pushed through the mountains and we were finally on what Anarion told us was the Plateau of Gorgoroth. The Elves took their leave, Glorfindel laying his hand on Annie's shoulders in a show of comfort and friendship for all the soldiers to see.
He didn't look back at me as he rode away. My heart felt like it was in my throat.
We started moving too, albeit at a much slower speed. Annie had decided to take us to Barad-dur. It became clear that he wasn't very sure where the battle actually was. I wondered how he felt. He had been victorious at the siege, but mostly with Glorfindel's assistance. It has been Glorfindel's risky plan to take us through the creepy city, and his Elves who had kept us safe. Now, as the Elven general had ridden off with his battalion, Annie was on his own with only his captains to guide him.
We couldn't see much. There didn't seem to be any delineation between night and day in Mordor, all was twilight. The air was thick with smog, and we couldn't see far ahead. I thought I saw a twinkling of orange gold at one point, but I could have been wrong.
Mordor smelled sulphuric. I felt I could smell and even taste Mount Doom.
The Nazgul were also here. We could occasionally hear them, but we did not see them, and they didn't see us, either. That did not make us feel brave. I wish Glorfindel had not left us; his glowing self was a huge comfort in the dark, but he had his orders. He had done much for us already.
Varin claimed it took us a week to reach Barad-dur but if you had told us that it was a very long day, I would have believed you. Sometimes I slept on my horse. We never stopped moving, but we met no one. There were often huge craters in the ground that we narrowly missed falling into, or huge piles of abandoned armour or knives. Once, we saw a group of cave trolls in the dark mist, moving in a line. We simply avoided them.
I had tied a cloth round my mouth to breath from and encouraged the rest of the healers to do the same. After a little bullying, I managed to convince the Osgiliath healers to donate their rather ostentatious robes to me. Using Nimloth, I ripped them up and Monte and another young healer distributed them to the army. Perhaps they would prove unwieldy when they were in battle, but until then, they needed to protect their lungs. We were all coughing.
And then, just when we all felt like giving up, we found Elendil's army. We would have shouted out in joy, but we were too depressed and who knew who was listening in this strange, ashen land.
A guard met us, and word slowly trickled through the ranks that the fighting had already started at the foot of Mount Doom, which was some leagues away. The soldiers split from us healers and were led in a column away from us. Varin led us another way. Soon, we came across a familiar sight. It was a very large healers' tent. And standing in front of it, smiling even in Mordor, was our Head Healer.
"Thav," said Varin, hoarsely and they embraced each other. I sniffed.
"I have missed you too, piglet," said Thavron, reaching out to grab me and pull me from my horse.
Introductions were made, the wagons were moved, and supplies removed. There was an explosion far away. We all shuddered. Now I was listening properly, I could hear it. The clang of metal, animal cries, and strange roaring, leagues in the distance.
Thavron cleared his throat and looked around at all of us in the dark light. "We have but one objective. We wait here until the battle is over, and we patch up the men as best we can, and get everyone out on the wagons. We are here to ensure the survival of man. We cannot let them succumb to infection. Do you understand?"
"Yes," we all said, in unison, nodding.
"Now rest. We have time."
I grabbed Isobel and pulled her with me to look for Rin. She was in the healers' tent, looking over the beds that had been laid out, and muttering to herself. I looked across the volcanic plain and felt rather than heard a deep roll of thunder, and then a flash of lightning illuminated the view before us for a brief, few seconds. Thousands of men and Elves, leagues and leagues away, were fighting dark creatures, and above it all was a menacing and clearly active volcano.
"Well, we're in Mordor," said Monte, who had followed us out to look.
"It is somehow much worse than I had ever dared dream," said Isobel, her face pale.
"Don't like it much, either," said Erik, who had hobbled next to us.
"Fecking evil volcano!" said Astro, cheerfully.
"At least it's warm," said Rin, trying to find something positive to say.
Isobel and Monte slung their arms around each other.
"I'm glad we're all here," I said.
Over the next few weeks, men started to spill out from the battlefield. They were invariably beyond our help and died of shock soon after arriving. Astro buried them. We began to worry if any of the soldiers could survive fighting like this.
It was hard to count the days, but Thavron could still tell what time it was. I supposed this was a Numenorean advantage. I told him that Glorfindel thought it would take six weeks to kill the Enemy and he began to treat it as a countdown.
The time passed quickly and slowly. We dozed. We buried the men who ran back across the plain with their arms cut off and died of blood loss within seconds of reaching us. The Osgiliath healers prayed and sang, which I enjoyed. The Nazgul soared overhead.
The horses were jittery, but I took great comfort in brushing them down.
I began to pray, too. Valar, I thought, let us make sure that no dark lord ever again tries to rule Arda. Its people have suffered enough. Please let them live.
"This is the sixth week," said Thavron, sitting down next to me. Isobel was sleeping on a bedroll next to me.
"Glorfindel has faith that we will win. And I must say, even as scared as I am in this awful land, I have faith in Elendil and Gil-galad," I said.
"I do, too. Elendil has always accomplished anything he sets out to do, and I think his will is as strong as the Enemy's," Thavron said.
"Varin told me how you two got together," I said, smiling. Thavron's eyes twinkled at me.
"He loves that story," he said, with a snort.
"I do, too," I said.
Suddenly, there was a strange noise, like a wave, I thought, but not of water. Perhaps of air, I thought. We stood up and tried to see what it was, but it was too dark.
Minutes later, it seems I was right. A gust of wind so strong hit us so hard that it knocked us out.
I awoke, drowsily, lying on Monte, feeling bruised. Some of the other healers had already picked themselves up and I pulled up Monte and found Isobel. She had hit her head but was alright.
After a few minutes, we were all up on our feet, a little bruised but not broken – yet slightly breathless. Whether that was from being knocked off our feet, or anticipation, I couldn't tell.
What was that wind, we all whispered to each other. One of the Osgiliath healers thought it was the Valar, and another guessed it was Sauron's spirit rushing out of Mordor.
Varin and I rolled our eyes at each other. And yet, the wind had cleared the air a little. We could see further into the distance, but so far, all we could see was ashen rock.
"We must wait," said Thavron, steadily.
An hour later, we could see someone running towards us. My hand went to my dagger, and we all tensed.
It was a soldier, and he was shouting, but we couldn't make out the words. He was waving his arms at us.
"For the love of Valar, run faster and shout louder," snapped Erik, spitting on the ground next to me. For once, I was in total agreement with him.
"They have killed him!" shouted the soldier, collapsing in front of us.
"Who? WHO?" boomed Thavron.
"Sauron! The Dark Lord!"
I sank to my knees. "Thank Valar," I muttered, my hands on the ground. Besides me, some of the other healers had thrown up. They had done it, I thought, they had actually beaten the Enemy.
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