Is not general incivility the very essence of love?
— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Glorfindel allowed me to bathe him. Silently, we walked to the river, following it upstream for some time, until we were far from anyone else. There, I slowly stripped him of his armour, and then his clothes. He patiently stood in front of me, his eyes closed and his breathing soft, until he was naked. We had been wearing the same clothes for almost two months now - and as grimy as I had been (and I had been grimy and sooty), Glorfindel was covered in dried blood. It was the dirtiest I had ever seen him.
Even parts of his gold hair were tinged with red.
But it wasn't his own for there wasn't a scratch on him. I knew it must be his kin for it was not orc blood.
I led him to the water and he sighed as he sunk into the refreshing coldness. He sat on the riverbed shallows and put his hands between his knees. I watched him for a moment, worried about him, then I followed him in just my chemise, kneeling in front of him. His long limbs were grey with Mordor's soot.
I had never seen him so tired.
But dipping his head back into the river, I saw contentment flood over him.
And then I sponged him down.
Languidly, he watched me as I cleaned him. We had not spoken to one another since we were reunited. There was so much to talk about, but most of it so awful and we were so tired that I didn't want to think about it. What I did want to do is run my sponge over Glorfindel's back muscles and chest at length.
"I think I'm clean now, Minnow," said Glorfindel, after a while, smiling at me.
"I am the healer, and you are the dirty Elf," I told him, tartly. He laughed, and pulled me on top of him, holding me gently.
"You are cold, Minnow," he chided.
"Yes, that is why I'm shivering," I replied, smirking. He rolled his eyes at me and effortlessly picked me up and deposited me on the bank. He shook his hair, and then pulled his leggings on and picked up his armour. I made a dissenting noise and so he chucked his filthy shirt at me.
"That is the only thing I trust you with, young sapling," he said, cheekily.
I was unsuccessful at my attempts to whip him with his own shirt, and he gave me merry chase back to the Elf camp.
"Come," he said, pulling me down a path and into a tent. The Elves had quickly set up their camp, I thought, impressed. "Don't you recognise it?"
"Green, antiseptic Elf tent," I said, with a smile. It was Glorfindel's tent from all those months ago (could it really be a year?) that I had stayed in when I was recovering from my injuries. A bedroll had been laid out, and there were two bowls of soup and a plate of bread on the floor, as well as a jug of water
"Elrond," said Glorfindel with a smile. There was a bag at the bottom of the bed, and he pulled his grey shirt and donned it quickly. Then he took out a cloth and jar of oil and cleaned his armour. It was strange to see him so domestic and I found it so mesmerising. He gestured for me to eat. I wasn't sure I was hungry, I felt too numb to it, but I dipped some bread into the soup and contemplated him.
His light was dimmer than I had ever seen it. I wondered if it were tiredness, or what he had been doing in Mordor. He hadn't been with Gil-galad - he must have had another task. But I would not ask him about it. Indeed, I was too tired to think of any questions right now.
His armour sufficiently cleaned, he propped it up on the chair and ate his soup, slowly, staring at the ground.
"Usually we do not allow mortals to sleep in our encampment, but I do not think I could part from you," he said, softly.
I shook my head at him. I wasn't sure why I was close to tears, but I was. Perhaps it was the thought of trekking back to my camp, further and further away from him. He buried his head in my shoulder and muttered in Quenya for a while and I rubbed his back, crying silently.
I slept on top of Glorfindel that night, his arm curled around me, and my head in the nook between his shoulder and his neck. He slept with his eyes closed and his soft breathing made me think of the ocean.
In the morning, he woke me by drawing figures of eight on my hip.
He kissed me roughly. "Minnow, I need you," he said in Sindarin, looking at me so intensely I felt dazed.
"Yes," I said, a bit breathlessly. He was holding my hips very tightly, more tightly than he had ever held me before. His large hands made me feel very delicate in comparison to his height and the width of his chest - in particular his shoulders.
He pulled my hair back, surprising me, and his silvery eyes gazed at me. "No, I need you, Minnow," he said, urgently.
"Laurefindelë, yes," I said. I had never called him his Quenya name before, not even in my head, but it seemed to be right thing to say. I stroked his right ear and he breathed in sharply.
He flipped me over so I lay on my front and nipped the back of my neck. Holding my wrists over my head in one hand, his other hand pulled up the chemise I had slept in and touched me intimately. I tried not to gasp.
It felt like I was surrounded by Glorfindel as he lay naked, flush against my back. We had never done this in a campsite full of Elves who - although exhausted - would definitely be able to hear everything we were doing.
"Keep quiet," he said, and he said something in Quenya, that could have been a nickname or a curse word but it made me gasp.
"Yes," I whispered.
He paused, perhaps aware of how much he was dominating me and holding me in place.
"Laurefindelë, yes," I whispered.
I'm not sure I was particularly quiet. I tried but I couldn't be. We had made love before, many times, in many different positions and explored each other's bodies, and fallen off the bed and laughed (this was just me - although I had once tried to roll him off the bed much to his amusement) but this was different. It felt raw - strangely more intimate even though it was less gentle. He didn't hurt me but he held me tighter than he had ever touched me, and he was deliciously rough. Our emotions were closer to the surface, and there was such need. I could not tell you what I felt when he said he needed me. He had never looked more vulnerable, like he needed my protection, as if only I could chase away his sorrow. I felt it in my heart but also all over my skin. Something tingled within me when I said his Quenya name - it felt like I had taken one step closer to him, closer to his heart. But it was Glorfindel who was different to the last time we had been together. There had been a lot of joy and desire then. It had felt lighter. But this felt like comfort, and need. Desperate need, pure lust, and an out of body experience. As he took me harder and harder, I began to shake at the intensity of it until my orgasm was finally over.
"Ai," said Glorfindel softly, utterly spent. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead absentmindedly.
"Intense," I said, unintelligently.
He apologised, but I told him not to. He stroked my legs for a bit, massaging my muscles until I settled into my daze. I realised I had cried again without realising it. Glorfindel wiped away my tears.
At length he spoke.
"We stormed the tower at Barad-dûr. When you destroyed the ring, we were able to level it flat. But I have seen much dark magic that pains my heart and I cannot speak of it now."
I told him he didn't have to, and stroked his hair.
Eventually, I made it to my own healer's tent, feeling much, much better. I did not care what anyone thought of where I had been or what I had been doing (or who I had been doing). I may as well have strolled in whistling for the reception I got.
"For the love of Valar, I thought you had fallen in a ditch and died," said Thavron, exasperated. Varin winked at me. "I had to tell King Anarion you were indisposed! Several times!"
"I climbed up Mount Doom, Thav! I have been sleeping," I said, severely but unable to wipe the giddy look from my face.
"We've been sleeping, too," said Varin, wiggling his eyebrow. Thavron exasperatedly hit him in the chest and told me I was on infection duty and walked away. "It seems like everyone else has been… sleeping."
Varin nodded at Astro and Isobel who were operating on a soldier who had shrapnel in his eye.
"I noticed that too," I said, worriedly. I knew that Astro was betrothed. It didn't bode well for my friend - did she know?
"Even Erik gave Rin a kiss," said Varin, walking me over to the makeshift workstation. I stopped digging in a box for what I needed and stared at him.
"I do not believe you!" I said, torn between disbelief and horror.
"Worst thing I saw in Mordor by far," said Monte, shuddering, appearing behind me suddenly. "Puked up again at that."
I snorted a laugh down and Varin nodded at me. I couldn't believe it. Well, I told myself, trauma can make one do funny things.
"Poor Rin," I muttered.
We stayed two weeks at the camp. The severely injured men needed a lot of healing, and they slowly lumbered back to the cities in long lines. The main army of Elves left - some for Greenwood, and others for Lindon, but a core group stayed. Gil-galad was still recovering.
"I am sleeping in Astro's tent," said Isobel, a few days later, as we sat next to each other on a break. We had been carting water back and forth from the river for a few hours and my muscles ached. While the healers from Minas Tirith had been a boon, most of them had retreated with the injured men back to the city. That meant we had the boring and hard jobs again (although Astro had kindly taken on de-lousing the men for what must have been the fourth time).
"I see," I said, gently.
"Do you judge me?" she asked, worriedly. She was twisting her hands.
"No! Never! I am sleeping with an Elf after all. But… your sweetheart? His betrothed?" I asked.
"They are saying that half the men in Gondor have given their lives for this endeavour. I have no hope for his survival, and have not for some time. But you are right, Astro is betrothed. Do not think ill of him, or too ill perhaps, for he did tell me. Oh it's all so confusing! What are you supposed to do and feel after a war?" she cried.
"I don't know," I said, honestly. I felt all the emotions and trusted none of them.
A few days later, Elrond let me visit Gil-galad. His pale face worried me, but his eyes were bright, and as kind and sharp as usual. He was lying on a camp bed, his shirt open and his glorious hair framing his face. He looked like a painting. He held out his hand for me.
"My dear Minnow, for dearest you will always be. Tell me, how many baths does saving the life of the high king of the Elves warrant?" he said, smiling.
I laughed, and told him that Elrond had bathed me himself.
"I wish I had been awake to witness Elrond inform Glorfindel of this kindly deed," Gil-galad said, closing his eyes. "An outraged Glorfindel is quite the sight to behold. I cherish all his most irrational moments, as I'm sure you do."
I smiled at that.
As I looked down at the hand I was holding. It was the same hand that had grabbed my ankle in the pit of the crater and scared me so much.
"If it weren't for your ring, I may have thought it was an orc hand that stretched out to reach for me," I said. His eyes flew open and I suddenly saw a more serious Gil-galad in his expression. He withdrew his hand slowly from mine, and said something softly in Quenya. Elrond rushed in.
They spoke in front of me in Quenya for a few minutes before Elrond turned to me. Was I in trouble, I wondered. What could I have done? But I heard that word again, that Glorfindel had used. And when I thought about it, wasn't it the same thing Erestor had called me?
Idly, I wondered if Minas Tirith had a Quenya dictionary.
"Minnow," said Elrond, gently. "Can you describe Gil-galad's ring?"
I looked between the two of them, curious. And then I looked at his ring, that he was touching with his other hand.
"Thick gold band, blue, oval sapphire… black bits… I do not know anything about gems, I am sorry," I said with a shrug.
"You should not be able to see it at all," said Gil-galad, mildly, as if we were just discussing the weather.
"It's not a magic ring like the one they threw in the mountain, is it?" I asked, dismayed.
"It was not made by Sauron, no," said Elrond, slowly, thinking.
"It is magic, and it is invisible," said Gil-galad. "You are a very curious person, Minnow. Full of surprises."
At length, Elrond decided it was my heritage that allowed me to see an invisible ring, and that this was either an encouraging sign, or just a quirk of my genetics that meant nothing. As usual, he answered none of my questions that he didn't want to.
He wouldn't tell me anymore and shooed me out the tent.
That night, I told Glorfindel about it and he hummed it over. We had not exactly discussed it, but I had not found a tent of my own in the human camp. Glorfindel held me as I went to sleep, but I often thought he left in the middle of the night to take up a watch, and returned as I awoke. He had regained his strength and did not need as much sleep as me. But he liked to watch me fall asleep. He said it was strange, but rather charming, the way humans were so helpless as they slept.
"And I would like to know who my father is," I said, annoyed.
"If he wants to reveal himself, he will."
"Why is it at his discretion? Why won't anyone tell me?"
"His ways are not your ways, and you must allow for differences," Glorfindel told me, which I thought was a bit rich coming from him. But it was good advice, I thought. Perhaps I would be able to find him when I returned to a big city.
He kissed me and told me to sleep.
Another few days after that, we were almost packed up. Our soldiers were deloused (and in some cases, de-wormed), bandaged and ready to go in the wagons and slowly but surely head home.
Erik and Rin had gone ahead (Monte and I could not stop giggling over this), and Thavron was in a great mood for once. Gil-galad was going to travel in one of our wagons as well, as he could not manage a horse or to walk. Elrond did not want him stretching himself.
And I had my horse.
On our last night, Elrond, Erestor, Lindir and Glorfindel and I sat below the stars near the river and passed around a bottle of wine.
"Elves always have wine on their person," said Erestor, with a smile, at my curious look. I rolled my eyes.
"I am going to become a minstrel," said Lindir. "I shall give up the sword, and take up the lute! And my first ballad will be about Minnow saving the life of our king."
"Ballads are for fine people," I told him. "Not healers. And I did not do much. I dragged another king up a volcano and shouted at him a little."
"No more ballads," said Glorfindel. "Not about battles, and foes, and evil."
"Surely if it ends well, with light prevailing, you will permit it, Glorfindel?" asked Elrond, before knocking back what I thought was a sizeable amount of wine. I was rather surprised. It occurred to me that Elves probably don't get hangovers and another flash of annoyance swept through me.
"As you wish, General! I will restrict myself to composing about the subject closest to our hearts, love!" said Lindir.
"No more ballads about doomed lovers either," said Glorfindel. "There's far too many as it is." Doomed lovers or ballads about them, I wondered.
"Does he always boss you about this much?" I asked Lindir. He nodded mock-sadly.
"I do not know many Elvish songs, I think I've mostly heard songs in Quenya but I assumed they're all about trees…" I said, dreamily. The wine was fruity but strong, and even a few sips had made me tipsy.
"Trees?" said Erestor, aghast. "Trees? You think all we sing about is trees?"
"I think you sing about trees, perhaps to trees… perhaps with trees?" I asked, looking at Glorfindel.
"Trees do sing," he confirmed.
"You will have to teach vesseva Quenya, Glorfindel, so she can hear our songs," said Erestor.
Everyone stilled, and I realised that Erestor had not supposed to call me that. It sounded similar - but not the same - to what Glorfindel had called me before.
"I'm sure there are many Quenya songs about the sea as well," I said, lightly, pretending I was not curious about the name he had called me by.
"I will sing one now," said Elrond. His low baritone was soothing and I let it wash over me. I wondered if Elrond was the type to sing often, or we were witnessing a rare occurrence. Elrond, ever the peace-maker, I thought, tilting my head to look up at the stars.
Silently, we walked along the river, back to the Elf camp. I was lost in my thoughts. I wanted to know what it meant so badly, but as Glorfindel had told me a few nights ago, his ways were different from my ways. It might be my way to declare how I feel when I felt it, but it was obviously not his.
However, I thought smiling to myself, I was convinced it meant 'your love'. After all, had he not called me his love when we were reunited?
"I am sorry to cause upset," said Erestor, who had fallen into pace besides me. "I think he will be less stern as we put distance between ourselves and Mordor."
"You have not upset me," I assured him.
"I have upset Glorfindel, but he was already unsettled," said Erestor, worried.
"I know he went to… Barad-dûr. But he does now wish to speak of it," I said, confused. Was what happened in Mordor tied up with my nickname?
"Neither do I," said Erestor, and a shadow crossed his face. "But perhaps you should know. He faced it again, and this time he killed it."
"What?"
"The Lord of the Nazgul," he whispered.
I had no words. I stared at Erestor.
"It spoke to him. Its very words are poison to hear. But it taunted him on a subject close to his heart, and he spoke back. It is unheard of to converse with the Nazgul… it is too painful. Their words make your very ears bleed."
I thought of the blood on Glorfindel's chest and shirt, that I could find no scratch for on his body. I had thought the blood on his hair was his kins'. But it had been his. His blood.
"I should not tell you what he said, for I fear it will only upset you, and Glorfindel will be very angry if I tell you," said Erestor, worriedly.
"Ai," I said, miserably. I knew that they had spoken of me, then. It must be. The Nazgul had probably threatened to torture and kill me. "But he killed it?"
"He did. It was lord of eight more such creatures, but luckily, then Gil-galad and Elendil defeated Sauron, and they were much diminished. They were all dead by the time the volcano erupted."
Oh, Glorfindel, I thought. Always bearing so much. No wonder he was in such a state. I think Erestor for telling me, and walked over to Glorfindel.
"What were you speaking of with Erestor for so long?" He asked, tensely when we were back in his tent. I could tell he thought I had asked Erestor what the phrase in Quenya meant.
"The wellbeing of someone we both love very much," I answered with a smile.
"Indeed?" asked Glorfindel, cocking his eyebrow at me.
"Indeed. Elrond needs someone to take care of him. Who heals the healer?" I said, blithely.
"Ai, Minnow, you always get to the heart of the subject," he said, heavily. I wasn't sure what he meant, and I was too tired, and slightly tipsy to ask.
The next day, the rest of the party left our camp. There was less than a hundred of us, but we would be slow moving due to all our injuries. The hard-bitten soldiers who were protecting us were the grimmest and dirtiest I had ever seen. I was glad: they looked like they could protect us from anything.
I was glad to have a horse to ride on for I was fairly tired, and it would be a two-week journey to Osgiliath.
The Elves moved slowly and gracefully, unlike our exhausted and clumsy gait. I wish we could recover strength like they did. I went to check on their king. He could not be enjoying travelling like this, I thought.
"I like to travel in style," said Gil-galad, wryly, from his wagon, as I greeted him.
"It's a nice wood you're missing," I told him.
"Nice?" muttered Erestor. "You should see a proper forest in our lands."
"I should like to!" I said, with a laugh.
Unfortunately on the road, sharing a bed with Glorfindel would have not been appropriate and Isobel and I found ourselves together again. I did not mind too much, for it gave us time to speak, although I did miss having Glorfindel to myself every night. Erestor was right, there was something the matter with him. There was a steeliness to him that worried me.
"Is it wrong if I do not want to marry him?" Isobel whispered, one night. "For if I marry, I could not be a healer anymore. I had thought I wanted to be a wife one day, but now, I think I could not give up healing."
"He would not make you, would he?"
"Women cannot work as healers after they marry in Minas Tirith. Men can. But women cannot. If they are widowed they can rejoin," Isobel explained. She laughed at my horrified face.
"I do not remember reading that in all those papers I had to sign when I passed my exams!"
"It is not official as such. You are just… frozen out. I don't think it applies in more rural places, like Tolfalas, for the need for healers is great. But certainly in the cities, healing is not the province of wives."
"Perhaps that can be changed," I mused, thinking that I could ask Anarion for help.
"I like Astro," said Isboel. "But I do not want to wash his socks."
I snorted and then we started giggling at the idea. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
A few days later, Astro approached me as I was walking alongside my horse.
"I do not know what to do. I cannot imagine getting married now, after all I have seen, settling into a domestic life. I cannot imagine speaking of what I experienced in Mordor with Aneska. She would not understand," he said.
"Frankly, I barely understand what happened," I said.
"Exactly! But you must be angry with me, to take up with Isobel when I'm betrothed. I'm not fickle, Min, I'm not, I'm just confused," Astro said. He looked so forlorn, that I almost laughed at him.
"I know you will not hurt her," I said.
"Someone always gets hurt," he said, heavily, and strode over to a wagon where a man was tipping over the side. I watched him prop the man back up.
"Why anyone is coming to you for advice is beyond me," said Thavron. I jumped in surprised. I hadn't realised he was behind me.
"I think it's more unburdening themselves rather than looking for advice," I said. "Is my advice so bad?"
"Hmmm, I would rein in your Elf, piglet. I came over here to tell you he threatened to throw one of the injured soldiers into Mount Doom for making an ill-advised comment about you," Thavron told me.
Thavron gave me a leg up into the saddle and I trotted round the cavalcade where I found him. He was glowering into the distance and did not acknowledge me. I reached out to stroke his horse's mane.
"Please do not threaten my patients," I said, lightly.
He turned to glare at me. "And why not?" he snapped.
"Well," I mused. "It will leave me open to criticism."
"And I am supposed to listen to their vulgar remarks on your person? Do I not have any rights or responsibility to defend you?" he hissed at me.
I didn't really know what to say. I was hurt by his tone, but I thought this was about something else.
"I think you're on edge after what happened in Mordor. I am here to talk about it if you would share your concerns," I told him, softly.
I trotted back over to my place in our procession, but not before someone called out to me.
"Oi oi, girlie! Bored of the Elf and looking for a real man? I could show you a few things," called a man with a bandage round his head, as he leered at me from a wagon.
I turned my horse towards him.
"You have offended the Elf's sensibilities and now you have offended mine," I told him. "We risk our lives to save yours, and this is how you repay me? With cheap insinuations?"
The man looked slightly abashed, and the other men in the wagon told him to shut up.
"It was just a joke," he said, weakly.
"The only thing that's a joke is you," said Varin. "If any Elf wants to throw you around, I shall certainly let him."
"Thanks, Varin," I told him, with a smile.
But I was uneasy. Even a man with a head injury had noticed that there was something between Glorfindel and I. That did not bode well, I thought.
We camped for the night, and I went for a walk.
I found Glorfindel sitting on the roots of some ancient tree, staring at his hands. He had removed some of his armour, and his sword was resting next to him. I approached him and he looked up at me.
"I am sorry," he said. I nodded and climbed into his lap, my head resting on his chest. For a while, I just listened to the steady beating of his heart, and the wind rustling through the trees in the forest, and the buzz of the camp. Even when he was humming with sorrow, I found his light and presence deeply comforting. I closed my eyes and took his hand. He curled his fingers around mine.
"Erestor told me a little about what happened. He said the Lord of the Nazgul spoke to you," I prodded.
There was a long pause.
"His words were designed solely to cause harm. This I know, but they were potent," he told me, sadly.
"Do not listen to their lies," I said, my eyes still closed but my hand tightening on his.
"Alas. For it was no lie. The creature said you will leave me in the end," he said, softly.
I felt my face fall and my heart clench tight.
How does you express the pain that flashes through your heart when you realise that your inevitable eventual death will hurt the one you love the most? The horror of something you cannot control, that is central to who you are, that cannot be avoided, that will cause suffering?
"I am here now," I said, kissing his hand. He looked down at me, upset.
"But you will leave," he said.
"I am sorry, but I will be here for many, many years," I said.
"You will leave me sooner than that," he replied.
"I'm not going to die soon!" I cried, horrified, pulling back from him.
"There are more ways to leave me than death," said Glorfindel, heavily. I stood up and looked down at him.
"You do not know the future. I am not in the Song, you said so. Why are you worrying about something that hasn't happened yet?"
"Worry is all that I can do," he said, bitterly.
"You sound like Anarion!" I snapped.
Glorfindel looked as though I had slapped him. I turned and ran back to the camp, ignoring him as he called my name.
There was never anyone who made me as angry as Glorfindel could. I ate my soup in furious silence, and lay on my bedroll, ignoring Isobel's monologue about what to do when she reached Minas Tirith, and Astro's family. I didn't feel like being a good friend, but I made the necessary noises when I could. But my mind was on other things. How dare he throw my mortality in my face like that? It wasn't my fault. And the insinuation that I would leave him before that - I knew that he meant for Anarion. But I had never even thought of Annie like that - and I was so disappointed in him right now. Glorfindel's despair was hugely upsetting to me.
Perhaps the nickname did not mean 'my love' after all. Perhaps it meant 'my doom' or something equally depressing.
I wanted to talk about our future. Eventually he would have to go back with the Elves, and who knew where I should go. I suppose I had hoped he would ask me to join him in Lindon. I wanted to see a forest on their lands, I wanted to meet an elleth, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
I wanted him to tell me he loved me and that it didn't matter that I was mortal, but it clearly did. It clearly mattered a lot.
It is hard to sob silently, but it is possible. I didn't sleep much, but I must have drifted off eventually as I woke up with a start and a pounding headache.
The next morning, Thavron took one look at my face and brought me a cup of tea.
"Would you like to unburden yourself?" he asked, gently. I made a face.
"Could you stand it?" I asked, slightly amused.
"For you, piglet, and only you, I will listen to your 'boy problems', but if anyone asks, I made a scathing noise and made you do some laborious chore," he said with a smile.
I snorted.
"Isobel said you were crying all night," he said, softly. He looked concerned, which was alarming.
"Oh. I was trying to be quiet."
"Isobel has already asked me five times about what she should do about her 'boy problems'," he said.
I asked him what his advice was, and he said that he always has the same advice for everyone. I rolled my eyes.
"He is upset he will outlive me," I said. "And… he did not say it in so many words but he thinks I will leave him for Anarion."
Thavron sighed. "It is a hard thing to watch the one you're in love with die of old age."
While I knew from Varin that Thavron's previous partner had not been Numenorean and had died before him, I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. How was I to ask about something so painful?
"Varin told me," I said, hesitantly.
"I would do it again, if that's you would like to know. It was hard. The grief never leaves you, you just learn to walk alongside it. And I was frightened to fall in love again. To allow myself to hope, to let go, to trust. But Elves are different, they only fall in love once. If he is in love with you, he will not love another. Ever."
"He hasn't said he is," I said, slowly. "Perhaps he is scared to fall in love. It is always implied, but never declared…"
I wondered if falling in love was a choice: I wasn't sure. For me, it had felt like a choice but also something that had happened naturally.
"Anarion means to marry you. He has made his intentions clear to everyone, even if you have ignored them and taken up with an Elf. I'm sure it's partly because of your sparkling charm, don't snort, Minnow, it's unseemly, but he is not stupid. There is no one more capable, and you would make a good queen. With you by his side, guiding him, you would make him a great king."
"Gah," I said, miserably. "What is your advice that you give everyone, then? Surely my situation is rather unique."
"Demand what you want from Glorfindel. Exactly what you want. Let him be in no doubt about your feelings, your needs, and your desires."
"Really?" I asked, surprised. I had thought it would be best to give Glorfindel some time and let things unfold naturally. Make allowances for differences, as he had said.
"Yes. Varin made some very exacting demands of me many years ago, when I was panicking about something stupid. And I'm glad he did. For I gave him everything he needed and now he is very happy. And that has made me happy."
"Varin is very sensible," I said, with a smile. I finished my tea, and felt better. I was in charge of my own life, I told myself. This is my adventure. And the war is over, and the Enemy defeated, so that's one thing to be relieved about. I was a free, independent spirit, and I could do what I wanted. I had no one to answer to!
"You answer to me and you're on infection duty," said Thavron. I realised I had said all the out loud.
"Fine," I said, not unhappily. I spent the next hour in a wagon with injured men, cleaning their wounds, begging them not to pick at them.
"But it's itchy, Mistress Healer!" whined one man. I glared at him.
I straightened up and jumped out the wagon. Isobel was riding my horse and enjoying herself very much so I decided to let her stay there for the time being.
"Come and sit next to me, Minnow," called the Elf king. I swung myself into his wagon.
"Bored?" I asked, with a smile. There were ten other injured men in the wagon alongside him, mostly asleep. The sun was beaming down and the gentle sway of the wagon was enough to rock the tired men into sleep. But Gil-galad, who was lying prone, with Elrond watching him from a horse nearby, was wide awake.
"Not at all," he said. "But I wish to speak to you."
I lay down next to him and looked up at the clouds above. A few birds swept through the sky, and I could their birdsong. The men smelled sweaty and of infection, but there was also the sweet smell of the forest.
"You are very patient," I said, softly in Sindarin.
"I dare not argue with Elrond," he replied, with a smile. "And I confess, I am in a lot of pain. Elrond has not recovered enough to heal me completely. But in a day or so, I will be mobile again."
"I am glad," I said.
"But I wish to speak to you of our other mutual friend. I think he has hugely upset you. I have known Glorfindel a long time. Some jealousy may be good for him. He is too used to being the object of most elleths and their mother's schemes…"
"If only they knew how much of a nightmare he really is," I said. Gil-galad laughed merrily.
"I have been saying the same thing for centuries," he agreed. "It's not the first time an Elf has loved a mortal woman. Aegnor son of Finfarin, a relative of Glorfindel's, loved the mortal woman Andreth," he continued.
"How did that turn out?"
"She died in an attack by Morgoth. But you have the ability to subvert what is expected of you - and others. I have never seen someone bring about such change in all those around them. Thus I expected the unexpected from you, Minnow."
"I don't know what you mean," I said, turning to look at him.
"I believe everything happens for a reason, and your love for Glorfindel is not without purpose. I trust in the Valar. But for now, I would advise much shouting at my foolish friend. Maybe throw some things as well."
I snorted and he smiled at me, his eyes twinkling.
"Say his manners are as unruly as a balrog - Elrond said that once when he was having a tantrum and it shocked him to silence. I have never laughed so much," he reminisced.
I laughed. To have the support of Glorfindel's friend - his closest friend - gave me great comfort. Our conversation turned to more pleasant subjects, and he told me about Lindon in great detail. It was clear he missed it dearly. I longed to go, I realised.
Eventually, the wagon rocked me into sleep and I dozed off. I awoke, groggy, many hours later when the light was fading. We had stopped and were making camp.
Varin gave me a roll to eat and told me there was a river I could wash my face in a few minutes walk south. My face was, he told me, puffy from crying. I rolled my eyes and stomped off.
I had so much to think about. Gil-galad's words were so strange to hear. He was an uncanny Elf, I thought: so strong, and yet gentle - ethereal and mild-mannered.
Glorfindel was also at the stream, filling up his water canteen.
"Minnow," he began, looking contrite.
"You are lucky I put up with your foul moods! If I leave you it will be because of your poor attitude!" I snapped at him, before kneeling down and splashing cold water on my face. It was beyond refreshing. Ever since climbing the volcano, all I had wanted to do was be in cold water. I splashed some down my arms as well.
"Minnow," said Glorfindel, sitting next to me.
"No."
"I would like to apologise for my behaviour towards you."
I stilled, and felt myself softening. Valar above, I was such a pushover when it came to Glorfindel!
"You made me cry," I told him, looking at the river.
"I let the poison into my heart where it festered and I blamed you for it. I cherish every moment spent with you. I will cherish all the moments I have with you," he said, softly.
It took all the strength I had not to burst into tears and throw myself into his arms, but I could not let him off that easy.
"I have demands!" I told him. He raised an eyebrow. "Big demands! And many of them!"
"I am listening," he said and looked at me very seriously.
I didn't know what else to do, so I picked up his canteen and threw it to the other side of the river. It landed on the bank with a thud.
Then I ran back to camp.
Sitting around a campfire, Thavron was telling the healers that we were only a day's journey away from Osgiliath.
"Thank the Valar," said Monte, his mouth full of potatoes. "I want a pie. And a beer. In a tavern that smells of stale ale."
"That sounds good," said Astro, closing his eyes.
"A glass of wine and a decent sleep in a bed for me," said Varin, dreamily.
"I want…" I started to say when I realised that everyone was looking at something above my head. I turned.
Glorfindel was behind me. He was soaking wet, and his hair was dripping. He looked like a drowned cat, and very unhappy.
I struggled not to smile. I was sure everyone else was surprised and confused at his appearance.
"May I speak with you, Minnow?" He asked. I stood up and walked with him out of the camp towards the river.
We walked in silence for a few minutes, then stopped. He looked at me.
"I hate arguing with you. I find it distressing. I am sorry," he said, quietly.
"I am sorry, too," I said.
"Please tell me of your demands," he said. He looked nervous, I thought. I hadn't thought out my demands yet, and wasn't sure what to say. What did I want from him?
"Do not conceal things from me," I said, at last. He nodded.
"I will do my best," he said. That was all I could ask for, I supposed. "May I make a request of you? Would you refrain from throwing my possessions across rivers?"
"I will think about it," I replied, seriously. He smiled at me.
"But you said you had many, big demands of me?"
I turned away, embarrassed and confused. Could I really demand a future with Glorfindel? In truth, I felt a bit lost. The war had come to an end, and I now had to decide what to do with myself. My grandmother would want me to return to Tolfalas. Not that they would be in any great need of midwives any time soon; Denvy was the only one who had survived. His wife Rosa was their healer now. And I didn't want to return.
I wanted to go to Lindon with Glorfindel. But I wanted to be asked.
"I want to know what your plans are!" I cried.
Glorfindel looked confused. "My plans? I must follow my king."
There was a long pause.
"I see," I said, coldly, and turned back, but he followed me.
"What are you not asking me?" he said.
"Nothing! I just want to know what you want!" I snapped at him.
"What I want is impossible," he said, bitterly, making me stop in my tracks.
"We are talking at cross purposes here! Do you want me to come with you to Lindon or not?" I said, my voice wobbling.
"Of course I do! I never want to part from you! Ever!" Glorfindel shouted at me.
"Well, there are no obstacles in our way of my making!"
"Oh?! And what of Anarion, king of Gondor, whose horse you ride even now, whose attentions you have never refused?"
"You… stupid… jealous… Elf… Give me your canteen," I said, lunging for it. "I'm going to throw it where you'll never find it!"
He held it high above his head. "No, I'm not going swimming again, I'm wet enough!"
I grabbed his arm and tried to pull it down, but he grabbed my waist and we ended up wrestling each other.
"Give it to me!" I cried, trying to squirm out of his grasp.
"No!"
"I have said this before, but it bears repeating: you two are as foolish as each other," said Elrond, in his low, melodious voice, interrupting us. "I hope you have forgiven him, Minnow. He has been unbearable."
Glorfindel swore in Quenya, and released me. "So you are less concerned about my wellbeing and more about your own peace and quiet?"
"A happy Glorfindel is the only Glorfindel that is bearable," his friend said, blithely. "As much as I enjoyed the insight into your torrid romance, as usual, you were both being very loud."
"Gil-galad told me to shout at him and throw things," I said, petulant, crossing my arms.
Glorfindel looked astounded at this. "He is lucky he is injured," he muttered.
"I suggest you give her everything she wants, Glorfindel," said Elrond, lightly. "She has the ear of our king."
"Fine, I will," Glorfindel replied, sharply. "What is it that you want?"
"I want to be asked!" I told him.
"Asked what?" he snapped. "Speak plainly!"
Elrond rolled his eyes and spoke in rapid fire Quenya at the blond Elf whose eyebrows raised higher and higher.
"Ai," Glorfindel said, weakly. "I have been waiting for you to tell me your plans. I have been worried as you have not yet said what it is you want to do."
I narrowed my eyes at him. Was it not clear that I wanted to be with him? Did I have to spell it out to him? But, I thought, we were all weary and had been through much darkness. Evil thoughts had preyed on all our minds. The Lord of the Nazgul had put dark thoughts inside his head, and I could not blame him for that. Perhaps he needed to be reassured.
"I don't have any plans," I said, uncertainly. "My plan is you."
"Then you will come with me to Lindon?" he asked, softly.
"Yes. Obviously."
Glorfindel looked relieved and smiled at me.
"Anything other demands, Minnow?" asked Elrond.
I held out my hand for his canteen. Exasperatedly, Glorfindel gave it to me.
I smiled and threw it far away into a tree where it hung by its strap thirty feet above the ground. Glorfindel gave me an incredulous look then turned and walked to the tree, then swung himself up the branches.
"Are you playing fetch with the general of the Elvish army?" asked Elrond, watching Glorfindel climbing the tree.
"I've forgiven him, I just think he should suffer," I answered.
"I knew it would be a wild spirit that matched his own," said Elrond. He winked at me and left us.
That night, I found myself in Glorfindel's tent, in his arms.
"I want to give you an epessë," he said, kissing my neck.
"A nickname?" I asked, my heart beating faster in anticipation. Was he going to tell me what Erestor had called me? The name he had used when we reunited?
"Linyalótë," he said. "It means… water flower. That is how I think of you."
I told him it was lovely. But it wasn't the word I had heard before. My heart sunk a little. Why wouldn't he tell me?
We reached the city soon after. Osgiliath was preparing for a coronation and celebrations when we entered it, weary and dishevelled. Gil-galad managed to ride into the city, which I think had been his aim. There were quite a few people lining the streets to greet the Elvish king, and his herald and his general. Together, they made a very good-looking trio. I watched with amusement at the women and girls (and a lot of men) staring at them with adoration in their eyes.
We were busy looking around the city. Elves, we were used to. Cities, we were not.
"It's no Minas Tirith," sniffed Isobel.
"That's a lot of bunting," said Monte, bewildered.
"I believe the coronation ceremony is in a few days," said Thavron. "No doubt you will be invited to the ball, Min," he told me. He said he wasn't going because he deserved a break.
But I think it may have been because he hated Isildur. I could not blame him.
We split from the Elves, who were directed to their quarters, and took our patients to the halls of healing. But the Osgiliath healers wouldn't let me and Isobel inside.
"It would take them too long to learn our ways," said the head healer to Thavron, blatantly ignoring the two women in the party.
"Rest, Min, you deserve it," said Thavron, gently, before turning back to the healer and snapping at him for his rudeness to me and the Minas Tirith healers.
Isobel followed me to the stables, where a young boy took my horse.
"What do we do now?" she asked me. I shrugged. We wandered through the gardens for a while listlessly, until eventually someone showed us to our quarters. Again, I was close to the royal apartments which made me uneasy.
At least I had a lock on my door.
It was a spacious room, with a large four poster bed with curtains. I drank some water, stripped and tucked myself in the bed.
I was beginning to realise that if a certain glowing blond Elf was not besides me, I was not going to sleep very well. He is doing important things with his king, I told myself, and turned over in bed.
I awoke after lunch and was summoned to a private garden. A servant had left out a plain day dress which I gratefully put on, and I followed the manservant down many stairs until we were outside. There was a patio with a table and two familiar faces.
"Lind!" I cried and embraced her. I curtseyed politely to Tinthel who curtseyed back.
"I am glad you are well, Minnow," said Lind, holding me by the arms and looking at my face intensely. "I have been so worried."
"I am well, and I am glad to be back in Gondor," I said, truthfully. We sat down to a large lunch.
I hadn't seen any cheese or olives in months, or fruit, and I tried not to eat too quickly.
To my surprise, Tinthel and Lind asked me nothing about Isildur and Anarion, although they talked about the brothers incessantly. Their prowess in battle. How they destroyed Sauron's evil weapon in Mount Doom. Their sorrow at losing their father. Their future. How very eligible they were.
Luckily I was not tempted to roll my eyes too hard when there was such delicious bread to be eaten.
Elrond had said I would be sung about in ballads! It didn't take me long to be written out of history, I thought wryly. Perhaps the Elves would remember the part I played.
I found I didn't much care.
After lunch, Lind took me to her quarters to talk to me about the coronation and the ball afterwards.
It was the most important event that had ever happened in Gondor, she told me. Two handsome, eligible kings! It was, she told me, her dream come true.
"I have brought you a gown, since I knew you would not think of it," said Lind.
I felt the dress was a peace offering of sorts. It was a bronze silk. Unfashionable in Gondor, but it would suit my skin colouring.
"Thank you. That was really kind of you for you are right, I have no dress for this occasion," I said, embracing her again. She smiled, pleased.
"It's important that we are there. It is said that at least one of the kings will take a bride soon, for one of them, I don't know which, has requested a ring from his mother's possessions to be brought to Osgilath!"
I didn't take much noticed of what she was saying - I'm sure it was all rumour - but I asked her about how the ceremony would take place. It seemed complicated and formal: two things I didn't much like. The Elves were involved, too.
Isobel and I found Rin, who had also been excluded from the house of healing. She took us to an unofficial healers set-up which catered to the poorer people in this wealthy city. Unlike Minas Tirith, Osgiliath managed to hide its underclass, as Lind would call it. Apparently, they were often told they weren't welcome at the house of healing. And many noblewomen visited this small house of healing because it was run by women and knew more about women's health. There were several midwives in rather shabby, but clean house.
"Men! They think they know everything!" muttered Rin. "It is women who should run things, not them."
I heartily agreed.
I was surprised to see so many women with their children. It had been a long time since I had healed a child, and I set about the task eagerly.
"Who do you think gave her all the supplies that she's unpacking?" whispered Isobel, nodding at Rin who was unloading various dried herbs. I could see she was planning to whip up a lot of remedies. I shrugged, and when she told me, I almost fell over.
"Erik?! No!" Isobel wiggled her eyebrows at me.
Perhaps I had misjudged him, I thought as I set a child's broken arm. Erik was a healer after all, even if he was one overly keen on amputation and not overly pleasant to his fellow healers or acquainted with person hygiene. Rin had always defended him, I thought. Perhaps she saw something there we didn't see.
I longed to ask her, but felt it would be too impertinent. My days began to take on a routine again, my mornings were spent with Lind walking in gardens and drinking tea, and Isobel and I helped the ladies house of healing, as we took to calling it every afternoon, happy and content to be of help.
Glorfindel reappeared a few days later. He turned up in my bedroom, in fact, lying on my bed, reading.
"You are naked," I said, exasperated as I walked in with a pile of boxes. "This is very presumptuous. And I could have been with anyone!"
"I thought it would be a nice surprise for you, Linyalótë, and it also serves as a warning to anyone you bring into your bedchamber that I was here first and I'm not planning on going anywhere."
"And just why would Lind or Isobel need to be warned?" I said. I had just come back from a very necessary shopping excursion. I had no dresses or underthings and I needed more shoes as well. Luckily I had been able to buy on credit because I had not seen hair nor tail of Elwen and had no money. Isobel and I had spent the late afternoon running around the markets, weeping over the delicious aromas of soap and oils.
"Why are you reading a Quenya dictionary? It's very old and missing many pages," said Glorfindel, who had still not looked at me. I put my purchases down on the chair.
"I thought I would give you a nickname as well. I was trying to see if 'naked fool' would roll off the tongue," I said, annoyed. "What am I supposed to do with you?"
Glorfindel grinned and sat up. "I can think of a few things…" he said, pulling me towards him.
I missed lunch. And dinner.
And then it finally took place. The crowning of the two kings was a strange and long ceremony. It was in a mixture of Sindarin, Quenya and Westron, and involved the crowd repeating phrases back to the priest. I didn't follow it at all.
Isildur was handsome and charming, and Anarion was sweet looking, his beard making him look more authoritative. Elwen stood to the side, and looked sorrowful but decisive. I wondered how she was. I had not spoken or even seen any of them the entire time I had been in Osgiliath - Glorfindel said that there were many talks between the new kings and Gil-galad. The two of them together on thrones side by side was a striking image, but one that filled me with foreboding. Neither of them smiled, they looked as grim and severe as Numenoreans often were. I wondered how the people liked them: did they think that they would be good kings? Were they as boy crazy as Lind and Tinthel? Did they feel the disquiet as I did?
Luckily there were no speeches, only a large feast, and then a ball. I was in the party with Lind, Tinthel and her brother, who seemed annoyed at having to escort me too and ignored me. I was glad, I didn't want the burden of making conversation with him.
"This is our moment, Lind. This is our fairytale ball and we will make the most of it," said Tinthel, and then gave me a scathing look. I smiled back.
It was cruel, but I did almost wish Isildur upon her. She and Lind looked amazing, but there were many beautiful ladies in the ballroom. I did wonder if my dress had been chosen to put me in my place: it was a colour I liked and suited, but it was a rather plain dress compared to the elaborate ball gowns the ladies of Osgiliath and Minas Tirith were wearing. I had never seen such beautiful embroidery, such silks and velvets, or anyone wearing jewels on their clothes before!
I felt a little underdressed but I didn't think I would feel comfortable in such an outfit. But I did admire their beauty - and the pageantry of it all. Lind and Tinthel were asked to dance almost immediately, and the prince of Dol Amroth slinked off to drink with his friends.
I was finally free to do as I wanted.
Up on the balcony overlooking the dance floor, I quickly found Elwen, and behind a pillar, we embraced.
"How are you?" I asked. She smiled, wanly. The three siblings were wearing grey silk - half-mourning for their father. It suited her immensely.
"Everyone wishes to admire me and it is tiresome. It is enough that I am so beautiful, now that I am sister to two kings, I am irresistible. And my sorrow has only made me more alluring," she sighed.
I couldn't help it: I burst out laughing.
"What amuses you, Minnow?" she asked, confused.
"I have missed you, Elwen!" And I embraced her again.
She told me about her suitors, who she described as dull and sycophantic, and made me laugh again. She had spent her time at councils with her brothers, discussing the state of Gondor since they had returned. She told me there was much to do.
This made me hopeful. Perhaps they would be better leaders than I had thought.
"I am to go to Arnor with Annie," she told me, looking hopeful. I wasn't sure if I should tell her I was to go to Lindon, although she would know soon enough. "I am not allowed to dance because I am in half-morning, but Annie and Isildur are exempt, although I think it unlikely they will be tempted. There is no man I would care to stand up with, but to dance with an Elf would be something," she said, turning to the dance floor.
To my surprise, Elrond and Erestor were dancing up a storm with the ladies of Osgiliath. I was surprised but it gladdened my heart to see them having fun.
"Their king is not well enough to dance, so there is that comfort," she said.
It was true. Gil-galad was standing ramrod straight and still, smiling at the antics of his friends. It would be hard for anyone to tell that he had been on the brink of death weeks ago - apart from a slight tension in his gaze.
Someone came and whispered in Elwen's ear, and she sighed. "My presence is needed," she told me, and clasped my arm tightly. "I am glad you are well," she said, softly.
I watched her be pulled through the crowd and then leant on the balcony to watch the dancers. It was stunning to see the elaborate dances that I had learned so long ago with Lind on Tolfalas being danced in a palace. At a coronation! And I was an invited guest!
Gil-galad looked up and made eye contact with me, so I walked back down the stairs and through the crowds to find him. A few noblemen would speak to him, but most, I think were mobbing the two kings who I had not seen for hours.
"Minnow, come speak with me," he said. "I hear you are accompanying my headstrong general to Lindon."
Was I supposed to ask his permission to live in his kingdom, I wondered. "If it pleases you, my lord," I said.
"Oh, dearest Minnow, you have saved my life. You do not need to ask permission. Indeed, Glorfindel did not. He was also rather adamant that I stop giving advice to you that might be harmful to his person or his possessions."
I snorted.
"There is something that has been on my mind for some time," I said, hesitantly, watching Erestor twirling a beautiful woman on the dance floor.
Gil-galad raised a delicate eyebrow.
"Although I'm not sure it is yours to ask for, my lord," I said, with a smile.
He looked worried. What did he think I was going to request?
"I would like to do an apprenticeship with Elrond. For I have much left to learn and I know little about how to heal Elves. Do you think he would say yes if I asked?"
Gil-galad smiled. "I believe he would."
I asked him where Glorfindel was and he told me that the Balrog Slayer had tired of being courtly and certain men's company, and was sulking. The dance ended, and the two Elves handed their partners back to their party and joined us.
"Glorfindel detests dances," explained Elrond.
"He hates dancing?" I asked, confused.
"Oh no, just dances. He does not like being accosted by his many admirers," said Erestor.
"He's not that handsome, surely," I said, amused. Gil-galad gave me a pensive look.
"You have never seen Glor surrounded by single ladies," said Elrond, a little sadly. I wondered if he was a little envious.
"I demand a dance," said Erestor to me. I raised my eyebrows at him in surprise and delight.
"There can be no surprise that you are unmarried, 'Stor," said Elrond, languidly. "For your manners are unparalleled when it comes to ladies."
"I demand a dance… please," he said, and put his hands on his hips.
"How could I resist?" I said, laughing and allowed myself to be dragged off to the dance floor.
Elrond claimed my hand next, telling me with a twinkle in his eyes that it was his duty to introduce me to superior dancing.
It was true, I thought, Elrond was a better dancer. When we were able, for we were dancing a long and elaborate dance, I asked him about doing an apprenticeship. He looked more than interested, and we discussed what I particularly wanted to learn. It was probably not what other people were talking about as they danced - poisons, infectious diseases, plagues - but it was far more interesting than anything I had overheard at the ball.
The third person who claimed my hand was Anarion. He appeared out of the crowd and made a beeline for me. I nodded nervously when he stretched out his hand to take mine.
I could not speak to him the whole time we were dancing. At least it was a dance that required little contact, but I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I tried to surreptitiously look around for Glorfindel. I knew he would not be happy about this, but I could hardly say no to the king on his coronation day.
As the dance ended, he kept hold of my hand and steered me out towards the gardens. Everyone was staring at us, and I heard Tinthel gasp as I walked by.
I made a vague comment on the ceremony, but he said nothing. He was pulling me around the back of the palace, not far enough that it was improper by Gondorian standards, but enough for privacy.
It was dark now, but the moonlight was strong. He stopped, and looked at me. Anarion's face was serious. Perhaps this wasn't what I thought it was, I told myself. He looked so severe.
"I wish to speak to you on an important subject," he began, holding my hand and looking at his feet.
"Oh please don't!" I cried, but he wasn't listening to me.
"Minnow, you must allow me to tell you how I feel," continued Anarion. I started to panic and pull my hand out from his. "I have paid no heed to Isildur on the subject-"
There was a strange noise, and a loud cry near us, and Anarion whipped his head around, swearing. I managed to pull my hand out of his, and he walked towards the noise.
He had been obscured by a large ornamental hedge, but now I could see that Isildur was standing some feet away from us in the garden, and a lady was on the ground in front of him.
She was holding her face and sobbing.
Isildur had struck her, I realised in horror. It must have been hard, for her cheek was bleeding. She was also in a state of undress.
Anarion rushed to Isildur and dragged him further around the back of the palace, whispering furiously in Quenya. I pulled the girl up and tried to do up her laces on her dress, but a crowd had already spilled out the ballroom and into the garden. A woman screeched and ran towards the girl who was still sobbing and dragged her away.
Someone ushered the crowd back into the ballroom and I joined the mob. Lind was standing at the side of the room, drinking a glass of water, her cheeks rosey. It was hot in here, despite the open doors and the cool breeze. I looked around for Glorfindel but I still couldn't see him.
"Did everyone see that?" I whispered.
"You and Anarion or Isilur and that hussy?" she said, not looking at me.
"Well I guess that's my question answered."
"You could have told me you've hooked the king!" she hissed.
"I have not hooked him," I said, softly. Lind stared at me.
"I know why you went into the garden with him," she told me. I started. How could she know that he was going to propose? I hadn't guessed!
I looked around at the ballroom. The dance floor was full, and no one seemed to have minded the interlude that much. Tinthel joined us, looking pensive.
"Lady Damerel. A minor nobleman's daughter in Osgiliath. Beautiful but not rich and of little consequence. She told him that she was sorry for the loss of his father, and he hit her," she told us. I had no idea how she had found out, and doubted the veracity of any gossip spread in this city.
"She was foolish enough to talk to him on subjects that would not upset him. Gentlemen set the conversation. Every lady knows that. She brought it on herself," Lind said, disapprovingly. How could my friend be so unforgiving, I wondered.
"Lind, you do not believe that."
"I would not anger him," said Lind, derisively.
I gawked at her. "You have seen but a taste of what he is capable of," I whispered.
"He deserves and will get a lady who knows not to upset him," said Lind. I stared at her.
"And you are a dark horse," said Tinthel, angrily. "Anarion danced with you, and took you into the gardens. You have not spoken of any intimate acquaintance with him. Deceitful girl. I wonder that your dress and hair is so tidy with what shameful activities you have been doing. I know all about your lowborn beginnings, Minnow. You are no lady."
I stared at her and at Lind. Both their faces were set. They both thought that I had entered into the garden for an assignation and they scorned me for it, but they would not condemn Isildur for striking a woman.
I turned and sprinted back to my room, running through the long corridors at night, scared. Anarion had not meant it to look like that, I was sure - if I had been inclined to accept him and returned from the garden betrothed, then there would be no shame in it. And if he had finished the proposal and I had rejected him, and Isildur had not interrupted, perhaps no one would have remembered me leaving the ballroom with him.
I didn't see anyone on the way back, and locked my door as soon as I entered it.
Glorfindel was on the bed, reading.
"How long have you been here?" I asked, upset. He looked up, concerned, and hopped off the bed towards me.
I burst into tears and told him everything.
"Ai," he said, grimly. "And will you say?"
"To Lind? I do not know." I felt miserable. Our friendship could not survive this. She had clearly told Tinthel about my mother, and how she was not married to whoever my father was. It felt like a huge betrayal.
"To Anarion," he snapped.
"Are you mad?" I asked.
"Minnow, you left the ballroom and entered a dark garden with him at night."
"He wouldn't let me go!" I snapped.
"And yet you did not say no!" said Glorfindel, annoyed.
"He is my king, I cannot stomp on his toes and ask him to unhand me. There is some etiquette even I cannot escape!"
Glorfindel stood up and went to the window. "He is a king, and he is also Gondorian. Your sons would be king. And in some ways you are well suited," he said, slowly.
I threw a pillow at him. "I would like to get as far away from Gondor and Anarion and Isildur as possible," I told him. "I am starting an apprenticeship with Elrond. He has agreed."
Glorfindel turned at that, looking slightly mollified. "Indeed? Another male you admire."
I took off my shoes and retorted that while I admired Elrond, I could not say the same for the kings of Gondor.
"Glor, I hate it here," I said, emphatically. His eyes softened. "I have lost a friend, these Gondorian cities have changed her so much. I want to see your home. Stop being jealous."
"I am sorry for Lind's behaviour. You must be hurt by it," he said, softly, looking at me.
"I am, and Anarion has left me open to conjecture which I am not pleased about." I paused. "And I should be jealous, I hear if you deign to go to a ball, you are mobbed by ladies."
Glorfindel threw himself back on the bed, folded his arms and looked cross. "That is not why I did not want to go to the ball. I am heartily sick of Isildur after our many meetings with him. He is being arrogant, unwieldy, and rude and Anarion is not strong enough to counter him. I like your Elwen, but she is not able to assert much influence. I could not bear to look at any of them another minute! I am in awe of Gil-galad and Elrond forbearance. I was tempted to slap them."
"I should have liked to dance with you," I said, softly. "I wish you had told me that you weren't coming. I looked for you."
"Ai, Minnow. I am sorry. I had not planned it. I promise I will dance with you and only at the next ball." he said, gruffly. I rolled my eyes. His friends were right: he had been sulking.
"Am I allowed to dance with other people? Because Elrond is a most superior dancer and Erestor is quite fun, and when Gil-galad feels better I should like to dance with him. Indeed, your friends are far better company than you have ever been…"
Glorfindel pulled me onto bed and curled around me. "I am so jealous of Anarion I find it hard to look at him," he whispered to me. "I hate that I am jealous, but I cannot deny it."
"Laurefindelë," I said, my heart sinking. "There is no need for jealousy. Do you doubt my love?"
He shook his head.
"It's your bed I share, you I want to follow to Lindon, you who I wanted to dance with tonight."
"And yet he is so sure of you accepting his suit, even though he knows we are lovers," said Glorfindel.
"Well, he's a man and a royal. They do not think to anticipate rejection because they have never felt it before."
Glorfindel reached over and pulled at his favourite curl. "Is that so? I want you to tell him in no uncertain terms you will never accept him."
I looked at him aghast.
"You hesitate," he accused.
"I am afraid of confrontation. I would rather avoid the subject. I would rather avoid him. I do not want to hurt him and I think he will forget about this soon."
"He will not. And you cannot avoid him. We are to join his company as he makes for Arnor. It is close to Lindon and it is safer to travel together."
"Gah," I said, burying my head in his shoulder.
"This is my big demand, Minnow," he said, and when I pulled back and looked at him, his face was serious, and a little afraid, I thought. I didn't understand this jealousy. I had told him I was in love with him - and he had still not answered in turn - so how could he doubt me? He thought there was a chance that I would accept Annie - but he knew I wanted to be a healer, not a queen. Our friendship - like so many of mine - had fractured. I was disappointed in Anarion and dismayed by his feelings for me. Yes, we were both mortal, and Gondorians, and had much in common in some ways - at least we had always got on well. But my heart had always been Glorfindel's. Surely that was obvious? But even handsome glowing Elves who are mobbed by ladies need reassurance sometimes, I thought.
"Then I will do it, Glor. The next time I see him," I promised.
"Thank you, Linyalótë," he said, and buried his head between my breasts which made me laugh. Exhausted, I fell asleep with Glorfindel lying on top of me, and I felt, despite it all, that I was happier than I deserved with this strange and mercurial Elf.
Thank you, dearest reader, for bearing with me and my erratic updates. If you like my story, please review - I get so many hits, but not very many reviews, and I'd love to know what you think. All comments, notes, criticism and whimsical thoughts are appreciated! Especially when I'm tired and writing the next chapter late at night! Thank you :)