𝖒𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖘 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖑𝖊𝖗

A man does not recover from such devotion of the heart to such a woman! He ought not; he does not.

— Jane Austen, Persuasion

It had been the ugliest thing he had ever said - he'd hurt his own fea by saying it - and he couldn't imagine how Minnow had felt. But she would forgive him. He had not meant it: that he wished he had never met her. It wasn't how he felt, not at all. But the moments of bliss, or even the moments of contentment felt far away now. All he felt was fear, and anger, and he had taken it out on her - the one who was suffering the most.

In his heart, Glorfindel began to think that he was not a good husband. And that Minnow would be better off without him.

No, he told himself. Anarion was weak, and would only use Minnow: hadn't he relied on her strength the very first time she had met him? She - a young, small healer - had pulled out the soldier from a pit of dead bodies, and through a sea of mud, breaking her own ribs to save him, when the Numenorean was much stronger than her - and trained in these scenarios. Thinking of how much he despised Anarion - even Elrond had little good to say about him - always cheered Glorfindel up.

Another treacherous voice told him that if he was comparing himself to Anarion then he really must be a poor husband.

He tried to concentrate on the situation in front of him. Gil-galad's court was being treated to a speech from one of the high lords of Men of Lindon. A slippery creature, Glorfindel distrusted him, and he had his hand on his sword pommel. The elderly man was shouting about how women were to be kept safe if Elvish lords wanted to have their wicked ways with them, to a stone-faced Elvish audience. Glorfindel's jaw was clenched and it took every inch of his strength to keep his composure.

He chanced a look at Galadriel, who was smiling serenely at him. He could feel only horror towards her. As he turned his concentration back to the lord's insane and highly insulting speech, he realised his sister was slowly making her way through the men and Elves in the chamber.

As their attention was firmly on the angry lord shouting his increasingly incredulous opinions, he moved surreptitiously to the back wall to meet her. She looked distressed, and pressed a letter into his hands and bade him read it.

If anyone had turned their attention away from the irate shouting, they would have seen the mighty warrior's hands shaking as he opened his letter.

Ai, he thought. So this is how it ends. Finda was saying his name and he looked up.

"Minnow has run away," she said, urgently in Quenya. "Laure, do you understand? Can you hear me? Minnow has run away. She has left Lindon - sometime in the night. "

He did understand.

"Grab him," shouted Elrond, who was suddenly beside Glorfindel, and half-carried him to Gil-galad's office. He was barely aware the high-king was shouting for a break, as Elrond and Erestor made him sit in a chair. Finda tried to press some water on him, but he couldn't drink.

This is all my fault, he thought. Entirely my fault.

Elrond took the letter from his hand and read it, his face solemn. He sighed deeply and handed it to Erestor, who skimmed it with alarm.

"Why do we tarry! We must go and find her!" shouted Erestor in Sindarin, panicking. "Glorfindel, be yourself! There are orcs out there! She is entirely defenceless!"

"She is under the protection of Ulmo, although she does not realise it. It's unlikely that she will come to any harm," said Glorfindel, tonelessly. "But if I could ask you for a favour, Erestor, you will follow her and make sure she arrives at her destination. Take provisions."

"Her destination? It doesn't say in her letter…" said Erestor.

"It must be Arnor," Glorfindel answered, wearily. Erestor looked at Elrond in confusion, but nodded and said he would do so immediately.

As soon as he left the room, Gil-galad entered it. Elrond passed him the letter and he read it with alarm.

"I can hardly believe it. What attempts are being made to recover her?" he asked. "Has Erestor gone to find her?"

"She has made her decision," Glorfindel said. Gil-galad stared at him.

"And you just accept that? After all we have gone through to keep her here and keep her safe?" snapped Gil-galad.

"And what of all she has gone through?!" snapped Glorfindel. "Not allowed to join Lindon society! A baying mob with torches reading to burn her alive! Endless comments and rejections - and house arrest!"

"Having a mortal lover in a war can be explained or overlooked - but in peace time it is complicated!" Gil-galad returned.

"Galadriel has made sure of that," Glorfindel said heavily.

"Go and bring her home," pleased Gil-galad.

"This has never been her home. And yet she has not left Lindon, she has left me . She has left me because I have not supported her as I should. I said some unforgivable things."

"Yet her letter was kind," interjected Elrond. "And full of her love for you."

"I told her that I wished I had never met her."

"Ai!" cried Gil-galad, shocked.

"Oh, Glor," said Elrond, disappointed.

"I will make sure that she has everything she needs and leave her to live her own life. I owe her that - and more," he said, wearily getting up.

"Then I relieve you of your military duties," Gil-galad said. If he expected Glorfindel to argue, then he was mistaken for the Elf simply nodded. "The blame does not rely entirely with you," continued Gil-galad, sadly. "I think all of Lindon has failed her."

Finda and Elrond accompanied a silent and shaky Glorfindel to his house, where he fell into his mother's arms, and he started crying. He cried for all that he had lost, and for all Minnow had suffered, and then exhausted, fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

Glorfindel had not slept for so long since he was a child, but he felt a deep tiredness that went beyond his body. Elrond visited every day, but apart from that, he could not bring himself to get out of bed. Once he managed to drag himself to the lake, and floated in the water for a while. Ulmo did not appear. Perhaps he should not be surprised; he had urged the Vala to make himself known to Minnow, and he had refused time and time again. They had quarrelled, badly.

It seemed Glorfindel could do no right, and everyone was upset with him. On the banks of the lake, he cried, feeling more alone than ever.

"When I lost your father, I was bereft, but I had you and Finda to look after," Findis told him. "You must lean on your friends."

"And your sister," said Finda. "Who insists that you eat - if only a little. For me."

And so Glorfindel took a bite, but otherwise, struggled to eat. His mother and sister kept a close watch over him, but all he wanted was news of Minnow.

After two weeks, Erestor returned looking worried. "I looked everywhere for her but I could not even find her destination. The tracks were erratic: she retraced her steps many times. I went to Arnor, and made quiet enquiries, but she is not expected there. I have every Elf - including the Teleri - on the lookout for her. As soon as they spot her, they will let us know."

"Thank you," said Glorfindel.

"My heart tells me that she is alive and well," said Elrond.

"It is to be a cold winter outside Lindon," said Finda.

"Minnow is less affected by the cold than other humans," replied Elrond.

"What should I do now?" asked Erestor.

Glorfindel told him that there was nothing else to do. Minnow did not want to be found. The half-Elf looked as though he wanted to say something, but nodded, and after a quick discussion with Elrond at the door, left to see Gil-galad.

"Tell Erestor that I will not fade," Glorfindel asked Elrond.

"Your friends are allowed to be worried about you," Elrond said, gently.

"I do not deserve such concern," he said.

"That is not for you to decide," said Elrond. He paused and looked thoughtful. "You are losing the glow of the Telperion and Laurelin. The light of the Illuvatar burst from you when you were in Gil-galad's chamber. Do you understand?"

"More than you."

"We have legitimate concerns…" began Elrond.

"I will not fade. I cannot. When I was returned from Mandos' Hall, much was spoken of - and much was agreed to. The light of Valinor has left me because I am heartbroken and… full of guilt for what I did to Minnow. The one I loved above all others. I do not deserve the light of Valinor. Perhaps it is not gone, but it is unsteady now. But in regards to fading… I have died once, and I cannot die again."

"I see," said Elrond. "Then perhaps we should focus on getting you to live again."

Glorfindel turned his red-rimmed eyes to his friend. "I will try," he said, softly.

But he didn't really want to. He knew he had fallen into a deep depression, which was rare among Elves but not unheard of. It had been but a month since she left, and it had gone painfully slowly. If he stopped wallowing, thinking of what he had lost, then it would be admitting she had really gone. He still found her strands of hair in his bed. Her handwriting was on scraps of paper. He could still smell her.

It was not something he could move on from, he thought.

And yet, time did pass. Elrond was amazed at the Athelas paste, and resolved to give it to the human soldiers for experimentation. Gil-galad came to give him updates on the orc movements around Lindon - thankfully fewer and fewer. Erestor babbled nonsense, and looked increasingly unhappy. Finda took him for long walks around the lake, and they sometimes spoke of their father. Findis led him through meditations.

Glorfindel felt less unsteady. The heartache was now something he could bear. He forbade himself from thinking of Minnow and Anarion - white hot jealously seethed through him - and simply remembered her smiling up at him, or walking round the lake, or even in the forge-city, using her knowledge to save a dying people could make him burst into tears.

To his friends' surprise, he said he would come to the celebration for the end of the year. It was a spiritual time, as well as a big party. He wanted to be among his people again - he was sick of himself and his own thoughts - and wanted to talk about something other than his own failures as a husband. He wanted a distraction. And Elves dancing, singing, and laughing in a forest would certainly be a distraction.

Erestor was besides himself with excitement, chatting away about the beauty of the stars, how he loved parties because that was when he found out that Gil-galad loved him (Glorfindel's stomach dropped, thinking of Minnow's part in that), and how the wine was from a particularly good year and Thranduil had sent it to Lindon with compliments - for he had just had a son! Imagine - the first Elfling in centuries!

Erestor poured them both goblets of wine, but was soon dragged into the dancing circle by his friends. Glorfindel was content to watch them and drink wine. It reminded him a little of Valinor - and while sometimes he thought it was foolish to have left such peace, he did enjoy the chaos of Middle Earth - the beauty more poignant for being short-lived and existing so close to darkness of the world.

Elrond was standing on the other side of the dance, looking pensively at someone. He didn't need three guesses to figure out who it was. Glorfindel wanted to sigh. Even after five hundred years, he was still pining for Celebrian.

He realised, to his annoyance, someone was walking over to him. He didn't really want to talk to anyone yet, and had been content to people-watch. But here she was. Galadriel gave him a long look, and smiled.

"Get out of my head," he said, in a low voice. He could force her out if he wanted to, but preferred that she left of her own volition. Galadriel's arrogance knew no bounds - always was she trying to get into his mind.

"If that is what you wish," she said blithely.

"Indeed."

There was a long pause in which Glorfindel hoped she'd take the hint and leave.

"I think you begin to realise Ulmo's daughter is better off with her own people. She had more sense than you. In time, you will understand. Does not Celebrian look even more beautiful than usual?"

Glorfindel followed her gaze to her daughter, who was looking resplendent in silver. She looked at him with such an expression of hope.

Something inside Glorfindel snapped.

"I would rather DIE than marry your daughter!" he roared, and the light of the Illuvatar burst out of him with such force that it blinded those around him. Threatened, Galadriel's power surrounded her in turn, her light a darker colour, and for a moment, Glorfindel thought that she would strike him. He feared another kinslaying, but he didn't move.

Galadriel had pulled a knife and laid it against her cousin's neck. "How dare you," she began, but her husband put a hand on her shoulder. She swung round, her knife now pressed into his side.

"I am not scared of you, Nerwen," said Celeborn, calmly. Something passed between them, and Galadriel became herself again. She dropped her knife, and without looking at anyone, marched out the wood.

Glorfindel felt a trickle of blood on his neck. It was the first time he had been injured since Minnow had pulled out metal from his side, all those years ago. When he first met her. He started to laugh, hysterically, but Celeborn just pulled him into an embrace and stroked his hair until he calmed down.

Glorfindel decided that seeing his people was overrated, and vowed not to leave the house until he was ready to resume his military duties. A week later, Gil-galad came to tell him that Galadriel had returned to Lothlorien, but Celeborn and Celebrian remained in Lindon.

"I worry for Elrond," Glorfindel admitted.

"Celeborn has… broken with Galadriel. He says it will not be forever, but… she drew blood."

Glorfindel sighed. "There is something the matter with her. Minnow tells me she worries for her daughter's safety."

"Anger. Arrogance. Entitlement. Her wisdom is narrow, and she needs Celeborn to temper her."

"I am not for vengeance, Gil-galad," said Glorfindel, noting the relief on his face. "But she will not be admitted to Valinor for a long time because of this. You know this."

Gil-galad sighed.

It was not long after that Glorfindel caught sight of his reflection in one of his mother's mirrors and decided it looked all wrong. He drew a dagger and started cutting his long locks. It was Elrond who found him, blond hair sticking up in all different directions, all over his tunic, and surrounding him. He sighed.

"Let me help you," said Elrond. He made him sit down, found some scissors and cut his hair short - and made it even. Glorfindel ran his hand over his head. "You're lucky you have a good shaped head. I have known many humans who have lost their hair through illness and it has revealed a head like a potato."

Glorfindel smiled. "I have never heard you speak of your patients in such a disrespectful manner."

"I never said they were my patients…" replied Elrond, with a smile. "With no hair, you look gaunt."

"I eat when I can," said Glorfindel. "I am better, Elrond. Truly. I am no longer weeping, for which we must all be grateful," he said, with a wan smile.

"Not all tears are evil," said Elrond, sadly.

Erestor burst into tears when he saw Glorfindel's newly shorn hair and threw himself at his friend. Glorfindel only felt the burden of comforting his emotional friend, but luckily Elrond took over his duties. For an hour or two, they were all able to speak normally, avoiding the subjects of Minnow and Celebrian. Glorfindel noted that Erestor seemed reluctant to speak of Gil-galad and felt a warning in his heart. Was something amiss between them?

"Celebrian and Celeborn approach," warned Erestor, suddenly, who was by a window.

Glorfindel wearily stood up and left his rooms to receive them. There was no one he wanted to welcome to his house less than Galadriel's daughter. But if Celeborn accompanied her, then perhaps it would not be too bad. Elrond came with him, but Erestor disappeared with Finda and Findis.

He wished he could do the same.

As he stood outside his house, the two horses slowly walked up the road to meet him. They both gracefully jumped off their light brown horses, and he was struck by the resemblance between the two of them. Elrond took the reins of both horses, and led them to the stables, while Glorfindel ushered them into his sitting room, mechanically going through the etiquette of polite conversation. He was conscious of Celebrian's large eyes staring at him; at least Celeborn was acting like his appearance was normal. Glorfindel didn't feel like explaining.

Elrond rejoined them, and they all sat down and Celeborn looked meaningful at his daughter. She took a deep breath.

"My visit is long overdue, and I have come to apologise," said Celebrian, her voice shaking. "I have said some things I am ashamed of…"

"Lady Celebrian," started Elrond.

But she interrupted him. "Let me finish, please! I am so ashamed. I must confess. I said many cruel things to Minnow… I said I would wait until she perished of old age. That she was insignificant. I told her to give you up … that she was not worth being friends with. And that's not what my father believes. He told me to befriend her, that I had much to learn from her… and I did not. I spent time with her, but not in good faith. She gave me wise counsel and I repaid it with taunts about her mortality."

"You said all this to my wife ?" asked Glorfindel, aghast. He wanted to throw up.

"I understand now. I know that you and Minnow love each other. I could not accept it. And I now know that my feelings for you were… a pale imitation of the real thing," she said, a tear falling down her beautiful cheek.

Glorfindel was disgusted by her, and felt mightily sorry for Elrond. He stood up, and looked out the window to his lake. How her words must have hurt Minnow - and how Minnow had born them! For him! And how he had failed her.

It took a second to realise that Celeborn was speaking.

"I have lax in my duties as a father. Minnow told me that my daughter was entitled and spoiled, and to my great shame, I laughed and said she had every right to be so. Foolish and naive I have been. I thought that my daughter was spoiled - but kind and gracious - and could not do harm to another," said Celeborn.

"You are not to blame for my callous behaviour," said Celebrian in a tense voice. "I never thought… she would ride out into the wilds! That a group of men would bring torches to your house! That you would - that you would cut your hair and lose your light," she finished. She stared down at her hands on her lap.

"In short, you did not believe that Glorfindel and Minnow truly loved each other," said Elrond, with a strange look on his face. Celebrian looked up at him then down at her lap again, and shook her head.

"I'm afraid Galadriel has used her influence to whisper in many ears of the treachery of Elvish and human marriages, of which she disapproves. I am sorry for it, and did not think she would go so far. I heard only whispers of her dealings in Lothlorien. I have been a poor friend to you - and a poor husband, and a poor father. But I will fix what I can," he vowed.

"I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused," said Celebrian.

Glorfindel looked up at her balefully. "Minnow would forgive you - indeed, she held no ill will towards you. I will need time, however."

Celeborn nodded, and they soon left. Glorfindel felt exhausted, and had much to think about. He turned to look at his friend, who was wringing his hands in a state of agitation.

"Elrond-"

"Yes! I know I am a fool. I know I have only misled myself," he said, much altered. "To have said such things to Minnow… what a cruel heart!"

Glorfindel found himself in the extraordinary and unwanted position of defending Celebrian. "And yet, she has apologised. She feels regret."

"Now that there are consequences to her actions!" Elrond sat down and put his head between his knees. Glorfindel sat next to him and rubbed his back. "Who have I loved for so many years? A ghost, a shadow, a figment of my imagination!"

"Or perhaps Celebrian as she should have been. If she had been influenced better."

"Yet, she is a stranger to me. Oh Glor, what a mess!"

What a mess, indeed, thought Glorfindel.

After a year, Glorfindel thought he should end his mourning period. He cleaned his sword and armour, and let Gil-galad know he would resume his duties.

"Are you sure you're well enough for this? As your healer, I do not recommend it," said Elrond, surveying his friend. Glorfindel knew he was not a pretty sight. His cheeks were gaunt, and there were dark shadows under his eyes. Elvish hair was always slow to grow and was only a few centimetres long. He still looked ill.

"Ulmo is looking after her. That is my one consolation," said Glorfindel. "I am not happy. I will never be content. But it is my purpose to fight the evil that plagues Arda and I will do my duty."

"As you wish. I am decided to go to my valley and leave Lindon. I cannot stay here," said Elrond. Glorfindel would miss him dearly, but this was a good choice for the half-Elf he thought. He needed something that was his own.

Glorfindel hugged him. "I owe you - I leant heavily on you this last year."

Elrond smiled. "Perhaps you will help me cut my hair too? Not as short as yours - but to signify a change."

Glorfindel nodded and found a paid of scissors.

Thank you for all your amazing reviews! Let me know what you think of this chapter. Next chapter is the reunion between them all.