Chapter 43

I stand in my inner world looking at The Tree. Except, it isn't really The Tree anymore. You can't do as much work on your own mind without learning how to feel things out. I can almost see them. The links that is. The ones running under the surface. I suppose you could call them part of my subconscious. The links from here to my past all pass through the flute memories. Don't mistake me, the overt links, the brambles, they go all over the place. But the roots, the places where this memory came from, and where it links back to. They're almost a direct line through the entire bullying campaign. Thick and gnarly.

Carefully, I crouch down and brush against the exposed leaves that have come back during our explorations. As this memory is too big not to have already started coming back. One good thing about all of this work is that I can now look at parts of a memory, not just the entire thing. I guess it makes sense, as my life wasn't made up of discrete parts. This is just how I categorized them.

I wince as I hear the laughter of the crowd while the door closes behind me, and back out of that leaf before memory me finishes processing what happened.

Another leaf has me banging on the inside of the locker. I know that one's from making the sphere.

Pulling my hand back, I look at the plant carefully. Right at the very top there's a tiny leaf that's barely there. Carefully, I reach over and touch the leaf.

Tears come to my eyes and I remember being barely conscious as the walls to the locker fall away in my desperation to be anywhere else. There's a momentary flash of something incomprehensibly large, and then it's gone and I fall into the canyon and stagger forward into the darkness. I drink in all the details as my memory self wavers in and out of consciousness as the pain in her magic briefly overrides her ability to think and reason.

As the memory ends, I sink back on my haunches and look at the branch that used to be that tiny memory. Knowing what I do now, I should be dead. In fact I would have died if I'd fallen unconscious even a minute earlier than I did, or if I took even a couple of seconds longer to reach the shore. My burgeoning magic would have found any hole in my magical body. Then it would have ruptured, taking my physical body, as it expanded faster than either could cope with.

"Selene, goddess of the moon."

As Selene appears, she takes one look at my face and immediately crouches down and puts her arm around me. "Are you ok? You took a long time calling me?"

I nod and point to the branch with the leaves at its base, "I wanted to try something."

Selene reaches out, and pauses in her customary manner, "May I?"

I nod, "The beginning isn't pleasant. I think I passed out at least once, as… You'll see when you look."

Once Selene withdraws her hand, she looks at me with a sad smile, "Tyche certainly smiled on you during that moment. You should have died."

I nod, "I know. I. I want to take that branch and plant it as its own memory. I want to do the same with one of the leaves at the bottom."

"Why?"

I take a deep breath, "I feel like they are the important parts of the memory. If I could I'd just get rid of the bit in the middle. But I know I can't do that without causing a lot more damage that we'd have to, that I'd have to repair again. Instead, I want to separate those out and stop there."

"Why?"

I pause to choose my words carefully, "Because, the other memories. The ones we haven't touched yet. There might be a few bad ones in there, but they're not life shaping memories like the flute was, and they're not life changing like this one is. I was a paranoid mess when I came out of the locker, and I know I've still got some of that after seeing how the staff at Winslow just ignored me."

I take a couple more deep breaths, before I carry on, "Knowing what I know now. After we viewed the flute memory, I think I know something about one of my bullies. I'm afraid that if we examine the locker memory with as much detail as we have my other bad memories. Or even the other school memories for that matter. I'm afraid that if we do that, I…"

Selene takes my hands, "Berenike, what do you think you know?"

I take a deep breath, "I think that Shadow Stalker has the same voice as Sophia. She certainly talks about me often enough. I think that Shadow Stalker can pass through physical objects and place or remove items. I think that Shadow Stalker joined the Wards late last year. I think that Emma knows who Shadow Stalker is."

Selene looks at me sympathetically, "What do you want to do about it?"

"Part of me wants to write the whole organization off, the PRT I mean. Rationally, I know that it's massively unfair to the people I've met there. Lieutenant O'Donnall, the receptionists, most of the troopers, Miss Militia and Armsmaster, the chef." My voice shakes as I continue, "I'm afraid that if I go through the rest of those memories now, that I'll throw all of that aside and…"

"Berenike, you are beyond mortal authority. That's why your character is so important. Was there anything else?"

I nod and point over to the flute memory, "I think the flute was the pillar memory, not the locker. I brought it into school because it meant so much to me, and I needed that reassurance about my life. It's just that the associations with the locker are so strong that I couldn't help but take out the pillar with the trauma. I don't want the locker to define my future, I want that one good thing that came out of the locker to do it."

Selene stands up and walks over to look at the flute memory for a few minutes. Eventually she turns around. "Ok, just remember this warning. Do not split your memories up too much, otherwise they will become part of the unidentifiable background like the grass. Phobus and Deimus liked to do that to mortals, so much so that they became associated with panic and fear. And never, ever, try to hide or rip out your promises. Your magic will still bind you to them, even if you no longer remember what you promised."

I swallow hard, as that sounds terrifying, "I won't, it hadn't even occurred to me to try."

Selene nods, "I have seen mortals do it with memories they wish to forget. I've also seen mortals hide memories and promises from other people. It never ends well for the victim, even when it's self inflicted. If we are not restoring more of your memories, we should return home."

I nod, "It was nice thinking of dad's house as home for a while. But there really are too many dark memories there for it to be my home anymore."

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When we arrive back home I'm almost immediately bowled over by Victoria as she leaps into a hug.

Laughing, I say, "I take it you missed me."

Victoria nods, "You were only back for a week and then you weren't you. So you've been gone for ages."

"Were you good for Big Sarah?"

Victoria nods, "I've been helping with the cooking and the planting. And I didn't eat all of the carrots. I saved you one."

Sarah says, "She did. Sorry, I tried to keep her away from them, but she spotted me taking some out while I was cooking."

Selene sighs, "Did you at least keep the tops?"

Victoria teleports to hide behind Sarah as she says, "I'm sorry, I ate them. They were yummy."

Selene hums, "They were, were they? Then you can help me harvest the seeds from the last crop. After all, we will need double the seeds if we want to keep growing them for hungry girls."

Victoria sags, "But that's boring."

Selene nods, "Many important things are boring. It is why we do them as a group and tell stories. Now that your momma is feeling better, maybe we should all start preparing flax while she tells us of the fight that lead to you arriving here."

I can't help laughing at Victoria's face, as she's torn between wanting to hear the story, and her hatred of pulling plant fibers apart. "Maybe Selene can teach us all how to dye clothes too. But to do that, we need to weave cloth, and we need to make thread from flax to do that."

Victoria's eyes wide, "Can I have carrot colored clothes?"

Selene laughs, "I'm sure we can do that. But we will need a lot of carrots. But I hear you've also been coloring in your book."

Victoria nods and teleports off for a few seconds before teleporting back with her coloring book. "Look, I colored in Vista, Gallant, Cockblocker, Kid Win, and I'm halfway through Triumph. Coloring inside the lines like momma did for Shadow Stalker is hard though."

Selene nods seriously, "We never had coloring books when I was last in the mortal world. Maybe you can teach me how to do it one day."

Victoria beams at Selene, "There's a picture of Vista looking out over the Bay I haven't colored in yet."

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Month 8

Just tried to go with Victoria to keep her company as she makes her way closer to Earth Bet. I'm glad that my abdomen has finished regrowing, as I lost both my legs and the bits of bone that had started regrowing.

We had to take Victoria with us to get a lesson in how magical healing works for missing limbs. In short, if you understand the human body, you can duplicate the cells needed to regrow the limb completely. However, unless you're someone like Asclepius (who could create a new body from scratch) you're not going to be doing that. What Selene does is create a magical prosthesis and scaffold for the body to grow into, but this only works for people blessed with magic, as they have a magical template to follow.

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Month 10

I'm starting to feel trapped here. I know why, it's because of my legs. It's not even like I'm not enjoying my time here. I just feel like I guess it's a bit like what I remember of school, and being trapped in the building with the bullies. I wonder if I felt trapped here before, or if it was a relief. I've been working on feeling the magic in my legs. While I'm not there yet, it's helped a lot with my magical awareness.

Selene's started teaching us how to make illusions. Probably because Victoria's got bored of reading, and she's finished her coloring book so many times her pencils are no longer usable.

No, wait, she's teaching me how to make illusions because the other two aren't good enough at sensing their surroundings to properly place things, and Sarah doesn't have the experience with accessing her memories to play back Tom and Jerry cartoons. Honestly, I'm surprised that Sarah's still here. I'd have expected her to head home after so long.

Oops, I hadn't considered that. Sarah's as stuck here as I am because she can't get close enough to Earth Bet to use the fixed channel. Now I've had an awkward conversation about how I feel trapped here because of my legs.

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Month 11

I've finally managed to produce an illusion. Nothing like the illusions that Selene can make, as they're more like a projector than a completely different environment. But it's enough to replay cartoons.

Sarah was able to replay one of her memories, and by god was it bad. I thought my pre-locker memories were bad with only being able to see the things I could see, but the lounge more or less stayed the same no matter what child me was doing. Sarah's were like some of those old home videos, where everything jumps around, and things are just fuzzier.

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Month 13

I've just sent Victoria and Sarah back to Earth Bet, as Victoria has been able to demonstrate that she can hold her magic at Earth Bet levels for long enough to have a nap.

Working through Victoria's mark is weird, and I don't think I want to do it too often as it's disconcerting seeing things from two perspectives. The less said about two different sets of sensations from my magic the better. I'm just glad I have a cleaning power.

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Once Sarah's shown her where the Dockworkers Union building is, Victoria teleports back to her momma's father's house.

While she's looking around the place Taylor called home for most of her life she collapses to the floor as she's suddenly falling over clutching her chest on the basketball court as her parents look on in apathetic boredom. She remembers how she was never enough, and how much she wanted to be a hero, to be noticed by her mother, to be loved… As she starts to convulse on the floor and an image, of two giant leech like things spiraling around each other, takes over her mind, she mumbles, "Like Taylor loves me".

As she comes round, Victoria floats off the floor and looks around the room in dismay, "Momma will be very upset with me… No, not with me, that's Mother, momma will be upset that this was all damaged."

Screwing her eye shut, Victoria pictures how the room looked before she collapsed and slowly makes everything come back together again.

As she opens her eyes and watches the slow, compared to momma, progress that things are making, Victoria groans, "How does momma make this look so easy?"

Once the room's back to the way she found it, including the hole in the wall, Victoria looks at the grandfather clock for a minute as she struggles to remember how to tell the time without touching any of the thorny memories.

"It's 37 minutes past three o'clock. When did school finish? I know it's soon." As she gets ready to teleport to the school, Victoria sings, "I'm going to meet my sister, I'm going to meet my sister."

A minute or so later, Victoria appears outside Arcadia middle school and looks at the building in confusion. "Um, I think I got the wrong school."

Spinning around, she spots a few adults hanging around with their phones out. Floating over to one she looks down at the ground for a second with a frown, before landing.

"Hello, I'm sorry to bother you. But do you know where Arcadia High School is, as I think I've got the wrong school."

The adult looks surprised at the question, while another one asks, "Don't you go to Arcadia High School?"

Victoria shrugs, "I don't really remember, I just remember that I go to Arcadia, but this doesn't look right."

At the same time, two of them say, "It's on the other side of the campus, just fly over that building and you'll see it." And "How did you get out of the time stop trap?"

Victoria looks between the two people as she processes what they said, the looks at the one that gave her the information, "Thank you, my sister goes to that school, I can't wait to meet her. Oh, and I don't remember a trap. But momma said that she was holding on to me when she fell down the canyon. It can be hard not to fall down like that."

Before anyone can ask something else, Victoria uses the hunting teleport to teleport to the roof of the middle school and spots the High School building on the other side of a football field that's surrounded by a running track and a few tennis courts. A few more jumps has her floating outside the school gates and staring at the school as her memory tickles her.

Despite wanting to go into her inner world to find out which stumps have started growing again, and if any of them don't have thorns, she resists as she wants to be there when Amy comes out.

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As the final bell for the school goes, Victoria is zooming around in the air twirlling her training spear as she pretends to hunt one of the beasts they eat.

She's so caught up in her play, that she doesn't notice the crowd until someone sarcastically shouts, "Nice dress!"

Victoria stops in midair and looks down at her carrot colored chiton, "Thank you. Momma made it for me and auntie Selene helped me color it."

A host of whispered comments spread through the crowd, and Victoria is suddenly aware of how many people there are.

A mousy girl with frizzy brown curly hair and freckles pushes her way through the circle that's formed around Victoria and looks up, "Vicky, everyone can see your panties!"

Victoria looks down, and then floats down to the ground as she looks hard at the girl. "You look familiar. Oh, I know, you're Amy aren't you. That means you're my sister. I thought you were younger though."

Amy looks at Victoria strangely, "Vicky, what's got into you? We grew up together."

Victoria lands on the ground, "Um, can I hug you?"

Amy looks at Victoria for a long moment, before nodding, "Sure."

Victoria covers the few feet between them in a rush, and pulls Amy into a hug, "I've wanted to meet you ever since I remembered you getting a vanilla ice cream when I got a double scoop of chocolate ice cream."

Amy grunts as she tries to breath, "Too tight!"

Victoria loosens her grip slightly, "Sorry, is that better?"

Amy nods as she reaches up to touch Victoria's bare arm. Leaning back, she looks into Victoria's eyes, "You really are Vicky, what happened to you?"

"I don't know. Momma said that I was bleeding from my eyes and ears after we fell down the Canyon, and I don't remember most of my life from before that. Auntie Selene healed me so that I didn't die, but she couldn't restore my memories. I've been working on those when I can, that's why I remember how to read."

Amy leans into Victoria's chest as she thumps her on the arm, "I thought you were dead, and then you just disappeared. And now I find out that you did die."

Victoria shakes her head, "I didn't die. Momma was very clear on that, she said that she had to hold my soul in my body while Selene healed me. I just don't want to look at the spiky memories as they're not good. Oh, I know, I'm going to buy you the biggest ice cream you can eat!"

As Victoria's putting her spear in her pouch, and looking for the bag she had had when momma saved her, Amy says, "I don't want ice cream."

Victoria's shoulders slump, "Oh… what would you like instead?"

"I want my sister back."

Tears start to streak down Victoria's face as she says, "But I'm right here."

Amy hits Victoria's chest and says, "Can we just go home?"

Victoria looks chagrined as she says, "Um, not until the canyon opens up. Sorry."

Amy leans back in confusion, "What? No, not there. Our home."

Victoria gives Amy a sad smile, "Sure, you'll have to show me where it is though, as I don't remember."

Amy points to the top of a massive building, "Fly us up there and I'll show you."

As Victoria tries to just take off, Amy squeaks, "Not like that, bridal style so you can't drop me."

After a brief explanation of what bridal style is, the two of them take off.

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As they're flying, Amy tugs at the bright orange dress, "Vicky, what's with this color?"

Vicky levitates Amy to one side as she smiles down at her dress, only to look up in concern when Amy screams with her eyes squeezed shut, "Amy, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to die, I don't want to die."

Vicky frowns, "I'm not going to let you fall."

After a couple of moments, Amy cracks open first one eye, and then another before she squeaks as she looks down, "Eeep! Are you sure?"

Vicky huffs as she comes in to land on the Medhall building, "Given that you're lighter than a tree, yes."

"What?!"

"You're lighter than a tree. Momma's been learning how to make a house from a book, and me and Big Sarah have been getting her the wood she needs. The joints are brilliant as they don't need any sticky stuff, just wood. But I can't cut straight enough lines to help yet. But at least I can help auntie Selene grow carrots. Oh, I just remembered, we can buy carrots here. Um, do you know where I could buy carrots?"

Amy looks at Vicky in confusion, "But you hate carrots."

Vicky frowns, "No I don't, I love carrots, they're sweet and crunchy and carrot colored."

Amy crosses the roof to look down at her home, and then off into the distance at the out of town Walmart that is only visible because of the massive parking lot around it. As she does, she wonders if she really wants to see Carol now, or later. Glancing to her side, she cringes at the bright orange color of Vicky's dress before smiling at how relaxed she looks.

Looking back at the streets below Amy points at a house with a red and green light blinking on the roof, "Vicky, can you see that house with the red and green light?"

Vicky shades her eyes and looks over the sea of buildings, "Yes, is that mothers home? It looks familiar."

Amy nods, "It is. If you look over there," she points at Walmart, "we can buy carrots at that shop first if you want."

As Vicky sweeps her back up into her arms, Amy looks back towards the hospital with a guilty expression. A moment later she doubles over as it feels like her stomach was left at the top of the Medhall building.

"Ugh, Vicky, what was that?"

Vicky beams at Amy, "I teleported us to buy carrots. I can't do it the way Auntie Selene and momma do, but they said I'd be able to do better once I get better at visualization."

"Ugh. Well for that you can buy me a bar of imported chocolate."

Vicky smiles, "Sure. Uh, I might need your help paying for things, as I don't actually remember how. Just that we need to."

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Amy jerks awake as Vicky touches her cheek gently. Scooting backwards in the bed she hisses, "Vicky! What did you do that for, you know I hate being woken up like that."

As Vicky recoils as though she'd just slapped her, Amy reaches out her hand and hesitates a second before touching her, "I'm sorry, I forgot you don't remember. I've had a bad night."

Vicky starts to cry again, and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

Amy reminds herself for the umpteenth time this evening that Vicky's mentally only a child, and it's not her fault she doesn't remember stuff, "It's alright, you didn't know. Touching my bare skin always wakes me up because I'm always aware of everything about living creatures that are touching me."

Vicky looks down at the bed and sniffs, "That must be horrible."

Amy strokes Victoria's arm, "It's just a shock that's all. I'm used to it."

Vicky looks up at Amy, "Is Carol always like that to you?"

Amy thinks back to the shouting that Carol did when they got home. First at Vicky about using her phone and not paying attention, then for pretending not to know what she's talking about. Then at Amy for not fixing Vicky, not that there's anything to fix as she has no idea where she'd even begin. Then at Vicky when she used a foreign word and tried to defend her. Eventually she says, "No, she's usually better than that. I think she was just worried about you."

Vicky shakes her head, "I remember the basketball foul."

Amy's heart goes out to Vicky, "Oh Vicky."

Vicky shrugs, "I didn't remember it until I came back to the mortal world, then I remembered and suddenly I could fly. I, um, that is. The canyon's open and I'm about to go home. Do you want to come and meet Aunt Selene? You already know momma and Big Sarah."

Amy lifts up her duvet to reveal Blenda and shrugs, "Sure, why not. As long as I can bring Blenda with me, as she still needs constant care."

Vicky smiles, "Well grab what you want, as we'll be gone for a long time. Hopefully you won't wake up the kýsthos, and get us shouted at again."

After Amy's put all of her borrowed medical books into Vicky's pouch, along with her secret chocolate stash. She get's dressed in a comfortably hoodie, and puts Blenda into the hood where she like to ride. Now dressed she smiles at Vicky, "I'm ready."

Vicky lifts Amy up into a bridal carry with a smile, "Well, let's go."

Amy frowns as nothing seems to happen, except Vicky getting a constipated look on her face. Then she has just enough time to scream before she passes out.