He found himself skidding back a few paces before he could right himself, coating his once polished dress shoes under yet another layer of sand. Sanji grimaced, taking a moment to swipe a line of blood away from his eye. Standing across from him, that damn body switching bastard giggled irritatingly.
This was bad. He wasn't getting anywhere with this guy. Turned out those number agents could actually put up a fight. He winced. And Vivi-chan had been planning on dealing with these guys alone.
It made him sick.
"Oh?" Mr 2 Bon Kurei crooned, "Giving up already."
Sanji growled- "As if-" and leapt forwards with his leg outstretched, "Collier…"
Instantly that makeup coated face got replaced with his beloved Nami-san's, "Ah~! You wouldn't hit little old me would you~?"
Dammit! He averted the attack, the unspent momentum from his swing leaving him in a horribly vulnerable position. Wincing, Sanji braced himself for the inevitable counter attack.
Except… it didn't come.
Aha! So his theory was correct.
As soon as he recovered, Sanji hopped back until he felt certain that his opponent couldn't reach him. After that, he smirked, "I've got your trick now."
The false Nami-san blinked innocently at him, "What trick?"
"Though I may not be able to harm you when you are masquerading as a lady, you're not able to attack me either are you?"
"Why you…" Nami-san tapped her face to revert back to Mr 2's. "I have been honing my form for years to perfect my okama-kenpo! Without my perfect physique it is nigh impossible to mimic my attacks!"
Sanji couldn't help but snort at that. Now who did that sound like? Ah he hoped she was doing alright. Were the cooks at the Baratie treating her with the respect she deserved?
"Unless…" Out of nowhere Mr 2's eyes grew to twice their original size. Skin paling whiter than that thick foundation, the man crouched down and started muttering to himself. Much to Sanji's confusion. "Oh… I could do that… But oooh I do not want to betray our friendship…I don't I don't I don't!"
Fuck… now's not the time to reminisce on old times you damn pretty boy. Grimacing, Sanji tapped the toes of his shoes against the floor in anticipation. At least it meant he had a heads up in figuring out what exactly he would do about this.
Honestly he'd thought that his revelation would've been the end of it. There weren't exactly many people who had that sort of physique after all, and far fewer females at that. But if by some stroke of bad luck this dude had managed to find one of those females…
No. Don't think about it. He'd find a way. He just knew it!
"Alright I'll do it! It is a sacrifice I that I shall have to make! For Zero-chan, and for my queen!"
Sanji gulped. A sacrifice? What was this idiot planning to do now?
"Ah…" Mr 2 sniffled, raising a hand to his face, "Forgive me my dear, dear friend! I shall repay you someday I swear!"
He switched.
And Sanji felt his heart thud to a stop.
Pale skin covered in numerous scars and callouses. Muted green eyes that he knew like the back of his hand. And that grey hair, the colour of polished steel, that was only just beginning to grow down beyond her shoulders.
"Ahh… I should be able to fight like this! I always knew she hadn't reached her true potential!"
"What…" He stammered blankly. "How… She… She's not…"
How the hell did this bastard get her face. How?! She was supposed to be on the other side of the Red Line! He was certain of it!
"Well then," Fake Strauss beamed at him, her face twisted into something that just seemed so un-her, "Do you want to rethink that weakness hm?"
Sanji's knuckles whitened. That bastard.
"Is something wrong?" Strauss, no, Fake Strauss cocked her head, pouting in a way that Sanji just knew that the real girl would hate. "Oh!" She came to a realisation, "You… Are you the one Straussy's looking for!? The cook, Sanji!?"
He knew her name. Hell, he'd even given her a nickname. A nickname! And what was that bulshit about being the one she's looking for? That seemed to mean that Strauss was somewhere in the Grand Line searching after him. But she couldn't be! She wouldn't do something as stupid as that. She wouldn't…
Oh what was he thinking, of course she would.
"Ah well this changes things!" Sanji didn't so much as blink as a newly transformed Mr 2 began pirouetting circles around him, "Truuuce~ Truuuce~ We can go back to fighting later, I wanna talk about my dear Straussy for a moment! She's one of my bestest friends and I wanted to know more about her..."
Sanji's eyebrow twitched.
His… dear… Straussy...?
Mr 2 was out cold and stuck through a wall before he was even aware of the throbbing lump on the back of his head. Scowling, Sanji fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette. But even his trusty release didn't help stifle the sheer rage seething through his body.
Strauss. On the Grand Line. Alone.
The cigarette snapped between his fingers.
God he was tempted to wake up that idiot and interrogate him about everything he knew, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle all that babbling. As he thought about it more, Sanji kicked the limp body again. Just for good measure. And his own pent up anger.
Sanji lit another cigarette for his nerves. Didn't work. Well, he'd sort of expected that anyways. Who would be calm about something like this. Something glinted from the weirdo's pockets. Oh yeah, Usopp's goggles. That was why he'd set out to fight this guy in the first place wasn't it. He picked them up, finally coming to a decision.
Alright. He would think about this later. Right now Vivi-chan needed him. And afterwards… afterwards…
He had one hell of a headache to think about.
"You can go and have fun you know."
"Shuddup," Strauss growled under her breath, "I'm having fun right where I am."
Behind her Sanji sighed, barely audible under the hiss of the grill, "Look, I was asked to cook. I have to be here. You don't. So go and dance with the others already. It's fine."
"Then who will serve the food?"
"You don't have to serve the food! It's buffet sty-! Oi! Oi Strauss get back here!"
She rolled her eyes and continued walking away with a tray of still sizzling kebabs balanced in each hand. He could scream all he wanted, she still wouldn't listen to him. 'Go have fun' her ass! She hadn't even wanted to come! Sanji should just let her do what she wanted instead of nagging her all the time.
Besides, she smiled as a bunch of her fisherman friends grabbed handfuls of kebabs and burgers from her tray, she liked being the waitress. She was liked, but not in the spotlight. Suited her just fine.
At least no one had groped her yet. Which would be quickly followed by Sanji 'defending her honour' or something like that. She called that a win.
On the working side of things, the festival wasn't actually that bad. She could just mingle and feel purposeful about it. She was useful, instead of trying her hardest to figure out how to melt into a shadowy corner. And the colours and cheery music were quite pleasant when you were in the thick of it.
Instead of looking in from the outside.
It was interesting too. While she was used to this sort of thing at the Baratie, it was a whole different story in a more informal environment. The customers exchanged playful banter with her, yelling merrily across the plaza if they needed her to come over. Instead of being rude, it really made her feel like she was interacting with the festival goers, and less like a simple member of staff.
One thing she didn't like was that clean up was now a constant job instead of exchanging tablecloths and eating utensils after each customer or mopping up at the end of the day. Litter was everywhere, most people leaving their dirty plates or glasses on a ledge, a bench, or even the floor. It was appalling! Especially in such a happy environment. People needed to be more responsible with their waste! At least some people had got the idea and started to give their rubbish to her. That always made her feel slightly better.
"Here." A plate got shoved in her face during one of her trips back to the barbeque to refill her trays. "Eat."
She cocked an eyebrow, surveying the dish curiously, "Why?"
Sanji groaned, "Have you lost track of the time already? It's nearly 6pm by my watch; you need to eat something."
Was it really that late? Frowning, she glanced up at the sky. Huh… The sun was nearing the horizon, painting the sky in broad brushstrokes of colour. She'd been so caught up in her job that she hadn't even noticed. That being said… she wasn't exactly ready to stop working just yet. There was rubbish that needed clearing, and it was getting to the moment in a festival where people ignore the non-alcoholic drinks in favour of the real thing. The liquor stall was going to be overwhelmed without her help. Food could wait for a bit.
"I'm not hungry."
"Don't you try that with me," he scowled, waving the plate more. "If you don't eat soon enough even the fishmen are going to hear your stomach growl. That thing is noisy."
Ugh… "Fine," she hissed, taking the plate begrudgingly, "I guess I can take five minutes off…"
"Oh no you don't." Sanji wagged a finger at her, "Like it or not, we are under Zeff's 'work prohibition' right now. If he finds out that not only are we disregarding his orders we're doing it for free, all hell on earth is going to break loose and rain down chaos on both of us." A smirk played at his lips, "You wouldn't want that now would you?"
Strauss sighed, considering any alternatives possible yet not finding any that were satisfying. She didn't want Sanji to be dragged down just because of her stubbornness. While he was technically 'working' with you, he was actually cooking for once instead of serving with you. And he was actually enjoying it too. Any compliment about the food, made his entire face light up so much the guy was practically glowing. It wasn't fair on him to be punished.
"Fine…" she conceded weakly, "I'll take a break."
"You promise?"
"Yeah."
"You aren't going to go back on your word?"
"I won't!"
For a moment he just stood there, eyes narrowing into slits. Strauss stared back with equal intensity. Then-
"I don't believe you."
Strauss bristled, "Why the hell don't you believe me!? I already promised I'd take a break, alright!? Get off my case!"
Sanji promptly ignored her, instead calling back to the women manning the other stalls, "Mrs Ling, Mrs Peabody, is it okay if I take my lunch break now?"
"Oh no worries, Sanji dear," the older of the two smiled kindly, "It's relatively quiet right now. Astrid and I can handle ourselves just fine. You kids go off and enjoy your date! Young love is a treasure you know."
"Oh… uh…" Not again. Sanji and Strauss glanced at each other tiredly, "We're not…"
"Run along now," her companion giggled, "Don't let us old busybodies keep you."
They gave up. There was no point talking to a brick wall, and honestly they were getting sick of this. Seriously, couldn't a guy and a girl just be friends? Platonically? Even Sanji was looking more annoyed than usual, which was saying something.
"They kept going on about it while I was cooking," he admitted when they had both settled down in one of the more deserted corners. "I tried to explain it to them- I really did- but they just wouldn't listen to me.
"It's alright. Not like it's hurting anyone," she shrugged, taking a large bite of the burger. And had to resist a moan. Damn Sanji and his seasonings… it was hard to be annoyed at him when he made food taste this good. The burger was gone within four bites. Four very large, and very long bites.
Maybe taking a break wasn't so bad.
She turned towards Sanji to see if he was enjoying himself (this was his idea! If he wasn't having fun she was gonna be mad), only to see him staring back at her with a strange bemused expression on his face.
And more damningly, an untouched burger.
"You gonna eat that or…"
"Huh?" Sanji blinked, as if waking from a deep slumber. He glanced down at his food, "Oh! Uh… Yeah I'll eat. It's just… Uh… I was…" He shot abruptly away and began wolfing down his food, bright pink ears peaking out from under his hair.
Strauss' eyes narrowed. He was blushing… that was never good. But they were just friends weren't they. Completely platonic friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Although… she frowned. There was definitely something that could get him this confused.
"Are you still frustrated that we get mistaken as a couple all of the time?"
She seemed to have hit the nail on the head. Sanji gaped a moment, frowned a moment, before eventually nodding, "It just doesn't seem fair on you, y'know."
Now that she had not expected, "Huh?"
"Well… It…" He sighed, "Now, this is going to sound stupid, so I don't want you to laugh, but…" Eyes flickering all over the place, he seemed anything but calm. "It makes it sound like I deserve to be with someone like you."
Eh?
Strauss blinked.
EH?!
"I know, it sounds so stupid to say it out loud," blurted Sanji, words tripping over his tongue so fast that they almost blurred together, "But you're so perfect and beautiful and wonderful and I'm…" his shoulders slumped, "I'm just...me."
She couldn't help it. "Pfffffffffffffffffft!"
"Oi!" Sanji recoiled, somewhat betrayed at Strauss' impromptu giggle fit, "I told you I didn't want you to laugh!"
"Me? Perfect?!" She wiped a tear from her eye, "How can I not laugh!"
He stared at her, "But you are perfect…?"
"Okay okay okay!" With one final wheeze she straightened, face still flushed from overintensive laughter, "I can't cook for the life of me."
"What are you-?"
"I've tried, so many damn times, but it always ends up as a hunk of black goo; even water," she added somewhat proudly.
"How the hell do you manage that…" he muttered.
"No clue. It just happens. But that's not the end of it!" She leant forwards, "I mean you said it yourself; I'm a workaholic. So much of a workaholic, in fact, that I had to be given a punishment to not work for a week."
"I got that punishment too-"
"Shuddup, you get the point. So I'm hardly perfect. Or wonderful. And probably not that pretty, from what I've been told. So don't you give me that shit about being 'not worthy' of me, since I'm a pretty bad human being. And what do you mean 'you're just you'; you're cool too! You can cook for one. Not to mention that you're kind, polite, and have actual manners." Reaching out, she gave his forehead a gentle flick, "So what if you're not perfect. I'm not either. Doesn't stop us from being friends."
He gaped at her, before breaking out a smile, "Yeah… I guess you would say that wouldn't you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing… nothing…" Wolfing down the rest of his burger, Sanji offered his hand towards her, "Right then. We should get back to our posts. You coming?"
Sighing, she gave a small smile back. She was glad this had got smoothed over. Experience had told her that these things were always better out in the open. Stifling true feelings and emotions never worked.
It never worked.
"GYAAAAAAH!"
The scream pierced the air like a bullet, instantly snapping Sanji out of his thoughts. Just as well really. He hadn't known that Strauss would take his excuse so passionately, and felt more than a little bit guilty about it. He also felt guilty about using such a potential for his own gain, but it couldn't be that bad could it? Someone probably got cut on a shard or glass, or accidentally spilt alcohol down them. A scream could mean a whole bunch of things. No need to assume the worse.
The joyful atmosphere froze. Only for it to be replaced with mild panic and hysteria.
Okay...so perhaps assuming the worst was the right thing to do here.
Together he and Strauss pushed past the crowd, making their way towards what must be the epicentre of the chaos.
"Bwahaha!" The stout figure cackled, thumping… his? No, wait, was it a her? She was wearing some form of lipstick… and those dips on her chest could be defined as breasts... Even so she didn't exactly seem like any female he knew about, but then again neither had Strauss the first time they'd met. He was going to take the benefit of the doubt this time. Anyhow, the gorgeous woman cackled, thumping her mace triumphantly against the polished tiles, "We're the Alvida pirates! The most gorgeous pirates in the East Blue If any of you lowlives wanna live, you'd better hand over your valuables fast. And…" the figure sniffed- "might as well pocket your food too."
Pirates. Of course it was pirates. Sanji couldn't help but sigh, reaching up to loosen his tie. It was the same everywhere they went huh… He couldn't catch a break!
Strauss nudged at his ribs, "We gonna deal with this?"
Pausing, Sanji glanced around at the rest of the crowd. As expected. They all looked scared and were trying hard to not get into a fight; even the burly fishermen were more focused on protecting their families than trying to deter the invaders. "Might as well." He rolled out his shoulders experimentally, "Try not to get injured this time."
"So you're actually letting me fight this time?"
"Would you listen to me if I told you not to."
"Nope." She cracked her knuckles. "Who's going for the blobfish fishman?"
Growling, Sanji flicked her head, "That's a lady and you will treat her such!"
"Oh she's a lady?! Really?! Huh… my bad."
Of course she didn't use that as an insult. Sanji smiled to himself. The Strauss he knew wasn't like that.
"That settles it then," she muttered as they began to walk forwards towards their opponents, "Can you take on her goons alone?"
"Who the hell do you think I am?"
"Good. I'll handle the woman."
"Oi!" The woman in question snarled, raising an accusatory finger, "I ain't just any old woman, ya brats! KOBY!"
A tiny boy scuttled out from the back of the group, "Y-yes Alvida, ma'am?"
She smirked, "Go on! Tell 'em who I am!"
"W-why of course! Of course of course!"
Poor kid. He looked younger than they were, and terrified out of his wits. Too bad he got in with the wrong sorts.
Eventually he stopped trembling enough to gently grovel before her, "You are Alvida, ma'am...t-t-the, uh, the most beautiful pirate on the seas."
Sanji and Strauss straightened, and stared at each other.
...well that was a blatant lie.
Now Sanji appreciated beauty. He liked to believe that every lady bloomed into a delightful flower, no matter the type or shape. No lady could be ugly. They each were equally gorgeous in their own right, and it was his duty as a gentleman to help them realise their self worth.
That being said, he wasn't blind either. While he applauded this lady's confidence, (since she must have a helluva lot of it), he definitely did not appreciate how she was putting down other women to fuel her own self esteem. This was not a competition. All ladies were beautiful. Even if… said beauty was hard to find.
Also Boa Hancock was HOT! No one, and he meant no one, could compare to that bombshell. He was certain that she was the only one worthy enough to be dubbed 'the most beautiful pirate on the seas' or whatever, if something as trivial as that was to be taken into account.
"Goood!" Alvida grinned toothily, "Now back and clean the ship, ya idiot! You're only the caretaker! Why the hell did you even come out in the first place?!"
"Because you told me to-"
"ARE YOU TALKIN' BACK TO ME?!"
"N-No! N-never, Miss Alvida ma'am!"
"THEN GET MOVIN'!"
"Y-yes!"
Sanji let out a sigh of relief as the pink haired boy eagerly hurried back to the pirate ship moored by the docks. He hadn't been looking forward to fighting that kid. He seemed too pathetic to fight.
"This is getting boring," growled Strauss, scratching her ear. "Why is it that pirates always spend too much time boasting about themselves?"
"Fear factor?" Sanji suggested weakly.
"It'd be scarier if I hadn't heard the same speech twenty times already."
"You two don't seem to be that alarmed," Alvida snarled, "considering that you are faced with the deadliest pirates in the East Blue."
Oh god. Sanji exchanged a dry look with Strauss. If he had a beli, a single beli, for every time he'd heard that, he'd be filthy rich by now! Strauss was right. The pirates here were never original. If this was the North Blue, these guys would be at the bottom of the sea already. Heck, they would've never left the harbour!
On the other hand, while both he and Strauss were perfectly calm about the situation, he couldn't help but be aware about the line of shaking people behind them. They weren't as used to pirates as the two of them were. They were just people; people who wanted to have a fun time during their annual festival. The longer this dragged out, the more traumatising it would be for them.
He motioned to Strauss, "Let's wrap this up already."
"Fine by me."
"Well aren't you cocky?!" Raising a hand, Alvida smirked, "BOYS! GETTEM!"
"YES MA'AM!" Her crew roared, rushing forwards towards the two figures. However, they weren't quite divided evenly. For some strange reason unbeknownst to Sanji, the majority of the goons appeared to think that it was a good idea to aim for Strauss first. And… with very suspicious expressions on their faces.
Not if he had anything to do about it!
Sanji tilted onto his hands, rotating faster and faster to unleash a barrage of kicks that knocked the entire wall of grunts out cold. "If you wish to harm my lovely lady friend-" he straightened, slamming a foot into a nearby jaw- "you're gonna have to go through me first!"
Strauss rolled her eyes, "I could've handled them…"
"Oh I am well aware. Just-" he waved a hand- "indulge me for once."
"Fine." She sauntered forwards, stepping gingerly over the groaning bodies. "I'll let it slide this once. But only because you need me to fight the boss."
Yeah that was true… No matter how un-ladylike a lady could be, he would never harm a woman. Ever. He still felt guilty about attacking Strauss back then, so he would have to double down on his efforts for the future.
He was slightly worried about that club though. Granted it looked slow enough to dodge with ease, but those spikes were nothing to joke about. If Strauss got caught on one of those, it would be bad news. But… he sighed. He would just have to leave that up to her. She trusted him with Alvida's whole crew, he would have to trust her with Alvida herself.
Unsurprisingly, the goons weren't anything special. For a crew without a bounty they weren't that bad, but that wasn't a particularly high bar to pass. They lasted a minute or so longer. That's it. What a waste. He wasn't even sweating.
Strauss on the other hand was having a little bit of trouble. Alvida was more maneuverable than she looked; and while his friend hadn't actually got hit yet, she hadn't exactly done much damage either. It wasn't her fault. It was just… Alvida… absorbed her hits surprisingly well.
Judging by the slight grimace on her face, Strauss had realised this too. Sanji debated coming in to help (he may not be able to attack a woman, but he could certainly defend one), but decided against it. Strauss would be absolutely livid if he did that.
But her movements were getting tired. The weariness was clear even from where he was standing. She was trying to hit hard and it wasn't working in the slightest. If this kept up, she be…
Before him stood Strauss, swaying dangerously up the stairs with a hand clutching a rapidly growing stain. Eyes barely registering he was there.
"You'd better fucking catch me."
No. His fists clenched. He couldn't go through that again. He wouldn't. His heart would stop dead if he did.
Thoughts rushed through his head. He could attack Alvida… and break his moral code beyond repair. Although he didn't know if he could face Mom and Reiju if he did that. Or Zeff for that matter.
But he had to incapacitate her somehow. Perhaps there was something he could use… something that wouldn't actually hurt her, and would only restrain her from doing anything. What was around… what could be useful. All he could see were the festival equipment and a couple of fishing boats.
Fishing boats with nets!
Aha!
In one fluid movement, he grabbed the nearest net and hurled it towards Alvida. Strauss saw it coming just in time, and swiftly moved aside.
"H-huh?!" Alvida yelped as her limbs got entangled in a mass of rope and weights, "What the-"
Strauss quickly silenced her with a length of rope, twisted into a strange mixture of both restrains and mouth gag.
There was a moment of calm. Almost as if everyone sucked in the same sigh of relief. Until…
"YAHOOOOO!"
Crisis averted. Sanji grinned, tidying his collar as he sauntered towards Strauss, "Nice work! I don't know about you, but I think I needed a bit of light exercise."
"Yeah." Her head remained turned away from him. "Thanks for the save."
Hang on. Sanji deflated a little. Why did she sound so… flat? Was it his fault? But she was struggling; who knew what would've happened if he hadn't stepped in. "Hey..." he reached out to touch her shoulder, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine!" She snapped, before grimacing and waving it away, "Sorry. I just… I didn't mean to yell like that. I just…"
His hand froze in midair, "Strauss-san?"
She got to her feet. "I'm...fine. Just… need some space is all."
"Can I help-"
"Thanks for the offer... but I think I'd rather be alone right now."
And with that she was gone, weaving through the crowd so fast they didn't even have time to thank her. For a while Sanji stayed where he was. Frozen in place just staring at her back as it disappeared behind the mass of people. He didn't know what to think. Or how to think. So many strange and messy questions were muddling together inside his head, twirling so fast around each other that it was impossible to tell one from the other. Or even if they were separate questions to begin with.
He was just… confused.
A/N
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Didn't mean to post on Christmas Eve, but hey here we are. Sorry for the delay! I've just had a strange couple of weeks recently and decided that I deserved a break. So here's a chapter slightly longer than usual! (Yeah I don't know what's going on in my head anymore. It makes writing very VERY interesting at times)
Hope you enjoy, and wherever you are in this messed up world... have a great Christmas. I think we all deserve it. See you all in 2021!