"I don't believe it!"
Sanji clenched the sheet of paper tighter in his grip, trying his hardest to burn every bit of ink into his memory.
"I knew she could handle herself," Usopp mused, leaning over the cook's shoulder to get a closer look, "But who would've thought she'd get a bounty huh?"
"Can I see can I see?!" Chopper poked his little head through the crook of Sanji's arm, eyes doubling in size as he saw the bounty poster. "Woah is that someone you know, Sanji? She looks really cool!"
"I have to say though-" Nami, the ever gorgeous and angelic lady that she was, furrowed her brow- "It is a little surprising… I didn't even think she'd ever leave the East Blue, let alone get a bounty."
Neither had he until that damned crossdressing bastard had told him otherwise!
"Makes sense she'd get a bounty before the curly-brow," the damn marimo sniggered against the mast. "Maybe we should've recruited her instead."
Too bad she couldn't cook Sanji thought to himself, not even bothering to rise to the jab.
"Nuh-uh! I wanted Sanji!" Luffy insisted. "His food's the best ever! SANJI! MEAT!"
"Not now!" he called over his shoulder. "You just ate."
"Is it always this lively here?" The newest member, the delightfully gorgeous and enigmatic Robin-chan, mused curiously.
Nami groaned, "Pretty much."
"Fufu! How charming."
For once Sanji decided to tune out their conversation, turning his attention back towards the poster. A bounty huh? For Strauss? Who would've thought? Though, he chuckled, knowing her she'd probably never intended to get one. She'd never liked attention of any kind, even if it was only this little.
She looked well though. For the most part, and if he ignored the crowd of Marines that seemed to have surrounded her. Her hair was longer than he remembered, and slightly more grubby too. It made him realise just how long he'd been gone for. Time seemed to fly by in this crew as they went from one escapade to the next.
Why had she left? It was something he could never really figure out, no matter how long he thought about it. It was so… un-Strauss-like. It wasn't like her at all! Not that he was mad about it or anything. Quite the opposite in fact. He was proud that she'd actually decided to go out and see the world like this. It was just...
She'd grown so much… without him.
Was it bad he felt upset by that? That there was a strange twinge in his stomach that he couldn't quite identify? He felt bad about it at least. He felt terrible.
But… hang on a second there.
His eyebrow twitched. Was that… a flame in the corner? He leant forwards to scrutinise the image more. Along with… a neon orange hat?
That damn-
"Oi Luffy!"
He glanced up from where he sat entwined in the railings, "Mm?"
"Do you have a way to contact your brother?"
"Ace?" He scratched his head, shuffling his straw hat over at an angle. "Nah don't think so? He didn't gimme a number or anything. Just a stupid piece of paper. Why?"
Sanji smiled.
...Why?
And cracked his knuckles.
Why?!
"BECAUSE I AM GOING TO FLAY HIM LIMB FROM LIMB IF HE LETS HARM COME TO SO MUCH AS A SINGLE HAIR ON STRAUSS' HEAD!"
"Wait, Ace is on there!? Ooh lemme see!"
"LIKE HELL YOU'LL SEE BECAUSE I BET YOU THE ONLY REASON SHE WAS DRAGGED INTO THAT SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS BECAUSE OF YOUR IDIOT BROTHER!"
"Hey- OW- Why the hell is that my fault!?"
"BECAUSE HE'S YOUR BROTHER!"
And he had some strange pent up emotions that he needed to get out of his system.
Zeff narrowed his bushy eyebrows, "And what exactly are you doing, brat?"
"Looking through the obituaries," Sanji muttered absentmindedly, skimming his way through one newspaper before flinging it aside and picking up the next.
"Yeah I can see that, you idiot..." Zeff hissed, pinching his nose. "'s not as if I'm goin' blind just yet."
He couldn't for the life of him figure this was all about. After all, it wasn't as if there had been a very conspicuous customer that had stopped coming, or any particular news that would make him worried. If it was only that he'd be fine with it. But it wasn't...
His eyes wavered over the piles of storage boxes strewn across the room.
…SINCE WHY THE HELL DID THE BRAT NEED THAT MANY NEWSPAPERS?!
"Can I ask why!?" Zeff muttered tersely.
"I'm looking for something."
Oh dear god it was too damn early to be having this conversation. "And… what exactly are you looking for?"
"No idea."
Zeff blinked.
He wasn't… the eggplant wasn't…
"You… have no idea?"
"Nope."
Another tired, tired hand ran down the old man's face. Not yet. It was too early, and his office was falling apart as it was. He could hold it in. He could restrain himself. No matter how strong the desire to slam his head multiple times into the wall was...
The eggplant let out another scowl as yet another article was discarded onto the heap, "If I did know… then I wouldn't need to do this!"
"Is it something important then?" Zeff swung his feet onto his desk, grunting with the effort. "I can give you a hand if you need it."
Sanji narrowed his eyes, "Since when did you get so mushy, you shitty geezer?"
"Shut ya trap!" The ginormous chef's hat was both long and heavy enough to give the brat a solid whack. "I ain't mushy! The sooner you're finished with this wild goose chase of yours the sooner I get my office back! So quit the whining and tell me why the hell you're doing this!"
Pausing, Sanji contemplated it for a moment before lowering his newspaper into his lap. "Well…" he started, looking somewhat unconvinced with himself, "It's about Strauss…"
He should have known. He. Should. Have. KNOWN! God he was an idiot for not seeing it sooner. Of course the girl had something to do with it if the brat was moping this much! Zeff could have laughed if he didn't find this so irritating.
"It's just… she told me that she didn't have a dream. She…" Sanji's face stiffened a little. "She called them… stupid."
All humour drained in an instant.
"Now I don't blame her for that or anything, sure she was a little harsh but it's her feelings y'know, plus she apologized afterwards, but…" He groaned, running a hand through his hair. "She was crying. Crying, Zeff. Like actually crying."
Oh…
"And she-" Sanji's lip twitched- "she said she didn't want to lose me too."
Oh fuck…
"It scared me, Zeff. I'd… never seen her like that before." He crumpled the paper in his hand. "I don't want her to be like that again."
No. Neither did he.
He had no idea her scars ran that deep. And, honestly, he felt bad for not checking. She was just a kid. What sort of kid didn't want to dream? Or be terrified of dreaming.
He'd known she was mature for her age, but he'd never considered at what price.
"So, and this might be dumb, I thought I'd do some digging," Sanji continued, turning away in an effort to hide his flustered face. "From what she was saying it sounded like she'd lost someone before, so I figured that there might be some information in the obituaries or something. A name or something. I know it's bad to go behind her back like this… but I don't want to bother her with stuff she wants to forget."
This… this was tricky. And for once Zeff could understand it from both sides. When a friend was hurting he would absolutely throw everything aside just to find out what had made them that way… but on the flip side he wouldn't want someone searching through his past. Even if they did that with the best intentions.
The question was who would he choose-
"Heh," he chuckled, reaching for a newspaper of his own. That wasn't really a question now was it. Didn't matter how much Strauss had grown on him over the year, the fact of the matter was Sanji was more like family than Zeff would ever be willing to admit. He'd always be on the brat's side. Always.
Even if it may not always seem like that.
"So-" Zeff flipped through the pages towards the obituaries- "What sorta thing are you looking for?"
He snorted as the kid's face widened into a beaming smile. God he really needed to get better at hiding his emotions. Although… it wouldn't be Sanji if he did.
"M… Manager Zeff…"
"Less babbling and more explaining, ya damn eggplant!" Zeff smirked toothily, "We've got our work cut out for us if we're gonna search through each of these papers today, so you'd better knuckle down already."
Sanji seemed to swell with joy and relief, "Sure! Well… you already know why we're looking through the obituaries right?"
"Yeah? So get on with it."
Neither of the pair noticed the creak outside the door.
"Fine fine. Since Strauss told me that she was trained as a dancer from the age of 3-"
"Age of 3 huh? Impressive."
"Oi. I thought you were the one who told me to get on with it, you shitty geezer. So quit cutting me off!"
"Tch…"
"Thank you. So, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I figured that it made sense that she was probably bought up around fellow dancers. So this 'special person' to her was probably a dancer."
"Makes sense. So we start from when she joined the Baratie and work back from there looking for dead dancers?"
"That was my plan, yeah."
"It's shit."
"Ha like you have any better! You're so old that I'm surprised you're keeping up."
"You've been warned, brat. Don't be surprised when this old man finds that piece of information you're lookin' for."
"Bring it."
Strauss leant back against the other side of the door, listening to the playful jibes being tossed back and forth. She glanced down towards the slip of paper in her hand, before deciding to shove it back into her pocket. She would ask about that later. When they were done with… their business.
They were close to finding out. So very close. And…
A coil of emotion writhed in her gut.
What would they think? Would they pity her? Say she was stupid like all the others? Stupid for being used like that, and for running blindly forwards even though she should have known what was going to happen?
She'd like to believe that they weren't like that. But her head wasn't exactly known for its logical thinking. She could just be being naive again, unlikely though that may be.
The one thing she did know was that she couldn't keep standing there. It probably wouldn't be a good thing for them to find her eavesdropping on them, especially after that conversation about not letting her find out. It wasn't that she didn't mind them knowing. It was just…
It hurt.
And she didn't want to be there when they found out.
The leave of absence slip crumpled uselessly in her pocket. It would be a surprise, she knew, but it was something that had to be done. It was about time for her to decide to stop running from herself. Or… at least to let her feelings linger. Even for a moment. Sanji had helped her to realise that much.
What would it be like… to be that excited about a 'what if'?
She was moments away from turning on her heel and stalking back to their room. But… could she face him as he lied to her face like that? It wasn't his fault or anything, he was just trying to be considerate, but whatever he could say would be hard to swallow.
So she sat. And sat. And sat. Alone in the corridor, tucked into a small nook where a pot plant once stood. She didn't even say a word, preferring to listen to the occasional murmur from inside the room when someone found a particularly curious piece of information or had concocted some ridiculous theory. She had to stifle a smile at times. No, she hadn't worked in a circus. Nor was she Emporio Ivankov's mysterious lovechild (one of her favourite speculations that Sanji had put forward. Zeff had cackled for a solid minute and refused to explain why).
She waited until the sun began to dip down below the horizon, right when Sanji pushed the office door open with a face of begrudged disappointment.
"This time tomorrow, geezer?"
"As long as you do your damn job!"
Strauss slunk deeper into the shadows as Sanji walked off, not past her, but in the general direction of the kitchens. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice her.
Once he was out of sight, she rose to her feet and pushed open the door to enter Zeff's office.
Sorry Sanji.
He was not going to like this.
"You…" Sanji blinked at her in horrified confusion, "You're going on leave?"
"Just for a day." Strauss swiftly stacked away the table's glasses and balanced them on her upper arm. "I would've really preferred for it to be for the day off, but it's pretty far away and the only boat's being used for the supply run. I can sail well enough to handle it. Don't worry."
That's… that's not what he was worried about. At all. There were far more things there that he was concerned about than how well Strauss could sail a boat. Since… when was Strauss, the person who'd insisted on working with a damn bullet wound in her side, willingly going on leave? It didn't make a lick of sense.
Was it for family reasons? But Strauss hated every mention of her family. Then for leisure? Pfft! As if! To meet up with someo-
No! He shook his head hurriedly. What was he thinking. That couldn't be the case. This was Strauss he was talking about here. She'd have a good reason. Yeah. She usually thought things through. There was no need to panic about it.
Not that he was panicking or anything though…
"Do you want company," he asked, with more hope than he was willing to admit.
Strauss froze halfway through picking up a plate. But before he could ask why she had already shaken herself back to consciousness. "Nah. I should be fine. Thanks for the offer though."
"O… oh." Sanji drooped a little. "Okay then…"
Sighing deeply, he watched as she moved off to dispose of the dirty kitchenware. Was it just him or was she distancing herself from him recently? Ever since that incident when she… broke down like that… it was almost like she had been avoiding him. Or was that his imagination?
He wished she wouldn't. Granted seeing her like that had shaken him up a little, and probably done a number on her pride, but it wasn't anything to be embarrassed over. He wanted to see her cry.
No. Wait. That was worded badly.
He wanted to see her open up more?
Yeah that sounded better. And less like he was some sort of sadist.
But the feeling still came through. All Sanji wanted was for Strauss to realise that she could lean on him a little more. He was reliable, wasn't he? He could help her? It was what a gentleman did after all.
Still… He sighed once more. There wasn't much he could really do about it if she didn't want the help.
"When are you leaving?" he asked next time he got a free moment with her.
"Tomorrow."
"T…" His eyes bugged wide, "TOMORROW?!"
Was it just him or did the corner of her mouth quiver a bit? Just a bit. A little twitch down and back again. Though it had happened so fast he honestly wasn't sure if he'd made it up. But… if he had seen correctly… why had it seemed so much like guilt?
"Yes, tomorrow," she snapped back, turning once again to wait on another table. "So you're going to have to man the floor by yourself for once, okay?"
Out of nowhere he found himself reaching out and grabbing her arm, "No. I'm coming with you."
A silent beat passed between them.
"Sanji!" Strauss hissed, gesturing with her head towards the hordes of eagerly watching customers, "Can we do this later?"
"But when is later?" He insisted. "You're obviously beating yourself up over something, and while I don't mind if you want to go and deal with it on your own, but you can't just expect me to sit back while I'm worrying about you like this."
"And that is why I told you not to worry-"
"Well tough 'cause I am."
Crunch crunch crunch…
Sanji clenched a fist. God he wanted to throttle the person who suggested adding popcorn to the menu! And by the look on her face, so did Strauss. Twisting his grip so that she was the one holding him, she all but dragged him up the central stairwell and out of sight.
"Okay-" She rounded on him- "You'd better have a good reason why you bought that up in front of all the other customers. It's not like you." Her face softened slightly, "I know you haven't been sleeping well. Do you need a break?"
Yeah but it's mostly your fault.
As if he could really say that. But… he couldn't deny that he was tired. Exhausted even. He'd spent all of his free time possible searching through every newspaper he could get his hands on. Any scrap of information from three years ago or earlier. But nothing. He was getting nothing.
Instead, he just hung his head, "Yeah… sorry. I wasn't thinking."
Liar. If anything he was thinking too much. His mind was constantly whirring, constantly buzzing, constantly theorising… It was like his head couldn't rest, not even for a moment. And it was draining.
She didn't believe him. He could tell from that look on her face. "You sure? Since I'm sure Manager Zeff'll let you take a day off if you want."
"No no no no!" He waved his hands frantically. A break was the last thing he wanted. He was behind on enough as it was. "I really am fine. You don't need to worry about me!"
She snorted, "Hypocrite."
"What?"
"You worry all the time about me, but won't let me worry over you? Talk about a double standard."
Sanji blanched, "...that's different."
"Why? Because you're a gentleman?"
"No, because I care about you!"
"And I care about you! So what?"
"And I'm only this tired because I'm worried about you," he snapped, already preparing himself for the next retort that would be inevitably fired back at him.
But, to his surprise, it never happened.
Instead Strauss' face seemed to falter, morphing into something… far more conflicted than he'd ever seen on her before. She took a step back from him, moving to lean against the opposite wall.
"Of course you do..."
She had mumbled it so quietly that he had to strain his ears just to pick it up. And honestly, he didn't even think it had been meant for him. It sounded like it was more… to convince herself than anything.
Eventually, after what had felt like an eternity to Sanji, Strauss slowly glanced up to meet his eyes, "I hope you realise that I'm not…planning to go out and have a fun old time tomorrow. Like I don't… I don't want to do this."
He looked at her softly, forcing himself to crinkle into a sad smile. "I know."
But he didn't. Not really. Why was she deliberately going to a place that would only cause her pain? He had wanted to do that searching behind her back for that very reason. Memories came flooding back to him, completely unbidden.
A cold iron helmet clamped around his head.
Curling up into a ball to hide from a barrage of attacks that came on him from all sides.
His mother's smile, so bright yet so weary.
Who would want to force themselves to confront that sort of agony?
"Sanji?"
He blinked, dislodging the memories back into the dark corners they came from, "Yeah?"
"Well…" Strauss chewed on her lip, face tight with concentration, "You know how I said that you couldn't come with me just now? D… do you mind if I take that back?"
His heart started performing somersaults in his chest. "YES! Oh… wait... " BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP! "I mean, NO! I don't mind! Like yes I want to come… I don't mind in the slightest! That is if you want me to… But if you're asking me then of course you want me to… ha ha ha..."
Oh you absolute idiot!
"Pfft." Any nerves he had left just melted away at Strauss' face split into a wide smile. "Come on, it isn't that big a deal y'know. It's just a day trip. I didn't know you wanted to go so badly!"
He really didn't. But… he was just happy she was smiling again. He didn't mind making a fool of himself if it made her feel better. Anything… he'd do anything… As long as it could make her laugh.
"Right," she nudged his arm, and he couldn't hide the wave of butterflies that rushed through him at the touch, "We should head back down. The customers'll be waiting. We've been up here for ages already."
Sanji couldn't help but smirk, "And who's fault is that?"
"Yours."
"Mine?!" He turned only to see her already start disappearing down the stairs. " Hey! I don't remember dragging myself up here!"
She rolled her eyes back over her shoulder, "Well you were the one being an idiot."
"Me?! Say that to my face!"
"I just did."
"No, properly to my face!"
The customers chuckled amongst themselves, many reaching for another handful of popcorn. While watching them fight was entertaining, there was something far more amusing about how they were so oblivious at times. Well, that or how far they still had to grow up. For some of the older customers at least, who could fondly reminisce about those times themselves.
She was really doing this huh…
Strauss stared ahead at the island looming out of the morning mist. It was quite a journey, so both she and Sanji had been forced to get up far earlier than the rest of the Baratie. Which, if she was being honest, was probably for the best.
It left her no option to back out.
"Here."
She took the steaming bowl without argument. The salty breeze was bracing enough as it was, and would only get colder the further north they went. She'd be a fool not to accept any warmth that she was offered.
Even if… her stomach was full of roiling lead.
"You should eat." Sanji settled down next to her, the strands of his fringe twisting and twirling in the light wind. "It'll help you feel better."
She didn't want to feel better. If anything she wanted this unease and discomfort to linger. It would make what would come next so much less… wrong. But she couldn't exactly do this on an empty stomach either. So she ate, the porridge practically scalding her mouth with each spoonful.
Now the lead was hot.
"Thanks for the food." She moved to take the bowl back inside, only for Sanji to whisk it out of her hands.
"No, you let me do that." He gave her arm a slight nudge. "You just… Prepare us for mooring… Get the ropes ready and stuff...okay?"
"Yeah." She glanced down. The ropes were already laid out for mooring. Perfectly in place. "Okay."
What was she doing here? No really. What was she doing here. She didn't belong on this island. She never had, not even when she was a child. So why was she coming back?
Honestly she had no idea. There was something within her that just seemed… to call her? It wasn't a pleasant feeling. Like something was chaining her to this place, not letting her stray too far without choking her around the waist. She had tried to cut it. To slice and saw her way through the links. But it never worked. All she ever ended up doing was hurting herself and by extension those around her.
She had seen Sanji's face after she'd cried. It… it ripped her heart out. There was something so wrong about seeing him that defeated, that concerned. And it had been because of her. Her lack of control over her own emotions had led to him getting hurt. Which she would never let happen again.
So here she was. Checking out what exactly was chaining her here. So she could never, never, let Sanji see her like that again. Even if it killed her.
The island rose up towards her, almost exactly as she'd left it. The snow was already beginning to melt, revealing dark mountains standing behind a scattering of villages. As pretty as a picture. At least to outsiders it could be.
Her lips curled upwards, but for once… it was without joy or amusement. Instead it felt hollow, even as it dug deeper into her gut.
"Hello Zhelesk."
A/N
Heyooo! We're back, and with a real update this time! Yaaaay! This has been something that's been building for some time now, from before this fic was even born in fact, so I hope I do it justice in the next update. And, in even more exciting news. Last Wednesday (the 12th of May) was One Step Behind's ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I know. I'm shocked too. It's already been an entire year... I can't believe it. It makes no sense.
I kinda want to celebrate, but I have no idea what with. I can do a series of shorts... but I'm not sure that really feels special enough. So I'm going to go for PROMPTS! The very first comment I see on each of the four sites I post this fic on ( Fanfic . net, Ao3, Quotev, and Wattpad) will be one of the four scenarios I write for a bonus chapter that will be popping up... at some point. Not after this update (because I really want to keep the tension going) but there is a very specific spot that will be perfect for this. Trust me. It's going to be awesome. So get writing! I want to see your prompts!
Many thanks to everyone who showed up on Friday btw, the support really meant a lot. I'm going to keep on streaming every Friday at 16.00 BST, so if you missed the last stream feel free to pop over to twitch ( /SagiDraconis. I can't type the whole link bc Fanfic . net sucks) and say hi. It means a lot! Seriously! We have a fun time. And even if you don't have twitch you can pop on over to the new Discord server ( discord . gg / zfEwbyra3J) (and yes. Minus the spaces). We have a good few laughs over there, and I'd love to properly chat with everyone about stuff. Plus you can bug me for ideas. I'm always up for bouncing things off each other.
Thank you so much for reading guys. You're awesome, each and every one of you, and I really hope you all stay safe and happy. You deserve it. Trust me :)