A/N: Welcome back to the next installment! Congratulations if you're still here after all the absurdity of the story so far; it only gets worse as the story progresses.

MarioFan2867: Thanks for your review, it's always encouraging to hear that someone enjoys my story. SMG2 has been my favorite Mario game since I first played it, and I think it always will be. 3D World gave it a run for its money, but couldn't quite match it.

I do not own Super Mario.

Chapter 6: Least of the Three Evils

Overnight, my list of grievances against Lubba increased once more when I awoke to a noise that sounded like a bomb going off in his room.

13. Sleep-farts extremely loudly.

So you can understand me being eager to get away from him in the morning. Unfortunately, after breakfast when I went up to the helm, I remembered that the only place I could go was the volcano galaxy. So I was faced with a dilemma. I could a) stay here with Lubba and his loud and proud farts, b) return to the Sky Station Galaxy to see where the heck the other Star Coins were (and apparently there isn't a third mission there), or c) brave the volcano. Choice B was out because I didn't know if I'd have to hear that Luma's stupid spiel again, and I have very little self-control when it comes to punching people or creatures; more importantly, though, I was in no mood to fight IP again. So now it was either Lubba or…decision made, the volcano.

And thus began my ill-fated journey to the Yoshi Star Galaxy. The only available mission was titled "Saddle up with Yoshi," which temporarily got me excited because Yoshi is one of the few characters I've met on my journeys who has never severely aggravated me, but I should have known that the mission would go sideways fast.

The trouble began as soon as I arrived at the Starting Planet's first area, which was outlined in either huge rocks or huge dinosaur bones. Two of them I knew for certain were dinosaur bones: a femur or something, and a skull. Despite the upbeat music, I started to go paranoid because this place had an air of a dinosaur graveyard, and I feared the huge volcano I saw on the far end of the planet while approaching it (yes, the galaxy icon volcano is real) was to blame. If that thing erupts while I'm here….

I sat down and stared into the dinosaur skull's eye sockets. The skull seemed to be telling me something, but I couldn't tell what. It looked sad and I wanted to pet it to comfort it, but then remembered hearing somewhere that you should never touch a dead wild animal and eventually moved on.

A few Piranha Plants and Octoombas later, I arrived at a springboard and used said springboard to bounce up a cliff to the main planet.

Oh no.

KAMEK WAS HERE!

How?! Kamek only appears in castle levels! He shot a blast from his scepter, which created one of those ugly, greyish-brown Goombas that look a bit like Galoombas in terms of shape. It ran at me but I Star-Spun into it, revealing the other reason why I despise them: they only give me one Star Bit when Star-Spun instead of three, like a regular Goomba does.

Kamek teleported away, but he's so easy to trace because the orb of light he turns into remains visible. I followed him, and as soon as he reappeared, I jumped on him and turned him into a coin. As soon as he disappeared, so did a pink, translucent dome around a nearby Yoshi egg. But the egg was surrounded by a moat of Luma poop/Banzai Bill vomit. But…what? I didn't see either of them nearby! So what the heck was it this time? There was quite a bit of it around the planet…oh gosh, was it Yoshi poop? It does look awfully similar to what was all over my house in Item #5 on my Disgusting Memories List from Chapter 2. But…Yoshi hadn't hatched yet, so…what the flip? Whatever.

I long-jumped over the Yoshi poop and landed next to Yoshi's egg, then Star-Spun into it to break it open. Next came something I've always had a problem with: why does Yoshi hatch from his egg full-grown?! Or maybe he isn't full-grown, but then…shudder, he would be huge in his full-grown form!

Next, Yoshi introduced himself to me and said how happy he is to be free. Why did he introduce himself to me like we've never met before?! He always does this when I meet him in a new quest for the first time. I sighed with confusion and jumped on his back. Then he warbled, "So, Mario, where do you want to go?" A second ago he doesn't know me and now he magically knows my name? Would it kill the universe to make a bit of sense for once?

I looked around the planet and saw a tall hill in the distance with a Star Coin atop it. "Yoshi, go to that hill!" I pointed. These Star Coins weren't gonna one-up me this time! Then again, why do I even collect Star Coins? I always need all of them to unlock, like, some special world at the end of the game or something, but I don't care about that. I just do the bare minimum that's required to rescue Peach and kick Bowser's butt.

Yoshi warbled again and ran towards the hill. Once we arrived, I said, "Yoshi, flutter-jump!" He did so and, at the peak of his jump, I dismounted and leapt atop the hill to grab the Star Coin. I jumped back onto Yoshi and – EEW! One of those creepy bugs that frequented the Honeyhive Galaxy in my first galactic adventure was nearby, and once he saw me he started flying away, either crying or spitting as he did so. All I know is that some sort of liquid comes from their faces whenever they fly.

"AAH!" I screamed in terror upon seeing the insect. "YOSHI, KILL IT! KILL IT!"

Yoshi ate the bug, and then – you're not gonna believe this – farted out three Star Bits. Um, yeah, I'm not touching those. If he had spit them out I would consider it, but there was no way in heck I was collecting Star Bits that had been up Yoshi's butt.

A few planets and one volcanic eruption later (yes, the volcano erupted as me and Yoshi flew away from it; I guess we got out of there just in time), we arrived at a planet that gave off the glow of a Power Star. And waiting for us was our welcoming party of a Paragoomba. Memories of the Paragoomba Incident flitted through my mind like poisonous butterflies. This day was going horribly so far. First Lubba's fart-bomb in the middle of the night, then that creepy bug, then me getting splattered with the insides of a giant, orange, Launch Star-containing fruit at the end of the Starting Planet, and now a Paragoomba.

As we prepared to go to the "second floor" of the planet, what was dangling in our way but a SCUTTLEBUG! "NOT A SPIDER! I'M SCARED OF SPIDERS!" I screamed like a perfectly reasonable person.

Yoshi warbled, "It's not even a spider. It has six legs, not eight."

What, and he thinks I care?!

I gave the dangling Scuttlebug the evil eye and steered Yoshi past it since, while they may terrify me, Scuttlebugs are not nearly as mobile as the "Grossbugs" from the Starting Planet.

After using a ridiculously strong flower to haul us to the "second floor" of the planet, we dodged another Scuttlebug and got on some sort of wooden lift that carried us across a drop back to the "first floor." But once we got on the raft, another GOSH DANG SCUTTLEBUG dropped down in front of us and (almost literally) scared the poop out of me, though it did (literally) scare the pee out of me. I flipped out and accidentally steered Yoshi right into the swaying menace. I fell off Yoshi and lost a wedge of health, while Yoshi started running around and whining. Why does he always do this? Why does he always flip out when I get knocked off him? He doesn't flip out when I just dismount him, and he doesn't have any Health-O-Meter that can get depleted – not one I know of, leastways.

I got up, ignoring the Scuttlebug looking at me with its creepy, yellow, mocking eyes. Yoshi finally stopped running, but then looked around as though he was about to take a dump and was making sure nobody was looking. What was up with that? Taking this opportunity, I leapt back on him and continued past the Scuttlebug.

After two more rides on wooden lifts, this time vertical ones, Yoshi and I reached a ledge the Power Star was on, encased in a crystal. Before I even had a chance to try Star-Spinning into it, Yoshi banged his head into it instead. What the heck, dude? Are you trying to concuss yourself?

After attacking the crystal again, we used a few more flowers to haul us up to the place the newly freed Power Star flew to. But in all the flipping around between the flowers, Yoshi pooped. Aha! So he did need to go when he was looking around suspiciously! And Yoshi's projectile was headed right for the Paragoomba at the start of the planet. Ha HA! Look out, Paragoomba! You're about to be bombed by Yoshi the Butt-29 Flying Fart-ress! The poop splattered onto the Paragoomba and he lost his wings, falling into the gap in the planet that he was flying over. Oh man, that was funny. So then Yoshi and I grabbed the Power Star, having ended the mission on a high note.