A/N: Welcome back! Here's the start of World 2, with Mario heading to the Puzzle Plank Galaxy after some more craziness with Lubba.

I do not own Super Mario.

Chapter 20: A Disgusting Discovery

As Starship Mario emerged on the other side of the Grand Star portal, I got my first look at World 2. And it was…well, it was about what I imagined.

A steaming load of Poochy turds.

The only galaxy available from the get-go (not "from the gecko," as half the populace of the Mushroom Kingdom incorrectly and moronically says) looked like a block of wood. What the heck was this, the Shop Class Galaxy? Call me a wimp, but I'll take Home Ec., thank ya very much. I am all too aware of the dangers surrounding the use of saws (*gives the side-eye to every Grinder that's ever cut me*).

Next up was a choice between a galaxy that looked like it was filled with Boulders (ugh), something that looked like a waterfall (I'm wary of serene-looking locations). Then past that were three choices: a jungle filled with balloons and a rainbow (wary again); something that might have been either a bowling ball or a fishbowl (?); and then, surprise, surprise, another Hungry Luma. All of that nonsense culminated at another castle. Probably Bowser this time. I hate him more than Bowser Jr., but if there's one thing I'll give him, it's that he at least has the balls to fight me himself. Probably 'cause Junior hasn't grown his balls yet. Ooh, BUUUURN!

Lubba suddenly decided I had given him permission to open his mouth again and said, "Wow. Take a look at that! We found an entirely new world!" No kidding, Sherlock! What did you think we were gonna find on the other side of this portal? For that matter, several seconds ago, he just said something like, "Ooh, hoo hoo, looky at that! A new world! An unidentified part of me is jiggly-jiggling thinking about it!"

And then he had even MORE to say.

31. Never. Stops. Talking!

"Looks like there should be plenty of Power Stars here. Go ahead – we're all counting on you, Captain!"

I would very much like to see how eager he is to hear a spiel like that were he the one going out and collecting these Power Stars and getting killed over and over, and then he came back here and I was all like, "Way to go! I'm counting on you! Gosh dang it, I'm sleepy!" He doesn't have a right to be sleepy; I have a right to be sleepy!

Well, I was gonna wait until tomorrow to deal with this next batch of stupidity the universe had in store for me. Because today, I had to fix my clothes. I honestly can't believe Junior didn't have some wisecrack to offer about my pink gloves. Unless he just didn't see them given that he never got too close to me, but that would just be a stroke of luck. Luck does not strike twice with me; never has, never will. So guaranteed someone in the Shop Class Galaxy would see my attire and have some snide snark about it ready to fire.

So I threw my gloves and socks in Starship Mario's washer along with a heaping dose of stain-fighting Boxy-Clean (don't ask me what the heck its name is supposed to mean).

Did the Boxy-Clean help?

NOOOOOOOOPE!

Did the Boxy-Clean make my situation worse?

YEEEEEEEEP!

You see, the pink color in my socks that got washed away by the Boxy-Clean was washed away right into my gloves, whose original staining didn't even appear to have come out at all. So now my gloves were magenta and my socks, on which the Boxy-Clean hadn't even 100% worked, were pale rose. And Toads talk about Boxy-Clean like it's the best thing ever!

Moreover, if the Boxy-Clean was gonna do a half-assed job, why couldn't it have messed things up the other way around? So my gloves were pale rose and my socks, which nobody else even flippin' sees, were magenta?!

So now I guessed it was time to scour Starship Mario for an extra pair of gloves. After looking everywhere else, against my better judgment, I decided to head to Lubba's room. I'm not even sure why, because any "gloves" he might've had would've probably just been triangular pieces of fabric cut to fit over the ends of his appendages.

Ten minutes later, my snooping had gotten me nowhere, and I just had Lubba's dresser and closet left to look through. Dresser first. I pulled open the top drawer and found a journal, along with several vials containing various materials. I decided to take a detour from my original mission and look through his journal for any information I could find to potentially blackmail him into SHUTTING THE HECK UP down the road.

The journal turned out to be exceedingly both boring and stupid. It was not a journal of his innermost thoughts and feelings (innermost for him probably being, like, half an inch below the surface, and I'm being generous), but a journal of mysteries he has encountered around Starship Mario. And the most recent installment was, you guessed it, "The Case of the Mystery Pee." This was stupid, and I seriously considered torching the journal, but I really wanted my snooping to go unnoticed.

Now for the vials…. I picked one up and investigated it. The fluid inside it was yellow, and I saw a label on it: "CMP-E01." What the flip was that supposed to mean? That sounded like the name of some fancy energy drink or something. I uncorked the vial and sniffed the liquid inside, and then yelled, "YUCK!"

It was URINE!

What the HELL, Lubba?!

In my horror, I dropped the vial, and it shattered all over the floor. Yuck, now there was a urine stain on the floor! Why the flying flip would Lubba do this?! And moreover, what the heck did "CMP-E01" mean?!

Wait a second….

My eyes flew to the journal, which was still lying open. "The Case of the Mystery Pee"…. If you take out the words "the" and "of," its acronym would be "CMP." E01…Exhibit 01? Are you flipping kidding me?! Lubba kept an "exhibit" of that?!

DISGUSTING!

Suddenly, I heard Lubba call, "Mario, was that you I heard scream?" His voice was getting closer; he must have been coming down the hall towards his cabin.

"Uh…yeah," I said. "There was a…a Scaredy Rat in your cabin, but I killed it. Don't come in, it's messy." I kicked the door shut.

"You got rid of it?!" Lubba exclaimed. "Let me see; I've wanted to catch that thing for ages!"

…So there actually was a Scaredy Rat on Starship Mario? Geesh, truth is stranger than fiction.

"Uh…no, Lubba, don't come in, I'm…indecent!" I called.

"Oh, that's okay, I see myself naked all the time," Lubba said, opening the door.

32. Doesn't respect the privacy of others.

The door opened and Lubba gasped, "Wha-? Where's the Scaredy Rat? And…you said you were indecent. And…were you looking through my journal?"

No point in denying it, so I might as well whittle some barbs out of it then. "You can hardly even call it a journal. And really? You kept a sample of my urine? That is disgusting!"

"Wait, so you were behind the Case of the Mystery Pee?"

Uh….

…hmm.

Why don't I ever just keep my stupid mouth shut?

"I can't believe you!" Lubba continued.

Alright, it was time to go out to the fields and scoop up a big, steaming load of B.S. "Well…your behavior of late has caused me to…suspect you of…mutinous intentions. And when a captain fears a mutiny," my load of manure was marvelously taking shape, "he has every right to go through the quarters of his subordinates to search for proof of said mutiny." Let's see your comeback to that, Lubba!

"…You're not captain!" he stupidly said.

33. Liar!

Wow, I knew he was no great debater or anything, but…that was pathetic even for him. "Uh, as I recall, you made me captain."

"Well, then, I revoke your captainship."

"Subordinates can't revoke a captain's authority, you fool. That has to come from higher up the chain of command."

"Well, then I want to speak to your manager."

Where in the heck was his brain?! I decided to temporarily lay off on the attacks in favor of ending this dumb exchange as soon as possible. "I have found no signs of any intentions of a mutiny on your part, so…yeah. As you were."

Lubba tried to scowl but just looked constipated. I pushed my way past him and back up to the helm, my quest for gloves unsuccessful. So, I guess I would be going on my adventures barehanded for now, because no gloves is better than magenta gloves.

But first, I just had to know something else. I headed to the small library inside Starship Mario, and pulled The Complete Atlas of the Universe off the shelves. I just had to know for certain if Bowser had seriously parked the Fiery Flotilla in orbit of the Mushroom Planet. I mean, Bowser's stupid, but (to my knowledge) not that stupid.

I looked through the atlas, but none of the galaxies I had gone to so far were in it. Then I realized why: the atlas was written in 2005. None of the galaxies Bowser had just created – heck, none of the galaxies he created back in my first galactic adventure – existed yet, so they wouldn't be there.

But if there's anything I learned from looking through there, it's that Bowser is a horrible namer. I mean, seriously. He comes up with garbage like the Spin-Dig Galaxy and the Flip-Swap Galaxy. Even the BOMKS comes up with lame names half the time, i.e. Fuzzies. As someone who has been HIT by Fuzzies, they are NOT fuzzy. Has anyone on the BOMKS been hit by Fuzzies (or, as I initially called them, Icky-Splats)? I think not. But seriously, there were so many cool names in this atlas. The Celestial Spring Galaxy. A star called Proxima Centoadi. A planet named Zenith, which even though it didn't appear to be the zenith of anything, was still a cool name.

Well, that was that. I shelved the atlas and headed back up to the helm. Time to stop procrastinating and finally head to the lame-looking Shop Class Galaxy.