Kate's Investigation
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: A thorough investigation shows I do not own Castle. Rating: K Time: After my story, Kates' Run.
"No?" Andi asked.
"No." Irina giggled.
"You don't want to go home?"
"No. Not that." She giggled again.
"No what, then?" Andi asked, getting a little confused.
"No. Not Irina." She giggled once more. "I'm Alicia."
"You're Alicia, Duchess of Hermes?"
She just giggled some more.
"Who's back at your cottage?"
"Irina."
"The woman back at the cottage isn't the Duchess of Hermes?"
"Nope. That's me."
"We should take the long way back to the cottage." Gigi said. "That's give her time to clear her head and decide who she is."
It took ten minutes before they got back to the cottage. They used the key that Irina/Alicia had to let themselves in.'
The other woman was sitting, reading.
"What is the meaning of this?" She demanded. "What have you done to my maid."
"Your maid says she's really the Duchess of Hermes and that you're Irina Borodin."
"That's absurd. She must be drunk."
"Perhaps, but we're investigating a murder and something very suspicious is going on here and we intend to get to the bottom of it."
"That's absurd. We had nothing to do with the murder. I demand you leave at once."
Irina/Alicia spoke.
"That's all right, Irina. They should know."
"All right, Alicia."
"Let me get this straight." Andi said. "The one everyone thinks is the Duchess' maid is really the Duchess, and the Duchess is…who?"
"My very best friend and my lady in waiting, Lady Irina Borodin." Alicia said.
"I'd like an explanation."
"Certainly. Please sit down." Alicia said.
"A bit of background is in order." Alicia said. "I was seventeen when my father, the duke, passed away. Within a year my two idiot older brothers had killed themselves racing extra-atmospheric flyers. I was eighteen and the Duchess of Hermes. I was totally unprepared for the role. Everyone had assumed my two brothers, and their heirs would inherit."
"Being the Duchess of Hermes isn't easy for a teenager. To begin with, we get endless trade missions or other diplomatic missions to Hermes because of our position on the trade routes. Of course, we must have a state banquet. You'd think the food at state banquet would be the best and sometimes it is. But we have to cater to the tastes of our guests. Food from El Dorado is so spicy it feels like you're eating napalm. But, as a good Duchess, I have to eat it all and smile. At the other end of the food spectrum is the food our Inuit friends, from Nunavut, like, whale blubber. I hate it. But…"
She shrugged.
"Then everyone has to go to the Ducal Opera House to see a performance of the famous opera, The Rise of Hermes." Good God! Does anyone really think that Duke Peter the Great fought Michael the Rebel with swords? While singing? I've seen the damned thing so many times I know the opera better than the singers."
"Other people have worse problems." Andi said, thinking of herself and Gigi.
"I know. I know. But this is something I have to put up with. "
"And if it isn't some delegation, I have to review the Brigade of Guards, or lay a wreath at the War Memorial, or open parliament, or something else. Oh, and all of these requires a long, incredibly boring speech from me."
"When I asked for a little more me time, the court was shocked. "Impossible.", they said. "You must carry on, Your Grace."."
"But, with the help of my dear friend, Irina, and the Ducal Physician, I suddenly started having horrible migraine headaches. That reminds me, I must find a way to reward Pietro, my physician. I can't make him a noble or something since he isn't able to cure my "migraines", but I'll think of something."
"Anyway, I'd get a nice convenient migraine a couple of times a month and I'd shut myself up in my rooms with just Irina. We'd read books, play games and sometimes just do nothing. Absolutely nothing. But I wanted more."
"This is your more?" Andi asked.
"It's the first real vacation I've had since I became the Duchess of Hermes."
"But why did you change places with Lady Irina and say she was your maid?" Andi asked.
"Well, if I'm out partying and word gets back to Hermes, no one is going to believe that I suffer from debilitating migraines. Plus, if it got out that I was here and not too sick to do anything, all of the people who come to Hermes wanting a tax break or lower docking fees or some other damned thing would rush to see me here and I'd be in the same pickle I was back on Hermes. But if the duchess' maid goes out to party, no one cares. After all, everyone "knows" that the poor maid has absolutely no influence on the duchess. Although we do have a parliament, I do have some power and a bit more influence with the government."
"So, you allow your lady in waiting to berate you?"
"Allow?" Alicia said and laughed. "I've thought up her best lines. The one where she says the duchess would have been better off having her people bring a pig back to the ducal palace instead of the maid? That's mine."
"Not all of it's you, Alicia." Irina said. She reached beside her chair and brought up a riding crop and a pillow. She began beating the pillow with the riding crop.
"Oh, please Your Grace." Alicia moaned. "Please don't beat my bare bottom." Then Alicia began to cry.
"It took me months to find just the right pillow that sounds like I'm whacking her tight little ass with the riding crop."
"Well, I taught myself to cry on command." Alicia countered.
"All right." Andi said. "Do you have any connection with Mr. Fuzzy?"
"None at all." Said Alicia.
"Not me." Replied Irina.
"We'll have to check out your movements on Threeday, but I'm inclined to believe you're innocent."
"Do you have any good leads on the murderer?" Alicia asked.
"I'm not prepared to discuss the case."
"Which means there is probably a murderer out there. Can we get protection?"
"My cousin and I are on the case as well as Sergeant Tolan. I'm afraid Constable Demming has been fired and he'd be useless against…anyone."
"I can stay here tonight." Gigi said. "At least you'll be safe for the night."
"Wonderful." Alicia said.
Andi wasn't sure about that, but Alicia had already accepted Gigi's offer. Andi made sure that Gigi had her weapon and her phone. Andi told her to call at once if anything out of the ordinary occurred.
Back at her cottage, Andi saw the book that they had been given by Becker, the political theorist. She'd tried to read it to see if there might be in some secret code or had anything at all useful. She found it not only colossally boring, but very confusing. Becker didn't seem to believe that the whole concept of property didn't actually exist in one place and then defined property as the entire physical mass of the universe in another place. She remembered that her laptop had a function to review printed works and analyze them. She set up the proper computer program, set it to work and decided to go to bed.
Gigi came in the next morning as Andi was having her morning coffee.
"They deliver coffee?" Gigi asked.
"Apparently they do if you're investigating a crime."
"Do they deliver breakfast?"
"I didn't ask."
Gigi promptly got on the phone and ordered two substantial breakfasts to be delivered to them.
"Were there any problems last night?" Andi asked.
"None at all. But you have no idea how flexible the duchess is."
"Flexible?"
"Yeah, she can lift her legs and then…"
"You had sex with the duchess?"
"And with Lady Irina. She's not as flexible as the duchess, but she has a very dirty imagination. You know, you should try letting loose now and again. It'd do you a world of good."
"Sorry. I keep worrying about how to keep the two of us from getting a bullet in the back of the head." Andi said acidly.
"Sorry. I really appreciate what you've done for me. I'd probably be dead if it weren't for you."
"Don't worry about it. We're a team. Partners."
The conversation ended when the breakfasts arrived.
"Who are we supposed to see today?" Gigi asked, finishing her huevos rancheros.
"The Thrends. There are three of them. They're extraterrestrials and I can't say I know much about them."
Gigi noticed that Andi's computer had a blinking light.
"I think your computer is trying to tell you something."
"Oh, I set to analyze Becker's book. I couldn't make heads or tails out of it. It probably just in indicating it's done."
But Andi went to check the computer.
"Okay, I was wrong. The computer did find something. The first 142 pages of Becker's work is a word for word copy from a late 21st century Marxist theoretician named Cabrillo. The next 209 pages are copies of some neo-anarchist's work from ten years ago on Earth." Andi reviewed the computer record. "Hell, he copied every word of "his" works."
"He's a plagiarist?" Gigi said.
"More than that I'll bet. Get your pistol and your lock pick. We'll go visit Mr. Becker and we won't be knocking on his door."
Gigi very carefully opened the door to Becker's cottage. He was busy and didn't see them for a moment.
"Aha! The Cossacks have come to smash the voice of the people. Do your worst. You cannot silence the masses."
Andi smiled coldly.
"No, but we can keep you from plagiarizing other peoples' works as your own."
Becker reached for something in his desk's drawer.
"You'd better be very, very good if that's a gun you're reaching for. We're both highly trained professionals."
Okay, Gigi is a highly trained professional, just not at shooting people.
Becker moved his hand back.
"Stand up, face away from me and put your hands behind your back."
Andi cuffed him, and then sat him in a chair that was far from the computer.
"Gigi, check his desk drawer and then see if you can figure out what he's actually doing."
Gigi found a handgun and handed it to Andi.
"A Martian Metals 11mm. You're well prepared for any Cossacks who come your way."
"You can't prove a thing. I've done nothing wrong." Becker growled.
"We'll see about that."
Gigi worked on the computer for ten minutes, then smiled.
"I've got it. Our revolutionary's a hacker."
"Can you tell who he's trying to hack?"
"No, he hasn't had any luck yet. But it's someone with a really spectacular anti-hacking program."
"One person comes to mind." Andi said.
She called Mrs. Lee and in seconds she arrived at the cottage. Andi explained what they had found.
"I knew someone was trying to hack my computer, but I couldn't figure out who it was. Becker is very good."
"I deny everything. And I don't believe that Trelawney has gotten around to making computer hacking a crime even if I was doing something like that."
"Andi, dear, do you mind if I talk to your prisoner?"
"Go ahead, Mrs. Lee."
Mrs. Lee sat across form Becker.
"You know I'm very rich, don't you?"
Becker nodded.
"I could make things very difficult for you."
Becker looked around and sighed.
"The people who hired me are very rich and they can make things very hard for me."
"Yes, but I'm right here, right now. I'm sure Trelawney and the Saint James Company would be happy to put you in prison for…Oh, say twenty years? The colony of Toulouva has a fine little penal colony right on the equator. They get blistering sun for half the year and monsoon rains the other half. I hear the food and medical care isn't even up to the Saint James Resort's standards. Do you really think your employers would try to rescue you?
Mrs. Lee smiled.
"On the other hand, if you were to cooperate and tell me everything you know, I could send you on your way with a million UK pounds in your pocket. I'm sure a man of your skills can find a new ID and someplace to go where you're not known."
"How do I know that you won't double cross me?"
"Really. If I became known for double crossing people, I'd be in big trouble. We'll just have to trust each other."
"What do you want to know?"
TBC