Summary: There will be 31 days of mayhem, but I'm not sure there will be 31 actual stories. That would require more brain than Corvus has.

Beta Love: Dragon and the Cold Water Bottle Torture, Dutchgirl01 the Busiest Bee that Ever Buzzed, Commander Shepard the Winter Soldier

A/N: Each story will be a separate chapter to feed my laziness and desire not to post that many new stories for the same event.

Lies

History is a set of lies agreed upon.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Prompt: "I love you." "Liar."

"I love you."

Hermione's lips pursed together. "Liar."

"It's what you want to hear, isn't it?" Ronald said, his lips pursed. "It's what every witch wants to hear, innit right?"

"Only if they mean it. And if it's mutual."

Ron frowned. "What do you mean? I mean it."

"Ronald, the only thing you truly love is Quidditch and chicken wings," Hermione scoffed. "And the brotherly splendour you wallow in when you get Harry to see things your way. The publicity. The spotlight that makes you into a hero. That's not for me."

"So you want a baby, right? I can give you babies."

Hermione's face twisted at that. "What? No, I don't want a baby."

"Whut? Why not! It's perfectly natural for a witch to want babies!"

"I couldn't, even if I wanted to," Hermione said, one eyebrow arching meaningfully.

"Sure you could, you just have to chill out for once—" Ron said confidently.

Hermione set down the piece of carnelian she was carving and glared at him. "Ronald, I have zero interest in your cock, your genes, your excuses, or your professions of false love. I have no need of fame or pictures of myself on your arm to be displayed in front of the masses. Find someone else to be your arm decoration. A willing one."

"And you, Lady Sanguini Snape—" a voice purred as a dark shadow blotted out the light in the room. "Do you have zero interest in my cock, my genes, my excuses, and my professions of eternal love?"

Snape towered over her, his pale pianist's fingers sprawling across her face as he leaned forward.

"And what excuse could you possibly give me to excuse your absence?" Hermione said breathlessly.

"We found your Lethifold," Sanguini said with a gallant gesture, throwing it across her shoulders with a flourish and a fanged smile. "To make our appeal official."

"It took some time to convince him that you were real—apparently our memories of you had to match up lest you be—mythological."

Hermione's body spasmed as the Lethifold settled upon her shoulders with a rush of bonding magic. Her eyes rolled back, and she went limp. Sanguini held her in a cradle of his arms as Severus covered her mouth with his even as Sanguini's fangs flashed and sought her artery—

Hermione let out a soft moan, her hands twitching slightly as Sanguini took one and Severus the other, intermingling their hands with hers as they switched, Severus going to her neck and Sanguini to her mouth. The two vampires pulled away with a low growl, each bringing their wrist to their mouth as they bit down and let the blood flow—each letting it trickle into her mouth simultaneously.

She suckled upon the offerings with a slow, sensual motion as the two vampires hissed, their fangs elongated in their pleasure before they exchanged a heated, crimson kiss of shared blood. She began to shake, and the two vampires crushed her between them, baring their teeth as their arms caged her within their embrace. She was shaking uncontrollably as all the blood seemed to drain from her complexion. Her mouth opened in a silent scream as her canines fell from her mouth only to be replaced by something longer and so much sharper as they unsheathed from her gums like a claw from a cat's paw.

Ron whimpered piteously as he watched her whisky eyes fill in with black, and the only colour that remained was a ring of bright crimson—the colour of fresh blood with a glowing light behind them. He felt the gut-twisting jerk of hunger from within her and her focus on the beat of his heart.

Snape held her fiercely, jerking her against his body as his claws gripped her back. "Easy—easy—the first lust for blood will soon abate. Easy. He deserves your fangs, but you do not deserve the resultant indigestion."

Hermione hissed fiercely, her body obviously disagreeing as she struggled against him, but Snape held her tightly until that wild hunger and insanity left her eyes and she went limp against him. He gently handed her over to Sanguini, who cradled her against him as he tucked the Lethifold around her in a swaddle.

Snape's crimson eyes bored into a whey-faced Ronald as he stood up straighter. In an instant, Sanguini disappeared with a silent Disapparate of mist.

"You owe me your life, Ronald Weasley, and for that boon, you will leave Hermione, myself, and Sanguini out of your life, your concern, and your meddling for the whole of your miserable life. Should you fail in this, your life will be mine, and I will deal with you as vampires do to those that piss them off. And I have been alive a long, long time and have a very long list of creative ideas that won't kill you but make you dearly wish you were. Am I clear?"

Ronald trembled and jerked his head.

Snape's smile was anything but kind, and he placed one finger to the tip of his fang so a single droplet of blood formed there. "Can you swear it aloud, or do I need to ensure it with blood?"

"Y-yes!" Ron practically squealed. "I swear it!"

Severus put the blood to his tongue and licked. "Good, now, I have a new wife to appease, and you—enjoy a very long WALK home."

Ron's body stiffened as he walked robotically off the grounds and away as Severus Disapparated with a CRACK like thunder.

"I'm so embarrassed," Hermione moaned, burying her face into Walter the Lethifold. "Ronald witnessed my Turning—and it was probably more sensual than he'd ever expected to see from me—ever."

"He won't be able to say anything," Severus assured her with a smile, his finger claw tenderly brushing the hair from her ear. "If he tries, he knows something infinitely worse than walking home from Scotland to Devon awaits him."

Hermione stared. "He's—walking home?"

Severus just shrugged. "He needed some time to cool off."

"That might take more than 'some' time," Hermione calculated in her head.

"Oh? Maths was never my strong suit," Severus claimed with a smirk.

Hermione poked a sharp talon to his chest. "Liar."

"It's true," Severus insisted. "I was not Turned for my skill in maths."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "But you're not bad at it."

"But it's not one of my specialties," Severus said with a smile.

Hermione sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Well, you did marry us," Sanguini noted. "I would recommend a long, pleasurable honeymoon with products of conception in our future—unless our genetic pool displeases you, our wife?"

Hermione smirked at them both. "You know it doesn't."

"I say we move to that nice seaside cottage you have wanted all your life," Severus suggested. "I may have bought it. Three centuries ago."

Hermione gawped at him. "Truly?"

Severus smiled smugly. "Would I lie to you?"

Hermione and her Lethifold gave him the same look.

He laughed. "It's true. I have my best potions setup there and an extensive library as well. Mihail has—unfortunately infested the rest with his atrocious fashion sense."

"I like his sense of colour and form," Hermione said.

"Tch," Severus said. "Black is simple."

"And boring," Sanguini said with puckered lips.

Hermione laughed and drew them both to her in a snuggle. "I love you."

Both Sanguini and Severus pressed their lips to her opposing temples as they Disapparated with a CRACK as Hermione squealed in startled surprise before they appeared on a secluded beachfront property far from the prying eyes or concerns of mortals.

And Ronald Weasley was still walking home—