Thanks for the reviews/follows/favourites. This will stick as much as possible to the long process that a recovery is.
Also I forgot to say: I own none of the characters or anything like that. That all belongs to CBS.
2
She continued to look at the three people sitting in front of her and sighed. "There isn't really much to do."
"Of course there is. We could-"
"What Morgan? Go for a walk, head to the supermarket, Go see a movie? That sounds great. Oh, that's right. No, I can't. Because I can't walk anywhere."
Morgan sympathetically tilted his head. "Just because you can't walk, doesn't mean that we can't do things we-"
"-could go somewhere, and I could get stared at A. not only because I will be in a wheelchair, but B. because I look like crap."
"JJ. You need to stop-"
"Stop what? Stop being real-"
"Stop interrupting for one thing. And no JJ, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. Yes, things are going to be different for a bit, but life doesn't have to stop. You can still do things."
"No I can't. "
Penelope thought it best to step in here, walking over towards JJ, sitting by her feet on the couch. "Sweetie. You-"
"Please." JJ looked at the three of them. "I just… I need space. I need to think. I just…" what she wanted to say was 'I want to just go to my room' but she couldn't bring herself to say that. In saying that, she'd be asking Derek to pick her up, and to take her to her room. And she wasn't going to verbally ask him to take her to her room. She couldn't do that either.
But she wanted to be alone. To be really alone. And to not have to put on a show for five minutes. She was tired and just wanted to be alone.
"You just what sweetie?"
"It doesn't matter."
"But it does matter. What were you going to say?"
Anger starting to build up, she snapped "I was going to say, I just want to be left alone. Happy?"
This set Penelope back. "Oh, I… I- well" she didn't know quite how to respond to that. That was not the JJ that she knew. It was not her at all. It was a bitter, angrier version.
Derek and Emily could see the hurt on Penelope's face. But as much as Derek could understand JJ's anger, he still couldn't stand to watch as she put that look on his Baby Girl's face, so he stepped in.
"Okay then, I'll take you to your room." It had sounded harsh coming from his mouth, though he hadn't meant it to be. It sounded as though he was talking to a child that had just had a temper tantrum and was now being sent to their room as a punishment.
JJ herself looked slightly surprised but nodded her head, keeping from making eye contact with anyone. Staying as distant as possible.
Morgan got up and walked over to her, picking her up and walking with her down the hall. He got to what he was told was the main room, her room, and walked in. It had a big queen size bed in it. He was about to place her down but asked "Do you want to be under the covers?" also trying to keep a certain amount of distance so that she could vent on her own.
"I can do it myself."
"It was just a question. I didn't say that you couldn't. I just asked if you would like to go under the covers. So do you?"
"No thanks." That was the end of their conversation.
He placed her down and turned making his exit. He shut her door and headed back to the lounge. Sitting he started "well that was…"
"Not JJ." Penelope finished, sadness tainting her voice.
Pulling her into a hug he told her "It's okay Pen. She'll be back to the JJ you know and love."
"I hope so."
"What about you Em? You haven't talked much. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine."
"Emily. We know very well that that is not true. Do you need me to get Reid on the phone to list the injuries you sustained?"
"No Morgan, it's fine. And, I guess, I'm… okay."
"Alright. Okay is better than fine. At least we know that you are being honest. But just remember Emily, just because JJ is hurt as bad as she is, you're hurt too. Recovery won't be an easy road for you either, but we're here for you too. We all are. Got it?"
"Yes Pen. I got it."
"Speaking of you Prentiss, you are due for medication."
"Ughhh. Morgan, I don't need it."
"Yes you do Prentiss. Doctor's orders. And as long as we are here together, and you have Garcia and I watching over you like hawks you will be taking it."
"Yes Dad."
"Hey don't be getting titchy with me missy." He told her with a smirk. "I'll just grab them for you."
"It's okay I can get them."
"Emily, you have stitches, skin grafts, bruised and cracked ribs, need I go on? My chocolate thunder can get you the pills and drink. And he'll get me one while he's at it." She said winking and sending air kisses at Morgan.
"Yes Ma'am."
Emily couldn't help but chuckle and then certainly regretted it afterwards.
"You okay sweets?"
"Fine, fine. Just remind me never to laugh again."
"Aw honey."
"Here you go Princess. So guys, I am going to make a run to the supermarket and grab stuff to stock the pantry okay? Is there anything special that you guys want or need?"
"Strawberry ice-cream."
"Pringles."
"Lollipops."
"Chocolate bars."
He looked between the two of them and then said "so basically just clear out the whole junk food aisle and we should be good?"
Looking at each other the two women replied simultaneously "Pretty much."
He was about to leave but then asked "What about JJ? Is there anything that she'd want?"
"Apricot ice-cream."
"And Cheetos. Lots and lots of Cheetos."
"Got it. I'll be back soon, call me if something happens or you need anything. I'll be back ASAP."
"On that my chocolate god."
"So Em, want to kill some time watching a movie?"
"Sure thing. What do you want to watch?"
"Ummmm. Well I was thinking The Devil Wears Prada."
"Great, I'd say 'I'll put it in' but I know you won't let me, so I'll let you do it."
"Ah, you learn quickly my friend."
Hunkering down together under a blanket, they settled in for their movie session.
JJ heard the door close and continued to lay still for a while. She wanted to get under the cover. She had to prove that she could do it. She used her good hand to push herself up so that she was in a sitting position. It hurt so bad and her ribs felt as though they were burning through her chest. She had to reach her good arm across her sore body to tug at the blanket on the other side of the bed.
She was pulling but it was tucked in well. She continued to pull. And again. And then it began to loosen, before finally it came loose. She kept pulling and with one last tug it was all the way back. Breathing in and out through gritted teeth, she began the process of slowly and carefully shuffling over.
She was on the verge of tears when she was finally in the right spot. Slowly lifting her right leg, she pushed it underneath the cover, followed by her left one. Except that that was more difficult. Her inability to bend her leg at the knee meant that she was whacking her foot into the cover trying to get it to go underneath. On the fourth attempt she got her foot under, but that didn't mean that the process in getting it there hadn't hurt her. Physically she was draining herself of energy. But she wasn't going to stop.
Reaching forward she was stifling moans of pain as she grabbed for the blankets which she succeeded in getting eventually. Pulling them over herself she looked up at the ceiling. And then the first tear fell.
Looking back and the clock she noticed that it had taken ten minutes to get under the covers. Ten damn minutes. If that didn't make her feel useless she didn't know what would. As she studied the ceiling above her she began to think. She knew that she shouldn't have spoken to Penelope that way. It was mean, and the hurt written across her face was easy to read. It really, really sucked that she had caused that pain. She would fix it, but right now she was going to sleep.
Waking up, she noticed that not much too time had passed. Except it was different. She felt different. Or should she say, she had a feeling. That same pressure you get when you need to go to the bathroom. And now, she felt more helpless than ever. She really needed to go.
So she breathed in, and out. 'Suck it up Jareau. Suck it up.'
"Guys…"
Nothing.
"Morgan…"
Nothing.
"Penelope, Emily…" she said slightly louder this time.
They had been watching the movie for a little while when Emily thought that she heard something.
"Pause it for a second Pen."
And then she heard JJ calling.
"Jayje is calling. She must need something. Come on, let's go"
"You wa-"
"I am not staying here."
Walking down the hallway Garcia yelled out that she was coming. JJ was very thankful for that.
Knocking on the door JJ said she could come in and saw both Garcia and Emily coming in.
"What can I do for you?"
"Firstly, I… I'm really sorry Pen I just…"
"It's okay, I get it. It's forgotten. So…?"
"Uh… is… is Derek, I mean, well… I just, you…" She started, clearly becoming very flustered. Cheeks starting to flush as she started to push herself up, wincing slightly.
"What is it honey?"
"I… need… to… use the…"
"Oh. Okay. Oh… Derek has gone to the supermarket. Um. And damn, the equipment hasn't arrived yet. I- I'll call Derek and see how far away he is."
"NO! It's- uh, it's okay. I can wait."
"JJ…" Emily said.
"Nonsense, he said to call for anything. I'll be back in a tick."
And before JJ could stop her she was gone.
"Hey Handsome, how far away are you?"
"Like ten minutes why?"
"Can you make it five? JJ needs to go to the bathroom and she is really embarrassed about it."
"Got it gorgeous."
"Thanks hunk."
Emily had sat down at the end of the bed and began talking to JJ trying to keep her mind off of certain things.
Garcia stood at the door and was pacing until she saw the car pull into the driveway. Opening the door she ushered him in and he moved quickly into JJ's room.
Emily took that cue to leave and made her way out to the couch.
"Well Jayje, you had to go and prove it didn't you?" He smiled at her, pulling back the covers.
"What did she do?" Garcia asked alarmed.
"She just had to prove that she could get under the covers by herself."
"Oh. Phew. That's all."
"Okay JJ. You ready?"
"Wait. Can the brace come off here? It'll be easier."
"Sure thing. Do you want me to do it?"
JJ knew very well that she couldn't do it herself, so nodded. "Yes please."
He began undoing the velcro straps. Then he slipped the brace from underneath her leg. She gasped a little. "Sorry Jayje. I'm really sorry."
"It's fine."
"No it's not, but we'll move on. You ready now?"
"Yep."
He gently lifted her up, making sure that he supported her knee and walked her into the bathroom. Having learnt earlier, he placed her on the toilet, but waited keeping a hold of her legs.
"Garcia, is there a stool somewhere to put her feet on?"
"I… no. There isn't. A kitchen chair?"
"Too high."
"Okay. Well we'll make it work then. We'll just support them-"
"No…" JJ choked out.
Neither person had noticed her starting to get emotional.
"Jayje. Hey girl, it's okay. It's okay."
"No it's not. It's not."
"JJ breathe."
"No. no."
She closed her eyes and began to rock back and forth.
Derek handed over responsibility to Garcia for the moment as he left the room.
No. She couldn't let this happen. There had to be boundaries. She could never recover from that. No. No, no, no. She continued muttering to herself until she felt her legs be lifted up. Then she opened her eyes and saw the chair. She stopped muttering and looked at the chair. She was relieved.
Derek wiped the sole tear from her cheek "I'll wait in your room." And he exited shutting the door.
Garcia lifted JJ just as she had back at the hospital. She gave JJ space and then helped her again, calling Derek back into the room.
He carried her over to the sink to wash her hands and then took her back out to her room, putting her back on the bed.
"Do you want to have a shower now? Or before bed?"
"I'll wait until later. I can't right now."
"You can't?"
"I mean I just can't be bothered."
"Oh okay. That's okay."
"So sweetie, are you going to stay in here?"
"Ah, I think, can I come sit out there?"
"Well duh. Of course you can sweetie."
"Okay, that's great, but first your brace needs to go back on."
"It's itchy."
"It's doing its job. Immobilisation is key. That's that."
He speedily reapplied it before taking her back out to the lounge. Mid-walk the door bell rang and Garcia scurried to the door.
"Ah you guys are here with the equipment, great. Bring it in."
"Here JJ. I'll put you down then put the stuff away."
"No Derek. I… I need to see how much stuff I am going to need to get through this. I can't do that from the couch."
"Okay sweetness."
So he stood there, with JJ in his arms. The duo watching as the two men brought in item after item after item until finally it stopped. Garcia signed off and they were on their way. She turned around at that time and was met with three sets of eyes. But what was most distressing was the look in JJ's.
"Hey Jayje, you okay there?" she asked making her way through the pile of stuff.
"I'm… just a little overwhelmed. It looks like so much. More than Reid said."
"I know, but it'll be okay."
"Why do I need a walker?" she asked, confused.
"For when you start physio, so that you can practice at home. Then you'll use the crutches and then nothing." Emily answered.
"Oh…" JJ said quietly.
"Hey sweetie." Garcia said walking right up to her. "You'll get there. It'll just take hard work. And in the mean time we can totally put flames on your wheelchair."
This earned her a small, genuine smile, but not much else.
Looking at all the stuff Derek agreed.
"It's okay Jayje. It's gonna be okay."
So… don't think that JJ is going to be so liberal with asking for help all the time, because she won't be. But in this moment I thought she needed to be. So what do you guys think? : )