3
"It's getting late huh? Too late to cook. Do you guys feel like take out? I can order something."
"That sounds good. Something easy to eat like pizza?"
Something in JJ's stomach did a flip when she heard that word. It didn't do much to make her feel good. But she couldn't quite place it.
"No. Not pizza." JJ told them dismissively.
The other three seemed slightly confused, looking at each other, but they decided not to say anything.
"What do you feel like?"
JJ thought for a minute. She needed to be able to eat it without making a fool of herself but then at the same time she didn't want pizza.
Truth be told, she still didn't have much of an appetite, but that wouldn't go over well. "I kinda feel like butter chicken. Is that okay?"
"Of course it is. I'll order that now gumdrop."
JJ was beginning to get that same annoying feeling that had been plaguing her non-stop since she was saved. It was the feeling of being tired. But not the tiredness that you can ignore. The tiredness that consumes every part of your body and makes you feel as though you are physically weighed down.
She allowed herself to slowly sink down deep into the cushions of the couch. It didn't take long before the weight finally took over and her eyes drooped closed.
Emily looked over and was the first to notice that she was asleep. Then she signalled it to the others. They had to admit, there was a sense of relief in the fact that JJ wasn't refusing to sleep. However, at the same time there was a different feeling that stuck out from the rest. It was a feeling of trepidation. In many respects, a fear of the unknown.
The three people sitting in the room with JJ had faced their own nightmares.
Penelope's had to do with her being shot, and the fear that the last thing that she would see before she died would be her shooters face.
Prentiss had the Ian Doyle debacle which could have ended without the deaths of all bar one of her former team. Her regrets about telling Tsia to leave Clyde and then getting shot still managed to sneak up on her in her dreams.
And the subject matter of Derek Morgan's dreams could be summed up with two words. Carl Buford.
But JJ hadn't shared her story yet. She hadn't said her statement. But they all knew that whatever did happen to her was going to plague her like a swarm of locusts.
The three sat contemplating in their own minds before one spoke up.
"Derek, Emily, what if… what if whatever they did to her was so bad she can't move past it?"
"Baby girl, don't think like that. That's not healthy for anyone. She is strong, resilient and brave. She is still the woman you knew, and she will prove that."
"But I just… if I feel scared for her, then how must she feel, having actually lived it?"
"Penelope, you just… you just go with it. She'll share what she needs when she needs to and it'll have to go from there. But oh, change of topic, I see headlights. Dinner is here."
Derek went to pay for the food while Penelope decided to gently rouse JJ from her sleep.
"Hey pretty girl. Hey time to wake up now."
JJ could feel the warmth pulling her back to reality, but she was so comfortable hiding in the darkness she didn't want to leave.
"No, no."
Garcia froze. Was it a bad dream? Crap. Crap, how should she handle this?
Giving her a gentle tug, she called out to JJ again, waking her instantly with a jolt and a gasp that caught in her throat.
"Relax sweetness. It's me. It's Garcia."
"I know. It's okay. So, why did you wake me?"
"Dinner is here."
"Oh great."
"Where do you want to eat? We can do the same as lunch and-"
"We can eat at the table. It's probably better for this. The sauce would probably just spill everywhere."
Walking back in the room Derek asked "So the table it is?"
All three women nodded their heads.
"Okay food is on the table. We just need to get plates and stuff when we get in there."
Penelope helped Emily up, and Morgan made his way over to JJ.
"Hey Jayje so… here's the thing. I have pulled out the chair and we'll sit you on it sideways so that your good arm is facing the table so that you can eat. And now because we have the stools, I put one in front of the chair with a cushion on it for your feet. Cool?"
JJ wasn't exactly certain what to say. She couldn't exactly say no to that. "Um, yeah that's cool I guess."
Lifting her was starting to become second nature now. And he was glad that she didn't seem to be fighting it as much anymore. Because it had only been one day. She had many, many more to come.
After placing her he went to help Garcia get the rest of the stuff that they would need to eat with. He knew that she had two wheelchairs for a reason. One for the outside world, and one that they could use indoors with her. But for some reason it didn't feel right. The girls hadn't noticed it, but he had felt it. Physically felt it. He had felt when JJ reached a new low in her mental well-being, when she looked at the equipment, especially when Garcia mentioned the wheelchair for use at home. And he just didn't want to make her feel that feeling if he was around. It wasn't necessary. But by all means, if she wanted to use the wheelchair he wasn't going to stop her.
Sitting down to dinner he looked at his friends. He was glad they were all together.
JJ had her butter chicken and the rest of them had their favourites too. It seemed to be going okay.
Derek, Penelope and Emily had almost finished their meals, and like at lunch, JJ appeared as though she hadn't eaten much at all.
"Gumdrop, can't you have a few more mouthfuls?"
"I- I'm not feeling hungry."
"We know that Jayje, but you have to eat."
"I…" and then she put a bit of rice in her mouth.
She took another mouthful and then the first flash came. It was quick. Just a second, but it made her feel queasy.
She remembered the material of her bra being pushed back. But then that thought was gone.
Shaking it off, she went back to the food. It tasted pretty good, and she was quite enjoying it despite the lack of an appetite.
But then she went back again. A hand was pawing at her. Touching her.
And then she was back to reality.
Her friends were getting worried. They were watching her intently and noticed how when she closed her eyes her brows furrowed. And then she did it again, but this time afterward she looked a bit sick.
Then there were mere seconds before she was caught again. This time he had her pinned, she could feel the pain in her hand as it was pinned and contorted above her head.
The three now understood where she was mentally and Derek rose and made his way around the table as quickly as possible.
JJ could feel the sloppy tongue which now replaced the pawing and touching. Licking her, as though he was trying to taste her.
And then she was back again, feeling completely ill. Her stomach began to roll and her friends could see what was coming. Morgan dashed for a bucket that was under the sink, making it back in time to see the need to vomit recoil.
But then the need come back again with a vengeance. Derek held the bucket for her as she threw up. He knelt by her side, as Penelope stood behind her holding her hair.
She continued like this until most if not all of her stomach contents were expelled. But she was still going. There were tear tracks on her cheeks, and during the small reprieves she was gasping, gritting her teeth through the pain and repeating a mantra of 'I can't. I can't. I can't.'
She kept up this cycle until finally something had to give.
And that something was her consciousness.
Her conscious mind could no longer take the pain of the memories in combination with expelling her stomach contents with bruised and cracked ribs as well as having a stitched up cut the length of her ribs. That pain became too much.
And she slumped sideways into Derek.
Penelope began to freak out. She didn't know what was happening. And initially neither did Derek. Then he checked her pulse and could breathe again.
"It's okay baby girl, she just passed out."
"It must have been too much for her body to handle." Emily said from across the table, a few tell-tale tracks running down her cheeks.
"I am going to put her in bed and clean her up okay? She can just have a shower tomorrow."
"I'll come help."
"Okay baby girl."
"And I'm coming too. I just need to know that she at least gets to bed safe and sound."
Morgan picked up the dead weight that was now the blonde and moved down the hallway following the girls. They turned the light on and Garcia pulled the covers right back.
He tenderly placed her on the bed and Garcia pulled the blankets rights up, heading out to grab a couple of extra ones because she knew JJ liked to sleep with many.
Emily took a seat by the door and watched the scene.
Derek dutifully went to the bathroom and wet two flannels.
The first he used to wipe around her mouth and clean her up. The second he used to wipe the sweat off of her face.
Penelope came back in with the blankets and fulfilled her duty and the three then left the room leaving a very wounded, very exhausted woman in their wake.
Hello everyone. I am so, so, so sorry for the huge gap in updates. Life is crazy busy. Reports to write, mock exams in a few weeks, university applications, scholarship applications. I feel like a sinking ship. But, nevertheless, I churned out a chapter. Thank you so much for the reviews and the follows. They're really fantastic, and remind me that I need to get this written. So let me know what you think and I will get another chapter up ASAP. : )