4

JJ woke up very unsure of her surroundings. It had the walls that were bare and similar to that of a hospital, yet at the same time it didn't have the obnoxious sterility that one would often associate with a hospital room. It was a nice room, and when she looked up it all came back to her. She was at Emily's house. What had reminded her was the handle dangling above her bed that she was to use to help pull herself up.

Lifting up her right arm, she grabbed a hold of it, and slowly but surely began to pull herself upright. The pain shot through her like a lightning bolt and she began heavy breathing, trying to expel the pain.

Why did she have to be in so much damn pain all of the time? Surely it had to stop soon. It was holding her back and she couldn't keep allowing it to do that to her. Pulling up she felt queasy and remembered last night. She couldn't quite remember everything, but had a feeling that she didn't go to sleep of her own accord.

It was 10:30 in the morning. And yes, JJ definitely had her times where she liked to sleep in. But being in bed at that hour just didn't seem right. It didn't feel right considering there were three other people in the house that she should be talking to instead of sleeping. Even if she felt as though she wanted to be alone.

She inhaled steadily and swished her tongue around the inside of her mouth. It tasted like vomit.

She remembered the night before having not felt well, and having Derek holding a bucket for her. Had she passed out?

But all that she knew now was that she tasted disgusting and that she smelt like sweat. She needed a shower. But the idea of that. Of that entire process made her feel a bit squeamish. She'd… she'd need help. And she'd need to be... exposed and, and well, vulnerable. And that was not very appealing. In the slightest.

But she stunk. She really stunk. And more than that, she really, really wanted a shower. So it was just another thing that she was going to just have to suck up and deal with. Because the truth was, they were her friends, and they were going to come and check in on her sooner or later.

Sighing she called out.

Sitting in the lounge the other three had been talking most of the morning.

"Do you think that she is okay? Maybe I should go and check on her again?"

"Penelope, she's fine. She must be sleeping. If she was awake and needed us she would call out."

Nodding she semi-agreed, though the maternal side of her meant that she wanted to go and sit at JJ's bedside until she woke up. Though that may have pushed it a bit far.

Garcia had helped Emily shower earlier that morning. Having her hand in a plastic bag made it a bit harder on her, because she could only use one hand to wash herself. And then the stitches where she had been whipped had had to be covered as well. She was sore and had a dull, never-ending ache after the shower, however it felt good to have that fresh feel about her.

The friends talked about what to do that day, and how to handle what happened with JJ the previous night. Everyone knew what had happened.

JJ had experienced flashbacks. And they seemed pretty bad. They wanted to talk to her about them but they didn't have a clue how she would react to that.

"Hey that's JJ calling. Uh, which one of us should go?"

"I'll go!" Penelope volunteered springing to her feet.

She took off down the hallway and barged into JJ's room to be met with her holding herself in her sitting position using the handle. Scurrying towards her she said "Here let me make you more comfy."

She fluffed up and readjusted the pillows and JJ could sit up without too much pain.

"Thanks." She stated shyly.

"No probs sweetness. So… how are you feeling this morning?" she couldn't stop herself from asking.

"I'm…. uh, well. I'm tired. And I feel… gross."

"Gross?" Pen asked, wondering if she had had a nightmare.

"I taste like vomit and smell like sweat Pen. So yeah, gross."

"Oh. I, I see. Well why don't we get you up and get you showered and changed so you can feel better?"

"I… yeah I…"

"What's the matter hun?"

"I… it's just… it's going to be hard and… and awkward. And… I won't be… I can't do… I'll need hel- and I don't, don't, I just don't want to, to, to need help." The woman finally admonished.

"Oh JJ. I… I don't-"

"I get it Pen. I'm going to need help with everything for now. That's just the way that it is going to be. But I just can't accept that. I hate being dependent. I can't even get out of bed by myself."

"Oh I…"

"You nothing Penelope. It's fine. It's just… fine."

"What would you like me to do you for you JJ? I know you hate feeling like you don't get to call the shots with what's happening. What do you want to do next?"

Appreciative of Garcia's demeanour JJ thought for a minute. "I would really, really like to get out of bed and have a shower. I feel truly awful."

"Okay sweetums. Then that's what we'll do. Just hold on a tick. Oh, Derek!" Penelope called out.

"So um Pen?"

"Yes my dear?"

"How are we going to do this?"

"I don't know, but we'll work our way through this and everything will just happen. But we'll try not to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable."

"I… okay. Thanks Penelope."

"That's okay sweetie." Garcia told her just as Derek entered the room with Emily following behind him.

"Morning sleepyhead. How are you feeling?" Emily asked.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm fine too. I had a shower and that was really good. And who knew it, but Derek can cook. Here I was thinking he was one of those men that managed to burn water."

JJ's lip pinched up in the corner and she looked as though she was about to smile. But the thought of herself having to have help to shower took that happy thought away.

Garcia noticed and tried to pull JJ away from her negative thoughts. "So JJ was thinking of having a shower, maybe we could get started on that?"

"That's cool."

"I'll go out and read in the lounge, I'll see you soon Jayje."

JJ looked up, muttering 'hopefully' under her breath.

"So…" Derek started. "How shall we do this?"

"JJ? Any preferences?"

"Uh, well…" she started to blush. "I kind of… need to…"

Clicking quickly both nodded their heads and took her to the bathroom. She went through her morning routine, brushing her teeth and washing her face. She was incredibly thankful to get the vile taste of vomit out of her mouth.

And within 15 minutes she was back to where she started; lying on her bed with Penelope and Derek staring back at her.

"Do you have any idea how you want to handle this JJ? You're in control." Derek prompted after many moments of silence had passed.

"Uh, I, uh…"

The pair just looked at her.

"Maybe take the brace off out here and put on the water block strips with my dressing gown and then be um… carried… into the shower?"

"Okay, that sounds cool."

"Right. Well I'll go and leave you and Garcia alone so that you can get ready. Just call me when you're done?" Derek asked.

"We sure will my chocolate thunder."

Looking at JJ she asked "So shall we get started?"

JJ nodded her head in inward defeat as she knew that there was no other way that things were going to get moving.

"Do you want me to start with the brace first?"

Nodding JJ looked down at her leg and watched as Penelope started to undo the velcro straps. Carefully she slid the brace from under JJ's legs watching as the young woman slightly screwed her face up in pain.

JJ had been left in her clothes from the previous day. After talking it through, and deciding the next best thing to move on to was her lower half, the duo mutually agreed that her lazy pants would go. But JJ was adamant that her underwear were to stay in place, which Garcia would never have disputed in the first place. That made her wonder about what had happened.

Garcia could see the tension visibly across not only her friend facial features, but she could also feel it oozing off of her body.

Garcia leant forward to start to remove the pants but then realised she wouldn't be able to with JJ sitting up.

"JJ hun, I need you to lie down so that I can take them off."

"I can help. I'll just push up with my good hand."

"No I don't think that that's-"

But she was cut off by JJ doing just that, followed by a sharp intake of breath before her arm collapsed from under her, leaving her to continue on with the roll distorting her body in the process.

In shock Garcia called out her name as she watched it happen, leading to Morgan coming busting through the door with Emily in tow.

"What happened?" he asked moving over to JJ who was lying on her side with her eyes screwed shut tight like cork screws.

"She tried to help but then, then, then she hurt herself and that happened."

Moving over Derek began asking "JJ? JJ are you okay?"

Tears streaks were present on her cheeks and the little droplets continued to flow.

"Fine." She managed to get out between breaths.

"Are you sure?" He asked running a finger over her bruised face.

She didn't reply, but instead continued to focus on her breathing in the hopes that she wouldn't start to bawl her eyes out.

"Do you need any help?"

"I just need to get her sweats off."

JJ's eyes flew open.

"Just her sweats." Garcia emphasised.

"Okay then I can help. Do you want me to lift her?"

"That would be really good."

And immediately JJ felt like she wasn't there anymore. It felt as though she was trapped within her own body. And they said that she was in control. But in reality she wasn't. She couldn't even push up her own body weight without tearing up from the pain. So she gave in. Her mind refusing to comprehend the situation before her.

She heard words be thrown around, some probably even thrown at her but she paid no attention. The only sign she was in her own body was the violent jerk when Derek touched her to pick her up.

Waiting a moment, he then rolled her and lifted her so that Penelope could remove the lazy pants.

All three people were shocked. At home, with the brightness of the sun her injuries looked so much worse. Bruises marred her skin; stitches held together flesh that had been separated. Her hips were such a deep purple it was almost black.

It was a sight.

Gently Derek laid her down on her back and was frightened by what he saw. Or more so, what he didn't see. Her eyes were blank. Lifeless.

As though those closest to her had also violated her. And he wanted to kick himself. 'You're in control.' That was what he had said to her. And just like that the control had been taken from her. They didn't even consult her.

When she was firmly back on the mattress her head lolled to the side and away from Derek.

He took that as a cue and left the room with Emily.

"Hey sweetness, shall I put on the strips now?"

Garcia noticed the lack of expression and accepted the simple head nod.

She made quick work of applying the strips making sure there was an air tight seal. The special bags that they had been given at the hospital were wrapped around her feet and then she moved up to talk to JJ.

"Bottom half is done. Top half now?"

JJ just nodded, allowing Penelope to help her into a sitting position, Penelope constantly supporting her. This was the awkward bit. JJ was all about her privacy. Penelope got that. But JJ was going to have to trust her now.

"Jayje?"

JJ continued to look blank.

"JJ you don't need to look at me, but I need you to listen. I need to take your top off. I know you don't have a bra on, so you're going to just have to trust me. Plus, I need to put the strip between your ribs."

Garcia watched JJ heartily gulp.

She wasn't really ready for that. Being looked at. Being touched. Even if it was by Penelope it didn't feel right. The tongue. That was all she could think about. His mouth on her. Consuming her. But she tried to block it. She started counting.

She nodded her head, but internally she kept counting.

She raised her arms when she was asked and felt the cool air hit her skin. Just like that night. Counting. She just had to keep counting.

Penelope laid her back down and started with the strip. She felt bad when she heard the small gasps that she knew were because of her. Because of the pain that the application of the strip was causing.

A bag was put on her arm and she was almost ready.

Once the dressing gown was on her, Derek was called back in and they moved seamlessly into the bathroom. However JJ was still lifeless. When Garcia accidently dropped the stool JJ's body went as stiff as a board. She was trapped in her head and Derek couldn't get her out.

'1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Keep counting.'

The shower was finished with quickly. Garcia washed her hair and the parts of her body that she couldn't reach.

She was dried off as much as possible before being returned to the bed. That was Derek's cue to leave. Garcia gently took off all of her protection strips and replaced them with gauze strips. She removed the bags and they were on the home stretch.

"JJ? Jayje?"

Nothing.

"JJ. We need to finish with your bottom half. You are still in your wet underwear. That needs to be changed. I don't mind but I know tha-"

"NO."

Penelope had expected that to elicit a response. But not such a quick or definitive one.

"JJ, good you're still in there." She said trying to get a small smile.

It didn't work.

"What about if I cover you with a towel and lift your legs so that you can use your good hand to push them down a bit? Then I can take them and put new ones on and lift your legs so that you can pull them up?"

JJ nodded.

Thankfully that worked without too much grief. And JJ was spared what she felt would be even more humiliation.

Now Garcia was wondering how to handle the next steps. To get her to actually eat some breakfast and get her to talk. Not a lot, but just enough so that they knew JJ was still in there.

Hey guys. Thanks so much for reviews/ follows/ favourites.

So I wrote this chapter because I was considering burning my chemistry book because I loathe it so much. But I thought this may be a better use of my time.

Okay but importantly:

Pairing. I have been asked a few times whether I will do a pairing. Honestly, it was never my intention, it was just going to be super strong friendship. But what do you guys think/ want? I know some people are reading this, so to you guys; do you want that? Because I hadn't thought about it.

Please let me know about that and what you think in general. Thanks guys. Soooo much. : )